The Embarrassment of Riches Epilogue - The End is the Beginning
Six months passed.
Those six months became a year, and that year became eighteen months.
Martin did not return home but he kept in touch with his parents and with E.J., Frazer and with Sean.
Even at a distance Sean was a good and loyal friend and Martin was happy when Sean finally told him he had started dating Toby - the boy next door. They were celebrating a year together as December rolled around and they were planning on attending to Tom and Connor's wedding in the New Year.
Martin had travelled across Asia, Africa and South America; there were sunsets in Costa Rica that made Martin feel like the world was new again. He had, in time, come to accept the things that had happened to him. Seeing others in need, desperate need, put his teenage problems in perspective; but they had still been his problems and the aftermath still something that hurt. The first cut might be the deepest, but the rest still hurt.
E.J. and Frazer had been even more reluctant than Sean to confess they had moved on, but Martin wanted them to be happy and told them so. So they were.
Martin's mum and dad insisted on postcards from everyplace he went to and they visited him three or four times a year. They asked why he wouldn't come home, what kind of parent wouldn't, but they accepted being away was a place Martin had to be.
Connor and Tom were going to get married. They were a sweet couple whom Martin was just a little jealous of. But happy for too. Martin had seen the way they looked at each other on the dance floor on the night of the Formal. He had known briefly for himself that two people could be that happy and so delighted in their contentment.
Sean even updated Martin on Calvin and Daniel. They were a couple on the periphery of Martin's story but Sean seemed to think it was important to mention all the players in his regular round up of events back home.
Kazuo hadn't settled down with anyone but also had no inkling to do so.
Matt was no longer dating Lucy but her brother David was still dating Johnnie. Sean told Martin they were both boys in blue (police) and then made jokes about truncheons that Martin pretended not to find funny but he actually laughed out loud. In an internet cafe. In Guam.
Martin and Sean Skyped and emailed regularly and Sean continued to encourage Martin to write about his experiences.
"Because you think it's cathartic?" Martin had asked.
"No, 'cause I like dirty stories," Sean had replied jokingly.
But it had been cathartic and exercised the spectres that loomed a little less heavily over his life now. Though still enough to keep him away from home. The most important thing that Martin learned was that no story is ever over until it's over; stories stop being told, chapters end, books conclude. Life goes on, and where there's life there's hope. Hope for a new beginning and hope that, no matter how impossible it seems, given enough time one can recover from anything.
That's why Martin ran away - to get away from the cloud that hung over his life. Out from under that cloud, he could learn who he was again. It seemed to be taking an awfully long time but Sean assured him that he would survive the unsurvivable; Sean knew all too well that not being able to be with someone who you love and desire beyond measure can be endured until a new love is realised.
Martin was Skyping with Sean one afternoon when it finally happened.
"You're really not driving home for Christmas?" Sean asked.
"There's still a thousand memories," Martin said
"I hate Chris Rea," Sean reponded.
"No-one hats Chris Rea," Martin told him.
"Hey, Martin. I was gonna get some lunch and hoped you might join me? Oh, sorry to interrupt."
The voice was American and belonged to Josh - an embarrassingly attractive eighteen year old who was also globetrotting. Martin had met him a month ago and becoming friends with him had been a highlight of his arrival in Belieze.
"That's ok, Josh. Lunch sounds good, I'll just be a few minutes," Martin replied having turned away from the computer to face the handsome teen.
"Cool," he replied excitedly and bound out of the room.
"Who's that?" asked Sean over the suspiciously good internet connection.
Sean had caught a fleeting glimpse of the beautiful American boy and felt like he had committed infidelity as his mouth watered at the sight of him.
"That's Josh. He's just a friend," Martin answered, looking around to check he wasn't still there and listening in.
"A friend? Martin, do you have eyes because he's..."
Sean was interrupted by Josh bounding back into the room. "Sorry, Martin. Just to be clear, I was asking you out. You got that, right?" said Josh with an endearing charm.
"Oh.... er... ok," Martin agreed.
"Once more with feeling, man," Josh said with an exaggerated pout.
"Yea. Yes... I'd like to go out with you," Martin said excitedly.
"That's more like it. Ten minutes, yea? 'Cause I could eat a horse... I'll probably get half way through and release I'm not as hungry as I thought," Josh said in an animated rush of charm.
Martin and Sean laughed and Josh left the room to amuse himself until Martin was ready.
Alone again with Sean, who ranted enthusiastically, and Martin felt like his friend was planning his wedding already.
"Oh my god, he's just too cute!" Sean enthused.
"Sean, calm down. It's just lunch," Martin tried with nonchalance. "It's not like I've never been asked out before... I just don't usually say yes."
"So what's changed?" asked Sean.
Martin had left home to figure things out, to figure out who he was and to forgiven; there wasn't a day that went by that Martin didn't remind himself of this mission and there wasn't a day that Sean ever forgot it either. Martin had left home because he couldn't figure out how to get over all of the things he'd been through.
"I think I've figured it out..." Martin said with reference to all of the above and with peace at last he said; "...And I'm okay."
It really was just lunch - though they did hold hands after it and Josh kissed him. That was nice.
Martin had found it hard to imagine a time when he would not be haunted by E.J. - wasn't that why he had ran away to the other side of the world? Wasn't breaking up with E.J. the very thing that made him question who he was? Martin knew he was still carrying his ghosts with him, but he didn't feel haunted anymore.
In many ways the spectre of his past was exactly why he began every day the same way - by sitting on the beach and thinking or writing or reading about his life and looking back on the events that had brought him to this place. Martin had written about it, just as he had told Sean he would - but he hadn't let Sean read the dirty story yet. Sean's biggest question was if he would ever get to read the whole sordid affair. For Martin, getting to the end of the story, to the moment when he ran away, was what made him realise the truth...
As lost as Martin had felt when he ran away, he was starting to realise that running away wasn't really about finding himself again; the person he had lost was gone forever, thus running away was about finding out who he was now.
And that's why he was okay now.
The past is prologue: everything that came before is but the beginning of the story. Thus the story doesn't end... it goes on. Josh was making breakfast - it was his turn - so Martin went outside. Martin was sitting one morning, the sand already hot under his bare feet, as he read over the life he had ran away from and pondered what life and loves might lie ahead now that he was ready to accept them. Martin could hear Josh rattling around in the kitchen while he played over these thoughts in his head.
"You told me how it ends," Sean said the last time they had spoken; "But how does it start? And is your story still going to be called Cocks and Cum?" he asked with a giggle.
"Actually, I was thinking of calling it The Embarrassment of Riches," Martin replied. "And how does it start? Well..."
It all began on a Saturday in September and autumn was easing itself in, bringing overcast days and skies filled with bright light, although the sun itself could not be seen. The white, cloud-filtered light matched the light inside the shopping centre that a young man named...
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