Copyright 2023 -- Daemon D. Hart
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The Human Bearer
Names kept falling off his lips. "Xeus... Xana... Florent..."
He believed he had to be dreaming because he only had a vague sensation of his body being immersed in a large mass of liquid, something viscous that made all his movements slow. But the pain he felt inside his chest was real. His brain kept replaying the same thing all over again. Before his eyes, Gamni Gafilos with little Xeus in his arms rose like an ominous column of alien flesh, throwing his large shadow over him, making him feel nothing but fear and hate down into the marrow of his bones.
"Riordan." The voice floated to him, and he struggled to open his eyes. "Riordan, come back to me." The hurt inflexions of the sounds he heard finally reached him.
It took him so much effort, to do a simple thing like this. But, when he did, his eyes fell on his master. Xana was watching his face with so much tenderness that he forgot his pain for a moment.
"No," he whispered, "he took him... the boy... Did you get him? Did you kill that bastard?"
Xana shook his head. "Easy, don't exert yourself. Your body still needs some time and healing."
Riordan realized slowly that his body was immersed in a large tub. The substance around him had to be seth. Nonetheless, he didn't have time to waste.
"We must catch Gamni, Xana. He has our boy!"
There was no reaction from his alien husband. Only his green eyes seemed to grow larger. Riordan felt a chill moving down his spine and began to tremble.
"Don't tell me... Don't tell me that he killed him!"
"Riordan, don't--" Xana struggled to keep him down as he made an attempt to push himself up and out of the seth bath. "Gamni Gafilos got away. For now."
"Do you know that he has Xeus? Do you realize it? What it means? Why don't you say anything? Why don't you say his name?"
There was nothing for him to read on that implacable handsome face. Riordan heard a hiss and jerked violently. It sounded like when Gamni Gafilos had entered the cell to torture him by taking away his son. He growled, low in his chest, like a wounded animal.
"Is he still in pain?" he heard someone talking.
"No, his physical condition has improved to almost normal levels," Xana explained to the newcomer, his voice even and void of emotions.
"Riordan," the other voice said with authority, making him turn his head.
He stared at Marn Savier, without understand who he was seeing. "You bastard," he hissed. "You!"
"Riordan," Xana said sternly. "Address His Royal Chancellor properly."
"Fuck you," he howled, "fuck all of you! My baby... where's my baby?"
Marn made the mistake of trying to touch his head. Riordan snapped and hit the hand trying to caress him.
"You did this! It's because you wanted to use Florent as bait!" The thought of the friend who helped him the best he could made him choke again. "Did you save him, too? Or is he of no use to you now?"
"Riordan!" Xana shouted at him.
"We brought him over," Marn replied, without showing a sign that Riordan's behavior was getting to him. "He shouldn't have survived a wound like that. But he did."
"And Xeus? My baby?"
Marn shook his head slowly. "He has fallen into the hands of the enemy. I'm sorry, Riordan. You are young. And Xana, too. You will have other--"
"What?!" He had pushed himself up and he was standing there, naked, seth pouring down on him, facing Marn with everything he got. "How can you even say such a thing? My boy is one of yours! Are you writing him off? Like he's nothing? I thought you cared about your offspring!"
He moved his eyes to Xana, and met nothing but that opaque look, and something else. As if Xana could barely bear to look at him. But of course. He had failed. He had nothing left now.
"Get out!" he began shouting. "Why do you even bother?"
"Your shock is understandable," Marn said. "But I must question you while your human memories of the incident are still fresh. Florent Kasido is still in critical condition and we cannot use him. You are our only chance to understand--"
"Understand this! I hate you all! I hate you..." He dropped to his knees in the viscous bath, his energy drained. He could only tell that he was crying.
"Riordan," Xana leaned over him, "if you only care about Gamni Gafilos not getting away with it, tell His Royal Chancellor everything you know."
He registered the way Xana pulled away and then disappeared from the room. He had nothing left. Xana acted like he didn't care about the lost Xenolite, but it was something else entirely. A terrible tremble took over his body. That was where they drew a line, right? He had lost the boy, so Xana didn't care for him anymore.
Marn pulled him into his arms, a gesture that seemed so out of place seeing who the one making it was. Riordan felt his head pressed against the Xeno's hard chest and let all his pain take over. There was nothing for him to do, Xeus was nowhere he could reach him, kept by arms that didn't deserve to hold him, watched over by hateful eyes.
He slammed his fists against Marn's chest, but the Xeno appeared impervious to both his cries and physical assault. He just held him close until there was no will left in him and broke down in a prolonged sob that didn't seem to have an end.
Help me, Riordan.
He shook his head although Marn was only reaching him telepathically.
Help me. Don't protect our enemy. Xana's son will be avenged.
"Don't talk about him as if he's dead!"
Marn grabbed his arm before Riordan could hit him in the face.
"Enough." His voice was cold and measured. "Your human foibles have been entertained enough. I do not wish to force you to deliver all the information I need. I am still asking."
"He's not dead," Riordan whispered. "Florent said... he saw what the general was thinking... he won't kill Xeus."
"It doesn't matter. We will have to destroy the general's ship."
"What?" Riordan stared into the stern eyes, not understanding at first. "No. Xeus is there. Do you want to kill him? Kill my son?"
"He is Xana's son," Marn threw at him. And then, he appeared to show a shadow of understanding. "Not yours only. Xana's pain is even greater than yours."
"Is it? He just walked out on me! Don't you think I understand? I failed, Marn. And I know it. But please, I beg you," he whispered as his thoughts began to take shape. "Keep me around even if I'm useless as a bearer. I'll train, learn, whatever it takes. I want to help you catch that bastard and make him pay. Let me get my boy back. Just... please, don't kill him."
"Let's start with this," Marn said gently. "Tell me everything you remember. I know it's hard, but please make the effort."
"Of course," Riordan agreed, trying to chase away the tears in his eyes. "I will do that." Marn didn't contradict him that he was finished as a bearer. Xana's bearer. Regardless of what Marn had mentioned in the beginning, about having other Xenolites together. He couldn't see himself doing that. Not that. He couldn't abandon the Xenolite he hadn't gotten the chance to hold in his arms. If it was the last thing he did, he would get the boy back. Even if it cost him his life.
Marn began probing his mind and Riordan didn't offer any sort of opposition, replying all his questions. The only thing he didn't say was how Florent had survived. He didn't tell Marn about the sangar Cario made. It was a primal instinct to keep that hidden from His Royal Chancellor. Because Riordan believed now that Cario could make something not even these Xenos could. Florent shouldn't have been alive? That was what they had said. But he did. And it had to be because of that substance Cario in his stroke of genius had prepared.
That was all he needed. A shield from pain, and he would jump through the cold empty space to reach Gamni Gafilos and strangle him until there was no life left in him.
"Kyle," he said once he saw the bot.
"Master Rio." Even Kyle showed more humanity in how he said his name, compared to Xana, the way he had been when leaving the room and him alone with Marn.
"I came to tell you that I will live somewhere else on the ship. His Royal Chancellor agreed. But you've been my friend and I want to do this. To tell you goodbye in person. Of course, not that you won't see me around... but you'll probably have another bearer in your care."
"Master Rio, this can't be. Master Xana needs you."
"I don't think so. I failed my duty. And Xeus is now lost. I will not rest until I get my... Xana's boy back. It's the only thing I have to do."
"Master Rio." Kyle stopped brusquely. And then, using the undulations he must have learned while self-educating himself, "It's the first time in my existence since I left the factory that made me that I cannot compute what happened." There were both wonder and anxiety in how the bot said that.
"Care to explain?"
"You disappeared. From Master Xana's quarters. It was as if one moment you were here, and the next you were gone. I verified my systems. I sustained a half an hour blackout. According to the research I conducted, it happened the same with the entire ship, with all the electronics, all the systems."
"For real?" Riordan wished he knew how that had happened. "But how come... anyone survived?"
"They shouldn't have. I've run computations over and over again, but nothing seems right. Of all the knowledge I have, nothing can explain it."
"Gamni Gafilos used a lure, Florent said..." Riordan rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. "Something about his telepathic abilities. The general is capable of much more than other Xenos. But I don't know what. I don't make much sense, do I?"
"Does Master Xana know of your decision? He instructed me to prepare everything for tonight. For both of you. Dinner. Further treatment for you, as well."
"His Royal Chancellor will tell him everything. I don't want to see him."
"Why?"
"Kyle, you make me regret teaching you how to be human."
"That is not something you can take back, Master Rio. What will my purpose be if not to serve you? I will ask Master Xana to allow me to follow you. He agreed before."
"I don't think he will, this time. It's different. It's not that I don't need you or no longer consider you a friend, but this is something I must do."
"What is? Can you at least tell me?"
Riordan stopped for a minute to look around and sighed. "Marn agreed to let me be part of the team that will take down Galatea from the inside. If our attempt fails, he will destroy the ship with the general in it. And not only him, of course."
"You will be dead if this fails." Kyle remained silent. "Master Xana cannot agree."
"It's not his choice. It's mine."
He heard the door opening behind him. It would be the hardest thing to do, to tell Xana goodbye, as well, but that wasn't even a choice, as he had told Kyle. It was a need that overwhelmed everything he felt or thought.
"Leave us," Xana ordered.
Kyle obeyed.
"I believe you must have heard from Marn by now." He turned to face his... former master. He hadn't asked His Royal Chancellor about details, whether he still belonged to Xana or not, but since he was allowed to do something so terribly dangerous, he didn't see how that could be the case.
"He told me, yes."
Xana made no move to come closer or touch him. He just held his gaze, and there was nothing in it. Nothing Riordan could read, at least.
"I will bring him back," Riordan said.
"No, you won't." Xana's eyes flickered for a moment, so brief that it could be just as well a figment of imagination on his part. "You will die."
"Then I'll die trying."
"I see. All this time, you lectured me about love, your Earthian concept of caring and attachment. If you believed those words when you said them, are you lying to me now? Or are you simply fickle, just as your species is known to be?"
"I don't understand you." Riordan searched the smooth beautiful face, trying to see anything, a sign that he could get to Xana and make him understand. "Don't you care about Xeus? He needs me." He didn't dare to use the word `us'.
"Unlike you, I don't experience emotions that drag me in all directions as they see fit. The boy is lost." A small pause, and then, "You're not."
"What? Is that how little you care about him? After all that talk about your species and how much importance you place on your eggs? Your future?"
"Little?" Xana moved fast and caught his arm, squeezing so tightly that Riordan had to set his teeth hard to prevent himself from crying out in pain. "His Royal Chancellor is correct. As long as you are here, mine, we can have another--"
Riordan had no idea he had it in him. With a growl of pain, he hit Xana in the face. He did it so brusquely, so hard, that for a moment, Xana appeared to lose his balance. Nothing more than that happened, of course. But there was a drop of blood at the corner of his mouth, and now his eyes burned brightly.
He expected retaliation, but instead, Xana grabbed him and kissed him hard on the lips. He forced him to taste his alien blood, but not only that. Riordan thought he knew his husband, the rationale he used in everything he did. But this desperation in his kiss was new. Despite himself, he grew weak into the hold.
"Don't leave, Riordan. We can always tell Marn you changed your mind. I can't allow you."
"Are you going to keep me here against my will? While that horrible Xeno has our boy?"
Xana hugged him tightly, showing no sign to let go.
"The only thing that matters is that you stay here, safe."
"No, you're wrong, Xana. I'm not safe. I disappeared from this place we called ours. Kyle says he has never encountered anything like this. Gamni Gafilos is ahead of all of us. And I can't let him have Xeus. Every moment--"
"Stay, Riordan," Xana said and there was a small tremble in his body.
Are you scared?
Xana didn't say anything. Riordan felt his heart breaking, but his choice had been made.
"Call me a weak human, anything you want, but I have hope on my side. Yes, hope. Xana, if you..." -- he didn't dare to say the word `love' -- "care about me, the way you can, the Xeno way, you will let me leave and do what I chose."
"Do you love my Xenolite more than you love me?"
How could he even ask such a thing? Riordan felt sadness washing over him. "Yes," he whispered, although it wasn't true. It was because he loved Xana that he couldn't bear the thought of Xeus in the hands of their enemy. But how could he explain that to an alien who couldn't understand love? He loved Xeus because he loved Xana, and there was no competition.
"I will go now," he said.
"I can't let you."
"You will. His Royal Chancellor asks it of you. You can't go against him, and I'd rather you didn't, anyway."
"No, he will have to take me away from you if he dares. I can't allow it. You told him all you knew."
"You should be the first to want to go after the general," Riordan whispered. "How can you let him get away with it?"
"I'm not. I proposed His Royal Chancellor the plan that involves destroying Galatea. It's the only way to get rid of him."
"That will only make sure that Xeus will be killed," Riordan said. "How could you even think that, Xana? Don't you care--"
"I care! But only about you! I can't bear another moment to let Gamni Gafilos breathe! He has the means to drag you away from me. I cannot let him live. So, give up on your suicidal plan. I don't want you to die."
Riordan used all his force to push Xana away. "I made my choice. And my choice is your son. I know you can't understand it. I love you, Xana. Always remember this."
He moved slowly past his master, owner, husband, the only love he had known in his life before seeing those dark eyes, so much like his, staring at him over a tiny shoulder. Xana didn't stop him. He didn't move at all.
tbc
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