Paul noticed that Jon stopped at the bar and ordered another drink, which he downed in two gulps before leaving. Paul was puzzled. Something must have happened to upset Jon, but he couldn't imagine what it might be.

The Inn - Chapter 3

Paul watched as Jon left the bar. He seemed to be walking okay, but Paul knew it was only a matter of time before the alcohol took full effect. Jon only had a half-mile to drive, and it wasn't on any highways. Still, he thought it would be a good idea to make sure Jon made it home safely.

After he finished his drink, Paul excused himself claiming he was bushed. He headed to the parking lot and got into his car.

"Should I play the Mother Hen, or not?" he wondered to himself. He decided he should. Something was really bothering Jon, and he was sure it was more than just work-related stress. He wanted to be there for his buddy and help him, if he could.

Paul pulled into Jon's parking lot, noticed his car was there, and found a space in the guest parking area. He went to the entrance and pressed the intercom button for Jon's unit. No answer. He tried again, and heard "Yeah."

"Hey, Bud, it's Paul. Wanna let me in?"

There was no response, but the door buzzed and Paul let himself in. He sprinted up the stairs and knocked on Jon's door. Jon opened the door, then turned abruptly and walked to the couch and sat down. The room was dark except for the light on Jon's computer desk.

Paul noticed that Jon had a beer in front of him, so he went to the kitchen and got himself one. He had a feeling he might need it. They sat in the semi-darkness for several minutes. Finally Paul spoke.

"Jon, what's going on? I haven't seen you in almost two weeks, and I know you've been working your ass off. But when you showed up tonight you were pretty much your old self. Then suddenly everything seemed to go south with you. Did I say or do something?"

"No," was Jon's only response.

"Well something sure as hell happened. We were looking forward to the four of us being together again for the night. Once Luke got there with the bimbo we were ready to party. Then you booked."

Jon sighed. "I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm just a wuss. I'll get over it."

Paul continued. "So what is it, Buddy? You're killing me. I know whatever it is it's really bothering you. I'm your friend. You can tell me anything--anything. Please let me try to help."

Jon regained some of his composure. "Paul, I know you're trying to help. But this is beyond your help or anyone else's. You can't understand, no one can understand. I'll get through this myself. I have to, and I will."

The two men sat silently in the semi-darkness for some time. Paul was rehashing the evening in his mind, trying to figure out what had happened. There wasn't that much that did happen. Jon was in a good enough mood when he arrived at The Inn, they had a drink, and everything seemed fine. Eventually Luke and the floozie came and the whole group was reunited. Paul couldn't remember any of the conversation being personal or controversial. So what happened? The only thing different was Luke bringing his new girlfriend. She wasn't what anyone would call a "catch," and she sure was overly possessive of Luke. Maybe Jon resented her intrusion into their group or that she was monopolizing Luke. But even if he did, Paul reasoned, there had to be more to put Jon into such an agitated state. Suddenly it hit Paul like a ton of bricks.

"Oh Jesus Christ!" Paul exclaimed. "It's Luke, isn't it?"

"What?"

"You have a thing for Luke. I mean, I always noticed how you seemed to pay a lot of attention to him and all. I never really gave it much thought. I figured you guys were just very good friends and liked each other a lot. But it goes much deeper than that, doesn't it?"

Paul wasn't uncomfortable with his realization. It just surprised him. He hadn't seen it coming. But now it made sense. He'd wondered why Jon never expressed too much interest in women, especially since women tended to flirt with him and vie for his attentions. Jon was just friendly to everyone, but he never went any further.

Jon looked into his friend's eyes for several moments. Finally the dam burst. "Jesus, Paul, you're worse than Cathy when it comes to reading my mind. When I saw Luke with that tramp I just snapped. I know you don't understand it, but I guess I've been carrying a torch for Luke since the day I met him. I know it's stupid, I know nothing will come of it, but it doesn't stop me from caring for him. And if you ever breathe a word of this conversation to anyone, I'll haunt you the rest of your life. God, I can't believe I just said all that shit."

"Does Luke know? Does he know how you feel?"

"No, thank God."

"Jon, you know how much I care for you and value you as a friend. I've suspected you were gay for a while, but it doesn't matter to me. And I'm sure it wouldn't matter to Joe, or even Luke for that matter. My little brother is gay, and we used to talk about and agonize over his love interests together. We're very close. But what caused this meltdown tonight?"

"I don't know," Jon answered. "Yeah, I do know. It was seeing Luke with the bimbo, as you put it. Maybe I could have handled it better if she was beautiful and charming. More what I feel he deserves. I don't know, maybe not. Whatever. I guess it was that I was finally hit with the fact that he's straight, and I don't have a chance."

"Well buddy," Paul said, "maybe not, but you still have your pals, and that includes Luke. That will never change. And as my sister used to say, 'Boys are like buses; if you miss one, there's always another on the way.'"

In a quiet voice Jon said, "I think I hit the end of the line with Luke."

Fall was rapidly approaching, and activities slowed. Socializing became limited to evenings at Cathy's or one of the guys' places, or The Inn. More often than not Luke declined invitations, or occasionally showed up with the bimbo on his arm. The men truly made an effort to make her feel welcome but generally she spent the evening making it painfully obvious she'd rather be somewhere else. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where that might be. Paul was impressed that Jon was able to keep up a front. He knew the pain Jon was going through, but Jon seemed to be doing okay, probably because Luke didn't socialize with the gang too often any more. They'd all asked him to join them on numerous occasions, but he seldom accepted. Eventually the three became comfortable with their smaller group with Cathy occasionally joining them. Jon's feelings for Luke, though still strong, were just beginning to become more tolerable. Jon even met a couple of guys he considered dating.

As Thanksgiving approached, everyone talked about their commitments. Cathy was going to spend the day at her mother's house. Paul was going to Indianapolis to spend the holiday with his family; it had been two years since he'd been home. That left Jon and Joe, both of whom had no families in the area. Joe called Luke but, as usual, he wasn't free.

After work the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Joe and Jon were at The Inn.

Joe asked, "What are your plans for Thanksgiving?"

"Nothing, really. I'll probably just get some stuff and watch a DVD or something."

"Oh, come on," Joe said. "You can't do that. It's depressing."

"And what are you planning to do?" Jon asked.

"Well, I don't know. Something."

Jon said, "You'd better think of it soon. You only have 48 hours."

"Okay," replied Joe, "How about this--tomorrow we'll go to the Jewel and get a turkey. And some potatoes, cranberries, whatever. And charcoal. Then Thursday morning we'll set up the Weber outside and grill the turkey. Waddaya say?"

Jon turned and smiled. "Are you nuts? I've never grilled a turkey."

"Yeah, I am." Joe retorted. "I've never done it, either. How hard can it be?"

"No, actually, it sounds kinda fun. Okay, I'm in. Who's gonna do the shopping?"

"We both will," Joe said. "That way we can get whatever we want that makes Thanksgiving what it means to us. Everyone has their own memories of the foods we celebrated the holidays with. Personally I want to get hearts of palm for a salad."

Jon smiled. "Well, I'll try that if you'll try my white asparagus. It's also a salad type thing."

"You've got a deal."

The guys celebrated with high-fives and it was settled. The next day Joe drove both of them to the Jewel and each grabbed a shopping cart. By the time they wound up at the checkout one would think they'd been stocking up for the winter. When all the groceries were loaded into Joe's trunk they had to re-arrange to get the trunk to close. It took both of them two trips to haul all their loot to Joe's place.

The next morning, Thanksgiving, Jon got up early, headed to his storage locker, cleaned up the Weber and headed off with it to Joe's. As the rather unstable wheels on the Weber made tracks through the snow, Jon wished he'd loaded it into the car instead of trying to drag it. Eventually he made it to Joe's building and set the kettle up in the courtyard, then headed back to the parking lot to retrieve the charcoal.

As Jon was arranging the charcoal in the Weber he heard footsteps in the snow behind him. It was Joe.

"I saw you out here and figured you probably haven't had breakfast. Here's a bacon sandwich and some coffee to tide you over."

Jon was touched. "Thanks, Joe. That's really nice of you."

"Hey, gotta keep the chef happy," Joe replied.

"What makes you think I'm doing the cooking? I'm just the set-up guy."

"Yeah, right. I know you've been taking lessons from Cathy. I leave everything in your very capable hands."

"And what, exactly, are you going to do?" Jon asked with mock annoyance.

"I'm the clean-up crew. But it might take a couple of days."

An hour later they had the bird on the grill and the domed top in place. They were a little unsure how to adjust the vents, but eventually decided half-open would be a good compromise. They stood back to admire their accomplishment.

They heard a patio door slide open behind them. Turning, they saw two men come out and look at them curiously.

"Are you guys die-hard barbeque fanatics?" inquired the taller of the two.

Jon laughed. "No, we just decided to do something different for Thanksgiving."

"Well, it smells wonderful. We should have thought of that, Ron."

"I don't think so. You just figured out how to turn on the microwave."

They all laughed and Joe said, "Hi, I'm Joe, and this is Jon. I live on two."

"I'm Jimmy, and this is Ron. We just moved here two weeks ago."

Joe continued, "Nice to meet you. I've seen you guys once or twice, but haven't had a chance to introduce myself."

Ron asked, "Do you guys grill year-round?"

Jon answered, "No, this is a first. Joe and I found ourselves alone this holiday, so we decided to do something crazy. We don't know how it'll turn out, but nothing ventured, as they say."

"Well, good luck. I'm sure it'll be great. At least from the smell it should be," Jimmy said.

A few hours later Joe and Jon had their banquet set up. The turkey turned out perfectly and they continued to nibble on salads and garnishments throughout the night. Finally they both collapsed on the couch and turned on the TV. Nothing much was on, so Joe turned the volume to low, just to have the background noise.

"Jon, do you drink coffee this late?"

"Sounds good."

"One of my indulgences on holidays, along with a cup of coffee, is a snifter of Grand Marnier. Ever had it?"

"It's my one downfall."

"Coming right up."

The two sat on the couch, sipping their coffee and cordials and glancing at the TV on occasion, just relaxing and enjoying the peaceful evening. Finally Joe spoke.

"What did you think of Jimmy and Ron?"

Jon didn't know where this was going. "I don't know, they seemed nice. We didn't really get a chance to get to know them."

"I know," Joe said. "But do you think they're a couple? As in married?"

Jon thought for a moment. "I don't know. But what if they are?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just wondering what your take on them was."

Jon didn't know how far he wanted to go with this. He'd poured his soul out to Paul, but as far as he knew neither Joe nor Luke knew he was gay. He wasn't afraid or ashamed to admit it, but he just wasn't sure he wanted to go there right now. Jon decided to have a little fun.

"So, are you asking if they gave me the secret handshake?"

"The what?"

"The secret handshake. Everyone knows gay men have a secret handshake."

"You're shittin' me."

"No, really. I can't believe you don't know that."

"Damn, what's it like? Not that I'd ever use it. On second thought, I don't want to know."

"Well, it starts like this." Jon slowly extended his hand toward Joe. "Then..."

"Never mind. Forget I asked."

Jon erupted in laughter. "I love it! I got you hook, line and sinker! You really believed me, didn't you?"

Joe started to laugh too. "Well, it sounded possible. Kind of like a fraternity-type thing. Okay, I'll admit it. You got me."

The two men settled back as their laughter subsided. They were both feeling the effects of the turkey and Grand Marnier. Finally Joe broke the silence.

"You know, Jon, I've really had a good time the past couple of days with you. I know I'm the quiet one in our group, that's just the way I've always been. Sometimes I feel like I'm an outsider, a fifth wheel. It's not that I'm anti-social, I just tend to listen more than I talk."

"Joe, no one feels that way. We love you and you're just as important a part of the gang as any one of the rest of us. We're a team. At least that's how I think of us. As they say, 'All for one and one for all.'"

"Yeah, thanks. Sometimes I feel like I'm not pulling my weight. I think of us as a team, too. I worry about us breaking up. Since Luke's been MIA I'm afraid we'll drift apart."

"I don't think that will happen," Jon said. "We're all pretty tight and we have a lot of fun together. I even think Luke will re-join the flock one of these days. At least I hope he does. He can't stay secluded in his lair forever."

"He isn't really secluded, you know. I think she moved in with him."

"No shit? I didn't know that." Jon felt a pang.

"I'm not a hundred percent, but she might as well. She spends enough time over there. I pass his place on my way to work, and her car is usually in the lot."

Jon thought about that for a couple of minutes. The unexpected news pained him and made him a little angry, but he was surprised he didn't feel worse than he did.

"Maybe I'm finally coming to my senses," he thought. "It's about time. If I keep waiting for Luke, I'll be an old man, all alone."

# # #

My thanks to all of you who have taken the time to email me. Suggestions and comments, both good and critical, are appreciated. Email me at:

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