The Joke. By Bald Hairy Man
This is a story for adult men. It depicts gay sex. If this offends or bothers you, DO NOT READ IT. It is a fantasy and is not a sex manual, or a discussion of safe sex. If you have comments send them to winarch47@yahoo.com
I was having dinner at my favorite restaurant, the Mill, with three old friends, Mark, Dennis, and Lou. It was a family restaurant during the day but after eight it became a favorite gay hangout. It didn't resemble any of the media's interpretations of gay life. There were no muscle-bound leather men, or flamboyant transvestites, or Drag Queens strutting their stuff.
There were just men and women having dinner and talking. There were some men wearing leather jackets, and some persons who might not have been wearing clothes not typical for their sex, but there was no drama.
My friends were professional people, a doctor, lawyer, therapist, and a teacher. I am Russell Holmes and had just retired teaching English at a local college. Dr. Mark Miller was a psychiatrist who worked at a clinic. Dennis was a public defender. Lou was a therapist who worked with youths who had learning disabilities.
The late-night Mill clientele was forty percent gay, ten percent lesbian and fifty percent straight. There were many artists, professional and creative types there. The atmosphere was slightly bohemian and there were few Republicans.
Lou was saying that it was sad that your usual introduction to sex was by the trial-and-error method. That was worse in heterosexual sex since the errors could result in twenty years in child rearing. Explaining what and how to do sexual things without pain and heartache would be good for gay or straight sex.
"A simple watch out for teeth, use lube, and there is a sphincter in your ass would be helpful for Gay guys," Lou said. "I was surprised when a guy shot off in my mouth the first time. It was a shock." This started a conversation about sex and early mishaps and problems that turned comic as we recounted early miss-understandings.
Mark said an academy of the sexual arts and practices would be a blessing. Dennis said the introduction was often provided by a hooker or the uncle who drank too much. We all laughed, but that was often the case. It was a lighthearted conversation, not a solve the problems of the world conversation.
Two days later Mark had a call from a friend overheard our conversation. The friend was attracted to men but had no idea what to do. He had seen porn, but he assumed the men involved were experienced. He wanted lessons. Mark said they needed to have a talk. He thought it might be a prank call.
It wasn't a prank. The man was timid and unsure. He knew he was gay but had been brought up in a home where that was never mentioned or considered. He was forty and was afraid he would be humiliated.
"I was hoping you could help him out. Dennis said he would help too," Mark explained.
"Exactly what sort of help do you want?" I asked.
"To be direct, my friend needs sex lessons," Mark replied. "I would do it, but he's a friend. He would be embarrassed." We talked for a while, and I agreed help. I live on the edge of town and have no nearby neighbors. Mark's friend was available on Tuesday night. I told him that was good for me. Since I was retired, I was always free.
I called Dennis. He was busy, but he said he would call back. He called me that night. Dennis figured at if we got the ball rolling, we could let nature take its course. That was not up there with the planning of D-Day as plan, but it had the virtue of simplicity.
Dennis came by my house at 7:30 Tuesday night. Mark's friend arrived at eight on the dot. He introduced himself as Bill. He was a little less than six feet tall and in good shape. I recognized him as the town's head of the Public Works Department.
Dennis told him he was a believer in learning by doing and suggested we go to a bedroom and get more comfortable. We went to the master bedroom. I had just rebuilt the bathroom which was spacious and had a walk-in shower.
Dennis and I began to strip. Bill held back, but Dennis told him that being in a private house meant that you could get naked, unlike rest stops or parks. Bill stripped. Bill was a good-looking man, and he looked better naked than dressed. That was not always typical of gay men.
"How do we start?" Bill asked. I went over to him, dropped to my knees, and sucked his cock.
"Have you been sucked before?" Dennis asked.
"Once or twice," Bill replied. "Was so scared I don't know if I enjoyed it or not."
"Rule number one; trust your cock. It was made for sex. I was always afraid I would shoot off. That is what the cock is made for, so don't worry," Dennis said,
"Rule number two is to use your lips and tongue only. It's a cock, not a hotdog! When it's hard it is designed to feel. The most delicate part of your cock is the nob. Caress it. You use it to aim piss most of the time. When you are hard the piss connection is blocked and the slit at the tip becomes your sperm nozzle. When you get excited, it drools percum. That's sweet and tastes good. When you get close to shooting it oozed more. You can tell when a guy is close."
"What if he shoot's off?" Bill asked.
"Shooting off is why we are here!" Dennis said. "Most of us were used to trying to hide the remains of an orgasm from our moms. That isn't a problem[BW1] with a guy. If you pull away while a guy is shooting, you will need to clean it up. If you swallow, there is no cleaning problem."
"If you are sucking a guy in a shower, remember sperm is slippery. Don't slip on it," I interjected.
"Now Bill, I think it's about the time you and Russ switched places. Some guys only like to suck, but most like a man who reciprocates."
"Is that required?" he asked.
"It's only required if you want to have sex with him ever again," Dennis said. "Some guys are Johnny-one-notes, but that is pretty rare. At least make the gesture. If he doesn't want it, he will tell you. Russ likes it all."
"Actually, being able know a guy's excitement level by tasting his precum is more of an advanced studies in cock sucking technique. It not usually in the introductory level," Dennis added.
Bill laughed at that, I thought that was good since he had relaxed enough to see the humor. Bill was the sort of man who did what the teacher told him to do. His lips wrapped around my cock head. I felt his tongue caressing the underside if my cock. That was good.
"My knob is tender and sensitive. I feels good when you lick it," I said. Bill did that and then deep throated my cock. When he pulled back, he suctioned up some precum.
"Does it taste okay?" I asked.
"It's not bad," he said.
"Now Bill. We are going to kick things up a notch. I'm going to suck your cock as you suck Russ's tool," Dennis said.
"That may be too much," Bill said.
"Oh shit, I forgot to tell you Rule 3. Too much is just right! I want you to shoot off," Dennis said. "That is our objective." Bill laughed at that too.
A few minutes later Dennis took Bill's load. Both men enjoyed it. Dennis said he had a meeting to go to, so he left me alone with Bill.
"I'm not sure I could suck you off long enough to make you shoot off. Could I do a trial run?" he asked.
I smiled. "That would be just fine with me," I replied. He was careful but became more vigorous as he got used to sucking cock. When I shot off, it was fine with me, but it was spectacular for Bill. He had no problem talking cum at all. We calmed down and talked. We agreed to meet week later to have a second "lesson."
Dennis couldn't get there then, so I got Lou to take his place. Lou was short, beefy, very cheerful, and very hairy. He was fun to be around and easy going. He worked with children with learning disabilities. Lou was incapable of getting depressed or discouraged. He was ideal for that job.
Technically he wasn't good looking, but if you like your men manly. He was the guy for you. I think Dennis has planned to do a more detailed exploration of cock sucking. Lou liked fucking, especially if it involved a young man's cock up his ass.
Lou sucked Bill until he was rock hard and then sat on his cock. I fed Bill my cock and leaned over so I could suck Lou's cock as he bounced on Bill's cock. After about five minutes, Bill shot off in Lou's ass. I took Lou's cum as he shot off, and Bill took my load as if it were the best desert in a five-star restaurant. It was a total success.
We rested for a half hour and then Bill sat on Lou's cock. I fed my tool to Lou's mouth. I kissed Bill. He later told me that he didn't like kissing men, but I was different when there was a cock in his ass. When Lou shot off, we broke apart and somehow Bill's cock ended up in my ass. Since he had shot off earlier it took a long, pleasurable time for him to have another orgasm in my ass. Bill went home with a smile on his face.
I know that there is no better advertising than a satisfied customer. Bill was happy with us. He told other men who had similar worries and fears to his, that our serviced has resolved them. He was comfortable with gay men and with gay sex. He had friends who had similar fears and he recommended our low stress introduction to gay sex approach.
I had a call from Dabney Jones, the middle-aged son of my college's biggest donor. His father was an odd combination of cut-throat businessman and generous donor. He was nasty, mean, and cruel. He terrorized his only son, Dabney. Dabney was in my freshman English class. After he flunked the first test, I took him under my wing and taught him how to make it through college level classes. He graduated in the top quarter of his class. That was the high point of his life, most of which was spent hiding from his father.
Daddy died, and Dabney inherited a bundle. He knew Bill and came to see me. Dabney mostly played golf. He suspected that sex was more pleasurable than golf. Bill confirmed that. Dabney would have been handsome except he eyes tended to glaze over. He had a golfing friend, Traylor, with whom he had marginal sexual encounters. The were both terrified their fathers would discover their deep, dark secrets. Traylor knew Lou and loved his restaurant. Dabney wanted me to show him what to do.
Dabney and Traylor came to see me on a Monday night. I was with Lou and Mark. Mark just happened to drop in, but he was close to Lou, and I assumed he knew about my guests. We talked briefly and went to my bedroom where we stripped. Dabney must have spent time doing more than golfing. He was in good shape. He had a dusting of chest hair and a treasure trail to his bush Traylor was balding and blond. He has a beefy body and was adding weight. He has a fine coat of slightly reddish, blond hair over his entire body.
"Well guys, our first lesson is going to be in cock sucking. You have three choices. Pick one," I said. Traylor went for Lou. Dabney went to Mark. Traylor was soon enthusiastically sucking Lou. I had a feeling Dabney was waiting for the ghost of his father to appear and tell him to stop.
I went over to Dabney and whispered to him. "Just pretend every time you lick Mark's cock, your dad spins in his grave!"
A little later Traylor stopped sucking and asked, "What am I tasting oozing from Lou's cock?"
"Lou's balls are thanking you for your effort and encouraging you to keep up the good works," I said.
"It is, okay?" he asked.
"It sure is," I said.
"It's not cum?" he asked.
"Cum is thicker and squirts," I said.
"Shit, I knew that" Traylor said. "Do I have to take it?"
"Nope, but it's less messy when you take it. When I first take ii the first time, it means I want to know the guy I was sucking better," I said.
"I don't need to wait for my wedding night to take it?" he asked.
"Damn on my wedding night I'd expect it up my ass," Lou said. They laughed and rotated to the sixty-nine position and sucked each other.
"I'm getting close. Why don't you suck Russ for a while?" Mark suggested to Dabney.
"Professor Holmes was my teacher," Dabney said.
"That was years ago," I said, "Just think of sucking my cock for extra credit!" He laughed and took my cock head into his mouth.
They were both okay with sucking. They had been too up tight and timid to make the first move. Lou, Mark, and I aren't intimidating men, but sucking three men in one day was an achievement for them. Our event was a success for all three of them.
Dabney dropped by the next day. He wanted another session. He told me it had been educational. I asked if it had been pleasurable. He said it was.
"Helping a man to enjoy sex is our objective," I said. "For many people sex is evil and bad except in certain special cases. You had to be married and you had to have babies. Victorian prudery still has a grip on our culture. In some respect modern anti-gay attacks developed in the later 19th Century. It seemed to be ignored before that. The name "homosexual" was invented then."
"Well, my dad hated it," he said.
"I don't want to hurt you feeling, but you dad hated just about everything except for money. If he's singing with the angles in heaven. God has to be stunningly open minded," I said. We talked and I told him we could get together next Saturday afternoon. He said that was good for him.
That Saturday was Mark's birthday, and I was having a non-party for him. Mark didn't like birthday parties. He liked sex, so he pretended that group sex with his pals just coincidentally was on his birthday. With Dabney and Traylor that made six men. More than four men made it an orgy, and Mark loved group play.
I had a call from Traylor asking if his uncle could come. He had a successful interlude with him, and he wanted to do more. I asked if he knew it would include naked sex.
Traylor laughed. "I think that is what Uncle Joe likes!"
On Saturday, Lou and I greeted our guests naked. Mark and Dennis were the first to arrive, but Traylor and his Uncle Joe were shortly behind. Dabney was last. We were all naked by then. Uncle Joe was a good-looking, bearded man of about my age. He and Dabney stripped. Uncle Joe was in good shape and had no problem being naked with strangers.
Since I am a gay man, my eyes went to Jake's crotch. Strangely his cock looked familiar. There are levels of gayness. I am afraid when you can recognize a man by his cock, you are as gay as you can be.
"Are you Joe Wilson?" I asked. He said he was. "I'm Rusty Bucket from St. Columba's School for the Hopeless." That was my strict boarding school.
"Damn, I hardly recognized you." Joe said. "Traylor, Rusty was the first person to take my load and swallow it. That was the best night of my young life."
"We had a few good nights." I said. "You joined the army and we lost touch."
"I was working in Washington for the last thirty years. I just moved back a year ago," Jake said. "I'd like to catch up later, but I was hoping for an afternoon filled with sucking and fucking."
"We have a rule here. No conversation until we've all exchanged cum," I said.
"Damn, we still think alike!" Joe exclaimed.
One of the nice things about gay sex, is that if there is the slightest suggestion of sexual activity or a potential for sexual activity, the cock responds. We were all erect, or well on the way to a full erection.
Traylor came over to me, "Uncle Joe sucked me. I shot off, but he wouldn't take my sperm. Would you?"
I smiled. "Of course, I will. Your uncle was uneasy about taking my cock in his ass. He loved it when I came in him," I said.
"Do you think I would like it?" he asked.
"Maybe yes and maybe no," I said, "but it's better to know than to wonder what it would have been."
Uncle Joe was a good addition to our group. He didn't have a shy bone in his body. He loved sex was a sexual sparkplug. Traylor had the same potential. The party was a success.
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