At this point, my story begins to describe sexual things. If you are underage, or if stories about sexual awakening bother you, please stop reading. I am only trying to honestly portray what happened to me. The conversations are probably not accurate quotes, but more the gist of what I remember being said.
The Early Origins of Jamie's Transformation Chapter 3
Because he was older, Robert took the lead in most of our times together. We talked about whatever he wanted to talk about, I got involved in his interests--model building, drawing and building forts in the woods behind our houses. Both our mothers worked outside the home, and his worked longer hours. Whereas my mom was home by the time I got home from school, Robert's mom worked until 5. That meant that, at times, he and I were alone for an hour or two if we went to his house.
I won't say he was a braggart, but he liked to talk about his achievements and I was a great listenter. One thing he talked about was girls. There were 2 or 3 girls in his class at school that he really liked and, as he was a handsome kid, most of the girls in his class liked him. He had a great personality, though, and everyone seemed to like him. He wasn't shy and introverted like I was. If they hadn't been only 13, those girls would probably have been all over him. But back then, kids were still a bit more naïve about things.
I certainly was. Though my mother had spoken to me about sex and how it all worked, I didn't yet think of it as something that applied to me. I was aware that at times my penis got stiff, and I suppose I understood that was part of the "making babies" process. But I didn't think about girls in a sexual way. Mostly, I envied them. As I've said, being essentially raised by my mom and my aunt Susan, and having Jenny a part of my family, I was used to being in a female world. Having been able to "be a girl" from time to time had made me, I think, less likely to see girls as objects of sexual desire. Rather, I saw them as creatures to emulate. I didn't see myself as unlike them, but I saw them as speaking, acting and moving in a way that I liked and wanted to emulate.
I didn't talk about it. I wasn't really all that consciously aware of how much I wanted to act and feel more feminine. It all just happened. I certainly didn't talk to Robert about it. by the time I was 10, and he 13, I was aware that, probably, other boys did not dress as girls from time to time, or look at pretty clothes and want them. Robert was all boy, and around him, I suppose I took on a more boyish way of acting. I was still "softer," but I don't think he ever saw me as not being a boy.
One day, we were at his place after school. His mom was not yet home and so we were alone watching some cartoon show on TV and talking. He was talking about a girl that he really liked. I remember that when he talked about girls, I felt somehow dismayed. I wanted him to be MY friend, to think about hanging out and having fun with me. He didn't talk about his friendships with other boys at school. Just the girls. And I suppose I felt jealous when he did. The particular day I just mentioned, he got home from school a bit excited and when he saw me out in my yard, he called me to come over.
So there we were watching TV, but he was talking about this girl. I don't remember her name. Just a girl in his class. Not even the girl he liked the most but, apparently, they had found themselves alone in the school library and were talking and they began kissing. He said they kissed a long time and he kept referring to "frenching." They were "frenching." I had no idea what that meant. So I asked what it was.
He looked at me as if he couldn't believe I had never heard of it. "It's how adults kiss."
I still didn't get it. I said, "Like when they kiss on the lips?"
He laughed to himself and said, "Yeah, but its more than just touching lips together. Like on TV or in a movie when you see people kiss, it looks like they are just touching their lips together, but they do more. They use their tongues."
I didn't know what to make of that. Did they lick each others lips as they kissed?
He laughed again when I asked that, and said he couldn't believe I didn't get it. "No, they push their tongues into each others mouths."
All I could ask was, "Why?" It seemed like a strange thing to do.
"Because it feels amazing."
"It does?" I was not asking that as if to say I was intrigued and wanted to try it, I was sincerely puzzled and not able to even imagine how it would work. Each of their tongues in the other persons mouth? At the same time? How would that work?
"Yes it does, believe me. Kissing her felt so amazing. You'd love it."
"I would? What felt so good about it."
He shook his head. "I can't explain it. You have to do it."
"Well I guess I would try it if someone wanted to that I liked. I don't know."
Then it got quiet. The TV was on, but I remember the conversations stopped and he just looked at me. I was suddenly really embarrassed. I felt like a dumb kid that didn't know anything. Another evidence that I was way younger than him.
But then he said something that changed everything for me going forward. He said, "If you want, you can pretend you're a girl and I'll show you. You just can't tell anyone." I didn't know what to say. I wasn't scared by the proposition. I just thought, yeah I guess I can do that. I certainly knew how to pretend I was a girl! But of course, I didn't tell him that. I just said, "Okay."
"And you won't tell anyone?"
"I won't."
"Then just close your eyes and pretend you're a girl that likes a guy..." So I closed my eyes. I felt him move near me, and then his arm went around me and pulled me toward him. Our lips touched. I had mine puckered, the way you do when you kiss your mother on the cheek.
He pulled back slightly and said "Just let your mouth open up when our lips come together and I'll do it."
So I did, and seconds later, I felt the warm, intimate sensation of his tongue in my mouth, moving around and touching my own. Shock waves went through my body. Nice ones. He didn't pull back, just kept moving his tongue in my mouth. I cant remember anything else... just the sensation of that. But I must have been holding my own tongue very still so he broke the kiss just long enough to whisper, "Move your tongue around to feel mine like I'm doing to yours."
I did. I had been sitting on the couch next to him but somehow I realized I had laid back and he was on top of me. I loved that feeling. He was bigger and stronger but I trusted him and so it felt good to have his arms around me and ... he was right, kissing like that felt "amazing."
It seemed like a long time--many minutes--before he stopped and looked into my eyes as they opened. "Does it feel as good as I said?"
I nodded. He smiled. "You actually do it as good as she did. Do you want to keep doing it a while?"
I nodded again. We went on kissing for what seemed like an hour. Might have been fifteen or twenty minutes. As we did, his legs wrapped around mine and I felt his body moving against mine. The kisses seemed to get more intense. Then his body tensed and he stopped, but, for another few minutes, he kept holding me as closely as when he was still kissing me.
Then he sat up and looked embarrased and said he had homework to do and that I'd better go. That was it. We'd kissed, but it was just an activity like playing marbles. At least, there wasn't any kind of lingering romantic stuff. Just "I've got homework." And so I went home.
At home, I went in my room and laid on my bed and daydreamed about kissing. Not just kissing Robert, but kissing. Or, rather, being kissed. I wanted to be kissed again. I wanted to feel that feeling again. I didn't think about any particular person exactly. Maybe him to a degree, but it wasn't that I wanted HIM. I wanted that feeling of someone on top of me pushing themselves into me.
The next day, we were together again. It all seemed normal and like a typical day. He was at my house this time. My mom was home but we were in my room and he said, "Lets go to my house."
I asked why and he said, "We can have more fun there."
He didn't mention kissing, but a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach said I liked the idea. Being alone with Robert now held the promise of "that feeling" again. We didn't talk about it. We just went to his house and ended up back on that same couch.
"Did you tell anybody we kissed yesterday?"
I said no.
"Did you think it was weird? Or did you like it?"
"I liked it."
He said he liked it to, and if I wanted to keep pretending I was a girl, it would be fun to do it some more. I agreed. And so it began again. We kissed deeply, I felt like melting butter in his hands. He sucked my tongue into his mouth; something he hadn't done the day before. It was a very different sensation--him suckign on my tongue like you'd suck on an all-day sucker. I loved it.
His legs went around me again, and he began moving against me again. I liked that. I liked the feeling that our bodies were kind of mixing together and moving together. He broke the kiss and began kissing my neck. When he did, I let out a moan. More like a whimper but a good whimper. He stopped when I did and said, "that sounded cool. Did you like me kissing you there?"
I said yes and so he started again kissing and kind of sucking on my neck and that made me squirm, so that his body moved even harder against mine. I felt embarrassed by the sounds I was making, but I couldn't help it, they just happened. It was about as excciting a moment as I'd ever known.
Then, his body stiffened again, and HE made a sound. I was afraid he'd hurt himself. The sound was a groan that, to me, sounded like a groan of pain. I know now that he was climaxing. That day and the day before he had been dry humping me as he kissed me and he'd had orgasms. I had no idea then what an orgasm was. That was something he explained later.
For that day, what I remember most is how wild it all felt. How out-of-control. And I remember he looked at me afterward, as we still were laying there together and he said, "You know, in the face, you look as pretty as a lot of girls do. It's fun to kiss you."
Another shock wave through the body when I heard those words. "I like when you kiss me too," I said. It was a simple thing to say but it didn't come close to expressing what I felt. He'd said I was "pretty." Up to that time, only my mom, aunt Susan and Jenny had said anything like that. And only when I was dressed and truly looking like a girl.
Now, a boy was saying it. That I was pretty. And that I was fun to kiss. I would have done anything he asked me to at that moment. In fact, over the next few weeks, I did do anything he asked. And I learned how much I loved pleasing another guy.
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