The following fictional story deals with sex among males. If you are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in a location where it is not allowed, please depart. Though not observed in this story, care enough about yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.
The author retains all rights. EvanBradley33@Yahoo.com
Chapter 27 Forgiveness
Max and Kenji's Home
Max's sixth sense had kicked in. He had realized two days earlier that something was bothering Kenji again. Hal and Max had thought that Kenji's sharing details of his father's casting him out of his home would have brought him peace. Max didn't know if that was still an issue or if it was something at the site that was bothering his lover. Over the next two days he'd been very observant, but he'd seen nothing at the site to suggest what might be causing Kenji's preoccupation. Max hadn't pushed at first to know what was wrong, but he'd noticed Kenji's deepening mood. On their patio that evening, Max had drawn Kenji out by encouraging him to share his take on Drew's meeting Jimmy the previous afternoon, details of which Hal had joyfully shared with the crew that morning at the site. Finally, Max and Kenji had lapsed into silence as they sipped their beers.
"So what's bothering you, Love?" Max asked.
Kenji let out a weak chuckle. "I'm not certain I like being so transparent to you. I might want to hide some things."
"Baby, when you are billing and cooing over my cock being planted in your hot ass, I could get you to spill anything."
Kenji snorted. "Like hell."
"Want to test it out?" Max dared, grabbing his stiffening dick.
"I guess you've been in me enough times to open the inner me to the world. I'm going to have to watch some more Charlie Chan movies to remember how to be inscrutable," Kenji responded as he and Max chuckled.
"Seriously, Babe," Max addressed his lover. "What's crawled up on your back?"
"Yuki."
Max waited as Kenji fell into thought. "You're worried about your little brother?" Max asked.
"Yes." Max waited. "Yuki's going to be 18 in two days. He'll be going off to college in the fall. I'm wondering how he's doing. So I made a decision without talking to you about it."
"Oh?"
"My dad and mom would destroy any letter I sent to Yuki at home. They wouldn't let me talk to him if I called him at home. But I had to try to connect with him, so I sent a letter to him at his school."
Max digested Kenji's confession. 'He must want badly to hear from Yuki,' Max decided. He certainly wasn't going to chide Kenji. Even though Max didn't think Kenji had done anything wrong, he sensed that Kenji needed some sort of forgiveness from Yuki. Frankly, Max thought Yuki was the one who owed an apology to Kenji.
"I'm worried about Yuki, Max. He fell so quickly into the role of victim because he was afraid of our dad. I think my being kicked out shocked him. He may not be prepared to cope with his behavior in the face of my father's wrath even though he had begged me to fuck him. I think he's not going to be able to handle the guilt. As young as I am, I know unresolved guilt warps, and the more it's suppressed, the deeper it harms. That's why I had to tell Hal and you what happened."
"You felt guilty about that?" Max asked. "I can't imagine why."
"Well, we were caught. Maybe I should have been more careful. Maybe I gave in to Yuki too much. I don't know. . . No matter what, I realize that I love Yuki so much that I don't want him to suffer harm so deep it will take him years to recover - assuming he ever can. Look at how long Hal's dragged Richie's ghost around."
Max could see unshed tears glittering in Kenji's dark eyes. "Of course, I don't know how Yuki would feel about a letter or call from me. He may have bought totally into the victim role he adopted when my dad caught us fucking in the garage. But I have to try, Max. Even if Yuki ignores me."
"Won't you hurt more if he does ignore you?"
"Maybe, but I decided it's worse imagining what I don't know for a fact than living with what I do know is fact."
"Of course you included contact information in case he wanted to reach you?"
"Oh, yes." The two lovers continued to nurse their beers in silent thought, tracing out the possibilities.
Drew's Office
By the working week's end, Drew was taking himself to task for blaming Rich for his insecurities - the chief of which was looking bad in front of someone. Whatever happened, he wanted to get over that. He regarded it as a character flaw. He decided to call Angie, the Earthmother, for help. Just as quickly, it occurred to him that Rich was probably wondering what had happened to him since he'd given some assurances that he'd not honored. Drew realized that Rich, the Medicine Man, had broken through a barrier. It was necessary. Once the barrier was broken, he had to leave the restaurant.
Without a moment's hesitation, Drew called Rich's office. Rich's secretary put him on hold after taking his name. Before he knew it Rich's voice was tumbling out on the line: "Drew, are you okay, Buddy? I pushed you hard at lunch. I apologize. I thought it was good for you to get it ALL out so that you could move on. When you didn't call and didn't show up at Murphy's Gym, I knew I'd gone to far. Tell me that we're okay . . . please."
"We're okay, Rich. I was upset - more finally with me than you. It's like I'm feeling my way along in the dark. When I'm up against an 'event,' I don't know what to do. I just feel without thinking. I want to get over that, but I don't know how. Do you?"
"Get back in with the crew, Drew. Get back to your base. Our crew is our tribe, our clan. We will allow no one inside or outside to endanger us again. We all want you back. The guys really do care about you - and Hal. You have to let us love you. "
"Does that mean getting back in with Hal?"
"No more than you allow. You haven't lost control of that. And Hal's not pushing to run your show. Remember that we were all buddies first. We can still be that without anything's happening again between you and Hal."
"Damn, that sounds so hollow to me - I mean nothing happening between Hal and me. I guess I want something to happen."
"Maybe. You've made it clear, and Hal accepts that whatever happens between you two, it will do so only with your approval. Nobody's going to stampede you into anything."
"So what do I do?"
"Come to Murphy's tonight. We'll all be there - where we started out."
"Is it a regular night for you guys?"
"Yeah. You can come walking in late as we discussed. About a half hour after we all arrive. We'll all be out on the floor just getting into our workout. It'll give all of us a buzz. Randy and Esteban are joining us, so you won't be the special attraction. You'll feel like you are on firmer footing, Drew. I promise."
"What will Hal think?"
"What difference does it make?"
"I don't know, Rich, but it does. Sounds crazy, huh?"
"Drew, I need to tell you something. I need to make you aware that Hal really has moved beyond Richie. He's different. He's like you now: waiting for the next step. He wants you two back together. But if you never want that to happen, it won't. If you wish it to happen, it will."
Drew barked in frustration, "But I don't know how to make anything happen! As you can hear, I'm really impatient with myself. It's like I hold the keys to a door but I don't know how to unlock it."
"You're doing your usual 'Drew thing' by thinking your route must be entirely mapped out before you proceed. Sometimes, Drew . . . sometimes, Buddy . . . you just walk across the bridge and let Providence work magic. I know what you are thinking even as I tell you this: you are thinking about that night in Hal's bedroom. You are thinking that you don't want to leave yourself open to going through that again. I'm going to go out on a limb here: I promise you that won't happen." Rich received nothing as a reply except silence, but he knew Drew was weighing and sifting the words he'd just heard. "Trust yourself, Drew. Trust us. Then trust Hal. He's not the same guy that was with Brett in that bedroom. He couldn't be. Remember Brett put him through what Bret and Hal put you through. He's just as changed by it as you are."
"Hm-m-m-m, I do keep forgetting that," Drew admitted. "I guess showing up at Murphy's can't turn out any worse than those words he hurled at me that night." Drew tried to project himself into Murphy's, standing and facing Hal. Rich was silent, knowing Drew was poised at a decision point. "Okay, I'll be there."
"That's my bro," Rich said quietly but happily. "You're doing okay, Drew. You're healing. You're taking control. You're rejoining the best buddies you've ever had or ever will have. We're in each other's lives. We're in each other's blood. Don't you feel it? I'm telling you what I discovered when I forgave Wes and brought him back into my life. The same reward awaits you."
"We'll see," Drew commented.
Rich laughed. "See, you're no pushover."
Murphy's Gym
While Drew was walking to the entrance to Murphy's, he checked the cars to see who among the crew had arrived for the workout. It looked as though they were all there. Since he'd worn his workout clothes to the gym, he walked to his locker and deposited his carryall, noticing how good it felt to be back. He walked out of the locker room toward the weights room. When he entered the double doors, he saw the crew milling around while Randy, Levi, Max were using weight machines. Drew smiled as he saw Hal chatting up Esteban, pointing out various parts of the room. Jamal was the first to spot Drew. He nudged Tonio, and they both started toward Drew. Tonio was beaming; Jamal was betraying nothing except for his determined pace toward Drew. When they reached him, they pulled him into a hug, trapping him between them. Since they were much taller than Drew, he disappeared. "Babe, you're back. We're whole again," Jamal said softly, running his hand down over Drew's ass.
"Bro Drew," Tonio followed, "we've missed you. It feels so good to have you back." Then Jamal and Tonio bent down and kissed Drew, making him blush. Unlike the old Drew, he didn't look around to see if anyone was watching.
"Hey," Ted exclaimed, "it's Drew. Hal's head spun around, but all he saw were the guys and Tonio and Jamal standing off a little way in a strange hug. Without any announcement, the crew had realized previously that Jamal and Tonio were a committed couple, so Hal wasn't surprised at their proximity to each other. Then he saw Rich walking over to the couple. When Drew pushed Jamal and Tonio away gently, laughing, Wes and Carl followed Rich over to the other guys. Before he knew it, all the crew were following Rich, leaving Hal standing with Esteban and Randy, sitting at his machine, watching what was unfolding.
'I gotta get in on this,' Hal thought, excusing himself and walking toward the group. He timed his arrival just right - reaching the group when the last hug of greeting had occurred. Kenji used his arm around Drew's waist to pull Drew around and point him toward Hal, who stood a bit apart, waiting to learn if Drew would greet him. He was rewarded with a smile as Drew started walking toward him. Hal couldn't believe how relieved he suddenly felt knowing that Drew wasn't going to freeze him out. Drew clapped his arms around Hal when he reached him, pulling him hard against him, and trying to squeeze the stuffing out of him. Hal had to lean down a little, but he hugged Drew just as tightly. 'Maybe this is going to work after all,' Hal thought.
The crew gathered around their two buddies, patting their butts or squeezing their arms or clapping hands on their shoulders in affection, expressing their happiness about the two guys. All movement stopped at Drew's words. "Hal, I'd like for us to give each other another chance - if you are open to that?"
"It's what I've hoped and prayed for," Hal replied, his heart singing - until he heard Drew's next words.
"There's still a lot of debris to be cleared way though before we try again."
Hal groaned inwardly, realizing that he was about to do penance. Then he remembered what he wanted.
"You said some hard things to me in your bedroom. And you said them in front of all of us. That's the debris we have to clear away. If I've piled any up in your way, then I'll take care of that now too."
Silence surrounded the crew even though others in the vast gym continued to talk. Hal's face assumed a grim look, but he understood what Drew was doing. Drew was so straightforward. And unrelenting. The eternal verities had to be observed. He was taking Hal right back where it really went bad for Drew, for all of them, including, ironically, Hal himself. And Hal understood that - the rightness of it. If Hal could explain in front of all of them, then he really meant it. 'I bet if he could get Brett here too, he'd have him prostrating himself before the crew,' Hal thought, shaking his head a bit. Esteban and Randy had pulled up to the fringes of the group, standing just behind Bobby. When he turned and saw them, he stepped back, placing an arm around the waist of each and pulling them forward into the group. 'These men, this crew,' Esteban thought, 'they really love each other. And they include anyone!'
"I'll refresh your memory," Drew said quietly. "While you still had your cock buried in Brett, you said, 'See this man lying under me? He brings more excitement, energy, love, and magic into my bed than you ever did.'" Hal noticed that Drew still colored in embarrassment as he spoke the words. "Maybe your explanation can wipe those words out of our memory stores."
Hal paused. He realized it was time to open himself up, even if it meant being destroyed before his buddies. He began slowly: "How strange my own words sound to me now, how hateful. I find myself thinking 'How could I have ever said that to this man?'" Randy and Esteban looked at each other. Others in the large room glanced at the group of buddies, noticing that no one was moving, that two of them were sort of squared off against each other. That was a departure for the group who was often admired and envied by other members, who had become aware of a special bond among them. They hoped a fight wasn't about to break out.
Hal continued, "You may find it hard to believe, Drew, but even now I can't believe I said something so vicious to you. I believe all of you," Hal said, glancing at those assembled, "would affirm that it's not in keeping with my character or personality." Hal swallowed loudly. "But I know I said those words to you. Their being so incongruous also reveals how much I was not in my element. Many things were happening for which only one of us that night was prepared. You all know now how Brett set up the entire fiasco. I wasn't just drunk; I was drugged too. I think you've realized that. I was embarrassed just before I spoke those words to you, Drew. While I couldn't understand what you all were doing in my bedroom, when you spoke to me Drew, part of me wanted to walk over and pull you into my arms, and kiss you passionately, for I heard words that I'd wanted to hear all my life. You said, in effect, that I was the focus of all your desires. How many times I have wished since to hear those words spoken again. But my whacked-out brain also told me I was back at the orphanage with Richie Collins - before I ever knew you. Those drugs told me that death had been defeated and Richie was back with me. I know it's crazy, Drew, but I truly believed it. It was easy since Brett had drugged me. I wasn't talking about Brett when I spoke those words to you. I was back in the orphanage talking about my first love."
Hal sighed, looking down at the polished floor of the gym, feeling that his shortcomings and weaknesses were reflected back at him. "I honestly don't know how to make sense of any of it, Drew, guys," he said, including all of them. Drew and the crew realized then that Hal was apologizing to all of them, attempting to release them from the ugliness of that night. "So I ask forgiveness from all of you, but especially you, man of my heart," he said to Drew.
"Now I'm not going to speak anymore to what happened that horrible night. I'm going to speak to what CAN happen in the future - if you allow it," he focused his attention on Drew. "You don't have to listen to me. But if you don't, you'll live to regret it. I hate all the shit you've had to wade through to get to this point. I know: once again I'm asking you to give yourself over with no guarantees. I promise I won't allow you to fall this time. And I won't drop you or turn away from you." Hal could almost see Drew's ears "on point." Hal knew he was saying what Drew had wanted to hear. It humbled Hal. He could never disappoint this man again - not deliberately. Nor could he allow someone like Brett to co-opt him again to get what he wanted. Hal wanted Drew, what Drew offered. Drew offered exactly what Hal thought Richie offered - love, stability, completeness, care, refuge, peace. Why couldn't he have seen that when Drew came along?
"I'll tell you now," Hal said, walking a few paces forward to stand before Drew, placing a finger under Drew's chin and forcefully - and he knew it had to be forcefully - raising it to look upon his face. "I know you'll never betray me the way Richie did with drugs and the way Brett did with Gwen Thomas."
"Or the way you betrayed us with Brett." Hal's jaw locked tight at Drew's gut punch. He knew he deserved it. "But you have to offer justice. Not a slick half-apology," Drew warned.
"I WANT to feel forgiven, Drew. I WANT to feel that I've made up for what I did and said to you. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. I love you, Drew." . . . Hal pulled him tighter too him. "I realize that you deferred to me all the time in the past. I guess you were afraid of my walking away from you if you demanded what you had a right to expect from me. You never called me to account for my behavior - even when you would have been justified in doing so. I knew that you wanted me to be entirely comfortable with you. My acceptance of your deference led to what occurred to split us up. I'm not blaming Brett entirely. Now I want you to challenge me, Drew, to be my better self."
"So where does this leave us?" Drew asked.
Hal thought a moment. "You tell me, Drew, where does it leave us?"
Drew smiled. "Ready to move out carefully, ready to begin to rebuild our relationship stronger than it was before." The crew started clapping. Then they surrounded the two former lovers, offering them words of encouragement and support.
The Cooper Home
Everyone had been on tenterhooks for two days after Randy and Angie had called their mother and invited their parents to dinner this very evening to greet Randy and meet Esteban. Randy had been hopeful when he'd talked to their mother. She was delighted that she was going to get to see him. When Randy explained his situation, she wasn't shocked at all. "I'd pretty much figured it out," she said. "Most kids can't fool their mothers, Son. We were never invited to where you were in Europe because you didn't want us to see something. When you came home you always seemed to be missing someone. When your father questioned you about a girl friend, I could tell that that was not what you were missing. So I knew it was probably a fella." She had said she would talk to their father that evening, and they would be happy to have dinner with their children and their spouses. Randy had asked how she thought his father would react. "Randy, I can't predict. It's not anything I ever discussed with your father or he with me. We'll all hope for the best."
Randy had been quiet most of the day after that. When the guys returned from a workout at Murphy's Gym full of details of Drew's return to the crew, she sensed that Randy was the quietest of the three. Ordinarily, he'd be pumped that two people who'd had trouble had gotten back together. He'd always been a romantic at heart. "Randy, what's wrong? It's not like you to be so quiet about a wonderful turn of events," Angie asked.
"Oh, I'm happy for Drew and Hal, Sis. If the love I saw tonight holds, and I think it will, they've got a really great chance of putting it back together. It's just that I've been thinking. Mom's had my sexual orientation figured out for several years, but she's never discussed it with Dad. That's what bothers me. I realized she hasn't discussed it with him because she feared a negative response. You know Mom's not one to venture into an area if it's going to cause trouble. She'll avoid it as long as possible. She didn't even let me know that she had me figured out. I find that strange too."
"Hm-m-m-m," Angie said. "I hadn't thought about that. I wonder why she didn't say something to me too. We've always been close and pretty much confided in each other a lot. However, if she thought a negative response from Dad would bother me, she wouldn't let on to knowing anything at all. I guess that's the way she and Dad have chosen to live their lives. Suggests to me that there's a lot more buried and suppressed in their marriage than you or I would have guessed."
They'd left it at that, retiring for the evening, Angie to ply Bobby with questions about Drew and Hal at the gym, Esteban to hold his lover and caress him, trying to relieve his anxiety. The more fatalistic of the two, Esteban had no doubt that Randy's father would either show up and make a scene or wouldn't show up at all.
By late afternoon, Randy was pacing the house. Several times Angie was going to suggest that the two guys go for a ride or go shopping or return to Murphy's, but she knew that Randy wouldn't go. They were sitting in the living room, Randy holding little Hal Robert when they heard a car pull in the drive. Since it wasn't Bobby's pickup, they knew it was their parents. They arose, Randy passing his nephew to Angie as they walked to the front door. Randy pulled it open, revealing his mother alighting from her car. Randy's face froze. His father had chosen to stay away. Angie put her hand on Randy's arm and squeezed. Esteban put an arm around Randy's waist to reassure him.
When Tee Albright saw her son, she squealed his name in delight and shot into his arms. Since she was no taller than Angie, Randy had to bend down to hug her. 'Hard to believe such a big man was born of such a petite woman,' Esteban thought. Randy and his mother hugged and kissed several times, stumbling over each other's words to explain how glad they were to see each other. Finally, Randy stood up, taking his mother's hand and leading her over to Esteban and introducing them. Esteban was surprised at the warm greeting he received from Tee. She hadn't said five sentences before she started calling him "Son," infusing a warm feeling around his heart. She welcomed him to the family, asking him what he thought of his nephew. Here she turned to Angie, holding out her arms for the baby. Esteban was telling her about sharing the uncle role with Randy as Tee turned back to him smiling. Angie suggested that the guys go out and get Tee's bags, explaining to Tee that she would be sleeping in with the baby. Tee was delighted.
When they had settled in the living room, Randy addressed his mother: "I guess Dad was bothered by what you told him about me."
Tee shook her head in the affirmative. "Your father and I never ever discussed sexual orientation. You children don't know it but your father has never been comfortable discussing sex, not even between us. It's a hang-up from the Albrights, his family."
"Mom, you never said anything like that ever," Angie stated in surprise.
At that point, Bobby entered the front door. He walked over to Tee to bestow a hug and kiss on her, quietly exchanging greetings, then a kiss on Angie's cheek. He took Hal Robert into his arms, causing the little fella to wave his arms because he saw his dad. Bobby sensed the heavy atmosphere and the absence of his father-in-law, so he sat at Angie's feet, holding his son, and remained quiet.
"I can't believe you never let on at all," Angie iterated. "I always thought you and Dad had the perfect marriage."
"What good would it do to say anything? It would probably make you feel bad or, worse, feel that you had to do something to make it better by having a talk with your father. He really would have hated that. Ours isn't a perfect marriage. We have a marriage like that of most couples our age, I suppose."
"So what DID Dad say?" Randy asked.
"A lot of rubbish about his what his friends would think when they found out about you. How he felt betrayed and lied to. I told him to remember that he was turning away from his own son before he said another word to me about betraying anyone. I told him before he said another word about lying he should go back to Joan Remple, his secretary of 15 years ago, with whom he'd had an affair until she left town. And the woman he is keeping company with now."
"Mom! I didn't know!" Angie exclaimed.
"You were too young, dear. Others knew, including those friends of his. They'd just wink at each other and ask for details from your father. Got a big kick out of his two-timing me. I know because their wives knew too. We talked. As for his present woman, he's looking for what he's not finding in our marriage."
"What did Dad say when you exposed him?" Randy asked.
"Not . . . a . . . word! He just sat there turning six shades of red. I informed him that I was coming to spend some time with all of you and to meet my new son-in-law," Tee stated, smiling at Esteban, who beamed. "When your father rediscovered his voice, it was to tell me that he thought I should stay home with him. That we obviously had some old dust to settle. We had to figure out how we were going to face 'our' friends."
"I told him that that kind of transparent nonsense wasn't going to work on me. My children were more important to me than his friends. I didn't share blood with his friends. I did with my children. If he didn't feel the need for us to discuss these issues for years, I wasn't passing up a chance to see all of you just to listen to him now. Besides, I knew it would all come out as a sappy excuse that I was supposed to buy to make him feel better. Or it would be my entire fault. I didn't need to listen to that, certainly not at the expense of being here. My response caught him off guard."
"What are you going to do?"
Tee smiled at Angie. "Enjoy my children and grandson."
"But you have to go home to Dad."
"Yes, I know. You may as well know that I'll be separating from your father. Your Uncle Addison is drawing up the papers even now. It's not all your father's fault. I shouldn't have pretended all these years. It hurt us both. Kept us from moving on to something else that could have made us happier. I'm still not ruling out that I could be happier."
"Damn!" Randy exclaimed, rising from his place on the sofa by Esteban, shoving his hands in his pockets, and pacing the room. "If I hadn't come home, none of this would have happened."
"Now Son," Tee started to admonish him, "nobody can break up a good marriage but the couple themselves. If our marriage can't survive our learning about your sexual orientation, then it wasn't a healthy marriage to begin with. Besides, we had to learn about it sooner or later. A lot of parents learn the same thing from their children without their marriages breaking up. Son Esteban, did your parents' marriage suffer when they learned about your being in love with Randy?" she asked.
"No, Mom," Esteban answered, smiling that his mother-in-law had addressed him as her son. "They were happy that I was happy. Even not one of my brothers and sisters or their families had a problem. They all love Randy."
"You see what I mean?" Tee said to Randy. "Your father and I have been coasting, settling, but neither of us has been happy for a long time. I know it will take a little getting used to because we hid it from you all so well. But for the two of us, it's just a natural conclusion to what had been in decline for some years. Believe me, I won't worry. I've already talked to my sister and brothers. I'll be okay. I think your father will be more at ease himself."
The Coopers, Randy and Esteban sat in stunned silence, trying to come to terms with an unexpected turn of events. "Now Bobby," Tee said, her eyes twinkling with mischief, "are you going to share that handsome grandson of mine with me? I've got to get my 'grandma hours' in so that I can keep my grandparent license active."
(To be continued.)