The Boy With the Emerald Eyes By James
Disclaimer
This is a story which deals with sexual/romantic situations between teenaged males. Should you not be of the legal age to read such material, or if you're offended by such stories then please find something else to read. This story also will contain scenes of violence, instances of Hate Speech and at times possibly scenes dealing with or dialogue concerning rape. If those themes disturb anyone who reads this story, then I urge them to find something else to read as well.
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Finally, if anyone would like to contact me regarding this story, I can be reached at jamesheady1985@gmail.com. I respond to all e-mails, but flames and other e-mails that are, or that I suspect are trolling or flaming in nature will be ignored.
Warning!!!
One additional note on this particular chapter. This chapter of the story will deal with issues concerning suicide, so please be advised, and if anyone reading feels uncomfortable reading about this issue, or should feel triggered in any way at all, then please stop reading.
The Boy With the Emerald Eyes
Chapter 10
Caleb
Saturday of mine and Dakota's weekend together was bright and sunny. We went Go-Kart Riding with Mom and Dad, as well as bowling later that afternoon. It was really amazing to see how much fun Dakota was having, and I was really enjoying myself as well! We also stopped for lunch before we went bowling, then once we finished with lunch, then with our bowling we returned home since my parents were going to be going out with friends for a couple of hours. Once they left, Dakota and I sat on the edge of my bed talking.
"I've really been enjoying myself today," Dakota said putting an arm across my back.
"Me too," I replied. "This has been the best weekend ever, and I really can't wait for us to have more weekends together like this!"
"I feel the same way," Dakota said. "If you have time to spend the weekend with me again this up-coming weekend, then I would love to invite you to my house. I'm sure that Tanner and Sarah wouldn't mind."
"I'd love that as well!" I answered. "That would be really great! I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind either!"
"We can talk to them later once they get home if you'd like," Dakota went on.
"That sounds good!" I replied.
Just then my phone rang, and I answered it. It was Doug, one of the guys who helped run an LGBT Youth Center close to where I attended church. I would help out there from time to time earlier in the year, and though school kept me busy once the last few weeks of the school year were going on, I had it in the front of my mind to go back to help out again. I would sit with some of the kids there while they worked on art projects or played other games, and some of them would open up to me about things going on with them. I enjoyed listening to them, and being someone to whom they could confide things that they didn't feel like they could tell anyone else.
As I talked with Doug, he told me that he had a few things he wanted to talk to me about, and asked if I could come over for a bit to talk with him. I told him that I would love to come over, and asked if I could bring a friend with me. He agreed, and after letting my parents as well as Dakota's family know where we would be, we left.
I explained more to Dakota about the center as we walked there, and he seemed interested in seeing it. Once there, we walked in, and Doug met us, and he and Dakota introduced themselves. Once Dakota told me that he wanted to look at the art supplies they had at one of the tables, Doug and I went in to his office.
"I wanted to talk with you about if you'd be available to come in a couple of times a week," Doug began. "That is if you don't get too busy with school, and depending on what's going on where all that's concerned."
"I'd love to!" I replied. "I'll have to talk about it with my Mom and Dad, but I'm sure they'll be fine with me coming here to help out a little more."
"Good," Doug answered. "So how's everything else going?"
"It's going good," I said. "My summer has been going really well, and has been going even better since I met Dakota a few weeks ago."
I told him how Dakota and I met, and he smiled.
"It sounds like you both are meant for one another, as friends and possibly more," Doug responded. "You seem to really like him as more than a friend, or at least that seems where things might be going."
"I'd love it if things went to more than just friendship for us," I said. "I really do like Dakota, and while there are the more cynical people in our society that would just assume that I want to get in to his pants, I can only say that while I do have sexual feelings for him, that's only part of it. When I think of him, I immediately think of wanting to just hold him close, and just enjoy spending time with him. It's hard to put in to words just how much I've come to like and care for him though."
"I can understand that," Doug said. "I can tell that you feel really deeply for him, and I hope things work out for you the way you want them to. Do you think Dakota feels the same way?"
"I think he does, but it can be hard to tell sometimes," I answered. "He had something happen to him last year that caused his disabilities, and I've not wanted to ask him about it yet. Part of me is trying to figure out how to approach the subject, but I'm also trying to show him that I see him beyond his physical issues."
"I'm sure he knows that you care for him, and that you wouldn't hold it against him about what he went through last year," Doug responded.
"Thanks," I said. "I might ask him about it at some point, that is if he doesn't bring it up first."
"Yeah," Doug agreed. "He could bring it up before you get a chance to ask him about it, and if he does then just listen to what he has to say, and I'm sure you'll do good with letting him know that you're there for him as he tells you his story."
"Yeah," I said. "I'll definitely be there for him whenever he feels comfortable enough to tell me more about his story."
0000
Dakota
When Caleb told me about the LGBT Youth Center, before we came here, I figured that I could trust him at some point to tell him about myself, not just about the incident, but also about me being gay. I hoped that I could trust him anyway.
As I sat there looking through the various paints and papers that were on the art supply table, I saw someone walk in. It was a guy, and I figured that he worked there at the center as well. He saw me looking at him, and he walked in my direction.
"Hi, I'm Aaron," he said. "I work here with Doug. It's nice to meet you."
"I'm Dakota," I replied. "I'm guessing that you know Caleb Henderson."
"Yeah, I know him!" Aaron said. "Is he here today?"
"He's in talking with Doug, one of the other guys who works here," I answered.
"Oh good," Aaron said. "Doug said that he was going to reach out to him here soon, and it looks like he got that chance today."
"Yeah, he called Caleb a little while ago when we were at Caleb's house," I responded. "He asked him if he could come in for a bit so they could talk about a few things. I came here with him as you obviously can see since you and I are talking now."
"I'm glad you came with him," Aaron answered. "I don't remember seeing you around here when Caleb would help out back earlier this year. Are you a new friend of his?"
"Yeah, Caleb and I just met a couple of weeks ago," I replied. "My dad named Tanner and my sister named Sarah moved here around the same time Caleb and I first met as well. We live right across the street from Caleb and his parents, and it's been really nice getting to know all three of them, especially Caleb."
"I can imagine it has been," Aaron answered. "You're definitely in good hands with Caleb. He really is a good person, and I'm glad you and him have met, and that you're becoming good friends. You definitely seem to really care deeply for him. Must be a really strong connection you both are forming."
I heard, or thought I heard something in Aaron's voice that suggested that he might suspect what was forming between Caleb and I, or what I secretly hoped would form between the two of us. Aaron must have seen the look on my face, because he sat down across the table from me, and lean in close.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. "I really do apologize. It's just that you really seem to care for Caleb, and from what you're saying, he really seems to care deeply for you. I can usually tell when two people not only are good friends, but when they like each other as more than friends. If I have that wrong, then you can correct me."
I motioned for him to come and stand beside me. Once by my side, I motioned for Aaron to lean down so that I could speak softly to him.
"You're not wrong," I answered. "I'm not out to Caleb yet, and he hasn't come out to me yet either. It's been really hard for me when I tried to come out last year at my old school, and that going bad for me is the biggest reason as to why I am like I am today. Please don't tell Caleb about me! If I get comfortable enough to tell him about me being gay, then I need to be the one to do that."
"I understand," Aaron said putting an arm around my shoulders. "I won't out you to him, and I'm really truly sorry to hear about what happened to you at your old school. I'm guessing that others there weren't supportive?"
"Only a girl named Beth was supportive," I said. "My family wasn't supportive at all, and it's only since I came to live with Tanner and Sarah that I've found the love and support from them, that I hoped to have found with my former family."
"I'm glad that Tanner and Sarah are loving and supportive of you," Aaron said. "I'm supportive of you as well, and if you ever need someone to talk to or just to hang with, I'm here for you as well. All of what you told me will stay just between the two of us, and you have my word on that."
"Thanks," I said and I motioned that I wanted to hug him, and he put his arms around me, and I held on to him for a long moment.
0000
Devin Jackson
My parents were gone for that Saturday morning and afternoon, and Tyler had gone back to his house to give me some alone time with Mandy when I told him that she would be coming over. We spent about an hour talking and watching stuff on TV, then for the last couple of hours we had been alternating in between making out and then going down on one another, and this eventually lead to me being deep inside her for either the sixth or seventh time since we had been seeing one another. This time it was different though, and I had to push myself to not only stay hard, but to get close to coming, and this hadn't happened before. As I sat there replaying our session together in my mind, I thought about the other thing that had made it hard for me to focus. It was only when thoughts of guys came in to my mind that I was able to pick up the pace.
I was even more surprised that the guy who's face kept coming up in my mind the most was of Tyler, mine and Caleb's friend. When I thought of his face again, it was only then that I came, and somehow I worried that I'd involuntarily call out his name as I came, but I was able to keep my focus enough so that this didn't happen. After a few minutes of kissing and holding one another, Mandy got cleaned up and after kissing me, she left. I got rid of the condom that I had used while we fucked, then I showered then sat in my room trying to organize my thoughts. I wondered why I had been thinking of Tyler's face when I was obviously supposed to be focused completely on Mandy.
To be clear, if I turned out to be either Gay or Bi, my family would still accept me. I knew this, but I wanted to be secure in what I had with Mandy. I just figured that I would take it a moment at a time though.
0000
Tyler Daniels
I was at my own house since a little after 11:00 A.M. that morning. Devin said that he wanted to get together with Mandy, and though he said that I could still be at home, I didn't want to be having to stay in the guest room while they did whatever it was that they were going to do. I told him that I would go back to my own house for a bit, and I did want to do that anyway, as I had made up my mind about what I wanted to do. So I had been there for the last couple of hours getting everything in order including my dad's gun the clip of bullets of which I had just loaded in to its handle, and I was surprised to find that my hands had been steady through the whole process.
"Amazing how calm things seem to get once one decides to end everything," I said softly.
I had just come in to my room with my dad's gun, and after writing the three notes I had planned for the last three weeks to write, I found that this had strengthened my resolve to go through with it. There was of course the final event as well as my dad spending increasingly more and more time away from home in the last couple of months that certainly didn't help things.
The thing that pushed me over the edge happened in the form of what I thought was going to be the last conversation between my dad and I. Since being back home for the few hours I had been that day, I alternated between wanting to go through with it, then not going through with it. I wanted someone to talk me out of it, and I more than anything wanted someone to tell me that everything would be alright. In addition to my dad not being around, I was receiving texts from a few guys who we all went to school with. I didn't know how they had gotten my number, but during the middle of that Summer, they would send me texts calling me a Fagot, telling me that I acted gay, and that no one wanted me around.
I knew I was gay since I was 12, and it was part of why my mom stopped accepting visits from me that year before, but more on that later. My dad was a typical man's man, though sometimes he could be gentle. Knowing that he had a caring and tender side at times still didn't make me feel any better about coming out to him. He made plenty of gay jokes in front of me, and though he said he didn't care if someone was gay, he still got a look of disgust on his face when he saw guys walking past us holding hands when we would be out taking walks, or out at the store. That too didn't make me feel any better about telling him about myself.
I figured that I could tell Caleb and Devin, but I still just really didn't want anyone knowing. This was really why I got annoyed and most of all uncomfortable when discussions about relationships, sex and dating would come up when I'd be with my two friends, and I knew that they both were getting increasingly concerned about me. They didn't come right out and ask me, but I knew that they were wondering, I could sense it.
Anyway, that Saturday morning and part of that afternoon I was alternating between going through with ending it, and not ending it, then after deciding to call my dad, I picked up the phone, and made the call.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing," I began when my dad got on the line. "I also wanted to know when you might be coming home?"
"Look Tyler," he began impatiently. "I know you were hoping that I'd be home this weekend, but it just isn't possible right now. I just want us to be alright financially, and you really need to try to understand that. Besides, you have Caleb and what's that other guy's name Danny, Dane?"
"It's Devin," I said feeling myself close up inside.
"Yeah, okay," my dad replied dismissively. "Anyway, you have them to hang with. I'll be home when I can."
I felt myself close to tears at this point.
"Dad?" I said trying to make sure that there was no trembling in my voice.
Tears stood in my eyes, and I knew it wouldn't take much to make them fall.
"What," he said, and I could hear the impatience as well as the distraction in his voice. That really hurt.
"I,,,I,,,I really need to talk to you," I began as the first couple of tears fell.
"Tyler you need to make it quick," he said, and I could hear anger creeping in to his voice now. "I have a phone meeting with my boss here in about five minutes, and so I have to be ready for it."
"I don't have just five minutes!" I said as more tears fell, and I tried to keep my voice steady. "I've been going through some things lately, and I really need to talk to you about them. That's also why I've wanted you home lately, because I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you about it."
"There's things you want to talk about?" he said in a half-laugh, and with disgust apparent in his voice. "Hell I'm still not clear as to the exact details as to why your Bitch of a mother stopped having you come up for every-other-weekend visits last year recently anyway. All she said as that you'd explain it to me, and when I asked her to tell me what was going on, all she'd tell me was that you were doing things she didn't agree with. So none of that has been explained to my satisfaction yet, and you have the nerve to ask me to put aside my schedule to have some heart-to-heart when you won't even explain why your mom ended her weekend visits? I'm not going to put up with being jerked around like this, and I've had enough of it from that Bitch that gave birth to you, and I've had to put up with it from her since we knew one another. I certainly shouldn't have to put up with any crap from you to make things worse. I already have enough stress from dealing with her, and I don't need you adding to it.
"It's just really complicated," I said trying to hold back more tears and the sobs that wanted to escape.
"Yeah complicated," my dad said laughing with that contemptuous tone again. "You know how much I hear Assholes here at work say that shit when I ask them why they didn't do their part of the projects they and I were assigned to do? That's just Bullshit people say when they don't want to call shit for what it is. What, you having girl trouble or something? Probably not since you haven't started dating girls yet, though I wouldn't really know. Hell for all I know that's why that Bitch ex-wife of mine stopped seeing you every other weekend. What happened, she or that drunk of a boyfriend she started fucking find you with a girl in your room?"
He wasn't exactly close by any means, but he was warm, and my heart began beating faster.
I just need to talk to you," I said trying not to lose my temper now. I knew that my dad had things going on at work, but this was getting ridiculous!
"Tyler I have to go," he said. "My boss is calling in."
The phone went dead in my hand, and I slammed it down.
"Fuck it!" I said as I held my dad's gun in my hand feeling its deadly weight. "I guess I got my fucking answer.
What did I expect anyway, that he'd say that he knew that he had been away too long, and that he was glad to have me living with him? That he would come right home, or that after I said that I was going through things that he would ask me what was going on, and actually come right home to help me deal with them? My dad wasn't hateful by any means as I lived with him, but he wasn't typically going out of his way to be warm and nurturing all the time either if at all. I did enough with my friends to keep me out of the house, or at least busy if I was in the house, but I still wanted those father/son moments like most kids have. I knew now though that this wouldn't happen for me.
I lifted the gun, and held it to the place where it would give me the results I wanted, and put my finger on the trigger once the hammer was pulled back. I pressed down a little harder, then as I went to apply the last ounce of pressure that would end my pain, my phone sounded,. I was pissed, just when I thought that things would be over!
"What the fuck do you want!" I screamed in to the phone after I dropped the gun which fell on the bed.
There was a silence, then a voice, and I could hear worry and alarm in its tones.
"Uh, Tyler?" the voice said.
It was Devin!
"Uh, sorry Dev," I said with my mind feeling like it had been pulled back from falling away. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I didn't look at the caller ID, and I was already pissed anyway. I got off the phone with my dad a few minutes ago, and the conversation didn't go well."
"I see," he said still worried. "I was just calling to see if you wanted to come back to my house. Mandy left a little while ago, and I could use a friend here to help me watch the Metal Concert I found on YouTube a few minutes ago. It's Night Wish."
"Cool," I said feeling some life come back in to me. "I'll be home in a few minutes."
"Okay, see you then," Devin answered, then we hung up.
I put my phone down, then looked at the gun, then to the three letters I had sitting on my bedside table.
"Fuck what had I been getting ready to do!" I said completely scared now.
Had I really been seconds away from ending my own life? I couldn't believe it! After unloading the gun and putting it back in my dad's desk, and after hiding the letters in my dresser where I kept my socks and boxers, I grabbed my phone, then went back to Devin's house.
0000
Caleb
As Dakota and I walked back home from being at the center, he told me that he enjoyed talking with Aaron, and I told him about how my conversation went with Doug. I hadn't told him about the things Doug and I talked about concerning my feelings for him, and I wondered when I'd let him know.
As we walked on, Dakota was telling me about how him and Aaron had talked about books they liked reading, as well as about the music they enjoyed listening too. They also talked about Dakota's interest in painting, and he told me that Aaron told him that he could come by the center any tine to paint, as well as spend time there whenever he wanted. I told him that that was really good to hear, then we reached my house, and by this time it was getting closer to dinner time, and my parents were home now.
Later that night Dakota and I showered, then after saying goodnight to my parents, we got in to bed. We had church the next day, so it would be an early night for us. Dakota was excited to go with us the next day, and I was glad that he'd be attending with us.
Once in bed, I shut off the light, and Dakota lay there on his side facing me. He was on the inside of the bed and the bed was backed up against the wall. I was on the outside, as I worried about him possibly falling out of bed, and Dakota liked lying on the inside like he was, because he said that it made him feel safe to have me there and the wall on the other side of him.
As I lay there facing him, he snuggled close to me, and our stomachs and chests made contact. His legs were also lying against mine, and I put my arm around him as he looked in to my eyes. We were clothed in just our boxers, and the warmth of his skin against mine felt really amazing!
"You know you said that we could ask or tell each other anything?" Dakota asked moving his face closer to mine.
"Yeah," I answered.
"I noticed that you were totally comfortable when you talked about the LGBT Youth Center before we went there today, as well as seeming to be completely comfortable being there today," Dakota continued. "I was wondering if you're gay or anything like that?"
"Yeah," I answered as I stroked his hair. "I'm gay. I've known for a long time, and have recently started coming out. Devin, Tyler and my family know. Now you know obviously."
"Thanks for telling me," he answered, then paused for a moment. "I'm gay too. Please don't tell anyone though. I just got comfortable with Tanner and Sarah knowing when I came out to them a few months ago, and well, it didn't go very well when people knew about me back at my old school last year."
"Don't worry," I said as I held Dakota closer to me. "I won't tell anyone that you're gay. That's for you to tell people if or when you feel comfortable to do so. I'll keep that between you and I. Also, you're welcome for me telling you, and thanks for telling me about yourself. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me that."
"I'm glad you felt comfortable to tell me about yourself as well," Dakota answered, then we looked deeply in to one another's eyes.
"Your eyes are really lovely to look in to," I said. "They're really beautiful like Sapphires."
"That's really sweet of you to say," Dakota responded smiling. "I love the look of your eyes as well. They look like emeralds, and are really beautiful to look at."
"I'm glad you feel that way," I said.
After talking for a few more minutes, Dakota said that he was getting tired now, and I eased his head down on my chest.
"Good night Caleb," he said.
"Good night Dakota," I replied.
We both fell asleep quickly afterwards.
Author's Notes
As I wrote above in the note after the main Disclaimer, this chapter had dealt with issues pertaining to suicide. This is an issue that does affect the LGBT Community, and can be something that the youth among our community can face depending on the situation of the kid. I want to say that no one should have to go through this, and people experiencing these feelings should reach out for help from either trusted friends if that's possible, or reach out to family if they have family they can trust, as well as reaching out for psychiatric help to help them get through what they're feeling.
I can imagine how difficult it was reading the part of the chapter dealing with Tyler, and what he was about to do. This shouldn't be a thing that kids should have to go through in our society, and while I urge anyone be they kids or adults in the LGBT Community, or anywhere in life to reach out for help from the Mental Health Field, I still believe that suicide and people like LGBT Youth or like-minded adults facing issues such as that need to be cared about by society. As someone who believes in "Systems not People", kids and adults who are at the edge of wanting to hurt themselves is a sign in our society that something has gone wrong, and can't nor should it be viewed as an individual issue. Sure a society is made up of individual humans, but unlike what Ayn Rand and more kind-hearted people of today's age a little kinder than her say, people don't exist in a vacuum. What we do does affect, or can affect others in society. What we do can even have consequences sometimes good, sometimes bad for even people that we might not think possible. This idea that things, people and events are separate things. While this can be true at times, it's not a 100% truth, and seems to me to be more often than not, a way for some people in society to abdicate moral responsibility for something that another person might be going through that they know about, but can't be bothered to help with. It's time for this attitude in society to go, and us to get back to taking care of one another. We need to start taking care of the LGBT Community, especially the youths within the community, so that things that effect actual people that my character of Tyler went through don't have to be the norm.
In the next chapter, I'll be having more things happen between Caleb and Dakota. They'll be having their moment that I know a lot of you have been waiting for, so I hope you all enjoy reading about that. I'll also be continuing on with things between Devin and Tyler. I can imagine that everyone was surprised when Devin started picturing guys when he was with Mandy. I hadn't planned on him dealing with that starting out either, but I thought more about it, and I do have plans for him. I'll be writing about those in the next few chapters as well, and I hope all of you like what I do with him where all of that is concerned.
I hope everyone is having a good weekend, and I hope you all enjoy this chapter though there is the hard parts of it to read where Tyler is concerned. That being said though, I hope everyone is doing well, staying safe, and staying healthy. I'll see everyone in Chapter 11.