The Jumper

The Jumper Chapter 1 - Introductions Chapter 2 - The reason Chapter 3 - The shopping trip Chapter 4 - The transformation Chapter 5 - The first day Chapter 6 - The second day Chapter 7 - Picking up Tony

Everyone is mixed up over something in their life. Sooner or later, everyone stands on a bridge or something similar, thinking about the difficulties of facing life. This story is about a young man that thinks that he can't deal with life anymore because of his gender confusion. A cop talks the jumper out of jumping, with the promise of helping the young man find a way to deal with his problems. After all, the cop has friends that own boutiques and beauty salons. I think that it is a very in-depth look at the negative and postitive aspects of gender confusion.

The story has no sex in it. That's right. No bedroom scenes. No ".....he stuffed it in my mouth, humping as he.......". It is just the story of the mental confusion that some of us are all too familiar with. The story of someone searching for something that is denied them because of that little block on the birth certification that has either the letter M or F. At the end of the story, I offer a couple of options.

Waldo

The Jumper

Chapter 1 - Introductions

The cop slowed as he turned the corner, seeing the headlights of the cars as they crossed over the bridge. His eyes quickly scanned the dark recesses of the upper tresses of the river bridge. That is the area where he would be, if he was up there. That service area on the top of the bridge seemed to draw all of the cuckoos. And also all of the kids looking for a place to hide as they fucked their girlfriends or looked for a place to enjoy their drugs. This cop had been on this beat long enough to know all of the nooks and crannies of his assigned territory.

He walked out onto the pedestrian sidewalk of the bridge and walked toward the middle of the bridge, his eyes constantly scouring the upper dark cavities created by the tresses and the supporting trusses. When he reached the middle of the bridge, the cop climbed up on the old metal fencegate that was put there to keep people away from the old maintenance stairwell.

He dropped lightly down on the other side of the fencegate. Not knowing what the potential jumper's frame of mind was, approaching them could be dangerous for both of them. That is, if anyone was up here. But old Jeremy was not known to lie. If Jeremy said that he saw someone sneak up here, then someone was up there.

The cop took his time and listened. While the sound of traffic crossing the bridge was loud, he was listening for sounds of activity. He did not want to walk into a drug sale or gang war unexpectedly. Just before he went up the last set of narrow stairs, he heard a noise.

He took a deep breath and listened. Over the sound of the traffic and the wind blowing through the bridge, he could hear the sound of someone loudly crying. He listened for a couple of seconds, his ears trying to separate the sound of the person crying from the mixture of sounds being echoed up here on this high platform so high above the river below.

Satisfied that there was only one person up there, he slowly started ascending, letting his eyes scan the dark recesses of the platform. As his head reached the level of the metal floor, he saw someone sitting over at the far end of the platform. Having been up there before, he knew that there was no way that he could walk across that platform without being heard. The platform was made to temporary store equipment used to maintain the bridge and would squeak if he tried to get close to the jumper.

He watched for a moment and saw that the person was sitting on the end of the platform, with his legs hanging over the edge. Because it was a storage area for the bridge ironworkers, there was no guard rail, only a metal cable. The person was sitting so that the security metal cable was behind him and they could easily jump from the bridge.

"Hello", he said quietly.

The person jerked and looked back at the cop, whose head was barely above the floor platform, showing only the policebadge on the front of his cap.

"GO AWAY." screamed the man.

The cop stayed where he was at and replied "It's my job to make sure that the local newspaper gets all of the details correct. They have a deadline and don't have time to get the facts or time to correct incorrect stories when the story is old. They will want to know your name and age."

"I am not going to jump. I just came up here to be alone so I could think."

"Good place for it. When I was a kid, I used to sneak up here and smoke my old man's cigarettes, while I wished I owned one of those big boats over at the boatyard."

"Please leave me alone."

"I got a mean boss. He would kick my ass if I didn't go through the motions of trying to talk you down. You seem to be a good guy that knows what it is like to have an asshole for a boss. You wouldn't want to get me in trouble for not at least talking to you, to see what your story is, would you?"

"I don't have a story. I just need a place to think."

The cop came up two steps and stopped as he responded "If you are just thinking, then you won't mind if I sat down and rest my feet also."

The man hesitated before replying. The cop could see a worried look on his face in the dim light. For the first time, the cop could see enough of him to memorize a description. Male, about 18 to 26, small frame, about 130 pounds, maybe 5 foot 6 inches, long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, dark horn-rimmed eyeglasses, baggy sweatshirt and jeans. Couldn't see shoes because of feet hanging over the bridge. Face was typical of the many kids roaming the streets. The man said "Please leave me alone."

The cop recognized that the man had some control left. If he could get close enough, he could grab him and pull him away from the edge, if necessary. The cop came up five more steps slowly hearing the clank of his feet on the metal railing until he was standing on the platform. He reached into his pocket and removed his cigarettes, making a minor show of lighting one as he continued to watch the jumper. After making a big show of trying to be calm, the cop said "Cigarette?"

"I don't smoke."

Because he did not resist the cop's continuing advancement, the cop decided to see how far he could push his luck. He said "I don't want to get in trouble for leaving you up here, without investigating why you are here. I am going to walk slowly over to your side of the platform and sit down while I smoke my cigarette. I will ask you the official questions and then leave. I would like for you to leave with me, but if you can convince me that everything is OK, then I might leave you up here."

The cop slowly started walking across the platform. The man watched him as the cop approached and started changing his position so that he was balanced more precariously on the platform's edge. The cop stayed to the far side of the platform and sat down, with his legs hanging over the platform also. The man was about eight feet away. Sitting like this, the cop could not get to him fast, but it gave the man confidence that the cop would not try to grab him.

The cop said "Cigarette", holding the pack out again.

The man paused and said "Yeah."

The cop threw the pack with the matches in the cellophane. The man picked up the pack, removed a cigarette and lit it. About five seconds after lighting it, he started coughing.

The cop said "Thought you didn't smoke?"

"I don't. There are a lot of things in life that I wanted to try at least once and this seemed like a good time to try a cigarette."

"If you want to commit suicide, buy a carton of those things every week. Sure death." said the cop, trying to make a joke.

The man didn't say anything, but just sat there, with the cigarette hanging from his lips. At this close distance, the cop saw that the young man's age would be difficult to guess. This was because his baby face and complexion was so clean, without a trace of facial hair.

The cop said "From here to the water is one hundred and forty feet. A lot of people would survive that fall. They would spend months in the hospital from the broken bones, but they would survive."

The man replied softly "I wouldn't. I can't swim."

"Well, is that another thing that you wanted to get around to some day? Learning to swim, that is. What is your name?"

The man had a faint smile on his face as he replied "Wayne."

"My name is Hank. Hank Thompson. This has been my beat for six years. Haven't seen you before. Did you just move here or are you passing through?"

"I live on 14th street. My best friend has an apartment over there."

"Do you want me to get him to come over here?"

The man flashed an angry look at the cop. Then he slowly shook his head as he replied "No. Tony wouldn't understand. There is a lot that he doesn't understand or know about me."

"Why don't you try me? I have been around a lot and seen a lot of things. You look like you need someone to talk to. I promise to not give you any bad advice and won't charge you for it. I am so good at giving advice that the Psychic Network wants me to go to work for them."

"No one can help me. I don't want to talk about it." he said as he flicked his cigarette butt out. Both men were silent as they watched it's glowing ember float as if fell to the river and saw it extinguished when it hit the river.

"Do you have girlfriend problems? Got someone pregnant? Or she refused you?"

"No."

The cop hesitated and then softly said "Do you have boyfriend problems?"

The man looked up quickly and stared at him as he said "No. Tony is just my best friend. We were in high school together. He came up here to get work and I followed him up here to get away from my home. It's not what you are thinking."

"Why don't you tell me? That way I won't be making these wild guesses. I have to have some facts in case you do decide to jump. After all, it is my job."

There was thirty seconds of silence, except for the sound of traffic on the bridge below. Then the man finally softly said "I feel so funny inside. I don't know if I can go on living, feeling this way. I feel so out of place, so out of synch with what I should be feeling. I feel confused about a lot of things. It bothers me. It bothers me so much that I cry a lot. And I don't know why I am crying."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty."

"How long have you been feeling this way?"

"About six or seven years."

"Since puberty?"

"Yes."

"What do you do for a living?"

"Bag groceries at the supermarket on 12th Street. Or used to before they fired me this week. They don't like my long hair."

"Why don't you get it cut?"

"You are sounding like my father. He used to march me into the barber shop once a month and make me get a flattop. I haven't cut my hair since I left home last fall. I like the feel of my long hair, flowing down my back."

"Don't get me wrong. I used to play in a band in college and my hair was really long. I was also a rebel back then. But I had to cut it when I got this job on the force. When I retire, I will let it grow back out. Not as long as I used to wear it, but it will be longer than this. Is your father still alive?"

"Yeah."

"What about your mother?"

"She died when I was nine. Dad never re-married. He didn't want a woman around the house. It was just us guys. Me and my old man."

"When you were a kid, what did you want to do, when you grew up?"

The man paused before he replied in a soft, calm voice "You would make fun of me."

"I wouldn't be here if I was not interested in trying to help you. Trust me."

Chapter 2 - The reason

The man picked the cigarette pack up, lit another cigarette and held it in his hand looking at the burning end as the smoke lazily drifted up. When he was ready, he said "After my mother died from a heart attack, I retreated into my own little world. I was twelve. I read a lot of books. I liked the old hardback westerns that I could check out of the library. One of my favorite was an old Zane Gray novel about a cowboy who got a job on a very small ranch. The cowboy was working for a young teen-age boy, who was trying to make it on his own after his only family died. One day, the boy got hurt and was unconscious. The cowboy unbuttoned the kid's heavy, bulky shirt to see how bad the injury was and discovered female breasts under the shirt. The kid was actually a young girl with short hair. I was so naive at that time, that I didn't know there was any difference between chests on men and women. I was so naive - how naive was I? - That I had to think about what the difference could be. I started observing female breasts for the first time and became fascinated with my discovery. I secretly bought some playboy magazines so that I could look at the fantastic looking women in the privacy of my own room. I noticed that I became very aroused when I looked at some of the pictures. Not of the naked ones, but the ones where they were half dressed. I used to look at them and masturbate."

When he paused, Hank softly said "Part of growing up. Every kid goes through the same self discovery process."

"Yeah, so I found out several years later. I also discovered at that time, that I became more aroused if I pretended that it was me wearing the model's clothes. I became obsessive with looking at women's photographs and pretending it was me, on that page, dressed in that outfit and looking pretty. I would memorize how they looked, what they were wearing, and how their hair was fixed. One day, I went upstairs to the attic where I knew my dead mother's clothes were stored in boxes. I opened a storage box and found a bra that used to belong to her. It still had her very familiar smell. I sat up in the attic, smelling each of my mother's clothes. I selected two bras, a pair of panties, a slip, a blouse, a skirt, a tube of lipstick and a bottle of her favorite perfume. I took my treasures back to my room and read those passages from the cowboy book again; as I held my mother's clothes. I felt so strange inside. So funny. Sitting there with my mother's clothes, I felt very strange strong urges."

The man paused, looked over at the cop, who nodded that he was listening. Then the man continued "It was almost as if something was controlling me. Making me do things that I had never done before. I looked at myself in the mirror as I applied my mother's tube of bright red lipstick to my lips. I licked my lips with my tongue and tasted the slight fragrance that I remembered. I opened her perfume and rubbed some on my neck. I quickly undressed, then put my mother's white cotton panties on. My mother's adult clothes were much too large for my child's body. The panties wouldn't stay on my more slender hips. I had to wrap my belt around my waist to keep the panties up. I had the biggest erection of my young life, under those cotton panties. I put her bra on to see what that felt like. I adjusted the straps so it wasn't sliding off my shoulders anymore. I put a pair of sweatsocks in the bra's cups and stood there looking at myself in the mirror. I wanted to dress myself completely in my mother's clothes and read that part of the book again that caused such strong emotions in me. I didn't know Dad had come home early or hear Dad open my bedroom door."

Wayne looked over at Hank. In the moonlight, Hank could see the tears flowing down his face as he started crying softly. After a couple of moments, he gasping continued "He screamed at me and whipped me as he pulled the bra from my body. He pulled my naked, crying body into the bathroom and made me scrub myself while he watched me. Then he made me go to sleep in his bed. I cried myself to sleep, hearing him go through my room. Before I fell asleep, I saw him carry a large trashbag of my photograph books out of my room. The next morning, he took me to the barber shop and I got the first flattop of many flattops. We went from there to the high school where he signed me up for the football programs. When I finally went back up to the attic, all of her clothes were gone. I felt so empty and hurt inside. Since that day, I have not felt right."

"What would you have done, if you had been in your father's shoes?"

"He never said a word about that day again. I would probably have done the same thing because he was reacting in anger and fear as he tried to protect me, in his own manner. But I would not have done the rest of what he did to me. For the next six years, he spent every spare minute trying to make me into a macho man. I rebelled. I wanted to be a man, but wanted to be my man. Not the man that he was trying to make me into. He was very disappointed because I did not grow much during my teen years or bulk up. He wanted a son with a body like a football player and I was a scrawny frail looking teenager with a baby face. We used to do all sorts of guy things. He thought that being machismo was the way to get me back onto the right track. He took me to a strip joint for my sixteen birthday. He thought that I was being aroused from watching the stripper's boobs bounce around, but I was really enthralled by watching the way that the woman controlled the room full of men with her dancing and strip-tease motions. I was familiar with watching the girls at my high school manipulate men, but seeing such a lascivious display of sexual manipulation, created new feelings within me. I wanted to be that woman on the stage. I wanted to tease men, and to be able to invoke sexual desire."

An approaching tugboat on the river, blew a loud blast of it's horn, causing Wayne to pause for a couple of seconds. Then he continued "To please him, I started dating a neighbor girl. He used to hint that it was all right to bang her, only make sure that a condom was used. So I fucked her. Not so much for myself, but to make dad happy. We broke up soon after that. I was kinda glad that we broke up because being near her confused me. It's hard to be passionate when you are more interested in where the woman bought her dress than what she had under the material."

"Where does Tony come in?"

"Tony was my high school protector. The kids would pick on me and Tony would stop them. Whenever I would get into a fight and get my ass whipped, Tony would challenge the guy and beat the shit out of him. Tony hung around the house because we would play some one-on-one basketball, which Dad liked. And we would ride our bikes a lot. I always felt so good, when Tony was around. It's hard to explain how I felt."

"Does Tony know that you felt this way?"

"Naw. I learned early not to tell anyone. That's why it is so weird to be sitting up here on the bridge, telling my life-long secrets to a complete stranger."

"Don't feel alone. Everyone at some time or another has fantasized about being the opposite sex. Some people do it more than others. I know that I have drifted off to sleep, thinking about what I would look like. What I would do. Who I would allow to share my bed. I could spend hours telling you about some of my dreams and how I used to imagine that I was a girl. I always wanted to be a cheerleader and wear one of those short skirts and tight sweaters. I used to pretend that I was the head football cheerleader. She was a blonde with a beautiful, dynamite body; and that I was fucking my male body in the back seat of a 56 Ford. That car had some room where you could get some pussy on a back road."

"My dreams were not always sexual. Frequently I did lie in bed, imagining that I would wake up in the morning as a girl. My most recurring dream was where I was a girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes. I was never a sex goddess such as Madonna, but was always the girl next door. I would take a bubble bath, brush my hair, put on a blue satin dress and go shopping at a mall. I felt like I belonged there, which was something I had never felt before. I would meet my girlfriends there and we would giggle as the boys would follow us around, trying to impress us. Everyone seem so happy. I would wake up and not move, knowing that the second I moved, my female body was gone and I was a boy again."

"Have you ever seen a therapist?"

"No....OK, I did. Dad wasn't satisfied with something that he thought I should be doing and sent me to one. The guy taught me how to lie better about myself and my mixed up feelings. After six months, Dad thought I was cured."

"Why did your father send you to therapy?"

"He thought that I should be more of a horny little teenager stud that was trying to fuck every girl in the world."

"Have you ever had sex with a guy? Perhaps Tony"

Wayne shook his head as his tone softened so that Hank could barely hear him "I am not gay. And neither is Tony. He would punch me out, if I made a play for him. We are just friends."

"Does he know how you feel? Can you talk to him about your private quandary?"

"My gender problem is something that I have learned how to hide, especially with my closest friends. That is a discussion that is difficult to talk with those whose opinions we value most. Though we have been friends since grade school, I don't think that Tony ever got a clue as to my inner state of gender confusion. I have never shared my feelings with anyone, except you tonight. How would you tell someone that you wanted to be a woman? It is not easy to admit who you really are."

"Sounds as if you have given it a lot of thought. Maybe you should seek professional help and see if that helps you resolve your inner dilemma. Are you sure that you want to be a woman?"

"That is only half of the question. Can you or anyone else tell me what it is like to be female? Most people have trouble with the concept. I know that I don't feel right as a male; but at the same time, I don't know if I would feel right if I was a female. I read one time, a self description of a person who called himself not male'. If I have a sex change, will I become a woman? Or will I still be a not male'? If I adopt a female name, wear female clothes, have female grooming habits and speak in a decidedly female vocal range and pattern of speech, will I be a woman? Does being a female mean having breasts? A lot of women don't have any breasts at all, either because of illness or heredity. If I have a vagina, am I a woman? I guess that I am saying that I don't know. I have never been a woman and don't know how I would feel or act. It would be the pits to spend a fortune and discover that you have just as much confusion then as you do now. That, my policeman friend, is part of my quandary. I don't know that I don't want to be a `not male' and I think that I would like to be a woman, but I have no experience to base my assumptions on."

There was a small vibration from his portable police radio. Hank had turned down the volume before starting up the stairs but had not checked in, for several minutes. He pulled his radio out, turned up the volume and discovered that the call was not for him. As he put the radio back down, he said "Most people have illusions of great sex on the other side of the gender barrier. If you were a woman, would you have sex with a man?"

"Naturally. But it is not the sex that I am after. I just want to live the life of a woman and to have the lifestyle choices that a woman has; which are not available to men. As for sex, I have thought about that a lot and think that I would be very bi-sexual. I would have sex with a man because I was a woman. I would prefer to have sex with a woman because they are so soft and feminine. But I have never had sex with a man, so I don't know what my personal preferences would be then, if I ever crossed that gender barrier."

"So you think now that you want to be a lesbian. Hand me back a smoke." the cop said.

"I guess that you are right. It is easier for me to think of myself lying next to a soft female breast than to think of myself lying next to a hairy, hard, muscular chest. Or to kiss a luscious pair of soft lips instead of being bearded by a man's face that needs shaving."

Wayne threw the pack back and the cop lit up another cigarette as he looked at his watch. Almost twenty minutes with Wayne now.

"Most people spend their life looking for something, only to discover that what they are looking for, was in their backyard all along. It sounds as if you have been looking for things outside of yourself to make you feel better. The sooner that you learn that the answer is really within you, the better off you will be."

"What does that mean?"

"If you had a life-long dream of flying airplanes, and if being unable to accomplish your dream, was enough to make you consider suicide, then my advice would be to get yourself down to the airport. Today, not tomorrow. I would haul you down there, strap you in and watch you fly off into the blue horizon. So why don't we make your dream come true? Then you can see if it was all that you had imagined it to be all these years. If not, then you can proceed with your life."

In the dim light, the cop could see a faint blush on Wayne's face as he softly replied "I have considered that same scenario so many times and come to the same conclusion each time. It would never work. I couldn't pass as a girl. Although my facial features and general body frame is within the range where they could look feminine, I am not sure about my ability to act feminine in a crowd. I just know that someone would recognize me as a man. My worst nightmare has me running out of a store wearing a dress, a wig, and makeup as people stand on the sidewalk pointing at me. The embarrassment of any possible failure is worst than the pain of living this confused lifestyle. I am scared to live my life and even more scared to live the life that I desire."

"You are not from this area so there is not many people that know you. With a little help and training, you will blend right in as a woman. There are so many different female body styles, shapes, and general appearances, that you should be able to easily find the correct clothes to make you look normal. Making you look like a woman will be easy, compared to what you have to do. You have to learn to think and act like a woman to be accepted as a woman. A couple of years back, I met this woman that was overweight, had a very obvious mustache, and her body frame was more stocky than most men. When I first met her, I knew that she was a real woman, but my first visual impression was that she was a drag queen. But ten minutes after sitting down to talk to her, I didn't have that impression of her anymore. I had changed my opinion to think of her as a lady and that is how I saw her from then on. I have met other women who had the most beautiful bodies but their personality ruined my impression of them in mere minutes. You don't want to overdo it and you want your impersonation to be natural as possible. I am willing to help and have some friends that are miracle workers. If you decide to do it, you have to do it for ten days straight before you make any decision about returning to your former lifestyle. Any less time would not be a fair test. You have to change your clothes, your grooming habits, your appearance and most of all, your attitude. If you don't try it, you will always wonder about what you could have been. You have to give yourself the opportunity to express your inner feminine self. What are you doing tomorrow morning?"

"I was going to go looking for a job. I have some money saved up, but I need to find a job."

"Meet me at the Donut Shack at 9 am. Wear what you are wearing now and tell Tony that you are going away for the rest of the test period. You can stay at my place. Bring your credit card and we will go shopping in the morning."

"I can't walk into a woman's store and buy clothes."

"You can with help. Remember this is my beat and all of these merchants are my friends. If things don't go right, you can back out at any time up to a certain point. You have to finally accept the reality of your situation and make a commitment to do something about it. I will help you, but first you must be willing to help yourself. Is it a deal?"

Wayne gulped and replied "Yes."

The cop stood up and held his hand out. Wayne took it and allowed himself to be helped up. They walked down the stairs together and climbed over the fence. When they got to the end of the bridge, Wayne stopped and said "It's important for me to find out who I am and to learn to live with who I am. Thank you for listening to me."

The cop smiled and said "Donut Shack at 9 am. Don't be late." as he turned and proceeded on his nightly rounds.

Chapter 3 - The shopping trip.

The cop was wearing civilian clothes, sitting in the Donut Shack and sipping on his coffee as he watched the clock. It was 9:20 and Wayne was late. Maybe he backed out.

"Hello" said a timid voice behind him.

Turning around, he saw Wayne standing in the doorway. Wayne said "Sorry, but I had so many doubts and came very close to backing out. I waited outside the restaurant for several minutes with my palms slick with anxiety; my heart racing in my chest. I felt that it would be so easy to just turn and run, forget that I had ever made this kind of stupid promise. It would be easy, but it would also be something that I would have to live with for the rest of my male life. I finally told myself that maybe you were right and I needed to at least try to see if that was what I really wanted. I would hate to go through life, with all these doubts, when I could resolve my mental anguish in only a couple of days."

The cop looked up at the clock before he said "Good. I was expecting you to have some concern and self- doubt. Now that you have your rationalizing out of the way, you are committed to what needs to be done. Now we got to hurry. I got a friend to open her shop up early for us."

"Ok, but please humor me. I am also very worried about why you are doing this for me. You don't know me and your desire to help me seems very un-natural after my experience with other cops. What's in it for you?"

"I do expect some payback, but not what you are expecting. My brother got hooked on drugs while I was overseas in the military. He was going down for the count and some stranger stepped in, knocked some sense into his head and put him on the road to recovery. My brother doesn't know the man's name that saved his life. This is my way of paying that stranger back. Someday, you will have to help someone else that is in trouble. That's the only payback I ask."

"Do you expect to have sex with me?"

"No. You are not my type. Now, let's go before we lose our private shopping time."

They walked a couple of blocks and knocked on the back door of a boutique. After a couple of minutes, a woman opened the door "Hi Hank. I was just getting ready to give up on you."

She took a look at Wayne and continued "He's nothing but a kid. Is he old enough to be doing this, without parental permission?"

Hank replied "How old do you have to be, to know what you really want out of life? I know people that are in their sixties and still trying to decide who they are in life. I had a long talk with him last night and think that he is serious about this. Wayne, this is Marge. Marge, this is Wayne."

Marge walked around Wayne as she looked him over. Wayne just stood still while she scrutinized him. Then Marge smiled as she said "Honey, you are going to be one beautiful woman when we get finished with you. I was expecting someone that would be a little more difficult to clothe. It is not going to be as difficult as I thought at first, when Hank called me. I can already see what you would look like in some of the outfits that I have in mind for you. Come on in."

Wayne had a dumb look on his face. Hank motioned for Wayne to follow Marge into the boutique. When they got inside, Marge led them back into the fitting room areas. As they entered the room, she said "Strip down. We have to hurry because I will have to open the front door in about twenty minutes. I don't think you want to be still standing back here naked when all of my early bird female customers start wandering back here."

Wayne looked at Hank who nodded. Wayne pulled off his sweat-shirt, tennis shoes, and jeans. He was standing there in his shorts, socks, and T-shirt, when Marge came back in. She took one look at him and said "All of it. And I mean all. Or do you want me to undress you?"

Wayne quickly stripped down and stood naked as Marge walked around him again. Then she handed a memo pad to Hank and said "Write down as I measure his chest, waist, hips, shoe size, and other important measurements."

Then she started measuring various parts of Wayne's body as she called out the various measurements of his male body. When she was finished measuring she said "His shoulders are just a little wider than most women, but not as wide as most men. Recommend that we start with a size 40 bra with a C cup. A size B cup would make him look slightly flat. His general body frame is sufficient large enough to make the breasts look proportional, without making them appear huge. His body will never fit into one of those willowly size four dresses, but we have lots of options. He is about the size of Marilyn Monroe, back when women were women. As for the clothes, we will be able to find plenty of material to fit him. Unlike men's clothes, women's sizes vary from manufacturer-to- manufacturer, label-to-label, material-to-material and even one purchase to the next. Clothes sizing is not an exact science. I have a couple of adjustable clothes dummies that I will set to his size and use to pick out some clothes. The clothes will be reasonably priced, general purpose, mix and match outfits. I don't see any problem with building a wardrobe for this future young lady. Now what sort of breast forms?"

She stared at Wayne and when he didn't answer, she continued "Breasts have to look natural. Too many wannabe's wear breast forms too large for their torso giving them the Dolly Parton look, causing them undue attention that they don't need. You don't want something in your bra that will move around, such as several pairs of socks which will be too lumpy, and too light. Natural breasts jiggle and you need a form with some weight which gives them the proper movement and helps them attain a realistic contour. Foam rubber is only good if all you need is a little padding to add one cup size to real breasts. I carry two different silicone breast form models. The $120 molded silicone-rubber tear-drop shaped breast forms with slightly raised areola and nipple are firmer than real breasts. They are covered with a couple of shaped layers of flesh-tone stretch nylon tricot so that the fabric lies smooth against the form. The weight is correct but they are too firm and don't mold to your chest. My personal preference would be the $350 flesh-tone silicone-gel; which are secured to your body with adhesive and Velcro. They are individually shaped for Left and Right, and taper both at the side and the top, much more like natural breasts. The edges can be blended more naturally with your own flesh with the right make-up. Both types of breast forms warm to body temperature after ten minutes."

He stammered "The gel ones."

Then Marge said "Good. I think that you will like those better. They will provide the right curves, with the right jiggle that you need. Men have a tendency to stare at breasts, so you need to make sure that you have the right size and type. I will also pick out some padded panties to help round out your hips. Only one more measurement and then you need to get out of here so I can get ready to open up for my other customers. Don't move."

She bent over and pulled his penis down and back between his legs. Then she stood back up and said "OK, I know what size gaff would fit you best. Look at the time. You need to get dressed and get out of here."

Hank said "Give Marge your credit card so she can ring it up. How much do you think it is going to be?"

She smiled as she said "The breast forms will be the most expensive single item. Shoes, lingerie, a couple of nice dresses, blouses, and skirts will add up quickly. It will just be a basic wardrobe, with the clothes being normal day wear, except for a couple of outfits suitable for evening wear. Nothing slutty, flamboyant or too campy. I will pick clothes that help him look like a real girl. Something between casual and evening wear. I think that I can do the initial wardrobe for about a thousand bucks, including a twenty percent discount because Hank is such a good friend."

Wayne handed over his card and Marge ran it through her impression machine. She handed it back to Wayne and said "I will have them ready after lunch. Good luck."

A slightly perturbed Wayne followed Hank out of the store. When they got into the alley, Wayne said "I can't afford this. A thousand dollars and I don't even know what I am getting."

Hank leaned against the building wall and responded "The decision to look like a woman, is not a simple or cheap decision. However, it is a relative bargain, when you consider the cost of having surgery to become a woman. You can go back in there, tear up that credit card charge and walk away now. I trust Marge and her choice of clothes to let her pick out some of the basic items. Afterwards, if you wish to go shopping on your own, you can walk around the shop at your own leisure when you look like a woman. Or you can quit. If you quit, you can go back to your room and put on a bra which you probably have hidden away somewhere, in the privacy of your room, and enjoy the limited satisfaction that brings you. Or you can proceed onto the next place with me, which will cost you about five hundred more dollars. After that, you should be set for the next seven to ten days. If cost is a problem, consider that most vacations cost two thousand dollars. This vacation from your normal everyday life, is going to cost you about the same. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I feel so confused. Part of me is screaming to run with you. And part of me is afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of finding out that just looking like a woman is not enough. Afraid that I will enjoy it so much that I won't want to go back to my real life. Or that I won't like it and will feel more confused than before."

"I can't make the decision for you. You have to make it. Once you decide what you want to do, I will help you. And you should make it before we get to the next place. Because we are headed to a beauty salon to get your hair color and style changed. Changing your mind after that, will be more difficult." Hank said as he lit a cigarette.

Wayne watched Hank put the match out and then said "I used to imagine that I was a beautiful girl with long blonde hair, sitting in a slinky low-cut gown that exposed my cleavage, in a nightclub. I would light a cigarette and every man in the place would watch me, thinking how sexy I looked. I would wrap my lipstick- coated lips around the cigarette and hear some man in the club moan slightly, wishing that it was his cock instead of a cigarette. Giving the man a blow job was never part of my fantasy. Just sitting on the bar stool and being a woman. Although I used to fantasize about being a woman smoking, I never tried a cigarette until last night. You were very right when you said that I would always wonder about some things. I need to find out what I really want out of life. Where are we going next?"

"To Arlene's beauty salon. She doesn't open up for normal customers until noon today but came in at ten for us."

Chapter 4 - The transformation

Wayne was sitting in a beauty salon chair. Although they were the only customers in the shop which wouldn't open for another two hours, Arlene had taken them into a back room, where private treatment or training could be given to preferred customers. There was a mirror on the wall in front of the chair, but as soon as they entered the room, Hank covered the mirror so that Wayne could not see the results of what was happening to him. Arlene instructed Wayne to strip down to his shorts as she told Hank to get out of the salon and "leave us girls alone for awhile."

She put some small bowls beside him and put his hands in the liquid so that they could soak. His long wet hair was being brushed by Arlene after the shampoo. She had led him to a shampoo bowl and washed his hair, spending a little time on massaging his scalp to make this a more relaxing and pleasant experience. Then she said "Beautiful hair, but it needs a slight trim because the ends are splitting. You need to wash it more often and condition it after washing. While your hair is long for a boy's hair, it is short for the way that I would like to see you. And I know what I am talking about. I have a lot of special customers that come see me back here for the first couple of treatments, then we move them out to the front area with the rest of the girls. So I propose that I trim your hair, color it a soft honey-blonde with dark natural highlights, give you a permanent to give your hair some body and then blend in a couple of matching hair pieces to give you a little more length and fluffed, curly hairstyle. With your skin tone and general facial structure, that should make you make you into a normal looking, attractive female. Until you have real boobs and a little more practice at being a woman, you want to stay away from the vixen and siren look and go for the normal girl-down-the-block look. With your face and overall body shape, we should be able to turn you into a very realistic looking woman. How does that sound?"

Wayne was expecting this drastic action and knew that he was committed to whatever she recommended. He nodded his approval.

"Good. Now, let's talk about cost. My normal fee for this type of work and confidentially is fifty dollars an hour. But Hank is a good friend of mine and has never asked me for a favor before. At least not one like this. So I will make a deal with you. For a flat fee of three hundred dollars to cover my expenses and lost income where I could be doing other work today, I will spend the day transforming you and helping you learn how to look, act, and be a lady. Then for the next month, when I am not working on other customers, I will train you how to fix your hair in different styles, learn different make-up techniques and all the other stuff that most women are familiar with. In return, I need some help in getting this place painted this summer. Is it a deal?"

"Yes."

She rubbed a hand against his chin and smiled as she said "Thank god that we don't have a heavy beard growth to worry about. You can get by with shaving only once a week."

She had him raise his arms so that she could shave his underarm hair. Then she put a pink plastic cape around his shoulders and pinned it around his neck. She spent a couple of minutes trimming his hair, shaping it up so that it was a hair style and not just hair allowed to grow long. Then she pulled a cart over next to the chair and started combing Wayne's hair as she applied the chemicals to his head. As she worked, she talked to Wayne as if he was a very good friend and long time customer. Before he realized it, she was finished with applying the color. She started a timer and filled a bowl with warm water. She kneeled beside him, pulled the pink plastic cape up to his waist and started putting lather on his legs. Then she carefully shaved his legs, and gave his feet a quick pedicure. After she finished applying nail polish to his toenails, the timer went off.

She rinsed his hair and brushed it out, and put a series of pink plastic curlers in his hair, continuing until all of his hair was rolled tightly to his scalp on the rods. She explained that she was rolling the hair on the proper size rod for the amount of curl desired. When she put the perm solution on the hair, it softened the hair and made the hair assume the shape of the rods. When she finished rolling, she went back into the shop, returning with a very foul smelling permanent solution in a plastic bottle. Using the pointed tip, she began to apply the strong smelling solution to his hair that was rolled around each of the rods. When she was finished applying the solution, she placed a plastic bag over his hair and went into another room.

Another woman came into the room pushing a different cart. She was pretty, with long, wavy dark hair that fell to her shoulders, deep blue mischievous eyes, teeth as white as milk, and the type of cheekbones that Wayne wanted for himself. Her dress revealed a curvy feminine figure that Wayne also envied as he watched her position herself beside him. Her radiant natural beauty affected Wayne's self- assurance just a little.

"Hi, I am Jenny."

Wayne smiled an awkward sort of smile and replied "Hello. I am Wayne."

Arlene was coming back in the room, and said "No way. You might have been Wayne when you came in here, but you won't be Wayne when you leave here. What is going to be your new name?"

"I have always liked Nikki."

"Good, Nikki it is. From this moment on, refer to yourself only as a female. We will do the same thing because before you go to lunch today, you will look like a normal female. You will no longer be a he, but will be a she. When you think of yourself, don't think of being a he. Remember that you are a she. The pronouns that describe you now are she and her. He, him, and his no longer describe you. Jenny is going to give you a manicure and then work on your face a little, to get it in shape, Nikki."

Jenny removed one of his (I mean her) hands from the solution and examined it as she said "Your hands will be softer looking if you soak them occasionally and then apply moisturizing cream." She skillfully and carefully shaped Nikki's nails, then applied inch long acrylic nails to her fingernails. Then Jenny brushed a base coat, a bright red coat and a clear top coat of polish enamel.

When Jenny finished that, she adjusted her stool and said "We are going to thin your eyebrows some. Not as much as I would like to thin them, but enough to remove some of the heavy masculine look. Later, when you make up your mind as to which lifestyle you wish to live as, you can finish it yourself. If your skin is sensitive, try freezing the skin with ice cubes first. Then apply a cloth dipped in warm water before starting to open the pores. Use a small brush to brush the eyebrows away from the part you intend to pluck. Remember that the highest point of the brow should be in the arch just above the point were your iris meets the white, on the outer corner. Are your glasses reading glasses?"

"No, they are for driving."

Jenny looked at the black horn-rimmed frames and grimaced as she said "Don't drive and you won't have to wear them. You will need to get yourself fitted for contacts later."

She began carefully plucking hairs from Nikki's eyebrows. When she was finished, she walked around to the back of Nikki's chair and attached a metal clamp onto Nikki's right earlobe as she whispered "just a quick pinch and it is done". Jenny squeezed it and Nikki jumped slightly. She removed the clamp and put it on the other ear, repeating the process to pierce Nikki's earlobes.

Arlene came back into the room, looked at a timer, and said "Time to rinse the perm solution out and apply the neutralizer."

Arlene removed the plastic cap and rinsed Nikki's hair, and then dried it with a towel, before she began applying the neutralizing solution to her hair. After she applied the neutralizer, she rinsed Nikki's hair, removing the neutralizer. Then she started removing the curlers.

Jenny sat back down on the stool and turned Nikki's face slowly so that she could examine it. After a quick examination, she said "My next task is to help you choose the correct make-up for your skin and facial characteristics. Genetic women don't have beard lines or rough skin to deal with. A woman's skin will retain softness and smooth texture well up into their middle age. Men's rougher features have to be soften and blended in, so that their natural features lose that rugged look. While your face skin doesn't look like a doormat, it is still going to require a little more daily effort and makeup to achieve that soft look. When you start taking hormones, it will help your skin soften so that it won't be so time-consuming to apply your makeup. You are lucky that you don't have a beard that needs covering up, because applying your beard mask, power, base, more powder, and everything else needed to achieve a smooth look, can add greatly to your daily routine."

Then, Jenny began applying a liquid foundation to Nikki's face, chin and upper neck, followed by a blusher to her cheeks and cheekbones. Nikki could not see the effect of what Jenny was doing because of the covered-up mirror, but could feel it as Jenny used a pencil on her eyebrows, and colored her eyelids with what had to be a shadow. Jenny had her look up and then down as she applied a thin line of black eyeliner to the lashline of both upper and lower lids; before using a lash curler to lift and sweep Nikki's upper lashes higher before applying a coat of mascara. Nikki watched as Jenny selected a lip pencil which she used to shape Nikki's lips before Jenny filled in with a bright red lipstick that matched Nikki's nails.

Jenny said "You must learn to be a mimic. You must watch woman, pick up their motions and learn to mimic them. You will quickly discover that men and women have different ways of moving, standing, and gesturing. Arlene can't open her mouth with gesturing and her gestures are different from her husband's gestures. Your new image requires that you learn how to move your body as if it was a woman's body. Watch the way women walk, sit, rise from a seated position, eat, stand, and gesture. Learn to hold yourself more erect to walk as a woman. Thrust your chest out and walk with your arms slightly behind your body. Walk from your hips by pulling in your stomach. Take small steps with your knees ever so slightly bent, and feel your hips rotate as you walk. Watch women walk and practice their walk."

Arlene stepped in front of Nikki as she said "Listen to Jenny. She knows what she is talking about. She is my resident expert in femininity."

Jenny smiled then said in a masculine voice "This is my normal voice. Or the voice that I was born with. I had the surgery four years ago and have been living as a woman for the last nine years."

Nikki jumped and stared at the beautiful woman standing in front of the chair. Jenny's voice returned to it's more familiar soft mellow feminine sound as she continued "I knew when I was a teenager that I did not want to grow up to be a man. My mother spent a lot of money on me trying to convert me. I spent two years in therapy before she finally gave in. When I was seventeen, she allowed me to live as a woman and begin my odyssey. I went through the same self- doubts that you are experiencing. Thanks to Arlene and some other wonderful friends, I was able to make it through my transformation period successfully."

"You look so real."

"Thanks. It was hard work to look natural. Old habits were hard to break, but if I can do it, you can do it. Just remember to watch and mimic what you see. As you are walking, don't just move your hips back and forth. Women have a lower center of gravity and move from the hips as they let the rest of the body come along. A woman walking should look balanced. Men walk by starting to fall over and moving their feet underneath to give support before they finish falling. You have to concentrate on the subtle ways of expressing your desired gender, such as your choice of words, and loudness or pitch of laughter. You have to observe and practice to become perfect. Like an actress preparing for a new role, hold your rehearsals, consulting your mirror and tape recorder. The more that you prepare, the more confident you become. And after the appearance issue's process is over, you have to learn how to deal with issues of relationship and sexuality in your life."

Arlene laughed "You should have seen Jenny when she first started coming here. She was just as beautiful as any of the real girls sitting out in the front part of my salon, but she didn't believe she was. At first she was timid, and unsure of herself. But I watched her change into the extrovert that she is now as she developed confidence in herself."

Jenny smiled "I had to develop my self image and feel comfortable with it. Although I knew that I was a female inside and wanted to be a female on the outside, I had some very strong self-doubts because of my self-image. You have to learn that a healthy self image starts with the knowledge that you are not sick, perverted, or strange just because of the desires that you are feeling. You build your self-image by experiencing life, living it as the person that you want to be. You let the feminine side of your personality control your actions, your appearance and your thoughts. You start by assuming an externally female role to conform to your internal female brain. You learn to be at peace with yourself. Even when someone reads you. It will happen, but you ignore it and continue living the life that you desire. Remember that what the mind can conceive, the body can achieve. Or in our case, what the mind can conceive, the body can be modified."

"Have you had a sex change?"

"There are many ways that I can answer that question. I had surgery to augment my breasts so that I do not need to wear breast forms. I had nose surgery to re- shape my nose and to build out my cheekbones. I had electrolysis to control my facial hair. I take hormones to maintain my soft skin and to supplement my breast fatty deposits. I have not had the final surgery, which is the one that is the ultimate Sex Reassignment Surgery. I have a penis. It is small because of the hormones and only functions as a urination method. I have a boyfriend and he knows about my penis. He didn't know about it the first three times that we made love. By the time he found out, he was so much in love with me, that he didn't care anymore. He is very open-minded now and accepts me for being who I am. I have had several boyfriends and all of them have known about my penis. There was only one guy that couldn't cope with my body being the way it is. My current boyfriend doesn't care because I am able to completely satisfy all of his sexual needs. In the bedroom, I am his female whore. In public, I am his lady. All of his friends think that I am a real woman, so it really doesn't matter if I have a penis or a vagina. My real sex change occurred not in the operating room but in my day-to-day life as a woman."

"Will you ever have the vaginal surgery?"

"I don't know. And at this point in my life, it is a minor issue. I am happy with whom I am, how I look, and my lifestyle. I would like to be a mother, but a surgical created vagina won't let me bear children. A vagina would make me more female looking, but it is not something that I desire at this time. I am happy with my life and my body at this time."

Arlene was brushing Nikki's hair and pulled a long blonde hair strand forward so Nikki could see it; as Arlene said "While your hair was long, it was cut in a man's style and doesn't really have the length or fullness that would look good on you now. So, I am going to clip some of these hair extenders into your hair. They are made of 100% natural human hair and will make your hair look much fuller and richer. I will put a golden blonde segment up here to add a flattering highlight and a couple of longer darker strawberry blonde segments back here to add depth and color."

As Arlene brushed in the hair pieces, Nikki's head felt heavier and warmer because of the extra hair and different hairstyle.

Jenny continued "A woman is always more sympathetic to other people. You have to start listening carefully to what people are saying and try to understand what they are not verbally saying. A woman talks with her face and her expressions. You must learn to communicate with your eyes and expressions as much as you use your voice. You must be more interdependent with other women and not be so independent. Looking like a woman is only half of the transformation. The other half is acting like a woman. Remember that although you are fooling most men because they are so easy to fool, it will be difficult to fool most women. You can only do it, if you think like a woman."

"I know nothing about thinking like a woman."

"It will come with time and experience. Soon it will be second nature. I suggest that when you are with a woman, that you only discuss normal female interest subjects. Keep it simple. I found it easy to discuss weight control as a starter because that was something that I was interested in and easily crossed the gender barrier. If the woman is married, ask about her children, what their names are, what grade they are in. A woman will talk endlessly about her children, giving you a chance to pick your next subject. Another good subject is clothes."

When Jenny finished, she wheeled her little cart out and returned with some clothes. She said "Hank just brought these in. They are what Marge selected for you. She wants you to wear this first outfit." as she opened a package of brown nylons.

Nikki stood up and Arlene removed the plastic smock from Nikki's shoulders. Then tugged on Nikki's shorts. She took the hint and dropped them to the floor, standing there bare ass naked. Jenny helped her pull up a little black leather g-string around her hips. Jenny got down on her knees and looked at Nikki's very evident erection. She flicked it with a fingernail very hard and Nikki jumped from the pain. Within seconds, it was back to it's normal shrunken self. Jenyy tucked Nikki's cock back under the gaff, then tied it in place to compress Nikki's cock and balls so that they were hidden between her legs.

Jenny handed her the nylons and watched as she sat down, rolled them up and started unrolling them up her shaved legs. Jenny smiled, knowing the wonderful sensation of slipping stockings up bare legs that she was experiencing when Nikki smiled as she pulled the stockings up.

Then Jenny handed her a black waist cincher, which Nikki slid around her waist. As Nikki was doing this, a long wave of golden blonde curls fell across her face. She brushed it back, with a simple reflex motion as if she had been doing it all of her life. Arlene handed her a pair of padded Spandex panties and white satin panties. The Spandex panties were padded to fill out Nikki's hips and to turn her male butt into a female butt.

Jenny held up something and squeezed it as she examined it. Then she said "Marge knows what she is doing. This is a silicone gel breast prosthesis made primarily for mastectomy patients, but it also works well for a lot of our friend's lifestyle needs. It's taped to your body so it doesn't slip out of place and moves as you move. It is made of silicone gel in a skin-like material and it is as close as a false breast can come to the natural weight, consistency and appearance of a breast. Because it is taped to your body, it can be worn with or without a bra, and works well with an athletic lifestyle. She gave you two packages of five supporters which is enough for about three solid months. The supporter is a V-shaped, rubbery substance, with adhesive on one side and Velcro strips on the other. A supporter creates a tight seal that adapts to your body's contours. Don't use the same supporter more than a week. The adhesive withstands normal body movement and moisture. If your skin gets a little sensitive, just put the breast form in your bra and don't tape it on for a couple of days. I went through the many types of breast forms myself before the hormones. I was very pleased when a little surgical assistance made breast forms no longer needed for me."

Jenny opened one of the packages and held up the breast forms against Nikki's chest until she had them positioned where and how she wanted them to be. Then one at a time, she applied the supporter adhesive to Nikki's chest and then attached the breast forms. Nikki looked down at the unfamiliar weight hanging from her chest as Jenny handed her a front clasping bra. She slipped the bra on and Jenny adjusted the straps. Then Jenny gave her a slip, for her to put on.

Next was a white blouse trimmed with lace at the neck and sleeves. Nikki had a little problem at first because the buttons were on the opposite side that she was used to. Then Jenny handed her a short skirt of clingy knit.

Jenny had Nikki sit back down in the chair and slipped some pumps with two inch high heels on her feet. The shoes seemed small to Nikki because there was only a small piece of leather for the bottom with several small straps crisscrossing over her toes and a little strap slipped behind her heel. Jenny told Nikki to stand up, knowing that she would have difficulty at first with the heel height. After Nikki got her balance, Jenny placed a delicate gold chain around Nikki's neck as Jenny said "The shoes will strain your arches and you will have to change the way you walk, balancing more on the balls of your feet and taking shorter steps. Also never over-do in makeup and dress. It is always best to understate rather than exaggerate your appearance. The key to being accepted by others is your own self-acceptance. Remember that thousands of people are happily and successfully working and living in their gender of choice. Transition is possible and can be done. It requires sacrifice, hard work, and stubborn determination. And most of all, it requires friends. Hank, Arlene and I are willing to be your friends. I know that you don't have any jewelry yet, so you can borrow this for the week."

"Thanks. I don't know anything else that I can say."

"Then shut up and try it on."

Arlene held up a sparkling gold bracelet and matching earrings. As Nikki put the bracelet on her wrist, Arlene was putting the stud earrings in Nikki's ears. Nikki felt a tug on her earlobe then a weight pulling at her ears and felt the earrings swing whenever she moved her head. Then Jenny put a small dab of cologne behind Nikki's ears, in her d‚colletage and on each forearm.

Both women walked slowly around Nikki standing in the middle of the floor. Nikki could not see what she looked like because the only mirror in the room was still covered. She could look down and see Nikki's body and clothes but she did not know if she was succeeding. Arlene and Jenny smiled and then Arlene opened the door as Arlene said "Hank, come on in here."

Hank walked in, looked at Nikki and said "You look good enough to get yourself a job as a model. Let me introduce you to the new Nikki."

He pulled on the sheet covering the mirror and as it fell to the ground, Nikki saw her female reflection for the first time. It clearly wasn't Wayne's reflection. It was a beautiful young woman.

When Nikki saw her new image in the mirror, she couldn't believe how different she looked. Instead of dirty tousled long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, she had long blond teased hair that was hanging down over her shoulders, carefully framing her face.

Nikki could barely believe that the image staring back was her own reflection. It was a vision of sexy womanhood that she had dreamed of, but had never thought possible to achieve. Although she was seeing herself as a woman for the first time, it was a very familiar reflection because this was how she had dreamed of looking. The long flowing, blonde hair, the sultry looking eyes with long dark lashes, the glistening lips, the glimmer of gold earrings hanging down from her ears, the frilly lace collar of a blouse showing the outline of very feminine breasts, the skirt covering rounded hips with a little rounded derriŠre, the slender shapely legs covered with skin covered nylons, standing on a pair of high heel shoes. The clothes fit her body and showed off the new curves. The jewelry glimmered as it reflected the light. She held up a hand and was amazed how different the hand looked with the manicured long fingernails and gleaming polish. Nikki had expected to see herself as this but it still shocking to see her dream come true. She could only stare at her new lovely, unfamiliar but familiar image.

"What do you think?" asked Hank.

Nikki stepped toward the mirror for a closer look because she could not wear her glasses now and almost lost her balance in her new high heels. Quickly recovering she softly said "I can't believe it. This is what I always pictured myself as looking like."

Arlene said "Hank, Nikki and I have been in here all morning and I am starved. Would you like to take two of the most beautiful ladies in town out to lunch?"

Nikki looked at Jenny and said "Aren't you coming with us?"

"I have to go to work. This is not where I work. When Arlene called me and requested help, I took part of the morning off. I manage a computer software firm."

Chapter 5 - The first day

Hank, Arlene and Nikki, were sitting at a table in a restaurant. Nikki was beaming as she realized that no one had stared at her as if she was a man in woman's clothes. Instead, a couple of men had smiled at her and tried to catch her eye, but she focused on keeping her balance in the heels that she was becoming more used to.

When they entered the restaurant, the headwaiter had escorted them to a table and held the chairs for each of the women. The waiter came immediately and asked "Would you like something to drink while you are looking at the menu?"

Arlene quickly replied "Bring my friend and me a glass of white wine and a beer for the gentleman."

As the waiter walked off, Arlene said "I ordered for you because I wanted to remind you that you have to be careful with your voice. You look like a natural woman but your natural voice doesn't match your image yet. The ability to have a natural sounding female voice is what will make your impersonation successful or a failure. It's not how you speak, but how you sound. You have to learn how to modulate your voice to give it the correct timbre. Until it becomes a natural part of your life, you have to think about what you are going to say and how you say it. After lunch, we will go back to the shop and I have a tape recorder that you can practice with. Also you have to concentrate on your sitting posture. Keep your knees together, and arms close in, making sure that you don't take up too much room. If you sit with legs apart, shoulders hunched forward, and elbows on knees, you will look like some jerk kid. Your walking performance was successful because no one you passed, turned to take a second look as you walked by. A couple of men smiled at you, but as good as you look, that is expected."

After the waiter brought the drinks, Hank said "How do you feel?"

Nikki smiled, paused, and in a very soft voice said "I feel great. But I also feel so normal. It is almost as if I was really a woman. I don't feel out of place. I was afraid that I would look like Milton Berle in a skirt and seeing myself in the mirror proved to me that I could look and live as a woman if I wanted to. Thank you Hank and Arlene."

Arlene held up her wine glass and said "A toast to tomorrow and the new you. May you have the strength and wisdom to make the choices that you now face in life."

Hank said "I took the rest of your clothes over to my place. You are going to stay in my spare bedroom. After lunch, I am going to take you down to the Department of Motor Vehicles, where a friend will make sure that you have a driver license with the new picture, description, name, and a birthdate showing that you are over twenty-one. Then I will bring you back to Arlene's place where she is going to give you some make-up training and you can settle your bill with her. Jenny will come back and work with you on your walk, your posture, and your motions. Then I will pick you up and take you to a bar where I am working tonight as a bouncer. They have a band and get a nice crowd there."

Nikki was sitting on a stool at the bar and looking at the image being reflected in the bar mirror. All day long, she had been practicing her voice lessons with a tape recorder. She now felt very comfortable now with her ability to use the new speech patterns. It was easier to get used to than walking in the high heels.

Hank had selected a chair at the bar, where he could watch her and had asked the bartender to take care of her. Then he returned to where his bouncer position sat at the front door.

She opened her new purse and saw the makeup that Arlene had given her. Also there was a tampon to help with the illusion. She smiled as she remembered Arlene's last word of advice "Don't screw up by walking into the Men's Room." She removed the pack of cigarettes, pulled the little pulltab on the cellophane, and removed a filter cigarette. As she started to strike a match, a hand holding a lighter jumped in front of her face. She turned slowly and saw a handsome young man, about twenty-eight years old, dressed very neatly in a suit, holding the lighter.

She put the cigarette in her mouth, and leaned her head slightly forward as he moved the lighter under the end of her cigarette. A wavy strand of loose blonde hair fell forward, but with one hand, she brushed it back into place. He flicked the lighter and the flame rose to meet the cigarette end. She inhaled slightly, creating a draw which lit the cigarette. As the now familiar warm rush of smoke filled her lungs, she leaned back to a normal upright position, crossed her legs, feeling the skirt rise slightly. She slowly removed the cigarette from her mouth, looking at the red lipstick on the filter. She looked at the man still holding the lighter as his eyes jumped back from her legs, to her breasts, to her eyes and softly said in the feminine voice that she had been practicing all day "Thanks."

"May I buy you a drink?"

"I already have one. Thank you for the offer."

"Is anyone sitting here?" he asked pointing to the stool next to her stool.

"Please sit down. I am Nikki."

"My sister's name is Nikki. I am Jeff Robinson. I have seen you somewhere before. I think it was at the White Horse Inn."

She looked at him, with a faint smile on her lips, knowing that he was trying his lines on her to find out about her, before he attempted his moves. She slightly turned her head away from him, slowly pursed her lips and exhaled the smoke from her warm lungs as she checked out her image in the mirror again. She was holding the cigarette in her hands and with her long fingernails, flicked the lipstick coated cigarette so that the ash fell into the ash tray. It felt so natural to be sitting here, doing this as a wave of d‚j… vu flashed before her. She was a debutante and sitting on a bar stool, smoking a cigarette, was her debut down the symbolic staircase. Instead of a hallway full of admiring young men watching her walk down a staircase in a long flowing gown, there was a barroom full of admiring young men watching her sit on a barstool, hoping for the opportunity to get her into their bed.

Then she said "I don't think so. I just moved here."

The man smiled and recognized his opportunity "A newbe. It is your lucky night because I am almost a native of this town. I would like to show you around town. I know the best places to shop and some wonderful places to eat."

"My uncle has been helping me find my way around."

"It's more fun to go with a friend. Why don't you plan on going with me tomorrow and we can go in my sports car."

She nodded toward the door and said "That's my uncle at the door. Why don't you ask him to see if he objects?"

The guy looked at the door and saw Hank standing with his arms crossed, watching them. Hank smiled at the guy.

Jeff turned around and said "The off-duty big cop is your uncle? I see. Would you like to dance?"

She took a last drag of her cigarette, put it out and stood up as she said "I would love to."

Hank drove her home. All evening, she had danced and flirted with the many men that tried their luck at picking her up. He had watched her to make sure that she didn't drink too much or get into trouble at this early stage in her metamorphous. But she had behaved herself, limited her drinking and acted like a lady out for a relaxing night on the town. She laughed at their jokes, tossing her hair back as if it was something that she had done all of her life. Just about every song, someone would ask her to dance. When she wasn't dancing, there was usually two or three men standing around her, talking to her, trying to score with her. During the slow dances, Hank watched her blend into her partner's body and move as if she was attached to him. He smiled when he saw one guy's hand drifting down toward her butt and she firmly moved it back up to her waist.

On the way home, she was very quite. When Hank asked her if she enjoyed herself, she replied "My arches hurt. It only took two dances for me to learn to kick the high heels off while dancing. But aside from that, I am still in heaven. I was just sitting here, relaxing, thinking about all of the wonderful things that I have experienced today. Even getting a run in my hose, seemed so natural and wonderful at the same time. Things that I used to dream about. Things that I can now do, whenever I want. I feel so good inside and so very comfortable. Did you realize that everyone in that bar accepted me as being a woman?"

"Yes. What did you expect?"

"I was afraid that someone would rip my blouse apart and yell that I was a man as they exposed my body. Every moment, I expected to do something stupid and be recognized. I almost peed in my panties, when that one jerk handed me his business card, with his hand- written phone number on it. He was cute, but was a real jerk."

"But you weren't recognized. You acted like a lady and they treated you like a lady."

She laughed and said "That one guy was trying to cop a feel. He was pulling me against him so hard that I was afraid that my gel would burst. By the way, Marge was right. These boobs were expensive, but they feel so natural. As I walk, I can feel the bounce and jiggle. I never expected that boobs would feel this way. And going to the bathroom was a riot. I was sitting on the commode after getting that damn gaff unfastened and some woman in the next stall was really cursing some poor man. The way that she was describing her date, made him sound like the old me."

"The old you???"

"You know what I mean."

"It's been a long day for you. Do you feel better now than you did last night on the bridge?"

"Last night seems so far away. I feel so comfortable and relaxed now that I got over the initial confusion. And I feel so natural, dressed in these clothes, wearing this make-up, and with my hair fixed this way. This is the real me. This is how I should look."

"Your problems are just starting. You have a lot of decisions ahead of you. Remember that this is only a test for ten days. When that time is up, you have to decide if you go back to being a man or if you live in this half man, half woman lifestyle. Or do you have surgery to turn you into more of a woman; if not completely into a woman?"

"I can't go back."

"You may have to. There are legal, medical and business issues that you need to resolve."

He parked the car in his parking spot and escorted her inside the apartment building. He opened the apartment door for her and as she looked around, he showed her where the bathroom was, where the kitchen was, and the bedrooms. Then he gave her a spare key to the apartment and said "good night."

He shut his bedroom door, undressed, took a quick shower and got into bed. About two minutes after he turned out his light, there was a light knock on his door.

"Come in."

The door opened and the living room light silhouetted Nikki standing in the hallway. She was still dressed.

Nikki softly said "Hank, I would like to thank you for what you have done for me. Would you like for me to sleep with you tonight?"

Without lifting his head from the pillow, he responded "As I told you earlier, I am not helping you for the eventual result of getting sex from you. I don't work like that. Your thank you is enough gratitude for me and You are welcome. Today has been a most unusual day for you and you have experienced a lot of new emotions and did a lot of new things. I appreciate what you are offering, but I would like to know that it is offered because you like me as a person and not because you are trying to pay me back for trying to help you out. If you wish to make the same offer at the end of the week, I will consider accepting your offer. Or turning you down for other reasons. You haven't asked, but I have 100 percent heterosexual desires. I think that we should get some sleep tonight. Good night."

She blew him a kiss and whispered "Good night. Thank you for saving my life, my friend." as she shut the door.

Chapter 6 - The second day

A tired Hank opened his front door. It had been a rough day at work and he was looking forward to getting out of his uniform and relaxing for a couple of hours before he went to his bouncer job.

As the door opened, he immediately knew that something had changed. First to hit him, was the warm and refreshing clean smell of potpourri. Then there was the smell of food cooking in the kitchen. As he shut his front door, he saw that his apartment had been cleaned; or at least what he could see from where he was standing in the living room. Everything had been dusted and straightened up. The pile of newspapers had been carried out. The carpet had been vacuumed.

Although he considered himself to be an average sort of housekeeper, he had grown used to living in his own mess. And Nikki had cleaned it up.

"Hi, your fridge was a little bare, so I bought some groceries. Dinner will be ready in about forty minutes. Why don't you change clothes and relax." she said as she handed him a cold beer.

She was wearing women jeans and a woman's halter T-shirt. With her jiggling breastforms, other padding, hairstyle, and make-up, she looked quite real. And very attractive.

He was sitting at the head of the table as she carried a plate of steaks over to the table. He was filling his plate with salad, potatoes, corn and bread.

After she sat down, he said "Delicious. I didn't know that you could cook."

"It was one of the skills that my father used to let me practice because he got tired of eating out, after my mother died."

"What did you do all day?"

"Nothing. And it felt so good. Last night after you went to sleep, I tried on every piece of clothes and looked at myself in the mirror; before hanging them up or putting them away. This morning, I took a quick shower, put on a dress and went shopping."

"Buying more clothes all ready?"

"No. Just some essentials that I need. Bubble bath, women's deodorant, lotion, razors for shaving my legs and arms, hair spray, tissues, and some more hosiery. I did walk into the women's section of a large department store to see if the clerks accepted me. I wandered around the racks, just looking at the clothes and found one particular dress that I really liked. I stood there and imagined that I was wearing it for several minutes, before I asked the clerk to let me try it on. I didn't buy it, but just wanted to try it on. As I shopped, I studied women shoppers to see what they were wearing and what they were buying for themselves. I followed Jenny's advice to notice other women and what about their appearance is working or not working. Then I came home, filled the tub with warm water and luxuriated in a tingly refreshing bubble bath, while I sipped on wine and enjoyed a couple of cigarettes. I spent over an hour, sitting there, playing with the bubbles and just enjoying myself."

"I would have looked like a prune if I stayed in a tub that long."

"I almost did. I would still be in the tub but I was beginning to wrinkle up. After applying lotion to my whole body, dressing and putting on my make-up, I changed clothes a couple of times. Jenny lent me some more jewelry. I like to wear jewelry, and quickly got used to the bobbing feel of the earrings. I love the gold necklace and bracelet that she lent me. Then I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up your place."

"You should have been out doing something that you wanted to be doing. Housecleaning is not my ideal of a fun afternoon."

"It was what I wanted to do. Speaking of fun, are you working at the bar tonight?"

"Yes. Did you want to go back?"

"Just try to keep me away from there."

It was busy at the bar and Hank had been busy working as the bouncer and doorman, so he didn't have much time to watch Nikki. She was sitting at the bar talking to a man when the bar closed. When Hank walked over to her, she stood, leaned over quickly to kiss the man on the cheek; and then said good night as she walked out the door with Hank following her.

In the car, Hank asked "How was tonight?"

"Beautiful. I felt so comfortable. I had a very good time tonight. Thank you for taking me down there."

"Who was the guy?"

"His name is Juan. He hit up on me earlier in the evening, but I had some other company so I brushed him off. I am glad that he came back. He talked the band into playing a song that I like very much. As I danced with him, I felt the strong sensual emotion that the music creates within me. I started dancing slow and sensual because I felt so sexy. As we danced, I stared into his eyes with a burning look, wanting him to caress my body with his hands; but knowing that I could not let him do what I wanted him to do, so much. He is a tall man, with beautiful dark hair and the most amazing eyes. I felt myself shiver when he smiled at me. I could not stop myself as I stared at his lips, because his face was right in front of mine. I allowed myself to let him kiss me briefly. I could not resist him, and opened my mouth, accepting his tongue as it entered and touched mine. When I pulled my lips away, he pulled himself closer to me and I felt myself melting into his body. I could smell his strong masculine scent as he nuzzled my neck while we danced. I felt his hands drifting down to my ass and stopped him. He hugged me close to his muscular chest as we danced to the music. I just wrapped my arms around his neck and held on to him as I let him lead me around the dance floor. While we danced, he kept whispering in my ear, how beautiful I was. I told him to stop but I really didn't want him to stop. I was enjoying the pressure of his chest against mine, the touch of his hand on my back."

"Sounds serious. What else happened tonight?"

Nikki laughed as she replied "I tried to limit my drinking because I was having such a good time, chatting with people, being eyed by all the men. I played the flirt. When I went to the bathroom, I was listening to the women, as I checked my appearance in the mirror to make sure that my hair and clothes were ok. You can learn a lot in a busy bathroom. Anyhow, I was listening to two women in adjoining stalls talk to each other. Not so much to snoop on them, but to listen to their vocal patterns. Well, one of the women called the other woman a whore. The second woman yelled that she was only flirting with the man to show how unfaithful he could be. I thought that those two bitches were going to start throwing some real shit over the partitions. I looked at the attractive brunette woman standing next to me and she was trying to keep from laughing out loud over those two bitches."

"Yeah, we get all types in there. I have to break up almost as many fights between women as men."

"I got out there and went back to my little seat by the bar. A kid was sitting on my stool and he tried to get me to sit on his lap. The kid moved on when the guy on the next stool stood up to remind him of his manners. The brunette from the bathroom walked up to me and introduced herself. Her name is Donna. She came to the bar with a guy, but he was such an asshole, that she sent him packing. She wanted to sit with me and talk about the men. She was really beautiful. She is 5'6", brunette, and has the body that I would love to have. As we talked, more men came up trying to pick us up. Donna gave me a phone number and asked me to go out barhopping with her. She doesn't like to go into bars by herself. Men zero in on a single woman."

"Sounds like your masquerade is very successful. You convinced not the men but her that you are a real woman."

"I hope so. I still find it difficult to realize that I am actually pulling it off. I did a lot of thinking today about this new life. All day long, I kept having the same nagging thoughts. Hank, I need some guidance. I want to see how Tony reacts to the new me."

Hank didn't say a word as he pulled the car into the parking garage. He shut off the engine before he replied "Are you going to tell him that it's you from the start?"

She rolled down the window as she opened her purse, looking for a cigarette. She removed one from the pack, allowing Hank to light it for her as he lit one for himself also. Then she said "I don't know. I went over several different plots today. None of them seemed correct. The easy thing to do, is to never let him see me like this. But something deep within me, wants him to see me as a woman. I have to see if he accepts me this way. I need to show him who and what I truly am. I knew there is a big risk that he might turn his back on me forever. I have to chance it, for my sanity and self esteem. I know it will not be easy."

"Are you seeing him because you want to see if you want to have sex with him? Or because you want to open your heart and tell him how you really feel inside?"

"I don't know. Today it was to tell him how I feel. But when I was dancing with Juan, I let myself dream for a moment, as I imagined that it was really Tony that I was dancing with. I became very aroused when I thought about Tony and felt Juan's body."

"What if it doesn't work? What if he tells you that he never wants to see you again?"

"It's something that I will have to face."

"You will do ok. Whether or not Tony accepts the new you."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes. You are definitely not the same person that you were two days ago. You are now more self-assured, more confident. You are happy with your image and it shows in your personality. One of the dangers of crossing the gender barrier, is that a lot of people become bimbos. They live only for the fact that they now look like a woman. While it is obvious to me that your are enjoying your new lifestyle, it is also obvious that you don't want to be a drag queen and flaunt your neutral in-between gender. You want to be a woman. And the woman that you want to be, is a lady. I can tell and so do all of those men that were hanging around you tonight. You have class. You radiate confidence. You have the capability to do what has to be done, to be a functional, whole, loving human being. You will succeed with or without Tony. Now I suggest that you decide tonight what you are going to do, when you face Tony."

Chapter 7 - Picking up Tony

Author's Note:

As you can see, I have stopped the story here without getting into any bedroom activities (which may disappoint some people that have read this long story so far). I have been working on and off on this story since Christmas. And I am at that quandary that all writers experience. At what point do you end a story?

I can go on and on and on forever on this storyline, but like all stories, it has to end somewhere/somehow. I decided to put this story out on the net and see what sort of feedback I get. Should I continue it? Or just let it die at this point?

You are the deciding factor. I will listen to your comments and suggestions. Or to your non- comments, which means that I do not go any further. Somewhere around April 1st, 1996, I will decide what I am going to do. I will post my decision on alt.sex.stories.tg. If I continue it, I will finish it and release it @ the Fourth of July.

If I continue it, my general direction is:

You know that Nikki will have to face Tony. Does Nikki march straight up to Tony and announce his new identity? Or does Nikki put Jenny up to going out with her to a bar where Nikki knows Tony hangs out; to see if Tony recognizes his best friend?

Tony will either accept the new personality or reject Nikki. If he accepts, does Tony share his bed with Nikki, offering Nikki the first opportunity to experience the feminine side of sex? If he declines, does it throw Nikki into a minor depression; where her friends help her recover by building herself stronger. I forget who it was that said "Through adversity comes strength." but it could help Nikki prepare for the hard decision that must be made.

What happens when Jenny shares her bed and open- minded boyfriend with Nikki?

What happens when Donna (the brunette) goes out barhopping with Nikki, expecting that they will pick up a couple of guys? What does Nikki do, when placed in a situation where she must put out or get out?

What happens when it is the end of the week and a more experienced Nikki offers to sleep with Hank? Will he remain 100 percent heterosexual?

Or a very depressed Nikki runs back to the bridge after Tony rejects her. And Hank follows her. Again they sit on the bridge talking, with a somewhat more composed Nikki eventually cuddling next to Hank to keep warm.

What happens when Wayne's Dad shows up unexpectedly to visit his son and discovers Nikki in Tony/Wayne's apartment?

What happens at the end of ten days when Nikki must make a decision about going back to being Wayne or continuing as Nikki? From the way that things have developed so far, the choice will probably be Nikki. But does Nikki decide to take hormones, sign up for breast augmentation, and the other steps for eventual Male to Female surgery?

The new Nikki will have to find a place to live. Will it be with Hank, Tony, or Juan?

I read the alt.sex.stories.tg newsgroup weekly so comments can be left there or e-mailed to me.

Waldo