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Written by: Nicky Smith Edited by: JD Kaster
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: A TOUGH DECISION
TREY'S POV
I needed to leave and think so when I got back to campus I headed for my truck and split. I drove for a long time on autopilot until I realized this might be a bad idea. I started to pay attention to where I was going and saw that I was heading in a direction I'd not gone in a while.
I drove a bit more before I reached my destination. I pulled into the parking lot and found somewhere to park before I killed the engine. I sat and tried to shut off my mind for a few minutes but was unsuccessful. I got out of my truck and realized that it was night time.
I started walking around for a bit before I pulled out my phone and turned it back on. I'd turned it off after the 3rd call and 10th text from Bear. I saw 15 more texts from him and 4 more missed calls. I also saw calls and texts from Calvin, Miriam, and even Drake, and a text from April.
I wanted to know what she had to say to me so I opened her conversation and saw a long text from her that basically said that she understood that I was angry but that Bear should begin being a father to his child and that if I loved him, I should encourage him to do so. I rolled my eyes and closed the conversation.
The ones from the others basically said that they were worried about me. I wrote them each back and told them that I was fine and that I just needed to get away and clear my head. I then told Calvin to keep his mouth shut about this to the rents. Finally, I looked through my contacts, found the one I was looking for and dialed.
"Hey boo-boo," Liberty said as she answered the phone. I guess nobody outside of my school had heard.
"Where are you?" I asked bluntly.
"I'm at The Cove," she said sounding suspicious.
"Stay there," I said and ended the call before she could say anything else and headed in that direction. On the way, I looked around at all the familiar surroundings of my former college. I missed it a bit, especially since so much had happened since I'd left. I saw Maria in the distance going into a building with some guy. I wasn't in the mood for idle chit-chat though so I kept moving toward my destination.
When I arrived at The Cove, I walked in and looked around. I saw Liberty sitting with her back to me at a table with Christian, Light, and two other people, a guy and a girl. I didn't think that they could be with anybody else. I wasn't about to air my business out to these strangers and was about to jet when Christian saw me before I got the chance and told Liberty and Light that I was there.
They turned around and looked shocked to see me. Liberty frowned after a few seconds of looking at me and stood up quickly. She said something to everyone else at the table before heading in my direction. I didn't wait and headed out the door. I looked back and she was following. Once I was a bit away from The Cove I stopped and waited for Liberty to catch up.
"What's wrong?" She asked when she reached me.
"Bear has a kid," I blurted. I realized immediately how stupid it sounded but I didn't take it back.
"Yeah," she said like she was waiting for the rest of what she assumed was something.
"Bear has a kid with Alicia Lake," I said again sounding dumb.
"Trey, have you lost your mind or something?" Liberty asked and that was a good question.
"No?" I said, but I questioned if maybe I had. I'd been under so much stress from trying to balance so much work that maybe my brain had broken.
"Trey, you knew Bear had a kid with Alicia. What are you doing here looking so spooked and scaring me like this?" She said sounding annoyed and I didn't think about that.
"I'm sorry. I'll leave," I said and turned to do just that. She rushed up and stood in my path.
"You idiot, I didn't mean it like that. You gotta give me something more to go on here cause," she said but I interrupted her before she could continue.
"I saw her! In person!" I said much too loudly and her eyes went wide.
"What now?" She asked. She then held up her hand and walk to a bench nearby and sat down. I joined her a few seconds later. I took a few moments to try and collect my thoughts before continuing. I was unsuccessful but I continued anyway.
"Of course, I already knew that he had a kid. It's just that before, she was some intangible specter that I could put in the back of my mind. Now, I've seen her, face to face, in person. I can't deny now that she exists," I said as I fought the storm of emotions going on inside me.
"Trey, sweetie, surely you knew that this had to happen at some point," she said and that pissed me off.
"There's a difference between knowing something has to happen in the future and having it happen now. I wasn't ready. We were having such a good day too. He took me to a carnival and I was having a great time spending the day with him. Then his damned mother had to show up and ruin everything," I said and I noticed how I'd spoken of Bear's mother. April doing this felt like something of an attack against me. That wasn't really true but in my mind at the moment, it felt like it.
"Trey, tell me the truth. Did you consider everything that would be involved with being with Bear now when you took him back?" Liberty said and it was a good question. Leave it to me to be offended though.
"Are you asking me this because you're still pissed at him?" I asked and immediately regretted it? She didn't take the bait though, thankfully.
"This isn't about my feelings towards Bear. This is about how you can move forward with Bear. If you didn't consider the inevitability of Bear's kid being in his life then you were lying to yourself," she said and of course, she was right. I was nice and happy in my little house built out of denial. Then April had to come along with a wrecking ball and knock that fucker down.
"I love Bear. I've always loved him. I can't imagine my life without him," I said more to myself than Liberty.
"But," she said as I guess she realized that there was more.
"But I don't think I can handle it. I don't think I can handle seeing that child all the time, knowing who her mother is and knowing how and when she was conceived," I said and I felt a tear leak from my eye and fall down my cheek.
"Well, what does he have to say about this?" She asked as she leaned forward and wiped the tear from my face.
"I don't know. I left him with his mother and... daughter, at the carnival and took off," I said before I absent-mindedly checked my phone and saw that I had no new texts or calls from Bear after I'd told Calvin I was fine. I guess he was keeping Bear preoccupied and off my back. I had to respect such a herculean accomplishment.
"Trey, I don't know what to tell you here that won't be influenced by my own feelings about Bear," Liberty said and I respected her honesty.
"I get it," I said before I let out a deep sigh.
"Okay, here goes," she said, I guess changing her mind. "I get that people think that I have no right to judge Bear given what I did but I don't feel that way. You entrusted Bear with your heart in a way that I wasn't and he broke it. You don't even realize how much. You think it's repaired but the fact that you're here now, feeling the way that you do proves that it's not."
"I'm angry with him, even with how it happened. You are the most important person in my life aside from my sister, my parents, and Christian, and I trusted him above most everyone to take care of you, to protect you and he was careless and ended up hurting you."
"Now, with all that said, he wasn't completely in the driver's seat when that kid was conceived. You can hate Alicia but you absolutely cannot hate that child. No matter how much I want to, I can't tell you to hate that child because that would make me a basic bitch just like her mother."
"You have to make a choice of whether you want that little girl to grow up without her father because I can almost guarantee that no matter what Bear's mother wants, or his father for that matter, that he will do whatever you want him to do. I can tell that he cares more about being with you than he does about his own life."
"I know you thought you had more time but I'm sorry to say that you don't. Now is the time for you to decide what you want for the future of your relationship with Bear, and you need to decide if you can live with whatever choice you make."
Liberty finished and looked at me expectantly. I couldn't speak though as I thought over all of what she'd said. I never realized, or rather I didn't pay attention to the fact that she was still angry with Bear. I understood even though like she said she really shouldn't be. It's not like I considered what Bear did cheating. He was drunk out of his mind.
I also didn't hate Alicia's child. I hated her but I knew her child was innocent. That didn't change my feelings on the situation though. I felt territorial and I'd seen the look in Bear's eyes when she called him "daddy". I saw his reaction when she toddled up to him and hugged his leg.
"He melted," I said out of the blue.
"Huh?" Liberty said looking confused.
"She walked up to him in her pretty pink and white floral jumper and wrapped her arms around his leg. It was like she was drawn to him and he melted when she hugged his leg. It felt like the Earth shook beneath me when I saw it," I said as my heart pounded in my chest again just remembering it.
"Trey, you heard what I said," she said but I knew what else would come of it if I chose not to have Prue and her mother in our lives.
"No, I know what I feel, what I saw. If I say I don't want her in our lives, he'll eventually start to resent me for keeping him from her. That's why I didn't want him to see her. I told Miriam that he'd fall in love with her," I said and tried not to slap myself at how selfish I was being.
"Then I guess you know what your choices are then," Liberty said sounding sad for me.
"Either I accept Prue or walk away from Bear," I said and she nodded sadly. She reached over and took hold of my hand and squeezed it.
"Aw pudding," I heard which startled me. I looked my right just in time to see Sean reach me, grab my free hand and yank me up into a fierce hug.
"You're crushing me," I managed to get out.
"Hush and let my love envelop you," he said and I rolled my eyes.
"Ew, freak," Liberty said which surprisingly drew a laugh out of me.
"Sean, what're you doing here?" I asked as I tried to breathe in his crushing hug.
"Bear called me and told me what happened. Then I went to find my sis-in-law and tell her and Christian told me that you were here so I came looking for you two," he said all the while refusing to let up on the bear hug I was trapped in.
"Don't call me that, ever again," Liberty said as she looked away from him with a frown.
"Don't call you what?" Sean asked. he wasn't slick though as I could tell he wanted her to say it.
"Nice try, Richie Rich. I ain't saying that shit," she said all the while not looking in our direction. I was hoping she would so she could save me before I lost consciousness.
"Curses," Sean said before he finally released me from his death grip.
"What did Bear say?" I asked after I'd regained the ability to move air in and out of my lungs normally.
"He said that he had called and texted you probably too much and you weren't answering him but you did respond to your brother, Miriam, and even Drake," Sean said and Liberty raised her eyebrow at the Drake part.
"What else?" Liberty asked while I thought of how Bear was doing.
"He said that he had never hated his mother more than now. He also said and I quote "that he told his mother to kiss his ass"," he said and Liberty laughed. Sean sounded amused as well. I wasn't though. No matter how much in the wrong his mother had been to do what she'd done, in the way she'd done it, he shouldn't have talked to her like that.
"What about Prue?" I asked because I just couldn't stop myself from caring about that child that threatened my relationship with the man I loved if I let it happen.
"He said she was rambling on about his responsibilities and he told her to tell that to Alicia and that you were his only responsibility," he said and I closed my eyes. Liberty was right. He would choose me if I gave him even the slightest indication that that's what I wanted.
That should have made me happy. I loved Bear more than I even realized and to hear that he'd choose me over all else should have made me happy. I should have been ecstatic, but I wasn't. I wasn't because I couldn't ignore reality anymore. I'd seen the living, breathing child of the man that I loved face to face.
What kind of detestable man would force the man he claimed to love to choose him over his own child, no matter how she came to be? Was I willing to be that man? Was I willing to be selfish and keep Bear to myself and deprive that child of the amazing father that I knew Bear would be?
"Trey, are you okay?" Liberty asked after I'd most likely been silent for too long.
"I gotta go," I said before I knew it.
"Nope, no go," Sean said as he grabbed my hand and again pulled me into a hug. This one though was gentle and this time I did indeed feel his love for me.
"I gotta go," I said again but I didn't move to actually leave.
"No, you don't. It's far too late for you to be driving back to school tonight. You're gonna bunk with me and Carter tonight and then tomorrow you can go take care of business," he said and he was right. I was suddenly tired and I didn't need to be driving down the road at night.
"Okay," I said and nodded.
I thanked Liberty for listening to my rambling but she just waved me off. I said goodnight to her and then Sean led me back to his dorm. I hadn't been to any of their new dorms before so I'd at least get to see where he and Carter lived. He introduced me to a few of his teammates that I didn't know and we headed to his room. We were there for a while before Carter arrived with food. He got a hug in too and told me that he was there for me whenever I needed. Then he handed me one of the bags of food, my favorite order from The Cove.
We ate while he and Sean talked about what I guess they always talked about, stuff with their team and schoolwork. I guess they were trying to be polite and let me work through what I would do tomorrow. I wished I felt good about what I had to do.
I pulled out my phone and texted Calvin to check on him and Bear. He told me that he was fine but Bear was a wreck. I felt guilty about that but I needed to get away and think about things. I told him I'd see him tomorrow and apologized for ruining his spring break. He told me I didn't need to apologize because he'd just ruin mine when the time came as our spring break wasn't for another couple of weeks.
Once I was done texting Calvin, I went to take care of business in the bathroom and returned to Sean and Carter arguing about whose bed I'd sleep in, only they each wanted me to sleep in theirs. It was sweet and creepy at the same time. I told them I was sleeping on the couch because I wasn't about to be sleeping on somebody else's cum-stained sheets. I laughed when they both blushed, well I assume Carter blushed as he was the same shade as Liberty and Justice and it was hard to tell when they were blushing.
They got me a blanket and a pillow and we all turned in for the night. Well, they turned in while I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling. I thought about what I really wanted to do and if I had the stomach to do so and live with it.
I found myself strolling down memory lane. I remembered my first day of school. Bear was so giddy meanwhile I was shaking so bad I'm surprised I didn't sound like a shambling skeleton. Bear turned around with a big smile on his face and his mood immediately fell when he saw what I had to assume was the terror in my eyes.
He pulled me to a private corner and hugged me. Even then he had the ability to calm me and calm me he did. At 5 years old he was aware enough to see my terror and know what to do to ease it. I felt better after a few minutes and he released me from the hug. He then punched my arm and we both laughed.
I remembered the day when I fell out of the tree when I was 10. Bear, Liberty, and I had started the day playing tag. Then we went exploring before we came upon the tree. We'd seen it lots of times before this day and played around it like we did that day.
Bear and Liberty ended up getting into a game of dare. It eventually led to them climbing up the tree. They then goaded me into following them, well Liberty did as Bear stopped when he saw how scared I was. There was something about that though that pissed me off that day. I was determined that Bear didn't see me as weak even though I knew deep down that he didn't.
I started climbing and he smiled that smile that even then tugged at something in me. I was doing good until I reached for a branch that was too far. I celebrated when I finally did reach it, then it broke and I lost my balance. Down I went to the ground. I didn't even have time to register terror. What I did register was intense pain when I hit the ground and I felt my arm break.
I heard the scream that surely couldn't have come from me but it really had. Bear made it to me faster than it should have been humanly possible to move. He was panicking and so was Liberty when she finally got on the ground. He yelled at her to go and get my mother with bass in his voice unlike I'd ever heard him have before.
She took off running while he cradled me in his arms gentler than I'd expect with how hysterical he was. He held me while he cried and apologized to me for making me climb the tree. He pleaded with me to forgive him and all of what was going and what I was feeling coming from him somehow eased my pain.
I remembered when I was 12 and I had my first sex dream which starred my best friend, who was a male, and I was a male. I remember waking up from that dream covered in sweat. I was also hard. Now, this wasn't a new occurrence but it was the first time I'd ever remembered what I dreamt about. Before then I had just assumed it was about a girl because I never even suspected that I might be gay.
I'd never gotten hard at anybody before while not asleep, boy or girl. Maybe I'd been dreaming about Bear for longer than I knew but I could never remember them before that night. That night, the dream was vivid and horrifying for the implications.
During the day afterward, I tried to convince myself that I wasn't gay, I just couldn't be gay, but that didn't work as at night, my dreams told a different story. Bear noticed when I started to withdraw from him and he tried to pull me back to him. The more he tried the more I tried to retreat from him as I was petrified of him and my newly discovered feelings for him.
The basic structure of our relationship changed at that time. Bear didn't know it then but it had. No matter what I tried then I couldn't change the way I saw Bear and that affected the way I interacted with him. Now, I was facing another change in the structure of my relationship with Bear, and if it's what I wanted.
I decided to stop my stroll down memory lane there as I already had too much on my mind. I pulled out my phone and started to call Bear, just to hear his voice but thought better of it. I needed to get some sleep so I could think with a somewhat clear head when I really did talk to Bear. I turned over and again fought the urge to call Bear and closed my eyes. Eventually, I did manage to fall asleep. The last image I saw in my head as I drifted off was Bear and his beautiful smile that was reserved only for me. I'd miss it the most...
"Rise and shine buttercup," I heard much too loudly.
"Do you do this to Justice?" I asked the owner of the voice without opening my eyes.
"Of course not. I don't wanna be castrated," he said and it almost made me laugh because it seemed true.
"What time is it?" I asked when I finally opened my eyes and saw that it was daylight.
"8:15 in the am," Sean said before sitting a steaming cup of coffee down on the table and going back over to the kitchenette. I sat up and looked around Sean and Carter's room in the light of day. I was surprised how similar to the "rooms" in Bear's dorm that it was. They were more like small apartments.
"I gotta get back to school," I said before grasping the handle of the cup and taking a swallow of the black liquid. I hated plain black coffee unless it had sugar which thankfully this had.
"You can take a day off," Sean said as he headed back over to me and took a seat on the couch next to me. He had his own cup of coffee along with an apple, an orange, and a banana in his hands.
"I took the day off yesterday. I've at least got to get back to make sure I don't miss any classes," I said before downing more of the now slightly cooled coffee.
"Dude, you have stuff going on in your life. Can't you take a break from school?" He said and I understood where he was coming from. The answer was no, though.
"Unfortunately, time and ambitious academic endeavors wait for no one," I said before finishing up the coffee. I took the cup as I stood and headed for the sink. I rinsed it off so it would be easier to clean. Sean watched me all the while.
"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" He asked with concern etched deep into his face.
"I have to be. It's not the end of the world after all," I said trying to put on a brave face.
"So then, you're gonna," he said but I held up my hand to stop him from saying it out loud.
"He's a father and that child needs him," I said and the look he gave me didn't help me any.
Carter came out of his room in only a pair of boxers and damn, that boy was good looking. He looked and saw me and after looking at me for a few moments it seemed like he knew what I was about to do. He crossed the room and hugged me tightly. He told me he'd be there for me whenever I wanted.
I thanked him and Sean and told them I'd call them later before I left their room. I texted Liberty and asked her where she was. She told me she was heading for a class but that she'd miss it if I needed her. I told her to go on ahead and I'd get in touch with her later. I thanked her again for her help last night and she told me there was no need to thank her.
I headed for my truck and hopped in when I reached it. I pulled out of the parking lot and after a bit, I was on the highway headed back to school. On the drive, I thought about what it would be like, to be without Bear. I knew that feeling somewhat from years of wanting him but being convinced I could never have him.
Then there was that brief time that we were on a break after he told me about Alicia and Prue. I didn't really know what it was like though, to be without Bear after experiencing being in a relationship with him. I knew there was really nobody else for me.
Some would say that that was me being naive and that I'd eventually find somebody else. That may even be true but I knew in my heart that nobody would be to me what Bear was and maybe that was fine. I could probably get used to being alone.
After all, I had essentially been alone for a long time after I'd found out I was gay. I put up a barrier between myself and the world so they wouldn't know the real me and during that time, I was essentially alone. So, perhaps I could learn to live that way again.
I'd made up my mind that that's exactly what I'd do by the time I pulled into my parking spot back at school. I got out of my truck and stalled for a few seconds. Then I steeled myself and headed first for my room so I could take a shower and brush my teeth.
Drake was gone by the time I got to my room. I wasted no time grabbing some clothes and heading for the bathroom. I took a long steamy shower to help ease the tension I was feeling. Then I got out and dried off and brushed my teeth. I finally put on my clothes and looked myself over in the mirror. I was the picture of heel perfection.
I left my room and stopped. I wasn't even sure if Bear was in his room. I texted Calvin to check and he said that Bear was pacing back and forth in the common room. I told him not to let on that he was texting me. He asked what I was gonna do. I told him I'd see him in a few.
With the knowledge that Bear was waiting for me, I headed in the direction of his dorm. Every step became heavier as I walked. By the time I reached his dorm, it felt like my legs were solid cement. I forced myself to keep walking and I finally made it to his floor.
As I walked down the hall of his floor, memories of the past started to come back to me. It was so overwhelming that by the time I reached his door I could barely catch my breath. I mentally slapped myself and told myself to stop being such a drama queen. I took a minute to calm my breathing before I readied myself to face my decision
BEAR'S POV
I looked for Trey after I left my mother and Alicia's kid at the carnival. While I was doing this, I was calling and texting up a storm trying to get in touch with him. I went back to his dorm room and had to face that jackass, Drake. Before I knew it though, I was telling him and Serena everything that had happened with my mother. I appreciated that they didn't judge me for walking away from my daughter to find Trey. Drake told me he'd call me first thing if Trey showed up.
I then left and wandered around thinking about everything and nothing. I made it back to my room and Calvin told me that he'd heard from Trey and that he needed to clear his head. I was pissed and relieved at the same time. I wanted to call him again but Calvin convinced me not to.
I talked to Sean and ranted a raved about the unfortunate events of the day. I said things I regret like that I hated my mother. Even though I was extremely angry with her, I knew I didn't hate her. I didn't regret what I'd told her though.
Then I spent a sleepless night staring up at my ceiling lamenting my decision to go out with Alicia that night. That night, the one I considered the worse one in my life actually ended up being that but for a different reason.
When I realized what I was thinking, what changing the events of that night would mean, it strangely didn't deter me. Even if that little girl was precious and I wanted to see her again, the fact remains that her existence was causing a lot of problems.
When I got up from my sleepless night, I went to take a shower to wake myself up. While I was in the shower, I had a strange feeling that made me sick to the stomach. I shook it off and finished up in the bathroom before I threw on some clothes and got ready to head over to Trey's room to see if he had made it back but Calvin stopped me. I preoccupied myself with pacing after that until there was a knock on my door.
It had to be Trey, I just knew it. I told myself as I rushed to the door. I opened it to see him standing there looking as neutral as I'd ever seen him. That had to be a bad sign.
"Hey babe," I said trying to establish that I still considered us together.
"Hey Bear," he said back with no emotion in his voice. Just looking at him was making me feel like someone was heaping weights on my shoulders.
"Come in," I said as I opened the door for him. He walked in and stood in the middle of the room and looked around like he was trying to capture a memory.
"Hey bro," Calvin said as he stood. Trey didn't respond other than to give him a head nod.
"Cal, can you give me and Bear some time alone," Trey said and again I didn't like the detached tone in his voice.
"Uh, sure," he said before heading for the door. Trey told him he could wait in his room which Calvin frowned at. I did too. It was like he was saying that Calvin wouldn't be back because, well...
"We need to talk," he said after Calvin had left.
"Trey, I told you before that I'm committed to you. I made a promise to you and I intend to keep it," I said but he just closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"Bear, you're a father now," he said and I wasn't about to listen to this.
"No, dammit! That's Alicia's fucking kid! I ain't got shit!" I said in my most booming voice. His eyes turned sharp as glass.
"Barry Davidson, I don't want to ever hear you say any shit like that to me again!" He almost shouted back.
"Why does it matter? You're breaking up with me anyway so why do you care what the fuck I say?" I shouted much too loudly.
"Bear, I," he tried to say but I could see the detached facade was crumbling.
"No Trey. I know I fucked up but I promised you, I promised your parents, hell, I promised just about the whole fucking world that I'd do everything I could to prove that I was devoted to you. I don't see why I have to be punished for a mistake that I didn't even really make of my own free will," I said and that was all I could muster. I felt the tears fall from my eyes and saw Trey almost break.
"Bear," he said with emotion thick in his voice before he cleared his throat. "Bear, I will not be the thing that prevents that little girl from being with her father. You have to be there for her," he said and while he was right all I heard was him telling me he was leaving me.
"And what about us?" I managed to croak out around the lump in my throat.
"I can't do it. I don't hate her but I don't think I'll be able to look at that child and not see her mother. I won't be able to separate who she is from how she came to be," he said and I guess that was that.
"So, you'll leave me for something that I didn't have a say in?" I said as I lost the will to even stand. I dropped down on the couch and stared at the wall.
"It's what people like me do," he said sounding on the verge of crying.
"What are you talking about?" I asked as I looked at him to see so much pain on his face that it hurt me.
"Not good people," he said before his own tears fell. I was next to him before I knew it and pulling him into a hug.
"What are you talking about?" I asked again as I held him tight.
"I'm breaking your heart. Don't you see, I deserve all the things that have happened to me because what kind of person keeps an innocent girl from her father? What kind of person blames the person they're supposed to love for something that was beyond their control?" He said and I wanted to get inside his head to fight the demons that were in there twisting him all up.
"Trey, we can get through this. You don't have to leave me," I said even though I knew he most likely still would.
"I gotta go," he said abruptly before pulling away from me. He rushed to the door and before leaving looked back at me. I saw the storm of conflict in his eyes. Another tear leaked out of his eyes before he turned and opened the door and left.
I looked at the door for a long time after he left. I didn't wanna accept it but I guess we had broken up. He had left me. My worst fear had occurred and I started to feel numb as I dropped back down on the couch.
I pulled out my phone and looked at my pics and found the two that my mother had sent me. An irrational burst of rage flared and I almost deleted the pics but then I looked at them again and even in my pain-stricken stupor I could see that Trey was right. He'd done what I wouldn't have done even if it would end our relationship, which it seemed to have done.
TREY'S POV
After leaving Bear's dorm I headed back to my own room to find Calvin waiting there. He looked expectantly at me for a few moments before he frowned and looked away from me. I walked over to my desk and got my laptop and looked through my work. I needed something to take my mind off what I'd done and overworking myself seemed to be the perfect thing to do.
"How could you do that Trey?" Calvin said after a few minutes of pacing that I tried to ignore.
"I don't wanna talk about it," I said as calmly as possible.
"Well, too bad cause I wanna talk about it," he said as I tried to keep my cool with my little brother.
"Drop it, Calvin," I said, again, as calmly as possible.
"No man, do you know how much that dude loves you? He took your brother off your hands so you could work without interruption. He took you to the carnival because he knew you were overworked and needed a break. Those are just two of the things he's done since I've been here. There's no telling what he does all the rest of the time. And how do you repay him? You go over there and demolish him," Calvin said and that broke me.
"Who the hell do you think you are?" I shouted as I stood and advanced on him. The look in his face said that he realized he'd probably gone too far.
"I'm just trying," he said but I stopped him.
"You're just sticking your fucking nose into something that's none of your damned business," I shouted and while I regretted yelling at him, I didn't apologize.
"Trey," he said through an exasperated sigh.
"Do you have any idea how hard this is for me? Bear has been my world, the most important person in my life for almost all of my life and I just had to leave him. I had to break his heart," I said slightly less aggressively.
"You didn't have to do shit," he said riling back up.
"Well then, tell me oh wise younger brother, what do you expect me to do?" I asked kicking the aggression back up. He didn't back down though. He walked up to me and looked down at me.
"I expect you to man up, grow some balls, put on your fucking big boy pants and deal with the fact that the guy that you love is a father and that you're gonna have to make room in your life for his kid. Now go back over there and take him back and stop being a fucking pansy," he said and before I knew it my fist was slamming into his gut. I yanked my arm back quickly and he fell to his knees while doubling over.
"Calvin, I'm sorry," I said with wide eyes as I watched him groaning in pain.
"Did that make you feel better," he groaned and I was surprised that it had.
"Actually, it did," I said and chuckled a bit.
"Jackass," he croaked out while trying to regain his composure. I helped him up and to my bed where he dropped down.
"I'm really sorry," I said as I looked at him lying on his back on my bed holding his gut and face scrunched up in pain.
"Since when can you throw a punch like that?" He groaned out.
"It's new to me," I said and I'm embarrassed to say that I felt a strange sense of pride. We were interrupted when the door opened and Drake entered the room.
"What's going on in here?" Drake asked after taking a quick assessment of the room.
"Nothing," Calvin said as he struggled to sit up.
"I laid him out," I gloated and while I knew it was wrong to feel good about gut-punching your brother, it was a welcome respite from other not good feelings.
"No, he didn't, Calvin said before trying to stand quickly but doubling over once he was upright. I started to worry if I'd really hurt him then.
"You don't say," Drake said with his patented smirk.
"He didn't do jack squat, jackass," Calvin said before straightening up again.
"I gotta go," I said before I even realized that I'd said it.
"Go where?" Calvin asked. Drake just looked back and forth between us.
"I need to think and I can't do it here," I said before turning and heading for the door.
"Well, excuse me," Drake said likely thinking I meant I couldn't do the thinking I needed to do with him around. I didn't correct him as it wasn't important to do so.
I left my room without another word and after a bit of mindless wandering, I found myself near a little sitting area near Bear's dorm. I laughed sardonically at the fact that even without thinking I gravitated towards Bear. I took a seat and tried to organize my thoughts because they were all jumbled up with a lot of other stuff that I just couldn't forget.
I knew that I couldn't keep Bear away from his daughter anymore. Even if it was just a little bit right now, they needed to be in each other's lives. That much was obvious and I could get that. It was the part where I regularly interacted with this child that belonged to Bear and the way she was conceived and when that I was stuck on.
Calvin said that I should "man up", among other things, and accept Prue as part of my life. I don't think I would have a problem accepting a child of Bear's if it was conceived before we had gotten together. So, the problem for me was when she was conceived and her mother.
I had to consider if I could ignore who her mother was. That was a tall order because I knew Alicia, and I knew some things about her that most everybody else didn't know. I wanted to be a good person about this but the wrong part of me was winning out in this situation. The more I thought about this the more I regretted talking to Bear when I hadn't really figured out what I wanted. I pulled out my phone and called somebody that I didn't think I'd want to speak to for a long time.
"Trey," April answered sounding surprised.
"Hello, April," I said and even though I'd tried to sound cordial, it didn't come out that way.
"Listen, I want you to know," she started but I didn't want to hear it.
"I didn't call you for that," I said, interrupting her. "I wanted to ask you if you had any pictures of Prue?" I continued and she didn't answer right away. She was probably trying to find out what I was up to.
"Why?" She asked but I had no intention of answering. Let her wonder.
"Do you have any?" I asked staying on topic. I wasn't in the mood for any of her well-intentioned platitudes.
"Um, yes," she said sounding a bit dejected. I didn't really care at the moment.
"Send me one, please," I said making sure to at least try for cordial again. After all, this woman was still friends with my mother and I was not about to incur the wrath of Olivia Healey if she heard of me being rude to an elder.
"Which one?" She asked and I noted she seemed to respond to my cordial tone.
"Your choice," I said and that's when self-doubts started to arise in me. Thoughts like I was looking for a reason to take Bear back because I was afraid to be without him. After all, who else would want me aside from Bear so I was desperate to stay with him. I hated my mind sometimes.
"Did you hear me?" April asked and of course, I hadn't. I was too busy listening to my twisted mind talk shit about me.
"Huh?" I said as I tried to shake off those twisted thoughts.
"I asked if you'd gotten the pictures? I sent a few," she said and while I'd wanted only one, having more wouldn't hurt.
"I'll look now," I said before looking at my phone. I saw a text from April in my notifications but I didn't open it. "Yeah, I got it," I told her. I thanked her for the pics and ended the call before she tried to apologize again.
I took in a deep breath to calm myself. I needed to clear my head and I did my best to do so. When I was satisfied that I was as calm as I could be, I opened my messages app and opened April's texts. The pics loaded right away and I was startled by them. I had just seen this little girl in person just yesterday but the pictures were somehow different.
I looked at the first one which was taken of April holding her and they were both looking at the camera. I studied it for a few moments before moving on to the next one. It was April and Lawrence sitting on the couch next to each other with Prue sitting on her grandfather's leg. She was smiling and the smile on his face was unlike any I'd ever seen from him.
This picture, in particular, gave me pause because it was another fear of mine. This is what Bear's parents, especially his father, wanted; their normal son with a kid. I know that a lot of parents with gay kids wanted grandkids and that that was part of their resistance to their child being gay. This was different though as the big smile that reminded me so much of Bear, the smile that even reached his eyes was something that was rare for me to see from his father. It was a smile inspired by this child and that meant something.
I shook that off and moved on to the next pic. This one was Steph with Prue. They were sitting on the floor and Steph was playing with her and her toys. I saw that smile that was so familiar on Prue's face as she played with her auntie Steph. I knew where Steph stood in regards to me though so I wasn't worried about this one.
The last pic was one of Prue by herself. She was sitting by herself playing with her toys. She wasn't looking at the camera and it was more of what you would call a candid shot. She looked so precious and knowing that she was Bear's child, that she was part of him stirred something in me that it hadn't before.
If I could forget who her mother was, forget how she came to be, I could say that she was a precious child that deserved her father. I could also say that I shouldn't punish Bear for a mistake that he didn't even really make of his own free will. Looking at these pictures made me feel like an ass for talking to Bear before I'd had sufficient time to think about this.
I stood and looked toward Bear's dorm. I wondered if he was still there although it was almost assured that he would be. I headed for the dorm but stopped and kicked myself. Here I was again making a snap decision. I needed to give myself some time before making this decision. I needed to make sure I was making the right choice. I decided to think on it a few days before I jumped into a decision that could backfire.
I returned to my room to find Calvin glaring at Drake while he tried to ignore him and do something on his laptop. I shook my head and headed for my desk. Calvin looked at me and silently asked where I'd been. I just shook my head and he rolled his eyes. I sat at my desk and looked over my coursework. I also looked at my schedule and saw that I had two classes later in the day. I got to work and before I knew it, it was time to go to class. I told Calvin and Drake to behave themselves and that if either of them killed the other to clean up the mess.
While in my second class I got a text from Deacon asking what was wrong with Bear. I asked him what he was talking about and he responded that Bear had locked himself in his room and wouldn't talk to anybody. I again started thinking about Bear and felt guilty for what I'd done. Hopefully, I'd still be sure of my new decision when I talked to Bear again so we could end this whole thing and get back to being together.
I told Deacon that there was something going on but that I couldn't talk about it now. I told him to try and look after Bear until I could see him again. He told me he'd try. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and tried to concentrate on my professor but I was firmly back to thinking about Bear. I thought more about what I'd decided to do and strangely I was still sure of my decision. Time, even though only a small bit had passed, hadn't changed my mind.
By the time I'd made it back to my room, it was after 10 pm and my mind was still made up. I walked into my room to see Calvin laid back on my bed in a pair of sweat pants and nothing else and texting somebody on his phone. Drake was sitting on his bed doing something on his laptop. I guessed it was some schoolwork as he had some textbooks and some papers were strewn across his bed as well. I looked both of them over and was surprised to see them being in the same space without any bloodshed.
I headed to the bathroom to take care of business and get dressed for bed because I was tired. I dreaded having to share my small bed with Calvin but it was the punishment I would have to suffer through for hurting Bear. I walked back into the room and Calvin looked up like he had just realized I was back. I told him to move over and that ensued in an argument on who'd have to sleep against the wall. Drake laughed until I told him that he'd better stop before I made him share his bed with Calvin. He piped up when Calvin leered at him. In the end, Calvin slept again the wall like he knew he would.
Morning came and regretted making Calvin sleep on the back side of the bed. He knocked me out of my bed 3 times and after that, I dropped down with an elbow into his gut. That got him to stop sleeping so aggressively. I got up and went to take care of my bathroom business including taking a shower. I returned to the room to Calvin sprawled across my bed. I took the moment to observe him. He was so unlike Zane and I. He was a big muscular guy at such a young age. Again I had to kill a pang of jealousy at the fact that my baby brother, who was still just a teenager, was much taller and better built than I was.
As I got dressed I took some time to think of the big muscular guy who I happened to be in love with. I questioned if my decision regarding Bear and Prue was still what I wanted to do. I found that I hadn't yet wavered in even the slightest bit. That confirmed for me that I didn't need to wait any longer to talk to Bear. I texted his mother to ask her a question that I hoped I wouldn't regret. She responded with the answer I needed by the time I had finished getting dressed.
Drake woke up as I was getting ready to leave to talk to Bear. He asked if everything was okay with me and Bear. I told him that I didn't know and that I'd let him know later. I told him to tell my brother I was gone he was still around when Calvin decided to wake up. He said he would and I left to go and see Bear. As I walked over to his dorm, I wondered if he'd even want to see me after what had happened yesterday.
I arrived at his dorm and saw Flynn. He passed me with a questioning look on his face. I just smiled and said good morning to him. That seemed to make him even more curious so he must have known that Bear was apparently closed up in his room. I headed up to his floor and walked down to his door. I stopped and took a deep breath to again steel myself and knocked on the door. Deacon opened the door and I asked if Bear was still there. He said that he was still in his room and had only come out to go to the bathroom. He again asked what was wrong but I told him I'd tell him later before I left him and headed for Bear's room. I knocked on the door but got no answer. I tried the knob which turned and I walked into the dark room.
"I told you I don't wanna talk," he said with his back to me. I recalled a memory from the past and even though some things were different, I thought it would be nice to relive that memory, at least to a certain extent.
I walked quietly over to his bed and stood there looking down at the muscled and tanned shirtless back of the man that I loved, that I hoped I would always love. I got on my knee on the bed and I guess he thought that I was still Deacon who was sitting on the bed because he told me to leave him alone. I laid down as close to him as I could and wrapped my arm around him. He jumped at this and turned to see that it was me.
"Trey," he said with wide eyes. I could see that his eyes were red and swollen and a pang of regret hit me.
"I'm sorry," I said as I lifted my hand to lay it against his cheek. He closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, and let it out. He raised his hand to lay it on mine and I did the same thing he'd done only without closing my eyes. I wanted to look at his face.
"You came back," he said with a voice thick with emotion.
"I'm so sorry that I left you like that," I said and this time I did close my eyes because I felt ashamed of what I'd done.
"You don't have anything to apologize for. I cheated on you and now I have a permanent reminder of it calling me daddy," Bear said and hearing him say that made me feel like an even bigger ass.
"Bear, you didn't cheat on me, not really. You were right in that I shouldn't blame you for what happened between you and Alicia," I said and he looked at me in disbelief.
"But, I was," he said before I silenced him with a finger pressed to his lips.
"Let's just forget about all of this. I'm back and I'm not going anywhere," I said and I saw the life come back to his eyes. It was a stunning thing to see.
"What about... Prue?" He asked but I didn't answer. I just leaned forward and kissed him. He responded back in kind and before I knew it, we were in full make-out mode. I was thankful that he'd found time in his sad state to brush his teeth because morning breath wasn't nice, although I'd suffer for Bear.
Things heated up quickly but I couldn't let things go too far because everything wasn't completely settled between us yet. I pulled away and he looked disappointed. I smiled and placed a last quick peck on his lips before I pushed for him to let me up. He was reluctant to do so but he did.
"Come with me," I said after I was standing.
"Where?" He asked as he stood as well, looking curious. He was in only his underwear and I fought the urge to get back into bed with him and have some fun.
"You'll see," I teased before leaving him standing there. I went back into the common room to find Deacon sitting at the dinette table with books and papers scattered everywhere. I guess he was studying.
"How is Bear?" He asked as he looked up and saw me.
"I'm fine," Bear answered for himself as he exited his room.
"You sure?" Deacon asked looking at the two of us suspiciously. I guess he was wondering why Bear had suddenly perked up from the state he had seen him in before I arrived.
"Positive," Bear said as he walked up to me and pulled me into a hug from behind.
"We're gonna go for a ride," I told Deacon before I pulled myself from Bear's hug. I told him to go get dressed and he looked at me curiously before hopping to. He ran to take a quick shower before rushing back to his bedroom to get some clothes on. Deacon giggled at how fast he was moving. I smiled a little too. He emerged his room in quick order all freshly scrubbed and looking amazing as usual. After perving on him for a few seconds, I headed for the door and beckoned for him to follow me. He smiled and followed after me.
We headed for my truck and he hopped in the passenger seat while I slip behind the wheel. I started my truck and after a bit, we were on the highway. Bear kept bugging me to tell him where we were going. I kept quiet until we made it back home. He looked at me with a curious look on his face. I just smiled as I kept driving.
I had to steel myself with what I was about to do. Some would say that I was crazy, but in my mind, I was doing what I needed to do for my own sanity. I was also doing this for Bear even if he didn't think so right now.
"Where are we going?" Bear asked more insistent this time. He likely figured where we were going.
"You'll see," I said but this time there was no teasing as I was serious and focused on the road.
"Trey," Bear said but I didn't respond. It wasn't necessary to do so anyway as we arrived at our destination, Alicia's parents' house.
"We're here," I said before looking at him. He was looking at me like I was suddenly a stranger.
"Why?" He asked as he tried to read me.
"You're her father, and I have to deal with that. I'm not gonna let the man I love be a deadbeat father," I said and he closed his eyes again and a pained look came over his face.
"You'll leave me again," he said in a pained whisper. I reached over and took his hand in mine.
"No, I won't. I'm here for you," I said and he squeezed my hand almost too hard.
"Are you sure?" He asked with a slightly scared look on his face.
"Yeah, now come on," I said before letting go of his hand and getting out of the truck. I walked around to the passenger side and waited until he got out. Then we walked up to the door and Bear took a deep breath before knocking. He grabbed my hand in a tight grip as we waited for somebody to answer the door.
"Who is it?" We heard from the other side of the door. I recognized the voice as Alicia's mother.
"Uh, it's Bear Davidson," Bear said. There was a slight delay before the door opened to reveal Alicia's mother with a surprised look on her face. That look grew when she took in the both of us standing at her door.
"What- what are you doing here?" She asked now looking confused.
"Where's Alicia?" I asked and tried to ignore the way she looked at us holding hands.
"She's upstairs. Come on in," she said before moving back a bit as a way of invitation to us.
We walked in and she closed the door before leading us to the living room. She told us to have a seat before she left us there to go upstairs and tell Alicia that we were here. Bear took a seat while I looked around the living room of the house that Alicia Lake had grown up in.
I began to wonder if I was doing the right thing. Doubts began to build, but they mostly vanished as I came upon a picture of Prue. She was sleeping while cuddling a stuffed white dog. She looked so precious that I couldn't keep her father from her. I may hate Alicia but the fact that she and Bear made such a pretty little girl was undeniable. Their genes mixed together well.
"Bear... and Trey," Alicia said as she descended the stairs. She came to a stop not far from us.
"Hello Alicia," Bear said as he stood up and moved to stand next to me.
"What are you doing here?" She asked while looking back and forth between the two of us suspiciously.
"We're here to see Prue," I said for Bear. Her eyebrows shot up high and she stared at me with folded arms.
"Come again?" She said while looking highly defensive.
"I'm... I'm here to see my daughter," Bear said before taking a step forward.
"Why now?" She had the nerve to ask with a bit of an attitude.
"Alicia, cut it out," Mrs. Lake said as she reached the bottom of the stairs while holding Prue.
"Mother," Alicia said trying to argue but her mother was having none of it.
"Hush, girl," she said as she walked over near us. Bear walked up to her and she put Prue down on the floor to stand on her own. Bear knelt down to get near her height and then they sort of stared at each other.
"Daddy," Prue said again and just like before Bear melted at the voice. He didn't fight it this time. He looked back at me and I nodded to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere this time.
"Hey there," he said and her face lit up. I could understand the feeling.
"Hug," she said with her arms outstretched. That almost broke me but in a good way. It also made me feel like a huge ass for keeping this girl away from her father.
"Sure," he said before pulling her into a hug. As he hugged her, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine her in my life. I was surprised that I could picture her there. I also saw Alicia there but I could ignore her for now. All that was important was Bear and his daughter.
"Daddy," she said again and I heard a sniffle from Bear.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered and again I felt like a giant heel. That was in the past though and now we had to move forward the best we could.
"Alicia, go fix your guests something to drink," Mrs. Lake told her daughter with a sniffle of her own at the touching scene. Alicia rolled her eyes at her mother but did as she was told.
"I'll help her," I said before I walked up to Bear. I ran my hands through his hair which made him look up at me. I gestured toward the kitchen before following Alicia. I found her getting ice out of the fridge.
"What is this?" She asked after a few seconds.
"What is what?" I asked, playing with her a bit.
"This, you and Bear, here now. What are you up to?" She said and I almost snickered at her suspicions. I kept a straight face though.
"I'm giving you what you wanted. This is what you wanted, isn't it?" I said as I leaned against the counter opposite the island in the center of the kitchen.
"What are you talking about?" She asked as she took a defensive stance yet again.
"This is what you wanted, for Bear to come to you, to see his child and fall in love with her. To apologize for not being there for her. You got what you wanted. You, however, also have me. I'm not going anywhere," I said and she frowned. She tried to play it off though.
"I never," she started before I stopped her with an upheld hand.
"Don't bother. We both know what you were after. Well, you've got it, although, I'm sure not the way you expected," I said and her frown turned into a scowl. "Oh and, you have me to thank for that in there. I'm the one who convinced him to come here. Hell, I drove him here of my own volition," I said and she lost some of that defiance.
"Thank you," she struggled to say. I could tell it hurt her to say it.
"Don't mention it," I said before I turned to head back into the living room. "By the way, I haven't told him about what you tried to do and I won't unless you give me a reason to," I said before leaving her standing there.
I went back into the living room to see Bear sitting on the floor playing with his daughter. She looked like she was over the moon to be playing with her big Papa. Mrs. Lake was looking at them with a misty smile. I told her Alicia wanted to get the drinks by herself. She just rolled her eyes and shook her head.
She moved over for me to sit next to her. Alicia came back in a few minutes later with glasses of iced tea. I asked her semi-jokingly if she had poisoned my tea. Her mother said that she knew better to which Alicia rolled her eyes. They looked the same when doing that and I wondered if Prue would be the same when she inevitably started rolling her eyes at her father.
Alicia went upstairs to get some of Prue's toys so she and Bear could have more to play with. While they played, I pulled out my phone and took a picture of them. I then texted it to Bear's mother. She texted me back asking if she was seeing things and I told her no.
As I sat there and watched Bear play with his daughter, I thought about all that had happened between me and bear from the day I'd told him I was gay, the same day that he realized his feelings for me, and now. There had been a lot of happiness, a lot of sadness, a lot of anger and some craziness. A thought occurred to me that maybe I needed to pay Dr. Manning a visit, or at least give him a call. I put that aside though as I felt my mental health was holding okay for the moment. What was important was that Bear and I move forward and continuing to work on our relationship, one that now included Prue. I thought about it again and I was finally sure that I had made the right decision. It was the right decision.
To be continued...
**************************************************************************** Author's Note:
Hello all and welcome back to the next installment of The Chronicles of Trey.
In the aftermath of the previous chapter, Trey has some serious thinking to do in regards to his relationship with Bear. What awaits them now that decisions have been made... Find out in the continuing Chronicles of Trey.
As always, I appreciate hearing from my readers. If you want to send me any comments, please do so at the storyguy9783@gmail.com. You can also reach my editor JD if needed at jd.kaster1987@gmail.com.
Until next time... Nicky ****************************************************************************