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CHAPTER FOURTEEN
We managed to make it through Christmas without disaster ensuing. No Smoak brothers or fathers, no psychopaths trying to steal Ali away, no Mira screaming down the door about deadlines. Now we just needed to get through the New Year.
Christmas was wonderful. We went over to Tavis and Courtney's. I had been so happy that they had included Ali. Being part of normal family gatherings like that was what he held most precious. We had our own dinner. We opened gifts. He gave me the travel itinerary for a trip to Japan. He was taking me to a hot springs, so that I'd shut up about it. I may not be friends with Riley anymore, but I still wanted to visit some. So naturally he had to go to the extreme and take me all the way to Japan, instead of one here in California. I gave him a large painting of the Golden Gate Bridge from just behind the vantage point of the bench where I told him I loved him. He knew what it meant without my having to say it. I tried not to be too pleased that he hung it in the most central spot in the living room. And then after we had opened presents, we turned off all the lights, except the tree, and made love in the twinkling lights.
I was out of school, so I was taking my time at the breakfast table, reading the entire paper. I nearly spit out my orange juice when I read a wedding announcement for Halston Smoak and Karis Wishman.
No way! For real? Hurray! What great news! I hope this meant I never had to hear Halston tell me he loved me one more time.
The doorbell rang, and Ali, who had just come downstairs, was closest, so he answered it. "No. I told you I don't want to. Go away. This is getting old and you're starting to annoy me," he said into the intercom.
"Ali, what's going on? What's wrong?"
But he had already opened the door, and in came a woman roughly my age with rage blazing in her eyes. "I don't care if this is getting old! Say what you will. You will marry me!"
"I'm sorry. Did I just have a stroke? Because I swear it sounded like she said she wanted you to marry her? Who is this Ali?"
There was an amused glint in his eye at my jealousy. He knew it would drive me crazy not to know, so he didn't tell me. "Kip, can you make us some tea please?" I looked for something nearby to throw at him. When I didn't find anything, I went and made tea.
I was worried for Ali's expensive china tea set the way this girl set her cup down on the saucer with force. "I insist you marry me."
"I refuse." He smoked his cigarette and sat back casually as though they were discussing what movie to watch.
I eyed her over my cup. She couldn't have been older than twenty-one. Her sable hair fell straight and thick just past her shoulders and straight bangs short enough to show her thin eyebrows. Grey eyes that were nearly black glared at Ali. Needlessly smoothing her carnation pink sweater dress that she wore with a navy-blue obi belt, she claimed, "I'm the victim here. Don't you have any interest in helping me in the biggest crisis of my life?!"
Ali crossed his arms. "No, I don't. It's your problem, take care of it yourself. Don't drag other people into your problems."
She slapped an open palm on to the coffee table, rattling the china. "You're single! Why do you care?"
To my horror, he jerked a thumb at me. "Too bad for you, I've got Kip. He and I..."
"Ali! Hey! A... Do you want some more tea, or something? I can make snacks." I attempted to shoot him a warning glare, but he studiously ignored it.
For the first time, she really stared at me. "You're not the help?"
"What? No."
"What are your special talents?"
Okay, weird question. "Um, painting, I guess..." Why did she make me suddenly feel self-conscience?
"Your hobbies?"
"Oh, a...I like reading graphic novels. I'm thinking about starting one of my own."
"What an uninteresting person," she surmised to Ali.
I couldn't see over the couch anymore, because I was currently only a foot tall. "That's enough Karis." That's right, Ali. Stand up for me. "He may be uninteresting, but in his own uninteresting way, he's rather interesting."
"What?! Well, excuse me for being uninteresting. I don't have to take this from either of you. Who is she anyway?"
"We're cousins," they said at exactly the same time.
"Cousins?" And she wants to marry him? Oh my god this family.
"I was told mother was very sick and that I needed to come home. So, I rushed home from school in England, only to find out it was a big fat lie. Uncle François, along with my parents, intends to make me marry Halston."
"Halston? Ali's brother?"
"You know Halston?"
"You could say that. I read an announcement in today's paper about your engagement."
"An announcement in the paper? This is unbelievable! Alistor, please. If I stay with you, Halston will hate it. Maybe enough to not want to marry me. All you have to do is pretend that we're together."
"He'll never believe it. He and Father both know Kip. Go home. Even if I thought he'd believe it, I wouldn't do that. If you want a sham marriage, you're going to have to find someone else," he propounded coldly.
She looked on the verge of tears. I didn't blame her. The prospect of a lifetime with Halston was terrifying. "Ali, come on. Just let her stay here for a few days. Maybe we can figure something else out that doesn't involve marriage to anyone. You have to feel sorry for her."
Ali agreed, begrudgingly.
We were hiding out in his study as she made herself at home. "I'll handle the Karis issue somehow." Now he was going to be nice about it since she wasn't around.
"Your family's definitely being way too unreasonable. I mean, they're related to each other." I absent mindedly straightened up his desk.
"Halston and Karis aren't related by blood. Karis is from my mother's side of the family. At any rate, the best defense is to have nothing to do with anyone in my family."
"No doubt, you're right. Just be careful. I hate you having to deal..."
He grabbed my chin, interrupting me. "Kip, listen to me. I don't want you to leave the apartment until this matter is settled. They'll find some way to drag you into it, and I don't want that. They've put you through enough. This is my problem. Understand?"
I took his hand off my chin and held it for a few moments before letting it go. "Don't be ridiculous. It'll be fine. I'm an adult; I can handle this kind of stuff."
"Only children feel the need to go around saying that they're adults."
"I'll be fine! You say you love me, so why do you doubt me?!" I knew I'd struck a point when his eyes went wide. "You should trust me a little more, Ali." I tugged on his tie.
"I do...trust you. It's them. You shouldn't have to deal with them, darling."
"Don't call me darling!"
I was handwashing the tea set when Karis came down. "Where's Alistor?"
"Oh, he went out to get cigarettes." Sitting down on the sofa, she looked depressed. "Can I get you anything? Another cup of tea?" She made a noise that could have been construed as yes or no, so I just made her one.
"No one cares about what happens to me." She started speaking in a low voice, I suppose to me since I was the only one there, but she wasn't looking at me.
"I'm sure that's not..."
"I don't know how Uncle Francois talked my parents into it, but it means that he figures it'll benefit his company. It's always like this. My parents make all the decisions, without asking me. They won't let me do the things I want to do, saying I'm spoiled."
I brought her tea over. "If there are things you want to, then why don't you do them?"
Getting quite testy, she snapped at me, "Like I just said, my parents and my family are against it!"
"Yeah, but you know, the only person who can do the things you want to do is you."
She got quiet, and then softly muttered, "No one's...ever said anything like that to me before. I...I actually want to become a pastry chef."
"A pastry chef?"
"Don't laugh!"
I had done nothing close to laughing, but whatever, I get it. She's upset. "I wouldn't laugh at that. I made a cake just the other day. Want to see?" I took out my phone and pulled up a picture I had taken and showed it to her. "It was a three-layer chocolate cake with raspberries. It was my first time doing layers."
The doorbell rang. I left the phone with her to answer the door. Pressing the intercom, a stern voice floated through. "It's me, Halston."
"Shit!" I pressed the talk button. "Wh-what are you doing here?"
"I heard that Karis was here." Double shit.
This was bad. Not discounting Karis, but I had to keep Ali from running into him at all costs! Running into the living room, I told Karis, "Halston is here!"
"You're kidding!" She stood, panicked.
Thinking on the fly, I announced, "I'm going to take him someplace else, get him away from here."
"Are you sure? What should I tell Alistor?"
"Tell him that I promise to be careful and to trust me. I'll be back in three hours." I grabbed my coat and ran out the door.
When I showed up in the lobby instead of Karis, he didn't look surprised. I suggested that we go get a cup of coffee. He nodded in agreement as though none of this was strange. I took him to the Starbucks a few blocks over instead of the one closer to the apartment, mostly just to kill time, as well as to get some distance between him and Ali and Karis. Thankfully the morning rush was over and we were able to find two comfortable seats in the back corner.
He got an espresso, and I commented, "I don't know how you can drink that stuff. I'd be buzzing around here like a hummingbird on crack." I laughed nervously.
"Caffeine doesn't affect me," he remarked steadily. Apparently. "How is your latte? I noticed that you got soy milk. Do you have a milk allergy?"
"Huh? Oh, no. I just prefer the taste."
We sat in silence for a bit. It was odd not having him bombarding me with declarations of love or bad-mouthing Ali. I didn't know what to say to him. I knew the whole point to bringing him out was to talk to him about Karis, but I didn't know how to start. Thankfully he did. "So, Karis doesn't want to see me?"
"A...I..." Not a great start.
"It's fine. I'm really only pretending to look for her."
"What?"
"My father is the one behind this whole thing."
"Why?"
"To separate me from you."
Here we go again. "Uh, yeah, but we're not together. That doesn't make any sense."
"It seems my father found out that I'm in love with you." I will never understand how he can sit there and talk about these things so causally.
So, it seems that I am the cause of yet another drama.
"It'll be fine. I'll set matters straight. Up until now, I have done everything my father has asked of me, so he thinks that I will fall in line as usual. But I have no intention of obeying him this time."
That entire statement was loaded with landmines. I skipped right over it. "Can you please straighten out this whole misunderstanding? We won't ever be together."
"Do you hate me that much?" He continued his bluntness.
"No, that's not the issue here."
Before I could continue to try and make him understand that the entire situation should have absolutely nothing to do with me, he started musing, "I wonder what one must do to gain the love of others. My mother was my father's mistress, and Alistor's mother was his wife. You know that, right?"
"Um, more or less."
"When my father brought me to live with them, I was a child, but I knew exactly where I stood. That's why I wanted everyone to like me, and I meticulously followed the path that was expected of me. Yet, there were times that I didn't understand why I felt so suffocated, so smothered. Alistor was the complete opposite of me. He remained above anyone's influence, immersing himself only in things that pleased him. It seemed like such an incredibly happy life to me. That's why I thought that if I stole you away from Alistor, I might be able to find some happiness too."
I stared at him. He's not exactly what I thought. Everyone has their own hidden selves, but what drives him is flawed and cruel. "You know that's not how life works, though, right? Well, obviously not since you think taking something from your brother will make you happy. That day, after I fell from the window, Ali said something to you about you taking things from him. I don't know what they were, but have any of those things made you happy? Did you ever stop to think that this isn't about you finding happiness, but just straight up jealousy? Maybe you don't really hate him, maybe you want to be like him? Doing whatever pleases you, finding someone who loves you without schemes? You could have that too if you weren't so devious. I don't think any of this has to do with me, or Ali for that matter. You want to be like him so much, there's actually a chance that you might like him." Wow! That just came out. I'm not even sure where that came from. There was a good chance that Halston was about to kick my ass. Well, he could try.
I was relieved when he stayed in his seat. "No one has ever said such a thing to me." I bet not. I couldn't believe that I had said it.
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm out of line here. It just kind of arbitrarily come out."
Just then, his phone rang, saving me from whatever he was going to say next to my unsolicited advice about his personal life. "That was my father. He needs me back right away."
"Okay, sure." I stood, putting on my coat.
"Please tell Karis that I have no intention of marrying her. She doesn't need to hide anymore."
"Alright. I'll do that."
I nearly jumped out of my skin as I rounded the corner to my street and found Francois standing there. "Hello." He smiled benignly.
Crap! That makes four Smoaks in a day where I woke up hoping to make it to the New Year without any drama. Talk about jinxing myself!
"Wait. Halston said you just called him back to the office."
"Don't worry about that. More importantly, I went up to the Rocky Mountains the other day on a business trip. I found a new woodcarving of a bear. Look, he's dangling from this strap like a little charm. I had to get it for you. And one for Alistor, and one for Karis." He put three bears in my hands.
Okay, it's official. The entire Smoak family were wackos!
Standing there with bears in my hands, I didn't say anything. "Is something wrong?" he questioned.
As a matter of fact... "Yeah. It seems you're using me as the reason for...various things. But the thing is, this has nothing to do with me."
"Hmm..." He looked down the street to our apartment building. "But actually, that's not entirely true. At the very least, I've seen more than you have, by virtue of being older than you. And for better or for worse, I have my social standing as well, so there are also a lot of things that I have to protect. For example, my children. Hmm, yes. My children are very precious to me. And in protecting them..." he pointed a finger at me, "...you are a terribly troublesome presence."
I was stunned. "I...I don't..."
"You may not understand now, but you will in time. Well, see you later." And with a wave, he walked off.
I couldn't think. I went from speaking my mind to Halston, to thinking I could do the same with François, and it had not worked out well at all. Papa Smoak was not to be trifled with. What had I been thinking? I feel like he had just eviscerated me. Halston was always saying that Ali was going to end up being trouble for me, but Francois said the opposite. I was the one who was trouble for Ali and Halston. It was like he had known my biggest fear and shone a bright light on it.
Home. I had to get home. My time was up and I made a promise. I wanted to see Ali. I ran.
He was coming out of the elevator when I came in. He was wearing his navy-blue suit, a pink tie, and a dark blue overcoat. My knees went weak at the sight of him. I had to stop myself from running and jumping in his arms. "I was about to go look for you. I kept my promise. I trusted you and gave you your three hours. I waited exactly that long."
I smiled. This made me so happy. "Wow, that's impressive. You did good," I teased him a bit, patting him on the shoulder. The fact that he had trusted me and waited at the same time he was worried about me felt fantastic. "Keep this up from now on. If you do, it'll mean less trials and tribulations for me," I laughed.
But I shouldn't have said that because it made me remember what Francois said to me, swirling in my head like a bone-chilling wind. Even though I was surprised and happy, I felt scared.
It must have shown on my face because Ali placed a hand on my head. "Kip, what happened? You look like you're on the verge of tears."
"D-do I? I don't think I am." I slapped my cheeks lightly. I tried to change the subject. "Oh, it looks like the issue with Karis won't come to anything. Halston said he had no intention of marrying her, either. Problem solved."
"I see. I feel bad for getting you dragged into this."
"Nah, I'm fine. We can actually put this behind us now, so that's good."
"You don't look fine." His lavender-gray eyes were piercing me.
"I'm fine." I put on a big smile, but I knew that he could see through my lies. I kept smiling. I couldn't tell him this. Not ever.
I hated this. I didn't want to talk to Ali right now. And I'd be avoiding him if I had my own room, but Karis was in there, so I was sleeping in his bed. I laid down and turned my back to him.
"Kip."
"Hmm?" Maybe I could pretend to be falling asleep.
No such luck. "If something's wrong, tell me," he pressed.
"I told you, it's nothing." I hated lying. "I'm going to sleep now. Good night." I pulled the covers over my head.
"Kip!" He yanked the covers off me. "Is it that hard for you to trust me?
Oh god, my heart. That wasn't it. It's not that I don't trust him.
He gently turned me over and kissed me tenderly. Pulling back, he murmured, "While I was waiting for you I trusted you, but at the same time, I was worried out of my mind. I am jealous of everything that finds its way close to you. But I trusted you with Halston even though I know he's trying to take you from me. Talk to me. Otherwise it's difficult for me, because it makes me think you don't need me. I'm worried about you. Because I love you." He wrapped me up in his arms, pressing my cheek to his shoulder.
I couldn't even speak to say it was fine once again, because my throat was clogged with emotion. He was wrong. That's not it. "I want to know," he spoke low in my ear. I gripped his shirt at his back and held on tight to him. The tears that I was afraid of came.
I can't tell him, because I care about him.
He eventually fell asleep. I sat up watching him sleep for a long time. I sat there trying to figure out why I was such a, "terribly troublesome presence." Was it because I was still in college, not out in the world making a mark? Because I'm a nobody, not from a wealthy family?
Or was it just me?
Hurting Ali, making discord for him, it's the one thing I can't do, no matter what happens.
He can read me like a book. When had that happened? Or had it always been that way and this is the first time I didn't want him to. I'll have to do a better job at hiding this worry from him. I have to make sure he doesn't ever notice it, or I won't be able to be with him. It's okay. I'm used to it. I've been doing it since my parents died. Making certain that I wasn't any trouble to the people I love was what I was best at.
"Karis, there's nothing to worry about now. Hurry up and get out of here." Ali was being his usual charming self.
"Why? Does my being here bother you that much?'
"Yes." His cigarette barely moved in his mouth.
"Hey!"
Standing up to go and break them up, my phone rang. It was Halston. What could he want? I took it into the front room. "It's me."
"I know. What can I do for you?"
"What you said about Alistor, no one had ever put it to me like that before. So, just as you had said, I thought for a moment that perhaps I did like Alistor. But it turns out you were wrong after all. I love you."
The phone was taken out of my hand. Ali was standing behind me. He looked at the screen, seeing who it was, and hung it up. "Why did you take it in another room?"
"What does it matter? Who cares?" I sounded defensive, but I was annoyed.
"Oh-ho, I don't like the sound of that. Especially coming from you." He squeezed my cheeks like I was a child. "Perhaps I shall make you talk. I have the power to do so."
Karis came in and saved me. "Alistor, I'm not leaving yet. I have business with Kip."
His hands fell from my face. "What?" This was news to me.
"That cake you showed me. I thought it'd be nice to make it with you."
"A...sure. That thing takes a lot of work."
"I can do it!" She sounded determined. "I only do the things I love with the people I love." She turned red and sped away to the kitchen.
"Karis love me?" I asked Ali confused.
"She and I have similar tastes. That's why I wanted her out of here, and why I said you were uninteresting."
Wow. At least it's a girl from the Smoak family that loves me this time. "See Ali, I'm popular with the ladies, too." I laughed at the scowl on his face.
"Don't brag about something so useless." He caressed my cheek. "All you have to do is shut up and be loved by me alone...darling." He kissed my protest from me.