Warning: This story doesn't contain any sex. It's the story of gay teens. None of the characters are based on real people nor are they meant to resemble any living or dead people.
Let me know what you think of the story by emailing me at Hnstskr4@aol.com
I want to thank everyone who has emailed. I also want to thank those who have read the story. It means a lot hearing from you. Please continue reading! There is a lot more to come. I own all rights to this story. Chuck B.
I've got such a great response to the story and would love to hear from everyone who reads it.
P.S. I don't want to hear from anyone about Alex's little spin on gays in Utah. It's just a story. There are wonderful men and women in Utah.
Copyright 2009
Chapter 8
The Mirror and Nothing More; 1 plus 3 = 4
Section 29
Alex P.O.V.
Now that we've more or less cut Pete off from our inner circle, our lunch table group has got smaller. With only three weeks of school for Doug and I, there is some stress in the air. Amidst this tension, Jeff seems pretty calm for someone who has lost a friend whom he considered to be his boyfriend. My hope is that Jeff will find someone he can really love or at least have as a really good friend.
Jeff's famous gaydar picks up a blip. Jeff points out the guy that his radar has identified as gay. He seems to be around 5'6", has dark brown hair, and hazel eyes. He's a little on the lean side but he also has some muscles. I don't see any sign of fat. He's also hopelessly lost in a sea of lunch tables and students.
"Can I invite him over?" Jeff asked, as his eyes practically begged us to say "Yes!"
"Sure, bring him over here!" Doug said.
Jeff stood up and shouted at the kid, "Hey new kid! You with the red shirt! Get over here and sit down!"
He walked over to the table and sat himself down. If you ask me, he seemed a bit cocky.
"Thanks for letting me sit here! Finding an empty place was murder."
It's true. The lunch room gets pretty packed really quickly.
"My name's Jeff, what's your name?" Jeff asked, as he reached out his hand to the new kid.
"My name is Grant. I just moved here from Utah."
I leaned in to whisper to Jeff, "I think you're gaydar is on the fritz."
Jeff whispered back to me, "No way, I'm never wrong!"
This time, Jeff had to be wrong. There is no way a gay person could ever live in Utah. They don't allow gay people to live there. Still, if Jeff believes that Grant is gay, who I am to doubt in his gaydar?
I can't help myself. This kid can't be gay.
"So what's up with the choker?"
Jeff pointed to the choker that Grant was wearing. I didn't see it, but somehow Jeff's eyes picked it right up. The necklace was hidden underneath his t-shirt and his red polo shirt. The choker seemed to contain the colors of the pride flag. All of sudden it seemed as though Jeff had offended Grant. Grant stood up and was going to walk away but Doug was not about to let that happen.
"Wait, Grant, sit down and eat. No one at this table is going to hold that choker against you. By the way, I'm Doug and this handsome guy next to me is my boyfriend, Alex."
Grant again sat down. After taking a drink of milk, Grant responded.
"The choker was just something I managed to pick up in Utah. Thanks for being okay with me. It's not every day that something like this happens."
Jeff smiled at Grant and reached out to pat him on the back. Grant smiled warmly as he felt Jeff's arm on his back.
"We would be a bunch of hypocrites if we didn't accept you."
I wanted him to be at ease around us. Jeff would want us to accept him. I wonder about this kid, he seems to be holding in some pain.
There is just something there that I can't figure out.
"Tell us about yourself!" Jeff said, hoping to dig a little bit into Grant's past.
"Well, I'm 16 and originally I'm from Sandy, Utah. My mom is a stay at home mom and dad works for a major airline. I've got three brothers, two older and one younger, and I also have a sister who's older and married. I've tried to be normal like my older brothers but... I... I can't. I am who I am, but I can't leave the closet."
Now, I am even more puzzled. He knows that he's gay and yet he refuses to step out of the shadows?
"My family would disown me in a heartbeat if they knew about me. They disowned a cousin for being... gay. He was only 14. They sent him away to some therapy and when that didn't work, he moved in with some distant relative in Jackson Hole, Wyoming."
Everyone's eyes popped out of our heads. I wasn't sure what to say and I think Jeff and Doug were stunned too. I've heard of teens that have been disowned by their parents before. Knowing someone whose family had actually disowned someone is a different story.
"They wouldn't actually disown you, would they?" Jeff asked. I think he was trying to be positive.
"It's so bad that my family doesn't talk about him or to him."
How can a person do that to someone they love? It's not love at all. It's pure hate.
The Mirror and Nothing More; 1 + 3 = 4, Part 2
Section 30
Alex's P.O.V
You know, in a way, that is exactly how we've treated Pete. On the other hand, he asked for it. Grant on the other hand has seen firsthand that unconditional love doesn't always turn out to be so. Jeff seemed lost as he stared into the eyes our new friend. Grant reminds me very much of Jeff when Jeff and I became friends. Jeff had the same painful look about him. Still, I don't understand how anyone could stop loving someone simply because they're gay.
Apparently, I was too wrapped up in my thoughts because I caught Jeff smiling while Grant was talking. I wonder if this kid is Mormon.
"Alex, you okay?" Jeff nudged me back into reality.
I must have really been out of it because I didn't even notice Doug getting up to dump our trays.
"Yeah I'm fine! There is just a lot of stuff on my mind."
I also didn't notice that Grant had gotten up to dump his tray at the same time as Doug. Perfect time to get Jeff's thoughts on Grant.
I am very curious to hear Jeff's thoughts.
"So Jeff, does Grant have boyfriend potential?"
He smiled and I swear it's the biggest smile that I've ever seen on a human being before. Grant and Doug were almost on us when he finally broke out of his trance and answered.
"Oh... yeah he has boyfriend potential. Besides that did you see how cute he is in those jeans?"
I knew that Grant had heard him, but I wasn't going to say anything. Grant sat down in his seat and smiled.
"So, I have boyfriend potential huh?"
Jeff just blushed. Grant stood up and turned his back to us. He reached down and grabbed the top of his jeans.
Turning his head to Jeff, he said, "You really think I'm cute in these jeans?"
Jeff didn't say anything but I think his face turned purple. He looked embarrassed, but the kid was still smiling.
"Ummmm....yeah!"
What happened next kind of surprised everyone at the table. Jeff took Grant's hands and asked, "Will you be my boyfriend?"
I haven't seen something like this since me and Doug got together. Grant smiled and somehow he managed to get a little peck on Jeff's face.
"You better believe that I will."
I didn't need to know anything else about this kid. He's making Jeff happy and that is what matters.
It's great to see Jeff smiling again. I know I said that I don't need to know anything else about him, but I can't help but wonder what else Grant might be keeping in. I don't mean that in a bad way. I just don't want Jeff getting hurt again. What happened with Pete is more than any guy should ever have to go through. Jeff is strong enough to deal with the closet issue; that much I know. What bothers me more is, is Grant strong enough to handle it? If not Jeff will just get hurt all over again. But if I'm right, Grant is going to need us to be strong for him. I've never felt like this before and I hope that I'm wrong.
Jeff and Grant got up and left, leaving just me and my man. Doug stole a quick kiss. He then looked at me rather intently and said, "I know what you're thinking and they'll be just fine."
He wanted to reassure me and for me at least, it's working.
The Mirror and Nothing More; Grant's New Day
Section 31
Grant's P.O.V
I arrived in this state and my new home close to the end of the school year. It took some doing, but I'm in the same grade as I was back home. To be honest, I'm a little scared and feeling very alone. My dad packed us up and moved us to a new state. I would be starting fresh again for the third time since I turned 10. I know that I'll make friends eventually, but I could really use some now. At least in Utah, I had a few friends.
Tomorrow is Wednesday and it's my first day back to school since moving. To say that I'm nervous is a complete and utter understatement. I hate school. Someone will eventually figure out that I'm gay and then my life will be over. I'll go back to hurting myself and I'll spend all my energy on school work so that I don't have to spend time with anyone from school. I'll have to face the bullies and all their teasing by myself. It's so hard keeping everything away from my parents. No one in my family knows about me and I'm not ready to tell them.
I sat down with my mom while I registered for school. They actually shoved me into any class that had room for one more body. When I was all registered, they sent some kid with me to help me find my locker and then to help me get to my 2nd hour class. My schedule looks like this:
1st hour Comp / Lit - Ms. Cooper
2nd hour Algebra 1 - Mr. Hale
3rd hour P.E. with - Mr. Gold
4th Hour Spanish 1 - Mrs. Hernandez
Lunch
5th Hour Earth Science - Miss Baldwin
6th Hour World History - Mr. Smith
All of my classes have gone really well. In fact, I really like Mr. Hale. He's cute. I think I've found my new teacher crush. It's been great so far, no one has bothered me at all. Sadly, no one has even tried talking to me except for the kid who helped me with my locker. At least it's lunch. I've only got two more classes left. I made it through the line in the cafeteria and now I just need to find a seat. I was about ready to give up when some kid stood up and yelled an invite for me to join him and his friends at their table. I strutted my way over to the table putting just a pinch of attitude into my walk. Didn't want them to know how nervous I was feeling. After he introduced himself and I introduced me, the kid that invited me to sit down discovered my pride choker. The minute he found it my heart sank.
I got up to leave when one of his friends asked me to sit back down. I was sort of relieved and sort of scared at the same time. The kid who told me to sit down is named Doug and his boyfriend's name is Alex. They are both really cute guys but the hottest guy at the table is Jeff. By now they all know that I'm gay and I know that they're gay. It's great to know that I can be myself around them. I won't have to pretend that I'm someone I'm not. Alex's eyes are still drilling into me. I told them that I have to play straight around my family and the people who go to my church. I can only show this side of me when I'm away from home and away from church. My family comes from a long line of religious people. My ancestors joined the church in 1840 and we've been members ever since. It's a tradition in my family to marry and bring up our kids within the church.
The Mirror and Nothing More; Grant's New Day, Part 2
Section 32
Grant's P.O.V
My whole family, with the exception of one older cousin, disowned my 14 year old cousin, Todd. It feels as if it's a sin to even say his name around the house. He hasn't been to any family events for the past two years. My family will buy Christmas presents for his sisters, but they won't send anything up to him. I think my family is afraid that his gayness might be a contagious disease. As I talked, Jeff seemed tuned into my every word and I have no doubt that he was taking everything in. Doug also seemed to be listened to everything that I said, but I'm not quite sure about Alex. Come to think about it, I knew heard me but he seemed to be miles away. Doug and I got up to together to throw our trash away.
"Grant, don't take this the wrong way, but I think Jeff likes you." Doug laughed, as he dumped his tray.
"Why would I take it the wrong way? I think he's cute."
To be honest, it was no surprise. No one smiles at you that much and doesn't have feelings for you. Still, if either Doug or Alex were free to date, I wouldn't pass them up either. The rest of lunch went great. By the end of it, I had a boyfriend and two other very good friends. We all went our separate ways after lunch.
The rest of the day paled in comparison to lunch. But honestly, how do you top going from lonely, to having friends, and then having a boyfriend all in one hour of a day? I caught myself drawing hearts in my notebook during Miss Baldwin's class. Nothing bothered me for the rest of the day. I didn't start feeling tense again till after sixth hour. The tense feeling melted away when Jeff showed up to help me find my bus. He also slipped me a note.
I waited till I got home and was in my room to read his note:
"Hi Grant, you have no idea how bad things were over the last couple months. It feels so good to have you in my life. I want you to know that the three of us are with you no matter what.
Jeff (lots of love coming at you!)"
My boyfriend loves me even if I'm not out. I was told by one boy back home in Utah that no one would date me because I'm not out. Will they stay with me if my family finds out that I'm gay? I can't let that happen. They, my family, would just send me to Jackson Hole. For being nice people, my family sure doesn't have any problem being bigots. The only one who doesn't act that way is my older brother, Shane. Shane may be the only one that I can depend on after I come out.