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Chapter four: Getting Out
When I got home I found Tony already in the kitchen, working on dinner.
"Hey." He called as I dragged my books towards my room, "How'd the studying go? Get everything finished?"
"Yep, I still have some reading to do, but I can finish that any time."
"Sounds good. Did Chris say when he'd be home tonight?"
"He said early, whatever that means."
"It means you and I are eating dinner alone tonight." Tony replied, "Unless you want to invite Aiden over."
"He said he has some things to do." I said, "But he did ask if I wanted to go to the mall with him tonight."
Tony raised his eyebrows at me and I conveniently went into my room to put my books away without elaborating further. He was waiting for me when I came back out.
"So you and Aiden are hitting it off okay?" he asked casually.
"Yeah, I guess, he's pretty cool. Do you need some help with dinner?"
"You can make the salad." Tony replied, so I started digging things out of the refrigerator, wondering why we always had salad when Tony cooked, because no one ever ate it. Honestly I thought he just liked to have it for decoration. "So are you going to go with Aiden tonight?"
I glanced towards him as he chopped up raw chicken.
"Well, I was going to ask if I could." I replied somewhat timidly, "I mean, I want to, but I know that I've gotten into some trouble this week. I told Aiden I would, because no one ever said I was grounded or anything."
"Grounded?" Tony practically laughed in my face on that one. "Jesus, Owe, you have got to stop doing this to yourself." Tony washed his hands and moved to the table, taking a seat and motioning for me to follow, "Come sit down."
I left what I was doing on the counter and dutifully went to the table, sheepishly hanging my head as Tony started to talk.
"Look Owen, you're not in any trouble as far as Chris and I are concerned. I wont say I agree with the fighting, but I don't need to say anything because I think you're beating yourself up enough over it. And I know you're adjusting to being here, but we all are. I just want you to know that I can speak for Chris too when I say that we are both happy to have you here."
"I know." I sighed, "And I'm glad to be here too, I just don't want to mess up."
"Hey," Tony took my hand and forced me to look at him. He was doing that thing with his eyes again, reading me, and then he seemed to see something there and let out a long breath, "Owen, you're going to mess up. We all will. But guess what? It doesn't change anything. You're here as long as you want to be. And if your worried about what I think your worried about, it will be over my dead body that you end up back with the `rents. Understand? We aren't going to send you away Owen. Not ever."
Deep down I always knew that, but it was nice to be reassured and I found myself wiping at a few stray tears running down my face. I hated getting emotional. Tony held my hand and gave me a minute to compose myself before I looked at him again.
"Thanks, Tony."
"There's nothing to thank me for." He stated, "We want you here Owen, I mean that. That's never going to change. But I think we've got to get a few things straight. Chris and me aren't parents. We're your brothers and we're here for you if you need us, but we're not around to parent you. You're seventeen years old and you've pretty much got your shit straight. And I think your independent enough to make your own decisions."
"I know." I nodded, "It just takes some getting used to, you know. I mean, with mom and dad I couldn't get a glass of water without explaining myself."
"Believe me, I know." Tony shook his head. "I remember what it was like, Owen. But you don't need to worry about that here. There really are no rules. I mean, other than finishing school, but I think that's a given. But as far as rules go, you'll have to make your own, because Chris and me really don't have any. We are here for you though, and we want you to come to us if you need us, no matter what it is. You're not alone, little brother. And you know, we don' t think of you as a little kid either; you're all grown up, and if you think about it, we're not much older than you are. Don't be surprised if we come to you with our problems. Especially Chris, he tends to loose his head up his ass sometimes."
I laughed.
"All I'm saying, is that we're family, Owe, we're here for each other. So don't be afraid to speak up if you need us. And I swear to god if I ever try to ground you I fully expect you to knock me on my ass or have me committed, no way I want to be that responsible, yet." He feigned the chills and we both laughed. "So, do you want to talk about the fight? I know it's been bothering you."
I let out a breath and then slowly nodded. It had been bothering me.
"I snapped Tony." I said quietly. "And I think I know why. It was that word. Dennis was just going off, and he said `Faggot' and I snapped."
"You're gay, Owen. But you've been so used to hiding it, up until now. Do you think maybe hearing Dennis say something like that made you feel attacked, like he was targeting you specifically?"
"Sort of." I said slowly, "except I hear shit like that all the time, but I don't let it bother me. I mean, yeah, every time I hear something I have to force myself not to look, remind myself that no one's talking to me, you know?" he nodded, "But it was different when Dennis said it. It's like, if I would have jumped into that fight, just to help Aiden, it wouldn't bother me so much, but when I did it, it wasn't for him. I did it for me."
"And you feel like shit for it, like you were selfish maybe?"
"Selfish and crazy." I nodded. "I really scared myself Tony. I just kept hitting Dennis, even after the fight was broken up. I saw him afterwards; I did a real number on him. I mean, he's a jerk, but he didn't deserve that. I was just so angry."
"And why do you think that was?"
"I don't know." I frowned.
"I think you do." Tony replied, touching my hand again, "Where did all that anger go Owen? Where did it take you?"
I had the urge to ask my brother-none too kindly-when he became the family shrink. But he was only trying to help me, so I kept the remarks to myself. I closed my eyes, swallowed, and then looked at Tony again.
"The kitchen." I said, "Back home, or-at mom and dad's. That's where it happened. When I told him I was gay."
"And he hurt you." he said softly. "Dad."
I nodded.
"Did he hurt you, Tony?" I asked, "When he found out about you?"
"Not in the same way." Tony sighed, "But I had Chris, Owen. There was no way he was going to try to take both of us. He just kicked me out, and Chris left with me, he said if dad didn't have a faggot son, then he didn't have a bigot father. I think that was harder for Chris to do than he ever admitted, but he wont talk to me about it. He was also closer to dad than I was. For me, it was mom. I think she hurt me more by not saying anything at all...but we're happy now. Chris and me, we've had time to get over it. You're still working on it, and you didn't have anyone there with you when you went through it, Owen. I' ll always be sorry for that."
"I don't want you to be sorry Tony. I mean, yeah, I was angry for a long time. I thought you guys had just left, no one ever told me why. I guess I should have figured it out when dad started getting on my case when he thought I did anything that seemed `too gay.' But you're here now, and honestly, I'm glad you got out when you did. Yeah, dad hurt me, but I think the words hurt more than his fists. I mean, the things he said..."
"I know." Tony squeezed my hand. And I'm sure he did know. He probably heard the same hateful things.
"But the thing is Tony, that whole time, I didn't fight back. I mean, I just let him hit me while I listened to him say those things...you know he actually told me that I was going to grow up to be a child molester? He said he was going to call all of our younger cousins to make sure I hadn't `defiled their innocence.' I mean, how sick is that?" my voice had started to rise so I calmed myself down before I continued. "But I didn't fight back. I've been so angry with myself for that. I think that's why, when I heard Dennis, I just snapped. It was like he was dad all over again, only what he said wasn't half as bad."
"But you fought back this time." Tony sighed.
"Yeah, and I hate myself for it. I mean, shit, I'd even apologize to the guy if I thought it would help any."
"You could, but seriously, Owen, that might just start something else. If you do, make sure you're careful, please."
"I know. I will."
"I know you will. And Owen, I'm no shrink, but it seems to me that you have a lot of issues to deal with here. I think you're still angry and hurt by dad, and I think it's normal. But take it from me, bro, if you're still hoping that he comes to his senses, that he'll show up here with open arms and a heart-felt apology, you need to let it go and move on. I know it sounds harsh, but take it from me. It won't happen. He won't change, Owen. And we can't make him.
That was harsh. But the sad thing was, I was in fact wishing for the same thing, if not from my dad, then from my mom, I mean, they were still my parents, and I didn't understand how anyone could turn their backs on their own children like that. It was incredibly sad, and sort of ironic. For two bigots, two out of their three sons end up gay and the one son that isn't ends up disowning them for being bigots. Poetic justice maybe? I'd have to think more on that.
"So," Tony smiled, suddenly trying to pull us both out of a dark mood, "Are you going with Aiden?"
"I think so." I nodded, "Maybe I'll get my hair cut while I'm out."
"Thank god!" Tony said dramatically as he ruffled my hair, "I was beginning to worry about you and this hair of yours, you haven't done anything decent with it since you got here."
"Knock it off." I laughed, pushing his hand away, "And yeah, I know, that's because I just wanted to..."
"Hide?"
"Yeah." I admitted.
"Well, I hate to break to you Owen, but we're Dovan men, we're born gorgeous, nothing we can do about it really." he said matter of factly.
I rolled my eyes at him as I left the table to finish up the salad and he went back to the chicken. After a few moments I glanced back at my older brother and smiled.
"Hey, Tony?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks."
He winked at me and then went back to dinner preparations before he changed the subject.
"So are just you and Aiden going?" he asked.
"No, he said some of his friends were going to be there." I replied.
Tony stopped and looked at me.
"Have you actually met Aiden's friends?" Tony asked.
"I don't think so, why?"
"No reason." Tony said with a mischievous smile.
"What?" I demanded.
"Hey, just have a good time. Do you need any cash?"
"Nope. I'm good. But, I was thinking about getting a job when we get back from camping. I mean, working weekends at the club is great and all, but I think I want to do something else, you know?"
"You think you can handle that and school?"
"I should be able to." I nodded.
"Alright, as long as you know that you don't have to get a job, especially if it interferes with school."
"Thanks, but I really think I can handle it. Besides, mom and dad never let me work, I think it would be good for me, you know? And I really want to do it."
"Well, if you're really interested...I think I might have something for you."
"Really?"
"Yeah, if you don't mind working with your hands."
"Not at all."
"Cool, let me make a call later on and I'll let you know."
"Thanks."
Tony and I chatted about random things through supper, and just when we were finishing up there was a knock on the front door. Tony shouted `come in,' because we both figured it was Aiden, and it was. Tony told me he'd finish up the dishes, so after I grabbed my ball cap, I was out the door with Aiden.
I noticed that he had changed and looked really good. His hair was down again and he was wearing a leather jacket. I however, had made no such effort and I wondered if I should have.
"So, we'll probably just catch a movie and hang out for a while." Aiden said as we walked down to the parking lot to wait for his friends to show up.
"Cool." I nodded, suddenly feeling a little nervous. I think Aiden noticed.
"Hey, it's cool man, Janie will be there, you've already met her, and everyone else is cool."
I nodded. I hadn't thought that Janie would be there, and honestly, I still didn't know what to think of her. Hell, I was still trying to figure out if she was Aiden's girlfriend, even if confessing her undying infatuation with my twin brothers told me otherwise.
Aiden smiled, as a red Camaro pulled up, driven by a guy with died auburn hair and dark eyes. He looked older than us, but only by one or two years. He was thin, but not as wiry as Adam, and he was cute, although in no way as attractive as Aiden. But he looked nice enough.
Aiden grabbed my arm after opening he door and pushing the passenger seat forward. He climbed into the back seat, ushering me along with him, leaving the front seat next to the new guy vacant.
"Owen, this is Leo." Aiden said, "He graduated last year, but he still likes to entertain us little people every now and then."
"Hi." Leo grinned as I shook his hand.
"Hey." I replied.
"And I don't entertain the little people," he winked, "They entertain me."
"Drive." Aiden groaned, slapping the back of Leo's head in the process, "Why haven't you picked up Ben yet?"
"You know Ben." Leo shrugged, "I didn't want to wait for him to get dressed. We'll pick him up last."
"Who else are we picking up?" Aiden asked.
"Just Ryan." Leo replied, "Everyone else will meet us there."
"So we're just seeing a movie?" Aiden asked.
"I guess," Leo sighed, "But you should know that Janie and Ben have banned together and they want to see some depressing chick flick."
"Shit," Aiden sighed, "Maybe I'll skip the movie. What do you think, Owen?"
"Either way." I shrugged. I would do whatever Aiden wanted to do.
"I don't know how late everyone wants to stay out," Leo said, "But I heard you got suspended, Aiden."
"Yeah, thanks to this guy." Aiden remarked, playfully hitting my arm.
"So I hear." Leo grinned into the rear view mirror at me, "You're famous."
"I hope not." I rolled my eyes.
"Well, expect people to be asking about it tonight," Leo told me, "Janie runs her mouth, so even us who aren't still stuck in high school are privy to knowing what goes on there."
"Great." That was sarcastic, by the way.
"It's cool Owen, I'll protect you." Aiden winked. I smiled back, but something about the way he said that got my attention. Or maybe it was the way he was looking at me, I'm not sure, but it definitely got my attention.
"Anyways," Leo called from the front seat, "Since you two aren't school bo und tomorrow, we're having a get together at my place tonight, you guys should come."
Aiden glanced at me before turning back to Leo.
"We'll see, Leo." He replied.
We ended up about two blocks away and pulled in front of a two-story house with a tire swing out front. Leo honked the horn twice and I watched as another boy practically ran out of his house. He was closer to mine and Aiden's age, in face, I recognized him. I was fairly certain he was a senior, and I had seen him around school. I was sure that he was in my gym glass. But it was a large class, so I couldn't be completely certain.
He was about as tall as Aiden, with light brown hair and green eyes. He had the same broad shouldered build as me, but he had more muscle. He reminded me of myself before I lost a lot of my weight and muscle mass. He waved as he came towards the car and when he smiled I noticed the two perfect dimples on his cheeks and realized that I did have gym with him, but we had never talked before.
I was surprised when the newcomer climbed into the back with me and Aiden, still leaving the passenger seat vacant. I was forced to move over into the middle, pushed up against Aiden, and then when the new guy got in, I was plastered between them, not that I minded, it was just different, and I was fully aware of two different smells around me too. Aiden smelled clean, like soap, and sweet, like, well, Aiden. While the new guy smelled like a mild cologne mixed with a musky boy scent. I don't know why I was noticing all of this, but I was suddenly both uncomfortable and full of anticipation, being crowded in the back seat with two attractive guys.
"Owen, that's Ryan," Aiden said.
"Hey Owen." Ryan grinned, as we bent to shake hands in the close confines of the back seat, "You're in my gym class right?" he had a really deep voice.
"Yeah, I think so." I replied nonchalantly.
"Dude, I didn't know you had a class together." Aiden said. I didn't know who he was talking to so I let Ryan answer.
"I didn't know you knew each other." Ryan replied, "And I didn't know Owen here until, now." he smiled at me again, "But I wish I did know you when you kicked Dennis Gordon's ass."
"Dude, we're not talking about that tonight." Aiden came to the rescue.
"Oh come on!" Ryan complained.
"It's already old news dude," Leo called, "Let it drop."
Ryan rolled his eyes and then smiled at me again, elbowing me in the process.
"But you'll tell me about it later, right?" he asked.
"Sure," I said noncommittally and glanced at Aiden, who just flashed me a smile.
"So who's coming around tonight?" Ryan called loudly. I discovered that his question was aimed at Leo.
"Not sure yet." Leo replied, "It's a school night, so not everyone will be around, but Ben for sure, Jake will be there and whoever he invites, and maybe these two back here if they can make up their minds."
Ryan looked at Aiden and me and then put an arm around my shoulder while I tried not to instinctively flinch, his being a stranger and all.
"Come on guys, you should come over, it'll be fun." And then he winked at Aiden, licking his lips. I didn't think much of the exchange, but Aiden suddenly shot Ryan a sharp look.
"We'll see." Aiden said. "Maybe we will if you don't scare Owen here away by then."
Ryan rolled his eyes and grinned at me again, moving his arm back over the top of the seat to rest behind both Aiden and me.
The last place we stopped before the mall was another apartment complex, and when I saw the guy coming towards the car I had to do a double take. He was shorter, probably around five seven, thin, with curly blonde hair and blue eyes. The first word that came to mind was `pretty.' He wore a tight pink t-shirt, leather pants and a thick, rainbow-striped bracelet on his wrist. He also had a certain lift in his step when he walked and a swivel in his hips. In fact, when he walked his whole body seemed to swivel.
"Oh, not again." Ryan groaned when he spotted the blond boy. Leo just laughed and shook his head, but I didn't see Aiden's reaction because I was too busy staring.
And then what happened next almost had my eyeballs popping out of my head. The blond boy took the front seat and before addressing anyone else, smiled broadly at Leo.
"Hey babe." Leo said softly, right before leaning forward and planting a kiss directly on the new boys lips. And it wasn't just any kiss either, there were tongues moving, hands pulling heads closer, packed with all the usual slurping sounds. It occurred to me in that moment that I had kissed another guy, Dan of course, but I had never watched two guys kiss. It had to have been one of the hottest things I had ever seen and I couldn't look away. But then, Ryan interrupted the moment.
"Will you two knock it off?" Ryan groaned.
The blond boy broke the kiss and turned around laughing.
"Oh, you're just jealous." He quipped. He had a soft voice, the complete opposite of Ryan, and he moved his hands when he talked.
"And you're scaring Owen here." Ryan laughed.
The blond boy looked at me, eyes wide for a moment before a soft smile covered his face and he flicked out his hand as if he wanted me to kiss it.
"I hope not." He purred, "Hi Owen, I'm Ben."
Well I didn't kiss his hand, but I shook it the way I would an old woman at church, just softly, and as I got my wits together I returned the smile.
"Nice to meet you." I said, before leaning back in the seat, thinking that I' d kill Tony later, as I remembered his mischievous smile when he asked me about knowing Aiden's friends.
I finally glanced at Aiden and was surprised to see a concerned expression on his face, and he wouldn't meet my eyes. I suddenly realized that he had been watching my reaction to Ben, and I wondered what he was thinking. I hope that he hadn't taken my reaction to his friend as a bad one, so in an effort to let him know it was cool I casually nudged him with my arm and when he looked at me I smiled.
That made the difference. Aiden's expression lost all sign of stress and he seemed considerably relaxed again, so I kept up the smile, but now my mind was racing. Leo and Ben were gay! I guess that wasn't a big deal, I mean, I'm gay. But before I came here the only other gay person I knew about, or had any experience with, was Dan.
Sure, my brother happens to be gay too, but oddly enough it was one subject we had never discussed in depth. The conversation I had with Tony before dinner that night was the most we had mentioned our sexuality since I moved in. I mean, every once in a while he'd point out a cute guy, but as far as I knew, he wasn't dating anyone and he hadn't introduced me to anyone.
And I guess it shouldn't surprise me that Aiden had gay friends. Tony told me that I would be alright coming out to Aiden, and Aiden probably assumed that I would be okay with Ben and Leo because after all, I had a gay brother.
Now honestly, I was pretty sure that Aiden was straight, and I was even more certain that Ryan was. But, being squashed between the two in the back seat while Leo and Ben held hands up front had me thinking, wondering a few things.
Mostly I wondered if Aiden knew that I was gay. I guess it wouldn't bother me if he did know, especially now, but it wasn't a subject I was ready to bring up just yet. Unless he asked me of course, which I doubt he would.
The mall wasn't a very large place, but they did have a large theater, and when we arrived I immediately recognized Janie, and Adam with a rather large group of people. A few girls I recognized from the oak tree, but other than that I didn't really know anyone. I hadn't expected to see Adam there, and obviously he hadn't planned on seeing me, but when he did his face lit up and he came to shake my hand while I watched his sister kiss Aiden on the cheek out of the corner of my eye before she took his hand.
"Dude, I didn't know you were coming." Adam said, "You came with Aiden?"
"Yeah." I nodded. I had done a lot of thinking about Adam. He really was a nice guy, and he had been trying to be my friend from day one, as much as I wasn 't looking for friendship. But over the last few days I had had a change of heart. "So is Shane here too?"
"No, his mom wants him to finish all of his assignments before he goes camping with us this weekend. Man, it's gonna be great. That was so cool of your brothers to invite us."
"Yeah," I nodded, it really was. "It'll be fun."
I looked up when Aiden suddenly appeared beside me. He was holding Janie's hand as he purposely bumped into my shoulder with a grin on his face.
"Hey guys, it looks like we're splitting up tonight." He said.
"Aiden and I are going into the movie." Janie announced happily.
I smiled when I saw that Aiden was less than thrilled with the idea. To be honest, sitting in a theater for two hours watching who-knows-what wasn't something I was particularly interested in either.
"What do you think, Owe?" Aiden asked. I smiled at the nickname. "Wanna come in? Leo and Ben are watching the movie and a few more those morons too," he said, grinning at the group of people I didn't really know.
"No way." Adam interrupted, "Owen, you don't want to go in there, its just some movie about old chicks or something, you want to hang out? There's an arcade."
I looked at Adam and suddenly felt torn. I know I thought that I would stick with Aiden, but honestly going with Adam seemed like more fun at the time. But when I looked at Aiden and he saw the answer on my face I could swear that he seemed disappointed.
"You don't mind, do you?" I asked him, "I sort of need to get my hair cut and I should do it while I'm here anyways."
"Cool." Adam chimed in, "I know the perfect place for that, right by the arcade."
I was still looking at Aiden, who quickly smiled and shrugged.
"Sure." Aiden said, "Have a good time...we'll meet at the arcade in two hours then?"
"Three hours." Janie corrected him.
"What?" Aiden demanded.
"That's how long the movie is." Janie replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Now come on!" I don't think Adam or I could wipe the amused looks off our faces as Janie dragged a complaining Aiden away by the arm. I wondered if that was where he got the arm-grabbing thing from. I was still watching after him when he looked back at me, smiled, and waved as he followed the rest of the group into the theater.
"Come on." Adam insisted, turning to lead the way. "If you want to get your hair cut you should do that first, the mall closes soon but the arcade will stay open until midnight when the theater closes."
I was about to thank him for letting me know, when we heard a loud whistle and looked back to see Ryan running towards us.
"Wait up." he called, so we did, and when he reached us we all fell into step together as Ryan threw and arm around each of our shoulders.
"Hey little Guy." he said to Adam, "Heading to the arcade?"
"Yup." Adam smiled.
"Cool." Ryan replied, and then grinned at me, "So, who's gonna tell me how Owen here kicked Dennis Gordon's ass?"
"It wasn't a big deal." I muttered.
"Oh pa-lease!" Adam rolled his eyes, "it was awesome, I mean, Aiden and Shane and me were there, but you should have seen Owen! I'm just glad he was on our side, I mean, man..."
I let out a breath as Adam proceeded to tell Ryan every detail of the fight that I wanted to forget, of course he exaggerated a few details and in the end I came out looking like a hero. I wasn't about to correct him, but mostly because I wasn't ready for anyone to know the real reason why I snapped.
I think hearing about the fight again started to depress me, but I didn't let on. When we reached the arcade I saw that there was a really close place where I could get my haircut. Both Adam and Ryan asked if I wanted some company, but I told them I'd meet them in the arcade.
Why is it that the people who cut hair feel the need to talk your ear off? I guess they're just trying to be polite, maybe make a good tip. I guess I'll never really get it. When I get my haircut I like things quiet. I like to hear the scissors and nothing else. Maybe I'm weird.
The lady who cut my hair was very chatty though. When I removed my ball cap and she got a good look at the bruises on my face, which had turned a horrible shade of yellow and green, she wanted to know what happened of course. I told her I was in a fight and didn't want to talk about it. Then I took out my driver's license and showed her the picture of my old haircut so she knew what I wanted.
For the next half hour I was lectured about fighting and how a nice young man like me shouldn't do it, but at least my hair ended up okay. Actually, it was pretty good. For the first time in months I looked like me when I looked in the mirror, minus the bruises around my eyes. My hair looked lighter somehow, like my brothers' hair. But it was short again, spiky on the top. I liked it. Of course, I quickly covered it with my hat again before I left.
When I reached the arcade again I saw Adam, playing foosball against a kid that looked about thirteen so I waved to him, without interrupting his game. He nodded with a smile and directed me towards a table with his eyes where Ryan was sitting, sipping a soda. Ryan saw me about the same time I saw him and gave me a small wave, so I went over and took a seat opposite him, looking around at all of the nameless faces, the same way he was.
"So, Owen," he said after a while, "You moved here, what, a month ago?"
"Yep." I yawned, "Just moved in with my brothers."
"Right, they're twins right?"
"Yeah." I nodded, still getting used to the fact that everyone seemed to know who my brothers were.
"Right," Ryan seemed to be thinking as he nodded his head, and then he smiled, "They own that club, right, Shadow?"
"That's the one."
"Cool place." Ryan smiled, "I've only been there twice since I've turned eighteen, though. But Leo goes all the time, I think he knows your brothers, Chris and Tony, right?"
"Yeah, Chris is at the club a lot." I replied. "Tony doesn't get out there much."
"So, if you live with your brothers, where are your parents?" Ryan asked.
I was not expecting that question to pop up. So far, no one had really asked me anything like that, and it completely caught me off guard. I decided the best approach was to recover quickly and change the subject.
"Not here." I shrugged, "So why aren't you playing anything?" I asked, looking around the arcade, "You don't like games?"
"Nah, I just don't feel like it," he said, and I was glad that he took the change in subject. "I just wasn't expecting everyone to go into that damn movie. Now I'm just bored."
I nodded absently and glanced towards the clock. It was just after eight o'clock, and we still had another two hours before the movie let out. I yawned again and this time when I glanced back at Ryan he was studying me intently with a sly smile on his face that instantly made me nervous.
"What?" I asked cautiously.
"Let's go for a walk." He said.
I cocked my head at him and he abruptly sat up, slapping my shoulder as he passed my chair.
"Come on." He insisted.
"What about Adam?" I asked as I stood up.
"Trust me, he wont even know we're gone." Ryan insisted.
I glanced towards the younger boy, and found that Ryan was right. Adam was too absorbed into his game to notice much else, so I decided to take the chance and I walked with Ryan out of the arcade and through the mall until we ended up outside where there were a few benches and trash cans.
The parking lot on that side of the mall was mostly empty and all seemed to be quiet. It was dark now, except for the few surrounding lights, and the air seemed cooler. I watched as Ryan reached into his pocket and then help up a rolled joint, and then I just stared.
"I was going to save it for later," he said, "But shit, it's something to do to pass the time."
I stared at it, not really understanding why he seemed so excited. I didn't do drugs. Actually, I had never even experimented with them and I didn't see why I would want to start now.
"And it's good shit," he continued, as he lifted a lighter, "You're gonna love this."
"You go ahead, man," I insisted, "I'll just keep you company."
He lowered the joint and looked at me like I was from another planet. I couldn 't help laughing at that expression.
"It's just not my thing." I shrugged, "Never done it before."
"Oh, man, I'm sorry." Ryan said, "I didn't mean to push. It's cool, really, it's just more fun to smoke with someone."
He looked at the joint dejectedly, as if he were trying to figure out whether or not he still wanted to smoke it. And as I sat there, curiosity began to get the better of me while I tried to ignore it.
I wondered why I had never even tried it before. Nicky and I knew a few guys who passed a pipe around at parties, but we never participated. I had never really even been curious because I saw how marijuana tended to put people to sleep, I mean, why would anyone want to smoke something that put you to sleep? But still...
"Okay man," I relented, even though Ryan hadn't pushed me, whatsoever, "I guess there's a first time for everything."
He looked up at me again, smiling.
"Seriously? You're sure? Because if you don't want to, I'll understand."
"Just light it up man," I laughed, "Jeez, you're making all that shit they taught us about peer pressure look like a load of crap."
"Sorry to disappoint you." he rolled his eyes and I watched as he lit the joint, inhaling deeply, holding it in for a moment before he let it out and the air filled with a sweetly pungent smell. It wasn't the first time I smelled it, it just seemed to smell different when I knew that I was going to be the one smoking it.
When Ryan passed me the joint I looked at it for a moment while he watched me, and then I shrugged and tried to mimic what he did. I inhaled a big puff and meant to hold it in, but the second it hit my lungs I was holding my chest and coughing my head off while Ryan laughed.
"Whoa, slow down, bro," he said, taking the joint before I could drop it and took another hit. When I recovered I looked at him with watery eyes and a twisted smile.
"Shit." I muttered.
Ryan just ginned and passed it back to me again so I could give it another try. This time I inhaled slowly as he watched, as if guiding me with his eyes.
"Cool," he said, "Now hold it for a sec...okay cool..."
I exhaled slowly and smiled as a foggy sensation filled my head and I suddenly felt relaxed. I grinned at Ryan and passed it back to him. We stared at each other for a moment and then burst out laughing for no reason. It wouldn't be the first time that night for pointless laughter, as I would soon learn.
As we smoked the joint down to a roach we ended up lying down on the bench, the tops of our heads almost touching as we passed it back and forth, talking between fits of giggles.
I think it was the first time I had felt truly relaxed and worry free in a long time, and I let my guard down enough to get to know Ryan a little better, and it turned out, I really liked him. He also gave me some history of the group we were with tonight.
Ryan was a senior, and although he didn't play sports because the interfered with his partying habits, he was into working out and it showed. He had a garage full of weights and when I mentioned that I used to be into that stuff he suggested we work out together before school sometimes, which I actually agreed to. I thought it would feel good to get in shape again. The only thing that prevented it before were the injuries my father had inflicted, and my depression. Of course when Ryan asked me why I stopped working out and playing sports I told him it was because I was in an `accident' but didn't elaborate.
I also found out that Ryan and Leo were cousins. They had always been close, even if Leo was a year older, and then he started talking about Ben, and I learned a lot. Apparently, Ben had always been flamboyant, and Ryan met him when they ended up in the same class in first grade. Some of the other kids were picking on Ben and Ryan came to the rescue, and they had been friends ever since. Leo was a year older, so they never really saw a whole lot of him, but all of that changed in high school.
Ryan and Ben were freshman when Leo started hanging out with them. Ryan said that the three of them were pretty much inseparable. Then, over the summer Leo and Ben moved into a different relationship. It was interesting to hear about this, and it pretty much told me that Ryan was straight as an arrow.
Apparently, Ben and Leo started getting together without Ryan. He had always known that Ben was gay, ever since he knew what the word meant, but he had always figured his cousin for straight. He got tired of the two of them sneaking off together, so he called them on it, thinking that they were pissed at him for something. Leo came out to Ryan, and said that he and Ben were together. I think Ryan was just relieved that they weren't mad at him for something.
He said that life went on pretty normal the next year, except Ben, who happened to be very smart, was skipped a grade, placing him in Leo's class. Ryan sort of felt left behind, and he often felt like the third wheel because his two best friends were totally in love with each other, and as he put it, ` nauseating.' That's when he met Aiden and Janie. They were a year younger, and as inseparable as Ryan, Leo and Ben once were.
Ryan became fast friends with Aiden, and later Janie. Then he met Janie's younger brother Adam and his human sidekick, Shane, and as he put it, the rest is history.
I enjoyed learning more about everyone. I was especially interested in everything anyone had to say about Aiden. But now I had questions, and I hated asking questions when the answers were none of my business. But, I was lying on a bench with a guy I had only known for a few hours, and I was stoned out of my damned mind.
"So, help me with something here." I said as I passed what was left of the roach back to Ryan for the last time, "Is like, Janie...is she Aiden's girlfriend?"
Ryan obviously found something I said hilarious because cracked up, and it was contagious. I started laughing too, like I couldn't control it. I fought to control myself and sat up feeling a little light headed and dazed and Ryan sat up next to me so that we were leaning on each other's shoulders. He shook his head, licked the cherry out of the roach and shoved it in his pocket.
"Sorry, bro," he was still giggling, "That's just too funny."
"What?" I had honestly forgotten the question I asked.
"Janie and Aiden," he laughed, "Janie acts like she's, like, married to him sometimes. Drives him nuts."
"So they're not together?"
"Why, are you interested?" he laughed.
I froze at that remark. Interested in Aiden or Janie?
"Cause if you are, I could talk to Janie for you." Ryan nudged me.
Oh, Janie. No thank you.
"Nah man, she's not my type." I replied. He had no idea. "I was just wondering if they were together."
"No, they're best friends, never even dated each other." Ryan replied.
We fell silent for a few moments and I didn't even notice until Ryan nudged me, and when I looked at him his eyes were bloodshot and glazed over and he had the most serious expression on his face that sent me into a new fit of laughter, and he was quick to join me in it. And then somewhere in there Ryan said something about how horny he was and we started laughing again.
When we finally calmed down he looked at me wiping tears from his eyes with a huge grin on his face.
"So how was it, for your first time?" he asked.
I smiled to myself.
"Well, I feel like...I don't know...like I need to do something. Like...eat. Eat a lot."
Ryan laughed and looked at his watch before he stood up and patted my shoulder for me to follow.
"The mall's closed, but we still have forty five minutes before the movie lets out. Come on, I know where we can go to cure the munchies."
Having the munchies' was an understatement. I felt like I had a black hole in me that need to be filled. We walked across the street to a Jack In the Box ' and between us we downed four smoothies, three cheeseburgers, three orders of curly fries and two tacos.
By the time we were finished eating my first experience of being stoned had lightened a little but it was still there. And as we walked back to the mall I looked blankly down at my pants, which were mildly tented and announced, " Dude, I've got wood."
Ryan cracked up and playfully punched my shoulder and then adjusted his own package.
"I know what you mean man, I always get horny when I smoke. Hopefully there' ll be some chick at Leo's party tonight to help me out with it...hey, you and Aiden should come."
Now that I thought about it, I really didn't want to go home. A party sounded like fun, and fun was something I was looking for at the moment. But I felt a moment of guilt over getting high. I wondered if it was the only reason I felt so happy. I was pretty sure it was the only reason I had a torpedo in my pants. It had been so long since I had an erection other than morning wood. But, oddly enough, with Ryan I didn't feel embarrassed at all. Maybe that was because he didn't know I was gay, or maybe it was because his pants were as tented as mine.
But one thing was for sure, I had made at least one new friend tonight, two, if I counted Adam, who seemed to be pleased to see us when we got back, and not at all upset that we had taken off. He was still playing his games when we got there, so we watched him until he beat out another kid and then he moved to a table with us and we all talked about random shit for a while until Adam announced that the movie should be out and he had to go meet Janie because they would be going straight home.
"See you this weekend, Owen," Adam said when he waved goodbye.
"Bye." I waved, and then no more than fifteen minutes later I was playing a game of air hokey with Ryan when Aiden, Leo and Ben entered the now almost empty arcade. We hardly even noticed them because we were too busy trying to beat each other while handicapped with a case of the giggles.
Ryan eventually beat me and when we turned around we saw the three of them standing there, Ben was the only one smiling, grinning from ear to ear. Leo and Aiden both looked like they could use a nice, stiff drink. Ryan and I looked between each other and them before we burst out laughing for the thousandth time that night.
"Shit," Leo muttered, putting an arm around Ben's waist and pulling him close, "Remind me to skip the movie next time if it'll make me that happy."
"Oh, it wasn't that bad." Ben smirked, turning to Leo and nuzzling his neck, "Besides, I'll make it up to you later." And then they kissed.
I couldn't help watching the two of them. I had never encountered such an openly gay couple before and it was inspiring. Actually, I had never encountered any gay couple before.
"Yeah," Aiden interrupted my thoughts, "Well, who's going to make it up to me?"
I would have gladly volunteered but caught myself and laughed with everyone else. On the way out, Ryan planted himself between Aiden and I and draped an arm around each of our shoulders.
"So, are you guys coming over to Leo's?" Ryan asked.
"I don't know, man." Aiden glanced over at me again, looking for an answer and I shrugged noncommittally in case he didn't want to go, and then he looked at Ryan again, "I would, but I have to be home tonight so I can help my mom with something in the morning, and I don't think anyone will be sober enough to take me."
"Hey, we can take my truck." I volunteered, "that way we can leave whenever you want."
Aiden noticeably brightened over the idea.
"That would be awesome." He grinned, "Are you sure?"
"Sure." I nodded.
"Perfect." Ryan grinned, "So we'll drop you guys off and you can meet us over there, Aiden knows where it is."
We got out in front of our apartments and Leo, Ben and Ryan left while I led the way upstairs to let Tony know what I was up to, but when we went inside the lights were out.
"Tony?" I called as I flicked the lights on.
Aiden walked over to the television and lifted a note that had been taped on.
"Looks like he went out." Aiden said.
I took the note and looked it over and then I searched for a pen, added my own note to it and stuck it back on the television.
"Alright, just give me sec," I said, looking around for a second like I was lost, "I need keys...and I need to piss."
Aiden laughed.
"Where are your keys?" he asked.
"Back bedroom, on the nightstand." I told him as I moved into the bathroom.
I unzipped and watched the golden stream flow into the toilet. God, I needed that. I flushed and went to the sink to wash my hands, pulling off my hat and studying my new hair cut, which I had forgotten about. I leaned in close to the mirror, turned from side to side, running my fingers through my hair to fix it from when my hat had smothered it down, and then I looked at my eyes. The bruises were even less noticeable than they had been that morning, but my eyes were red as hell.
I splashed some water on my face and opened the cabinet, swearing that I had seen eye drops in their somewhere. I found them, tilted my head back, and when I was just finishing with the second eye I heard the jangling of my keys and saw Aiden's reflection in the mirror, holding them up. I guess I never bothered closing the door.
He smiled as he entered the bathroom and suddenly reached up and touched my hair. I immediately resisted the urge to lean into his hand. What the hell was wrong with me? All of a sudden I felt the need to be affectionate, and it wasn' t just with Aiden, anyone would work at the moment.
"Wow, looks good." he said, studying my haircut, and then he looked into my eyes, which were already clearing thanks to the invention that is visine. "I guess Ryan got a hold of you tonight. You know, you should be proud of yourself, Ryan never smokes with anyone unless he really likes them...or unless he's trying to get in their pants."
I raised my eyebrows and shook my head. "Yeah, well, he's cool." I replied, " And I've never smoked with anyone, it was my first time."
Aiden's eyes widened slightly.
"Seriously?"
"Yup," I said, tapping the keys in his hand, "So you're driving."
Honestly, I think I could have handled driving, but I figured that I wouldn't if I was drunk and didn't know the rules when it came to driving under the influence of marijuana. I gave myself one more look in the mirror and turned back to Aiden with another thought.
"You can drive, can't you?"
He rolled his eyes at me and grabbed my arm to pull me along.
"So did you at least have fun tonight?" he asked, "I really didn't know the movie was going to be so long. I sort of felt like I was abandoning you."
"Don't sweat it." I insisted as we climbed into my truck, "I did have a good time...thanks for inviting me.
"Well, the nights not over yet." Aiden smiled, "Who knew that getting suspended could be so much fun?"
"Yeah," I laughed, "But we probably shouldn't make a habit out of it."
"Fine, I'll promise not to get into any more fights if you promise not to jum p into ones you weren't invited to." Aiden grinned.
"Deal," I said, and we shook on it before he started up the truck and we were on our way.
"So, there probably wont be very many girls there tonight." Aiden said somewhat cautiously, causing me to give him a questioning look. "I didn't know what you were expecting." He continued.
"Whatever." I shrugged, "Girls are kind of boring anyways."
"Yeah." He smiled, and then fell silent for a moment, lost in thought. "Owen? "
"Yeah?"
"Should I have, um...warned you about Leo and Ben?"
"What for?" I asked, "I liked them."
"Cool. I guess you can never be too sure, you know? I sort of figured you'd be cool with it because, well Tony. But then when Ben got in the car and I saw the look on your face I sort of wondered if you were going to have a problem."
"Oh," I nodded, "Well, honestly, I guess I was surprised. Where I come from there are gay people, but they aren't so open. It just took some getting used to. But believe me, I'm okay with it." if only he knew how okay I was with it. I thought about telling him about me, but couldn't bring myself to open my mouth.
"I'm relived to hear you say that." Aiden sighed.
"Hey, it's cool...you know, up until two months ago, I had no idea that Tony was gay."
Aiden glanced at me in disbelief.
"You're kidding?"
I shook my head.
"My brothers took off when I was fourteen, I never knew why until recently, before I moved in with them." Why the hell was I opening up to him like that? Maybe it was the pot. At least I had something to blame it on later if I needed to. Or maybe, I was just comfortable with Aiden.
"Wow." Aiden said.
I realized that I had set myself up for the inevitable question: why was I living with my brothers and not my parents? But Aiden never asked, and I really respected that. We seemed to have a silent understanding with each other. He didn't ask about my past and I didn't ask how he got that cut on his head.
I'm sure we were both curious about each other though. I know that I was curious about him. But I wouldn't say that we didn't breach certain topics with each other because we didn't trust each other. I think it was just the opposite. Maybe we both needed a friend we could feel safe with, someone to just be with, no questions asked. I think we trusted each other to be that person.
Comments/ questions? Send to DomLuka@aol.com.
Author note: Thanks to everyone who's been letting me know what they think of the story. I love hearing from you guys. I'll respond to emails if there is a question or if you ask for a response. But for now, I'll answer a frequently asked question here rather than sending out a bunch of individual emails. The Log Way' -- lots of people seemed to be confused about the title of this story because it doesn't make any sense. Well, you're right, it doesn't. See, the story was originally called The Long Way,' the new title is a typo-(yes, authors do make mistakes.) I try to edit every chapter before I submit it, so you can imagine how stupid I felt when I realized that I messed up on the title of the first chapter.
But, a title's just a title. I'd like to think that the story itself is what' s important. So, there you have it, The Long Way' has become the The Log Way.' I hope that answers some of your questions. Chapter five should be up soon.
Dom at DomLuka@aol.com