Jesse Hamill
This is a love story between two consenting males and contains sexual themes and graphic depictions of sexual acts. It is by no means a sex story, and focuses on the relationship and romance first. This is also work of fiction. All characters in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
This is my first series for Nifty and any criticism, comments, improvements or thanks can be directed at jesse.hamill88@gmail.com. I appreciate all the comments and support that I've received so far, so thanks readers!
As always, a big thanks to my editor, Mattie. The readers and I thank you for your help on this project.
Remember to please donate to nifty.org to help keep these stories free. We depend on your support, and even a small donation will do!
The Love of Rainn: Chapter 15
The sky was a shade of blue that is rarely seen in spring, a azure blue more suited for summer. The sun overhead was warm and welcoming, and the breeze was cool and refreshing. The flowers were a spectrum of colors, red tulips, pink roses, purple irises, white daisies, yellow marigolds and dozens of others. Jesse and Rainn sat in a perfect spring day. Their surroundings were story-like in beauty, but it paled in comparison to the story-like beauty they felt within.
The kiss was still fresh in their dazed minds. The thrill of it was like a swift ride through a powerful whitewater rapid. Their hearts rapidly pounding, like powerful waves crashing ashore, sweeping them out into a sea of almost overwhelming emotions.
The feeling of dreaming never left them. Their connection, that wonderful experience of surreality, like they were in a world of their own. It was like a watercolor painting, an impressionist masterpiece.
As their dream surreality became reality again, they both sighed long and deep breaths. With his heart rate returned to an almost normal state and his mind clear enough to think again, Rainn looked up at Jesse, a question on his mind.
"Hey, Jesse?" Rainn asked him.
"Yeah?" Jesse asked back.
"Why did you tell me that story about Cupid?" he asked.
"Oh, you reminded me of it in the library, remember?" he said. " You said Cupid sent me. I thought I'd share it with you because... I feel the same way. That Cupid sent you... You're like an angel..."
"No way..." Rainn said smiling. "YOU'RE an angel. My guardian angel..."
"Thanks..." Jesse smiled. "I don't have any wings, though."
"That doesn't matter... you have mace..." They both laughed at that.
Rainn leaned over and laid against Jesse's chest and shoulder. The afternoon was stretching into early evening and dinner would be ready soon.
"The story also explains the mystery of the soul and butterfly..." Jesse said.
"Hmm? What do you mean?" Rainn asked.
"Remember when I said that Psyche' means soul' and `butterfly?' The story explains that the human soul, after enduring suffering and hardship, can transform. Like a humble caterpillar into a majestic butterfly, all it takes is love... Love is transformative..." Jesse explained.
And love really was. There was so much that love could change within a person. For Jesse, it was about learning to trust people again, to see the good side of what others are capable of. For Rainn, it was about acceptance and being less timid, less shy. It was about becoming better people for the both of them. Love was learning more about themselves and each other, than they had thought possible.
Jesse's biggest fear was being left all alone. He had been betrayed by someone he cared for in the past, and lost trust in others. He felt compassion only in people that really needed it, but underneath he was scared to be hurt again. He believed nothing people told him and was skeptical of their compliments. When he heard them, about how he looked or how smart he was, he smiled and thanked them, but never believed it himself. For a long time, Jesse put on a smile, faced each day alone, focusing on school to drown out his loneliness. What Jesse felt in his deepest sadness was that he was somehow flawed, somehow broken. Part of him was about to give in to those thoughts, and just accept being alone, but then... Jesse met Rainn, and everything changed.
Rainn was very much the same. He was too scared to meet people, too afraid to be rejected or hurt. All he wanted to do was artwork. It kept him sane, kept him from feeling lonely, and it put reality on hold while he worked on it. Like Jesse, he felt like a misfit and preferred to be alone. Now though... Rainn felt so happy, so grateful to see Jesse. None of those things had been on his mind, and nothing bothered him much recently.
While they were sitting together, Elise was keeping an eye on them through the windows. She smiled as they sat talking with one another, and she could see how happy they both were. Through the open window, Elise also could hear Jesse retelling the oldest love story she knew. She was about to look away when she saw Jesse and Rainn kiss. It was sweet and slow, innocent and quite romantic. She smiled and returned to the kitchen and started putting dinner together. Elise wasn't surprised at their display of affection. She had suspected as much when Rainn spent the night at Diana's. She just smiled and felt relief.
As she stood watching her son and his new boyfriend through the window, Elise felt all the years that had gone by. She was eighty years old now. She was in good shape, and looked younger than she was, but she was tired some days, too. One of her biggest fears was that she would leave Rainn all alone to fend for himself, with no one to care for him. But, her heart was at ease knowing that someone cared for him as much as she did. Maybe even more... Rainn was happy... He finally found love and accepted everything about himself.
When Rainn was little, she was a foster parent and sponsored as many kids as she could. They would come and go, but she loved them all, as much as she loved Rainn.
Elise roasted a chicken in the oven with root vegetables and made mac and cheese on the stove. Elise also loved to cook, and like Jesse, she preferred to try and make everything as homemade as possible. When she had stayed at Diana's house, she was impressed to see how independent and adept Jesse was in the kitchen.
She looked out again and decided to let them have a few more minutes before she called them in to eat.
Rainn was given to Elise sixteen years ago per the state child protective agency. At the time, she was sixty-four years old, and a single mother to her first adopted son, Robbie. Robbie had come to her when he lost his parents in a car accident. He was a bright and talented young man. Robbie was fourteen then, and Rainn could remember him when he started kindergarten. But, by that time, Robbie had graduated and gone on to college. Robbie occasionally would visit them, and he, like Rainn, called Elise by the only name she accepted: Gran.
Rainn was adopted by Elise after his birthmother had given him up to someone that could provide for him, a better life. A year after that, Elise had learned that she had died of an overdose. There was never anyone that came forward as the father.
Although they had tragic backgrounds, Elise never treated Rainn or Robbie with pity. She raised both of them to be independent, kind, courteous, and to be proud of who they are. She focused her attention to making sure her sons could use their natural talents to be successful in life. With Robbie, Elise noticed he loved helping people. She took him to charity events, soup kitchens, rallies, and homeless shelters. He was inspired to defend people's rights and to help them in any way he could, especially in legal matters. When he graduated, she scoured through every scholarship and financial aid she could, and sent him to law school.
Rainn, on the other hand, had an artistic talent ever since he could hold a crayon in his chubby little fist. Elise was a retired art and kindergarten teacher of forty years, and guided him through all types of art and media. He took to painting and drawing, ceramics, printmaking, marble and wood carving, etching, even weaving and sewing. Rainn loved everything that he could do, but drawing and painting were his biggest strengths.
Did Rainn know he was adopted? He did. He never asked Elise about his mom or dad because he didn't ever see the need to. He had his Gran and that was all that mattered. He loved her more than anyone else, and she cared for him as best she could. Call it fate, or whatever you want, but Rainn loved Elise and his life the way it was. He felt blessed that she let him express himself as an artist and encouraged him to use his talents. Nobody understood him the way she did, and Rainn was happy and grateful.
Elise, coming back to the present, finished dinner, carefully removing the chicken from the oven. She tasted the mac and cheese, before heading to the side door.
"Boys! Dinner is ready!" Elise called to them.
Jarred back to reality, and happy that the food was ready, Rainn and Jesse went inside to eat.
Jesse was impressed with Elise's home-cooking. The smell of roasted chicken was great, making his stomach growl. Jesse was already a fan of her hot chocolate and oatmeal cookies, and this was just as delicious. The chicken was cooked perfectly, still moist, and her mac and cheese was true comfort. Jesse ate seconds of both.
Rainn was talking happily to Elise, and Jesse smiled. Jesse talked with them, too, but loved to listen to Rainn as he shared his day. Rainn made Jesse happy, talking about the Jesse's cooking, and that his math class was better. When dinner was over, Rainn invited Jesse to the living room to watch a movie.
Rainn led Jesse over to the couch and opened the cabinet that held the TV and DVD player. The TV was large, but it wasn't a flatscreen. Rainn felt mildly shy about everything in the house, because it was dated or secondhand, but he quickly got over it. He knew that Jesse wouldn't mind. He was cool like that.
They decided on a movie Jesse had never seen before, "American Beauty." Rainn liked the movie, but it didn't have a happy ending...
"Are you sure?" Rainn asked. "It's kinda sad..."
"Only if you want to... does it have a good story?" Jesse asked.
"Yeah. I like it," Rainn said. "Yeah, why not?"
He put the movie on and sat next to Jesse. At first, he was sat a little ways away from him, knowing that Gran was watching from the dining room. He knew that that Gran would just smile, but still... Rainn felt too shy at first, but looking at Jesse... Rainn knew he wanted to be closer. When she got up to answer the phone, he took chance and scooted a little closer to Jesse. Rainn could hear her talking to someone, but she always took her phone conversations to her sewing room.
Rainn had closed the gap between him and Jesse. He was against Jesse's chest and shoulder with his head resting on Jesse's neck. They were holding hands, and it was comfortable. Rainn was getting very accustomed to this.
The movie was as good as Rainn remembered, and Jesse was intrigued. He liked the philosophical implications, the questions about life and God, and even the shock at the end.
"That was one of the best movies I think I've ever watched," Jesse said.
"Yeah, it was interesting right?" Rainn asked. "Poor guy at the end, though..."
"Yeah... no kidding..." Jesse said, a bit disheartened.
They sat there for a minute, enjoying each other's company. It was only a little past eight, so Rainn invited Jesse to his room. On the way, they ran into Gran.
"Jesse? Diana just called to make sure everything was fine," she said.
"Oh, did you tell her I was just miserable?" he asked her smiling.
"Yes, and that you lost a finger in all the deadly machinery we have laying around," she said smiling back.
Jesse laughed and Rainn smiled. He took Jesse by the hand again and led him to his room. The wide open studio room brought a smile to Jesse's face. The walls in their familiar paint covered patterns and Rainn's desk passed them by as Rainn led them across his room. They sat on Rainn's bed.
"Did you have any more trouble in math?" Jesse asked, trying to relax. His heart was beating fast knowing he was sitting where Rainn slept.
"No, but could you look over the quiz topics with me? I want to do good on the next one," Rainn said.
"Sure! More than happy to help!" Jesse said, emphatically.
Rainn and Jesse looked over the topics together, and reviewed everything on the list. Rainn was surprised how easy everything was and felt confident he'd do well. He no longer felt that he'd get moved down to remedial math. One less thing to worry about.
"Thanks for inviting me over," Jesse said after Rainn put away his homework.
"No problem. Thanks for helping me with math and telling me about Cupid and Psyche, it was such a cute story," Rainn replied.
"Anytime you ever need help, you can always ask," Jesse said. "Yeah, I've always loved that story. Eros and Psyche remind me of a certain OTHER couple..."
"Really? Who would that be?" Rainn asked, pretending to not know.
"Well... there's this nerd and he met this really sexy guy, way out of his league..." he said, blushing a little. "Nerd? Nah... I think that you got that wrong," Rain said, grinning wide. "There's this quiet genius and he met this artist..."
"...and they discovered..." Jesse began.
"That they... had a lot in common, and..." Rainn continued.
"They shared their first kiss today," Jesse finished.
Rainn leaned in to give Jesse another kiss. He looked so cute and so hot just then, Rainn couldn't resist. Rainn was only a few inches away from Jesse's lips when he remembered something.
"Wait a minute!" Rainn said. Jesse jumped a little at the close and sudden outburst.
Jesse jumped a little at the close and sudden outburst."Yeah?" he asked quietly and then thought, Do I have bad breath or something? Something in my teeth?
"This morning you said that I gave you your first kiss, right?" Rainn wondered.
"Right..." Jesse said, a little lost.
"But you said that you were in a relationship before!" Rainn protested. He remembered that from when he went to Jesse's apartment the first time.
"I was, but we weren't very close and it wasn't a good relationship," Jesse explained. "I shouldn't have even called it a relationship... sorry, my mistake..."
"...Oh. I thought you might have lied to me this morning," Rainn said, feeling a little embarrassed.
"No! I would never lie to you!" Jesse said, apologetic. "All that was a just a big mess. We really were just friends... and sometimes not even that..."
"Can I ask you something?" Rainn said.
"Yeah?" Jesse asked.
"Was it... with a..." Rainn began.
"A guy? Yeah..." Jesse finished.
"...Oh." Rainn felt a little disillusioned.
"He was my best friend... It was complicated. And, it didn't end well. I liked him, but... I know now that I didn't... love him," Jesse said. "...I'm not sure I'm ready to tell that story yet."
"Oh. That's okay. Sorry... I didn't mean to pry," Rainn said. "I just wanted to clarify this morning..."
"It's alright. I shouldn't have called that mess a relationship," Jesse said. "You're my real first."
Rainn felt his heart skip a beat. Did he hear him correctly? He was Jesse's true first love?
"Have you ever... been with anyone before?" Jesse asked.
"Does being married to your best friend in kindergarten count?" Rainn asked, smiling.
"I don't know... how close were you?" Jesse asked, beaming.
"Well, she was Angela... um... Something, and we got divorced after she pushed me down in the sandbox," Rainn said.
"Well, here I thought I was seeing a married man!" Jesse said, chuckling. "Good thing you got a divorce!"
"Ha! Right? But, to seriously answer your question, no. You are the only person who's ever liked me back..." Rainn said. "Actually, I was..." He trailed off.
"Hm?" Jesse wondered, his head slightly tilted. "What were you going to say?"
"This is going to sound stupid, but... I was more scared that you'd like me back, than if you had rejected me..." Rainn said, a little sad.
Jesse reached for Rainn's hand and held it, interlocking their fingers together. He had a half smile on his gorgeous face as he looked Rainn in the eyes and said, "It's okay Rainn...."
"Really? How?" Rainn asked.
"Because it's easier to be rejected. I know because I've been rejected dozens of times... Eventually you just get used to it. You wonder if that's just the way it is... for guys like us," Jesse said.
Rainn nodded. He had felt the same way, like he was destined to be alone forever.
"But, then you came along," Jesse said, his face a little pink. "And you... felt the same way I did. I was scared, too. I wasn't sure what to do, what to expect," he explained.
"I told that to Emily, too. She said I didn't have anything to be afraid of," Rainn said. "I'm glad she was right."
"Me, too," Jesse said. "Although... I'm going to have a talk with her about how she uses her phone..."
"No! You can't tell her that I told you! She'll kill me!" Rainn said.
Jesse laughed. "Alright... I guess I can't do that. I'd be sad if she killed you, you know."
They spent the rest of the evening talking. Rainn was glad that they were so honest with each other and that they expressed their fears. It made everything clear again and he knew that he could trust Jesse. It was the first big step in their new relationship.
Jesse's phone buzzed. "Oh, it's my mom. She said I need to get home soon..."
"Okay, do you need a ride? Gran can drop you off..." Rainn began.
"Nah, I'll walk. It's not that far," Jesse said. "See you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, definitely." Rainn was looking into his hazel eyes. He leaned in and kissed him gently.
"...Wow," Jesse said, breathless. "Seriously, you've never kissed anyone before me?"
"Nope. No one but you." Rainn smiled.
Rainn walked Jesse to the end of the driveway and hugged him close before he left. They exchanged one last kiss before Jesse walked home.
Author's Note:
So loyal readers, I have good news and bad news.
The good: I have appreciated all the kind words, encouragement and support that you have given me throughout the whole of these last 15 chapters. It has inspired me to get this story ready for publishing. My editor and I have talked about it and it sounds like the best plan for this story.
The bad: Unfortunately, this means that there will be no more new chapters of The Love of Rainn. But, I will be writing a new story to publish on Nifty to replace this one, dear readers, so no need to worry. I know I will probably get a slew of angry emails, but readers I made up my mind.
The new story will take me some time to write, but I will publish it here for you guys. I will update this chapter when it's ready and I will also let you know when the ebook of The Love of Rainn is out.
Thanks for everything, Loyal Readers, it's been fun. I will continue on this project and more. Stay awesome!
Jesse Hamill
Copyright Jesse Hamill and nifty.org 2015. All rights reserved.
American Beauty is the property of DreamWorks Pictures, Copyright 199