A PROMISE AND A CURSE by Stefan
http://stefan680.tripod.com/stefanstories/
CHAPTER NINE, Part 2
The world was out of focus and light penetrated his eyelids. A pulled curtain, a crucifix over the door and a heavy blanket over his body. His groping hands searched for his watch. It lay upon the night stand. Moaning, Sebastian opened his eyes and deciphered the time. It was shortly before 11 a.m. His head felt thick and numb and he was terribly thirsty.
Carefully he rose, noticed he was naked except his underwear and stumbled out of the door in search of the bathroom. This wasn't his hotel room he recognized so he stood undecided in the corridor when another door opened.
Sebastian wiped his eyes and focused his gaze on a young man with brown hair that fell onto his forehead, almost into his eyes. Brown with golden spots ... he remembered instantly. Leandro. Eyes like a bog, deep and greenish brown. The lips smiled.
"Sebastiano! Uncle Emilio told me that you're here again." He stopped when he saw Sebastian swaying slightly. "You feel bad?" He grinned. His uncle had told him that Sebastian drank too much yesterday evening so he guided him to the bathroom.
Moaning, Sebastian closed the door behind him and sat upon the toilet lid. Jesus Christ, when was the last time he had felt this bad? With trembling hands he turned on the water and drank from his hollowed hand. He couldn't stop drinking so he ripped down his underwear and stepped into the tub where he turned on the shower.
The water was ice cold and he gasped. But after a while his head was getting clear again. Leandro. He tried to remember what Emilio said last night. He was constantly speaking of me? Couldn't forget me?
He looked for a towel and took the next best. Then he examined his stubbled face in the mirror and his tired eyes. Not exactly the best condition to show up in front of Leandro. Oh well.
With the towel around his waist he opened the door again and bumped into the waiting Leandro. He had folded his arms in front of his chest and was apparently waiting for him.
"Bon giorno. Feeling better now?"
Sebastian grinned, embarrassed and tried to vanish into the room again but Leandro followed. "You slept in my bed." he said.
"Oh." Sebastian turned. He had forgotten his underwear in the bathroom and stepped now from one foot to the other. "Um, you know, I'm sorry for this." Then he rushed out of the room and shut the bathroom door behind him. There he quickly put on his briefs and felt like an idiot.
Leandro was still waiting in his room. "We didn't see you for so long. But I thought about you very often," Leandro said softly. He examined Sebastian's underwear and a small smile twisted his lips. Sebastian dressed as fast as he could. He felt uneasy under Leandro's staring looks.
"So?" he managed to say. "Where's your aunt? And what are you doing here? I thought you would be at work already."
"It's Saturday."
"Oh." Sebastian nodded.
"What have you planned for today? We could make a trip." Leandro suggested.
"Well." He had an idea. "We could go to the archaeological area if you don't mind."
Leandro beamed. "Yeah, sure. Now come, you must be hungry."
Actually Sebastian wasn't but he wouldn't refuse a strong coffee.
"Have you heard about a Pacher altar?" Sebastian knelt in the grass and dug a bit in the heavy sand.
"A Pacher altar? What have you to do with that?"
"I thought you probably had heard. Could have been." He looked at Leandro who knelt beside him. "My cousin is missing one," Sebastian related.
"Your cousin has a Pacher altar? Why isn't it in a museum? I thought everything of his would be in a museum."
Sebastian sighed. He didn't know why he asked, perhaps just to say something.
He felt the young man's quizzical eyes. He had to call Kay as soon as possible. He couldn't stand those eyes. Leandro was a lovely man but this was too ... what was it? Sebastian stood up and looked over the area. The archaeologists had found here all the box shaped urns, bronze buckets with claw feet, coins, jugs and even the "Ombra della Sera" but apparently there was nothing for him that could help him further.
"What are you actually looking for?"
"For something from the Villanova people."
"So? Wy didn't you say so earlier? Didn't uncle Emilio say that we have got some new pieces we haven't examined yet? Perhaps that's what you're looking for?" He took Sebastians hand and walked with him through the small paths leading into the town. Sebastian felt awkward to go hand in hand with the young man but he didn't pull his hand away. At those midday time there wasn't any people on the streets and the few tourists didn't notice.
Leandro opened the door to the examination room and lifted a cloth from a table. Sebastian saw a Kyathos, a draw mug with carved animal motifs amongst others. It had a shiny metal surface, almost black, but it was clay. "Bucchero pottery", Sebastian muttered.
"Yeah, but look here." Leandro's finger pointed to an inscription.
"Mini muluvanike venel vhlakunaie" Sebastian read out loud. "What's that?"
"We don't know yet. You know it's difficult to decipher the Etruscan language but this doesn't sound like that. We're working at it."
Sebastian carefully turned the mug in his hands. Too bad he couldn't take it with him right now and one of the pieces of clay they found in Rome he had left in his hotel room. "Can I come back Monday to do some examinations, please?" He looked at Leandro. "I have a piece of clay in my hotel room we found at the Palatine Hill in Rome. I'd like to match it with these here."
Leandro nodded. "No problem, but why don't you pick it up now. The museum is closed over noon. We have time."
Sebastian nodded slowly. Actually not a bad idea. "Wait for me?"
"Sure."
Back in his hotel room he dialed Daniel's number. He waited a long time before he heard his cousin's voice.
"Danny? It's me."
"Bastian! Great that you call, I had your working place on the phone, telling me that you're in Volterra. Kay wanted to speak to you."
"Yes?" Sebastian beamed. "Can you get him to the phone?"
"Can't, dear. He's sleeping. Caught a bad cold. I had to call the doctor, it began out of the blue, you know.
"Oh shit, is it bad?"
"Yeah, tonsillitis. But I'll tell him you called."
"Too bad. I wanted to ask him if he'd come to me. If he wants to that is. How is he? Still cross with me?"
"Well ... " Daniel didn't know what to say. "I don't think so. He recovered you know." Daniel's heart pounded painfully and the implications of what they did two days ago hit him like a punching bag. It had been most selfish of him to allow Kay and himself to share the night. But for heaven's sake you're all one company of sluttish, selfish men.
"Danny? Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm ok if you're talking about my state of health."
Sebastian wondered about the remark. "Well, when he's awake, tell him I miss him. Perhaps I will be able to solve the riddle of the Palatine."
"Good to hear, keep me informed, yes?"
"Could be that I'll pick Kay up when I'm finished here, tell him please."
"I will, take care of yourself. Let me hear from you." Daniel hung up and felt bad. After a glance into Kay's room, finding him still sleeping, he decided to go into town and pick up Kay's medication.
As he rode downhill on his bike, he passed a little Fiat. He jumped as it began to honk it's horn and he swayed upon the bike. Angry, he got off and wanted to grumble when he saw who stepped out of the car. "Roberto?" he asked in disbelief.
Roberto kept a straight face and stretched out his hand. "Myself." His blue eyes blinked as he haltingly began to smile.
"What are you doing here all of a sudden? Thought we're through." Daniel didn't know if he should be pleased or annoyed. Their affair had been a hot one and the parting hurt the more. He didn't want to go through it again. But Roberto's eyes were still of a heavenly blue and his body inviting.
"Pa said I should ask for work again, you know I'm so bored with the restaurant."
Daniel remembered that he worked as a waiter and was always complaining about that. Spoiled brat, he thought. "I've sold the apple plantation," he said coolly.
Roberto blinked again. "Why? It was fun to work for you."
Involuntarily Daniel began to grin. "I have the feeling you enjoyed it." He winked. "Now, what do you seriously want? You didn't make the long trip from Rome up here to tell me that you want to work for me? You know the harvest is in September, eh?" He thought quickly. "Wait a moment, I'll take the bike back and you can give me a lift to town, ok?"
Roberto nodded and watched Daniel driving up to his castle again. What am I supposed to tell him? He thought. Apparently it was a stupid idea to go to Daniel - cheeky in addition. But both had had a lovely time indeed last year and Danny was a nice man ... so why not?
It didn't take long until Daniel entered the car. "Drop me out at the pharmacy. Have to pick up few things." He watched Roberto's profile. "Now, what brought you to me again? I remember last time you said that you can't stand the backwater here. Too many old and ill people, so what changed your mind?"
"Couldn't forget you?" Roberto suggested and Daniel gave him a sharp look.
"You're kidding me."
"No." Roberto's voice cajoled. "Daniele, I never forgot you." He put his hand upon Daniel's knee. Daniel felt little electrical impulses rushing through his body. He tried to shake them off.
"Stop it," he said low. "If you think you can renew our relationship you're wrong. If you're in need of work, you must look for a job elsewhere, not here."
Roberto said nothing. Too bad he didn't take Andrea's offer to share the money. Well, it wasn't too late for that. The handing over of the altar went well and soon he should receive a cheque. Or the account Giorgio had promised him. Unfortunately Andrea had left Meran to follow the older man.
The car reached the city and passed the pedestrian precinct. The flower beds stood in full bloom, azaleas and rhododendron, pansies and Judas trees.
"Wait for me? We can have lunch. Be right back." Daniel jumped out of the car and entered the pharmacy.
"Hope you aren't ill," Roberto said when Daniel came back.
"Not me. But I have a friend up there who caught a bad cold." He looked at his watch. "Forget about the restaurant and come with me. Perhaps he's awake and needs me."
"A friend?" He looked suspiciously but Daniel did nothing more than nod.
In the meantime, Kay walked down to the kitchen to make himself something to drink when he heard Daniel coming back. He turned curiously when he heard a foreign voice. "I'm here" he croaked. His throat hurt terrible and the doc had forbidden him to speak actually.
"Why aren't you in bed?" Daniel scolded him and rushed him out of the kitchen and upstairs to his room. "I met an old friend of mine. Are you hungry?"
He studied the box of tablets and put one into a glass of water. "Here, every six hours. You look feverish."
"An old friend of yours?"
"Yeah, nothing important," Daniel lied. "Oh, by the way, Sebastian called and asked for you."
"Oh yes? And? Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Stupid. I'm to tell you that he misses you. Perhaps he will come to pick you up when he finishes his work in Volterra. Like that idea?"
Kay nodded and drank the water. Actually he felt like shit and was happy that Sebastian didn't see him in this condition. His nose was running like mad and Daniel tossed him a big box of tissues. "Ok, I'll leave the ward. When you need something call me. Guess you're hungry?"
"No." Kay's voice was weak. "Just want to sleep some more." His eyes closed. "Tell me about your friend when he's gone."
Daniel smiled indulgently and silently closed the door. He was relieved that Kay made up his mind and forgave Sebastian his stupid mistake. Apropos stupid mistakes ... let's hope the whole calamity doesn't start again when Kay tells Sebastian what happened here two nights before. He had urged him to tell Sebastian about it, otherwise they would have the same situation as before.
Shaking his head he went downstairs to find Roberto in the kitchen. He had taken spaghetti from the pantry, and was chopping tomatoes. Beside it Daniel saw thick slices of bread, fennel, onions, oil and aceto. Roberto beamed. "Guess you missed my panzanella salad, didn't you?"
Daniel grinned. "Of course I did - sometimes." Somehow Daniel felt like in the old days when Roberto had shared the castle with him and behaved like a little whirlwind in his life. He sure was a spoiled brat but he could be very lovely, letting Daniel hardly have time to take a deep breath and to ponder about the use.
"Where do you stay?" Daniel asked.
"Little Pensione." He couldn't tell him about Giorgio's house in the hills.
"You haven't got much money, right? Well, you could stay here for the night."
"And your friend? Where is he?"
"Upstairs, sleeping again."
Roberto finished his chopping. "Your lover?"
"No." The answer came too quickly so Roberto gave him a curious look.
"All right. I'll accept the offer." He turned again and grinned.
"Want to tell me about your boyfriends?" Ben asked quietly. They sat upon the couch in Kay's old flat overlooking the museum's area which was softly illuminated by the early evening hour. "Boyfriends?" Simon tasted the word on his tongue as it would be the wrong term. He still felt weak and was glad that Ben was there for him although he had to leave him each morning to go to the academy. As promised, Ben would take some days off very soon but since Simon didn't feel too well they had decided that it would be too exhausting for him to drive around so they settled for the new flat. Simon enjoyed it anyway. He shifted a bit. "No, can't remember." He hesitated. "Yes, I can remember. All of them. Sometimes they come back to me in nightmares." "I'll be here now." Ben said soothingly. He still didn't ask him about the strange photos he had found and was most unsure if he should bring up the topic. "You know all those men. I have had enough of it. I told you before that it isn't about living out horniness, I sold myself one time too often. You understand?" Ben wasn't sure if he meant Frank so he remained silent. "I was in Hamburg after Marcus and I broke up. I couldn't stand the presence of my parents. Surely I could have taken my own flat in Berlin but I wanted to be as far away from them as possible. I had money enough from my account to have found a nice flat for myself." Simon fell silent. He couldn't remember the names of all his boyfriends he had. Boyfriends. He valued once more the taste of this name on his tongue. Of course they were boyfriends in a rapid changing way but they were boyfriends nonetheless and Simon had hung their hearts on them as far as it was possible for him. Perhaps he had lost a little piece of his heart everytime so that there wasn't much left now for Ben. He shook his head. He certainly did read too much recently. Everytime he fell in love but couldn't hold on. Or they couldn't hold on. Perhaps a man's life is ruled by his cock but where's the place for heart and soul then? He looked at Ben who had his eyes closed. He was sure that Ben's first intention was to make him happy but he hadn't figured out yet the reason for this. Certainly it couldn't be Simon's charming personality. He wasn't that charming. Was he? "One night I met a man in a bar. Joachim, shortly Jo. He was much older than Marcus but I didn't object. He was ... " What was he? A gentleman? That would hit the nail only partly. Sure he was cultivated but he had very irritating traits, a sly look, a clever behaviour and when Simon learned that he had connections to Hamburg's underworld it was much too late. Simon had fallen in love again. Briefly he remembered his diary he was writing. Perhaps he would give it to Ben to read and this would be explanation enough. "He was clever you know. Told me that I'm the boy he searched for so long. Good looking, saucy and careless. He owned several night bars with strippers and prostitutes, not only male ones but with a mixed audience as well. I didn't object. He had money that was all I had been interested in." That was a lie, he thought. I did like him and that he had money was a nice bonus. "Really?" Ben interrupted. "Not really, I could lead the life I once led with Marcus. He was nice to me, promised me everything if I stayed with him." "Must have really been in love with you." Simon smiled weakly. "Don't think so. You know, after some months he made me a proposal. He knew that I was a randy lad so I had nothing against entertaining to some of his friends too." Ben's head turned in surprise. "Entertaining some of his friends too?" he repeated. "You slept with them to please this Jo?" Simon nodded. "The photos," Ben muttered all of a sudden. "Huh?" Ben shifted upon the couch to look fully into Simon's face. "I didn't tell you but I found photos amongst your clothing as I packed the suitcases." "Oh. Yes." Simon seemed to be embarrassed. "I took some of them with me, don't know why. You guess the rest?" "Jo took the photo's, yes? And video's as well? But why?" "Some of the men were hot shots in politics and science. Don't know exactly. They all paid to hide it from their families, wives, etc." "You knew it?" "No. At first I didn't know. Jo took the photos from a one side mirror so I had no clue. Then he told me but it was too late. He used me but I didn't say no." No, I didn't say no - first, Simon mused. He focused his gaze upon the classic building down on the isle. The men were nice, they had money and it was far from being as disgusting as all the fucks he found on the streets later with Oliver. And he never had so much sex in his entire life. Some of them were really shy and he had to teach them about the right use of their hands, tongue and cocks. Simon sighed and almost grinned at the recollection. "And then?" Simon shrugged his shoulders. "One day I had enough, that's all." "But, I don't understand. You blackmailed those men and you weren't afraid to go? I mean you're in Jo's hands. What if he had followed you?" "He was in my hands as well." Ben nodded and shook his head at the same time. What a world. He cleared his throat before he said, "How many men had it been? Many?" "Too many." But the worst was still to come after he returned to Berlin and got Rene's call for an AIDS test. It was the time when Simon lost the ground under his feet. Jo had urged him to use a condom always so the men weren't in highly danger but, to be serious, this didn't bother him in the least. His brother and the connections to his old life in Berlin had been cut and he didn't want them to know the state he was in. He was too ashamed. Nobody should know, neither his parents, nor his brother and in no way Marcus. "After my return to Berlin, I found Rene again in a bar. He was the one who called me to tell me that he's HIV positive. So I went for a test of my own. The rest you know. Well almost." He thought about Oliver. Ben had no clue about him. "I don't know the rest. Why you had to go on the streets selling your body? Why didn't you ever call your brother?" "What difference would that have made? I was positive too, nobody in the whole world can help me. I lived from day to day, spent money where I could until my credit card was canceled. Didn't pay the bill. Sure that would have been the time for a call, but I didn't do it." "You're a dickhead." Ben sighed. "I know." "You never heard from Jo again?" Simon shook his head. "How could he find me in this big town?" "You said he was sort of a boss of the underworld, Mafia? Mafioso have their connections." "I don't mind, Ben. The matter never came up. So I don't waste a thought about it." Ben sighed once more. He felt a bit sick and didn't know what to say. Simon looked at him and lifted his head. "I have no idea why you care about me," he whispered. Certainly I'm a piece of shit. "Fishing for compliments, huh?" Ben croaked. "How can I tell my heart to stop loving you?" "Loving me?" Simon smiled. "You aren't serious, are you?" Ben nodded. I'll try to put up with it, I promise. I lived a life that's enough for two lives and I'm only 23." Ben laughed bitterly. "Yeah, you did." "I'm glad you're with me," Simon was still whispering. He loosened the clip of Ben's ponytail and dug his fingers into the black hair. "I'm looking forward to your holidays. Your teacher doesn't object?" "No. I told her my aunt is ill and I had to visit her in another town." "So? Then we shouldn't get caught in town. A good reason to spend the holidays in bed." His dark eyes sparkled. That was the Simon Ben liked so much. He giggled and grabbed Simon's hand which still rumpled his hair. He pulled him even closer to his body and pressed his lips upon Simon's until they opened and allowed his tongue to slip in. At the same time he felt Simon's fingers open the zip of his jeans, creeping into the waistband of his pants, searching for his penis, stroking it and bringing it to full erection. Ben moaned into Simon's mouth, opened his legs wider but Simon pulled back his hand. Without a word he broke the kiss and motioned Ben to lift his butt to pull down the trousers, then he bent down and his head vanished between Ben's legs. Ben threw his head back, leaned it on the sofa and enjoyed the attention. Certainly it felt good ... Ben's face muscles jerked involuntarily. Not only good, it felt fantastic. Simon knew what he did ... what he had to do to please his customer. Ben's body tensed and he opened his eyes wide. He looked down, saw Simon's rosy tongue working his shaft so skillfully, licking the droplets, swallowing the head of his cock, circling around and at the most sensitive spot beneath the crown that Ben shivered while Simon's fingers played softly with his uncovered balls. Customer. He blinked and took the glasses from his nose to lay them aside. Customer. Simon breathed heavily through his nose, giving approval sounds. Perhaps his customers like to hear this to increase their own arousal. Ben dug his fingers into Simon's dark curls and lifted them from his forehead. His penis had vanished into Simon's sucking mouth. A long time trained action. Clear and clinical. Simon pulled at Ben's legs and Ben slid down the sofa, spreading his legs even more so Simon now had full access to his butt hole. His fingers crept forward under the balls, rubbing the way slightly with his short fingernails and Ben inhaled sharply as a finger penetrated, poked forward, searching and finding. Ben's cock twitched in Simon's mouth. Velvet and warm, covered with saliva, slippery and throbbing in the same rhythm as his arsehole now ... Customer. How much Simon usually got for this attention? What was the price for a blow job like this? What was the price when he lifted his arse high in the air, offered it for hundreds of cocks. Ben's outcry was painful when he came and Simon dropped his penis immediately, looking up scared. Ben's semen squirted uncontrollably into his face and he wiped it. "What happened? Did I hurt you? Simon rose and bent over Ben's twisted face. He stroked his cheeks until Ben opened his eyes again. "Say something, Ben." "I'm all right," Ben's voice was hoarse. "I just had to think about..." "About what?" Simon wiped his face again with the sleeve of his shirt and smeared the remains of Ben's semen over his penis. It was a feather light touch and lovingly. "I'm sorry if I did something wrong," he said. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just ... it's ... " He couldn't tell him what he was thinking. He wasn't sure what Simon did when they made love, was it because he loved Ben or was it out of sheer habit? With the only exception that he wasn't paid for it? But Simon's face was innocent in this very moment and relaxed. Then a shadow flitted over it. "You thought about how often I did it to other men, right? Is it the reason for your ... pain?" Ben could only nod and a sudden cramp filled his stomach. Simon sat beside him and pulled him into his arms. His hand again found its way to Ben's limp penis and stroked it. But he remained silent. "I just can't help it," Ben said low, "it came to my mind." "It's ok. You must hate me for my past." "I don't hate you" Ben said tired. "It's just still the shock about what you told me right now." "Shock? You didn't look like you were shocked. I thought you would have a little understanding." Ben rose and looked soberly at Simon. "I'm not sure if I understand you. It makes me somewhat sick." He dropped his gaze and Simon was seriously hurt. "You're disgusted, confess", he said aloud. "I shouldn't have told you then. I thought I could trust you. I ... Nobody knows about it, I was too ashamed to tell, but I thought ... " his voice trailed off. But Ben couldn't bring himself to say something soothing. So Simon stood and silently left the room. Ben sat there in a daze for a moment, then he lifted his pants and trousers and followed Simon out of the room. He found him in the other room where Ben had gathered all his painting and pottery utensils. Simon stood in front of a potter's wheel and a chunk of clay. Ben had prepared it to work with it. He left Simon alone and looked instead at the painting Marcus had made of Simon and had sent over to Simon's old flat several weeks ago. Ben had brought it when he packed Simon's stuff. He studied the naked body who held a soft towel in front of his genitals, the round orbs of his butt sticking out, up to the face with the cheeky grin and the two deep dimples. This was another Simon. A healthy Simon. A mentally carefree Simon. His eyes wandered back to the real Simon standing there, looking down, his shoulders hanging. Silently he stepped closer and embraced him from behind. He leaned his head against Simon's soft curls and sniffed the scent. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Give me time to understand, will you?" Simon didn't move. "I don't want you to feel pity for me," he said muffled. Ben moaned silently. "I don't feel pity for you." Well, a bit, he thought. "Please drop that pittyness theme. You said it before and I think it's becoming pathological at your side." He tried to turn Simon to look him in the face. Simon let it happen. His eyes were a bit puffy from unshed tears and Ben was surprised. He never had thought that Simon could cry. "Forget your past. It's over. Let's try to begin a new life, yes?" "But you're the one who can't forget the past!" "Me? Well, you'd just told me about your past and I had to react somehow. Perhaps my reaction was wrong but I couldn't help it. I said I'm sorry for it." Ben's eyes began to sparkle in anger. He didn't bring his glasses and Simon marvelled over the clear, hazelnut colour. He couldn't let loose of Ben anymore he thought out of the blue. He was too involved now, wasn't he? Start a new life! How could he say that? Had he forgotten that Simon was doomed to die sooner or later? "We all have to die." Simon's eyes widened. "You read my mind." "Of course. You think because you're infected, your life is over or something. You don't have to care anymore about you and the feelings of others. If this is the case you can go and live your life in a desert as a hermit where you won't meet any people you can hurt." Simon wanted to get free but Ben's grip was strong. "But if you decide to stay here with me, you have to begin a new life. Jesus, you're not that ill, you survived the hepatitis and it seems as if you'll be all right completely. You won't die tomorrow, next week nor in the next few years. Understand finally! That is, if you take care of yourself of course. So all I want to ask you is to give attention to my feelings too. I don't mind what you did in Hamburg." Ben paused a second. "I mean, when I worked it out finally. Give me a few days and I will try to understand. I'm sure I will. And I don't want to hear any other horror stories. They are over." He glared intently into Simon's eyes and Simon didn't blink. Perhaps it was that moment when he realized that there would be other things for him to live for. Ben's try to shake him of his self pity feelings succeeded slowly. For now. "So, is it a deal?" Ben asked. Simon nodded and wrapped his arms around Ben's body. He buried his face into the angle between Ben's neck and shoulder. Again 'perhaps' was a nice word to think. But still he was convinced that Ben was simply too good for him. "You don't think I'm too dirty to touch?" he asked indistinctly. "Rubbish. I guess I proved the contrary already, didn't I?" Ben was feeling like he had a hurt animal in his arms. And he wasn't quite sure if Simon was serious. But he would give it a try. It was too good to feel his body, to have him around and he lived for the hours when Simon completely forgot about his illness and was the carefree lad he always had been. He would fight for that these hours would expand to weeks and months. He vowed it to himself. Simon lifted his head from Ben's shoulder and looked him directly in the eyes. "Yeah, you proved. So what do we do with the first day of my brand new life?" His mouth twisted into that impish grin which matched the grin in his portrait on the wall and Ben's heart skipped a beat. Perhaps he was too charmed by those grins ... No, somewhere under the hard shell must have been Simon's soft side. After all Marcus must have seen and loved it. And he would find it, yes. Ben nodded to himself. Simon was still waiting for an answeer. "I could cook for you on our first day of your new life. Think you should have something proper to eat." "Gosh, no mashed potatoes and apple puree!" Ben laughed. "No. Guess I'll find something better." He took Simon's hand and went with him into the kitchen. Kay didn't have much equipment there, but the microwave was useful Ben thought. He never had one but it shouldn't be that difficult to handle. Something dropped into his mind. "What about Marcus' money? You know we wouldn't be able to hold the flat when Kay wouldn't still pay for it. But what about all the other things?" "Kay's my brother, but to take money from Marcus is a different thing." "Geez, why are you so complicated? When Marcus had offers, you can take it. Why not? He has enough money." "I don't want to swallow my pride for all eternity." Ben turned surprised. "So that's the reason? But you never hesitated to take the money from your parents. Isn't it the same? Look, Marcus is still a friend. He loves you, I know it. Well, in a different way now I think, but nevertheless. It's not an alms. It's friendship." Simon raised his eyebrows. Perhaps Ben was right. Friendship. "I suppose you don't want to sell stuff for your future life? Remember, a new life has begun. So if you don't want to take Marcus' money we have to make plans. What have you learned?" "Nothing." "Ah! Nothing. Fine." Ben plopped down in the kitchen chair and pulled Simon to the other. "Kay also didn't learn anything and yet he found a job as sales clerk at Cerruti's shop. And I don't think they would take everybody from the street." "Perhaps he fucked the owner." Ben grinned. "Yeah, he would do that, wouldn't he." "So you want me to play hawker, offering myself for nothing? What can I do? Clean the streets, join the dustmen, but I think I'm to weak for that. What else? I can't even clean windows. Selling newspapers, yes, but then I would have to get up very early in the morning, fancy that?" "Go back to school." "School? I hate school. And what shall I learn?" "Aren't you interested in something? You were reading a lot recently." "Yeah." Simon enjoyed it more than he would confess. He was not simply reading, he had swallowed the books. He had begun to write sort of a diary every evening, unnoticed by Ben. The beginning had been difficult for him but now it became his usual habit and he quite enjoyed it. He even thought that he wasn't that bad at writing. It sorted his thoughts and feelings and his brain was sharp enough to analyse them like a surgeon's scalpel. "And?" Ben asked. "I enjoyed it." "I watched you writing every evening." "You did?" Simon exclaimed. "I thought you wouldn't know." "I know. What are you writing? Diary?" "Well, not exactly." His voice was almost timid. "It's about my life. If you're interested you can read it, although you said, the past is over. And it deals a lot with my past." His look was evasive but Ben's eyes sparkled in excitement. "You would let me read it? Yes, I said I don't want to hear those old stories, but ... I would like to read, if you don't mind, or if it isn't too personal." "It is." Ben smiled warmly. Yeah, that it was. Simon's shell began to crumble, slowly, but it started. He took Simon's hand and played with the fingers. "I would love to read it." Simon smiled back. "Perhaps we can make a famous author of you." Ben grinned and Simon snorted. "Yeah, earn millions of Marks and we wouldn't need Marcus' money." He interrupted himself. The question still demanded an answer. Why not take his money and be carefree of all sorrows? He cleared his throat. "About the money ... I think we could need it, what do you think?" Ben nodded.Chapter 10 is close at hand, stay with us.