Part 10
"Mom, dad, there is something you should know about Charlie and me. He, I, we're not just friends. I'm gay. He's my boyfriend."
"Yes, we know dear, that's allright. I'm glad you brought home such a nice boy as Charlie here. I think you two make a great couple."
My mother rudely disturbed my fantasy by asking Charlie if he had a girlfriend.
"No, not really," he said with a strange sort of smirk. He looked at me, disapproving, or perhaps just suffering under this lie. I shrugged. We had agreed that he was just a friend of mine, at least until I could find a convenient time to tell them. This was nonsense of course. There was no such thing as a convenient time. Not for something like this.
Fortunately Charlie was doing a good job at making small talk, so my parents didn't notice my absent-mindedness. Not that they would have otherwise. They had something else on their minds tonight, my mother had won a weekend in London in a lottery. Even Cyrill was exited about it. Charlie was now talking about Tower Bridge, the change of the guards. I fixed my eyes on the television screen and let my mind drift. Enough had happened today, a coming out to my parents was the last thing I needed.
Charlie followed me to the attic, where a spare mattress and the sleepingbags were kept. Here were also all the old games and toys of Cyrill and me. He looked around at it all as if he was very interested. I felt a bit shy suddenly, as if the things I used to play with could tell Charlie secret and important things about me. I dragged out the matress and passed it to him, but instead of pulling it to the staircase, he dropped it in the middle of the room. I looked at him, not understanding, and suddenly he grabbed hold of my arms.
"Let's do it," he said passionately.
"What?" I said, slow to catch on.
"Here, now, let's just do it." I looked at him, shocked.
"What? No, not here, are you nuts? What if they hear us, or see us? There's not even a door! They'll..." He pressed his mouth to mine, pretending not to hear. I struggled free.
"Oww, it's not fair!" he wined. "Menno has already sucked your dick and I have never even seen it. I wanna do it!" I was starting to feel angry. Charlie was acting like a child, when all I wanted was just to sleep. It was past eleven. I had lectures in the morning, and so did he.
"Well not here," I said, pulling free from his grip. I took two sleeping-bags and threw them down the stairs.
"Can we do it tonight then, in your room?" he asked.
"No, I already told you, my parents bedroom is directly under mine. They'll hear us. I can always hear them..."
"We'll be really quiet," he begged. "Wait, you mean you can hear your parents when they're..."
"Help me with the matress, will you?" He helped me carry it off the stairs to my bedroom.
"Are you mad at me?" he asked, still sounding like a little boy. I sighed.
"No, yes, I just want you to stop whining. We're not going to have sex tonight. It's too risky. Besides, whatever happened to making our first time something really special, hm?"
"That died when you let Menno suck your dick," he sulked.
"No, I still want it to be something special," I begged. "If you'll just wait for the right time, it'll be so great. Really. You can have all of me, you can have my rosebud."
"What?"
"My cherry."
"Uh, you mean..." He looked really shy suddenly. I wondered what was wrong, but didn't say anything. "I, er, I've never done that," he admitted finally. "I mean, well, I tried, but it really hurt and so... Well, we don't have to do that. I mean, I appreciate the offer but, no thanks." I didn't understand this. At all.
"But, I want it."
"Yeah, no, I just said it hurts," he said impatiently. "It's painful allright, and I don't want to hurt you."
"But, what... oh!" I was tired with this whole discussion. When did this whole sex-thing get so darn complicated? "Look, never mind, allright? We're not gonna do it tonight anyway, we can argue about this later. I'm going to brush my teeth now and have a shower, and if you'll be a good boy and get in bed I'll read you a bedtime story when I come back." He smiled, and looked at the floor.
"Er, ok."
I gave him a quick kiss, and went to the bathroom.
I thought of all this while I was in the shower. I was really puzzled that Charlie had never really fucked anyone. It was strange, especially since he was supposed to be the great one-night-stand champion. Was there some part of this story that they hadn't told me about yet? Perhaps the whole thing about a "special" first time had been just some kind of trick, like Menno said. I still believed in it though. I wanted my first time with Charlie to be something special. I loved him. Besides, I wanted a good first experience, if only to make up for the first. Does that make sense? Well, it was how I felt right then. It would be hard to sleep in the same room with him and not do something. Maybe we could just cuddle, and kiss. Maybe we could be real quiet, or maybe we could sneak to the attic... I wasn't thinking clearly. I should jack off before I went back to my room, where he was. Jacking off in the shower used to be an almost daily ritual for me, I can do it swiftly and soundlessly.
But when I got back to my room, dressed only in a bathrobe, the lights weren't even on. Quietly, I closed the door behind me, and sneaked 'round to Charlie's head. He was asleep, lying on his side, with his bare arm on top of the blankets. His skin looked incredibly smooth in the dim light from the street, the shadows made his face look even more fine. I realised this was the first time I saw him without his glasses on. He looked very different, softer, although that might have been because he was asleep. He didn't look much like the strict teacher who made me kiss in public and shout "I love you" to a whole bus. Much more like the little boy of today: "I wanna do it NOW!"
I had stared at him for a while before the thought hit me that he might not be asleep at all, only pretending. Maybe he was hoping I would touch him, thinking he was asleep. The thought bothered me a little, and I quickly got in bed. I whispered him goodnight, and getting no reply, I tried to fall asleep. This was harder than it seemed. I kept thinking of him, and my parents. And my sister, who knew, and though she had promised not to tell, perhaps she would... I thought I could hear Charlie sigh, and listened very closely. I couldn't hear him breathe, perhaps he was holding his breath. Was he moving? I couldn't see in the dark. Was he masturbating under his sleepingbags? I waited if I could hear him again, the slightest sound, but I didn't hear anything, and eventually, I did fall asleep.