The Embarrassment of Riches

The Embarrassment of Riches Chapter Twenty: The Torment of Tantalus

The people, places and events in this story are entirely fictional and any resemblances to real people, real places or real events is coincidental.

Martin was walking slowly through the park near E.J.'s house; now well into spring there was a lot of green and lots of sun. Well, a little bit of sun at least.

It was a nice day for a walk but Martin had veered off his preferred path when he had spotted Connor, Kazuo, Matt and Sean sitting around in the sun. Connor's house was as far from the park as E.J.'s, though located on the opposite side, so it was little surprise to see the boys hanging out here now that the weather had picked up.

The Easter holidays had started - though it would not actually be Easter until the end of their fortnight break from school. When the boys returned, there would be only a few weeks before their exams began. Only a few weeks before they all left high school forever.

Martin tried not to think about it.

Though his parents made every effort to make him think about it; are you going to university, what do you want to study, are you going to get a job, are you going to go travelling, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Martin tried not to think about it.

Not thinking about problems was Martin's go-to response. He had done the same thing with E.J. However, Martin had now unburdened himself by finally talking about E.J.; by choice he had told Sean and by necessity he had told Frazer, his uncle. Frazer had been understandably disappointed in him – not for the relationship he had had with E.J. but for not telling him. Martin had allowed Frazer to meet E.J. completely unprepared and lied by omission. Martin had deceived, inveigled and obfuscated; but he was about to make things right.

He had finally unburdened himself a few days ago and the world had not ended.

Now he was going to talk to E.J. himself.

Martin reached the edge of the park and exited it. He walked up the street and approached E.J.'s house with trepidation but determination too. E.J. had been angry, frustrated and disappointed in Martin for not telling him the truth. Angry, frustrated and disappointed that Martin felt he could not say why they were breaking up. E.J. had told Martin to come back when he was ready to grow up and talk about things like a man.

Martin knocked on E.J.'s door and a minute later it opened.

E.J. was smiling when he opened the door but the smile slid off his face slowly as he took in the sight of Martin before him. They hadn't seen each other for seven weeks. Now that he was seeing Martin again, they felt like the longest weeks of his life; for in his heart he hadn't expected to ever see Martin again.

E.J. held the edge of the door but did not invite Martin in, in fact he said nothing.

Martin was slow to speak, marshalling his courage.

"I think I'm ready to talk to you now."

E.J. invited Martin in with the reticence one would usually reserve for a vampire.

"Count Dracula, how nice to see you again, why don't you come in? You can stomp all over my heart and drain the life out of me too if you like."

Martin was clearly nervous and whatever he had to say was not something E.J. desired to have said on his doorstep. Martin followed E.J. into the living room where he saw Victor with his feet up, a cup of tea nearby and a pile of books around him; Victor was clearly studying but he lifted his gaze and his relaxed demeanour stiffened.

Victor put his book down with the spine facing up to keep his place then stood up. Victor was as tall as Martin and E.J. but broader; the big black man rolled his shoulders and rose himself to his full height which cause Martin to feel like he was being towered over. Victor's eyes locked onto Martin with a look of casual animosity. Martin felt intimidated but the loyalty the man was showing was rather touching. E.J. was almost moved by the gesture.

Without taking his eyes off of Martin, Victor asked E.J.; "You ok, man?"

E.J. sighed and nodded; "Yes, Victor. I'm fine."

When Victor didn't mover, E.J. reached over and put his arm on Victor's arm.

"Give us some time would you?" E.J. asked.

"You want me to leave?" Victor asked neutrally.

"Would you mind?"

"Nah, that's cool," Victor answered. He picked up a pile of books and bundled them into his arms; "You give me a call if you need help hiding the body."

Victor smiled genuinely at E.J. and even managed to keep the smile as he looked again at Martin. Martin appreciated Victor's loyalty to E.J. and it was right that he would take E.J.'s side; never the less, Victor was happy to be neutral in this situation. Or if not neutral, then absent.

Although Victor departed, neither Martin nor E.J. heard him leave the house.

"I'm glad I caught you on a day off," Martin said.

In truth he knew E.J. wasn't working today because Frazer had told him and Frazer knew because E.J. had called him again after the interview about the offer of the deputy manager's job - and set up a time to meet again.

"So... how have you been?" asked Martin.

It was difficult for E.J. to not reply bitchily or sarcastically or belligerently.

"As good as can be expected," E.J. answered.

It was actually rather hard to be blunt and passive aggressive towards Martin, because E.J. still cared about him very deeply. E.J. knew the second that he saw Martin on his doorstep that he still loved him.

The whole room was between them.

E.J. took a seat in an armchair, so there wasn't enough space for Martin to sit beside him, but motioned to the nearest seat for Martin to take.

"Ok, Martin. You came to explain, to talk. So talk," E.J. offered Martin the floor.

"Right..."

Martin didn't know how to say it.

"Right..."

E.J. didn't have anything else to say.

"I never meant to hurt you. I was trying... to protect you," Martin said and had the good grace to look embarrassed about it.

"By breaking up with me without explanation or..."

"Please, E.J. you wanted me to talk? Let me talk," Martin interrupted.

"Ok."

"I was trying to protect you because I found out some things and I couldn't deal with it and I was half way prepared for it," Martin said.

Martin knew he was adopted and was interested in finding out more about his heritage; E.J. had no idea what was about to happen to his world.

"I told you I'm adopted?"

"Yes."

"I had been getting letters from my birth mum."

"Ok."

"Then my uncle got in touch. He sent me a photo of my mum and her friends and... And a boy," Martin could feel the words coming more slowly and E.J. inched forward in his seat.

E.J. was beginning to think life had overwhelmed Martin – how right he was.

"The boy and my sister... they, they were young. Like thirteen years old... and they..." Martin couldn't say it.

"And they had you," E.J. finished for him.

E.J. could see how hard it was for Martin to talk about all this and his heart bled for him; it was Martin's sensitivity and naiveté that had first attracted E.J. to him.

"Right. The boy moved away just after they... went to bed together. And she never told him... never even tried to tell him..." Martin could feel tears welling up; there was so little left to tell before he would have to get to the real point.

"It's ok, Martin. It's ok," E.J. said softly and reached over to hold Martin's hand.

"You were that boy."

W.T.Fuck?

"You're my dad."

Johnnie woke up in bed next to Dean; the morning was getting a little mature to still be in bed but they had been up all night. Well, they'd been 'up' twice, if you know what I mean. Plus, although it was a Monday it was not a school day because the university was on hiatus for the Easter holidays too so Dean felt he deserved a lie in.

Dean's flat was on the edge of town; a five minute walk to bus stop for public transport to the town itself or Stirling city centre.

Dean had been alternately waking up and snoozing for over an hour; now Johnnie was getting bored and wanted to play. Dean was facing away from Johnnie when fingers tickled the bottom of one of his ass cheeks then fiddled their way up the crack between his buttocks. Dean was awake again and struggling to avoid giggling as Johnnie continued to stroke and caress, gently tickling him as fingers reached the top of Dean's back.

Dean turned over to face Johnnie and rewarded him with a kiss. Johnnie reciprocated by sliding his hands south again and fondling Dean's balls.

Dean moaned half way between pleasure and torture; "Oh, no. My balls still hurt after last night."

Johnnie laughed but as he could still crack out three or four ejaculations a night, he wasn't sure he understood.

"I'm glad you stayed the night," Dean said; "I liked waking up with you."

"Me too," replied Johnnie.

Johnnie had never really done he stable boyfriend thing and was rather satisfied with the results so far. I was comfortable and made him feel happy and Johnnie rather felt he deserved it – as much as anyone deserves anything in this life.

Johnnie groaned when he saw the time; "I'll need to get up and going soon. Need to get home and change before work."

Johnnie had a backshift at the Symposium today; E.J. had taken the day off after working all week and then Saturday too; the burden of being the soon-to-be head honcho at the Symposium. The only silver lining was that his shift today was overtime and he would be finishing early.

"Ok," pouted Dean; "Hurry back though."

"You could come and visit me. I'll give you my staff discount and you can treat yourself to a sauna," Johnnie promised.

In the worst American accent ever, Dean replied; "Wow, you're like the best boyfriend ever."

"We're still going to dinner, yea?" checked Johnnie.

They were set for a quadruple date with Calvin, Daniel, Connor and Tom.

"I wouldn't miss it."

"Well, I have to be honest. I'm a little glad it's all over for you two," Kazuo admitted.

"Gee, your sympathy is overwhelming. I'm glad I was sitting down for it," Sean dryly replied.

Matt sniggered and Connor nodded in agreement.

The exact details of what had happened between Sean and Martin had not been shared with the group; Matt knew how to be discrete and neither Sean not Martin felt coved in glory by the event. They mutually agreed it was settled but over.

Sean had told no-one, not even Matt, about Martin's awful secret but knew Martin would be telling E.J. soon. If he didn't wimp out.

"I just mean that you spent months brooding over Martin," said Kazuo. "Connor has a boyfriend, Matt has a girlfriend... Meanwhile I have nobody to help me out. I mean, do you have any idea how selfish it would be for you to go get yourself a boyfriend too?" Kazuo asked facetiously.

Sean replied sarcastically; "I'm sorry my love life has been so inconvenient to you, Kaz."

Kazuo shuffled over to Sean and put his arm around him, giving him a comforting squeeze across the shoulders.

"I just miss my guys," Kazuo admitted, then added; "My sexually promiscuous guys."

"And they say romance is dead," Matt chipped in.

Kazuo was being half fun but wholly earnest; he did miss the old days when they were all single and all together. He wasn't sure that sex was on the table with Sean anymore - now that Sean was looking to get committed with someone but he kinda hoped they could still be casual about their dalliances.

"Romance right," Kazuo said, lampooning the concept with sarcasm; "Sean if you ever want to have your arse romanced off, just let me know."

"It's nice to be a giver," said a new voice to the conversation.

Tom was standing over the picnicking group, the sun behind him casting him with a halation.

"Tom," Connor said affectionately, then patting a space beside him; "I saved you a seat."

"Or you can sit on my lap, if you like," Kazuo jested and then winked theatrically.

Tom rolled his eyes at Kazuo then smiled at Ephraim and bent down to kiss his boyfriends lips.

"You gonna kiss all of us or..." Kazuo started to ask but Matt thumped his arm in reprimand.

"You can kiss me if you want," Sean offered casually.

He was pretty sure Sean was joking but Kazuo leaned over and kissed him anyway.

"I was thinking we should talk about the school formal," said Connor.

He addressed to the group but was talking to Tom; Tom knew this and smiled.

"I think I might be busy that night. I've got a thing on," Tom joked.

"No you don't. I cancelled that thing," Connor replied.

Tom's smile grew – he rather enjoyed teasing Ephraim.

"I mentioned it's on the third of June?" Connor continued; he had rather obsessively mentioned it to Tom over the last month already.

Tom nodded.

"I think we have a bit of time before we need to discuss our matching outfits," Tom continued to tease.

"You guys are wearing matching outfits?" asked Sean; "That's so cute..."

Then Sean caught the facetious undertones and the looks on everyone else's face that said "don't be stupid," so to himself he said: "Right. Sarcasm. Shhh."

The Earl of Lennox Boys School, like most schools when the final year students were ready to depart, had an annual end of year party/ dance/ formal/ prom. It was the last event of the school calendar, scheduled for the day after the final exam on the SQA timetable.

Today was the beginning of the two week Easter holidays, thereafter the boys would return to school for two weeks to consolidate their learning. The last Friday in April would be their last day of school, then the exam time table began in the first week of May. When the exams ended it would be a few days into June and they would be free of high school forever; it seemed apt to party/ dance/ formal/ prom the night away.

"Were you thinking we should talk about the school formal for any reason other than reminding Tom he shouldn't go commando in a rented tuxedo?" asked Matt.

Connor shrugged ambiguously.

"You taking Lucy?" Sean asked Matt, already knowing the answer.

"Yup," Matt answered and lay back happily in the sun.

Sean had wanted to take Martin, or Martin to take him if you want to argue semantics. That had not worked out and Sean now rather regretted making such a public statement to his friends about his interests in this regard.

Sean turned to Kazuo; "Do you want to go to the formal with me?"

"No."

Sean was a little surprised how quick and unequivocal the answer was. There was nothing mean or hostile in the answer, just an explicit negative.

"Sorry, but I know you wanted to go with Martin. I know because you went on about it," Kazuo elaborated.

"And on," added Matt

"And on," added Connor.

"And on," added Tom, who didn't even spend that much time in the group.

Kazuo shot Sean a `see, I told you' look.

"Do you really think I want to go with you and watch you wish you were with him?" Kazuo asked reasonably; "I don't think so. I don't think so."

Sean blushed with embarrassment; "I didn't mean to make you feel like you were... second choice. I just thought if you weren't going with anyone and since I'm not going with anyone... we could have gone not alone. As in together?"

"What makes you think I don't have a date?" Kazuo asked as if he were affronted.

Sean cocked an eyebrow.

"Yea, ok. I got no-one. But you don't know, I could have," Kazuo replied.

"Sorry if I upset you," Sean said.

"No worries little buddy," Kazuo dismissed the apology as only a friend can. Then the Martin factor compelled him to ask; "You're not infatuated with me too are you?"

"What? No," Sean replied.

"Oh. Good," Kazuo sounded almost disappointed; "Y'know, 'cause I would hate that."

They were both just a little embarrassed by the conversation; two friends who think they are just friends asking if they are actually `just friends' and discovering they really are just friends.

Sean didn't mind going solo when he knew Kazuo would also be dateless and Martin, most likely too – if he came at all. At this point, Martin's place in their little group was uncertain. Uncertain because Martin himself might choose to ostracise himself, not because he was not welcome.

"So high school is nearly over. Have you all decided what you want to be when you grow up?" asked Tom.

"Are we still not-talking about medicine?" asked Ephraim, poking Tom playful in the stomach.

"I'm not calling you Doctor O'Connor," Tom said while laughing.

Ever since Ephraim had revealed he was actually rather gifted academically, he had teased Tom about studying medicine. He was serious too and Tom was really supportive, though Ephraim had sensed Tom was worried. Tom didn't want to look stupid next to his boyfriend, the doctor. Ephraim would not abide that thinking.

"Doctor and Mr O'Connor... that has a nice ring to it," Sean said happily.

"See, told you," Ephraim said to Tom.

Tom just looked bemused or perhaps amused.

"I've got a conditional offer for Glasgow. As long as my exams go as predicted..." said Sean.

"They will," chipped in Matt.

"...I'll be studying Physics and Astrophysics. Fingers crossed for a research career after that. Quantum theory maybe, but the Institute or Gravitational Theory could be interesting too," Sean sounded so excited that no-one had the heart to say "Huh?"

Tom turned his attention to Matt, whom everyone else, for some reason, seemed keen not to ask.

"I plan to study Politics," Matt said.

Everyone groaned and Tom just nodded respectfully; you never know when your boyfriend's friend might be your next MP.

"I'll have four years to figure out what I want to do with my life. Teaching, civil service, charity sector; even the armed forces," said Matt.

"Oh, bagsie armed forces!" exclaimed Kazuo; they all looked at him now. "Seriously, I'm thinking of officer training in the army."

No-one spoke and Tom realised no-one in the group had heard this information before; Kazuo had been playing his intentions close to his chest.

"Right," "Good," "Cool," "Sir, yes sir;" answered the four lads.

"Thanks for your support," Kazuo said.

"Hmm, a man in uniform," said Sean. Then in a sultry voice he leaned closer to Kazuo and (jokingly) asked; "Can I change my mind about fancying you?"

"You're my dad," came out rather more bluntly than Martin had intended.

E.J. sat looking stunned.

Then E.J.'s hand slowly slid away from when it lay on top of Martin's.

E.J. was going to ask if Martin was joking but knew better than that. He just had to look at Martin to see the resemblance. Wasn't the resemblance another thing that had first attracted them? E.J. wanted a bit more information but the crux of it had been laid out and he suddenly found it a little hard to breath.

E.J. stood up.

"Please don't go," Martin pleaded.

"I'm not... going... I just..." E.J. had paled slightly.

E.J. swayed and took a step to regain his centre of gravity. Martin stood up and put his hands on E.J. upper arms to help steady him.

"Are you ok?" Martin asked; stupid question really.

"Eh..." E.J. answered comprehensively; "I think we should sit down again."

"Ok."

E.J. and Martin sat together on the sofa. Martin's leg was warm against E.J.'s and he could smell Martin's fragrance; Paco Rabbane, One Million. E.J. could see the pulse in Martin's neck throbbing from a fast heartbeat and was close enough to see a tiny faded mark beneath Martin's lip, perhaps left over from a cold sore.

"How long have you known?" E.J. asked.

"Feels like forever," Martin answered miserably.

"So you left me because... You didn't leave because you didn't want me?" E.J. asked.

"I ended it because I thought it was the right thing to do," Martin replied.

Martin wasn't about to mention he had sex with his lover one more time after finding out before breaking up. But of this, E.J. must have realised yet chose to say nothing.

"You're probably right," E.J. agreed.

Martin turned his face to E.J. and the two looked into each other's eyes; green eyes that had been passed down a generation. There was still every emotion either had ever felt for the other; the truth had always been destined to be the wedge between them but changed nothing of the facts of their feelings. Martin still loved E.J. and vice versa.

"So now what do we do?" Martin asked.

Then E.J. kissed him.

Martin was lounging back on the sofa with E.J. practically on top of him as they kissed; lips, necks even nipples as E.J. pulled down the neckline of Martin's t-shirt to reach the areolas. With some effort, they finally parted and E.J. slid in close beside his former lover.

"I've missed you," E.J. said.

"To be honest I was expecting a different reaction," Martin admitted.

E.J. was trying rather hard not to think about what Martin had told him. He had no reason to doubt Martin's claim - who would lie about that? No, Martin was telling the truth which meant all they had was here and now. All they had was this one last chance to be rash and irresponsible and reckless; because once they both had time to stop and think and be sensible, rational adults... it would all be over.

"Reasonable and logical thinking just now would tell us we should stop and slow down and take time to think," E.J. said.

Martin nodded slowly; he had stopped and thought and it led to him ending his relationship with a man he loved. He knew E.J. was a man he could not spend his life with now but the way E.J. was talking...

"So let's not," E.J. added. "Can we just skip it? Can you just kissing me again?"

Martin leaned forward and pressed his lips against E.J.'s. They closed their eyes while all the feelings they had had for each other came back amplified by the time they had be separated. When they stopped for breath, they cuddled until E.J. slowly side from the embrace.

"I've been thinking. You kept the truth from me and broke up with me and lied," there was a hint of mischief in his voice that betrayed the seriousness of what he appeared to be saying.

"Yes?" asked Martin.

"Don't you think you should be punished?" E.J. asked rhetorically.

"Oh, I'm sure I should."

"Stand up. I think you should be spanked," E.J. said and laughed at the absurdity of the words coming out of his mouth.

Martin stood up and stood before E.J. before stepping to the side to lay himself over E.J.'s knees.

"What do you think you're doing?" E.J. asked in a serious tone.

Martin looked perplexed - had he misunderstood?

"That is not how we do things in my house," E.J. said; "In my house we spank on the bare arse. Strip. Naked. Now."

Martin had stripped, exposed and exhibited himself more times than was plausible, never the less he was sincerely nervous as he stood before E.J. for the first time in months and prepared to be intimate. Because whatever else was about to happen, Martin knew the bedroom would soon be occupied.

It was as he stripped off his top half and reached for his belt that Martin thought to worry about Victor or someone else walking in but E.J. watched him with such relaxed desire that it hardly seemed to matter. Unceremoniously, Martin removed his footwear and pulled his jeans off his bare feet by hopping from leg to leg. Stood only in his briefs he waited to be prompted on last time.

"Everything, mister," E.J. cautioned; he was rather enjoying the authoritative roll play.

Martin pushed his briefs off and stood naked in front of E.J.

E.J.'s eyes were smaller than his stomach for all he could not imagine there ever being enough cock to fill his mouth or sate his hunger for Martin. He resisted, temporarily - patting his lap to prompt Martin to take his position.

When Martin stepped close, his penis was already getting harder – six inches but still more than two to go before being completely engorged. E.J. was looking forward to reacquainting himself with it one last time.

One last time.

One last time - they had only just found each other again but E.J. knew this would be the end and the moment was being prepared for.

Martin stood on E.J.'s right hand side and slowly bent over; his penis slipped between E.J.'s legs until it was pressed firmly into E.J.'s left thigh and his buttocks hovered dead centre before E.J.'s vision. It was a lovely vision too; sensitive to feeling as to sight and not the false creation processed by his brain during the lonely nights of their break up.

E.J. was of course hard too and Martin could feel the contained erection beneath his body but there would be time enough for that later. E.J. rubbed Martin's buttocks in preparation for the first strike. E.J. had never done this before and neither had Martin; new experiences all around. E.J. did not want to hurt Martin or leave any marks that would mar his view later when they went up to the bedroom. But they were both interested to see what would happen when contact was made.

"How about ten spanks?" E.J. asked; not really embracing the domineering role by giving Martin decision making power.

"Ok."

"Good boy. Now you count each one as we go," E.J. instructed; getting more into the spirit.

"Ok."

E.J. raised his hand and smiled as he brought it down with a satisfying smack.

"One."

It was all a little bit silly.

"Two."

Also, a little sore.

"Three."

Ouch.

"Four. Five."

Martin gave a little movement somewhere between a hop and a hump as the strikes continued; his penis rubbing in a satisfying way. E.J. could feel the erection rubbing against his thigh and threatening to leave a sticky mess on his trousers.

"Six. Seven."

Beneath Martin, E.J.'s own hard cock was still straining within the confines of his underwear and trousers.

"Eight. Nine."

E.J. ground and humped himself against E.J.'s groin, encouraging both of their aching cocks to throb.

"Ten."

On the final strike, E.J. left his hand in place and caressed the soft skin; the round peachy bottom had started to go slightly red but remained the most beautiful thing E.J. had ever seen. Without speaking, Martin lifted himself from E.J.'s lap and stood erect, as in upright, before him. He was also still achingly erect, as in hard.

E.J. looked down at his trousers where a slimy streak of pre-cum had stained his trousers; "I think you made a mess."

"Do you want me to lick it off?" asked Martin.

"I want you to lick something," E.J. replied.

E.J. reached out and took Martin's hand to prompt him forward; Martin's cock pointed into E.J.'s face, so he took it in a firm grip and leaned closer. His lips slipped over the exposed head of Martin's cock and suckled. Martin quivered and had to step back.

"I thought I was the one who was meant to lick?" Martin asked.

E.J. looked up at the naked boy and marvelled in the perfect body; he was thinking about how much he had missed it, about all the things he wanted to do with it, and about what he now knew about it. Touching Martin, spanking him or stroking him, sucking him or anything else would all be acts of temporary insanity.

There was a melancholy in this. To continue a relationship after today would be wrong; it would go beyond taboo and invite condemnation – as much from himself as from anyone else who found out. Today was the last time for everything: he would have to make it count.

E.J. sighed with pleasure and stood up and held hands with Martin.

"Let's go upstairs," E.J. said.

Johnnie was busy straightening up the locker room; the state it had been left in by the group of rugby players who had just left resembled a bob site or perhaps a pigsty. It looked like a tornado had rolled through (auntie Em, it's a twister) except with more mud and also towels.

"It looks like you have your work cut out for you," said a familiar voice.

Johnnie turned to see David standing with a towel around his waist. He hadn't seen the David since they had had sex after Johnnie had modelled nude: it had been a big day. Johnnie was faintly embarrassed and ashamed to check out his smokin' hot body. Embarrassed because David had told him he was sixteen - which may or not be true - and ashamed because he had a boyfriend. Checking out other guys seemed a bit crass.

"Hi, David," Johnnie said.

"Hi, Johnnie," replied David.

Johnnie struggled to not gaze at David's smooth light-brown skin that implied a Mediterranean heritage. Johnnie grinned mischievously.

"Are you allowed to be in here?" Johnnie asked cheekily; "Can I see your membership card?"

David smiled and patted himself as if searching for pockets. Either by accident or providence, the knot on David's towel slipped and it fell to the floor. David's gorgeous but flaccid cock was exposed with his balls dangling below, loose from the hot sauna room he had just stepped from. Embarrassed, David bent down and picked it up to cover himself.

His locker was already open so he turned, now exposing his perfect bum which caused a twitch in Johnnie's shorts that he hoped would not be obvious. When David turned back he handed over his membership card.

Johnnie laughed as he took it – he had been joking about checking David's credentials. He looked anyway: his name was David De Sotto. Johnnie noticed last name was Spanish - even if he hadn't been born there, David had clearly inherited the complexion. David's date of birth was also there.

"You told me you were sixteen," Johnnie whispered irritably.

"I was joking. I thought you knew I was joking," David replied as he tied the towel back in place.

"I wasn't sure. You also said you were fifteen or seventeen or eighteen..." Johnnie recalled.

"Well, I'm nineteen," David said; "Do I look sixteen to you?"

"First word, jail; second word, bait," replied Johnnie.

David just laughed and sat down to pull on some underwear.

"Well I was nineteen last week. I didn't get your birthday present, Johnnie. If you want to give it to me now, I can take my pants back off," David said.

David was sat on the bench in just a pair of black briefs, which had filled out slightly, and his long tanned legs stretched before him. David had leaned back a little too so his whole body was displayed; a fit, tight body – the only part of which was covered was his penis.

"Maybe another time," Johnnie responded reluctantly.

He was thinking about Dean and how good things seemed to be going and how easy it would be to screw that up. Dean had told Johnnie when they started dating that he made bad choices sometimes - Johnnie didn't want to make bad choices too.

Flirting was one thing, ostensibly harmless within reason but explicit propositioning was another thing entirely. Johnnie handed back the membership card and David looked rather disappointed by the rejection.

As he continued to dress, David said; "So are you still modelling?"

"No I gave it up so I could clean up after sweaty men," Johnnie answered.

"Ah, a promotion," David replied.

"To be honest, I recently quit Uni. It wasn't the right thing for me. I had eight Highers and it seemed like the thing to do... Now I don't know what to do," Johnnie admitted.

"Yea, I get that. I got five Highers and thought about going to Uni but decided making coffee for a living was just too big an opportunity to pass up," David sounded self-effacing but Johnnie thought he detected some regret in his voice; "Also I couldn't afford going to Uni for three or four years."

Johnnie felt a stab of guilt at David's final admission as he had always had it rather easy. Johnnie's parents were wealthy and had always looked after him. Even working in the Symposium, Johnnie still had their support if he needed it. Johnnie was not only lucky enough to go to university but also drop out; yet he still didn't know how to make his own way or what he wanted to do with his life.

David had pulled on socks and a pair of jeans and was pulling on a pair of boots with zips up the side as a silence stretched between them.

"Does this place pay well? I'd like to clean up after sweaty men too," said David.

David was on his feet now and pulling on a t-shirt that hugged the desirable shape of his body.

"I dunno," Johnnie answered; he was trying not to notice how attractive David was.

David stepped forward and kissed Johnnie.

The kiss went on rather longer than Johnnie should have allowed it. It was warm and lusty with just the right amount of tongue. When Johnnie stepped back, eventually, they were both quite satisfied.

And then Johnnie ruined it; "I have a boyfriend."

"Oh."

"Yea."

"Monogamous?"

"Yea, `fraid so," Johnnie said with a chuckle.

"Damn."

"Sorry."

"Maybe..." David started to say and seemed reluctant to finish; "Maybe you could call me sometime anyway?"

David somewhat regretted saying it – he didn't really want to be the other man, nor did he want to take someone else's boyfriend. But he was attracted to Johnnie in a way he had never experienced before. Johnnie understood and was even tempted, because David really was a nice man, but still he responded with a negative.

"I don't really think so," Johnnie replied.

"Not even maybe?"

"I don't think so."

David had pulled on his jacket, a short black leather jacket that suited him; "Do you like me?"

David knew he sounded a little childish and needy but they had had sex a few weeks ago and as getting to know me's go, it seemed like a good start.

"Yea, of course," Johnnie replied a little too eagerly; "I started dating Dean just after we met and it's going well. I don't want to ruin it. I don't want to let him down. If it had been otherwise..."

"You never should have used the longer opportunity," David said; "It's ok. I hope you and Dean are happy... Actually no, I hope you're happy - that he makes you happy. I hope he deserves you."

Johnnie didn't know what to do with that except feel guilty that he wasn't single.

Upstairs, in the bedroom, Martin and E.J. were kissing again. Martin was still naked and E.J. still wasn't. E.J. sat on the bed and Martin sat in his lap, facing E.J. with his bare legs wrapped around E.J.'s waist.

E.J. felt the silky smoothness of Martin's skin as he caressed the younger man's body and felt the swell of his penis against the weight of Martin's body. Martin felt it too – the tumescence pressing against the confines of E.J.'s trousers and growing beneath his buttocks. Martin yearned for the feel of E.J. cock between his ass cheeks but he worried that E.J. would notice his ass was not as tight as it once was. Martin had had sex, with two boys at once no less, just a couple of days ago; he had not had much time to recover.

Slowly, the two lovers disentangled and Martin stood up again. E.J. was sitting with his legs dangling over the edge of his bed. Martin knelt down and pulled open E.J.'s trousers to reveal tight boxers that had been made even tighter by the engorging of his penis. Martin buried his face in E.J. groin and caused him to moan loudly.

E.J. certainly hoped Victor was gone; if he wasn't, he would surely make a discreet exit now.

E.J. pulled off his shirt so he was bare from the waist up and once Martin was done nuzzling E.J. groin with his face, he rose up to slip his lips over E.J.'s nipple.

When he couldn't stand any more, E.J. brought his hands to Martin's face and teen looked up to meet E.J.'s lips again. E.J. moved his hands to his hips and lifted them as he pushed down his boxers and trousers. Martin shuffled back and pulled the clothes down and everything below the waist slipped off in one go. E.J. was now as naked Martin.

They lay on the bed together pressing and writhing; kissing and licking; hugging and groping. They were soon wet and shiny and slippery with sweat and had barely even started.

"Martin, I..." E.J. started to say.

Whatever it was he was going to say, Martin knew it was best left unsaid.

What could he say that would not be undermined when their relationship dissolved?

What could he say that would not be dubious and controversial tomorrow?

"I know," Martin answered; "Shhh, I know."

Martin moved down the bed and put his face between E.J.'s legs; licking the perineum and then his testicles. E.J. was hard and laying flat on his back, his erection lay across his stomach like a snake ready to pounce. Martin seized it and put his lips over it then took it in his mouth as far as it would go. He slid his mouth up and down the long shaft - pre-cum and saliva mixing to make it slippery and wet.

E.J. had good memories of past times with Martin - he had missed all of this.

"Oh, god; Martin," E.J. said.

When Martin took the penis from his mouth to look up, E.J. sat up as if doing crunches; his hands took Martin's face and pulled him close. Martin fell on top of E.J. as they kissed again and E.J. could taste his own dick on Martin's lips and tongue. Their chests and penis's mashed together again while their legs entwined and E.J.'s hands found the wherewithal to leave Martin's face and instead grope his arse.

Martin felt his buttocks being squeezed and parted, they were still a little tender from his spanking but E.J. had not hit hard enough for the discomfort to qualify as sore. Martin momentarily feared that E.J. would comment on his bum hole - was it too lax from his double penetration two days ago? Would E.J. notice he was loose?

It didn't really seem to matter as Martin became lost in the love he had. He had felt lost when he broke up with E.J. and feared he would not know who he was after today. Martin also feared he would cum before they had even progressed to bum hole inspection.

E.J. rolled over and shifted Martin off from on top of him. Side by side their oral intercourse continued until their tongues cramped. Smiling and delirious with happiness, E.J. kissed his way down Martin's body; sucking at the nipples and belly button as he went. He kissed but did not suck Martin's cock for he had a different place in mind for it; instinctively, Martin parted his legs and E.J. clambered between them.

Martin hitched up his knees but E.J. caught the back of Martin's ankles and pushed up his legs. Martin was now flat on his back with his legs at right angles to his body and E.J. caressing his calves. E.J. inched closer and was preparing to enter.

"Do we need protection?" Martin asked, but he knew the answer.

"I love you," E.J. replied.

Best left unsaid or not, it had been said now. They both knew it anyway and it was just the thing Martin needed to hear.

They were both safe and convention had gone out the window when they kissed and got naked together after the words "You are my father," had entered the room. The tip of E.J. naked cock pressed against Martin's anus.

"Do it."

Martin's legs touched E.J.'s shoulders as he used his hands to guide his throbbing member into Martin's ass hole. The only other time they had had sex bareback, Martin had been on top. Now, it took great concentration and restraint from E.J. to push in without exploding. His foreskin had peeled back so the sensitive head was exposed and engulfed in the warm cavern of Martin's anus.

It didn't take much pushing to get in, but it barely registered to E.J. that Martin wasn't tight because with deliberate thought Martin contracted his sphincter around E.J.'s dick.

The ring closed around the middle of E.J.'s shaft and he had to stop while he quivered from the sensation. E.J. pushed deep, then deeper; Martin was skewered by E.J.'s cock which was already sliding out for another push in.

The intercourse continued; intense for each of them in different ways. Martin's whole body was filled up by the feeling of about eight inches of girthy meat pushing into him - his own cock was leaking and lay untouched out of fear of cumming prematurely.

Martin had hopes of swapping places with E.J.

When E.J. next slid his cock out he shuffled back and turned; Martin made space for E.J. to sit upright on the bed with his legs out in front of him. They moved with singular purpose, each understanding the cues given by the other - Martin was to sit on E.J.'s cock.

This allowed them to face each other while Martin was buried deep. Martin lowed himself onto the slick and hot erection and bounced up and down on it to slide the cock in and out. They were both glistening with sweat and hot breath had filled the room. E.J. was getting closer and closer to cumming and when he finally did, Martin finally sat still.

E.J.'s cock was inside Martin up to the hilt and cum spurted inside him, eventually leaking out of Martin's anus and dribbling into E.J.'s lap. They were back to kissing and embracing in an oral dance that was almost painful: for E.J. in his post orgasmic high and Martin in his orgasmic anticipation. E.J. bit Martin's lip and licked and kissed at E.J.'s neck and shoulder.

They remained with Martin sitting on E.J.'s big dick that refused to go soft and only moved when Martin's legs started to cramp. They fell together, side by side, facing each other. E.J. wrapped his arms around Martin and Martin cuddled into the comforting embrace. They were hot and happy but needed a bit of time before Martin could take his turn on top.

"E.J., I love you too," said Martin.

Johnnie was sitting next to Daniel in the spectators section of the swimming area. Daniel's olive skin reminded Johnnie of David's complexion but he did not allow himself to think on his enthusiastic suitor anymore.

Jeremia, a handsome South African man in his twenties, was on life guard duties on the opposite side of the pool. Johnnie had agreed to come in to work for a few hours because the Symposium was short staffed but he was glad of the opportunity to sit back to watch men in Speedo's - at his leisure rather than vocationally. Calvin, Connor and Tom had arrived an hour ago for a swim, Daniel too except he was rather more in the mood to be a voyeur than a participant so he and Johnnie were kindred spirits.

"So, how are things going with you and Dean?" Daniel asked.

"Good enough for a date with half my friends," Johnnie answered.

"That sounds like only half an answer," Daniel observed.

Johnnie sighed and turned to face him properly; "Someone kinda hit on me today."

"Wow, what did you say?" Daniel responded.

"What do you think I said?" Johnnie protested; "I said no."

"Yea, ok. I didn't mean to suggest you'd shag him in the locker room. I just meant... y'know... what did you say?" Daniel explained.

Johnnie heard how defensive he had sounded and felt bad for protesting too much.

"Sorry. The someone was David, you remember that I guy I met when I modelled a month ago? He was nice but I said no `cause I'm dating Dean," Johnnie expanded on his previous answer.

"Which you sound thrilled about," Daniel observed.

Johnnie smiled and sighed.

"I am thrilled. Really, I am, it's just..." Johnnie hesitated. "I get a feeling sometimes. I mean, I've never really dated someone I felt so much for before."

He had phrased that carefully to avoid mentioning Calvin – someone for whom he had very strong feelings but since they had never actually dated, Cal didn't count.

"I really like Dean and I think I might..." Johnnie really didn't want to say the `L' word yet.

"I get it. And you feel bad because you like David too? Because it's ok to window shop as long as you don't touch other merchandise," Daniel intersected helpfully.

"Except I think I care about Dean more than he does about me," Johnnie said, eradicating the levity; "I think I could be really happy, like... Tom and Connor happy... but Dean doesn't love me."

"Maybe he's just not there yet," Daniel said after a while; "You've been ready to feel this way for a while and you guys have been dating for only a few weeks. C'mon, he doesn't 'L' word you after a month... maybe you're expecting too much? Give him some time. You like him, he likes you; you're both happy. Just give it some time."

"I need to make this work," Johnnie said quietly.

"Why?" asked Daniel.

"So I know I can make it work," Johnnie replied.

It was a circular argument but Daniel resisted unpicking it - it's always easier to be objective about someone else's relationship rather than your own.

"I'm serious, Johnnie. You're doing fine," Daniel said as he put his hand, platonically, on Johnnie knee; "I mean, who wouldn't want you?"

Johnnie was comforted until he really thought about the answer to that particular rhetorical question: the list already had Calvin's name on it. Ok, so Johnnie was playing it loose with the word "list" given it only had one name on it, but still.

Still, what?

That's what Johnnie wondered. Then he needed a pee and so let his bladder take his mind off his relationship issues.

It was strange being happy in a relationship and yet thinking one had relationship issues. A half hour had passed and Daniel had moved on to talking about movies - Power Rangers vs. Ghost in the Shell - while waiting for the others to get changed. Johnnie had suggested they head out to dinner in their Speedo, and Connor seemed to give this idea some thought, but ultimately they decided clothes were more appropriate.

Dean had texted and would be arriving imminently and Johnnie was looking forward to them all getting to know Dean a bit better. Everybody met in the foyer of the Symposium and chatted amiably, if a little noisily, for a while before deciding to head out. They gave some thought to heading into Stirling city centre for dinner but it would be cheaper to stay in town as they intended to drive to dinner but also to get pissed after it.

Johnnie interrupted a conversation between Dean and Calvin only when he realised they were talking academia; "Office hours are nine to five, Monday to Friday."

Calvin and Dean laughed it off and moved onto conversations with their respective lovers.

"So, what did you do today?" Johnnie asked Dean as Cal departed to go pinch Daniel's bum.

"I read a book, tidied the flat and bought fresh milk," Dean responded.

"That sounds exciting."

Dean rolled his eyes; "Exciting is for people who don't need to check their bank balance to make sure they can afford fresh milk."

Johnnie laughed; "In that case dinner's on me."

"Yummy."

Johnnie and Dean were still thinking about eating food off one another when a ringing phone interrupted their reverie. It took a moment for Dean to realise it was his phone. Dean seemed to look at the screen for a long time.

"You ok?" asked Johnnie.

"I'll just be a minute," Dean said as he walked out of earshot to take the call.

Johnnie was watching him and thinking about their easy banter and thinking that maybe he had not given Dean enough credit; at this moment it felt like they were closer than Johnnie had earlier estimated.

"Hello, Benjamin," answered Dean.

His ex-boyfriend.

"Hi. I just thought I'd call and say I'm back in town."

"Now..." Dean said, stuck for what to say and how it say it; "Now isn't a good time."

A chuckle sounded over the line.

"If you want a good time you should come over to my place."

"I'm out just now... with my boyfriend," Dean answered.

There was a pause before Benjamin answered.

"Is it serious?"

"I'm going out with all his friends tonight," Dean half answered.

"Is he better in bed than me?"

"Ben, don't," Dean said, faintly embarrassed.

"Sorry, you're right... no-one's better in bed than me."

Dean smiled despite himself. The he looked over at Johnnie who was signalling that time was getting on.

"He's a great guy. Don't ruin this for me," Dean decided to say.

There was a reason why Ben was an on, off; on, off; on, off boyfriend.

"Oh, come on Dean. Don't blame me. You're the one who answered the phone to your ex while on a date with... what's his name?"

"Johnnie," Dean supplied.

"Johnnie? You're dating a prophylactic?"

"I'm going now," Dean said, resenting the mirth in Benjamin's voice.

"Wait. Promise you'll think about coming over. Maybe not tonight, but sometime. To catch up."

Dean knew quite nicely what Ben had in mind when he said "catch up" and he was disinclined to agree.

"I can't promise that, Ben. I told you, I have a boyfriend," Dean said.

"Tell me maybe then. Tell me that."

Dean wondered what Johnnie would say if their positions were reversed. He should say no - Dean knew he had made bad choices before, especially when it came to Benjamin.

On, off; on, off; on, off...

"Ok. Maybe," then Dean hung up so he didn't have to endure Ben's smugness.

"Everything ok?" Johnnie asked.

Dean nodded.

"Cool, `cause I'm starved," Johnnie said breezily; "You hungry?"

Dean had found his appetite was all but gone; "Maybe."

Martin and E.J. were still curled together when they aroused for an inevitable second round.

Who could tell who awoke from their respite first, but both were ready to explore and touch one more time. Martin had been happy with E.J. today but had yet to have his own moment of perfect happiness, thus he ached to cum. He wanted to be inside E.J. and he wanted to enjoy this moment... because it would never come again.

However he thought this day would go, however he imagined E.J. taking the revelation that they were father and son, he had not expected it to be with cocks and cum. Cocks And Cum; pretty much the working title of Martin's autobiography.

Neither of them talked as Martin rolled over onto his back and pushed the sheet down to reveal his chest and then his groin; his dick stiffened under the eyes of E.J. and grew fully as Martin provocatively stroked and tugged and rubbed it with slow and deliberate caution.

E.J. pushed the sheet all the way off and sat up then reached over and took control over Martin's penis. Martin put his hands behind his head, exposing himself completely while E.J. worked the thick leaky dick. Martin let out little moans as E.J. toyed with him, never quite letting him reach orgasm for he too wanted more penetration before the night was over.

At last, E.J. let go and leaned over to offer a kiss - no tongue - that was tentative and affectionate. Then he got onto all fours and stuck out his arse.

Martin needed no encouragement.

He moved around the surface of the bed until he was behind E.J. and then he stroked his cock between E.J.'s cheeks. The head of his cock was completely exposed and firing with sensation as it leaked pre-cum onto the sphincter and lubing it for entry.

Martin pressed his cock against the hole and pushed. E.J. pushed his arse back against the phallic and it eased the hole wider. E.J. was tight, certainly compared to Martin, and the sensation was great for both of them. E.J. felt his anus open up and Martin felt his dick being slowly swallowed.

So Martin pulled back and teased it more, again sliding and gliding the glans of his penis across the quaking hole. Finally ready to really fuck, Martin pointed his cock straight into E.J.'s waiting bum hole and pushed, not hard, slowly but surely allowing his dick to be accepted.

E.J. and Martin moaned under their respective experiences; E.J. knew the first two thirds of his anus had more sensory sensitivity when being fucked, but the deepest part was more sensitive to pressure and would go wild when Martin pushed all the way in.

Which he did.

Martin and E.J. were panting and sweating again as he pushed in and out, stimulating the nerves inside his penis as well as the thousands of nerves bundles in and around E.J.'s anus.

E.J. had been on all fours too long and was starting to feel sore, so as Martin pushed deep again he rose up his back and altered Martin's angle of entry just slightly. Martin had to push up as well as in, but now his torso could connect with E.J.'s back.

Martin had pulled out and was just pushing in again when he slid his hands up E.J.'s chest to grasp his pectorals. Once his penis was deep inside E.J. again, his own chest in close contact with E.J.'s back, he rested. They hugged – front to back - Martin holding E.J. close and they felt as close to another man as either had ever felt before, closer even. They knew they would never feel this way again.

They maintained their embrace for a long while, either daring to end it.

But all good things...

E.J. leaned forward and Martin let him go, and then pulled all the way out to let E.J. change position. E.J. lay on his right side with his right leg stretched out at nearly ninety degrees to his body; his left leg he lifted straight in the air and held in place at the calf with his hand. His hole was eminently accessible and Martin took the opportunity to push his dick back into the stretched sphincter.

It did not take much time to pick up speed again and E.J. felt fourteen years younger as his cock was hard and ready to cum again. He gave it hard tugs with his right hand, almost as hard as the rigid phallus being pushed inside him.

E.J.'s stimulated prostate gave rise to a second body-numbing orgasm that caused him to shake long after his cock had discharged.

When Martin himself climaxed it was still inside E.J. but the final weak spurts were still flowing even when his slid his penis free with a sloppy `plop' from E.J.'s arse. Martin smeared the cum and pre-cum and sweat all over the outside of E.J.'s hole and he pressed in again to push more cum inside, when it leaked out, Martin pushed it back in again with his hard-on.

Panting and physically spent they fell beside each other again, this time with Martin curled into E.J.'s back. The sheets were messy; sticky and all over the place and the room reeked of sex.

After a while, E.J. turned over to face Martin; he was the most beautiful thing and it hurt him to know...

"Not yet," Martin whispered; "Don't let it be over yet."

E.J. smiled with a mixture of sadness, understanding and agreement. This had to end, but not just yet. E.J. thought, deep down, that he ought to feel guilty for having sex with Martin again. It was `bad' enough when Martin was fourteen years his junior; he the sensible adult and Martin the impressionable youth. But to know that he was really Martin's dad... that made their affair even more vexing.

But E.J.'s love for Martin, and vice versa, had been too great a temptation. Martin was unobtainable - a tantalising offer that E.J. could not accept. The source of that word was known to E.J.

Tantalus was a figure in Greek mythology who was punished by the gods for cooking his son and serving him up in a banquet. Tantalus was forced to stand in water that receded when he tried to drink; beneath branches bearing fruit that rose from reach when he tried to eat. This was the torment of Tantalus.

Something that one wants, that can never be had.

Almost never.

E.J. thought, deep down, that he ought to feel guilty for having sex with Martin again. But he didn't.

E.J. was thinking about the aphorism `sins of the father' and thinking it had never been more apt; homosexuality was no sin, though E.J. thought this from the privileged position of the non-believer, but regardless he had passed it onto Martin. Like father like son. Word play appealed to E.J. - not sins of the father but the son's of the father.

"Did you mean what you said before?" Martin asked, ending E.J.'s reverie.

"What?"

"That you... you know?" Martin asked without asking.

E.J. understood – feelings were not always the same outside the bemusing fog of sex and people sometimes say things during intercourse they do not mean after they've had their fill. But not in this case.

E.J. nodded before saying softly; "I love you... and I always will."

"Me too. Always," said Martin.

"But you know..." E.J. started to say, because one of them had to eventually.

"We can't do this again," Martin finished for him.

It was only fair he said it. It was Martin who had discovered the truth, Martin who hid it and ran away from it and ruined something good when he could have ended without breaking E.J.'s heart. Or at least without breaking it without explanation.

There was silence in the room, eventually broken by mournful tears from Martin.

"You know that place between sleeping and awake? That place where you can still remember dreaming?" asked E.J. as his hand wiped the tears away; "That's where I'll always be thinking of you."

Martin was glad to hear the comforting words of J.M. Barrie, of a story they both loved and both understood as being about the fear of growing up and moving on. Neither of them wanted to move on. Martin didn't even know how to do such a thing.

"Never say goodbye..." Martin admonished, quoting the book himself though not supplying the conclusion (...because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting).

Martin didn't want E.J. to go away. Not ever.

"I'll never forget this, Martin," E.J. whispered softly and soothingly.

"Can I stay?" Martin asked.

He had never seemed so young and vulnerable yet E.J. knew if this was their last time together it could be well spent and that it wasn't over until it was over.

"For a little while," E.J. answered.

E.J. and Martin fell asleep again; each knowing the day was drawing to a close. E.J. loved Martin very deeply... he'd miss him when he woke.

This author does not support, advocate or advise unprotected sexual intercourse.

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If you are enjoying this story, I have also written:

School Exhibitionism - http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/school-exhibitionism

The Symposium - http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/authoritarian/the-symposium/