Cooper is also the author of the `Diplomacy and Lust' series in the adult friends section. Both series are based on real sets of people. He writes these stories in his free time (hence the infrequency). He welcomes all comments both positive and negative at lmd4208@gmail.com and reminds readers to donate to niftyarchives.org so these and the thousands of other stories can continue to be posted
The Officers Part 7
The morning came far too fast for Sam and Matt. The two spent the night wrapped up in each other; talking, kissing and doing anything and everything that felt good. By the time the sun peaked and poked through the dark room's curtains, Sam's head was resting on Matt's chiseled, hairy chest. The room was silent aside from the sound of the two exhausted men's heavy breathing.
Matt broke the silence, "I hate to say it but we should start getting ready to head back."
"Uggghhhh, can we just stay here? What's the rush?" Sam replied sleepily.
"Well there's that whole Uniform Code of Military Justice thing. I mean we're already violating half a dozen of its rules but let's not add absent with out leave (AWOL) to the list too." Matt said with a nervous laugh.
Begrudgingly, the two were all packed and ready to go within the hour. The car's engine started with a roar.
Sam looked back at the cabin and the woods surrounding it. The weekend had been incredible; something he never imaged would or could happen. He felt things he couldn't articulate. What had happened between the two of them made his mind race and his heart pound.
The vehicle raced down the dirt trail heading towards the main road. A heavy silence fell over the car. Matt glanced over at Sam and smiled. His mind was still trying to process everything that had happened that weekend. He had felt things he didn't think were even possible; things he thought he'd never want for himself; it was all so exciting and simultaneously terrifying.
"You know, we've talked a lot Ð hours and hours - but you've never explained why you joined the military." Matt stated trying to get their minds off heading back to regular life.
"I haven't? Really? You'd think that would have come up sooner for us!" Sam replied.
"Yep. Never mentioned it." Matt said with a grin.
"Well, I doubt my story is unique. I was in 6th grade when 9/11 happened. I watched it from the tv in my morning math class. I had no idea what it all meant but I obviously knew that it was going to be an event that changed the country. I then grew up with the Afghanistan war and Iraq wars constantly on the news; in the background; talked about in the classroom, on the ball field and at the dinner table. Keep in mind I come from a very small town that's very patriotic. It's a republican town; a fox news town through and through, pro-military town. Many of the men have served in previous wars." Sam started.
"As I got older I realized that my small little town wasn't for me. I needed to get out and see something else. I know it's clichŽ but I wanted to make a difference in the world; preferably somewhere else. At that point, I was still very na•ve buying into the idea that America was the world's super power and it could do no wrong; the fox news narrative that was constantly reinforced by friends and family. I truly believed that Al-Qaeda was an existential threat to the United States and its way of life. I never questioned why America's way of life was under attack in the first place," Sam continued.
"My dad had been enlisted in the Air Force. He always spoke highly of his experiences and the things the military taught him. He encouraged me to look into ROTC. He really wanted me to get a college education (he used the GI bill to get himself a college degree)."
" I looked into Air Force ROTC but they were only giving scholarships to very science oriented students. I wanted to study liberal arts so there was no way I was getting a scholarship. That's when the Army called me. A recruiter wanted me to enlist. I loved the idea. I was fascinated by military intelligence and fancied that I'd go on and do some cool CIA-styled stuff. "
" I really wanted to sign the contract right then and there and forget about college but my parents wouldn't hear it. They begged me to ask about ROTC and go to college so I asked the recruiter about ROTC. He linked me with a ROTC recruiter that said the Army pays full ride for any major. The recruiter encouraged me to enlist in the reserves, go to basic training and then compete for a ROTC scholarship, which would transfer me out of reserve status and into cadet status if that's what I wanted."
"At this point I still wanted to make a difference, get out of my home town and protect our country from `the evils of extremism' so I figured the military was a good way to accomplish all of that and get a good education too. I enlisted, did basic at Ft. Benning Georgia on Sand Hill, competed for a scholarship and then went full time ROTC until getting my commission and college degree as an officer." I joined to serve my country and to better myself in the process as completely clichŽ as that statement sounds." Sam finished.
Matt had been listening attentively as he drove; nodding his head every so often and glancing over at Sam while watching the road.
"Wow, that's an interesting route you took." Matt said. "So are you happy with the decision to join the military now looking back on it?"
"The military has been good to me. I'm happy that I chose and was selected for the medical service corps career track. I had thought long and hard about going military intelligence and then I thought that combat arms might be my thing. That's what all the bad asses' were doing. I struggled with wanting to be that rough' and tough' infantrymen. I even looked at trying to pursue Special Forces or getting into a Ranger Battalion. I had in my head that being a man meant being tough; shooting weapons, kicking in doors. It didn't take me long to see that I wouldn't fit in well with that lifestyle or mentality. It was hard figuring that out for myself because I had to realize that I'm not less of a guy' because I don't fit into that lifestyle."
"Luckily, the stars aligned for me on a different track and I discovered the Medical Service Corps. After wanting military intelligence and combat arms for so long and having such peer pressure to do a `bad ass' career track, I figured out that I need to think long-term. I wanted a career track with a lot of civilian transferability and a lot of opportunities I love being able to help people from the medical perspective even if it isn't direct medical care."
"I've learned a lot about myself but one of the primary things I've learned is that a full 20-year military career isn't for me. I'm not as na•ve as I was when I enlisted and then right after I commissioned as an officer. If I'm going to make the kind of difference I still want to make in the world, it won't be in the military. There's too much bureaucracy, too much rigid hierarchy that values rank and titles over actually competence and skill. There's just a lot of day to day bull shit like power point and online trainings that just waste time. I've even started to question whether that the military is really the best investment the country is making. Is the military creating more problems out of the same problems it's trying to fix? Are all those drones and bombs really destroying our enemies or just creating more enemies to fuel a perpetual cycle of violence and unending conflicts all over the world? "
"Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there isn't a need or a place for a strong military in the world with good soldiers serving in it but I think our country may put too much emphasis on the military instead of other important aspects like education and research. We can build a billion dollar attack jet like the F-22 or F-35 but we can't buy new schoolbooks for PS 125 in Harlem? It doesn't make sense to me. I just need to pursue a different path and I plan on doing so after my contract is up," Sam said looking nervously at Matt.
Matt sat silently for a minute; thinking.
"That's quite a perspective; a perspective that probably wouldn't be popular amongst many of our fellow men and women in uniform. Once upon a time, I may have reacted angrily to what you said but as I've spent more time around the military I can see where you're coming from; especially with using the military as our main tool for dealing with other countries. Are we really solving these problems in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Yemen, Somalia, Mali, Syria and other conflict areas with military force or are we fueling them further? It's a really poignant question and a very difficult line of thinking that often is labeled as un-patriotic in our country." Matt stated warmly.
Sam's spirits lightened. Sam had to keep a lot of his opinions to himself around his military buddies; his line of thinking wasn't always popular in the military and he'd received a few angry responses for speaking his mind before. He was really glad that Matt was open-minded. It seemed like he had questioned and contemplated a lot of the same things that Sam did. A questioning mind was hot and it only made Matt sexier; smart and incredibly handsome was an intoxicating cocktail.
Sam and Matt drove on for a few more minutes in silence; the mood noticeably lighter. Scenery whipped by them; beautiful tea fields stretched for miles. The green tea leaves made the scene look like a rolling green waves. The sun shone bright casting all kinds of crazy shadows on the roads from the towering trees lining the road.
Suddenly, Matt slowed the vehicle and pulled off to the side of the road.
"What are you doing? Is something wrong?" Sam said with a tone of slight panic.
Matt shut off the car and shifted his body to face Sam.
"Nothing is wrong. I just need a minute to focus on you. You're so damn handsome and intelligent; it's driving me bonkers. This weekend was fucking incredible. I've never felt anything like it. I don't know how to process what I'm feeling right now; it's confusing." Matt started in a hurried, slightly embarrassed tone.
"I guess I'm worried that this is all just a physical thing; that we're just caught up in the lust, the newness, the danger of being together with all of the taboo and stigma that would be thrown on us if we were ever discovered. We're married, we're in the military and what we're doing would get us thrown out under UCMJ for more reason than I can count." Matt finished.
"It sounds like you're worried that it's ONLY a physical thing." Sam said cautiously. "Isn't that what you want it to be? The whole friend with benefits thing?"
"Fuck. I don't know. That's what I'm confused about. Friends with benefits made a lot of sense before. I didn't know what I wanted; the whole guy thing was completely new to me. Now, I don't think we're just friends who get each other off'. After that weekend, I don't think I just see you as a friend'. I guess what I'm trying to say - I can't believe I'm saying this Ð is that I don't WANT you to JUST be a friend." Matt said looking more uncomfortable than Sam had ever seen him.
"What are you saying? You want more than an FWB situation?" Sam inquired nervously. He wasn't quite sure whether Matt was trying to end their situation altogether again or take it somewhere else entirely.
"I'm saying that I like you as more than a friend. I have no idea what the hell that means for us in our situation but it's not just about the sex for me like I thought it was. I don't just want to fuck. You're smart and interesting. I enjoy getting to know you better. I think what I'm trying to say is I'd be really upset if this whole thing ended and not just because the sex would be ending. Does that make any sense? I don't know if I'm making any sense to myself or to you. Shit." Matt said with almost a nauseous look on his face. He was pale, sweating and a bit jittery.
"Wow, I'm not really sure what to say. I'm pretty sure I understand what you're saying; you have actual feelings for me. You're worried that I'm just in this for the sex; that it's just a fun fling because of all the external circumstances that make it `dangerous'. Throw in the incredible sex and you're thinking that this is something that could burn out quickly." Sam stated.
Matt nodded his head nervously; watching Sam's facial expressions for any clue on what direction he was taking this conversation.
"I'm glad you told me all that because I'm feeling the same way. These feelings are new to me. In my past, the guy action has always been purely physical. Sure, friendships developed or were already in place and I `cared' about the person but this feels very different." Sam said.
"So what do we do now? Where do we go from here? Aren't we really getting in dangerous territory by throwing in emotions and feelings into the mix? I can't believe I even feel this way. Five years ago if you would have asked me if I'd ever `like' another dude I'd tell you you're fucking crazy." Matt said clearly a bit distraught.
"Yeah this could get really complicated; especially considering we're both married and in a very precarious work situation that could both see us out of a job with a dishonorable discharge if we're not careful." Sam replied looking more nervous himself.
"What the hell are we going to do, man? I'm freaking out." Matt stated.
"I think you'll agree that ending it `cold-turkey' isn't going to work. Not only do we like each other and have incredible sex but we work together every day. Stopping altogether isn't going to make either of us happy or make this situation any better." Sam started.
"Yeah, I had already ruled that option out." Matt said. "But my wife will be moving here in a few months. That's a whole added layer of complexity. Can I love her and like you? Am I a complete shmuck for continuing all of this? Man, this is a mess!" Matt said almost yelling in distress.
"Let's worry about our relationships later. That's more complexity and danger than we have time for here on the side of this country road. The fact is that you like me and I like you beyond just the physical component. Let's just be careful as we ferret these feelings out and what they mean. Nothing has to change at work or at home but let's keep talking and keep being up front and we'll get it all sorted." Sam said calmly; trying to reassure Matt.
"You're right. We're not going to solve all of this on the side of the road. This is an onion that has many layers to peel. I feel so relieved. I had to tell you all of that and I wasn't sure how you'd react. I mean just because I like you doesn't mean you like me and that would have been awkward and shitty if you didn't feel the same way." Matt said with some of the color returning to his face.
"Let's get back to town and we'll figure it out from there. Promise you're not going to freak out on me again and get cold feet? Don't go withdrawing into your own head or avoiding me; that's not going to help us solve this. I promise I won't do the same either." Sam said.
"Deal!" Matt smiled.
Sam leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was more electric than any they'd had before. Matt massaged Sam's shoulder and Sam ran his hands up and down Matt's back as they remained lip locked.
Matt leaned out of the kiss, "It felt different this time." He said smiling in a way Sam had never seen him smile before.
"Yes it did. I can't explain it." Sam said smiling right back.
"This is a good thing we have going here! Speaking of going, buckle up and let me get us home."
The car rumbled to life again. Sam reached over and grabbed Matt's hand in between clutch shifts.
`What the hell are we getting ourselves into!?' Sam thought to himself; a pang of fear, guilt and anxiety shooting threw his body.
-------TO BE CONTINUED ----