The Ex-Mormon Part 1 - Beginnings
By Dean Smith
This story is copyrighted to myself, its writer and cannot be copied or posted elsewhere without my express written permission. This story is completely true but all names have been changed to protect the identity of the innocent (or guilty lol). If you are underage or don't like stories of a homosexual nature please leave now otherwise please enjoy the story.
This is part one of I don't know how many. I plan on sharing some of my hottest experiences of my life and will write more if I get positive feedback from people.
I welcome comments please send them to author.deansmith@gmail.com.
I'm 50 years old. I've got a wonderful boyfriend who is 25 years younger than me. We've been dating for 8 years now and our open relationship works for us. My adventure up to this point in my sexual life has been one long exciting journey of self discovery and love. My name is Dean Smith and I'm a retired Flight Attendant for Delta Airlines. I'm six foot and weigh 200 pounds of solid muscle. I've got dark hair that covers my whole body except for some reason my smooth round muscular ass. At the moment of a thin beard but my facial hair comes and goes. I guess that you could best describe me as a muscle bear. I have dark green eyes that are kind and gentle and a hard face that rarely smiles. It's not that I'm not happy or don't have a reason to smile, it's just I rarely ever do it. You will only find me smiling when I'm laughing. I haven't always been gay and my journey to this discovery happened many years ago, well it feels like many years ago even though it was only 24 years ago.
At the time, I was 26 years old. I had been married to my wife, Laura, for five years. We had a 3 year old little boy named Mason and a baby on the way. He was our life. We lived in Salt Lake City, Utah where I was then working for Deseret Industries and my wife was a stay at home mom. We were LDS, which is the term we Mormons use to describe ourselves. I had joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when I was 12, attended BYU where I met my wife. I was a good Mormon man. I was a good Mormon husband. I did everything that a Mormon husband was supposed to do for his family. I worked and provided for them. I had sex with my wife to produce children and I took them to church faithfully every Sunday as well as did my duty in the Temple.
My wife's cousin was serving a mission in Salt Lake City and he and his companion would come to our house multiple times a week to eat dinner. My wife loved to cook dinner for the two boys. Before this time I had never doubted my heterosexuality. I was the epitome of straight and masculine. I liked to play sports with my church pals. I liked watching it on TV. I liked talking about it. I enjoyed cars. I enjoyed pretty women. I enjoyed sex with my wife, even though it was at often as I would have liked. It was until my wife's cousin and his missionary companion started to come around that I really started to doubt myself and get strange feelings and urges.
My cousin's companion was a very good looking boy from Arkansas. He was a cornfed farm boy. He was about six foot three inches tall and probably weight a good 250 pounds. I would guess that the majority of it was muscle from physical labor on some sort of farm but we never really talked about that so I never found out. He had blond hair, was clean shaven (as all Mormon Missionaries are) and beautiful sincere blue eyes. He smiled a lot and like to laugh and was very jolly all together. He was polite, using yes sir and yes ma'am when he spoke to me and my wife. We started to talk about working out as he had noticed that I wasn't no small guy myself, though I was definitely smaller than him. After dinner I would take him out to the garage and show him different things I was doing in my workout routine and we would talk about fitness and anything else that was on his mind.
I really started to enjoy their visits and look forward to them. I would pester my wife asking when they would be coming to dinner, unable to wait for the next time I would see him. One evening they came by and my wife and kids were down in Cedar City, Utah at her parents' house. I made them my best meal, grilled cheese and Campbell's tomato soup. We sat around and talked after dinner and watched a little TV even though missionaries aren't suppose to watch any television. After they left I went straight to the couch and pulled of my pants and underwear and started to jerk my fat beer can of a dick.
I guess I should tell you at this point that I have an extremely awkward penis. It's about ten inches long and about eight inches thick. It looks like one of those dicks you'd seen in a penis pump video, but being a Mormon we know that I did not own a penis pump nor did I inject it with anything. When I was younger and getting a sports physical in high school my doctor was concerned about my size and suggested to my parents that they should reduce the fat skin that was around my dick that made it really thick. He said it wasn't dangerous but that my sex life may not be enjoyable when I grew up because of my size. They refused the advice and I was stuck in a marriage where sex for me was sticking the head of my cock in and out of my wife.
So I was sitting on the couch going to town stroking my big dick and just letting my imagination run. I saw my wife's cousin's companion standing nude in our shower letting the water run down his large frame down over two pecs, topped by big maroon colored nipples. Then down to a treasure trail that lead to a sizable cock. I watched as it swung back and forth as he moved around under the water and the water that poured off of it. As he turned around I took in the full beauty of his back side. A large muscular back that narrowed to a nice set of round cheeks. He dropped the soap and leans over to pick it up and suddenly I'm back on my couch shooting my cream all over the place. I let out some muffled moans while my body shakes until my orgasm subsides and I'm left breathing heavily, covered in my own spunk and wondering what the hell had just happened.
I grabbed a few tissues off the table next to the couch and tried to clean up the mess as best as possible. I took my shirt off and bunched it up. I walked back to my room throwing the shirt and pants into the laundry room before heading back to my shower. As I let the water run over my face I began to sob. The emotions just poured over me like the warm water. I felt nothing but guilt and confusion. Why was I masturbating? I had a wife, I did not need to masturbate? Better yet, why was I masturbating to fantasies of the companion of my wife's cousin? None of it made sense. The overwhelming feeling of guilt, confusion, and that tinge of excitement from it all forced me to just cry out my emotions. I decided that what I was doing was wrong and that I needed to seek help and find out what was happening to me.
When my wife got home from her weekend at her parents' I fucked her as hard as could, well as best I could with only being able to fuck her with just the head of my cock. The next day, after work, I headed to my ward's chapel to see if I could set up a meeting with my Bishop (a Bishop in the Mormon church is like the pastor of a church) to talk about what had happened over the weekend. When I walked into the administrative part of the chapel I was greeted by our church secretary, Sally Lawrence.
"Hi Dean! How are you? What can I do for you?" she asked.
"Hi Sally, I'm doing fine, thank you. Is Bishop Jones in and available by chance?" I asked her.
"Yeah, he is. He doesn't have any meetings today, I'm sure you can go right ahead and see him," she said pointing towards the stair case. The way our chapel is set up is that the administrative part is two stories. A meeting room, Sally's office, and some other rooms are on the bottom floor and the top floor is occupied by the Bishop's office. I climbed the stairs and went down a small hallway to a nice oak door and knocked softly. I heard a quiet "come in" on the other side and went in. Bishop Jones was sitting at his desk with a pen in his hand and looked to be noting something as I walked in. He looked up and smiled when he saw me. Bishop Jones is a very good looking man. He's 40 years old with peppered hair. He has light hazel eyes that are accented by inviting laugh lines. He's about my height and seems to be in very decent shape, though I've only ever seen him in suits and never in anything casual. He stood up and walked around the desk with his hand extended to me.
"Dean, hello, how are you doing?" He asked as he grabbed my hand and shook it.
"I'm great, Bishop Jones, how are you?" I asked noting his very strong grip on my hand. "I was wondering if I could talk to you?" I asked him as we dropped out hands from each other.
"Sure, sure," he said as he went to close the door. "What is it you'd like to talk about?" He walked around his desk and returned to his seat. I took a seat in a chair directly across from his desk.
"Well, if you do not have time to talk today, I'd like to set a meeting up with you," I told him.
"No, no, I have time now, are you doing ok?" He asked me with concern in his eyes.
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine Bishop. I'm just struggling with some things and am confused about them and would really like to get your opinion," I told him as I let myself lean back into the chair.
"Yes, Dean. Anything. What's bothering you?" He asked as he intertwined his fingers together and rested his chin on them.
"Well, lately, my wife's cousin, who is serving his mission here in Salt Lake has been coming over to dinner out our place. He brings his companion with him, of course," I explained. Bishop Jones nodded for me to continue. "Well, recently, I've been having thoughts about my wife's cousin's mission companion. Impure and sexual thoughts. In fact, this past weekend my wife was gone and they were over and as soon as they left, I masturbated as I fantasized about him," I continued breaking eye contact with Bishop Jones and looking to the floor, my shame falling over me. I continued, "I've never ever had these type of feelings and I'm not sure what is going on. I'm scared and feel so guilty and want to do something about it." I finished and there was a short silence before Bishop Jones responded.
"Dean, I want you to first of all know that Jesus loves you and that the grace of God is upon you," he said slowly. "I would really like to talk about this with you but I think we should pray about it and ask God to guide our next meeting. I'll do some reading and we can meet at your earliest convenience," he responded, in a very nonjudgmental tone. "When would be good for you?" he asked me.
"I could come in at the same time tomorrow, after I am off work," I responded. He looked at this calendar for a moment.
"That should work. I will see you then." I got the courage to look him in the eye and I stood and reached out and shook his hand.
"Thank you Bishop Jones," I said as I turned and walked towards the door.
"Oh, Dean?" He said as I opened the door.
"Yes, Bishop Jones?" I asked, turning around to face him.
"I think it would be best that if you had dinner plans with your wife's cousin tonight, to cancel them," he said smiling a gentle smile.
"That won't be a problem. They aren't coming tonight," I said. "Thanks." I walked out the door and closed it behind me.
As I walked into the chapel the next day I stopped at a mirror near the entrance and looked at myself to make sure I looked presentable. For work I wore khaki pants and a blue button up shirt. Nothing special, I just wanted to make sure I didn't look like a slob. I was greeted by Sally's Smile again the next day. She was expecting me and just nodded towards the stair case and waved. I waved back and headed up the stairs. I knocked at the oak door and heard the familiar "come in" from the other side. I walked into the bright office. Bishop Jones was sitting in his desk like had been the previous day with a bright smile. I closed the door behind me and approached him.
"Hi Dean! Welcome. How are you doing today?" He asked me his hand extended to mine to shake mine. I grabbed his hand and shook it.
"I'm very good. A little nervous but glad to have you Bishop Jones," I said staring him in his beautiful hazel eyes.
"Dean, don't be nervous. This is God's house. You are safe with me and anything we discuss or do will be kept confidential. In fact, this is the perfect office for a Bishop. I could get a drum set up in here and play all day long and Sally wouldn't even hear a peep," he said as he chuckled. He released my hand and instead of taking his seat behind the desk he walked around and turned my chair away from the desk. He grabbed another and brought it in front of mine very close to face me. He pointed for me to take a seat and then took one right across from me. "So have you been praying about what you told me yesterday?" He asked, crossing his legs.
"Yes, Bishop. I ask God why this is happening to me," I responded nervously.
"Well, we need to remember that we are human and that no matter what, we have God's grace and Jesus' love. Don't beat yourself up over it," he said, his gentle eyes staring into mine. "Now, let me ask you this. How is your relationship with your wife?"
"We get along great. We never fight. She's a very good mother and very loving and I love he," I responded.
"What about sex? Are you two having sex?" He asked, still staring me straight in the face.
"Well yeah. We have sex," I told him.
"How often?" He asked.
"A few times a month?" I guessed.
"Is that enough for you?" He asked me.
"I suppose so. I'm not sure how often couples are suppose to be having sex," I told him.
"I have sex with my wife at least once a week, Dean. This shouldn't be a standard. Every marriage is different. Tell me, is the sex satisfying?" He asked me.
"I don't know?" I responded.
"What do you mean you don't know?" He asked me, bunching his eyebrows together.
"Well, it's a bit embarrassing," I told him, looking away.
"I'm only here to help," he reassured me.
"Well. I have a very long and thick penis. My doctor as a kid thought it would cause me issues with sexual relations in the future and he was kind of right. My wife is only able to take the tip of my penis and so I'm not sure if she is truly satisfied and it isn't very satisfying for me," I told him as I felt my face get warm from a noticeable blush. Bishop Jones didn't flinch but I noticed his head tilt a little and his eyes got a little wider.
"Well, have you asked her if she is satisfied?" He asked me.
"No, I guess I'm embarrassed about my penis and have never really wanted to draw attention to it," I told him., the blushing fading away as I thought about my marriage in a new light.
"Look, Dean. A marriage only works if one is open and communicates with their partner. The reason for sex is to procreate but that doesn't mean it can't be pleasurable for both parties too," He said, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward, sitting his elbows on his knees. "You need to communicate with your wife about the sex you are having, even during the act, you need to find out what she likes and what she can do to help you," he continued.
"So do you think that because I'm not satisfied sexually with my wife I'm searching for other ways to be satisfied and that is why I am attracted to my wife's cousin's companion?" I asked him.
"To be honest, no. I think that man is made in God's image and that God's creations are beautiful and it's only natural for us to sometimes admire the beautiful work of God. The Bible isn't clear about homosexuality in the Bible and it's difficult to understand what modern same-sex attraction is as compared to what is was in the time The Book was written.," Bishop Jones said.
"So, my feelings I'm having are natural? I'm married, how can they be natural? What do I do?" I asked confused by his answer and not expecting to hear what he had said at all.
"I think it might be. I'm not sure. I don't think I hold those answers. God wants us to be faithful to our wives. He also wants us to be happy. He wants us to be happy but should be compromise our morals to be happy? I'm not able to make that decision for you. I can however help guide you on your path. God called me to position to help men like you, Dean," he said as he reached over and put his hand on my leg. His hand was closer to my crotch than my knee, which was a bit unusual. Bishop Jones kept talking about his role as a Bishop and as a shepherd for his flock all the while keeping his hand on my leg and squeezing it.
I couldn't stop it. My cock stirred in my pants. Since it was so large when soft, it was already difficult to hide a bulge but when it got hard, it was near impossible. I tried to think of other things and tuned the Bishop out as my cock slowly grew in my pants. I tried to shift in the chair but Bishop Jones didn't let go of my leg and my bulge grew. After a few seconds I realized Bishop Jones had stopped talking. His eyes weren't looking into mine anymore but were glued on the large bulged in my pants.
"Well, you weren't lying when you said you were large," he said. He picked his hand up from my leg and grabbed my dick through my pants and started to massage it. He looked me straight in the eyes as he did. "Dean, I believe that God wants us to give into our urges sometimes to be happy. He doesn't want us to be reckless and cause stress or any complications for our families. That is why I'm here." As Bishop Jones said that he got down on his knees and pushed his chair back, he reached up and started to unbuckle my belt and then undid the button on my pants and pulled the zipper down. I was wearing a pair of boxers. He pulled at my pants and my boxers trying to pull them down and I naturally lifted my butt form the chair to make it easier to pull my pants and boxers down. The action felt so natural even though I was nervous, confused, and turned on all a the same time. My fat cock being too fat to stand up fully hard flapped back down on my leg as I sat down. he pulled my pants down to my ankles. He grabbed my cock and looked me up in the face. "Dean, I believe that if you allow me to help you with your urges, your marriage will succeed and you will inherit the glories of eternal life in the celestial kingdom." After he said this his mouth opened wide and he took my cock in his mouth.
His mouth felt unlike anything that I had ever felt before. His tongue moved swiftly around the head and licked the underside where I was circumcised and which had the most sensation than any other part of my body. I could with hold my pleasure and I let out a loud moan as his mouth attempted to take more of my cock. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back on the back of the high back chair and just moaned and grunted as his hands worked the base of my cock and my balls and his hungry mouth sucked up and down on the head. The wet sounds of his sucking combined with the unbelievable pleasure that I had never experienced before made me even hornier and I grabbed his hair and forced his mouth further down on my cock until he was choking for air. I let go of his head and my cock made a large popping sound as it left his mouth. He was breathing hard. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me smiling. He continued to stroke me looking me full on in the face. My face contorted in different shapes of pleasure and my mouth was wide open as I panted and moaned in pleasure.
He dove back down on my cock with his mouth assaulting the head with his tongue again. He slowly quickened his pace until I felt like he was full on fucking my cock with his mouth. The sounds were unlike anything I had ever heard. It was really wet and slobbery and every once in a while my cock would leave his mouth with a loud pop. His hands rubbed up and down my legs and inner thigh, grabbing my balls and stroking the base. I ran my hands through his hair helping him to develop a pace that gave me optimal pleasure. Within ten minutes of the beginning of my blow job, my balls tightened and I began to spew my cum down his throat. I couldn't believe he didn't pull his mouth off my cock when the first rope of my thick man juice spurt from my slit but he continued to suck my cock like a vacuum after each pulse of jizz emptied from my balls.
Once my balls were completely empty and my cock started to shrink (that's an overstatement) Bishop Jones let my cock fall from his mouth. He stood up without saying a word and straightened his tie and smoothed his hair and walked around his desk and sat in his chair. He looked at me, sitting there with my fat soft cock hanging between legs, gaining my breath.
"Dean, I think we should see each other two to three times a week so we can work out this issue you are having with these urges, how does that sound?" He said smiling, acting like he hadn't just sucked the cum from my balls. I was at a loss of words and was completely in a daze.
"I...uh...well...I...uh...I think that would be fine, Bishop," I managed to say.
"Good, see you on Friday then? Same time?" He said looking down at his calendar.
"That will be fine." I responded.
"Good, see you then. Tell Laura that I said hi. I hope the little one is doing well," he said grabbing a note book and the Book of Mormon from the corner of his desk, clearly dismissing me. I nodded and reached down and pulled my pants up. I tucked my shirt in and buttoned my self up and left his office quickly and ran down the stairs.
"Bye Dean! See you next time!" Sally said as I walked past her and flashed her a smile.
As I walked to my car, the only thing I could think of was "Friday is only three days away, it's only three days away." I smiled as I looked at myself in the rearview mirror and started the engine to head home to my wife and family.