THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO NATE
Author's Nate:
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THREE
So, I kind of had a boyfriend. And I was really, really happy about that.
I went to his family's nursery the next Saturday. It was spring and people were showing up to buy stuff to start their gardens or flower beds. My job for 8 hours was mainly to stack 50 lb bags onto the floats and load them into people's cars. It was hard work but I didn't mind. I was building muscle. That's the way I looked at it. And Daniel's stepfather paid me $100 in cash for the day's work. He told me to come back next Sarurday and the next 4 saturdays. They were nice to me and I wondered if they knew what me and Daniel had done. Well, I'm sure they didn't but I wondered if they knew that we were ... sort of boyfriends? Maybe?
I wsa brave enought to ask Mr Franklin if I could have some of the thin flowre bickets they were poing to throw away and then bought 2 bags of compost at wholesale price. Then I bought some seeds. All I really needed then was a shovel and, believe it or not, you can find stuff like that at the Goodwil to. I had a plan. I was going to grow tomatoes, peppers, squash, radishes and carrots from seeds. I was sure I could do it. Since a hundred pounds of compost was more than I could manage on my bike, Daniel had to drive me home. Hr was okay with that.
When we got back to my place, we got in the shower. Together. It was a lot of fun. Sexy fun.
I soaped his back, ridges and grooves of msucles, firm but yeilding flesh. It was cool, the hot water beating down on us, me massaging his back. Then his butt. He turned me around and did the same to me, massaging my naked, water soaked back. His touch on me was electrifying.
Dried off and we were naked. He was gorgeous. Broad shouldered. Narrow waisted. Beautiful. Sweet and passionate. He was over me on my bed. I had a little bit of hair on my chin, growing a litle beard. He put his mouth over mine and his tongue met mine. I reached up and put my arms around his strong back. I wanted to pull him towrad me but he had his hands holding him up like a push up. I could see the hair under his arms and the hair between his legs and I could see that his thing was beginning to get swollen. Mine too. I was hot.
"You are so sexy" he said
I scrunched up my face. "You're the sexy one" I said
He held my chin and looked like he was going to say something but then he reached down and kissed me. I wanted to paw at him, feel his muscles, his smooth skin. I was hard. He worked down my neck, kissing me. It tickled but it was good. Down to my chest and he sucked on my nipple. I gave a start. He stopped and looked up.
"That hurt?"
"No, it felt good" I said. Who knew that boy boobies are sensitive too.
He went back and sucked on it, rubbing it with his tongue and hen very gently biting on it. Then the other. I stroked my hard self as he did. It really did feel good. Then rubbing his hands on my sides, he kissed down my belly to my crotch. I had trimmed back the black pubes some and it made it look bigger, even though I still don't think I am very big at all.
He took it in his mouth and I laid my head bck, I liked it. His mouth felt good on it, warm and wet, even if he wasn't that careful about teeth. He licked at wiht this tongue, his hand stroking it beneath where his mouth was. I had to moan. I had to. No choice.
"Uhhh" I let it escape. "That feels so good, Daniel"
He wasn't quite able to take me all the way down before he choked. But he worked the head and the first part of the shaft really good. And he stroked me. I reached down to rub my balls but he pushed my hand out of the way and did it himself. He jiggled them and tugged on them as his other hand stroked my hard pole. Then he got down there and put my left nut in his mouth and sucked.
Oh my God!
That's incredible.
"Uhhh, uh, uh, uhhhh" I groaned "Yeah"
He rubbed me in that hairy patch between my balls and my butthole and I thought I would die. It felt so good. Then back on my dick and I didn't think I could stand it. I was lost in ecstasy. But I knew, what conscious thought I could muster, that I wouldn't last long. I pulled on his shoulders to get him to come up and eh wouldn't.
"Let me do you" I said
He ignored me. He kept going. So good. So good. Beyond good.
"Daniel"
He ignored me and kept on working me down there. His mouth, his tongue, his hand. I moaned again. Too good. Oh God, it was perfect.
"I'n going to cum" I said
He didn't come off of my dick. I thought he would. He kept working it, stroking me harder the closer I got. I could only lay back and let it come. I had no other choice.
"Ooohh" I grunted and I filled his mouth with my semen
A wave of pure pleasure, pure joy, electric ecstasy swept over me. It was overpowering. It was blinding. It was like being hit hard by a wave at the beach and jumping up laighing. I could only breath hard and try and gather my thoutght.
"You want me to ..." I asked
He didn't answer. He laid back and stroked himself. He was hard. He would gathr up his foreskina nd play with it, rubbing his cockhead wiht the skin before flailing at his pole. It was weird watching another guy play with himself but I liked it. It was interesting and erotic and great I could see his balls begin to tighten up against his body and his dick quicer. He hot out a geyser of creamy white jizz.
"That was fun! he said
"Yeah" I smiled "It was"
I felt like I was rich. That Sunday after the last membership class, we went to the Boston Market and I splurged, getting whatever I wanted, even dessert. Daniel kind of laughed at me about it but I didn't care. I was on top of the world. Everything was light and beautiful. I liked jsut being around him. I listened to what he had to say and I drank it all in. I liked the sound of his voice.
"I have all afternoon free" he said
I smiled. "Good"
I wanted to spend it in his arms. I wanted that mroe than anything else in the world. In his arms, bodies against one another was perfection itself. He wrapped me up in his arms and we kissed, our naked bodies pressed together The more we did it, the more comfortable I was being naked in front of him. I once had been fat and now I thought was underdevekoped, lean but not muscular. I was doing sit ups and pushups and things like that but I was just not right physically. Not perfection like him. But I got to be held by perfection. By lean musclea and a hairy urgent body. His rod was stiff and pressed against mine in the same condition.
He touched me there and I quivered. Just a light graze, his finger on my member, and I shivered. It was so good. Then a light stroke. And it was delicious. Insanely intese. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to touch him. There was no power in the universe that could convince me that I shouldn't touch or be touched. It was insane. They had lied to me. All of them. The preacher and the conversion therapy people and my parents.. Being touched and touching is the best, the greatest. It is right. It is good. Eveyone wants it. Everyone should.
I stroked his hardness. I rubbed it. I gathered up the foreskin of it and nibbled on it playfully with my lips. Then I put my tongue underneath the foreskin around his sensitive cock head. I loved nothing more than sucking his dick. Actualy, I loved it all, the kissing and the touching and sucking and beng sucked. But I loved giving him pleasure. I loved turning him own. I loved that I could make him respond to me.
He flexed and drove his hard shaft into my mouth. It was an instinct, I guess, that all men have., to drive it in. I liked that he did. I wanted him masucline. I wanted him male. He held my head and pushed it in. I tried not to gag or choke btu but then I did, coming off the shaft of it, coughing. But I wnt back on it. I took him deeper than I ever had. I was getting better with practice. And I was an enthusaastic lover. That thick tube of slesh, so beautiful and erotic, I sucked it and worked it with my tongue
"I want you: Daniel said
We laid head to toe. I could get at him and he could get at me. It was good. His mouth on me, my taking him in. He licked and he stroked my hardness, played with my balls as I licked and stroked him. We gave as we took. It felt so good, so amazing. I had to groan a bit, just from the sensation of it. I worked him, worshpped it with my mouth, stroked it with my hand.
"I'm going to cum" he cried
I let the sperm fly out and I watched. It coated my face. I had my tongue out to taste him
THen he stroked and licked me. I breathed hard and took it in. When I came, I came in a blaze of white light.
The guy that did the flower beds and grounds at the church was an older guy named Fred. I wanted to volunteer to help him, be his assistant. The next Saturday, after working for Mr Frankin, I went to the church and helped him. The flowers and the grounds were spectacular. He did a really good job. I didn't mind weeding and stuff. I could just do it, concentrate on what I was doing, and not talk.
"What I like about you, Nate, is companionable silence" Fred said to me.
The next couple of weeks, that was the pattern. I worked for Mr Franklin and then went to the church and helped Mr Fred for a couple of hours. Then me and Daniel would go out. Or not. Sometimes not.
It was maybe the seond or third time when Reverend Sherry came out to see how we were doing and to bring us some lenonade. It was pretty hot and I was glad she did. Fred is a work-a-holic and tough for his age. I had trouble keeping up with him.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked Reverend Sherry
"Of course you can. Do I need to sit down for it?"
"I don't know" I said, as she sat down on the concrete side of a planter. "So, the Bible says that being gay is wrong. Well, maybe not being gay but doing gay stuff. Sex. Right? But it doesn't seem wrong. I don't understand why it's a sin. I thnk that sin is being mean to other people, doing other people wrong. I don't know who I am hurtng"
As soon as I said it, I thought about my parents. Maybe I was hurtng them. Maybe but maybe not. Maybe they were glad I was gone and out of their lives. It seemed like it. After all, they regretted adopting me since I had turned out like I did. And they had a son that they could be proud of instead of me. I don't know. Maybe I had hurt them. But then I thought that I didn't care. They had hurt me. I wasn't proud of that thought and I wouldn't ever say it out loud but I did think it.
"Well, Nate, I think you are asking the wrong question. There are a lot of people who use 'clobber verses', like Levitcus 18:20 or 20:13, I Corinthians 6:9-10 or Romans 1 or I Timothy. Being gay is something that the Bible addresses in passing. Not something it dwells on. People have built a whole theology out of a few fleeting references. And they are trying to apply it outside of it's historical context. There was a powerful stigma back then for a male being penetrated by another male. I don't think you can understand those verses without considering their context in that era and society. But that's not the important thing. What is important is what God expects of all of us. The theme of the Bible is Micah 6:8. 'What does the Lord require of you? That you act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your Lord.' That's the part that matters. :Love your neighbeors matters. Who you sleep with doesn't, so long as it's consensual, respectful of the rights of others, not coercive or manipulative. I refuse to believe that a just and loving God rejects people for who they are. Does that help?"
"Yes" I said. I wasn't sure she was right but it did help me feel better about it. But the truth was that I just didn't think what I was doing with Daniel was wrong or bad. I just didn't. If the Bible said it was, the Bible was weong.
I thought about it. Maybe I wasn't cut out for blind belief. When I was 14 or 15 and studied evolution in school, it made sense to me. In my church, believing in evolution was a sin. The Bble was true. It was the only sure truth you could rely on. There was a garden nd there wws a flood. At first, I tried to rationalize it by saying that God could have created the universe in 6 days - a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years as a day - so that both could be true. But how do you get all the animals on the Ark? The kangaroes and he wallaby's and the lions. And what about the dinosaurs. You couldn't get two brontosauruses on the Ark. They would stomp the Ark flat As I got a litttle older, I figured out that those first few chapters were really just myths. They might mean something for theology or revealing the nature of God but they were figurative. Like a metaphor or something. And they were meant to be taken figuratively. I hadn't told anybody I believed that but I did. It might be true in one sense - it was true in the sense of God - but the Bible wasn't literally true.
I guess, looking back on it, that was the first step. Long before anybody knew I was gay.