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This Story is a semi-true one. It began on a social networking site between a young graduate student and me. This young man wanted an older, athletic man to be his coach, mentor and trainer. After some initial give and take, we began a correspondence on that site. Eventually, we moved into private emails. This story, told only through our correspondence, is about how a man seeks a Coach, what that Coach provides him, and how both of their lives may be changed by the experience.
Saturday, September 29, 2012 1:00 AM, 5:00 AM Coach_Luke to AdamPENN
Adam,
Glad you finally made it after all of the car trouble. I appreciate your efforts to inform me about your whereabouts. We will cover proper maintenance of all machinery in a future lesson.
Overall though, It was worth the wait.
As a coach and a mentor, last night was everything I hoped it would be and more. You were a pliant and willing student and I was proud to mark you and reward you as my current protégé. Your athletic submission during our 3rd round (my 3rd your 5th, if we're counting cum-shots) was one that I will not soon forget. As many times as I have mounted hot, young studs face to face and fucked them looking into their eager faces, you were the first to try that flip move. I don't know how you were strong enough or coordinated enough to flip us both over without losing the grip of my cock in your ass, but it was amazing and totally unexpected. The fact that you immediately acquiesced and rolled back over so that I was once again pile-driving you from above showed your trust and submission to my current authority and teaching role.
When you shot that fifth time (I may still be cleaning the cum out of my hair), I could not believe one young man could produce that much jizz, especially one who'd already shot a load on that same fuck. Again, you continued to surprise me. My joy was not feigned as I stripped that rubber off and quickly jacked my third load into your mouth and face (and also a bit, I think, in your hair). I was/am immensely proud of your efforts and your first reward night.
Getting you dressed and to the door, still with a bit of my cum on your lashes and in your hair (not to mention your gullet and ass) was not an easy thing for me, and I'm disciplined. If there was any disappointment in the evening, it was your questioning me at the door, showing me those brilliant baby-blue eyes, and begging, "Please, can't I stay the night, Coach?" It truly showed your lack of discipline (as did your athletic flip/fuck - though enjoyable at the time.) You have made progress but the beast still rules you, as we saw. That look and that tone may have worked in the past for you, but it is not how real men express themselves.
As I said at the start of our evening, when you provided your paperwork and medical documents, and signed your non-disclosure agreement, you were agreeing to follow my rules for as long as our mutually dependent training sessions continued. There would never, ever be any questioning of my motives, methods, or instructions. You questioned me at the door, Sport, even after I told you players never stay over until there training is done, and then, ONLY at my request.
So, as spent as I was and enjoyable as our first reward session was, I was reminded at the door of how much you have to learn. But you did leave my home totally marked as MINE, bearing the scents of my seed and my piss, and no one can take that away from you. Ever.
I will finish this in the morning after I've had time to think about where your training needs to go for the next few weeks.
Unbelievable. How disappointing it was nearly 3 hours later, at just after 4 AM to be awakened by the phone call that has now called the entire evening into question. For you see, Adam, I know that you did not go home as I instructed you. You instead went to Cocky's Bar, deciding that you needed to "celebrate" what I'd shared with you last night and apparently thinking you had a right to reward yourself with more! As if what I'd provided for you was not enough reward for your two weeks of discipline, sacrifice, and hard work. See how totally uncontrolled that Alpha-beast is within you? You blew five loads as part of your Coach's reward and you thought you should celebrate more? Or perhaps you felt sorry for yourself because after all that, you didn't get to stay over? 19th in a long line of young men, princes ALL of them compared to you, none who ever pulled a stunt such as you pulled and you dared to think you needed more to celebrate?
I know ALL, Sport. As I told you, I have former players, students, confidantes, and friends all over. Cocky's is more than just that popular gay bar - it's also one of my businesses. That hot, blonde bartender - the Nordic Superman you tried to flirt with when you ordered your first beer- is not just the bartender, he's also the owner/manager, and I'm his silent partner. He's my legal heir and the former player I told you about briefly yesterday. Eventually during your training you would have met him under controlled circumstances. So this was doubly unfortunate. Apparently now, he things you are worse than shit, and that I'm losing my touch for even agreeing to work with you.
Derek has a nose like a bloodhound. When you ordered your first beer to "Celebrated being rewarded by my Coach tonight," he said his curiosity was piqued. Then on your second beer, when you confided to him "I've still got his seed in me - he marked me as his, isn't that awesome" Derek knew there was no doubt that you were my latest trainee. He could smell ME on YOU. As he reminded me later on the phone, and as I was embarrassed to recall, none of my other candidates has EVER acted in such a way in public. Apparently when things got busy at the bar, you moved along, but not before asking Derek if you could suck on his nipple ring - apparently very noticeable beneath his skin tight muscle tank he always wears when tending bar.
Later, he noticed you making out and rubbing crotches on the dance floor with a burly, older guy who comes into the bar every other month or so. I know who he is. Billy, a married, closeted mechanic from Berkley County who comes in every now and then when he can't stand his life and he needs to get off. What's worse is what Derek tells me he discovered later. Near to last call, he was making the rounds and there was a small crowd of the usual late-drunks, mostly older men hanging outside the door to the backside restroom. Apparently you and ol' Bill were in the last stall. Billy had his pants around his ankles, prone over the toilet while you fucked the shit out of his ass, spewing vicious slurs at him while he begged you to fuck him deeper.
How could this be possible? How, after more than 15 plus years of working, training, and serving fine young men, could I have become such a poor judge of character? I suppose, statistically, it had to happen sometime, but I am utterly, utterly appalled.
Derek says he threw the onlookers out and then got you and Billy out after closing time - Billy to a nearby hotel and you were poured into a cab, which I'm assuming took you home and where you are currently passed out. When you read this, I expect your head and your ass to be pounding and I want you to remember that feeling - there will be more of that and it will not lead to five or more ejaculations, I can assure you.
Derek called me immediately after he closed the bar. My son, whom I am prouder of than most anything I can imagine, is relaying to me this event. He's questioning me as to what I could have done differently? He has never, ever questioned me in anger! He was embarrassed for me, and for us. That phone conversation did not end well. You have caused me to lose my temper with the one soul in the world I probably love above all others. How could you do such a thing?
Luckily, I had a 6:30 appointment at Rusty's Gym downtown. I did not bother going to sleep at all. When I arrived, I informed Rusty (also a former trainee) to not bother lining up one of his men, that he would be my sparring partner this morning. Rusty, knowing me for more than 10 years (since he was my second player), had one of his boys assist me with my gloves and we stepped into the ring. Rusty has 3 inches and about 50 pounds on me. He is the largest man I have ever trained and it is a foolish thing to knowingly step into a boxing ring with him, especially when you're angry. I supposed it's a good thing he respects and loves me so much. He could sense the anger pouring out of me, and being a long-time friend, he took much of my pounding without responding, though he connected on more than a couple of combinations that brought me down and helped me clear my head. After a quick shower together, where we discussed your situation and the implications for me, I have just now returned home to write you this rejoinder.
My two closest men, Derek and Rusty, have advised that I cut you loose. Though I've never given up on a player, they both believe that this outburst dictates you do not possess the necessary discipline to make it in our system. As I write this, Derek is instant messaging me, again lobbying that I not allow you to enter into 'his family.' If I wasn't still so pissed with him, I'd respond. He now writes what he said you yelled while you fucked the hairy and hapless Billy last night:
"Take my big cock, you worthless shit. Grease under your fingernails. Nasty fucker. This is what a real man feels like. This is how a real man breeds a hole. Don't you wish you had this cock every day?"
Seriously, I am nauseated reading this. Who, drunk or sober, utters such reprehensible egotistical bullshit while they are fucking? Was there any moment, any nanosecond when I invited you into my home, shared my bed with you, and exhibited any inclination that any behavior such as this was appropriate or to be condoned? Did it make you feel superior, fucking this man? Did lowering his self-worth, this man who already has issues about his sexuality and his masculinity, somehow make you feel stronger? The fact that you are athletic, good-looking, and intelligent, does not make you a superior person, as this event certainly exemplifies. Every man is worthy of your respect unless he acts so reprehensibly that you must deny it to him, but one NEVER, ever judges in such a way. I am ashamed to my core at this standard you have exhibited. It is beneath all that I stand for.
I'm going to need a run to clear my head and decide 1) if you are worth my time continuing in this endeavor and if so 2) just what the fuck I am going to do to turn around such a stupid fuck as you showed yourself to be last night.
Until you hear further from me, you do not leave your apartment. You may study and take minimum nourishment. That is all. DO NOT even THINK about touching your cock until further notice. You'll be lucky if I don't come over there and CUT IT OFF myself.
You do not know how fucking serious I am.
Coach
Sunday, September 30, 2012 from {Adam}
Dear Coach,
When I finally woke up this morning, head throbbing and asshole feeling tender as hell, the first horrible thought to cross my mind is that last night I really fucked up. A lot. However, it wasn't until I turned on my laptop and read this letter from you that I realized just how bad it was. I want to crawl in a hole and disappear coach, but at the same time I feel the need to try and explain.
Despite being stressed from almost not making it there, (thank god that asst. prof saw me walking just off campus and offered me the ride), I can honestly say last night included the most awesome five hours I ever had in my life. I can't tell you what a rite of passage it was to be bathed and marked by you, and when you fucked me from behind it was like the first time I had ever been entered and I truly discovered how it feels to give myself up to a man and know his strength and power. No wonder I spewed three loads, two without even touching myself. The time we spent together talking and bonding was like a dream to me...All the privilege I had before in my life seemed to pale compared to what you were bestowing on me. See Coach, I do appreciate what you did, and the way I behaved later was not meant as disrespect or to intentionally bring you shame and regret.
When we fucked again, it was like I had entered the gates of paradise. Feeling you move in me was like understanding how tides in the ocean work and what all the hard, painful shit growing up a boy is ultimately for... to know that kind of total submission and surrender and how paradoxically it is the key to becoming a real man. I say total, but I remember when I felt I needed to flip us over and assert my dominance...cuz I always thought that was what I am supposed to do as a man, or maybe my surrender scared me a little...like looking at the abyss...Anyway, when you swiftly regained control and again mounted me from above, I felt understanding and clarity...that I was in good hands and my rebellion was being contained for my own good. Same when I begged to let me stay. I could see you were disappointed in me, just didn't quite understand why. Nobody else ever made me leave, so I thought it was my right. Stupid asshole, Adam.
I had always been curious about Cocky's but never went in there. Coach, it may make you madder for me to say but in a way I felt like I was entitled by your marking and subduing me to show off...to let other dudes see how hot and special I was. I thought I was like a big guy now and could throw my hot shit around for all to see. Had I known that blond guy was close to you...I did flirt with him Coach, but in my defense he was sending signals back my way too--the sexy look he has in his eyes has to mean something. Or maybe I just got too full of myself and thought everyone wanted a piece of my now-ordained man shit. The old redneck guy was all over me the minute he saw me, and I guess in my confused state I thought I was doing him a favor too by letting him have a little piece of my awesomeness. All the attention and the lingering high of the earlier part of the evening did make me horny, and when I fucked that dude, it was more about the other men watching...me showing off my young cute ass and making him squeal and beg. He said things which made me know the kind of degrading shit he wanted to hear, but I feel no pride in the fact that I knew exactly how to respond. I now admit I hardly recognize myself in that pig I'd become, but it happened coach. When your friend broke it up, he let the old guy at least get his nut, then made it clear he had no more patience with me. He was pretty blunt when he told me the cab was waiting and I didn't have permission to linger any longer.
The idea that these men want you to reject me, and that I am the reason that you are diminished even for one moment in their eyes, fills me with shame Coach, and shame is not something I was raised to accept lightly. I will stay in my room, hoping to hear from you, and the scent I carry so strongly now on my body is like a constant reminder of what I may have squandered. If that is so, I will carry the regret of it always. I want to be better Coach, and I will work hard to make up for my failings. Knowing I rank worst of all 19 on our first night is such a blow to me. If you can't find it in you to forgive me and let me try again, I hope you will extend my apologies to Derek for behaving like such an asshole at his place of business, but also for sullying your high esteem by association.
With my deepest respect and apologies,
Adam
From: Coach Luke
To: Adam, October 1, 2012
Adam,
Maintain your self-imposed celibacy and do not touch yourself at all. Study. Complete your workouts as instructed last week.
I will be in touch later this week when I've had a chance to calm down some more. I appreciate your honest explanation of your actions and your sincere apology. It takes a real man to say he fucked up, and "I'm sorry."
You are not out of the program, yet. I am not too old to like a challenge OR to have my sons dictate what's best for me and for them.
This does not mean you're off the hook in any way.
More later,
Coach
From: Adam
To: Coach Luke, October 1, 2012
Thanks Coach for your understanding. You are a really fair and honorable man.
I'm going to swim an extra 100m just for you with each workout (as I did earlier today). Keeping to a pretty intense bike training regimen and weights on non-swim days. I am also keeping my hands off my junk, hard as it is to do that. I did jizz my pjs last night in my sleep, but I couldn't help it, and I was having a dream that involved your bed and the restraints. That must have made a deep impression. This morning I ran into this sophomore dude I know who likes to suck me off every now and then, but I told him I wasn't into that anymore. He looked kinda sad, but I didn't back down.
I await your next instructions Coach.
All my best, Adam
PS. It may be too early to bring this up, but if you do talk to Derek can you ask if I have been totally 86ed from Cocky's already, or if I might be able to go back there sometime? I'd like to experience it again with a little clearer head. Thanks.
From: Coach Luke
To: Adam, October 2, 2012 11:43 AM
A,
You will report tomorrow (Wednesday) at noon (if you have any other requirements, other than class, you will reschedule them). Go to Cocky's via the rear door in the alley. Knock twice. Derek will allow you to enter. (I would not attempt much conversation with my son as he is still quite pissed with you, so keep your eyes down and follow instructions). He will lead you to a secondary training room we have there in the rear of the bar for our personal use. You will not be invited back into my home until you have completed your consequences and earned additional reward so that you may do so.
Derek will require you to strip and then blindfold you. I urge you to follow his commands as my own. Your hands will be tied to ceiling restraints and your feet to floor cleats. I pledge that you will not be hurt seriously. However, you will be disciplined severely. This discipline may or may not be conducted by myself and two of my former students. A number of small and large objects will be inserted into your anus. Weights or clamps may be attached to your ball sack. Intermittently, you may be untied so that you may complete circuits of 100 or more pushups, 100 or more sit-ups, or 100 or more jump squats. You may be asked to complete curl circuits with free weights or deadlifts. You will be flogged using a variety of devices. At no time will you be allowed to touch yourself or ejaculate. If you do achieve orgasm spontaneously, you will receive additional punishment. Water will be provided to you as needed, but sparingly. Your self-control will be severely tested in order to ascertain your fitness in continuing in our program.
This training exercise will last for approximately 10 hours. At the end of the exercise you will most likely be covered in the urine and semen of your disciplinarians. You will be placed in the shower where you will be instructed what to do next and when to remove your blindfold. Once dressed, an escort will discretely lead you from the bar and then deliver you to your residence sometime after 10 PM. You will not make contact with your trainers or see their faces once the regimen begins.
Based on this exercise, you may or may not continue your training on Thursday morning, following the same routine you've outlined above except allowing you to ejaculate once per day, achieving orgasm at the method of your choosing. You will receive additional instructions, pending this outcome, on Friday.
If you do not wish to proceed, you must notify me immediately upon receipt. Otherwise, I expect you to arrive promptly tomorrow at noon.
Sincerely,
Coach
From: Adam
To: Coach Luke, October 2, 2012, 1:45 PM
Dear Coach,
It's taken me some time to respond because I had to think long and hard about whether I do have what it takes to continue with the program. At first the idea of such a long duration being naked and blindfolded, at the mercy of unseen people tasked with exacting both physical and mental punishment from me, made me fear that my innate sense of self-preservation and pride would rear its head and cause me to resist and fight back. But then I thought of the pledge of trust I made to you, and about how serious and profound that vow is, and after reflection I've decided you would not put me truly in harm's way, have my safety or health threatened in any way, or allow anyone to violate my person more harshly than I deserve. Not knowing if you will be present throughout this punishment means I have extended my trust in you to others who have benefited from your wisdom, and that is the ultimate proof of how much faith I have in you. Coach, I know I was raised very leniently, that all I had to do to win indulgence and praise from my folks was to be sweet and be a top achiever at whatever I was challenged with. But I also know there is a wild and untamed part of me which needs to be broken if I am to ever achieve my real potential, and that is why I look to you with such hope and respect--nobody else has both recognized my good traits, but also been willing to work with me to unlock what my pride and arrogance keep caged.
My only obligation tomorrow besides the gym after morning class was a meeting with my thesis advisor, and as it turns out she is thrilled to postpone until Friday due to scheduling snafus of her own. I will be prompt, prepared and promise to accord Derek the same respect I would you, knowing how I am pretty diminished already in his estimation. That sucks even more because from just one look at him I knew he was the kind of man I hope I will deserve someday, if I can ever succeed in making myself worthy. I know this will be hard and trying, but I'll make every attempt to show the humility I owe you for my massive fuckup, and try to earn my place back in your favored graces. I know I will emerge from this chastened and bruised, but I trust I'll be a better, rather than a wounded man.
Respectfully sir, and in gratitude for giving me another chance,
Adam
To: Adam
From: Coach Luke, Tuesday, October 2, 2012, 3:50 PM
Adam,
I'm glad to hear of your decision.
Chastened you will be.
Broken? Perhaps.
Bruised? No.
I don't take your trust lightly.
Don't be late.
-Coach
From: Adam
To: Coach Luke, October 2, 2012, 5:10 PM
Coach,
I'll be there. Thank you, sir.
Adam
To Be Continued in Part 3: Discipline and Redemption