The Farm Hand...21b The Past..Future and the Return Home
The jolt of the car woke him up. He raised his head and looked around. They was Downtown. And Shawn had pulled into a parking lot. The air smelled good. It was a pasta smell. Shawn looked down at him and smiled. He pulled the car into a parking place and turned it off. Looking into his mirror he asked him if he was ready for suprise number one. ......................................................
The rumble of the wheels hitting the runway shook him out of his daydream. Jason was back in Indy, this time things were diffrent. He wasnt coming here for something good or a suprise. Something that no one ever wants to face. Taking a deep breath he stood up and waited to deboard. .......................................................
Back in the car again they headed off towards the east end of town. Jason looked out the window as the tall building's and people went by. It was so much diffrent then the country. So many people and so many place's. It seemed like the city was alive. As they pulled into the next stop, Jason could see a movie theater.
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Wondering to himself how hard this really was going to be he walked behind his Mother, looking for his friend in the crowd. The next couple of days were going to be hard ones. He was sure of that. The last couple of days had been hard enough already. Jasons eyes were puffy and red this morning. Trying to not think about things and relax hadnt helped any. Crying just seemed to happen at any time. Something he saw or remembered would bring them back. Wishing to himself that none of this was true. Trying to wake himself up from this dream.
Kevin was there, standing next to a rail waving at them. Jason noticed he didn't look much better then himself. His eyes red and his face swollen. I guess this isn't going to be easy for anyone really.
After short hugs, the three headed toward the car. Jason and Kevin loaded the bags in awkward silence. Kevin getting in on the drivers side and Jason sliding in behind his Mom. They started off towards where Jason never thought he would have to go alone. The sun was setting in the west and the traffic was growing along the interstate. .......................................................
Raising himself up, he bent down and took Shawn's hand in his. Lifting him up he put his arm's around him. Pulling him tight, as he broke the embrace. They headed off towards the house, hand in hand. The setting sun on their backs. .......................................................
Two hours later and hardly any talk except about things that had changed in the city they pulled into Kevins driveway. The house really hadn't changed except a fresh coat of paint. Tonight they could rest and prepare for the day ahead of them. Jason would see Shawns mom for the first time since the accident. It was really going to be hard on her he was sure.
Jason was laying in bed, they had ate a cold dinner that Kevins mom had made for them. Conversation around the table was kind of light. All the better he thought, it was going to be hard enough in the days to come. Jason kept asking himself why this had all happend. Why does something so good turn so bad so fast? It just couldn't be, It had to be a bad dream. Knowing the truth of it all and feeling the tears sweeling in his eyes, he turned towards the window. The moon was rising, its light shining down. Off in the distance he could see various pole lights at the farms and houses.
His mind wandered back to the nights Shawn use to take him for walks in the moonlight. Just the two of them, walking in nature. The only eyes around to look upon them those of animals hiding in the brush. Shawn always use to know the best places to go. Jason always felt more when he was with Shawn. The full feeling when it makes a person's heart swell with love.
His pillow was wet with tears. His nose running, he got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Trying to be quiet as he could. Flipping on the switch he saw a box of tissue, grabbing for two he blew his nose and looked at himself in the mirror. Why couldn't he keep it together? This was all to much for him. Shawn had made him a stronger person when he was with him. Made him realize just how much life was worth. And now he was all alone. Just like that, in a flash he was gone.
Like he had never been there before. Except in his mind and his dreams.
Laying down he pulled the covers over his head. Tears running down his cheeks he tried to hold it in but lost it. A thousand thoughts running through his mind. Trying to think of an answer to all of this.
If anyone in the house was listening, they could hear soft moans and sobs coming from upstairs. As a young man fought the battle between the loss of his friend and lover. .......................................................
The funeral was today. It was a rainy day, the wind was blowing. The sun was behind dark cloud's. No, bird's were singing their song's. The mood was dark and dreary. .......................................................
The thought of food this morning made Jason feel worse. He had been up bvefore anyone and had been laying in bed thinking of the past. About two hours later he could hear noises downstairs and realized the other must be waking up. Knowing he couldn't stay here all day he got up and started off towards the bathroom.
The water running down his back felt like a thousand fingers touching his flesh. Standing there in the stream he had forgoton about time until he heard a knock on his door. It was Brian he stuck his head in to tell him it was about time to head into town.
Jason couldn't help but notice how Kevin had looked him over and then his eyes shot to the floor. Was there something more there. Or was Jason just being himself. Steping out of the shower he let Kevin get one more look over before taking his towel and drying himself off. Jason had nothing to be ashamed of, sure he was nothing compared to Shawn. But hey against most guys Jason was doing good.
Jasons mom came into his room right before they headed into town for one more look over. Just to make sure everything was in place. She couldn't help making a coment of how fine and handsome he looked. Jason could feel his cheeks turn red. Why is it moms always have a way of making you blush. Oh well on to things to come. Looking himself over one more time he headed out the door.
The other were talking on the ride in while Jason looked out the window. He knew there would be a large crowd today. Shawn was a well liked man. It made Jason realized just how lucky a person he really was. He was the one person who got to call Shawn his own.
The funeral home was just around the block now. Jason could see the cars and trucks all along the street. Alot of people was going to be here. Lookng towards his mom he was glad she was with him. This wasn't something he would be able to do on his own. After Kevin found a spot, they headed towards the building.
Jason could feel the sweat roll down his back under the heavy jacket coat. His mom right beside him. Her hand took his as they walked through the door. She was here for him. To be the shoulder he would cry on, to be the one thing he could and would count on. Letting the other work their way in Jason took a second to relax and calm himself.
Checking himself one more time he headed in. Lite organ music was playing and the voices of others could be heard all around him. Off in the corner was a group of friends Jason recognized. Tearful faces trying to muster a smile as he walked towards the front of the room. Stoping to wait his turn he could catch quick glances around him. He felt the heat of stares and the quiet talk and chat. More then one time he heard his name in a conversation. They all knew who he was, and what he had been to Shawn. There was no reason to be ashamed or feel bad. Who were these people to not see how happy they were, or what they had meant to eachother.
The time had come, as he walked towards the casket he could feel his knees give out and tightend his grip on his moms hand. The director and his staff had done a fine job. Jason had heard the details and knew it would of been a hard thing to do. Shawn looked at peace, his body a light tan color. His face bright and his eyes closed. It looked as if he were taking a nap.
A light bruise on the side of his head was coverd for the most part. His lips slightly swollen. His shirt was of a bright blue, the sleves looking as if his muscle would cause it to rip apart at any moment. Jason could feel himself start to get weak.
His head bent and his mom held him up as well as she could. Jason could feel the hard cold body under his head. Letting it all go he could hear the sobs of his own pain welling up inside of him. Hands on his shoulders his mom and friends tried to make him feel better. There was just nothing they could do. Pulling himself up and moved over and pulled himself together the best he could.
Looking down the row of people he saw Shawns Mom. Here comes the hard part. Swallowing one more time he headed towards her. Her eyes not seeing anyone or anything. Stopping in front of her Jason knelt down and put his arms around her, at first she didn't move, then he felt her shudder and wrap her arms around him. The two bonded together by one thing. The loss of someone they had both loved and needed.
A little while later Jason caught up with some of his old friends. Standing around chatting about the past helped a little bit. And it was good to be able to talk. Alot of them talked about how nice and calm and gentle Shawn had been. How he was there to help anyone who needed it. Or remembered times when Shawn had been there. The service would begin soon. Jason excused himself and found his Mom.
The pastor of the church was the first to speak. Talking about how a young life was ended so fast and so soon. Going on about how life and how we each touch eachother. How soon life is over and the family and friends it touches.
The final viewing was the hardest part of them all.
This was the last time Jason would actually see Shawn.
The final goodbye. Jasons mom let him go alone so he could have some time. As Jason walked alone up front he got into his pocket and felt his hand touch a piece of paper. It was the ticket stub from the movie they had seen on his Birthday. Shawn was at piece, Jason could see that. And even though he would never talk to him again, he knew everything would be alright. Touching his hand to his face Jason could feel the hard bristle and knew life would never be the same. Taking the piece of paper out of his pocket he slipped it into Shawns shirt pocket. Letting his fingers linger for the last time. Bending down his lips pressed on his forhead. Jason could feel the tears in his eyes as he spoke the fianl words. I love you Shawn, and always will remember what you gave me, and how you touched my life.
The outside service wasn't too long. Jason was enjoying the summer sun. A wind was blowing out of the east. The words of the pastor could be heard. The usual words were spoken and the service was ended. The director gave the family all the time they wanted. Jason walked up with his Mom and layed a red rose atop, let his hand slide off the side and turned and walked away.
The next couple of months were going to be hard to get through. But he would make it. Shawn had made him a strong person. Life hadn't came to an end for him, it was just a new begining. His lover and friend had giving him so much and yet had been taken away. Jason turned and looked one last time before getting into the car. The sun setting in the blue sky. The bird singing the smell of fresh crops in the fields.
Shawn was becoming one with the land today. The land he had worked so hard through his young life. Had worked right beside Jason for those years. Had layed down beside and kissed in the warm summer breeze. And on those cold eve nights had kept him warm. Shawn was the reason Jason had woke up feeling good about himself. Now it was time to say goodbye, time to move on. Never to forget what life was like or what Shawn had made it like. To keep a piece of him in his mind forever.
end chap 21b.....