THE LIFE WHEEL by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2008 written on October 1, 1991 translated by the author English text kindly revised by The Australian
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"THE LIFE WHEEL" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.
CHAPTER - Marco 1
Leo is really a clever guy. Stefano also, but Leo is great. When "Madam the Dean" called us in about our poster, I was ready to start with the rights of minorities, but he made me a sign to keep silent.
Then, with a brazen smile he said, "The Arci-gay is a registered association according the Italian law, and our poster got the Public Service authorization and stamp. Our request to expose it is according the law. Where is the problem?"
The Dean, dryly answered, "There is not just the law that matters, but also the opportunity if it. A poster advertising homosexuality seems to me absolutely inopportune."
And Leo, absolutely quietly, said, "Forgive me for correcting you, Madam. Our poster is just advertising a set of movies. Movies that are in the normal circuit of the theatres and that evidently have already undergone the censorship service."
She seemed as if she were about to burst. "Anyway they are films (and she hissed the final "s") advertising homosexuality."
Leo interrupted. "Besides the fact that even if they did what you say, in Italy homosexuality is not illegal. Anyway, for you to state your opinion like this, it is evident that you already saw all of them."
I thought that at this point she would really explode, but she said, "No, I didn't see them and I really don't want to see them! Anyway you may notice that the majority of this school students are under age."
"I know Madam; we too are still under-age, but if one of these movies were forbidden to minors under18 years, it would be the task of the movie theatre to prevent a minor entering. It is not your business."
At this point "Madam the Dean" said, "For heaven's sake, none of you three seem to feel the less decent in publicly declaring your homosexuality. Don't you feel any shame?"
This time it was me to answer her, "No more than you being a woman - do you possibly feel ashamed of it, Madam Dean?"
She told me not to be cheeky. I didn't think I had been cheeky. Anyway, the conclusion was that we put that poster inside our school.
This story with our dean happened in the 5th junior high school, when Leo enrolled in our school and was put in our class. Stefano and I already knew about each other, but never had the guts to come out to our mates. It is not that Leo had just entered the classroom and at once declared that he was gay. But soon after, when one of our class-mates asked him if he had a girlfriend, with the most natural expression of this world he answered, "No, I've a boyfriend." Everybody laughed, thinking he was joking, but he took out of his wallet and showed them a picture of him and another boy kissing, and said, "He is my boyfriend. His name is Tony."
Just like that !
Then, in a class composition test having as it's title "I will speak in defence of...", or something like that, Leo wrote a composition entirely in defence of homosexuality.
Our lady teacher refused to correct it, and wrote as a mark "not classified". Leo at first said nothing, but in the following lesson, he came with plenty of law articles and Ministerial Decrees and showed that
he has the right to have his test revised, scored. Not about his ideas, but about his ability to write in good Italian, and his skill in supporting his ideas with logical reasoning.
Our teacher had to revise it and give him a mark. She gave him a stingy 6.5/10, and under it wrote "composition without real mistakes, but with very personal and not always acceptable ideas". Leo is the best of us all, in all disciplines, and there was nothing they could do to him or about the composition.
So, both Sandro and I decided to do our coming out at school and to side with Leo. We subscribed to the Arci-gay association and after that we always openly sustained our ideas.
It can seem odd but coming out at school gave me a lot less trouble than with my parents when they caught me in bed with a boy, but at this point I've never felt as good as now, regardless of my schoolmates, both boys and girls, who, after a first period when they acted silly with idiot sentences like "if you're going to the loo, it'll be better for me go another time...". In the end they all accepted us.
Being caught while I was making love with a boy!? What a mess! I was in the 4th year of junior high school, (two years ago). Carlo was sixteen and was already working. He was our next door neighbour. We knew each other since childhood. I would often go to play at his house, or he at mine, or both together to the church playground. He didn't like to study, and had to repeat the 3rd year several times and so, as soon as he was sixteen, started working.
His job was in a bar, from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. Then he came back home and usually came to my home, as my parents usually didn't come in until 7 p.m. So we watched TV, played games, and generally amused ourselves. We started to touch each other and, as one step leads to another, we ended with doing those sex things for real and it was incredibly good, because we also were somewhat affectionate.
But one day my father came home before the usual hour, as he had been taken suddenly ill and his foreman sent him back home. When we heard the door open, we tried to hurriedly dress, but my father understood everything and it started the Doomsday. As Carlo was older than me (just one year) my father wanted him to be sent in a reformatory but to avoid that, his family had to move far away. My father really behaved like a bastard.
Even though at first, I was only thinking of being forgiven, even at the price of swearing the most absurd things before God, after my father forced Carlo's family to disappear, I became steamed-up and yelled to my father that I was a faggot, and proud if being so, and that to have forced Carlo to go away would be of no use, as I intended to have sex with all the men and boys who would like fucking me in the arse. My mother tried to blackmail me by crying and playing the victim. My father (even though, I must say, differently than Stefano's father, never raised a hand on me) was instead trying to play the diehard.
But at the end, after a couple months of hell, my folks proposed me a kind of compromise, "As long as it is not generally known, you can do what the fucking hell you like!" Therefore a new tragedy happened as soon as they got to know, at once informed by our very diligent "Madam the Dean" that I became one of the activist of the Arci-gay in our school.
After all, my parents had given me grief, but it was not because they were bad, but they were not able to understand that being gay is no less normal and legitimate than being straight, and that after all, 'gay' and 'straight' are nothing but labels. They were now acting with me in a rather normal way, provided that I don't even hint at my "problem". Never mind. It's not easy to educate one's parents, or any other people that held such a distorted view. To them, knowing that I, their only child, was gay was akin to something like having a handicapped son - a piece of bad luck that one just had to tolerate.
Mum told me - I love you even though you are "so". Just as she would have said - "I love you even though you were a drug addict, a thief, or a murder".
When I pointed it out to her that she was making little difference, she answered - yes it is all the same.
Having met Stefano, then Leo, gave me back a lot of serenity, strength and confidence.
In the fist year of senior high school we changed practically all our teachers. The one teaching literature and language is a new one, just a greenhorn. He seems to be a likeable guy. He seems nicely built from what his clothing allows to guess. He is a really polite guy and doesn't seem to be a nuisance.
It was our fourth or fifth lesson with him, when Stefano asked leave to talk and when the literature Prof. made a sign that he could talk, he stood up and said, loud an clear, "As you are new to our school, I think it right that you know that Marco, Leo and I are gay activists."
The baby-Prof, who was listening to the preamble with a kind smile, didn't turn a hair and at once answered, "I've always admired those who struggles for what they are, even when their struggle for an ideal is different from mine."
Well, I sincerely didn't expect such an answer... so fair-minded of a teacher, and one that appeared so straight.
Then Leo asked him, "Can we then have a discussion about the gay condition here in the classroom, during your lesson hours?"
And the Prof. "If we are late with our lessons, we can't, but if we are in advance, why not? It just depends on you. All discussion can be useful if we respect the ideas of the others and if the subject is important. Sexuality is always an important subject, as it is an essential part of mankind."
I then asked him, "You are never scandalized by anything?" hoping he would tell us what was his thought about we three and out choices.
And he answered, becoming animated, "I'm scandalized by hypocrite people, racists, violent people, selfish people and all who are unable to love."
Good. I got the impression he is somebody with whom it is possible to reason, so I started to look at him with different eyes, I mean, I started to really like him.
The only point that riled me was that, last week, he told me, "Olivero Marco, I get the impression that you could do better than you are doing. I think you are clever, intelligent but that you are doing just the minimum. It's a pity. If you were more diligent, you could get really good marks."
I told him, "My father want me to become a doctor. I'm not at all interested in it, but I don't want to disappoint him. To me it is enough to get the minimum to pass. I don't want become a bookworm. I'm young, and I want to enjoy my youth without wasting it on things that may be of no use to me."
He just answered, "I understand, but it is a pity." He never spoke of it again as the other Profs. would do. This is one more point why I like this baby-Prof.
I think he is twenty-five, he has long, manicured and tapered hands, like those of a pianist. He is tall, just a finger less than me. He has blue eyes, beautiful long eyelashes, a straight mouth but with the ends that fold upwards as soon as he starts smiling. This gives him a likeable expression. He has soft, smooth thick brown hair, lighter than mine. He always dresses with elegance but without exaggeration. Somewhat casual, merry, likeable. Yes, likeable.
When he explains something, he is able to be interesting and it's clear he believes in what he says. Being his first year as a teacher, he is rather exceptional - he speaks clearly, we can understand all he says, he is absolutely not boring but I don't think he is a guy you can easily take for a ride. He has a good sense of humour too!
I think that Stefano is has a small crush on the Prof. He never studied as much literature as he does now with the new Prof. When I asked Stefano if he would like to have sex with him, he just answered, "Why, wouldn't you?" I didn't really think about it until up to then, but I think I would have liked doing it at least once, just for a try. Who knows how he is in bed? Hot, cold, lazy, frenzied... I really can't imagine it. He also wears soft clothing so that one cannot determine if he has a big, medium or disappointing cock. It's true that the size is not so important, the main thing is how one uses it.
According to Leo, the Prof. is straight. Stefano says we cannot tell.
I would like to discover that, but I'm sure it would be useless just asking him.
When he is with us, he always treats us with the same kindness, both boys and girls. I can't detect any difference. Is it possible that he can be bisexual?
I think that our PE teacher is a repressed gay. He always talks about women, about his girlfriend, but at times he looks at us with much too interest, but he is not my type. He's to much a mister muscle and he is not too clever. Well, he's not really dumb. Other than talking about sports , there is no communication, no reasoning. Moreover he always uses platitudes. He seems so keen to be liked and that rather upsets me.
On the contrary, professor Cordero is always spontaneous and likeable without making efforts to be so. Time will tell as we have just started the new school year. Certainly his blue eyes are beautiful. They remind me the eyes of Elio, the boy with whom I had sex at the sea-side after Carlo disappeared.
I miss Elio a little. We still write to each other. He was a bomb. Looking at him, so very quiet, you couldn't foresee what hurricane he was in bed! He's twenty years old, he had plenty of experience and I never got tired having sex with him. We met in a disco. Not a gay disco. He was just dancing near me and looked at me, looked at me...
Then he said, "Do you know that you dance really well? You move in a sexy way."
So we started to chat and discovered that we both were stopping at the same hotel. And he was alone. We went back to the hotel at 4 a.m.
When we said goodbye in the corridor he kissed me (just a little kiss, I mean) and said, "I'm happy to have met you. If you'll come to wake me tomorrow, we can go to the seashore together." as he handed me his room number.
Well, around ten o'clock, I went and knocked on his door and he yelled, "Come in!" and in less than five minutes I was in his bed and we made love... up until to lunch time!
We made love every day that month, we didn't skip so much as one day. I think that my father and mother knew but they pretended not to. They were somewhat cold and distant towards Elio, although not really impolite. With Carlo it had been a friendship coloured with sexual games. With Elio it was sheer sex, really great. We always made love in his room, almost always in the morning, the windows fully open and in total freedom. We only had sex once on the seashore, at 2am. It's a pity that Elio lives 400 kilometres away. I can possibly go to visit him for Xmas.
Our literature teacher has the same eyes than Elio. Who knows if he has the same fire in bed?
Last Saturday I went to a gay disco with Leo, his boyfriend Tony, and Stefano. Stefano hooked onto a hunk straight away. I was thinking that I may remain alone but, just before closing time a guy on his thirties, or a little less, hooked me. We went to his studio. Not bad at all, even though he was only a top, but he was skilled with his mouth and made me come many times with it . We made a date for next Saturday, at the same gay disco, but I don't think I will start anything serious with him. He is way too a posh chap, too much middle class, when we aren't in his bed.
In a 'bed' relationship it doesn't matter. Does it? Anyway for the moment it's alright, better than nothing.
If our literature teacher liked boys, I think I would like better being with him if he was skilled in bed. At times, while he is explaining something, I look at his lips and fantasize about being naked with him and imagine slipping my dick between those lips. I get such a hard-on. The funny thing is, that I'm not really able to imagine him naked. Who knows how he is? Possibly disappointing. Who knows how he would react if he knew what passes through my mind? Possibly he too, in spite of his air of innocent, has undressed us in his fantasies and fucks around with us, even thought he doesn't give that impression. He's different to the PE Prof. He always undresses us with his eyes, in spite of always talking of pussies.
Anyway it's clear that at least half of the girls in our classroom have a crush for Professor Cordero.
Yesterday evening Leo showed me the last issue of Gay Italia. There is a porno-model who could resemble to our literature Prof. If Cordero had such a body, there would be something to lick one's chops about, something to get hot over. I'm certain that when Stefano sees those pictures, he will beat his meat in front of the magazine dreaming of being with our Prof.
Leo is surely lucky being allowed to have his gay magazines at home without his folk getting on his nerves. He can take his Tony home and make love to him. His parents know it and treat Tony as if nothing happened They have even invited him to spend Xmas holidays in their mountain house. They will even let him sleep in Leo's room. They will just add a bed. Leo is really a lucky chap. How good it would be if my parents were like that!
Stefano's parents are half way between my parents and Leo's. No, they are worse than mine, as they beat Stefano. It is true that Leo's folks, even though talking about Tony they always say "your boyfriend" as the most natural thing in the world, never did have a real interest in their son's life besides the material things. Leo feels them almost like aliens. No, he says - like distant relatives.
Well, one cannot have everything in one's life. It could possibly be better having parents who just mind their own business and let you do as you please. Or is it possible that the parents of our friends always seem to us better than ours, because we don't have to get bored with them all the day long, all life long.
Leo says, "They don't make me miss anything, but we have no communication no dialogue". I say "they always try to nose in my life, and always want me to behave as they want". Well, they are now leaving me in peace about my being gay, provided that I don't talk about it. The ostrich technique. Who knows if there are ideal parents? Ones who loves you, have a dialogue with you, accept your boyfriend as they would accept as if he were a girlfriend, and who lets you make your own mistakes without oppressing you? Is this just a dream?
Anyway in one year I will come of age. At this point I will possibly carry on my high school studies, but then I will look for a job, allowing me to go and live by myself. Or with my boyfriend, if I can find a guy worth sharing my life with, without just fucking.
Stefano introduced me to a couple of his friends, Sergio and Pino, a gay couple. They both are university students and live together. They both work and study. They are a really great couple, they have lived together for three years now. They have a small but nice attic downtown. Sergio is shop assistant at the Armani boutique and Pino works in a travel agency. They are studying together and do all the university tests together. This is a solution I would love.
A few days ago, our literature Prof. was explaining Dante Alighieri's "Love, that exempts no one beloved from loving". He made us see that the following lines "Seized me with pleasure of this man so strongly, that, as thou see-est, it doth not yet desert me" defines this love more as a carnal love than a spiritual one. So a discussion about love started.
Our Prof told us, "There is a theoretical concupiscence love that makes you say - you are mine. There is a theoretical donation love that makes you say - I am yours. Then there is a practical love swinging between those two kinds of love that when it finds a true balance, makes you say - "let's build our lives together."
Then Luisella said, "But the love for God is always a donation love."
The Prof said. "Also love for God can be a concupiscence love - I love God, therefore God ought to protect me. God can be felt as something we possess, towards which we have rights."
Then Leo said, "It seems that you are saying that concupiscence love is wrong."
And the Prof responded. "I think that none can totally be free from it, but I also think that if our love is solely a concupiscence love, it would be wrong. Wrong, because it treats the other as a propriety, as a possess, not as an autonomous being worthy of respect. Concupiscence love gives you only rights and no duties. It is a maimed kind of love. It is a kind of love denying to the other their liberty. A love not accepting the other as they are but who wants to bend them to their will, to their needs.
"Therefore, in the end, it is not even a real love. It makes of the other an object, an object for his own enjoyment, not only physical, a love that makes a slave of the other one. Both the carnal and the spiritual love, who very seldom are separated, can be a love of donation or of concupiscence."
I have to say that this made me think a lot. It would be fine to be to able to live a love being at one end, carnal and spiritual, and at the other end that of donation and of concupiscence, in a good balance and harmony. Who knows if when one has well understood what love is, he automatically becomes a perfect lover? Or else, one can preach one thing and practice another also when the subject is love?
I have a lot of concupiscence feeling towards Elio, a little bit of donation, very much carnal love and a shadow of the spiritual one. Yes, a lot of carnal concupiscence. I really like his body a lot, and his way of making love. I will go to meet him for Xmas and we will have great fucking sessions. It could not be love, but just the thought of it is giving me a good hard-on. "Seized me with pleasure of this man so strongly"... Very good Mr Dante! If our literature Prof. really had such a beautiful body like that porno-model, I too would be "seized with pleasure for that man so strongly"!
I'm afraid I'm a sex-maniac!
When I was a little boy, even before trying it with Carlo, and long before having any understanding of it, I wanted sex with men, I always felt attracted by the male nude, and above all being able to see a nice dick, preferably hard.
I remember when I was about ten years old, when uncle Mirko came to see us and was put to sleep in my room and I saw his dick. I was fascinated. I pretended to be already asleep, but spied on him while he was undressing. I though his tool was huge, even if now I think that mine is possibly bigger. I also remember that when I was thirteen, after a class in the gym, I always tried to be one of the last to shower, so I could do it at the same time as our coach. He was always going in and out of the shower stall totally naked, so I could enjoy the vision of his beautiful cock, hanging between his thighs, big as a ripe banana. These are the only two cocks I've seen before I started having sex. Even now I feel the desire to enjoy this kind of show.
Next summer I'd like to go to a nudist camping. I'd like to allow my eyes to wander and, possibly, gaze upon other bodies. Naturally, to enjoy the glances of other handsome guys as they stare upon my private parts. I think I am a nice view for the eyes of an expert. I can possibly be a little too much of a narcissus, but no, no way. Between looking and being looked at, if I had to make a choice, I would prefer to be able to look. Am I a selfish boy? Or just a peeping Tom? For instance, I never saw two men or boys making love. I think I would be really aroused if I could watch, especially if they were young and handsome like some of the models in Gay Italia.
And then, how good could it be having a threesome, a foursome... or more? Could it be great? Leo says he would never have a threesome. Especially now that he has his Tony, he doesn't want a third one with them to share in the fun.
Once Tony came to accompany Leo at our school. He had to enter later, and when they said goodbye, they exchanged a little kiss, there in front of all our school-mates. This gave me an odd feeling, but a good one. I was envious. Our class-mates didn't made fool remarks. Who knows what face our "Madam the Dean" would have done! And professor Cordero? He possibly would not have made a weird expression. I really don't think he would have done it as he is a clever guy.
I feel some envy for Leo, who has had a boyfriend for such a long time. They go steadily in love and harmony. Tony is a really sexy boy. I saw him once with just his briefs on. Besides the nice swelling in his tight underwear, he has a body you just feel like kissing it all over, or even better, to lick all of it. When he dances, his body seems to say " take me, here in the midst of the dancing floor", but his glances are only and always for Leo and vice versa. It seems as if they are making love with their eyes. Yes I really envy both of them. I also believe they never cheated on each other. About Leo I am sure, as he always tells me everything.
If I had a steady boyfriend, would I be faithful to him? Probably yes. Not as a principle, but if I were I love with him, I could also look at the others, possibly also have my fantasies, but I would never have sex with them. And what if, on he contrary, my boyfriend cheated on me? At least theoretically, I think I would let him have his adventures, as long as he doesn't neglect me. I'm not really sure. If this problem arises, I will see what my reaction will be. Anyway I think that jealousy is something absurd.
How does Cordero judge jealousy? Given the first chance, I'll ask him.
Cordero, Cordero, why aren't you gay?
And if he really is?
Cordero, Cordero, what are you hiding under our clothes?
Some jewels or... nothing? Smooth like a doll? Just think what a disappointment! Professor Cordero, an angelic being.
Or on the contrary, Professor Cordero, lascivious as a mandrill? Endowed like a stud bull?
Yes, I am possibly a real sex maniac!
CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 3
In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English translations, so that I can put on-line more of my stories in English please e-mail at
andrej@andrejkoymasky.com