THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO NATE
By
Encolpius
Author's Nate: This is a stroy where I;ve had the beginning tand the end for a long time but never could get the middle. This begins the middle.
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TWO
My old boss had helped me get a job at a grocery store. It was pretty high end store but they made out like they weren't. The buildng was built like a barn but it was air conditioned and nice. It was farm direct and it was mainly meat and produce with some staple items. I was a produce stock boy and the work was hard but I didn't mind. I can do hard work.
When I got off the bus in Florida, I weighed over 300 lbs. I had been heavy for a while but the last year or so had not been kind ot me. I had eaten a lot, out of depression, I guess. Anyway, I was fat.
I didn't make much money. About $230 a week net. I lived in what was basically just a funished room with a little kitchenette. I had a TV but it only got the broadcast channels. When I got there, I bought a bike for transportation. I know people must have laughed at me as I biked the 4 1/2 miles to work, a whale on a bike. I was trying to live on as little as possible since I made next to nothing and I only had so much saved. The thing is that at work, they did as much as they could to avoid spoilage. Once they discovered I was good with a knife, I got promoted and got a little raise, 25 cents an hour. When the peppers looked like they weren't going to sale, I sliced them and some onions to package for easy prep fajitas. Or peel and dice mangoes. That sort of thing. But there was still spoilage and I took as much of that as I could home for supper, fruit for breakfast. I couldn't really afford meat so I used beans and things like that, peanut butter when I wanted to splurge, for protein.
Pretty soon, I needed to go to the Goodwill and buy some new clothes The old ones were too big. It took a while but I bought the best clothes I could find and donated my old ones. I also discoved the library and got a library card. If I couldn't afford to go to college, I was at least going to read as much as I could, learn as much as I could. Maybe one day I would catch a break.
It didn't take long for me to decide that I couldn't make it on what I was making. I had saved money from working back home but I was having to dip into that nest egg to pay bills. I spent some time looking for another job. I found one working at a Burger King three nights a week It did help but it seemed like I was working all the time and not really making much headway. But I kept reminding myself that I was free. I could live my life as I wanted too. The weird thing was that after months of eating basically a plant based diet, the Burger King stuff didn't look all that appealing to me. Once in a while, I had a Whopper but I didn't have the fries or anything. That didn't seem to taste as good as I remembered.
Besides, I was kind of proud of my new body. I was down a lot, down to 220 on the produce scales with my clothes on. I had made a couple of trips to the Goodwill. The thing is that I did have good shoes. I paid extra for those. I bought good shoes. I was on my feet all the time. So I was 220 and I felt better about myself. I kind of wished I had enough money to buy a pair of sexy underwear. That would be cool. It would be cooler if there was somebody in my life to see me in them.
The truth was that I was lonely I knew people from work but that was it. I hadn't told anybody at work I was gay. I was kind of ashamed and the produce market was familty owned so I wasn't sure if being gay would be a problem or not. The BK, no way. I didn't want to be the gay guy with that crew. I definitely knew that it wouldn't be cool The only day I had for myself was Sunday, sometimes Saturday too.. I did bike to this adult bookstore but I was too embarassed to go in. It took until the second time before I did. Then I was so embarassed to buy a magazine - I splurged and got two, one called AllBoy and one called Playguy - but my face was crimson red when I put them on the counter and paid for it. They asked for ID since I guess I didn't look 18 so I showed them my Georgia's driver's license. I hadn't changed it. I knew I needed to even though I didn't have a car, Those magazines became treasured possessions. I looked at them a lot. And I didn't have to hide them. It might have been really small and really crummy but it was my place. I paid my own bills.
I'm not sure why I went. Somehow, I had heard of a church for gay people. When I did hear about it, I tuened it over in my head. Church had been really bad but I still believed in God and I didn't want to think He hated me just because I was the way I was. So, one Sunday, I put on the best clothes I had and I set out on my bike, It wasn't that far from where I worked, down a residential street. Then you could see the church and it looked like a regular church, with a steeple and everything. They didn't have a bike rack so I had to figure out where to chain up my bike. I couldn't afford for it to be stolen. My life would be a lot worse. But the grounds were gorgeous. They had all kinds of plants - a really, really good gardener had planned it - and instantly I wanted to volunteer to help keep it up. I like plants in a way I don't like people. Plants, flowers especially, just are. Flowers are just beautiful and they attract all kinds of little friends, bees and dragonflies and hummingbirds. Flowers are better than people.
I was a little embarassed when I went in. My clothes were cheap and used and I was underdressed and I had on sneakers. I sat in the back by myself. Some people came up and greeted me and, strangely, I felt like they didn't care that I was poor. The minister was a woman and that was weird. In the Baptist church, a woman would never be a pastor. She was, I thought, an obvious lesbian, real butch but I am gay too. It was more like Presbyterian or Episcopal than what I was used to. I didn't know the songs or anything and I felt like I stood out, even if I didn't.
As I went out, the woman preacher made a special point of greeting me. "I'm Reveremd Sherry. It's always so good to see new faces. What's your name?"
"Nate" I said
"I'm so glad you came Nate. Please promise me you'll come back next week, won't you? We would love to have you back"
"I think I will" I said "Who does your flowers?"
"It's a volunteer project" she said. "You can help if you like"
I nodded. "I really like the Mexican petunias. You almost can't kill them"
"We may have to get you involved, Nate!"
I did go back the next week. And I was a little less shy. And the next week and even more comfortable. I actually spoke to people. Each time, Reverend Sherry spoke to me as I was leaving like I was the most important person in the world. I liked that. She had noticed that I rode a bike there and she offered to have somebody pick me up. I was kind of embarassed about where I lived: there were a lot of junkies there.
"I don't mind. I like it. It's good exercise" I said
She smiled. "I understand"
And I thought she did. I knew she recognized that I was poor but I was proud. I was young and determined to make it all by myself, nobody's help. The next Sunday I stayed for a membership class. It was just me, an older male couple and a woman. The group leader was named Doug but he had a helper and his name was Daniel.
I liked Daniel the first time I saw him. He was Asian but not small. He was taller than me and kind of muscular. More muscular than me anyway. I was too shy to say anything to him directly. But my heart was pounding and my palms were sweating as I was around him. When he looked at me and smiled, I thought I might just melt into a puddle on the floor. They explained about the Metropolitan Community Church and what the beliefs were and the community. It was by and for gay people and trans people. They explained but I wasn't totally listening. I was looking at Daniel.
"Hey, Nate" he said as we left. "I was wondering if you wanted to get a bite to eat"
I stopped. I didn't respnd. I was too nervous. I definitely did. But there were all sorts of complications. I had a bike. I didn't have a car. Going out to eat is expensive. I didn't want him to know how poor I really was.
"Um, yeah. Where?"
"Boston Market?" It wasn't too far away. I nodded my head. I could get there easy on the bke. "I have the van from the nursery. We can put your bike in it and you can ride with me:
"Okay" I agreed.
My heart sank a little when we got there because it was so expensive. Eating with him was going to blow a hole in my budget but I still had some money saved. And I did want to spend time with him He was beautiful and he was gay and he was interested in me for some reason. He offered to pay but I tuened him down but I did have to borrow a dollar from him.
As we ate, I let him talk about himself. It's easier to listen than talk anyway and people usually like to talk about themselves. His mother was from Taiwan and his fathter American, in the Air Force. Or was. It wasn't a happy marriiage. Basically, I thought it had been an arranged marriage.
"He's gone, out of the picture. It took her a long time to leave him. My sister, Yolanda, was, like 14, so I was 10. But she left and we ended up here. She remarried, to Franklin. He owns the nursery"
"Do they know you are gay?"
"Yeah" he said "My mom, Franklin too, are pretty traditional Chinese so it didn't go over all that great but they love me and they have begun to get used to it. Really, they've come a long way. My mom is Pentecostal though, so there's still, you know"
"Yeah" I said "I do"
He asked about me. I didn't tell him my whole story but I did tell him that I had to leave. I had no other real option.
I didn't let him take me home since I was embarassed about where I lived. It was a dump. Not my place. I kept it tidy. The place generally. It was a lot of people down on their luck. But meeting Daniel did prompt me to get a phone. Even thogh it was another bill, I was able to talk with him on the phnne. I liked that. The next week at church, I stayed for the seond membership class and Daniel asked me again to go out to eat afterwards. I agreed because I just wanted to spend time with him. This time, though, I let him drive me home.
We pulled into what they hopefully called the "apartment community". It looked like old, poorly maintained buildings and I had a studio apartment. What I really wnated was to have a real apartment, one where I could have my own stuff but this is what I had for now. I was working toward something better
"It's not much" I said
"You have your own place. It's more than I have. I still live with my mom and Franklin" he said. "Do you want some extra work? It's spring and we have a ton of 50 lb bags of compost and mulch and stuff that need to be moved. You interested in maybe next couple of Sarurday's helping out at the nursery?"
"Yeah, I'd like that" I said. I didn't even ask how much it paid.
"Cool" he said. He went to sit on the couch and I realized that I had the Playguy magazine right there. I was totally ashamed. I moved to go get it when he picked it up.
"Sorry. I know I shouldn't have that" I said
"It's cool" he said. He flipped through the pages and came to the last pictorial of this skinny young boy named Johan. "That's hot"
"You think so?"
"I'm gay too, Nate. Remember?" he said. I nodded. He was, like me. "I don't have to be home for a while yet, you know"
My heart was racing. My palms sweaty. He was beautiful, sexy, gorgeous. Big black eyes. Golden bown skin against my more pale and freckled skin. I was so anvious I wanted to run away. Or jump on him and rip his clothes off. I didn't know which. Or both. I couldn't say anyting. I was too scared to talk. I was next to him on the couch, which I had spent a lot of time cleaning to make it be okay, and when he touched my face, I shivered. Just a touch and it was the best thing ever. Just a little touch, his hand on my cheek, tuning my head toward his. One touch and I was uncomfortably hard down there. Just one touch. My face was in front of his. He reached in and put his mouth on mine. His mouth on mine, open, our tongues met.
Oh God. I hope my breath doesn't stink. That's the thought I had. Stupid.
But he didn't stop kissing me.
And I liked it. I liked it a lot.
He put his hand on my chest. Just there, just on my left breast. I thought I would die. I pushed against his mouth, my tongue going wild. I wasn't a good kisser. I didn't hardly have any experience at all, just with Connor. That was it. I was so nervous and anxious. But I wanted to touch him. I reached out and felt his hard body, my hands on his chest. Feel hisi muscles. I got hot. Burning. Like I was on fire. He pushed me back on the couch, my head on the arm rest and kind of got over me, some of weight pressed against me as he kissed me. I liked feeling his weight on me. His hands on me. Under my shirt, against my bare skin. I was so hard down theer it was uncomfotable. Then he put his hand there.
I thought I would die.
"Daniel? Do you want to go to my bed?" I asked
He was up in a flash and I could see that his mid section was bulged out too. I figired he was as excited as me. I hoped he was anyway. In the little alcove that was my bedroom, he stripped off his shirt and I could see his lean and hard frame, his big pect musles and flat belly. It was beattiful. I looked at him sort of like the way I suppose straight boys look at girls breasts. It was just a beautfiful sight. I was a little shy about pulling off my shirt. I am a hundred pounds lighter than I was just nine months ago but I think I am underdevekoped and not nearly as sexy as he was. But I did and he was up next to me, kissing me passionately, his hand on my crotch before half throwing me on the bed and getting on top.
He put his hands on my face "You are so cute and you don't even know it" he said
"You're sexy" I said
He stood up and peeled off his pants and my heart really was racing and pounding. We were going to do more than kiss and I wanted to so bad. His pants came off and I could see his erection puffed out of his boxer briefs. I undid my pants and hiked up my butt to pull them off but I was also pulling off my underwear too. I stopped and pulled them back up. Why I don't know.
"No, I want to see" he said. I pulled them down and was laying there naked. Vulnerable. I was watching him intenetly to see how he responded to my naked body. He smiled. "God, you are big"
I looked down. I hadn't thought I was. I had always thought I was probably below average down there. He pulled off his underwear and I got to see his hardness. No longer than mine and not as thick with a mountain of black pubic hair. It was gorgeous. My dick twitched. I drank in the sight of it. The male erection is the single most beasutful thing on a person. It is perfect. He got on the bed and ran his his hand up my leg and to tmy thigh and I thought I couldn't stand it. He edged his hand over to it and looked up to see me.
He touched me there. I thought I would orgasm just then.
His hand on my testicles, on my penis. It felt so good. So perfect and so amazing. Beyond perfect.
He put it in his mouth and I thought I would die. I was breathing heavily He scrapped it with his teeth but he was stroking it and I didn't know if I could take it. It was so overpowering. I wanted it to last but I knew it wouldn't if he kept doing it.
"Let me" I said
His body was so perfect, so lean and fime and muscular. His nuts were were a dark brown and crinkled, wrinkled flesh, full and plump and his rod stood out as his pride. A thick tube on the underside and veins all around. He wasn't circumcised. I panicked for a minute. Connor had been. I didn't know what to do with an uncut dick I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything I had ever seen in my life. I grabbed it and sroked it. The skin slipped up and pver the head of his cock. It was funny and it was almost like I wanted to play wiht it. I pulled it up and down and he moaned loudly. He liked it. I guessed everybody did.
I put it in my mouth. He grabbed the base of it with his hand to pull the foreskin down. I moved it away. I wanted at it. Up and down I slid my mouth over it. is hardness in my mouth. My tonugue licked at it.
"Oh God, that feels so good" he said. "I love it"
And I was so turned on, incredibly turned on, doing that to him. My own twitched and I reached down and stroked it and almost regretted it. I was stil so close to orgasming. I worked on him so more, my togue and lips around it I had my hands on his tighteened up balls, masaging them
"Oh God!" he called out "Oh, God! I'm going to cum"
I wanted to taste him. I stroked my myself as I bobbed on him up and own some more, drining myself down Then he twitched and my mouth filled his hot hot cream, a little salty and a little bitter and thick. As soon as his came I stoked myself one last tug and I did too, flinging out my nut.
We kissed briefly and he got dressed. I didn't. I watched him and we didn't have a lot to say. Not at first. I admired his beatiful body . When he was clothed, he reached down and kissed me again.
"So next Saturday 8 am. Definitely come and work. And ..." he paused. and looked at me.
"And maybe we can hook up?" I asked
He nodded. I could tell he wanted to even if he was kind of sorting out what he was feeling right then.
I didn't feel guilty at all. It had been totally great. I had liked it a lot. All the times that they told me how disgusting and filthy and nasty and degrading sex bettween men was, they lied about it. It wasn't It was thrilling and exciting and totally wonderful. He was beautiful and it was perfect,e ven if it didn't last very long.
It's not a sin. It's not. I didn't care what they said. They were wrong. It was perfect. Perfect.