The Paths We Choose

The intent of this Novel is to express my feelings on my life. I want to convey as much as I can of how I feel my life should have been in another child's body. Since I have missed out on so much, I wanted to take this oppertunity to write a fictional novel of a boy that I wished I could have been. This story is based on my life and contains partial fact. No names used are real. My writing skills are not all that up to par, but any commentary you can give me is greatly appreciated. I used to be excellent when I was a younger boy writing in elementary school. hurstaudio@airpost.net.

I also want to give a shout out to two authors and praise the work they've done on Nifty. First is the author of Simon's journal, who no one I don't think could ever get a hold of. The second is the author of Asleep on the beach, Andy. Great work guys, please keep it up. Also Tim from Highschool humiliations and Tim and Michell.

The Paths We Choose

Chapter 1

I sat on the patio with my laptop basking in the sun. Man I loved this kind of weather, not too hot, not too cold. I could really meditate easily out here. For a twelve year old, I guess I was pretty technically inclined. I admit half the time I never considered how much money I had spent on myself, but appreciated all the things I had. I rubbed the shiny plastic on my new macbook pro I had just received in the mail for my birthday which was last month. Even though i loved technology I wasn't a geek. well at least I didn't act nor look like one. I heard someone open the back screen door of the house.

"PK, are you hungry? I made sandwiches inside and hot cocoa. Aren't you cold out here?" Mom came walking out of the house.

"I'm fine mom, I'll be in in a few minutes." I called back. But now come to think of it, it was getting chilly. I figured I could wait a few minutes before heading inside so I leaned back into the lawn chair and began to day dream. My birthday had been fairly busy with the friends I did have meeting me and my parents at the bowling alley for a bowling party. I wasn't a world class bowler, but having glaucoma and not being able to see out of my left eye and bearly seeing good enough in the right to read large print allowed me to use what I had to have fun. And that is exactly what I did. I had gotten CD's and a scooter from my friend AJ who was a tutor brought down from the high school to help me with my assignments. I was a boy at heart. If it weren't for my parents getting in the way at the party, I would have had loads of fun. I guess that's how things had to be. I had issues between me and my parents, but nothing that I allowed to stand in the way of our relationship. My dad seemed to be too over protective and sometimes was in his cool guy moods when around other people. Dad was very intimidating, always tossing threats my way and never knowing if he actually meant them. I'd have to hide my things from him, because if dad knew mom was buying me things he'd have a fit. She may have had a little money management problem, but her kind personality substituted for her squandering of money. I heard about the account that was set aside for me by my grand parents, but doubted I'd ever see the money. I was relieved when dad had left. Being young and not fully comprehending the situation is one thing, but I sure as hell don't know I'd do what he did. Mom and I both agreed on his aditudinal issues toward us, but it probably had all stemmed back to my grand parents when dad was a boy. I was glad I had friends to talk to about these issues, since most of my friend's parents had been divorced themselves. I took their advice in not paying attention to the situation I was in, and it worked for the most part. School progressed and remembered the new boy who Principal Finer oriented with the school and his classes. Thus far, he had only been at PVMS a week and we hadn't really talked. The thought of the new comer made me cringe, all the kids I had known to migrate to my school had been transfered from detention centers or had some sort of issue. Our school was the center of bad kids, but we had our share of the good ones. Mr. Finer was just the one to slap everybody straight who got out of line. I cracked a smile at myself when I remembered the afternoon when Meranda, Buddy, and I had been staying after school working on something and principal Finer started cracking dirty jokes. I started chuckling to myself. Bud and Meranda were two of the boys I hung out with when I could but their schedules often times did not permit time to spare for me. I could never wrap my mind around how everyone's schedule was always too full for me. Why did everyone have things to do and mom and I not have anything? Well I usually didn't like doing things by myself in the first place, and if I really got antsie, I strolled around town.

I pulled myself back to reality when my mac announced the time to me. I pulled myself up out of the chair and walked inside.

"If only everyday could be this easy going," I thought to myself. I devoured my lunch and figured I'd take a nap for the rest of the day. Actually, it was about six in the evening anyway, if I slept all night, I'm not sure it really would have mattered. I had only woken up once and that was to administer pleasure to myself. I had been doing that since I was five or six, I can't remember, but had been a while. I knew what I was doing, and I knew why it felt good, but seldom did I consider the content of my thought while pleasuring myself. Often times I thought about boys I knew, sometimes girls. I was always the popular cute boy in elementary school and girls clung all over me. I was at the age now where you started seeing crushes in school and making out in the halls and stairwells. I knew it was tasteless. Most of the time what really got me off was thinking about other boys I new. When I finished I rolled over and fell back to sleep.

I heard my alarm go off and rolled over. I knew it was five AM just by looking out the window. The shades were closed but I could tell it was still dark through what I could see. It wasn't until about quarter till six that the sun would come up. I was too comfortable to even move and decided that fifteen minutes to lie there and wake up wouldn't hurt. Usually when deciding this, drifting back off to sleep was inevitable. Once I was asleep I never wanted to get up, especially if the night before I had a headache from the pressure in my eye. Or was it sinuses? Who knows. When I awoke once again I saw a half an hour had passed.

"Shit!", I muttered to myself as I jumped up out of my double bed. The sun had already started making more of an appearance into my bedroom window. Since I never took the time to really prepare myself for the day, I threw on my clothes not paying much attention to my hair or face. I usually showered at night since I knew I'd have a constant habit of sleeping in. My parents had separated and just recently gotten a divorce. Since I walked to school, I figured after dressing myself I had a few minutes to spare. I sat on my bed looking out the window. I sat there thinking about everything. My life, the day that faced me and my family. My family was always good to me, and had always been supportive of my decisions. I wasn't a particularly brilliant student in middle school, but had been able to keep a steady average of A's and B's. Outside of the usual childhood mischief, I wasn't really all that much of a bad kid either. But for whatever reason I was unhappy about something. I couldn't see, so big deal. Everyone liked me as a friend, and I wasn't particularly bad looking either. Being five foot six inches, with a charming smile and brown hair that was parted to the right I thought was nothing to be ashamed of. And with my big blue eyes it was no wonder why everyone clung on to me. I chalked it up to normal teenage thoughts running through my mind and decided to walk out to the kitchen for a bite to eat before running out the door. Being early was customary for me so I really paid no attention to time, but as with anyone, being late once in a while happened. After realizing it was almost quarter after six, I gathered my pack and walked out the door. Most of my friends I knew ran out the door to the bus stop but I never understood even if you were early why would you run? Not having energy wasn't the issue because I was a very energetic person. But being an only child and not having any siblings made me create my own world and seemed to take on more adult characteristics and I seldom acted childish.

Living in big cities isn't really my thing, but at least I could be thankful that where I do live is fairly easy to travel. Of course, though, you would have the occasional high school student or grandma behind the wheel who can't find their way out of a plastic bag let alone their way down a one way street and nearly hit you, but over all it was a pretty safe town. I was also thankful that I had decent traveling skills and traveled safely most of the time, but this was probably because I have been used to this town for years, ever since I was a little boy. It really didn't matter if you were on the sidewalk or not, vehicles still seem to find their ways onto your path. Luckily though, this doesn't happen all that often. Portville was almost entirely paved with fresh white sidewalks, and strict township laws kept them looking clean and hedges trimmed. When my dad was still living with us he had made it known to the township on several occasions when I hurt myself after running into a tree limb and cutting my left cheek. I sware by the way the school nurse was acting that day she thought I might've been in a fight or something. That was about the only good thing he ever did. But anyway, Portville rules and regulations kept the downtown area a fairly safe walking area. I couldn't remember any real note worthy crime ever taking place. I always walked to school, ever since I convinced my parents that my travelling skills were just as good as anyone elses. No one is a pro at walking, you know, it's just something one had to do to get from point A to point B. After doing the route to the school for a while now I had figured out shortcuts.

"Humph. As good looking as I am it's a wonder I'm not a target." I mumbled to myself. I have gained a lot of respect in the city of Portville, so I really didn't have anything to worry about on the whole. No matter where I happened to be the school gangs always happened to be lurking around and took care of any trouble that happen to find me. I found this concept to be quite interesting considering that people you may at first have found to be troublesome really actually have alright intentions.

Before I knew it I had arrived at school and just as I had made it through the door, I felt a tug on my shirt.

"what's up, PK?" Still partially asleep I stumbled threw my mind to find whose voice I had just heard. "hey Logan." I replied. Logan sometimes reminded me of a kid who I once knew back in elementary school, always bouncy and cheerful. Nonetheless, when he wanted to be serious, you sure knew it. But whatever it was he was talking about, he always seemed to put some sort of spell on those who might not agree. Those big green puppy eyes were too much to bear. So who could say no? Well, certainly not me. If he was as half as good looking as everyone has told me he was, I'm sure I'd be all over him as well. I was slapped back into reality when I remembered where I was and the thoughts I was having and started turning red in the face.

"Why so red?" Logan inquired. I shrugged my shoulders and turned and walked away. I didn't particularly mind, considering I could have easily used some sort of blindness excuse to justify my blushing, but normally never got to that point. I knew that boy was as loving as a teddy bear, and I could be myself around him and be myself. That thought always made me feel at home and comfortable.

My first class was always the most nerving yet exciting one, but not because of the content of the class. Since I wasn't all that outgoing and never knew what to say I mainly attempted to make small talk. I walked into Mrs. Shaw's class and took my seat towards the back of the room. The room was not incredibly huge, but was comfortable for seven rows of desks. However, the rows were not individual desks, instead each row comprised of two desks in order to fullfill Mrs. Shaws study buddy system of learning. I didn't particularly care for it, but I wasn't one to cause commotion. Logan was in the same math class as I was, but he kept my distance from me because of his constant urges to always help me and assist me which he knew I didn't like all the time because he realized I loved my independence. But ever since she sat me next to this new boy from Lansden, I couldn't wait for each day to sit next to him. I couldn't come up with a suitable enough explanation why, but my heart would start to race and my breathing increase quite a lot. I had been like this before but gave it up to nervousness, but never stopped to question myself as to what I was nervous about? The only reason I know about his appearance is because I overheard the chatter in the background about him. Damn. He's only been here a week and girls are already cooing all over him. It was nothing new, so I decided to ignore it. When Mrs. Shaw passed at the first worksheet on quadratic formulas, my nervousness quickly went out the window and I suddenly frowned and my head hit the desk. The new boy laughed.

"What's wrong, are you alright?" he asked as he patted the back of my head. I was a little confused by his odd jesture but passed it on as nothing or as to ask if I was ok.

"yeah, I just hate these mindless papers, and she doesn't even take the time to teach it. She waits until we've failed the entire worksheet and then teaches it." I explained. "Can I at least help you?" He inquired. "sure. but I hope you know what you're doing, because I sure don't." I replied. Just then I began to feel uncomfortable again. I didn't know his name, but whoever he was sure was a nice boy. His laugh was squeaky yet entertaining and soon got me chuckling as well. I reached down under my chair to grab the Perkins brailler which was mounted inside the metal wire basket under the seat of the chair. Actually, the desks and chairs were all one, and some were bent out of proportion because kids, especially the jocks, would always be leaning back on them. I couldn't even imagine anyone strong enough to bend those huge metal bars that formed the back of the chair. I always wondered why the school picked purple chairs when the school colors had been black and red. Ah well, not important I suppose. Side tracked from the random thoughts I was having, I started in on casual conversation with the new boy.

"So what's your name?" I asked him.

"I'm Lowell, what's yours?" He asked.

"My name is PK." I answered. About half way threw the worksheet it fell silent between the two of us, then he leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"I hope you don't mind but I think I like other guys. Please don't be angry with me." He confessed. At which point I turned extremely red, that the girl behind me made a comment to her partner but ignored it. From the way Lowell had sniffed to himself as to hold back tears, I could tell he had smiled back at me and closed his eyes. I could tell his hair was darker than mine and parted just as mine was., I could tell from the contrast of his light skin on his forehead and his dark straight hair that flopped down I could not tell what color his eyes were, but from the chatter that took place before class begun I knew he had dark blue eyes. I smiled back at him but did not say anything. I was stunned that another boy had said such a thing to me, but I figured that if I was going to be his partner for the next seven months, that he wanted to know if I was against it or something. Towards the end of the class period, which usually lasted forever due to block scheduling, but seemed to fly by today, I realized his foot was snug against mine under the desk. When the bell rang I stood up and smiled at him and departed from the room.

"Damn bell, so annoying," I muttered to myself. It's amazing what you can sense from other people if you just put your mind to it. It's not really a blindee thing, rather I was just so used to being around others and observing casual conversation that I just developed a sort of way to read others. I'm not like super blind man, or anything, but somehow no matter how many times I try to tell others that, that is the impression I leave. sighs

The rest of the day was a drag and it was rather hard to keep focused in the rest of my classes. I figured by the time I got home I needed to chill out and take my mind off the events that had happened. I was relieved when the two forty bell rang, because I was out of that school faster than a streak of lightning. I wasn't sure why I was running home but I was. Well, I wasn't really running, but I was uncomfortable, excited, happy and confused all at the same time and didn't know what to think of myself or the new student that we had just recently gotten, so I had a quick stride to me. I just wanted to be alone.

After reaching my front door I climbed the stairs and flopped on my bed. This was one of the many times I was thankful I had a stereo system and a lock on my door. I just wanted to be alone and listen to my music. Without hesitation I setup my five disk changer stereo with Trammell Starks's three CD set of Music for Local Forecast jazz and was quickly in a daze on my bed. Before I knew it, five o'clock had struck and figured mom would have been home.

"Pk, how are you. You had me worried. You weren't downstairs like you usually are and couldn't find you." she remarked. "I just wanted to relax for a little bit, just tired is all," I explained. I could smell dinner cooking so I decided that I'd go downstairs and sit at the table and wait, since there was no use going back to sleep in my room. "Pk, it is not polite to lay your head down at the table." she corrected. "I'm sorry, just more tired than I thought, today was a pretty busy day and math was rather frustrating." I explained. She replied, "I hope that means you don't have much home work so you can get something that resembles sleep tonight." I hung my head after I remembered the work load I had on a regular basis and was thankful that tonight, being a Monday night, I had next to none.

Several silent minutes went by and I asked mom what was for dinner. I was sorry that I did, because for the next ten to fifteen minutes I heard how work was so stressful for her as well and how she didn't feel like making elaborate dinner. But I couldn't complain, because at least she had given me cooking lessons when I was younger so if I decided I was still hungry I'd be able to prepare simple things for myself. I looked out the window and saw it was getting cloudy. Since it was late November, I hoped for snow. To my surprise, the forecast did call for snow, and lots of it. Just as I started eating the sky started to open up. A smile cracked onto my face. "you might like it but you don't have to drive nine miles to work each day PK." she groaned. I smiled even bigger and said "But I have to walk in it!" Mom groaned once more and after I had finished eating I notified her of my disappearance into my room. I felt extremely safe in my room, especially in the winter time. I felt as if nothing or no one could get to me and I could say, think and do anything I wanted and no one would ever know. As I walked by the front door, I could smell the cold fresh air and smiled once more as I vanished up the stairs. I walked into my room, where I found I left the light on my night stand on. Since the music had already started to repeat itself I figured that I'd start on my homework. I figured it would take me no longer than maybe twenty minutes at the most. I've always been fairly good with doing my homework, because otherwise I'd fall into the same trap I did with elementary school and the painful math that I never could, and to this day, never understand. I sat at my desk with my macbook and began reading the chapters I had been assigned from Mr. Linch. And because Mrs. Shaw was too involved in her own personal business during class, I and the rest of the class was not assigned any homework. By about seven I was ready to crash, but first decided to shower. I usually like to soak in the shower and average shower times of about thirty to thirty five minutes. My mom hates it because of the hot water usage, but she's gotten pretty used to it by now.

It was around 8:30 when I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over me. After clicking off the light I thought about the day that had passed and tried to figure out how I really felt and where I fell in terms of who I was. Was Lowell really serious? Was he hitting on me? Why didn't I react negatively like all other boys do my age when talk like that comes up in conversation? I reasoned that this probably wasn't what I should think and as a result I may get myself worried over some nonsense. But on the other hand, I had to have been concerned or at least interested otherwise I wouldn't have dwelled on this all day and evening. I rolled onto my left side, pillow between my legs and one under my arm and head, and drifted off to sleep. It was a sleeping habit I aquired from dad some years ago when I slept with both of them in their bedroom as a little boy. Now I can't do without it, mostly because I'm too boney.

"damn, five comes fast." I grumbled to myself as I rolled over after what seemed like only a few minutes after falling asleep to shut off my alarm. I rolled onto my back and lie there for several minutes while I composed my thoughts and arranged everything that I had to do for the day. Around twenty after I woke up fully and swung my legs over and sat up. I marveled at my own body and how I was attractive, even to myself. I had always felt like this ever since I started noticing how my own body had started to change. Moments like these I wished I had someone there with me that I could bond and sleep with since I had no siblings and while I always enjoy my time alone, it gets lonesome. Just being with another person and the physical contact of another compassionate human being always made me curious and aroused me at the mere thought. I guess that's why some times I get so jumpy with things if people say certain things to me. But in all honesty though, I really have no idea. It is a pain growing up some times.

After slipping underwear on and a pullo, I walked out to the kitchen to start coffee. I figured I had plenty of time before I had to leave, so I walked back to my room to check my mail and finished dressing myself. I had noticed an email from Logan.

Hi PK, I was just wondering if everything with you was alright, after seeing you this morning and then again in math I saw you and you didn't look all that comfortable. It wasn't like you and was wondering if everything at home was alright. I noticed the new boy made some pretty weird moves around you yesterday. C-ya in school dude - Logan

I replied to him but I was very worried now that someone noticed and was now asking me if I was ok. I knew logan since we were in kindergarten so I knew he wouldn't mess with me and his intensions and concerns were genuine. I still did not tell him the truth. But the truth of the matter really was that lately I have been having strange dreams at night, and wasn't sure if I liked them or not because most of the time I could never remember them. I remember the coffee and walked back out to the kitchen and poured myself a cup. By now my heart was still racing after hearing that email, but I knew deep down I had nothing to worry about since I knew I hadn't told the truth to Logan and there was no way he could even guess in his wildest dreams what I was thinking.

Once I finished my coffee I gathered my pack and once again, headed out the door. But this time, I hadn't thought about the level of snow on the ground. Portville school district has been and probably always will be notorious for not closing down schools even for six inches of snow on the ground, so I didn't even second guess myself after getting out the front door. As I walked passed Logan's house, he came running out. Apparently he had been waiting for me and was going to walk with me to school because I could hear him calling my name through his winter coat which had muffled his voice somewhat and he had his pack on his back.

"PK! PK!" he screamed. I turned and smiled at him, this time not turning red. "did you get my email last night? I was a little worried about you, You were acting weird yesterday and stuff." he continued. I paused a second before replying. "Yeah, got it this morning. I'm fine, just a lot I been thinking about and stuff I don't know about, just confused I guess." I could tell from Logan's bodily motions that he wasn't buying it and I grew increasingly nervous. Logan moved closer and whispered to me, "hey what do you think about that new guy? I hear all the girls love him." I smiled again and said, "yeah I could tell, every one in math class was talking about him, especially the girls. I can see exactly why they like him so much." I supposed I shouldn't have said that last sentence because just then I turned red again. before he had a chance to say anything, I told him to come along otherwise we'd be late for class. Me and him walked the rest of the way to school. Since we knew each other so well he had gotten used to me asking him for an elbow for sighted guide, and naturally he nudged me with his arm and I grabbed on. Thank god for folding canes, I don't know how I'd manage with one of those other things. The sidewalks still had snow on them but you could still make out the sidewalk itself and figured sighted guide probably would work faster since I did take my time in the snow. We reached the school just in time for the first bell. I had never been late before. Whether it was a good thing or not, the neighborhood we lived in was so close to the school one could hear the school bell beeping extremely loudly, even if you stood outside your front door it could be heard. It was loud and obnoxious and I guessed that they did that to just piss all of us off. Everyone hated it and could definitely scare the daylights out of you especially when sitting in a quiet classroom.

By the time we had reached the front door, I had noticed everyone had gone to class and that we were indeed late. I saw Mr. Finer, the principal, as we entered the building and both of us looked down. "So, first time being late to school? I'll let both of you slide this one time, the weather is sort of a hindrance this morning and I realize you boys walk here, but please do not let it happen again you hear?" principal Finer stated. We both ran off to class as if nothing had happened. I could tell today was going to be one of those days that could only be equivalent to hanging Christmas lights. When one goes out, they all go out. And that is exactly how I felt. Usually if one thing happened, I could pretty much guarantee that an entire string of events would follow that day that were troublesome to me or caused hindrances in my way. Luckily for me today things did not play out like that at all. Principal Finer was the genuine kind of guy who never seemed too stuck up for himself that no one wanted to be around him. you could tell just by the way he talked that he was a fun kind of guy and liked to have a good time once in a while. But when something did happen to go wrong, which wasn't all that often in PVMS, he sure made his appearance and voice known to the school. Even I liked him as a person, as he never seemed to let his ego take over his personality when in the school. It was known sometimes students to talk to him about socializing and throwing back a few drinks for the weekend to come or for doing things that otherwise might not have been legal. But since everyone in the entire student body knew his other side as a principal, no one ever bothered to talk about Mr. Finer and his occasional parties behind his back. Mr. Finer was a tall black guy, who was large in size. Not fat, but large and intimidating.

The day progressed as usual until just before it was time for lunch I was walking to the room I was assigned for all of my keeping of my books, and tripped over someone sprawled out on the floor. This was something that royally ticked me off, but managed to get used to it over the years in school. I hadn't realized who I tripped over until I was on the floor next to them. It turned out to be Lowell and he was smiling and kindly told me he was sorry and didn't' know how much I could see and wasn't aware that I hadn't seen him. After cooling myself I told him it was alright and continued down the hall. I was just about to enter the cafeteria when I was stopped by Lowell.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" he asked. "Sure, I supposed so." I replied. I was rather thankful at this point that Lowell wasn't that well known in this school as of yet because I knew a few particular people who were not fond of the genre of people that Lowell was. But as we carried on a conversation I realized he wasn't the person he was in math, probably because he was around more people and the cafeteria was nearly full. But I can remember the few girls that I took a particular interest in last year that I never gathered up the courage to ask over. The only real reason I took an interest to them is because they showed affection for me. Some cooed all over me, some just pretended to play mommy. I didn't particularly care for the females in my classes who did this because then it got me worked up for nothing, and I started to believe that they were interested in me for something that they really weren't. "I got to stop taking people too seriously," I thought. Or maybe girls should stop messing with guy's minds. I hadn't realized that Lowell had done most of the talking while I was off in another world conversing with myself in my head. "are you ok? I've been talking and it looks like you have been staring at the walls for the passed ten minutes." Lowell remarked. "I'm sorry, I've just had a lot on my mind lately, I didn't mean to ignore you," I explained. I continued to eat my lunch while we both sat in silence for a few minutes. If he had said something I probably didn't notice because it was so noisy in the room. He started talking again after a second after we both finished eating.

"do you like this school? I really didn't want to move from my old school but my parents made me. I'm going to have to start all over with making new friends. It seems pretty easy going so far and everyone seems to be nice. All the girls seem to like me, I've noticed all the talk behind my back and I don't mind it one bit. I can ignore stuff real easy and I am not interested anyway. Thanks for not taking what I told you so harshly like everyone in my last school." I looked in his direction and smiled weekly. I know it probably wasn't too reassuring but I think I got my message across.

"Hey, you want to hang out after school? I think my parents will really like you. They were really picky about my friends at my other school," he asked.

"uh, sure...if you want just call me, because I'll need to know where you live so I can walk...my mom doesn't get home until kind of late....well like five," I replied. He agreed and we exchanged phone numbers. Thank god for note takers...they can be a real life saver sometimes if you can't read a piece of paper.

"Can we hang out around six?" he asked.

"I don't know, my mom gets home and we eat dinner at five thirty, so I'll let you know, but give me a call so I know when you are ready, it's really unpredictable at my house." I answered. He nudged me with his foot and smiled at me.

We both departed from the cafeteria and I made my way to history. The rest of the day was a drag, but managed to stay awake, I guess I can thank block scheduling for causing the students so much grief. I often wondered why they couldn't give the long boring classes to high school students and not middle school students. I was relieved that for my last class the teacher just talked. I know lectures sounded boring to me, but I grew to like them, if it was something interesting, and if the person telling them had emotion to their voice. I generally walked away not remembering much of anything but it was interesting at the time. I was so into the novel being read that I hardly heard the two forty bell. I jumped up and walked down the two flights of steps and out the front door and was instantly overwhelmed by the smell of fresh twenty eight degree air and the scent of deassel exhaust from all of the buses. Actually it smelled more like glue being mixed with ice cold air. I made it home in record time and was surprised when I looked at my watch and I hadn't even rushed either. I was extremely tired and before I knew it after I walked up the stairs into my bedroom, I was fast asleep after climbing onto my bed. I was so happy that after having no friends to hang around with in elementary school, I finally had someone that wanted to hang out.

I woke up a little before dinner was ready and I heard mom knock on my door.

"PK hunny dinner is ready, and your friend Lowell called, I told his mom he could come over around 6:30 and stay until nine if that is ok, his mom said Lowell told her that you wouldn't mind." I jumped up and my heart started racing and I walked over to my door and opened it. "I'll be right down. I took my time walking downstairs but my heart was still racing and breathing fast. I tried calming myself as I sat down at the table, and noticed my mom had already dished out my chicken rotel on my plate.

"PK, you've got time, it's only five thirty, don't rush," she called from the living room. I breathed a sigh of relief as I began to eat. I was quickly lost in my own thoughts. Thoughts about Christmas quickly filled my mind, because I remembered that as quickly as I lost track of time, Christmas would be here and I would never have given my list of things to mom, and dad, who now lived in the next state over. I only talked to him on a necessary basis, as I wasn't a big fan of him, and his aditude towards me. His one track mind about money started to irritate me and his constant yelling and cursing really started to hurt me deeply, especially some of the things he'd say to me that I could never have imagined a father saying to their only son. I tried not to think about it and thanked who ever that big guy was up in the sky that I didn't have to deal with it anymore. If anyone was going to waste money, it was dad. He bought a sports car and sold it within a year, then bought a house and moved his business to the next state over where he'd have to get reestablished. Not to mension the countless times he had taken his business test and failed it. I thought all of these things were really bad ideas. But as far as he was concerned I didn't know any better.

I finished my dinner and placed my dishes in the sink and headed for my room. I had about a half an hour before Lowell showed up, so I decided that I'd lay down, since I didn't have any homework, well, none that was pressing to get done, anyway. The half hour flew by, as I drifted in and out of a light state of sleep. I heard the door bell ring and my stomach fluttered. I ran down to open the door and there stood Lowell, and I could hear his mother's car running in the background and waved to her. "Hey. Come in." I offered, and he did just that. I wasn't exactly sure what all he had in mind to do, but I assumed school work since, he thought I was such a nice person, I figured he wanted to study with me. I grabbed my pack and I instructed him to follow me.

"This is my room. Not big, but I like it. I don't have many things either," I explained. Lowell shrugged his shoulders in concurrence. I was starting to feel uncomfortable, but sat down on my bed and looked at him, while he still stood there not to far into my doorway of my room.

"is it ok if I closed the door?" he asked gently. I shook my head yes, and he slowly closed the door and walked over to my bed and sat down.

"PK, I've seen you around the halls and I think you are amazing," he began.

"I hope you don't mind helping me study for my math class. I wish you were in more than just one class, everyone else seems to not care to help me, and I don't know why. I'm nice to everyone." I lowered my head and thought a second.

"well I always try to be a good person to everyone, and you are nice. Does this have anything to do with you liking other guys?" I asked. There was a long pause before he continued. I never knew silence between two people could be so awkward.

"Well, uh, sort of.." he admitted. I broke a slight smile.

"Do you like me in that sort of way?" I asked hesitantly. Another long paused passed. I could sense him starting to whimper a bit and then gradually start to increase his volume in his sobs. "Yes," he mumbled through his sobs.

"I hope you don't mind, I just.....just....I don't know..." he trailed his words and I reached for his right leg and found his hand and grabbed it and gave it a squeeze.

"Hey, I don't mind, I think I'm uh....I think I'm kind of like that too anyway," I managed to push out.

"Really? Honest?" Lowell was beginning to get more of an interest so I continued.

"I promise I am. I have had these strange feelings for other guys for quite a while but never knew how to express them. So that's why I didn't get mad at you and I tried to smile each time you brought it up." I continued. His sobs were now constant and he was now facing away from me. I put my arm around him and held his hand with my right hand. I couldn't help but notice stirring in my pants. I gradually worked my hand up his arm and around his neck. It was like my emotions were taking over and telling me what to do. before I knew it both of us were in a deep passionate hug. I could feel myself begin to get wet in my pants. He didnt' seem to be anxious to do anything but before I knew it, after he had stopped crying, our lips were locked and I was petting the back of his head and rubbing his back. I guess I didn't really have to use my hands around his waste all that much because I could feel his already stiff penis in his jeans as I sat on his lap hugging and kissing him. Before I knew it, he pushed me on my back on my bed and his hands started moving up and down my chest and stomach. Since I hadn't started puberty yet, or if I had, I didn't have any body hair. He began to lift my shirt off me, so I raised my arms so he could completely remove my shirt, and he did the same to himself. It definitely seemed like he had experience of some sort. He started kissing me all over my chest, sides, face and licking me from neck to jeans. "You know, I've never done this before," he hesitantly said. "Oh yes, you're doing fine, I guess. I've never done this before either but it really feels good." I quickly confirmed. I felt him unsnap my jeans and he slid his fingers in the sides and I knew he was trying to slide them off me, so I raised my bottom off the bed and felt my jeans slide down to and off my feet and heard them being tossed on the floor by Lowell. Just as I thought he was going to remove my underwear, I let out a moan and he lay his self on top of me with his arms tied around my skinny body and I reached around him, right arm over left arm, and our lips met. The next thing I new, his tongue was in my mouth and he had me moaning consistently. Feeling his now fully erect penis through his underwear made me almost have my first orgasm with a boy. After about five minutes, he lifted himself and took off my socks. I hadn't noticed, but in the process of undressing me, he had also finished undressig himself. He told me to get up in order for him to slide back the covers on my bed and we both got in. Once his body met mine, totally naked, I let out the loudest moan I think I probably ever had that wasn't from pain in my life. I felt my body tense up and I thrust my hips up in the air, both of us once again locked together with our arms tied around each of our bodies. I slid my right hand down and thrust my index finger into his crack. His lips pressed harder against mine and he moaned. All of a sudden, I started shooting huge wads of semen, whih poured out of me like a sink faucet. My warm thick cream ran down my stomach and chest and down the side of my neck and started to gather in a pool on my pillow. Lowell suddenly let out a shrill squeal and his body let out four long jets of hot thick semen just as I had and finally colapsed onto me then we snuggled before falling asleep, under my warm down comforter. We somehow found ourselves kissing passionately for several minutes. Lowell moaned once more and shot a second load of teenage boy juice all over me. I pressed his head against my face and thrust my tongue inside his mouth and immediately he started sucking on it like a pacifier. Once we finished kissing and moaning we fell asleep for what seemed like all night but it was actually about quarter after eight. We separated ourselves from one another and only then did I realize the intense odor of our semen, which I found not to be a turn off as everyone at school said. I had dried semen all over me, and had to find some way to clean myself before mom came upstairs to get Lowell to go home because his mother was here to get him. I nearly passed out when I realized what we had just done, and was thankful Lowell had a quick mind, because I certainly didn't. All he told me was "get dressed," and so I did just that. By the time mom got to the door I was thankful she did not proceed to walk in, as he decided to pop me a kiss square on the lips and I turned quite red.

"I'm ready to go home, thank you for letting me stay Mrs. PK's mom!" he exclaimed as he bounced out the door.

"Can we have a sleep over this weekend?" he shouted back. I almost died. If there was ever such a thing as a color draining vacuum it would have been what pulled all the blood directly from my head, down to my feet, because I turned instantly pale. Either mom really hadn't noticed, or she chose to keep quiet because she knew something had been up, or was up. But then again, for all she knew I had never been to a sleep over before and if this is what she was worried about then I could probably use it as an excuse if she were to ask.

"We'll see. You can come over any time you want, I enjoy having PK's little friends over." Before I knew it, they had already left and my normal color returned to my face. Mom kissed me and left me to my room without uttering a word. I couldn't tell if she was smiling or not, but when she makes those sort of moves, it always nerves me. I decided if she was mad or thought soething had been up, that I better go face the music before went to bed, so I could at least sleep in peace.

I waited for quite a while relaxing on my already unstraightened bed. When I rolled over to get up, that was when I realized the puddle of semen that was still damp on my pillow. My heart nearly fell through my stomac. I started down the stairs with my head hung as to tell her, yeah, I know I've done something I shouldn't have.

"Hi, PK. You sure you are alright? Do you have a fever?" she inquired.

"No, just kind of stressed out is all." I quickly replied. As nothing else had passed in the conversation I'd decided to work my way back upstairs to my bed and go to sleep. I walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and use the bathroom when I noticed the dried semen and realized I hadn't taken a shower, and since I usually do that on school nights, I figured now would be the time to do it.

"Time to get rid of the evidence," I thought to myself. By now I had been shaking like a leaf. Images of dad popped into my mind and I nearly cried. As I climbed into bed I composed myself and drifted off to sleep. I was restless.

The entire next day I had a hard time remembering, since it was all sucha blur. My head was stuck in a cloud but no one seemed to notice, not even Lowell when I plopped down next to him in math. Finally when class was finally over and there was enough hustle and bustle around so as to mask our small conversation, Lowell leaned in to tell me he thought he loved me, and I almost started to cry. I never even saw that one coming and I wasn't sure I felt that way about Lowell. He was a sweet boy alright, but he'd only known me for about a week and a half. I was floored. I was certain now that he had some form of a crush on me. Well, after the previous night, how could he not? If he didn't, I'm sure he and I would have never done that stuff. I figured I needed time to think about it. I also didn't know much about this boy, but remembered that he wanted to have a sleep over and guessed I might learn more about him then, as well as his family.

I hope chapter one was interesting, chapter two will be in the works here soon. the importants of this story is to open to one's mind how a childs life can be affected by parents and outside sources. these are my thoughts that I quite frequently had. Perhaps if enough requests are sent to me, I might actually consider sorting out the details in the story about what is true or not. For now just let the imagination flow! Send me any ideas you may have for future chapters.