This is a story about some young gay men and their families, and what they experience learning about gay life. Belatedly, I have to say many thanks to my friend Tim Mead for reading (and helping me with) this story. Comments welcome to Cgard43@hotmail.com
THE OTHER BOYS OF SUMMER
-2-
The next day I called my best pal Rafe...hell, we'd come out together several years earlier and had dated for a couple of years. He's a computer whiz and was always smarter than me about lots of things. I asked if we could meet for lunch, but he was busy working like me, so we agreed to meet for dinner at an "all-you-can-eat" pizza buffet place.
Rafe was already there when I arrived and he waved me over. The waitress brought us glasses and plates. I agreed to get the drinks and he set off for his first plate of food. I stopped to pick up flatware on the way back to the table and then got a salad to start my meal.
Rafe looked fabulous as he always does to me. He's about my size, but his face just glows with the most intense, happy look that it wipes me out every time I look at him. Everyone loves Rafe (including me) and Rafe seems to love everyone.
"Why is it that I'm thinking you want information rather than just to ravage my sexy body and my beautiful face?" Rafe asked. I chuckled, as usual, at his bright humor.
"Eat dinner, pal, it's on me," I said. "We'll talk after."
So we had a fun dinner, chatting as fast as we could while we stuffed ourselves with great pizza and salad, washed down with huge glasses of iced tea (me) and cola (him.)
"So, what's the deal?" he asked again, and this time I could feel my face flush as I got a serious look on it.
"Okay," I said, "I have to ask your opinion about something." I went on to relate Eric's situation: parents who first put him in a "correction" place to cure him of homosexuality and then restricted him to former inmates so as to insure that there would be no 'relationship' business. Rafe watched me carefully as we spoke and I could see him nod along as I told the story. It was a full minute or so before he spoke.
"Andy, my man," he said with a big grin, "You are truly the only person I know who would get into the position of trying to help this dude. Most guys would just walk or run away as quickly as they could." I laughed.
"Rafe, I see this guy every day. He's my foreman, for God's sake," I answered. Rafe was still chuckling.
"Besides," I said quietly, "I just can't imagine not trying to help a guy who has been through all that." Now Rafe didn't chuckle. He looked at me sweetly and smiled.
"Okay, my boy, let's talk about this, but let's not talk about it here. Come on over to my place and we'll map out a plan. Rafe's parents were divorced and his Mom had recently moved to another town, so Rafe was renting a small apartment for the summer while he worked and until we went back to school.
Once settled at his apartment with a beer, Rafe, in his usual manner, pulled a pad of paper from his desk and sat down across from me, pen in hand.
"Look, we had it easy," he said, "We met each other, we rather quickly figured out that we were on the same page, and we just let our own experiences flesh things out, right?" I nodded. It really hadn't been a complicated process for the two of us.
"This dude has been in some crazy ass sort of place where they're trying to change his basics. I mean his basic instincts and feelings. That probably means that they also, in the process, wiped out some of his basics. So, what do we need to teach him?" I grinned; Rafe is the best. In typical fashion, he picked up the pad of paper and pen and grinned at me.
"Well?"
"What do you mean?" I asked. He grinned again.
"Well, if you hadn't had a healthy family background and had been in a 'brain-wash' program, what do you think you'd need to learn to be a happy and healthy gay guy?
"Well," I answered, "I guess you'd need to learn about the health issues..."
"Yep," Rafe said as he made a note on the pad.
"And then you'd need to learn how to recognize another gay guy..."
"Oh yeah," Rafe said with a chuckle. "That's a big one...your guy got lucky meeting you, but it doesn't happen that often and you know it." He made another note on the pad.
"Right," I said. "That means needing to know how to go to the right places and behave in the right way." Rafe nodded and made another note.
"And," Rafe said, "He also needs to know how to escape when he fucks up or chooses badly." I laughed. I wasn't sure what he meant by that but I knew it wasn't the time to ask.
"And then, once you've met someone, you need to learn how to date a guy as a gay man." Rafe's smile was huge and so cute.
"I guess that's what I didn't do well enough, huh, Rafe?" He ignored me, so I didn't go on with that tangent.
"That's the one thing that really surprised me," I said, and explained that Eric was totally unprepared for a gay guy to be affectionate or caring.
"I'm not surprised, considering who he's been seeing. All those guys have had their heads messed up.
"Now, it seems to me that step two or three, depending on how we count, is that your guy needs to meet others...not as dates but as friends. For example, a couple of nice singles, as well as a couple that can show him guys partnering up and being soul mates to each other. What do you think?"
"I think you're absolutely right, Rafe," I said. "You know, before I met Jim and Ted, I never thought too much about guys pairing off like that. Now I know that's what I want too. I wonder if they'd be willing to help?" Rafe smiled and nodded again.
"And once he's seen that guys can be happy, whether single or partnered and making a life together, maybe he'll be willing to go back to his parents and try to renegotiate." Now, Rafe laughed.
"Buddy, you do not negotiate with parents who put you in a home to cure you of being gay. At some point, your dude is going to have to become strong. And, he's going to have to be so convinced that he's perfectly right in this lifestyle that he's willing to stand up to his parents." I looked at Rafe and was amazed at his depth. Then I chuckled.
"I suppose you'd give me that talk too, wouldn't you?" I asked. "I mean, shouldn't I be telling my parents about me? I know you've told your folks."
"Andy, I know you and I know your parents; you don't need to hurry up about that. They love you, respect you, and when the time comes they're just going to ask when you're bringing the boyfriend home for dinner." Now it was my turn to laugh.
"But let's get back to your friend," Rafe said. "My first advice would be for you to try to get him to take you on as his 'tutor.'"
"I think he already has," I answered, "He asked me to help."
"Good man," Rafe said, "We're ready to get it going. You're probably going to hate this part but I'd suggest that you tell him the two of you can't have sex while you're tutoring him. Is that going to be a problem?"
"I don't think so," I answered quietly. "He so wants to feel real that I think he'd even agree to that." I chuckled. "I, on the other hand, need someone to take his place." Rafe didn't chuckle; he just got very quiet. I knew he wasn't going to respond so I went on.
"Okay, Rafe, tell me what to do," I said finally. "And will you help me? I mean a date with you could...."
"Oh no you don't, baby," he said with a huge grin. "I'm not dating your puppy. I suspect he'd fall in love with me and I'm not ready for that."
"Okay," I said, "So our plan is to teach him and get him ready for the big moment with his folks, right?" Rafe stood up, took the six steps to where I was sitting and kissed me...with tongue!!! What a delightful surprise that was!
I didn't see Eric until the next afternoon when we returned our truck to the shop. I was just about to climb into my car when he drove into the parking area and waved to me. I waited as he climbed down from his truck.
"Hey, buddy," he called, "How you doing today?"
"Doing fine," I answered, "How about you?" By this time he'd walked close enough that we could talk in a normal, albeit quiet, tone.
"Thanks again for the other night," he said, his eyes shining brightly. "It was wonderful,"
"For me too," I answered, "But before we do that again I think we need to spend some more time talking. How about dinner tonight?"
"Can't do it tonight," Eric said, "Have to meet someone later. It's not for fun, either." He did agree to go to dinner the next evening so we made plans to meet at a local seafood place.
Eric dropped by our jobsite the next day to bring our paychecks (very welcome!) and we confirmed our plans for that evening. He seemed somewhat upset but we didn't speak about it with Willie and Pedro standing nearby.
When we met at the restaurant, he still had that same worried look on his face. I asked about it as we were waiting for the server to bring our drinks.
"Last night I had to meet with my counselor again," he said. "I see him once a month or so and he always depresses me. He keeps telling me that being gay is a terrible thing and that I'm going to be miserable all my life and all that kind of shit. It always makes me feel very unhappy.
"And then I made the mistake of telling him I'd met someone through my summer job. He got angry and was adamant that we not see each other again. I told him that was impossible because you're on my crew, so he said that definitely I should not have sex with you again." I just shook my head.
"Eric," I said, "The other night you asked me to help you understand more about being gay and being happy. Do you still want that?"
"Oh God, yes," he said and finally smiled, "That's what I need and I know it."
"Okay," I went on, "I'm willing to try to help you, but in the meantime I think maybe we should cool it with the sex. Otherwise we'll get involved in a way where we, or at least I, can't help you." The smile had disappeared.
"Oh," Eric said, "I thought you were my friend."
"I am, and I do want to help you. If things work out well, maybe we can pick up where we left off at a later date." A slight smile returned.
"Okay," he said, "At least that lets me hold out some hope of being with you again."
During dinner, I explained that I wanted to start by talking about the way I viewed being gay.
"To my mind," as I told him, "Despite what anyone else says, being gay is normal for some people. It's just the way we are."
Then I told him that I feel very strongly that I was born this way and that in fact, I believe it was destined that I should be gay. I know this concept is difficult for some people, and so we spent quite a while talking about it.
"Do you mean that God made you gay?" he asked after several minutes. I could see this odd expression on his face; I couldn't tell if he was being amused or not. "That's not what the Bible says."
"Well, yes I do mean that, in a way," I answered, "But then I was raised in a church that teaches God is love and not hate. I know there are people who see parts of the Bible that they claim deny homosexuality, from Leviticus to Romans, but I've also read some things that argue against that."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Simple," I said and went on to explain some of the counter theories about those passages. I promised to bring him a couple of pamphlets I'd picked up at the GSA at college and from the local MCC church that talked about these passages in the bible from a different perspective. He was unaware of both GSA and MCC, as he'd gone to a Baptist high school and he'd never been to the university GSA either.
We then got to talking about some of the health issues in the gay community -- not just AIDS but also STD's and other things. We talked about the necessity of using condoms; fortunately he seemed to be on top of this part of the subject so we didn't spend too much time on it.
"But Eric," I said, "Fundamentally, I don't think that you're comfortable yet with the notion that gay guys can have lives just as fulfilling and happy as straight guys. True, we can't have babies on our own, but we can still have fun and fruitful lives and we can share them with others too." He looked somewhat puzzled but he didn't speak.
Then I broached the idea of introducing him to some friends of mine: gay friends, single and partnered.
"What do you mean by partnered?" he asked.
I explained about guys making a commitment to each other and living together and so forth. He was clearly as fascinated by the whole concept as I'd hoped he would be.
"But before that, let's go and meet a friend of mine who's gay and single. He works quite near here."
My friend Fred works as a bartender at our local gay bar. He's just one of those sweet guys who is a pleasure to be around. There had never been anything other than friendship between us, and I really like talking to him.
Eric and I were just old enough to get into the place, so we both drove to the bar and we walked in together.
"I've never been in a place like this," he said. He looked around somewhat suspiciously.
"Don't worry," I answered. "It's early, and we won't be bothered."
And that was true. Fred was behind the bar and there were four or five people there, having drinks or beers. Several were talking. We sat down at the bar.
"Fred, this is my friend Eric," I said quietly. Fred extended his hand and they shook.
"You always do seem to have the most attractive friends, man," Fred said to me with a chuckle. I think maybe I grinned at him.
We both ordered a beer and then Fred stayed with us and chatted.
"I'm the only bartender in this place who likes this early shift. All the others only want to work after 10 o'clock for the better tips. What can I say? I'm just not a night owl." I laughed.
"No, no, I mean it. I'm the one who's always up by seven o'clock. Go figure?" We all laughed, just because Fred's deadpan delivery made it sound funny.
"That's why I always have good dates though," Fred said, "I stay awake because I get enough sleep!" I laughed, but I don't think Eric understood it. After a few minutes Fred moved away to serve another customer.
"I know it's a bit of an unusual world, Eric, but he's just being frank. People are people, right?" He looked at me with a very puzzled expression on his face.
"I didn't understand what he meant," Eric said. I explained that many in gay life do late dating and are thus often sleepy -- sometimes even before what should be the best part of the evening. At that, he laughed.
"That seems kind of silly," Eric said. I nodded in agreement as I saw Fred's replacement walk in just about then and wave to me.
"Okay, you sexy guys," Fred said a few minutes later, "I'm outta here for a date with Mr. Wonderful or at least Mr. Wonderful Tonight. You two have fun!" We all chuckled. Eric still looked puzzled.
"Ah, that's what I meant before, Eric," I explained. "Gay men have infatuations and date just the same as straight men. We just fall for another guy rather than for a woman. And it doesn't matter whether you date someone for one night, two weeks or six months. Or, you can marry them forever. It's still the same as straights." He shrugged like he was willing to accept the idea but the ramifications of it weren't clear.
We discussed all this while we finished our drinks. As we stood to go, he put his hand on my shoulder and stepped closer to me.
"I know I can't kiss you in here, but I'd really like to. I want you to know how glad I am you're taking all this time with me." I laughed.
"You can kiss me here, Eric; no one's going to care," I said quietly. "Kissing me here is fine." And he did and it was very nice. I smiled and touched my hand to his on my shoulder.
"I'll make some plans for you to meet the guys I talked about, and I'll give you a call, okay?" He grinned at me again.
As we walked out to our cars, I asked Eric if he went on the Internet. When he said he did, I told him I'd put together a list of websites he might want to visit to find out more about being gay. They wouldn't be the story sites but the more informational ones.
To be continued.