The Comfort We Despise 12
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Chapter 12
The Act of Love
I turned expecting to see Jonah dead there...but it wasn't. It was Jackie. He was lying in a pool of blood. His blood was all over Lauren now and she was buckeyed staring there in madness.
Jonah had stopped to help Jackie. He had shook off my hand was now over there holding onto his brother's hand. His brother was dying right in his arms and there was nothing that I could do to comfort him. Lauren had the gun pointed at Jonah now.
Was this what we were down to?
I was looking in this room at a family completely torn apart. I stood in the doorway. I wasn't going to leave Jonah. There was no way in hell I was going to leave Jonah. Lauren was standing there breathing heavily.
"You going to kill me too?" Jonah asked, "Still feeling heartless?"
No...no...
Lauren didn't.
She turned the gun away from him and she put it on herself. And she pulled the trigger without any sort of reaction or fear or remorse or emotion.
And the gun didn't go off.
She was empty.
Lauren had been dragged out by the cops. She looked down the entire time they were taking her out, except when she walked past the door that I was. Her eyes darted to me silently and then returned to the floor. It was fucking haunting.
The Hill Girl massacre. The news trucks were everywhere. Ambulances were everywhere.
No one knew how to react. How could we have let this happen?
How couldn't we have seen this coming?
I felt a darkness myself as I had claw Jonah off of his brother so that the coroner could take Jackie's body away. Jonah had silent tears as I lead him out of the school. We walked together past bodies and bodies. Police were everywhere. Outside there were helicopters. Jonah squeezed onto my hand tighter as we got out. It was suddenly raining outside when once it had been a very beautiful day.
It was Preston the butler that had come to pick us up. He had this saddened look on his face.
"I'm glad the two of you are ok?"
"Where is my mother?" Jonah asked his voice shaking, "She needs to know...she needs to know what happened here."
"The police have taken her and your father in for questioning," the butler explained, "She knows. We all know..."
The cops had interviewed us for a while but let us go home. I couldn't imagine Pristine's reaction right now. I could imagine they'd be interviewing them for hours asking her how she could let this happen. I wanted to ask her the same damn thing. She probably had no idea. She had something to do with what had happened. We had ALL pushed Lauren to this.
Now we had paid the ultimate sacrifice.
It just kept running through my head. Jonah hadn't spoken a word since the shooting had occurred. He remained so quiet. When I got back to the house he went straight for my room. When I got to my room he was already in my shower.
"Jonah?"
I had knocked on the bathroom door. He was in there a little too long for my comfort. I didn't want to be away from him. I didn't trust myself away from him. All I cared about was being there. I wanted to love him. I walked into the bathroom and heard the whimpering. I couldn't stand it. I found myself walking into the shower with no care in the world. I was fully dressed. I walked into the shower with all my clothes and shoes and everything and I held him.
He was crying so hard.
He was naked in the shower and I didn't know why but I just wanted to comfort him. I grabbed his naked body and pulled it close to me. We sat there together with the shower water pouring over us.
"I tried to help. I came back to help," he explained.
I shook my head, "You can't save the world."
He seemed at this moment to be the most vulnerable than I have ever seen him. All walls that he ever had were completely toppled as he allowed me to see him so weak and desperate for comfort. I held him and I knew I would NEVER let anyone hurt his man that I adored again. I'd go to any lengths to protect him.
"Jackie...Jackie's dead...Rebecca's dead."
"Yes. Yes."
"You didn't leave me. I begged you to leave and you wouldn't leave my side. You're my angel. If anything would have happened to you today..."
"Let's stop talking about it right now," I told him, "Jackie sacrificed himself to save us. He fought for that gun so that we could live. Let's just be alive...right now...right here..."
Jonah shook his head, "But I just can't stop the pain Quashie?"
"Come here...give it to me then..."
I didn't even know what I meant by it but for some reason he did. He started to kiss me in that shower. Our tongues rolled on another and he started to rip the clothes off of me. He completely ripped them off of me. The water pouring over us as he threw the stands of my shirt out of the shower. Then he started at my pants. I could see such aggression and emotion in his eyes.
He needed comfort. He needed to feel loved.
And I was going to give him the love he needed. After I was completely naked and all my clothes out of the shower he just looked down at me laying the bottom of the top. He looked like some water spirit as the droplets of the shower came from behind him onto me. His body was amazing. His perfect tight abs and his beautiful v-neck that revealed a dick that was already hard.
"Do you want me?"
I had never seen a dick so big in my life.
"Oh my god."
"We don't have to if you don't want to..."
"No...no I do..."
"Hell yeah."
"Can I make love to you?" he asked.
He was always so polite. I bit down hard onto my lip. I could still see the tears stains even though the shower. I wanted to take the pain away in any way I could.
"Yes."
He started down on me kissing my neck, sucking my neck. The tongue rolled up the side of my body. For some reason I would have thought this would have been so much more awkward with Jonah but it wasn't. It felt right. He laid me on the bottom of the tub and he lifted my legs high above my heads and then he put his tongue there against my ass. He folded it at first and then unfolded it into my asshole. I could feel my grasping in ecstacy as he did it.
He ate me out for so long causing me to scream pulling down the shower curtain as that was the only thing I could grab to brace myself. He didn't seem to give a damn when it fell down though it had no effect on him. He leaned over me his body completely covering me but his chest holding my legs up.
"I'm gonna fuck you baby," he told me.
"Yes...please..."
"Are you ready for it? I need you right now baby. You have no idea. I need you."
"This body is yours. Do what you will..."
He pressed into me. I was so tight and I felt everything but it slid in. It was as though my body knew it wanted him. My body wanted his body just as much as my mind did. My muscles relaxed. Two inches...5 inches...10 inches and finally the full 11.
"I feel you in my stomach."
"Let me know when you feel it in your heart," he said.
He started to thrust upward and I started to scream at first and soon that scream started into heavy moans. You would think something like this would hurt. You think you would be in pain but when you are in love you find your body wanting this person regardless.
"I can cook for my boyfriend," Jonah told the cooks, "Thanks though."
I sat on the stool. It had been almost a full day and Jonah decided to make quesadillas for us. Ozzie had come over surprisingly but he was sitting around silently. No one had discussed what happened at the school yet. There was this silent sort of shock. We still hadn't come to terms with anything. It still wasn't a realization.
Ozzie was watching the news.
<If you are just joining us, one young woman dressed in all black opened fire at Breakwater Highschool yesterday after chain shutting the doors. At least 50 people have been injured and it has been confirmed that there were 28 fatalities. One of them the victims also happened to be the shooter's biological brother-->
Jonah looked like he was cringing at the mention Jackie.
"Can you shut that off Ozzie?" I asked.
He nodded and turned it off.
There was more silence.
"Have you talked to Pristine?" Ozzie asked, "Or Mr. Hill?"
Jonah didn't reply.
"They'll come around when they can," I stated shaking my head, "I'm sure everyone is dealing with this in their own way..."
Just as I said that I heard the door open. My heart stuttered a little when I saw Mr. Hill walk in. Ozzie and I exchanged looks. Jonah was cooking in the kitchen for me though and he wasn't even acknowledging Mr. Hill walking in. Mr. Hill's eyes went straight to Jonah first and then to me. I was surprised when Mr. Hill walked up to me first and gave me a strong hug.
I didn't know how to react to it as I hugged back.
"I'm glad you are ok," he said and then walked over to Jonah.
Jonah held out his hand, "Please don't touch me."
His hand had went up stopping his father from getting close to him. Mr. Hill looked confused. He even looked hurt a little bit. I wasn't too surprised Jonah hated people touching him besides me really. Still there was even more coldness behind his eyes.
"I'm so happy to see you guys are ok, Ozzie too...thank goodness," he stated.
"Yeah, thank god," Ozzie stated.
Jonah was quiet. He didn't even acknowledge his father. He seemed lost in his own world as he had been since the shooting. I was the only one he saw. He hadn't even offered to cook for Ozzie who was sitting right there. Still there was even a colder shoulder for his father.
"Where's Pristine?" I asked.
"She's had a sort of breakdown. I've been at the hospital all day."
"One kid dead and your other did it, I'd have a breakdown too," Ozzie stated.
"Ozzie..." I said almost immediately.
He had no sense of understanding. It was almost like he forgot Mr. Hill was their dad too. I could see Ozzie's face twist up almost immediately.
"Um...I should go home. My parents don't want me out of their sight for too long after yesterday. Um...I hope Mrs. Hill feels better."
Mr. Hill nodded and muttered a thank you to Ozzie and Ozzie just gave him a half awkward smile before walking out of the room.
Mr. Hill went over to Jonah and silently stood there for a second. I kind of felt bad for him. I could only imagine what he was going through. I had never seen him look so beat up. It was almost looking like he hadn't had any sleep for a while.
"Jonah, if you need to talk about anything I'm here," he stated, "We will get through this together. We are family."
Jonah gave him a stare. It looked like he was about to say something defiant or rude but instead he just said coldly, "I'll be fine."
"We are all a little shocked about what happened, Mr. Hill. I think we just all need time for everything to happen. I'm really sorry about your loss," I told him.
"It's all our loss," Mr. Hill stated.
He walked out of the room and was about to put his hand on Jonah's shoulder but stopped abruptly probably remembering Jonah asking not to be touched. Jonah brought over the cheese quesadillas over as soon as Mr. Hill was out of the room.
He didn't have anything in front of him. He just put the food in front of me and watched me eat.
"Thanks," I told him.
"Of course."
He just wanted me intently eating.
"You should have some," I offered pushing the plate over to him.
Jonah pushed it back, "I made it for you. I'm not hungry. I just like watching you eat. "
"Are you ok?" I asked, "You were kind of cold to your dad."
"I'm fine. I'm just worried about you," Jonah stated, "I just want to make sure whatever happened yesterday didn't damage you too much. You're my boo. I'm not trying to fail you like I did with Lauren."
I looked at Jonah's eyes. He was so upset looking.
"You didn't fail Lauren. Don't blame yourself for what happened, Jonah."
"I did. We all did, but I failed her too. I came back for her. I came back to help her but I found all my focus going on you. I fell in love. And the more I think about it me falling in love with you was me not giving Lauren the attention she deserved."
"Lauren was a very disturbed person."
"And I knew..."
"What did you know?"
"That she needed help. And I was too late. I was too lost...in you..."
"Do you regret it?" I asked.
He paused thinking about it. It kind of hurt to have him pause the way he did, "It's too late. Ok? Let's just drop it."
"I don't want to drop something like this."
He was clearly trying to change the subject when he dropped something on the table, "Here. Your little admirer is having a memorial service at the school tonight about what happened yesterday. It's your invitation."
The invitation had Adrian's name on it.
"Already?" I asked shaking my head, "Damn. Um...did you get one too?"
"Of course not. He hates me. Clearly he wouldn't want to see us together."
"You know me and Adrian aren't..."
He leaned over and kissed me on my forehead, "Of course I know nothing is going on between the two of you. And just because everything happened yesterday I did not forget that he said he was in love with you. I trust you..."
He trusted me.
Hell did I trust myself?
The memorial that night was way too soon for me. I wasn't surprised when I saw not a lot of people actually show up for it. It was a shame because there was a beautiful flower arrangement in front of the school. The school was of course closed and there were a few students scattered around in silence just burning candles. I didn't even recognize most of the kids but seeing the sadness on their faces it felt like what had happened definitely brought us all closer together.
"Candle?" a girl asked me.
"Sure..."
She handed me the candle with a warm smile and lit it as I held it. The moonlight was shining down on the school. 28 people were already dead and that was just for right now. There would have been more. That was the scary part. There would have been more people dying. I could imagine all the people in the hospital now dying from gunshot wounds.
That was when I saw Adrian. His arm was in a cast and he walked over to me when he sawme.
"Thanks for coming."
I nodded, "Sure...your flower arrangement is beautiful."
"I'd like to say that I made it but I didn't. My dad actually put it together."
That was stereotypical. His dad had turned gay and was now doing flower arrangements.
"You are talking to him again?"
"Yeah," he said, "What happened yesterday just gave me a new outlook on things. I can't be upset about things like this. Life is so short you know? Him and his boyfriend were actually the first ones in the hospital when I got this cast."
I raised my eyebrow.
"Wow..."
"Yeah...funny huh? I would have never thought I would be ok with the gay thing. I guess I'm working on it."
I wasn't sure if he was talking about his relationship with his father or his own feelings.
I just made the assumption it wasn't the latter, "So you staying home again?"
He nodded, "I mean Jackie isn't around..."
"Oh right that was careless of me," I stated shaking my head, "I'm sure if you wanted to come back...for anything...they'd have no problem."
He nodded, "I made the red flowers for Jackie. It was his favorite color. How has the family been holding up."
Besides not talking to each other and having a mental breakdown.
"Fine," I lied.
"Listen I never got a chance to thank you," he stated, "For helping me with my arm. The doctors said if it weren't for you my injury could have been a lot worse."
"I did what anyone in that position would have done bruh," I stated.
"Bruh huh? I guess I really did lose you..." he said laughing, "How's your boyfriend?"
He was being slick ass Adrian even now. I couldn't believe it.
"Good. I'm kind of wondering why he wasn't invited to this," I stated.
"Cause he fucking knew what she was going to do," Adrian stated, "You heard him before the shooting. He said he knew."
"You don't know what he knew. I'm SURE he didn't know she was going to shoot up the whole school. He just knew she had issues."
"I refuse to believe that he was what, spying on the house the whole time and he never caught wind of her plans. There had to be signs. I honestly think she told him."
He was pissing me off.
"You're being fucking crazy Adrian," I said trying not to raise my voice, "If something else was...distracting him maybe he didn't see the signs."
"Something like you huh?"
"At least I was on someone's mind for something other than sex."
I hadn't expected hat to really hit a nerve with him but I could see his snide smirk leaving his face. He looked irritated as fuck.
"Whatever. We'll see what the cops think of it."
"You told them that stupid ass story?" I asked.
He nodded, "Hell yeah I did. He could have stopped all of this."
"He was trying! You heard him in the auditorium."
"He should have went to the cops. I guess now the cops are probably on his way to him..."
"Fuck you yo!" I finally screamed at the top of lungs, "You don't know what you are playing with. This is his life. You can't just go accusing people to the cops because you are mad that I'm dating the kid now."
"Some things aren't always about you," Adrian said.
I wanted to call bullshit. I couldn't believe him doing something so stupid as telling the cops that story had nothing to do with me. I couldn't do this shit with him any longer. He was making digs at me.
"Get out of my face man."
"Really you going to act like this?"
"Yes."
"Well this is my event I don't have to do anything."
"Then I'll leave."
I walked away. As I did I saw Aaryn. She was kneeling over looking at the school with this darkness in her eyes. She had a candle in front of her. I don't know what came me. Maybe it was my anger from Adrian. Maybe it was anger at her. Maybe it was just anger at everything.
I found myself kicking over her candle.
"You don't fucking deserve to be here," I stated, "YOU were the cause of all this!"
I saw Adrian all of a sudden run over trying to hold me back.
"Quashie relax..."
I pushed him hard off me.
"Don't fucking defend her. Defending her is why this happened. She was the ring leader on picking on people. Rebecca and Jackie died yesterday because of her! She pushed Lauren to the fucking edge and when she fell over she spit down at her. Then she couldn't even face her own fucking actions. She ducked behind Rebecca like the coward she was. She should have died yesterday! Not fucking Rebecca. Lauren was aiming for her ass!"
People were whispering. Strange looks going all around. Some were at me for my outburst but some were at Aaryn. That's all I cared about. She should have gotten some of this fucking heat. My anger was on another level right now. I HATED Aaryn like I've never hated anyone else in my life.
I heard someone say, "That's fucked up."
Then someone else said, "Oh my god, is that true?"
Aaryn just sat there too shook to say anything. I didn't care about the tears that were in her eyes. She should have thought about that before she stuffed Lauren's locker with nappy hair relaxers. She couldn't hide behind her white skin, blue eyes and blonde hair now.
Adrian shook his head, "This isn't the time, Quashie. We are mourning right now. It's not the time to be pointing fingers."
"Man fuck all that. Aren't you the one pointing the fingers at my dude?"
He didn't answer but I didn't him the chance to. I turning away.
I knew I had to get him to let Jonah know the shady shit that Adrian had just pulled but as I got up to the house I realized that it was way too late. Three cop cars and a bunch of reports littered the front of the mansion.
I could see him in the back of the cop car already as it was pulling away. The reporters ran up to me all of a sudden trying to get some sort of statement about something but I didn't even see them.
"JONAH!"
My voice carried so far and I could see him look back in the backseat of the cop car. He was staring right into my eyes.
This wasn't happening. Things could not be getting this bad...