Disclaimer: This is totally fiction and is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of any Backstreet Boy or member of Nsync. I personally do not know any of the Backstreet Boys or any Nsyncers and therefore make no assumptions on their personalities. If you are too young to read this or if homosexuality offends you, then please do not continue any further.
Hey what's up y'all? Well, this is my first story ever. I'm not a very good writer, so you'll have to forgive me. I actually got inspiration for this story from a dream of mine, I hope you like it. Email me at a2jm2@hotmail.com ok? I better get some emails from you people!!!! You hear me? Hehe. Well, on with the story. Hope you enjoy!
The Love I Always Wanted - Ch. 5
There were two different looks on two different faces as I ran out of the restaurant. I had to get away as fast as possible. As far away as I could. But there wasn't very many places I could go. The restaurant wasn't very far from the beach, and soon enough, that's where I found myself. I laid my head down and gazed up at the stars, thinking, wondering, how this could happen to me. It seemed like an eternity thatI was lying there before I heard a voice interrupt my thoughts, a voice that was so soothing, so full of love, so eager to help.
"I'm sorry that I ruined our date, Justin."
"Josh...I'm sorry for what I did. I truly am. I came running after you because I needed to tell you. I will never forgive myself for the way I acted, for letting other people make decisions for me."
Silence.
"Josh, say something. Please talk to me." Tears started to flow down his cheeks.
"Brian, you really hurt me. I've gotten past that, but I don't know if I could forgive you."
Brian laid down beside me, putting his head awefully close to mine. He took my hand into his, moved it up to his lips and kissed it.
"How ever long it takes, I'll wait. Josh, even though we can't be together, I want you to at least be my friend."
"Brian, I love you. I always will. No matter who I'm with or what I do, I will always love you. I hope you can see that."
"Josh. Josh. Hello! Josh, are you there? Hello!"
"Brian, can't you hear me? Brian! I'm right here next to you."
"Josh, wake up! Wake up! We're at your house." Justin shook me until I awoke, and I realized it was all a dream. It had seemed so real. It had to be real - I remember distinctly seeing Brian at the restaurant. But when he saw me, he just looked away and walked out. Walked out of my life just like the first time.
After he had left, I wasn't the same. Sure, I had fun after that. Justin was a really great guy, but that didn't matter, because all I thought about was Brian. And now I was home. I got out of the car, and Justin walked me to the door.
"Josh, I had a lot of fun tonight. I hope we can do it again sometime."
"Yeah, that'd be fun. I'm sorry that I wasn't good company tonight. But I did have fun, and I'd really like to do it again."
"I'll call you?" Justin's face then inched closer to mine, and the whole world around me seemed to stop. As his beautiful red lips approached mine, his eyes closed, and so did mine. I also slowly approached his lips with mine, and we were but a few millimeters away, when I turned my head. He ended up kissing me on the cheek.
"Good night, Justin." I said and walked into the house, leaving him standing on the front porch, dazed on what had just occured. After a few seconds, he walked to his car, and drove off.
"How was the date?" Antonio asked me once I walked into the house.
"It was great, until I saw Brian."
"Fuck. What happened?"
"Nothing, he just walked away, and I just couldn't stop thinking about him the rest of the night. I'm going to bed, I'll see you tomorrow."
I walked to my room, undressed, and fell asleep.
"Josh, wake up. You'll never guess what happened. Wake up, god damn it!" Antonio gave me a slap across the face to wake me up.
"What the fuck was that for?" I said, groggily. It was 7:45 in the morning.
"Look at the TV." He said, as he walked over to my TV and turned it on. I was appalled at the sight I saw - a plane had crashed. I sat and took in the sight, while listening to the announcer. "...this plane crash, authorities say, is not in any way related to the September 11th tragedy. FAA officials now believe, from witness accounts, that there was an implosion from within the plane, causing it to crash into an empty field next to Lexington International Airport. Reportedly, there were several important figures on the plane, including Kentucky congressman Bob Jones, actor Taylor Wilhelm, and Leighanne Wallace, wife of famed Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell. There were 54 people on the plane."
"Oh my god, is wife died. That's horrible! What should I do? Should I do anything?" I asked Antonio.
"I don't know. Maybe you should send him a card or something." Antonio replied.
"I wonder when the funeral is. Do you think I should go?"
"Look, it says right there - Funeral for Leighanne Wallace to be held at St. Xavier Church in Orlando, Florida tomorrow at 6pm."
"I'm not going to go. And I don't want to send him a card or anything, it might make me seem like now that his wife is dead, I'm going to make my move or something. Maybe Justin is going to go, I'll tell him to send my regards or something."
"That sounds ok. Well, just go back to bed, I'll talk to you later."
He left my room. I laid there for a while just thinking, thinking about life, thinking about why my life was blessed, yet cursed, in so many ways. I soon fell into a dreamless sleep.
I couldn't believe I did it. Why did I come here? More importantly, how did I get in here? I was expecting security to be guarding the doors, but there wasn't. I was expecting a whole bunch of people, but there weren't. What the hell? I had come to the right place - St. Xavier Church, 6pm, but there was no one here.
Since I was here, and there was obviously no one present, I decided to pray. I walked to the very front altar and knelled down. As I was about to begin, someone interrupted me.
"Excuse me sir, but is there something I can help you with?"
I turned around and noticed that it was the priest of the church. "Umm, I came for the Wallace funeral, but I don't know what happened."
"Oh yes, the Wallace funeral. It ended quite some time ago, I believe an hour. The family decided to move up the time. I'm sorry that you missed it. But there's still a member of the family by her grave out back if you would like to go talk to them. I believe it's her brother, Ryan."
"Thanks. I'm just gonna go give him my regards, then I'll be on my way out. I don't want to inconvience you."
"Oh, take all the time you want. God's house is your house."
"Uh, thanks. I'll see you around."
I walked out the backdoor of the church, and headed for Leighanne's burial place. I felt really bad, like maybe if I hadn't gotten involved, she'd still be alive. It didn't feel appropriate for me to be there, I didn't think I'd feel comfortable around her brother.
In a few seconds, I was there. Her brother was sitting with is back towards me.
"Umm, Ryan. Hi. I'm Josh. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about your sister."
He still had is back towards me, but replied "Did you know her?"
"No, not personally. But I did know her husband. He was a great guy, and they were happy together. He was always telling me how great of a person she was."
Why was I lying?
"Yeah she was a great person." He said.
"Well, if you need anything, just give me a call. Here's my number." I said as I wrote down my phone number. "Oh, and if you could, give my regards to Brian. I'm sure he's going through a very rough time right now, and I don't want to inconvience him." I said, almost choking on my words.
He still hadn't turned around, but replied "I will. Thanks for coming."
"Your welcome. Is there anything I can get you?" I said, almost back to the church.
Ryan stayed still for a moment, then said in a low, depressing tone, "You."
I gave him a perplexed look as he turned around.
"Brian? What are you doing here. The priest told me that Leighanne's brother was out here, her brother Ryan."
"I know," he said as he started walking towards me, "I didn't want anyone to know I was here."
"Oh. Umm, are you ok? I feel bad, if there's anything I could do, just tell me."
"Josh, I know this probably brings back bad memories, but I can't help it. Will you hold me?"
By now, tears were streaming down Brian's face, and I couldn't help but start crying myself. I did what he asked me too - I walked up to him and held on to him as hard as I could, both of us crying.
After what seemed like an eternity, Brian spoke up. "Thank you. I really needed that."
"Anytime. Brian, I'm sorry for ruining your life. I should have never met you. Maybe your wife would still be alive."
"Josh, you didn't do anything wrong."
"Brian, think about it. Maybe you guys wouldn't have gotten into a fight, or she wouldn't have been wherever she was, or whatev..."
"Sssh," Brian said, placing his soft finger on my lips. "There was a wedding in her family, that had nothing to do with you. I couldn't go because we had a meeting with management." He said, small tears still trickling down his beautiful cheeks.
"Oh. Still," I said, "I feel bad, like it was my fault."
"Josh, I have to tell you something. And I was going to tell you this that day at McDonalds, but you wouldn't let me. And then the other night at the restaurant, I chickened out. But I gotta tell you. Josh, I love you. And I always have. I should have never listened to Kevin that day. And when Leighanne saw how much I loved you, she gave me her blessing. Please, I'm begging you with all of my heart, with everything I am, please forgive me."
I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. So, I did what my heart told me to - I slapped him hard across the face.
"That's for hurting me. And this is for loving me." I said as I pulled him forward and locked my lips to his. It was electric. Everything that had built up inside me was let out. All the longing, frustration, happiness, relief, everything, I put into the kiss. Brian's lips tasted like honey, and soon the kiss went further. He put his arms around my waste, and mine around his neck. His tongue darted into my mouth, exploring, wanting to go deeper.
After a few minutes, he pulled away. "I've been waiting for that for a long time. I've missed you."
"You know, Brian, up until now, I thought I was over you. But that kiss brought back so many memories. I love you."
Brian grabbed my hand and placed it in his. We started walking to his car, both of us realizing that in fact we did love each other. I felt like I was dishonoring Leighanne by being with Brian so early (the next day) after her death. Brian sensed I was thinking about Leighanne when I looked at her grave as we were walking away. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.
We soon arrived at his car, when a familiar Ford Expedition pulled up. And out popped Justin. "Hey Brian, I was just coming to check on you. Are you ok?" He said as he walked up to Brian and gave him a hug.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for coming."
"No problem," Justin said, turning to me. "Hey babe, what are you doing here?" He said as he grabbed me in his arms and gave me a kiss.
"Umm, Josh, did you forget to tell me something?"
Hey guys, it's finally done!! I took for ever, because of some family trauma. Ohwell. Anyways, hope you guys like the chapter, and as always, email me! a2jm2@hotmail.com.