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CHAPTER THIRTEEN
"How many days do you think you have left until the deadline?" I looked up to see Ali charging out of his study with Mira hot on his tail. I paused Netflix and attempted to blend into the sofa so that they wouldn't see me, because I knew I'd get drawn into this somehow.
"I know precisely. I don't need you to tell me."
"You'll be done in twenty or thirty pages, so please just get it written."
"You're the one who rejected what I wrote. You should just take it as is."
"An everyday, average American college student from a middle-class family doesn't stay at a five-star hotel! They don't go on an around-the-world cruise on a luxury liner! They don't charter private planes!" Mira was absolutely apoplectic.
"I did," he stated coolly. Of course he did.
"You're not normal!" she yelled. She started pacing, running her hand through her hair. Then she stopped and started talking to the wall. "What am I going to do?! I definitely can't send it to copyediting! How will I lie about this to the printing house? The ads are already out there. If the release gets pushed back, we're done for! That probably means diddlysquat to this guy, but nothing could look worse for me!"
My nose chose the worse possible moment to sneeze. She rounded on me. "You!" She pointed an accusatory finger at me. "You're a normal college student. You've got to teach him what an average date is!"
"His dates have all been with..." I threw a pillow at Ali that hit him right in the face and he shut up.
"I could teach Ali about dating. I've had my fair share of being chased after by the ladies."
"Ha!" he barked. I somehow resisted throwing the remote at him.
"Of course you have, cutie." She tousled my hair. "You'll be a huge help! I'll bring you bear puffs every day! Thank you, Kip,!" * * *
Okay, so I haven't technically dated in college, (except for Ali) but I did go on some date] a few times in high school. How different could it be?
Not only had I put myself in the position of Mira, and Ali, depending on me, I felt like my manhood was being tested, like I had something to prove. I scratched out a list to give to him:
Itinerary 1. Shopping (buy her a gift) 2. Aquarium 3. Dinner (nothing over $40) 4. Escort her home
I looked over it one more time. Pretty average, I thought. I found him in his study and gave it to him.
"This is awfully cliché, isn't it?"
I snatched the paper out of his hand. "Fine. You don't have to use it. Do it yourself since you're the expert. Oh, wait. That's right, you failed so hard at it that Mira had a panic attack."
Ignoring my jibe, he put his large hand on my head and I relished the weight of it. "I like you helping me with my writing, other than the usual inspiration for sex scenes." He gave me a knowing grin that made my column begin to stir.
"Well, I figured that I better help or Mira was going to have to be committed to a mental ward."
"Step 4, where do you eat for under $40? Japanese? French?"
I scoffed. Typical. "Probably a chain restaurant or a mom and pop type place."
"That doesn't sound very appealing."
"How would you know? You've probably never been to one. Just trust me okay?"
"Okay then, teacher, I have a question."
"What is it?" Couldn't wait for this, I thought sarcastically.
"Is there no step 5?"
"What do you mean?"
"This, of course." He took my chin and brought his mouth to mine, giving me a thoroughly blistering kiss.
When he released me I was dazed. "I-I thought this was supposed to be a wholesome date? Besides, I'll leave that part up to you."
"You always do."
I made an angry sound in protest, but the truth was that I couldn't protest because I didn't have a leg to stand on. He was right, I always left that part up to him. I just could never bring myself to make the first move, or anything at all that wasn't directly asked of me. Lately I had been wondering what Ali tasted like, and I kept hoping that one of these days he would tell me to go down on my knees, because god knows I would never do it on my own.
"How about you help me figure out how the scene should go?" He laid a line of hot kisses down my throat to where it met my shoulder. His hands went under my shirt, running cool hands all over my torso. A groan escaped my lips as I readied myself for one of our sessions of afternoon delight.
He had just laid me down on the rug in the study when the buzzing of the door intercom went off. "Ignore it," he commanded immediately. It buzzed again and again.
"Just let me get it so they'll go away." He grumbled something with the words, "fucking," "ridiculous," "smash," and "doorbell."
"Delivery." I buzzed them in. God not more cherries. I started to get out the box where we kept money to pay the delivery person to take Halston's gifts to the homeless shelter. But it turns out that I didn't need it. It was a sizeable box, the words "perishable" nowhere in sight.
Taking it to the living room and setting it on the coffee table, I checked the delivery slip. The recipient was me, and the sender was... "Oh shit!" I whispered to myself.
François Smoak. Ali's father. Oh, this wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. Not only did it appear that another Smoak family member was sending me things (I really must exude some pheromone that was like crack to Smoak men), but worst of all, I hadn't told Ali about meeting his father yet. We were fighting the day it happened, and he had been so happy the last few days, (me too) that I hadn't had the heart to ruin it, because I knew it was going to upset him. Hell, it upset me.
"I can't believe it." Opening the box, I found a god damned wood carved bear statue; it was holding four salmon. Also in the box was a hand-written note:
Thank you for being so good to me the other day. This
is not exactly in thanks for the three salmon, but I found
something rare among my own possessions, so I hope you
will accept it.
François Smoak
As I was reading the note, Ali came in and spotted it immediately. "Wow, four salmon. Where did Tavis find that?"
"I-it's not from Tavis." My voice was shaky. Picking up the delivery slip, the color drained from his face. I rushed in with an explanation. "I mean, it was a crazy coincidence. He apparently wanted to try riding the train alone after hearing that Halston did it. He was on the train the night I went to the art show. I had that other bear statue with me, you know, and it fell out of the bag and he picked it up and we got to talking. I ended up giving it to him since he liked it so much and we still had two others to get rid of. He invited me for coffee to say thank you, but I definitely turned him down. I had no idea he was your father until he was met by Halston to pick him up. All three of us were totally surprised. Isn't that the most insane coincidence ever?" I laughed nervously, praying that the fallout wouldn't be too horrible.
"Throw this away." He picked it up and headed for the kitchen trash.
"Hey, we don't need to throw it away." He sent a bone chilling glare my way. "I-I don't mean I want to keep it, but we could find it another home like we did the others. It's not the bear's fault." My nervous laughter was starting to get on my own nerves.
"Don't make me repeat myself! It goes." He threw it in the trash, making it clang against the metal bin. "You leave yourself way too open!" I expected him to be angry with me, but it still stung because I hated it when he was. "You went to that art show a week ago. How could you not tell me?"
"Well, I mean, we...we weren't in a great place last week, remember?" God, I hated talking about this kind of stuff. "And that was the night we kind of had that blow out because you asked me to, you know...move out. I didn't want to upset you more. I tried to tell you. Remember that ten-pack of tissues? I had been just about to tell you and chickened out. And then after that, it was the opposite problem. We were finally good again, and well, I didn't want to ruin it by needlessly upsetting you. I was going to tell you. I swear! Soon. I never thought your dad would sent me a fucking bear statue. What is it with your family and gifts?"
He didn't say anything. He didn't even look at me. See? This was exactly what I had been afraid of. Reticent Ali was back.
At last he nodded, just once, letting me know that my explanation was acceptable. I thought about asking him what was going on between him and his dad that they no longer spoke, but decided against it. I mean, it could be considered bad timing, but when was that sort of question ever comfortable to ask?
Several stores already had Christmas displays even though Thanksgiving was still more than a week away. Even though Ali was still barely talking, he insisted we do our "average" date for his research. We had just been shopping where I begrudgingly let him buy me some new palette knives because I was always misplacing them. Paint brushes I kept forever, but palette knives disintegrated into thin air. I tried not to think that Ali buying me the gift meant I was the girl, but I didn't have any money and I was the stupid jackass that put it on the list.
"We're done with shopping, so up next is the aquarium." I attempted to keep the conversation going. Silence. "Ali are you okay? Is this helping?"
"What? Oh, yeah. We're going to the de Young museum next?"
"I just said we were going to the Aquarium of the Bay."
"Oh, right." So much for conversation.
This thing with his dad was really bothering him. I felt wretched, even though I didn't meet him on purpose. It was a giant coincidence. I swear, the next time I saw Halston or François, I was running the other way.
"This is awesome!"
"I haven't seen this many fish in a long time." Ali seemed to brighten a little.
"That big school over there... What type do you think they are? The silvery ones."
"They're saurel. Pretty sure."
"Sauriously?" I didn't get him to laugh, but when he rolled his eyes at me I knew I was getting through. "Look! They have otters." I pointed to the sign to the otter pavilion. "It says they have babies."
He smiled. "Alright. Let's go see the otter babies."
We passed by some bathrooms. "I'm going to duck in here for a second," I told him.
"I'll wait for you out here so that I can have a smoke," he indicated a small patio area.
When I came out of the stall, I was glad that I had just gone to the bathroom or I might have wet myself. Standing there, appearing to be waiting for me, was Halston. Why?!
I tried to run. "Wait!" He grabbed the back of my coat. "I want to talk to you."
"What are you doing here? Stalker!" I jerked my coat out of his clasp.
"Keep your voice down."
"Keep telling me what to do and see how far that gets you!" I was furious. His timing couldn't have been any worse. Why today?!
"Please. Just for a minute, I promise." It was the first time I had ever heard him be consolatory.
There was zero chance that whatever he had to say wasn't one hundred percent selfish, but if he was desperate enough to track me down here, then I had better get it over with or this would keep happening. "Hurry up. Ali's waiting for me."
"Why are you here?"
"We're on a date, of course." Normally I wouldn't admit that to anyone, but I loved throwing that in Halston's face. "What are you doing here?"
"I needed to talk to you."
"There's this thing, it's called a phone."
"And you would have hung up the moment you knew it was me." I didn't argue. "Besides, I needed to see your face." Before I could ask why, he continued. "I have a message from my father. He appreciated what you did for him the other day. He'd like to have dinner with you sometime, so he wants to know what days you might be free."
"Listen, his thank you gift this morning upset Ali enough, going to dinner with him would be a terrible idea. I can't think of one reason why we would need to anyway. Tell him I said thank you, but I think it'd be best if that's where we left it."
"I'll convey your wishes to my father. I had a duty to pass along the message, so I had to ask. I wasn't aware that he had sent you a gift. I'm sure it was something worthless or ridiculous." Yes, not like fifty pounds of strawberries and cherries. "Don't think that you have to keep it." He pushed his glasses up further on his nose. "The old man is always doing inane things like that."
Not for the first time, I had to think what a dick this guy was. I thought François' gift was pretty thoughtful. Even Ali had found it amusing before he found out who it was from. For Halston to be speaking so scathingly about his father to me was odd. I'm sure there was a good reason that Ali, and even Halston, didn't like their father so much, but I was starting to feel a little bad for the guy
"The reason I wanted to see you, I've been thinking a lot... I thought that perhaps my interest in you was an extension of my thoughts on my relationships with my father and younger brother. But now I know that to be false. I love you."
"Get a hold of yourself, man." I began backing away.
He followed. "What do you want? I am in a position to give you whatever you desire. Name it."
"Nothing! Do you have a hard time taking no for an answer? I don't want any strawberries or cherries, not even my own island would make me change my mind. Got it?" I had almost made it to the exit.
"You joke, but I can buy you an island if you want."
"No, psycho!"
I stubbed out my cigarette. Kip was taking too long. I went inside and made my way to the bathroom and was just about to turn down the corridor when I heard the unmistakable sound of my brother's voice. I stopped in my tracks.
Normally I would go to Kip's aid, because surely Halston was harassing him, but after this morning's revelation, and now this, I had to ask myself if Kip was doing something to invite their attention. So, I listened.
"It's obvious that if you stay with Alistor, eventually something bad will happen to you. Can an ordinary person like you endure that kind of pressure? It may even cause trouble for your brother. Does he know about you two? How would he feel about it? If he turned his back on you, I could take care of you. I can protect you from any kind of trouble."
"Shut up! You don't have any idea what you're talking about!"
"I will make you realize this. You may not realize right now that what I'm saying is true, but there will inevitably come a day when you'll choose me."
"No there won't! I want to stay with Ali of my own free will; what you're trying to do is the complete opposite of that. And leave my brother out of this! I'm not doing anything that would cause trouble for him. And as long as I'm not any trouble to Ali, that's all I care about. Get it through your thick skull already!"
Kip came running out and I managed to stand in a place where he didn't see me so that he wouldn't know that I had been listening.
He didn't say a word about seeing Halston when we finally met up, but I could see that he was clearly agitated. Neither of us spoke much during dinner. We stopped at the first place we saw which was a fish and chips place. I barely ate, and Kip threw half of his away.
On the way home, I decided that we needed to talk, so I drove us to a spot I knew that overlooked the Golden Gate Bridge. The wind wasn't too bad on the promontory, so we got out and sat apart on a bench.
"This is a nice addition to the date. And it didn't cost any money. Well done. Do you think today's hands-on experience will be useful?"
"Thanks to you. I'll finish the manuscript once we get home."
"Make sure you do. Mira's texted me a million times." He held up his phone for me to see.
"Me too."
"She really doesn't trust you."
"It'll be fine. You've taught me all kinds of things."
"You owe me big time then." He gave a half smirk to show he was joking. I knew that he would never ask for anything in return; he would get it anyway. Looking back out across the bay, he volunteered, "The bridge is really pretty lit up at night, isn't it?"
My answer was to say something terrifying. "Kip, it might be better if you weren't involved with me."
He didn't move. In fact, he looked completely frozen. Finally, he uttered, "Uh, yeah. M-maybe. I mean, like today. Having to drag you around to teach you how to be average, what a pain in the ass. And it's not the first time you've been a pain, and no doubt not the last. If it's not one thing, it's another with you. There's a new volume of my favorite graphic novel coming out soon. If you buy it for me, I'll forgive you." The way his voice was tremulous tore at me.
"You could go to Tavis' place, or you could live alone. Either way, I'll pay for everything."
"I don't need you to do that." He kept staring at the bridge. After a few moments he quizzed, "You saw Halston at the aquarium, didn't you?" He stared down at his feet. "Please believe me, I knew nothing about that. I swear. I've done everything I can think of, besides hauling off and clobbering him, to get him to leave me alone. I don't miss a chance to tell him to back off. It probably makes me madder than you every time I have to talk to him. Is that what's bothering you?"
"No, that's not it."
He looked up at me and shouted, "Then what is it?! What did I do wrong?"
"I don't want to hurt you. In everything that I've dealt with in life, I've lived believing that it's better for me to grin and bear it rather than see my relationships fall apart by sharing my true thoughts and feelings with them. In fact, I believed I'd been handling things well, and I thought things were fine that way. But ever since I met you, I've grown less able to cope that way.
"And I think it's a definite possibility that you'll continue to have more contact with my family. My family knows a side of me that you don't know. If you were to find out about that side, I can't help but think that you might want to distance yourself from me. And I would do anything to prevent that from happening. It makes me feel insecure. Part of me doesn't want to control you, and part of me wants to lock you away. The one thing I know I don't want to do is hurt you. But it doesn't work that way in reality. The hurt in life comes no matter how hard you try. If you're going to distance yourself and leave me, I would rather create that distance now. What I'm most afraid of is losing you."
The entire time I spoke, Kip had watched me with intensity. I could see him paying attention to every word in order to fully comprehend what I was saying, like there was nothing more important to him than what I was saying. I had only been quiet a few moments when he told me earnestly, "Ali, you have never hurt me."
"I practically forced myself on you immediately after we started living together." My guilt for that continued.
"So, this isn't about you not liking me anymore? You're afraid that I don't like you?" He sounded incredulous.
"Exactly." I felt my heart die a bit for every second he didn't say anything. How was I ever going to live without him? But it was the right thing to do. He had to know the truth; that one day it was a real possibility that my family would drive us apart. That it wasn't his fault that they perused him. It was mine and mine alone.
"Ali? It's okay. I...love you." My heart stopped. He scooted over to sit right next to me. "Or rather, what the fuck?!" He was yelling at me. "That's what all this was about? Holding on to a stupid doubt like that! You scared the shit out of me!"
"It's not stupid."
He sighed. "I know. It's okay. I'm okay. And I wasn't forced or anything. Not once. If I seriously didn't like you, there's no way I'd be with you."
I took his hand in mine. And my hand, that was usually cold, was warm against his. It was as though our hands were connected to our hearts, and our hearts were connected together. Our heartbeat was the same.
When we got home, Ali insisted that I was cold, but cold wasn't the reason I was shivering. He had held my hand the entire drive. And the way he was speeding, I knew what was going to happen once we arrived.
He led me to the shower room in his bathroom. And it was a room, not a stall. He turned on the heaters and the hot water, filling the air with steam. Kneeling at my feet on the soft bathroom rug, he kissed my hand and then the other. "I love you, Kip."
We undressed each other. There was no rushing, we both took our time. As always, the sight of his erection made my stomach clench. I wanted so badly to reach out and grasp it, but he had never asked me to touch him. He seemed to derive all his pleasure from touching me, so I continued to wait to be asked. His erection inside of me was more than enough.
But we weren't there yet. We stood under the spray, our tongues tangling in a sensual slow dance. "I love your lips," he told me. "And I love your tongue," he continued to praise me. He drew my tongue into his mouth sucking on it. My fingers dug into his shoulders.
He moved me closer to the shower wall and where we weren't directly under the water. He stooped, placing his hands on the back of my thighs and I gasped in surprise when he picked me up. "Put your legs around me." I had no choice or I'd fall. I squeezed my legs around his slick body as I grasped his shoulders. He kissed me deeply again, but it was hard to concentrate with our dicks brushing against each other as they bounced back and forth between our bellies.
I think he could sense my impatience because he pulled away from me, smiling a knowing grin. Reaching over to grab a bottle from the shelf, he held me up with only one hand and the pressure of the wall behind me. I was always impressed with how strong he was. Tipping the bottle, he poured a small amount of conditioner, with a scent so familiar of Ali, over both of our members. I was so curious as to what he was doing that I was barely breathing.
After putting the bottle back, his hand went between us, holding our cocks together. Up and down he went, jacking us off together. "Oh Jesus!" This was glorious. This was a whole new sensation. His dick, rock hard against mine was something I never knew I wanted. But I did. I wanted it so bad. I swear to god I could feel it pulsing.
He gave me something else that I wanted, but it was something that I already knew. Something that I had been thinking and fantasizing about. Yes, my dick was there, but to see Ali touching himself made my belly quiver. He was always having me touch myself for his desire, and how much had I wanted to watch him jack off.
I couldn't take my eyes off his huge hand pumping up and down on his rigid sex and mine. I could see him watching me, and normally I would be embarrassed, but I was too enthralled to care. A grunt escaped my throat, I was getting close. He could tell because he told me, "Don't come yet. Hold onto it. I want us to come together." I whimpered in frustration. "I'm almost there, just hang on. You can help me. Tell me why you like this so much." I was hesitant. "Tell me." He pounded us firmer.
"I-I like our dicks touching," I panted. He was insane if he thought I could hold off much longer. But his questioning, in addition to turning him on was distracting me from climaxing.
"What else? I can tell you really love this."
"Oh, fuck!" I moaned before I could continue.
"Tell me!"
"You! I like seeing you touching yourself!"
"You like that?"
"Yes!" His hand was a haze drubbing on our cocks. "Oh god Ali, I've got to come!"
"Do it!" We watched as we came together, our liquid spilling all over his hand.
I was making his coffee when Ali came down. I felt myself blushing. It wasn't because of the sex last night. Well, it was a little bit because of that. Mostly it was because of the, "I love you."
"Morning, darling." I was no longer embarrassed, I was annoyed.
Before I could complain about the "darling," my phone rang. "It's Mira," I informed him, looking at my caller id.
I answered it, planning on handing it over to Ali, but the bastard was sneaking out the door. "Going to buy cigarettes," he called, shutting the door behind him. I take it he didn't finish his manuscript last night. I suppose he was a little busy. I had to listen to Mira scream for the next twenty minutes.