The Officers Part 11
"You told your wife what!?" Matt whispered furiously, his eyes drilling into Sam like a jackhammer.
"I told her everything, well not about you, but everything else about my bisexual side." Sam stated pointedly, not breaking eye contact with Matt.
"You told her everything? Why on God's green earth would you do that?" Matt replied in a panic, sweat starting to bead on his forehead.
"Calm down, again, I didn't say anything about you. You didn't come up at all." Sam said reassuringly, in a calm tone.
"Yeah you didn't mention me but it's only a matter of time before she puts 2 and 2 together. We've spent a lot of time together. She's not stupid. I'm sure she'll figure us out." Matt said with anger and fear laced in every word.
"Dude, seriously. Calm down. You haven't even heard how the conversation went. Before you pack your bags and run into hiding in Siberia, you might want to hear the whole story."
Matt just stared at Sam in disbelief; his mind imagining all the things that could go wrong. After their closest scare with the Colonel, Matt couldn't fathom why Sam would risk everything willingly.
Sam went on to explain that the guilt had been tearing him apart. He hated lying. He hated sneaking. The fun he and Matt were having was incredible but it was also so contrary to the life Sam thought he'd be living as a married man. The close call with the Colonel was a shocking wake up for him; that he was living a straw-house life that could easily blow down.
"I knew I had to come clean man. I couldn't keep doing this. I fully went into the conversation expecting the result would be divorce but I'd rather be honest and divorced than married and a liar. I'd rather she hear about this side of my life from me instead of some CID agent or jilted lover." Sam stated.
He continued on to say it was the most difficult and scary conversation he ever had. Sam was expecting fury, tears and possibly even violence when he told his wife that he had been having sex with men and was bisexual.
"So what the hell happened? How did she react? I can't even imagine having that conversation Ð so awkward, so difficult." Matt stammered as he started to feel some empathy for what Sam had put himself through.
"She was furious of course. She was hurt, betrayed but honestly she wasn't surprised. I guess I only confirmed what she had suspected for a long time. You're right, she's not stupid and she did pick up on the fact that something was off. She had her guesses but never wanted to dig too deeply for fear of getting the answer she didn't want. She thought that I was having an affair with another woman at first but quickly realized that it may actually be verrrrrry different; that it may actually be guys." Sam stated in an almost embarrassed tone.
"How did she know?" Matt inquired.
"Ehhhh, I haven't always been the most careful in the past. Part of me thinks I wanted to be caught all along so I wouldn't have to keep on lying. She had seen texts over my shoulder. I guess she even saw me on scruff out of the corner of her eye once and looked the app up to see what it was." Sam replied, blushing.
"Wow, but she never said anything before?" Matt asked.
"She had asked if anything was going on but never asked directly. Of course I always denied that anything was amiss." Sam said.
"So what did she end up saying?" Matt questioned.
"Well at first she cried and yelled a lot. After she calmed down, we actually ended up talking for a really long time. We talked through a lot of what I was feeling with my bisexual side. We talked about divorce and going our separate ways but then she asked if she thought we could make it work." Sam said.
"Make it work?" Matt asked
"Yeah, if we could still have a relationship Ð an open relationship Ð where I could have some safe fun on the side with men. She asked me flat out if I was gay and wanted to leave to find a boyfriend or husband. She asked whether I did indeed love her and sex with guys was something that could be part of my life but not consume all of it."
"How the hell did you respond to that?" Matt questioned.
"I said a lot of the same things I've said to you over the last year; that sexuality isn't black and white to me. I said that I've had feelings for men (meaning you!) and enjoyed the sex but also loved her and enjoyed the sex we had too. It was a really long and complex conversation." Sam said.
"And!?" Matt inquired.
"We're going to keep talking, to keep the lines of communication open but she's not pushing for a divorce. She wants some ground rules and some expectations but so far there's no divorce lawyers being called." Sam replied with a bit of a smile on his face.
"Well that sounds like a crazy situation. I can't believe you'd tell her. I don't think I could ever tell me wife that. That definitely took courage or maybe stupidity but either way that was an extreme thing to do. Where the hell does that leave us now?" Matt murmured.
"I don't think anything has to change. I'll never tell her any of your details. She doesn't want names, details or anything like that. She's not going to be one of those wives that gets off on the sexual aspect of it. If anything, it'll just hurt her more." Sam concluded.
"And if she finds out? What then?" Matt uttered.
"She's not going to run and tell your wife. She's not that kind of lady. She's not going to tell anyone in the Army because then I'd get in trouble too. At worst, it'd be awkward if you ran into her,' Sam speculated.
Matt stared pensively at Sam. He felt all kinds of emotions. He felt a little bit betrayed that Sam would take such a risky move without even consulting him. He felt scared that something bad might actually come from this revelation. He felt guilty that he was still lying to his own wife and risking his future with her, his kids and even his career. Part of Matt even felt terrified that he would lose Sam; that some how this revelation would be a wedge between the good thing they had going; that their connection would have to stop.
`Why the fuck am I so worried about losing him? Did I actually think that we'd end up together? Did I want that or better yet do I want that? Months ago I wasn't even really into guys and here I am contemplating having a future with one? That doesn't make any sense. This is all so confusing. My wife finally arrives next week. How the hell is this entire going to work with her added into the mix? Maybe it's time to end this for good. Has this connection run its course?' Matt thought to himself, a deep pit forming in his stomach.
"This is a lot to process man. I don't know what to think or feel. I'm kind of overwhelmed with it all." Matt proclaimed as he stood up abruptly.
"Where are you going?" Sam interjected, worriedly.
"I gotta get out of here. I need to clear my head and process of all this." Matt proclaimed as he walked off quickly without saying good bye.
Sam didn't stop him. He was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed too. He needed to process Matt's reaction and think how all of this was going to work.
Sam was lost in thought when a text message jolted him back into consciousness. Sam looked down at his phone and panic surged through him.
- My name is Colonel Gorham. I'm a colleague of Colonel Fenzel's. I will be in your area of operations this week and we need to talk. Ð The text message read.
`Oh sweet baby Jesus what does this guy want? Just what I need on top of all of the rest of this; another problem.'
Sam stood up and jogged off in the direction that Matt had taken. He needed to tell him about this latest situation.
---- To be Continued ---