This is a story about some young gay men and their families, and what they experience learning about gay life. Thanks to Tim Mead for all his help. Comments welcome to Cgard43@hotmail.com
THE OTHER BOYS OF SUMMER
-3-
The next evening, I talked to my two friends Jim and Ted. They've been together about six years and are as close as two guys could get. I don't know for sure, but I'd guess they're both in their early thirties. They live together in a nice house, and are monogamous yet sociable with friends. I explained that Eric was a newbie who was just learning about being gay and asked if I could bring him by for a drink sometime. They were amenable, and we tentatively made a date for the weekend.
I explained this to Eric who was clearly enthusiastic about meeting my friends so I called Ted back to confirm our date for Saturday afternoon. In the meantime I put together the Internet site list for Eric and put it into an envelope with the pamphlets from the GSA and MCC.
Rafe called just as I was finishing.
"So, what's up, tutor?" he asked cheerfully.
I explained what had transpired at dinner and meeting Fred at the bar, and about the plans to get together with Ted and Jim. Rafe was encouraging about all that. I then told him about the feedback Eric had gotten from his counselor. I could hear Rafe gagging on that news on the phone.
He then surprised me.
"Do you know the name of this counselor he's seeing?" he asked. I answered that I didn't and he let it go.
"Tell you what," he said, "Ask Ted and Jim if I can join you guys. I think maybe I need to meet Eric just to see if I can get any more ideas on how you can help him." He chuckled.
"And I promise you that I'm not trying to hit on him," he said with a laugh. That hadn't occurred to me but I laughed too.
"Thanks pal," I said and so it was set that we'd meet at Ted and Jim's on Saturday.
I'd coached Eric only to the extent that I explained that I hadn't told the guys (he didn't know about Rafe at this point) about his prior history with the aversion therapy or the restrictions his parents had put on his dating. I'd decided just to let the guys speak for themselves.
I've joked before that when I grow up I want to live in a house just like Ted and Jim have. They are both professionals so they make a pretty good living, and they choose to spend money having a nice house and furnishings. In my experience, saying that all gay guys have nice houses is one of the weakest of all the stereotypes out there; lots of them simply don't!
But at this point, what mattered was that Ted and Jim's house was right up there in the same league as the house in which Eric had grown up. I knew that he probably wouldn't notice the quality of the design and furnishings, but I thought that maybe I could use the point to explain the comparability of straight and gay couples.
They couldn't have been more welcoming when we arrived at cocktail hour on Saturday. They served some hors d'oeuvres and offered beer or a drink. I opted for a soft drink as I was the designated driver but Eric said he'd really like a beer.
His basic good manners showed in the early conversation. He complimented the guys on their home and commented on how nicely furnished it was. I told myself that at least this was one thing I didn't need to tutor him about.
"Andy tells us you're fairly new to gay life," Jim said after a few minutes. It was a very smooth segues.
"Yes," Eric replied, "Though I've known for years that I was gay. I think I probably made a mistake in telling my parents about it a bit too soon. Somehow I think they'd have been more accepting if I'd been an adult."
I doubted this was true; people who try to 'cure' homosexuals don't get it at any age, but I said nothing.
"Well, I personally think that those of us who figure it out early are way ahead," Ted said, "You know there are guys my age who've married and fathered children before they figured out that they were gay. That makes for some real problems for them." Everyone kind of smiled; I certainly knew a couple of guys who'd done that.
"So when did you know?" Eric asked. It sounded just a slight bit impertinent but Ted took it in stride.
"To tell you the truth," he said quietly, "I think I always knew, even when I was just a kid." That kind of hit home to me and I jumped in.
"Me too, now that you mention it," I said. "I mean there was never a time when I didn't think that I was somehow different. It took me a while to figure it out, but I do think I always knew, even as a boy."
"I'm there with you," Ted said. "Jim was older when he realized it...what, honey, about twenty?"
I was watching Eric and yes, he flinched slightly when Ted had said "honey" but I just touched his arm and I could sense that he calmed down right away.
"That's about right," Jim said, "I was in college." Just then the doorbell rang.
Sure enough, it was Rafe who looked terrific in casual dress. Having been warned, Jim and Ted were welcoming and then I introduced Rafe to Eric.
"Eric, this is my best friend, and a really great guy," I said. They shook hands and Ted quickly got Rafe a beer as he sat down between Eric and me.
"Pardon me for saying this," Eric said, turning to me, "But you sure have attractive friends. I mean first Fred, and then Jim and Ted and now Rafe. Wow, man." We all laughed.
"Well, you're a great looking guy yourself, Eric," Rafe said. I'm afraid I looked at him feeling very puzzled and just a bit upset.
"Thanks," said Jim, "But we've got a few years on both these guys, gesturing to Rafe and me."
"I don't care," Eric said with a grin, "What I said still stands."
The visit was very enjoyable. At some point, I led the conversation around to what I really wanted Eric to learn.
"Ted and Jim," I said quietly, "The reason I was particularly eager for Eric to meet you is that he's just starting to learn about gay life, and I want him to understand that partnering up is quite a viable option."
"Well," Jim said, "It's viable if your job and your family let it be so. We have friends who are just as committed as we are, but they can't live together."
"Why not?" Eric asked.
"Well, in one case it's because one of them is a teacher in a small town, and in another case because one is very dependent on family and unwilling or unable to break away." Eric sat silently for a minute or so.
"Both Ted and I are fairly out, certainly to our families and friends, so we can pretty much do what we want."
"Well, this is what I want," Eric said with a huge grin. "I mean I want to have a guy I care about and who belongs to me. I want to have a nice house like this and live well. You know what I mean?" The last was directed to me.
"Of course I do," I answered. " And I'll tell you honestly that I think that's what I want too. But some guys don't partner ever, although I do think that fundamentally most guys want life to be good and fulfilling that way. But, some guys just prefer remaining single or never find that one special man."
Rafe had been sitting very quietly, listening to the conversation. I had been waiting for him to jump in and he did in a rather surprising way.
"Remember, young Eric," he said, (and bear in mind that Rafe is only a few months older) "Part of all of that is making sure you're ready to give of yourself too. If it's really a partnership there's a lot of give and take." That got a very good laugh from both Jim and Ted. All eyes turned to them, but when I looked at Rafe he didn't look at all happy.
"Well, of course," Jim said, "Just as husbands adjust to wives and vice versa, guys, or girls come to that, have to compromise and adjust to their partners."
"Is that difficult?" Eric asked with the innocence of youth. Both Ted and Jim smiled.
"It wasn't for us, but then we're quite a bit alike to begin with," Jim said.
"Though there were a few issues we needed to resolve," Ted said with a smile.
"You mean like sex?" Eric asked. I started to interject that I thought that rude, but Jim stopped me.
"It's okay, Andy," he said, "How else do you learn if you don't ask questions?" Then he turned to Eric again.
"No, Eric," Jim said quietly, "Sex was never an issue. We both enjoy the same things sexually and we've always been compatible on that score." I chuckled to myself; I, of course, had no idea what Jim and Ted did in bed but whatever it was, it seemed to keep them happy.
"Let me give a very simple example," Ted said quietly. "When we first started living together it drove me crazy that Jim never hung up his clothes when he took them off. They were all over the chair, the bed, the floor...it just drove me nuts." There were a few chuckles but Ted went on.
"After I got to know Jim's parents, I realized that his Mom had always picked up after him and so that's what he was used to. But, of course, I had no intention of doing that. So, after two or three chats he finally understood how much it bothered me. And, we haven't had that problem since." He said the last sentence with a lot of conviction.
Jim then did the most charming thing. He stood and walked over to Ted's chair and sat down on the arm of the chair. He put his hand around his guy's neck.
"That's a very good example," he said, "Once I realized how much it bothered Ted, I knew I had to change for the good of our relationship. Perhaps my Mom and Dad should have trained me better." He leaned over and kissed Ted on the cheek.
I admit I was watching Eric as this transaction occurred. He just sort of smiled.
The very large glass of soda I'd consumed sent me to the bathroom and when I returned, I could tell the dynamic of the room had changed. Eric looked somewhat bothered and Rafe was looking a bit smug. Ted and Jim had evidently gone to the kitchen and were just returning as I was.
"I think we'd better be going, Eric," I said. I explained that we were going out to dinner with Fred and Donald, his date, and we didn't want to be late. I gave both Jim and Ted hugs and then turned to Rafe while Eric was saying good-bye to our hosts.
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Just call me when you get home, okay," he whispered. We hugged each other and I turned to find Eric ready to leave.
"Thanks for everything, guys," I said.
I hugged Rafe again, even though he still had that self-satisfied look. We left and walked out to my car and then headed on to our dinner with the guys.
"What happened between you and Rafe?" I asked since we'd arrived first and were waiting at the table.
"Oh, nothing," he said. I admit I glared at him.
"Talk to me, Eric," I said trying not to sound like a father.
"He asked me if I was in counseling," Eric admitted, "I couldn't lie to him, I mean, not with those sexy brown eyes of his. So I told him I'm seeing Dr. X."
"And?" I asked.
"And, he told me he thinks Dr. X is an asshole who could never help me with my problem." He looked like a pained child.
"He said Dr. X couldn't help me because he's part of that group that's trying to change gay kids; that's what Rafe said. I think I already knew that and I guess what he said made me realize that I shouldn't be paying any attention to what the man says. That's all it was about."
"Do you feel better now?" I asked, and for the first time in a while, he smiled that sexy sweet smile at me.
"Oh yes, I've figured out how to deal with that crap from now on," he said. Just then Fred and his date arrived and we all shook hands and sat down and began a delightful dinner together.
Dinner was a pleasure and I was glad that Eric got the chance to see a couple of gay guys dating. Fred is naturally gregarious and kept up a charming flow of talk himself while making sure he involved the others at the table. Don was a great guy too. He was in retail and he had the most amazing sense of humor and told very funny stories about the things that happened to him at work. He kept us laughing all through dinner. Eric was quiet at first but finally he caught the tone and joined in.
"Okay, so are you guys boyfriends?" he asked simply. No one at the table was upset but in fact the rest of us chuckled.
"Let's say we're boyfriends in training," Fred said with his cheerful smile, winking at Don, who just smiled and nodded along.
On the way home, Eric asked me if he'd screwed up with his question at dinner.
"No, it's perfectly fine to ask, but you'll often find that guys who are just dating and not committed don't want to discuss it in front of others. It's almost the same thing as asking young straight couples about their intentions. They don't really know yet." He gave me that 'I'm sorry' look.
"No, no, it was fine. Neither of them minded." Then he grinned.
"I like your friends, Andy," he said quietly. "I hope they liked me too."
"I'm guessing they probably did," I answered. "You're being introduced to the gay community. Isn't that cool?" He actually laughed and then leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.
"Thanks, tutor," he said, "You're the best."
We talked about other things until we were almost to his house.
"I've got to admit I'm worried about something," he said finally. "My Dad is coming home from the lake for a few days this week and I'm a bit scared."
"Scared?" I asked anxiously. "You mean you're afraid of something he might do to you?" He laughed.
"Oh no, no, no, my Dad would never hurt me. He loves me; I know that. I didn't mean to imply that.
"It's just that he's so whipped by my Mom," he said. "She's a real Baptist holy roller type. I'm afraid about what she's said to him about me. She keeps in touch with my counselor you know."
"Calm down, Eric," I said. I gave him my cell phone number.
"If you're concerned at any moment, call me. Promise?" He smiled again.
"Yes, and thanks, man," he said. "You're the best."
I stopped a couple of blocks from his house and doused the lights.
"Quick kiss, man," I said and he was in my arms in a nanosecond.
"Thanks again," he said, giving me a second kiss. I drove into his driveway and he climbed out of the car. I put my hand up in a wave and he smiled at me again. God, I knew I didn't love that lad, but I sure wanted to help him get better and be happy sooner rather than later.
To be continued.