Texas in Moonfall

Texas in Moonfall By Morpheus Rose

I was having a bad day. That is not really true, it was fine until it was time for ROTC. Actually ROTC ruins all my days, so it was a good thing that it only meets twice a week. My first class went fine; German, what a great class, English was next. That went fine as well. Even Trig was ok, I got an 85 on my quiz. But then, right before lunch I had ROTC. It was inspection day and my shoes weren't shined. My shoes were not shined. We stood in a line, my squadron and I and were inspected by Colonel Jones. First in line was my sister and of course she got an immaculate as always Cadet Mitler'. Then he went down the line past some guys I don't really like anyway who got comments like looking good, Cadet' looking sharp Cadet' and so on. Not me, I get shine you shoes cadet' followed by a demerit and a lecture about how my shoes were an obvious sign of lack of preparedness and how, if I wanted to amount to something other than a sack of trash I would have to learn how to be prepared. Then Colonel Jones finished the rest and he actually let us out early. The day was not a total loss.

Tori came over and gave me a consoling hug. I loved my sister so it was nice, but I couldn't help feeling a little annoyed with her, as I sometimes did when I got my butt chewed. After all, it was her fault that I was in ROTC in the first place. Tori is two years older than me and was graduating this spring. She thought it would be cool if we could both do something together in school. I thought it was a neat idea, so I said we should both do the musical together. She said she would (which was a surprise because she doesn't really like being on stage) only if I did Air Force ROTC with her. She had this pipe dream about becoming a fighter pilot, but hey more power to her right? I really don't know what I was smoking but I agreed. So now the musical was over and here I was, still stuck in ROTC. I still haven't mastered the `think before you act' moral.

Anyway Tori told me she couldn't meet me for lunch because she had a project to attend to. I was to be eating by myself. Most of my friends were a year younger so they didn't have lunch the same as me. So I walked first to my locker, thinking about my father. He would beam at Tori and her good inspection and then laugh with me about mine. My dad being currently employed in the Army ate this stuff up and would no doubt reiterate the lecture about being prepared. I started to whistle, as I always did when I was thinking. My whistling never mirrors my mood, so for some reason I was whistling "Some Enchanted Evening" from South Pacific. I was jolted back to reality by a voice behind me.

"You sure are cheerful for someone who just got his lunch eaten by the Colonel!" I turned to see someone from my squadron that I didn't know, he looked familiar though. He was a little taller than I, maybe 5'6" and was smiling.

"Yeah, well, it sure brightens your day," I sarcastically replied. Then because I was feeling better I looked at his shoes (we were both still in uniform) and noticed his were a little scuffed.

"Your shoes aren't looking very exemplary, Cadet," I said.

"What?" he said looking at his shoes "Oh, them, well I guess I just get away with more. Anyway I'm Scott" he said holding out his hand. He pronounced I'm' like Ahm' like most of the Texans in the school, though it was a little more refined. His accent didn't grate on my nerves.

"I'm Jared" I said, shaking is hand.

"You don't sound like you are from around here." It was a question.

"No, I'm not, my dad's in the Army and we just moved here last fall."

"Your dad's an Army guy? It must run in the family then."

"I hope not, I `m just doing ROTC because of my sister."

"Tori? She's a real looker isn't she?" Then he blushed because he realized he was talking about my sister to me. He smiled again, a sort of self-conscious smile but it was nice. The smile was contagious because then I smiled.

"I'm sorry." he started to apologize.

"Don't be, I'll tell her and she'll feel flattered" I turned and did my locker combo, and a note fell out. It had my name on it with lots of heart stickers. That would be my girlfriend Emma. She was sweet but could be embarrassing at times. Scott noticed and raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. I just shrugged and shoved it in my pocket. He smiled again. I don't know, there was something about him for my mood was much better. I mean, I am never really down, but now I found myself not really worrying about my shoes or the Colonel. Then he started speaking again.

"I'm going to lunch right now, do you have a class?"

"No," I said "in fact that was where I was going right now,"

"Cool, lets go then, I'm starving!"

We had both packed our lunches, so we didn't have to wait in the cafeteria line. We sat down facing each other, in the corner of the room, him eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and me eating a corned beef one. He looked off into space for a second, and I got a chance to study his features. He had dark blonde hair, it was cut short but not in a buzz. He had nice features with a kind look to them. He was good-looking but not sultry. Even when staring at nothing his face seemed open and honest. It was his eyes that were really neat though. They were green, in that they weren't brown and they weren't blue. They were bright and very compassionate. I felt very relaxed and comfortable with him. He suddenly turned and noticed me staring at him.

"What?" he said, "do I have something on me?" He scanned his shirt to check to see if he dropped any crumbs on it.

"No," I felt sort of embarrassed, "I was just staring." And then before he got a chance to ponder what I said I changed the subject.

"So, why are you in ROTC?"

"Oh, I don't know, I thought it would be cool, besides, I always had this pipe dream of becoming a fighter pilot or something."

Interesting coincidence. "That's funny, so does my sister." I said.

"She sounds pretty cool."

"She is, we really get along." Was he just getting to know me to meet my sister? I decided that wasn't the case. "What grade are you?"

"I'm a sophomore."

"Really, me too!" I said.

"I know, we're in Trig together," he said.

"Oh," I knew he looked familiar, "How did you do on your quiz?"

"I got a 98!" he said proudly.

"Well, maybe we could study together or something because I only got an 85" I said.

"Cool, when?"

I was feeling bold besides, I was really starting to like him. "How about tonight then?"

"Can't, I got Scouts," he said.

"Oh, yeah, me too, wait a minute," this would be too much, "what troop are you?"

"512, over at the Methodist church."

"No way! I go to that one too, but I don't ever remember seeing you though!"

"I haven't been going lately, I've been behind in school work. How about you bring your trig to the meeting tonight and we can work on it together, there is always a lot of free time."

The conversation drifted then. I found out that he had lived in Texas all his life and how he was really interested in all sorts of things from other cultures, to science, to swimming and other stuff. He also collected comic books so we had a lot to talk about. I was sort of taken aback by his worldliness; I had a stereotype in my mind for most Texans being closed minded, ultra-religious jerks, which I already knew wasn't that correct. It was nice to be reminded not to be closed-minded myself. Talking with him was like getting a breath of fresh air, just sort of nice. The time flew so quickly that soon I was saying good-bye.

The rest of classes went by quickly enough and I went home. I talked with my mom a bit about what a jerk the Colonel was. She of course responded that next time I should take a little more time to get prepared for it; if I wasn't going to commit myself full well to being in ROTC, than why did I even sign up for it? My mother, and the rest of the world it seems (including my sister) fail to grasp the concept that I was doing ROTC to be in a class with Tori, not because I had aspirations of a military career. My argument was that I had already spent sixteen years in the military, why would I want to spend another twenty in it. Not that I had anything against the Army, I really had good experiences everywhere I've lived, but Texas was driving me insane. My mother then reminded me we were only staying until June, and that she was sure I could survive another six months. She told me that my Grandmother was safely home and that the flight went fine. My Grandmother had come for Christmas this year because it wasn't plausible for all of us to come up to Boston to visit her. I gave her a hug and she ruffled my brown hair and then I went up stairs to my room.

I closed my door and opened the note that Emma had given me. It was a love note. It said that she had missed me over break (she had gone away) and that she would call me tonight and we could talk and how much she loved me. I sort of sat down after I finished. I felt confused. I mean, I liked her, she was nice and friendly and we had stuff to talk about, but I always felt weirded out when she talked about love and stuff. I always had trouble saying `I love you' to her, which seemed to be a requirement of dating a girl for more than a month. We started going out, when I heard that she liked me. We were both doing the musical at the time so I thought that if she liked me, than I would probably grow fond of her in time so why not ask her out? Well I had grown fond of her, but. she annoyed me at times. Kissing Emma too felt weird, her mouth was kind of cold and just felt sort of clammy. We had only kissed a couple of times though, so maybe I was missing something and would pick it up later.

Anyway I put down her note and tried to do my homework. I got through my German when my Dad came home and we had dinner. Mom and Dad talked about their days and we talked about ours. Tori briefly mentioned the inspection and tried to change the subject but my Dad picked up on it anyway. He asked me how I did and I said that the commandant gave me a demerit because my shoes weren't shined. He laughed for a while, he really loves hearing about this stuff, and then he started the lecture.

"You know son," he always used son' when he started to preach, "if you are ever going to amount to more than just a sack of shit," Dad could afford to be more colorful in his speech than the Colonel, "you need to learn to be more prepared, now I think blah blah blah." I started to zone out after that. After dinner I hurried upstairs and put on my scout uniform. It was getting small on me, but it made my biceps look bigger than they actually were so I didn't mind. Dad drove me there in the pickup and then we parted, me to go with the other scouts and him to go bullshit with the other fathers there. Dad loved Texas because he could own a pickup truck and fit right in with all the other good ol'boys'.

After the ceremony, when everyone was dividing into patrols to plan for the upcoming camping trip, I found Scott. He had just finished talking with the scoutmaster and waved me over. He looked really good in his uniform, but before I could ponder where I was going with that thought he started speaking.

"Hey, how's it going?" He asked.

"Good, I brought my Trig homework," I said.

"Cool, I brought mine," and then he just stared at my shirt for a second, "your shirts a little small on you huh?"

"Yeah, I haven't got a chance to find a new one yet"

"That's ok, it makes your arms look bigger."

Kind of funny. Anyway we got started right away on the Trig. We had a test in a week or so, so I was anxious to get started. For some reason, when he explained it, it all made sense. He was a great teacher. He would get excited and his pencil strokes would get larger and sloppier. His eyes lit up and even I started to feel enthusiastic about Math. If I paid attention. A couple of times I would just stair at his bobbing head while he was working a problem for a couple of moments. Then he would realize that I wasn't with him, and sort of run his hands through his hair and smile and I would shake my head and start to work the problem again.

We were interrupted when another scout came up and asked Scott what he was doing about the camping trip next month.

"Shit!" he swore, "I forgot to ask someone to tent with me," he stared at his shoes, "unless," he turned and smiled at me "you would."

"Um, when is it?" I asked the kid.

"February 1 through 3" the kid responded in a thick accent.

"Um." Scott looked at me with pleading eyes. "Ok."

"Cool" said Scott, "I got a tent and everything"

I wasn't really planning on going on the camping trip, but maybe with Scott it might be fun. I was one of the older scouts but all the fathers, including the scout master completely patronized me. On the last trip I went on with the Troop, one of the fathers told me I wasn't building the fire the correct way and then he started talking like he was the grandmaster guru of all fire. I hated authority.

My Dad then came by and said that he was heading home. However I was not done with trig. Scott offered to take me home since he had gotten the car for tonight. My Dad agreed and left. Scott and I finished the work maybe a half an hour later and then we left. While we were driving I looked outside my window and saw a full moon. It was beautiful.

"So where are we going on this camping trip? I asked suddenly.

"Hamilton Falls, it's a beautiful area right in the hill country." He said. However before I could inquire further he turned on the radio and a country song came on.

"Yes, I love this song!" and then he started to sing along, "if you get there before I do, don't give up on me." We got there to my house before the song ended and he turned down the volume. I opened the door and he held out his hand. I thought it was for a hand slap, but when I swung to hit his hand, he grabbed firmly with two hands.

"Take care, Jared," he said and smiled.

"You too, thanks for the ride, and I guess I'll see you at ROTC."

"Cool, till then!" and he drove off.

I walked to the door and to my room. There was a message that Emma called but I didn't feel like calling her back. I just sat down on my bed underneath my window. I stared out at the moon and thought about how I finally had something to look forward to in ROTC.

The next couple of days went well. Scott and I would meet for lunch with Tori occasionally joining us. We all got along really well and there were always things to talk about. On Friday, Tori couldn't meet us so it was just the two us eating, it was then that Emma ambushed me. I had sort of been avoiding her, and I hadn't returned her calls so I groaned when he she finally caught up with me.

"Hi Emma," I sort of smiled.

"Hi Jared" she said flatly and paused, and then the storm broke. "Why haven't you called me, why haven't you met me at my classes, don't you love me?"

The thing that annoys me the most is that Emma has a horrible tendency to get melodramatic over little things.

"I was busy.'" I said and then I shrank back into my chair.

She then completely surprised me.

"I understand honey," I hated it when she called me honey in public, "it's just that I missed you. Lets go to a movie this weekend." Just like that she went from hysterical to cute and cuddly. I still didn't want to see her though.

"I can't ." her eyes narrowed, oh shit, what can I say to get me out of this one. Suddenly Scott came to the rescue.

"We are going to be studying together." He said.

"Who are you?" "I'm sorry, this is Scott, Scott, Emma, Emma, Scott" I introduced them. "Pleased to meet you" said Scott, extending his hand. "Same here," she said shaking it, and then, turning to me "Call me sometime this weekend, Jared, ok?" "I promise, honey" I called her honey to make up. "I have to go, I'll see you later, nice meeting you Scott" she leaned down kissed me on the lips and left. I blushed. Scott clapped me on the back.

"She sure is a wild cat" he said

"She sure is," and then hoping it wasn't just an empty promise "so when are we studying together?"

"I don't know, how does tonight sound, in any case give me your phone number."

So we exchanged phone numbers and then talked about how he was having difficulty with his world history classes. Since I had already taken world history I told him that I would help and it would be a fair exchange, trig for history. He smiled at that and then we both left for our other classes.

I met up with Tori after school and since she had the car today we drove home together. We talked about our days. She mentioned that Joe Brennan, one of the running backs on the football team asked her to the valentines day formal. I really didn't like the football players, or really football in general so I was happy when she told me she turned him down. She noticed of course and told me she how she couldn't possibly go out with a guy her brother did not approve of. When we got home, Tori announced that she was going out with a couple of her friends that evening and I asked if I could go study with Scott. Study was always the right word to use with my mom because she immediately agreed and then told me to bring him over some time so that she could meet my newest friend. Dad came home shortly after and we had an early dinner. Almost immediately after I was finished the phone rang; it was Scott. We finalized plans and then he left to pick me up.

He was there shortly and pulled the car up. The sun was just setting and when he got out of the car the fading light caught his hair and surrounded his face with a crown of fire. He stood there for a second beaming his dazzling smile and absorbing the light looking all the while like Gabriel. Then the sun slipped behind the horizon and he went back to normal Scott. He was still smiling though. I smiled right back and resisted the urge to go and hug him. It was moments like these when he catches me off guard that I find myself feeling giddy. I shook it off quickly though and hopped into the car. We chatted amiably about nothing much. When we got to his house his dad greeted us. His father was a massive hunk of a man, tall, built and ruggedly handsome. He was blond like Scott but it was there that the similarities ended. He was wearing wrangler jeans, cowboy boots and a stetson (inside the house); in my minds eye the utter incarnation of Texan. Yet despite this when he smiled and shook my hand I found myself liking him. I returned the shake with a firm grip, the one thing I like about Texas, no-one ever gave me a limp-fish handshake.

"So, you're Jared, my son tells me you have trouble shining your shoes." He said.

Ha ha, so funny. "It's true, I was lucky though, I only got one demerit instead of five. Jones must have been in a good mood."

"Well you must be sick of all the `it builds character' bullshit so I'll tell you that I thought he was a prick when I met him that one time" he mused.

Wow, the respect meter just went up ten notches. Scott made impatient gestures towards the stairs so his dad just smiled and said: " Y'all better get going with the studying now." It was funny though as we were walking away I smiled back at him and noticed his eyes, they were blue, but sort of dull. It was like his smile didn't completely make it up to his eyes. I hurried to follow Scott and soon we started studying. We got a lot accomplished the first hour, but then later it deteriorated and we were just talking. I talked about some of the places I had lived. He was really fascinated that I had lived in Hawaii and asked a whole bunch of questions. I then quizzed him about what it was like to live in the same place for his entire life. He didn't talk as much. He then abruptly changed the subject to the mythology we were studying in English. Scott had apparently learned more about them then before we started doing that unit. I thought they were interesting. I said that if I could be any God I would definitely be Hermes or maybe Poseidon. He said that he would be some god named Eros. I had never heard of him before but I didn't want to look uninformed so I said that that was cool. We both agreed that Apollo was a wus. The conversation drifted and when Scott left to go to the bathroom I looked out his window. He had a nice view of the back yard and it was a pretty sight under all the stars. I noticed though that his father was just standing on the back deck. Scott came back and looked out with me.

"What's your father doing?" I asked.

"Oh, he does that some times," he paused, "when he's thinking about mom."

"Your parents aren't together anymore?" I asked, hoping that I was being tactful.

"No, my mom died when I was eight and." he paused and there was some silence.

"Gee, I'm sorry, I ." I didn't know what to say.

"Don't be, it was a while ago and I'm ok, it's my dad who never got over it"

"Oh," and then trying to fill the awkward silence I said "So, its just you and your dad then?"

"Nope, I have an older brother who is away at Texas A and M, but he doesn't come home much."

"An aggie? Goooo Longhorns!" I said.

"Take that back!" With that he lunged at me and threw a pillow at me. I didn't duck of course and took it right in the face and then fell to the ground. He helped me up and then suddenly he asked me: "Do you want to see her?"

"Who?" I was still thinking of ways to get him back.

"My mother, you dork!" he said.

"Um, ok"

So we went downstairs to his living room and he showed me a big family portrait.

"There's me, Chad (my brother), Dad and Mom" pointing at each one with his finger. Chad looked like Scott's dad but Scott looked just like his Mom. She was radiant. She had shiny long gold hair with the same sparkly eyes that Scott has. Her smile was kind and gentle and her entire face emitted this loving feeling. I could feel myself start to choke up. I always get emotional around death.

"She's beautiful, Scott" I whispered, not wanting to betray myself.

"Yeah," he agreed but then he cocked his head to one side "you ok?"

"Me? Oh sure, yeah, fine." I mumbled.

"Well, wow, its getting late, I should probably take you home."

"Yeah," I said. That was abrupt.

We didn't talk much on the ride back home until I was getting out.

"Jared?" he asked.

"Yup," I said.

"I'm glad we're friends."

"Yeah, me too, take care!" I smiled.

With that I closed the door and he drove off. I waved and then walked back to my house. Why did I feel so sad?

My dad woke me up at 9am. He loves Saturdays because it means he can dominate his children and force them to work long cruel hours in the yard. He always tickles me to wake me up and thinks it's the funniest thing. I don't agree. Here I am sleeping peacefully and then suddenly there are all these sharp jabs to all my ticklish spots causing me to spasm uncontrollably; where is the humor in this situation?

"Morning Jar, I have some things for you to do, but then the rest of the day is yours." Yeah, the last two hours of sunlight if I get done by then. "All you have to do is mow the lawn, trim the edges and wash the aerostar, come on, I made some buckwheat pancakes." Possibly the most annoying thing about Texas is that grass still grows throughout the winter months.

I slowly and carefully made my way down the stairs. While I didn't exactly love buckwheat pancakes, they weren't that bad and my father would be mortally offended if I didn't eat at least two. Tori of course was already up.

"Hey sleepy head, I already called front yard!" she said. This left me with the back yard with its red ant fortresses.

I then saw my mom in her bathrobe and gave her a huge hug. She idly stroked my hair. "What's that for?" she asked, "you still have to mow the lawn."

"I know, I still love you though." I said.

With that I had my buckwheat pancakes and then took a shower. I washed the car while I waited for Tori to finish the front yard. At least I got away with only doing the outside, she had to vacuum and do all the inside stuff on the car. When Tori was done I fearlessly strapped on my hiking boots, pulled my socks up and started on the back yard. It wasn't hot so mowing the yard wasn't that bad, even so, I mowed over the ant hills in the back and delighted in the perverse satisfaction that I took out of seeing something else suffer while I did. Dad was finished with whatever things he had planned for himself and had pulled his "I'm just going over to the hardware store for a couple minutes" stunt. We probably wouldn't see Dad until the evening. As I started to do the edging Tori and mom took off as well, to look for a dress for the Valentines Day formal. She still didn't have a date, but that's because she was probably waiting for some other guys to ask her. Suddenly it was just me alone in the house. This of course meant internet time!

My dad had just recently gotten a new computer and with that he had gotten membership with MSN. I had just discovered the wonders of free porn on the internet. I quickly got on line. I went to some of the sites that I had found to be free and stared for awhile. Even though I was still sweaty I figured I would get a good woody and then jerk off in the tub. I unbuttoned my pants to make myself a little more comfortable. I clicked on one of the links below about underwear ads and stuff, however that turned out to be off line so I clicked another link on that page. I knocked something off the desk and bent down to pick it up. When I returned to looking at the screen it had fully downloaded. I suddenly sat very still, on the screen in front of me were several beautiful male models wearing nothing but briefs and boxers. My hand quickly went to the back button but I hesitated. I could never get the chance to take a good long look at these ads when I was in the stores or shopping because someone might notice and label me as a fag. But now no one was home and I could just stare. These were some hunky men. My cock stirred a bit and began to get a little hard. I scrolled down the page there were some links below. Gay links. Almost as if my were hand were not in my control I clicked on one. As I waited for the page to load I closed my eyes. When I opened them again I was looking at two cute guys kissing each other. I scrolled down and saw a picture of one of them sucking the other ones penis. My cock surged and I started to rub it through my underwear. I began to imagine myself as one of the guys in the picture.

I quickly closed the page and signed off. I stood there for a second staring at the background my father had on the screen, blue rivets, and then I walked to the bathroom and started to draw water for a bath. As I got undressed I thought to myself `What is going on?'. But I knew. I stood there staring at my naked reflection, my erect penis brushing the counter top and I clutched my face. I was always grabbing looks at other guys, checking out their bodies in gym, thinking of ways to talk to the good-looking ones. I was good though, I always kept my penis limp, even in the shower. I had always thought that I was just curious, but there it was. I had looked at gay sex and had gotten aroused, turned on, horned up. The bitter truth that been lurking in the back of my conscience was suddenly there, staring right at me. I wanted to touch other guys and feel them. I turned away and punched the wall. How can this be me? I sat down against the wall as tears began to fill my eyes. I wanted a family and a wife and a house, I didn't want this! Yet I did. And there it was. A sense of despair began to fill in me and I sort of just let my mind wander. My hand hurt. I was brought back to the living when I felt water by my leg. I had forgotten to turn off the tub and now it was spilling over the edge. I quickly turned it off and got some towels to mop up the rest. I took a quick bath and then went to my room. I was lying naked on my bed when the phone rang. It was Scott. "Hey Jar, how's it going?" he asked. "Oh, not too bad." I did my best to sound cheerful. "Good, I sort of took you home last night before I could invite you." "Invite me to what?" I asked. "To our annual Super Bowl party two Sundays from now!" Ugh. I really hate football. "Sure! What time?" "Around 4ish." "Cool, see you then!" I hung up. I threw myself back on my bed and fell asleep. When I had woken up it was past dinner time so I just munched silently on some leftovers and thought about myself. I wanted to talk to someone, but how? My father was always pretty good at talking, but how could I talk to him without giving myself away? Maybe if I phrased it in a different way. "Hey Dad, can I ask you something?" I called into his room. I paused and waited for him to reply and then went on "what does a-" I groped around for the right example "butterfly, do if it doesn't want to be, well, you know, doesn't want to be a butterfly?" Oh my God. I cringed at my horrible analogy. "That's a strange question there," he smiled. "First of all though, a butterfly is always going to be a butterfly, there isn't any changing that, but I guess the butterfly could just try to pretend to be something else. What brought this up?" "Oh just something I read in some book!" "Well, I hope that answers your question"

"Sure does Dad, thanks a lot" and then I walked to my room. Wow, Dad's a genius sometimes, I could still have it all. Besides my drama teacher already told me I was a good actor. All was not lost!

I immediately dialed another number.

"Hi, Emma?. Yeah, I'm sorry I've been a jerk lately, its just that . Well anyway I was just calling to see if you still were available to go see a movie? . You are? That's great, I'll pick you up around 9! Cool, . yes I love (it didn't sound that strained this time) too."

The date was pretty uneventful. We saw a chick flick and it was pretty good. I felt good as I dropped her off and then came home. As soon as I got in though, my mother told me my father was angry with me about something with the computer. My heart stopped; I had forgotten to erase the history files. Oh shit. I asked if he was still awake and then went upstairs to meet my fate. I slowly turned into the computer room and saw my father standing there. Good bye life.

"Son!" he sounded pretty ticked, "What have I told you about leaving the computer and the light on!"

"What?" I was confused for a second until I figured out that I had been reprieved! God loves me, he really does. "Oh, gee, I'm sorry dad I guess I forgot."

I then got a lecture but I didn't really care, because I was safe! After a while he went to sleep and I was able to sneak in and delete the internet history files.

The next week went by quickly for me. I had a math quiz on that Tuesday and with all the studying I had done with Scott I did really well this time. On Thursday I found out that I got a 93 one point lower than Scott's score. However the gnawing feeling at my stomach continued everytime I thought about what I had seen Saturday night. I would get distracted for a while when I would read a book or talk to a friend but the feeling would always be there waiting for me when my attention returned inward. I would have to tell myself that I could still do everything I wanted but it was just going to be harder. Everything was going well with Emma, I was making an effort to be more considerate than I normally was and a lot of people commented on what a cute couple we were. This really pleased Emma. Still, I threw up at least three times that week. I was getting better though.

Friday night I invited Scott over for dinner and since there was an inspection coming up the next Monday I told him to bring over his uniform and his shoes. Dinner was great, Scott really hit it off with my mom and my Dad actually found himself getting into a conversation or two with him. Then the three of us, Tori, Scott and I went off to shine our shoes and iron our uniforms. It was fun. The funniest thing revealed was that Scott used to live right next door to Joe Brennan when he was younger. Apparently Joe used to carry a stuffed pig with him wherever he went and he was teased mercilessly about it, to the point of being called Piggy. Tori and I laughed really hard when we heard this. We talked some more about non-consequential things. Tori had finally accepted a date to the Valentine Days formal. Some guy named Elliot. I had never met him but Scott knew who he was and approved. He was a senior and was apparently a decent guy, even though he was a young republican. I asked Scott if he was going to go to the dance and he made some joke about me being interested in taking him. I blushed and replied that I was probably going to take Emma. He got quieter suddenly and replied that Dances weren't really his scene. There was a lull in the conversation and I felt silly for asking the question. Scott got up to leave and I said I would walk him to the door. When we got to his car we said our goodbyes and then he held out his hand again. I made to slap it, but when I made contact he gripped my hand and put his other one on it as well. He stared into my eyes for a second and I could see all the green sparkles. "Take care," was all he said. I went inside. I was dreaming again. I dreamt I was a beautiful Butterfly. Denial is so difficult. The next day, I didn't have to do any yard work because my dad was out of town for Saturday and Sunday. That was cool because I had the car then. I called up Scott but he wasn't home so I called up Emma and another one of my friends, Luther. The three of us went to the mall and hung out. I bought us all ice cream and we all sat just talking. Emma was going to start volunteering at the rescue mission and asked us if we wanted to help. She really is a sweet girl. Luther apparently had been getting some love letters in his locker. I had never really thought of Luther as good looking but I supposed he was. I had met him during the musical and he had already been friends with Emma. He is a really cool guy and we have a lot of fun when we hang out, but things were tense when we were first getting to be friends because he had a crush on Emma. We eventually became friends, but I still think he harbors a secret flame for Emma. So we talked about the possibilities of Luthers secret admirer. Emma thought it was this girl in her class, Melodie (only in Texas do I hear names like Melodie), who never stops talking about him. Luther thought it could be this other girl who was in his math class and I didn't know who it might have been. It was a fun afternoon. Sunday passed without a glance and suddenly I was standing in front of Colonel Jones at attention waiting for my inspection to be over with. Jones seemed to be taking an inordinate amount of time to inspect me. He tugged at my lapels, starred at my shoes and then checked my cuffs. He began to speak and his harsh expression melted a bit. "It seems cadet, that you have learned to shine your shoes and to present yourself as almost respecting of the air force ROTC," Could it be? Was I getting a compliment from Colonel Prick? Or perhaps I spoke too soon, "however it seems in your zeal to shine your shoes you have neglected to press your pants. Two demerits," 2?! "One for forgetting to press your pants and another because you have not improved since last inspection." The rest of the inspection passed in a red haze. I was furious. When he released us I stormed to my locker unable to think of anything but getting a baseball bat and beating the commandant to a pulp with it. Maybe a spiked baseball bat? "Jared?" some familiar voice called my name. I turned it was Scott followed by Tori. "Jared, don't get pissed over the Colonel," she said. "Pissed! I'm not F#&ing pissed, I am sooooo," and then I stopped speaking English, "I'm #$@& rip his $^%@ balls off! Grrrrr!" I paused in front of my locker staring straight ahead into nothingness and my anger gradually receded. I turned to see my sister and my friend staring sympathetically at me. Tori reached over and gave me a quick hug and then murmured something about having to miss lunch today. She left and soon it was just Scott and me. I grabbed my lunch and stalked to the cafeteria. I didn't talk much at first, I just sort of sulked while Scott talked about various things to cheer me up and then I just started talking. I talked about how I really worked on that stupid uniform and how he hated me and how unfair he was. Scott just kept repeating `I know, I know' but it didn't feel insincere. Finally he put his arm around my shoulders and said: "I know Jar, we'll get one of his old uniforms and burn him in effigy!" I don't know, he said it in just the right mix of humor and malicious glee that I couldn't help but laugh. Besides his hand felt warm and kind of nice on my shoulder. We just chuckled for a long time and then the conversation gradually returned. He didn't remove his hand for a while and I didn't make any effort to shrug it off. I felt comfortable and after a while I felt good again. Scott can do that for me.

The rest of the day flew by as did the week. I had to do a paper for the commandant to explain why I had gotten the demerits and what I should do to avoid getting them in the future. Like he didn't know why I had gotten them; especially since he was the one giving them to me. It was some perverse joke that he enjoyed, but still I had to do them or I would be in worse crap. It wasn't until Friday that something went wrong again. I had heard there had been some sort of accident at Industrial tech but I had heard such varied accounts that I didn't really give much thought to it. That was until I came across Scott in the stairwell. It was between classes and I had free. He was hunching over staring at nothing. "Scott?" I asked, "Are you ok?" "Yeah, . no, . I don't know?" "What's up?" I asked trying to sound cheerful. "Well, this morning Mr. Parker asked me to run an errand for him over in IT. So I went over to IT and was handing some papers to Mr. Brown when in jumped Katerina, you know her right?" he asked.

"Yeah sure, she's the Russian exchange student, the really nice one who we helped raise money for last semester. Didn't her brother have some sort of brain tumor or something?"

"Exactly! Well she was all excited because apparently she had raised enough money and he was going to get treatment for his tumor. It was great, she was soo happy that she had run in to tell her friends, I guess, the good news. So she grabbed the nearest boy next to her and started skipping around with him in circles. It was unreal, time slowed down for a second" he paused, "I'll never forget what she looked like in that one moment. She was beautiful, all smiling, her hair which had been flowing wildly around her caught the sunlight and she was dazzling. All dark brown glitters around a big smile and happy eyes. But then she slipped or something and she fell out of the sunlight. The boy flew back into someone but she landed right by the table saw. At first I thought she was still laughing but . she was screaming. Someone had left the table saw on by mistake and her left hand was getting chopped up by it. And I watched it happen, I saw all the blood."

His voice was ragged by then and he clasped his head in his hands. I didn't know what to do so I crouched beside him on the stairs and after a moment, I awkwardly put my arms around him in a hug of sorts. He immediately clung to me. I soothed his hair and tried to shush him

"It's not your fault" I said

"Don't you see," he murmured into my forearm, "I just stood there watching, I couldn't do anything, someone pulled her off and Mr. Brown ran to get the nurse, and I just stood there watching, doing nothing." He sounded bitter through the sobs.

I held him for maybe another five or ten minutes telling him not to blame himself but the entire time I felt really nice. I liked having Scott in my arms, it felt right. I stroked his head and held him tight and it felt like the most correct thing in the world. My mind began to wonder while I reveled in the warmth of his body. My hands noticed that he had muscles under his shirt, nothing huge, but lean and defined. Then I sort of felt guilty .

"So do you know what happened to Katerina?" I finally asked.

He looked up for a second and replied: "I don't know, I think she got rushed to the emergency room and they were doing some surgery, I think the school offered to pay for it."

"See, it's ok, she's going to be all right!" I was trying to sound cheerful but not fake. His look told me I failed.

"But still, I didn't do anything to help her" he said.

"Look," I said grabbing his face so as to meet his eyes, " sometimes you just freeze up, no matter how much you want to do something, anything, you just can't, and it's ok, it's all right. Scott everyone does this, you're not some wus because you didn't do anything." I paused, searching his face, "all right?"

He took a deep breath. " Yeah, I guess you're right" he said.

"'Course I'm right!" I said, messing his hair up. I stood up to walk down the stairs when he called my name again. I turned and he grabbed me in a tight hug. I hesitated at first but then I hugged him back. It felt so pleasant.

"Thanks" he whispered in my ear.

And then they both die of heart attacks. The end, and noo sex! Ha Ha ha!

Just kidding avid readers, but you are still going to have to wait a little while longer before the sex, I was just getting a little kooky! -morpheus

The weekend dragged on and I did lots of yard work for my dad. He was so happy he even gave allowances! Two whole dollars! Allowances are mystical things in my households, we technically have them, but my parents are always finding a convenient excuse for not paying us. It's only when they know that they can't get out of it that they pay us. Anyway it was finally Sunday and time for the big superbowl party at Scott's house. I had mixed emotions about the entire thing, for one thing I was happy to go see Scott, but on the other I hated having to fake that I liked football.

I showed up a little late in the afternoon but no one would have noticed because there were so many people there. A lot of Scott's Dads friends, some of his co-workers and whole shit-load of relatives. Apparently the Superbowl was a big thing with Scotts family. I could already tell that this was going to be a long evening.

I rang the bell and one of Scott's ten year old cousins opened the door. Before I could say anything he promptly shut it. I had to stand there ringing the doorbell until the kids mother came down to answer the door. She apologized and introduced me to him. The kid went to shake my hand but I had already noticed that he had something on it so I just patted him on the head.

I stood in the kitchen for a while next to the snacks hoping that Scott would find me. Scotts dad found me so I guess it was close enough. I gave him a hard hand shake and then he directed to me to the back yard where Scott was. I ran outside to see Scott playing Frisbee with maybe six or seven other kids. Great this is going to be fun. So I played frisbee for a while until it was kickoff time. They somehow managed to cram forty people into his living room and almost every guy had a beer in one hand and a wife on the other. I tried to act interested but after the first quarter I went to go to the bathroom. Instead of going back though I went into Scott's room.

His radio was on and it was some country song. The strange thing was that it was a perfect 1-2-3 rhythm. It was just like the waltz from West Side that I danced. I started doing the routine without really thinking what I was doing. I closed my eyes and I started to hear the words from the song. I was interrupted by a voice behind me.

"What are you doing?"

I blushed and froze in place. "I am doing a waltz from the musical."

"Cool," He does say `cool' a lot, "Teach me how to dance"

So I taught him all the stuff I knew. He picked up the Mambo and waltz fairly quickly but he seemed to have real trouble with the Fox-trot. Finally I stopped and did something the dance coach did to me to help me get it.

I put my hand on his chest and I tapped it in time with what I was saying. "Slow, Slow quick-quick, Slow." He put his hand on mine and did the beat with me. I could feel his heart beat and he had his quirky smile on. I got distracted and I lost the beat. I tried to regain my balance but I tripped and fell. He burst out laughing.

"Here, just watch a professional do it" he said. I couldn't seem to think of a snappy come back so I just watched. And he did it perfectly. I was impressed.

"Scott that was really good!" I gushed.

"Thanks" he smiled and then got serious. He sat down right next to me and started playing with the carpet. After an awkward silence he started speaking.

"You know, that was really cool what you did last Friday, I really appreciate you talking to me. I don't normally get so emotional about stuff like that, it's just, well you know."

"Yeah, I know" I said. This had suddenly gotten serious

"I just wanted to tell you how cool that was and." He broke off, and then he looked up and smiled wanly at me. Then he started playing with the carpet again. This was weird. I felt that Scott wanted to say something to me. I thought maybe I could help him along or something, besides there was something bothering me anyway.

"Scott?" he looked up at me, "how come your brother's not here? I mean, big family celebration and your brother's not here. Especially since it's the superbowl!"

"Huh?" he stared for a second and then continued "Oh, my brother got into a big fight with my dad when my mom died, and now they don't talk much anymore. I wasn't sure Dad was going to pay for Chad's college but then Chad got all those scholarships and stuff so he didn't have to worry much." So that obviously wasn't what Scott had on his mind, but I didn't get a chance to find out because suddenly one of Scotts bratty cousins barged in and announced that the Broncos had won and everyone was leaving.

"What were you guys doing in there anyway? Making out?" Cute kid.

Monday came and went. Dad went on TDY and Tuesday was pretty boring as well. Wednesday I got the chance to eat lunch with Luther and Emma. Emma was all set to go to Glamour Shots and get some pretty photos taken of her. Luther sounded a bit more enthusiastic than I did, but at least I tried. Luther still hadn't figured out who his secret admirer was but he said he was taking Melodie to the Valentine Formal and was going to confront her with the notes there. We got into an argument of sorts with me thinking it was stupid because he could hurt her feelings and him saying that he would get lot's of play' because she would be so embarassed. Emma stayed out of it as usual and just laughed when Luther talked about getting some'. Then Luther asked me a question.

"So where have you been all this time anyway? Emma and I, we hardly see you anymore what have you been doing?"

"Well," I replied "I have been hanging with a new friend of mine, a kid from ROTC, you know Scott? Emma you do, right?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, that boy you had to study math with." She said

"Yeah him, he`s really cool. I should get him to hang out with us one of these days. He is really funny, and he's cool too but he's also a nice guy. You know, someone who'll go out of their way to be kind to you. And another thing-" I just went on and on, I was gushing and I didn't even realize it.

"Whoa!" said Luther "Almost sounds like you're in love with this guy!" And then of course he started laughing because he always found his jokes extremely funny. I laughed too but then I started choking and I just couldn't stop. After a while Luther stopped laughing and Emma grew real concerned. She started slapping me on the back. I saw stars, actually they looked like . butterflies. Finally I stopped choking.

"Oranges, they'll get you everytime!" I joked, but it wasn't half as funny because I was wiping bits of orange pulp off my chin and chest.

The rest of the day I couldn't stop thinking. `Almost sounds like you love him' and of course it was so true. That's why I choked, because I was in love with Scott and I had not admitted it to myself. I didn't know what to think of that. Are people really this stupid, or was it just me?

Before I knew it Friday had arrived and I had completely forgotten about the camping trip. That is, until Scott called me up and told me he would pick me up in thirty minutes. Luckily I am a quick packer. I had been on enough camping trips, that I knew what to bring. I was sitting waiting on the front step with my pack and and my walking stick next to me when he pulled in. He was wearing a red bandana around his neck and he looked so cute that my heart surged a bit in my chest. I couldn't resist ruffling his hair when I got in the car but he just smiled. We met up with the rest of the troop and then we headed off. Luckily I got to ride with Scott and not with the rest of the Dragon patrol who were all at least two years younger than me. When we finally got there we learned that we had to hike two miles to the campsite. The campsite itself was a good half-mile from the actual falls.

The stars were out and they were so clear and piercing it took my breath away. Scott and I volunteered to take the back of the line, making sure none of the stragglers were falling behind too much. I was afraid that the kids would just blabber but the immenseness of the place made everyone quiet. There was a cool breeze, but it wasn't chilly, it was just right and fresh too. Every now and then an animal would make a sound and everyone would stop and try to see it. It was gorgeous country and it reminded me of just how insignificant I was. All my little problems and worries seemed to have melted away that night and it was just me and the land. I would get this feeling whenever I went camping, but it was nice to remember it and feel free and wild.

We finally made it to the camp and Scott and I set up our tent. However the spell didn't break and when everyone was done setting up our scoutmaster made a big fire and the entire troop gathered around. Some of the parents told some old scouting stories and one of the assistant scoutmasters broke out the guitar and started playing some songs. I started singing, and at first I was a bit embarrassed because I was the only one singing but then some more boys joined and soon the entire troop was singing along. I didn't feel annoyed with the parents or the younger guys, I just felt very comfortable. In my experience, when I go camping sometimes when there is a fire and a beautiful starry night, a warm sense of camaraderie develops among everyone. This is what we all felt. Finally we all retired to our tents and I spoke my only words to Scott for the entire evening when I said goodnight.

The next morning most everyone was up already. Me being the late sleeper I was, Scott was already outside with one of his Peak 1's trying to get a flame going. I stepped outside and looked around for a nearby tree or bush. After I had relieved myself I went back to where Scott was. He was making some of those instant eggs and was munching a donut that he had stolen from the wolf patrol. He gave me one and I broke out my mess kit. One of the boys from my patrol came over and told me that breakfast was ready but I told him I was already taken care of. He frowned at that, because our scoutmaster had always made a big deal about doing things as a patrol, so I told him not to worry, that I would collect wood for tonight's dinner. I think he was most worried about me not having to do any of the chores so he was relieved and went away.

I have learned long ago that during scout camping trips, not to eat what I didn't personally prepare and since kp duty is such a pain in the ass, I always was prepared with MREs. `Meals Ready to Eat' were one of the few good things the army has ever developed. All I need to do is boil the entr‚e bag and voila! Instant dinner. I steal them from my dad who always seems to have a stash somewhere; just incase there is nobody home to fix him anything to eat.

So I ate my corned beef hash while Scott ate his scrambled eggs and we talked about camping stuff. It was nice, afterwards we brushed our teeth and decided to go on a hike. Most of the rest of the Troop was going on a nature tour with the patrol leaders but we decided to skip that.

It was a nice hike. When we returned, one of the boys was trying to light a fire. He was doing a good job of it too, however one of the parents had come over and started to lecture the kid on how to light a fire. My hackles rose.

". you see what you really need to do is build a log cabin, with a log cabin-"

I cut him short. "Actually sir, I think he's doing a fine job of it. I myself find that the teepee method is pretty good too." There, I was polite but I also stood up for the kid too.

"Well I reckon so, but-" I cut him off again.

"There, he's already got a fire going." I said as the kid started fanning a flame. Ha! Take that evil grandmaster guru! When the adult finally left the scout turned his head up and looked at me.

"Thanks," was all he said.

"Anytime" I replied. Maybe I did have something in common with the rest of my patrol.

The rest of the afternoon everyone went swimming. Hamilton Falls was once part of this massive under ground river system but apparently during the last thousand years or so the caverns had collapsed forming a deep basin. The falls spilled from a height of forty feet into the basin. Everyone had to follow a steep path down from the top or go around to the other side and hike down to the beach area. I had forgotten my bathing suit so I went off and read a book under the shade of a juniper bush.

Scott found me and asked me why I wasn't going swimming. I told him that I didn't have a swim suit and he winked at me and promised that we would go skinny- dipping later. A chance to see Scott naked! That sounded very interesting. Of course it would be difficult for me. Not that I was self-conscious or anything, I just didn't want to spring a hard-on while I was around him. As it was I was having a tough time going to sleep with him only a foot away from me.

I had completely forgotten about his promise until later that night. We had already had dinner and the traditional game of capture the flag was winding down. Most of the boys were going back to their tents to sleep and the scoutmasters were already out of sight. I was walking back to the tent when Scott ambushed me. "Are you ready to go skinny dipping?" he asked. I guess it was then or never so I agreed. We walked quietly toward the falls area. It was still pretty warm so I didn't think I was going to freeze. Suddenly when we were within a couple hundred yards of the falls Scott took started running. "Race ya! Last one in the water is a loser!" I took off after him. We both started stripping as we ran towards the edge of the falls. He was still ahead of me by the time we reached the path leading down to the beach area. He was going to beat me, unless. I stood at the edge of the falls and took off the rest of my clothes. Naked and covered in goose bumps I glanced over the edge, suddenly it seemed like a thousand feet instead of forty. Still for some reason I wanted to win this silly competition. I took a deep breath and jumped with all my strength off the edge of the falls. For one beautiful, pristine second, time stood still. The moonlight reflected off the water, a breeze caressed my body, and I was flying through the air. Then the moment shattered and I was hurtling towards the surface of the water. I managed to tuck myself into my best swan dive before I broke the smooth water of the pool. Suddenly I was surrounded by dark chilly water and I could not stop going down. After the initial shock my body acclimatized. There was no light, no sound and for a couple terrifying moments I didn't know which way was up. I couldn't breath, my lungs were on fire. I thrashed around, the water stinging my eyes, as I tried orient myself. I forced myself to be calm for a second and tried to relax. I started feel one side of my body start to rise. I looked to my left and I saw the faint glittering of the surface and starting swimming towards it. I got closer and closer but it seemed eternally out of reach. Finally when I didn't think I could swim anymore I broke the surface and took a huge breath. I was alive and it felt great! I shouted out loud. "Woooo Hooo!!!" I looked over to where I thought Scott would be at the beach. He wasn't there. Hmmm, I scanned the path along the edge and he wasn't there either. Suddenly something landed on top of me and shoved me under. When I came back up spluttering Scott was still on my shoulders trying to push me under again. "You jerk! You could've been killed! Didn't you stop to think about rocks under the surface?" He shouted in my ear. I hadn't thought about it, and was about to reply when he dunked me again. This time I inhaled a lot of water this time. When I finally returned to the surface I was coughing and gasping for breath. Scott suddenly got concerned. He put his arms under my armpits and helped me stay above water till I regained my breath. I felt his chest rub my back and I relaxed a little into him. Of course then we started to sink so I broke his embrace and swam under. This time I swam under him and grabbed his legs and gave them a swift yank. He still had his socks on. By the time he surfaced I was a couple of yards away from him and out of imminent danger of getting dunked. "How come you still have your socks on?" I asked.

"Because I hadn't finished undressing when you decided to dive from the cliff, I jumped in after you expecting to find your dead body floating somwhere."

"I'm still here though, and I won the race, guess you're the loser!" I splashed some in his direction. He didn't say anything, just charged after me with that wonderful grin on his face. He relented when he didn't catch me, and after a while we just sort of swam around. We had a contest to see who could hold the handstand longer and for some reason I kept losing. This also meant that I got see his bottom end without him knowing. He had a cute tush. After that we got a little cold and climbed out onto the beach.

It was a full moon and its bluish rays reflected off the water on his body in such a way that he looked like he had been dipped in silver.

"What's dipped in silver?" he said with a smile.

"Oh," I fumbled (Oh Shit!) "just sort of everything"

"Yeah," he agreed. We ended up laying down side by side talking about everything, while we absorbed the moons rays. At one point he sat up.

"You know Jared, I think sometimes the world is so dumb"

"How so?" I asked.

"I don't know it's just like society sometimes keeps people from being happy or from doing what they want to do" he said

"Sort of like arranged marriages? When peoples parents force their children to marry someone who they didn't love?" I was hoping I was being helpful. Something started to tickle my foot, but I ignored it because I was so intrigued by what he was saying.

"Exactly! People should love who they want to love and not be told that is wrong, because you can only be yourself! Right? They always said be yourself and you'll be happy, right?" he looked at me for agreement. There we go again, that inescapable fact about being who you are.

"A butterfly can only ever be a butterfly" I murmured, quoting my dad.

He looked straight at me with his beautiful sparkling eyes. "I knew you'd understand Jar." He grinned at me and I couldn't help but grin back. However suddenly his eyes darkened for a moment and he turned his head down. When he looked back at me he had an agonized look on his face.

"Scott, what is it?" I asked.

"Jared I wanted to tell you-" Suddenly pain erupted all over my feet and ankles. I screamed out loud and looked down there. Millions of fire ants were covering my legs and were working their way up my thigh. I couldn't do anything I was paralyzed by all the little stings I felt. Scott immediately started brushing them off my leg but there were so many that it wasn't doing any good. They started to bite his hands too. He stood up quickly and hoisted me up on his shoulder. Together we ran for the waters edge. I could feel them getting closer to my inner thigh but I made it in the water quickly enough that they stopped and just curled up and floated away.

I caught my breath and relaxed a bit in the water. The stinging sensation gradually went away to be replaced by a throbbing sensation in my legs. I made sure there weren't any ants on the shore and I got out of the water to inspect myself. My legs were covered with little red lumps that throbbed as well as itched. My left leg was especially hard hit and I had trouble walking on it. Scott came up next to me and I saw that his hands were pretty swollen too.

"Lets go back, I think I have some sort of salve in my first aid kit. If not we can always wake up the scoutmaster." I said. He just nodded dully and I started limping towards the path. I paused for a moment when I realized he wasn't with me. He had been staring at me but then just shook his head slowly, bent over to pick up his clothes and trotted up to meet me. Gingerly he came to my side and put my arm around his shoulder. Together we walked up the path to where my clothes were. We put on our shorts and under wear and carried our shirts around our necks. I didn't talk much as we walked back to the campsite and he didn't talk at all.

At the tent I found the salve and applied it. I handed it to Scott who used it and then returned it. My legs felt better but I still knew it would ache tomorrow. Scott muttered a good night and fell asleep quickly on his sleeping bag. As I was falling asleep I couldn't seem to shake the feeling that I had lost something. I had been on the verge of a breakthrough with Scott but then I had blown it. I looked down at his face, serene and peaceful in slumber and I wondered what was troubling him. Without thinking I reached down and brushed an errant lock from his face. Then of course I remembered myself and laid down to sleep

The next morning we broke camp quickly and left before noon. I didn't get much of a chance to talk with Scott and then suddenly I was home. Apparently he had to go home for something quickly so another scout father gave me a ride home. I told my family all my adventures, omitting of course my little skinny-dipping escapade, and was promptly put to work washing the car. It was then that I started to plan my revenge on the ants.

That weekend seemed to mark a change in Scotts attitude towards me. At first he seemed fairly normal but then as the days went by he seemed to distance himself from me. He wouldn't pat me on the back or slap my hand. He didn't seem to smile as often and our conversations remained on a polite superficial level. It was starting to bother me because I began to miss him. I still saw him enough but he stopped calling and we didn't study as much.

About a week before the Valentines formal, inspection time came up. I called up Scott to see if he wanted to come over like before and we could work on our uniforms and maybe I could ask him what was bugging him. He refused, he had some excuse about watching one of his little cousins but when I offered to come over after I was finished he declined again with another silly excuse. I hung up the phone and felt a lump form in my chest. What was going on with my friend? Consoling myself by thinking that I didn't need his help anyway I pressed my pants and shined my shoes.

I actually passed inspection without a demerit, of course I didn't get a compliment either but at least I didn't have to write a paper. I was so elated that I almost didn't notice that Scott didn't join me for lunch. Tori did and we talked. She told me that Joe Brennan had been making some passes at her but she had turned him down yet again. I asked her when I was going to meet Elliot and she told me that I was just going to have to wait until the Valentines formal. Plans were made and flowers were bought and suddenly the Valentines formal was upon us. I hadn't seen Scott in an entire week except for twice at lunch time. He was always distracted and I never got a chance to talk to him, he also wouldn't return my phone calls. I was convinced that I had offended him some how, but how could I apologize if I never got more than thirty seconds with him? I decided that I would somehow make things right after the formal but until then I would try to enjoy myself. Emma arrived at my house around five and she looked beautiful. She was dressed in a red satin gown that framed her formidable figure nicely. She had her brown hair done up on the top of her head along with some red flowers with only a few strands hanging down. It was a very lovely combination and I felt a sort of pride that she was going out with me. She came up and kissed me lightly on my lips and then we headed to the backyard. Elliot had already arrived and he and Tori were taking pictures already. I had just gotten the chance to meet Elliot and so far I liked him. He was tall and slender with dark hair and thin wire frame glasses. However he was anything but dorky. His piercing blue eyes added to his maturity and made him seem masculine in a refined way. He was friendly with me, and his voice had a warm tone to it. Actually I looked at him and saw the person I wanted to be: tall, mature and successful. By successful I mean that he had already been accepted to Rice University with some sort of scholarship.

After pictures we entered different cars, I got my parents sedan since Elliot already owned his own car, and we went our separate ways; we were sure to meet up again at the formal. Emma and I met up with Luther and Melodie at an Italian restaurant. It was a pleasant evening and Melodie turned out to be a sweet girl. My fears that Luther was going to do something unbecoming were assuaged when we were in the mens room. Apparently he didn't think she was the one who was writing the notes. Of course that meant that Luther was confident that he wasn't going to need them. Luther was such a gentleman.

I had some sort of alfredo with chicken that sank to the bottom of my stomach like a pair of cement boots in the Hudson River, but everyone else's meals were satisfactory. After dinner we headed over to the school for the dance. It was someones bright idea to do a retro-theme' or something so when we arrived 70's music was blasting from the gym. We all ran in and started dancing to jungle boogie'. It was fun.

There were the usual amount of drunks and such, but nothing exciting happened until Joe Brennan tried to get a little too familiar with his date out on the dance floor. He kept reaching up her skirt and she kept protesting. This kept escalating until he finally grabbed her and ripped one of her dress straps. Everyone tried to pretend not to notice but they were all watching. Something about that pissed me off and I started walking towards Joe until I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Elliot.

"Here Jared, let me handle this" was all he said. I remained where I was and watched as Elliot walked up to Joe and confronted him. There was a collective intake of breath as words were exchanged. Joe and Elliot were about the same height but for some reason Elliot seemed to tower over him. For a terrible moment I thought that they were going to fight. But then I guess Joe decided it wasn't worth it and just stomped off. He stumbled a bit by the door, but I guess that was because he was really drunk.

Tori came over and helped Joe's date up and Elliot put his jacket around her. Then, almost as if on cue, the DJ started playing YMCA and everyone started dancing like nothing had happened. I was insanely impressed with Elliot though. I turned around to see where Emma was and then I ran over to her.

"Did you see that?" I asked.

"That Elliot sure is something, but you Jared," she said with a dazzling smile, "you were going to walk over there and try to do something weren't you?"

"Yeah," I said, fumbling around trying to think of something.

"It's ok," she stood on her toes and whispered in my ear, "I'm proud of you!" and then, before I could react she kissed me. Right in the middle of the dance floor while everyone else was dancing to the village people. However it wasn't one of her short kisses, it was one of those long face-sucking kisses where she stuck her tongue down my throat. I didn't react at first because I was so shocked, but then I figured that I should probably kiss her back because I didn't want to look retarded in front of everyone. The kisses still felt weird though, kind of wet and clammy. So I returned the smooch and waited for it to gradually die and for her to disengage.

Then she did something, she had never done before. She slid her hand up my thigh and grabbed my crotch. I was so surprised I opened my eyes, which had previously been shut. And out of the corner of my eye guess who I should see but Scott! I made eye contact with him for one second but then he ran out of the gym. I tried to follow him, but my face was still attached to Emma's. Quickly I disengaged.

"Emma, I gotta go, I'll be right back, I promise!" I said hurriedly.

"Ok" she said, but she gave my crotch another squeeze before she let go, "I'll be waiting".

I ran into the foyer area but he wasn't there. I checked the hall and then I ran outside. I saw a figure slowly walking towards the parking lot.

"Scott!" I called out his name and he slowly turned around. He turned and then kept on walking. I called his name again and ran after him. Out of breath I finally caught up to him.

"Scott, wait a bit" I panted, "I didn't know you were coming?"

He just smiled slightly at me. He had that distracted look on his face again.

"Look, Scott" I said, trying to take advantage of the opportunity "What's been going on with you? I haven't seen you in the last week! You don't return my phone calls, you don't talk to me anymore. It seems like forever since the camping trip. You don't," I paused because I was getting a little emotional "you don't want to be my friend anymore! Is it something I did? Well I'm sorry?" I sort of whined the last word and I cringed at bit.

He looked up at me with these emotion-laden eyes and my heart went out to him.

"Jared, I." his voice broke off and he stared at the ground

"Come on Scott, tell me, what is it? I'll understand." I said.

He gave a little laugh and turned away. "You can't understand, just go back to your girlfriend!"

"Scott!" I screamed after him. I hurt, why was he not telling me what was bothering him? Why didn't he like me anymore? I didn't run after him this time I just stood there, watching his back. "Scott you asshole!" That of course did not make me feel any better and after standing out in the night by myself for a couple of minutes I wandered back in to the dance. My stomach felt queasy and I was trying to fight back the tears. I headed towards the bathroom. Luther caught up with me and we entered together.

"You look a little pale," he said and when I just smiled wanly he continued "Man, this Melodie chick, she is really digging me! I think I'm getting some tonight!" He took up a position in front of one of the urinals and I went to the sink and tried to splash some water on my face. "And you know what?" I managed a weak "what?" "Emma could not stop talking about you tonight. I saw that little feel she copped you out on the dance floor. I think tonight, you are going to get your first ever blow-job!" That did it. I threw up. Not just a little bit of spittle, I started up-chucking copious amounts of Alfredo along with the rest of my half-digested meal. For some reason the idea really repulsed me.

Luther grew concerned and asked me if I was all right. I wasn't of course and I really couldn't conceal it either. Luther helped me out and after apologizing to Emma for being a horrible date I drove home. She was more concerned than anything else so I felt better. By the time that I had gotten home my parents were already asleep so I crept quietly up the stairs, brushed my teeth and went to sleep.

The next morning I called Scott's house in a last attempt to try and make peace, he wasn't home so I left a futile message. I gave my parents the usual BS about having a wonderful time and I didn't tell them about my upset stomach. Tori came back later on that day and we talked. She told me she was officially dating Elliot. I gave her my blessing because Elliot was truly a nice guy. The rest of the weekend passed in a blur much like the rest of February.

I didn't talk to Scott for the rest of the month. I stopped trying to call him, and he wouldn't even make eye-contact with me in ROTC. It hurt, deep down inside me I felt hollow inside and for a while I grew despondent. My grades started to slip and I didn't hang out with my other friends as much. I would go to school, come home and attempt to do my homework and then just sit on my bed. I dreamed of Scott occasionally but he was never there when I woke up. Finally I decided that I couldn't go on living like this and I resolved to work harder and make more of an effort not to dwell on Scott. I actually hung out with Elliot every now and then and we became pretty good friends, but there was always the understanding that he was my sister's boyfriend more than my friend.

It was March suddenly and the bluebonnets had erupted all over Texas. Almost overnight the landscape grew much brighter with the addition of thousands of the beautiful wild flower. Finally on a fateful day in March, everything came to a head.

My relationship with Emma had suffered as well during my withdrawal from the world. It was now at a point where our only interaction was at school in the hallways between classes. I didn't seem to notice so I didn't even see what was coming. It was a Friday and most of my morning classes had gone smoothly so I was feeling ok when Emma glided into the cafeteria and sat down next to me. She had a troubled look on her face and even in my dazed state I knew that something was up.

"What's wrong?" I asked, innocently enough.

"Jared, I should really be asking you that question. What's wrong with you? Ever since the Valentines formal you have not been yourself. You won't tell me, you won't tell anyone. Are you ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I said, slightly annoyed.

"Well Jared, if that's it.," she took a deep breath "I want to tell you first that I deeply care about you, and you'll always be a close friend of mine but I can't go on like this. If I have a boyfriend I want a boyfriend who likes me and more than that, wants to be with me." She paused again, "I'm letting you go Jared, I'm sorry but you won't let me in and there is nothing else I can do-"

"You're breaking up with me?" I cut her off.

"Yes, please say you understand." She pleaded.

"I can't believe you're breaking up with me." I said, still not comprehending.

"Oh Jared-" she reached out to touch my face but I backed away and stood up.

"I gotta go," I mumbled and left the cafeteria. After a moment I turned and walked back in to see if I could talk with her, but she wasn't there anymore. I walked back to my locker in a foggier daze. She broke up with me.

After school I was walking with Luther back to his locker by the gym. He was consoling me and I was getting a bit angry that she dumped me. It was a false anger but it got me in trouble anyway. We turned the corner and there was Joe Brennan pushing some kid around, one of his football cronies was standing a short ways a way. As fate would have it Joe's locker was right next to Luther's.

"Hey!" shouted Luther, "what's going on?"

Joe turned around, but didn't let go of the kid. I recognized the boy, his name was Matt, he was one of the few freshman who had been in the show. "Why don't you go mind your business, I gotta teach faggot-boy a lesson."

"What?" I shouted.

"Look Mitler," I guess Joe knew who I was, "Faggot-boy here wrote me a little love letter and I caught him putting it into my locker, now go fucking mind your own business!" His friend took a menacing step towards us. I couldn't believe it. Matt had been sending the love letters to Luther all along and Joe must have seen him do it. Oh my god!

Luther must have figured it out too because he started to shout at Joe

"Look Joe, the letter was meant for me not you, leave the kid alone!"

"What, are you a fag too?" and too emphasize his point he slammed Matt into a set of lockers. This was bad. Luther started to back up and he grabbed my shoulder.

"Come one, we'll get a teacher or something to stop him"

But the injustice of it all, why were gay people always persecuted? combined with my anger over Emma and my despair over Scott caused me to snap. And I snapped!

"Joe, why are you such a pig fucker?" I shouted as I stepped towards him. He was so surprised that he stopped pushing Matt and looked up at me.

"What did you just say?" he asked. Luther jumped behind me. "What are you doing?" he hissed. I just ignored him.

"What are you deaf? I said `why are you such a pig fucker?' You fuck pork! Do you understand now?" I could hear Luther swear behind me.

Joe started walking menacingly towards me. "You better run now Mitler before I beat the shit out of you." I should have run then, Matt was free and he had run down the other end of the hall, but for some reason, when I start talking shit I just can't stop.

"Big words from a pig fucker! But I guess you are what you fuck, right Piggy!?!"

He stopped two feet in front of me almost physically stunned that I had called him Piggy.

"No one calls me Pigg-" I punched him in mid sentence. One to the gut, my favorite sucker punch and then another quick one to the nose. He stepped back reeling. What was that saying about bullies? Once you punch them in the nose, it is supposed to be all over. Like they're supposed to start crying or something? Sadly for me this was not the case.

He lunged for me and slammed me up against a locker. My head hit and made a loud thud, and my vision swam from the impact. He made to swing at me again but I managed to dodge just in time. He was about as clumsy a fighter as I was, unfortunately he was about twenty times stronger than I was. I went to jab him in the kidney and I connected. As I swung I got a chance to look at the crowd that had gathered around to watch the fight, I didn't recognize any of them, but I swore I heard my sisters voice. Then I heard Joe grunt from the blow and I felt good! All my latent aggression and confusion were finally being released. I punched him in the face again and he grabbed me and threw against the locker again. Then he slammed his fist into my gut. I couldn't breathe and I started choking loudly. This time I really felt dazed. Joe backed away a few steps. "Stop it Mitler, just stop it!" Blood was leaking from his nose and there was this weird look in his eyes. Was he frightened? Could he actually be scared. I couldn't believe it but it just made me want to hurt him even more. "What's the matter Piggy? Scared?" I tried to move forward, but I lost my balance and fell back against the locker. "Just shut the fuck up! Shit!" Wait, maybe he was scared because I started to slide down the locker because my legs weren't supporting me. "That's enough!" said a different voice. "Brennan, you go directly to Coach Evans and tell him what happened, then you tell him that I want to talk to him. Do you understand?" "But, shit Mr-" Joe was interrupted again "Now Brennan!" He left at a run.

I looked up to see Luther and my suspicions were confirmed, Colonel Jones. My first thought was about how much trouble I was in, the second was wondering how Luther could have betrayed me like that. Colonel Jones bent over and helped me up. All the blood rushed to my head and I started to swoon. Luther rushed to hold me up on my other arm.

"All right everyone, it's all over, you're dismissed." No one wanted to argue with the Colonel and the crowd dispersed quickly. He addressed me, "How do you feel Jared?" Colonel Jones never called me by my first name before.

"I'm ok sir, just a little woozy" I said

"Well then, go to the nurse and get cleaned up. When you are feeling ok I want to talk to you so stop by office later today. Maybe your friend will help you there" He looked at Luther and Luther just nodded. "Good, I will see you soon Cadet." He nodded and turned to leave.

Luther helped me walk to the nurse. Walking helped and I didn't feel so woozy anymore, but my face and my head really ached. I don't even remember getting hit in the face.

"Damn that was something. No one has ever messed with Joe, except maybe Elliot, but that don't count. And you called him Piggy! I can't believe it!" I started to smile while Luther was talking, "Course, he did sure knock the shit out of you. Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little dizzy that's all" Thanks Luther, way to make a guy feel good about himself.

The nurse checked me out. My head was killing me, I had such a massive headache. I wasn't bleeding anywhere but I was still having a little trouble breathing. She made me wash my face and then she gave two Tylenol for the pain. She also told me to take it easy. She didn't even ask how I got to be in this condition.

Luther after making sure that I was ok, and that I would have no trouble getting home had to leave, he had a dentist appointment or something. So, achy and alone I made my way to Colonel Jones' office.

When I entered he was writing something. His office was rather dark with just the desk lamp on. There were various different pictures and awards up on the walls but everything was muted and subtle in the soft yellow light. He stood up and bade me to sit down. He still had his uniform on but seeing him writing on his desk made him look. more human. Was that possible?

"Well Cadet Mitler, to hear it the way Mr. Brennan told Coach Evans you apparently provoked him without cause and attacked him." He raised his hand to stop my protest. "It's ok Cadet, suffice to say, no one believes Mr. Brennan, however I am interested in why you were brawling with him, I didn't think fistfights were part of your character."

So he sat and listened impassively while I related my story. I found it hard to be articulate under his gaze. He had this very piercing stare that made me feel vulnerable, so I dispensed with the embellishments and kept close to the truth. Gradually I fumbled to the end and then just stared at my hands for a while. There was a long awkward pause. Finally he stood up and spoke: "Well cadet, in general I can't say I condone violence. One of the first things I hope my cadets understand about the Air Force and the military as a whole, is that our responsibility is to defend our nation. We are a defensive organization. The use of force, by any branch, is only the last measure after all other alternatives have been attempted in a given scenario." A pause. "That said, I must also recall that this nation that we are sworn to defend is a unique country which guarantees freedom and the pursuit of happiness. These are rights that men like Grant, Pershing and Patton dedicated their lives to protecting. Because there are times when those rights are threatened. Men like Hitler and Saddam Hussein would deny these rights. Those are the times that we must take a stand to protect that which we value." Another pause. "Cadet Mitler, I am damned impressed with you. You disregared any personal danger and took a stand against what you saw was injustice. Especially the way I understand this freshman to be smitten with your friend, it took a lot of balls." He paused and his look intensified "I am not about to make any sort of moral judgement, but To each his own' and To thine own self be true' have always been my policies, everyone should be allowed to pursue their own happiness'. There are always going to be bullies and ignoramuses like Joseph Brennan out there, but hopefully there will be people of your calibre around as well." With that he sat down and there was some more silence. I must say I was a bit stunned. I can't believe he said he was impressed with me along with all the patriotic stuff. And Patton? What was with military men and their love affair with him? My father had a crush on him as well. Did he also mention that he didn't care that Matt was gay? But what about Don't ask don't' tell? I was confused but I could almost swear he was telling me it was ok to be gay. But then again I probably just read too much into that one. I suddenly wanted to ask him about all the demerits and all the shit that he had given me during the past semester. "Sir-" I blurted out and then stopped. I was afraid I might spoil the moment. "- thank you." He started writing again so I got up to leave. "Don't worry about your incident with Brennan, I am sure the principal will see things my way." He said. "Thanks Colonel Jones, Have a good weekend." I opened the door and was closing it when he looked up from his desk. "You too, oh and Cadet, please recall that there is an inspection scheduled for Monday. See to it that you are prepared." He began writing again. I silently closed the door. Back at home I took a nap before dinner. Apparently Tori had filled my parents in on what happened while I was asleep. But I didn't get lectured much, from the expression of pride glowing on both their faces I could tell Tori had put a good spin on it. Dad did tell me I should be careful though: "-you never know when someone is going to pull a switchblade or a gun on you." I told him I would try to remember. After dinner I didn't feel like hanging around so I told my parents I was going for a walk. Tori caught me on the door step. "Hey Jar, we haven't really gotten a chance to talk much lately but I've noticed somethings been bugging you. Anything you want to tell me?" she asked. "Nah, I just want to go think some things through, but lately I have just been concentrating on school work and stuff." I was lying, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell anyone, even my own sister. "Well," she started " I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you for what you did. Elliot was pretty impressed too." I'll probably be walking on the golf course if you want to join me later." I said. She nodded and closed the door. Wow, so Elliot was impressed as well? I started to smile but then I stopped. If everyone was so damned impressed, why the hell didn't they stand up to Joe? Well, Elliot did stand up to him back in February but I mean . its not as if nobody knew that Joe was a bully. Didn't anyone care? Why did it have to be me or rather why did it have to be anyone? If everyone had put Joe in his place earlier maybe he wouldn't feel like he could get away with being a jerk. Besides, I had to remind myself, its not as if actually put Joe in his place. I actually kind of lost the fight. I began to wonder if I would get flak from anyone about getting the shit beaten out of me. My head started throbbing again, but by then I had arrived. The golf course stretched before me like a Dali painting, all curves and fantastical images. It was a full moon and the landscaping took on a magical look with the trees and the grass different muted shades of silver and grey. I headed towards my favorite hole, number 9. It was an elevated tee and on one side was great place to sit and lean against the grass. Number 9 was in a secluded corner of the course and was cloaked with live oaks but also afforded a great view of the rest of the neighborhood. I lay down and stared up at the moon. My thoughts drifted back over the various events of the day. I turned them over in my mind, I was still surprised with Colonel Jones and Emma. I didn't really resolve anything in my mind, but it was nice to have some quiet time to think. I was beginning to drift off when I hear footsteps behind me in the grass. Thinking it was Tori, I turned and my breath caught in my throat. There standing before me, looking all silvery and ethereal was Scott. "Hi" he said. "Hi" I gulped. "Tori, um, told me where you were. I wasn't around school this afternoon but I heard what happened and I uh, just wanted see if you were ok." He stopped. "Well, yeah, I'm doing ok . hurts a little but here" I patted the grass next to me, "why don't you take a seat?" "Thanks," he sat down, "So where did he get you?" "Here, and here" I said pointing to different places. "You do look a bit puffy," he said eyeing me. He touched the back of my head gently and when I winced he winced in sympathy. I smiled at him and he smiled back at me. Then he looked away. "So, why did you fight him?" he asked. "Why?" Funny, no one had asked me why. "Well, I really just don't get Joe.. I hate bullies. I mean, Joe has got a lot going for him, he's popular, he plays football and I hear his family is fairly wealthy. What is he lacking that he can get out of pushing other people around? Is it just because he is a big guy? So I wanted to stand up to him. I liked the image of me opposing the oppressor, sort of like Michael J. Fox from Back to the Future. You know." I stopped, my words were sounding hollow in my ears. It had been a long day and I was tired. I was tired of so many things but mostly I was tired of myself. Tired of my lies. "No, no that's not it." I took a deep breath and decided to let it out "I'm really just a coward, there are a lot of times when I walk past someone getting picked on. I pretend that I don't notice or something. I certainly didn't' punch Joe because I felt I had some moral responsibility. I really just . identified with Matt. What is so wrong about writing love letters to. to another guy?" There I said it. "How is it anyones business? Least of all Joes. I don't care if he has some stupid opinion about it, fuck him!" I took another breath, "I could just imagine how Matt felt right at that moment when Joe read the letter. Scared and alone and mortified. What if that had been me? It could have been. Would there have been somebody to stand up for me? Probably not, but I'll be damned to let that happen to someone else. And no one else would have done anything! That's what pisses me off the most, Luther was there and he didn't stop it, Joe's football buddy was there and he didn't' do anything. How is it ok to let some kid get bashed for being gay? It isn't ok, it's wrong! And no one cares!" I felt a tear slide down my cheek. Embarrassed, I wiped it off on my hand and looked down. "So that's it, that's-" I sniffled a bit, "why I fought him." I could feel that emotional lump creeping up my throat so I shut up for a bit to sort of calm down. Finally it hit me that Scott was really sitting next to me. "Scott, why did come here?" I finally asked. "Jared, I want to ask you to forgive me. I've been a real jerk lately. But I want you to know that I care about you. When I heard that you got into a fight with Joe Brennan it was like a slap in the face. It made me realise that you could've been really hurt or something and got me to thinking. I guess I always thought that I would have time to work things out and stuff. But you never really know, do you? I could get hit by a car tomorrow and never have a chance to tell you." He paused "It's funny because I always hated my Dad because he never made amends with my brother. He lost my mom forever and he should know better but he still can't call up Chad and tell him how proud he is of him and how much he loves him. I swore that would never be me." He gave a short cynical laugh, "Today I realized that I have been acting just like my father. When I saw you kissing Emma, I froze. It wasn't even jealousy. I didn't know how to react, I kept trying to tell you but I would freeze . so eventually I closed up and I tried to forget you. I have been so stupid." He had been talking to the golf course, but now he looked at me. "Jared, you're the best thing in my life and have been for a while and I want you to know that." He grabbed one of my hands with both of his, " I love you."

Silence.

He loves me? I threw my arms around him. I felt the warmth of his body. I felt his arms tremble as they slowly enclosed me and I felt them grip me close to him. I relaxed into him. I put my arm around his neck and stroked the back of his head. His hair felt silky in my fingers. I put my lips to ear and whispered:

"I love you too Scott"

We sat like that for a while with me shifting a bit to be comfortable. I felt so wonderfully peaceful there in his arms. His hands gently roamed around, carressing my face and brushing my arms. There wasn't a sound except the exhalation of breath and the whisper of the wind. Abruptly he sat up and cocked his head.

"Do you hear that?" he asked.

"What?" I said.

"Shhh!" he put his finger on my lips and stood up. As I strained to listen he started humming softly. He was humming a familiar rhythm. He turned to me and smiled.

"May I have this dance?"

I nodded and followed him up to the tee. There under the moon light, in the middle of the golf course we danced a fox-trot. We did the open conversation, a promenade and of course several under-arm turns. He led and I followed, always keeping time to the tune that he was humming. A bit awkward at first we finally got used to each others rhythm and soon we were gliding over the green. The entire time he kept his beautiful charming smile constant. Eventually the feelings in my heart exploded outwards and I crashed my mouth into his. His lips were warm and soft. Tenderly, I embraced him as I felt his velvety tongue tentatively brush my lips. We just stood there for a while exploring this new physical intimacy.

When I withdrew I looked into his eyes and took his hand in mine. It was funny, just before we turned for home a butterfly flew out of the night and lighted on my shoulder. It stayed only briefly and then fluttered away on silvery wings. We walked back to my house in silence. Every now and then I would look over at him and he would smile back. Once again the moonlight had put a spell on me, us; but this time it wasn't broken.

Back home, Tori and my parents were asleep. Hand in hand Scott and I crept up the stairs to my room. My heart was beating rapidly as I closed the door behind me. I stared at Scott in front of me and hesitated. Luckily he made the first move. He embraced me roughly and kissed me again. But it wasn't like the first kiss, it was forceful and needful and it ignited the flame of passion within me. It. well it made me as horny as hell is what it did. The blood started rushing all over my body and I felt HOT! My faced flushed.

Lustful, I crushed my body back against his, I needed to feel his heat. His hands gripped my head and pulled me into a deeper kiss. Our bodies smashed against each other, the fabric creating a rough friction that only turned me on more. He started leaning against me as his hands stroked my shoulder blades and back. I of course lost my balance and fell backwards. Luckily the bed was behind me. Our passion subsided but only for a moment. Scott looming above me like a dimly lit statue paused to look at me, as if he was just then realising what we were doing. Then he smiled slightly and slowly sat down by my feet on the bed. I sat up on my elbows to look at him. With fluid grace he reached down to his shirt hem and with one quick movement stripped his shirt off. His pale skin reflected like silver in the moonlight and the shadows outlined his musculature, accentuating his chest and abdomen. His nipples were taut and raised. I slowly reached my hand out to him. I was in a slightly awkward position so I had to balance carefully. I placed my palm on the center of his chest, his skin was warm and a bit moist from the excitement and there underneath and beating strongly was his heart. I smiled.

Then, the lust returned and he dove atop of me and ripped my shirt off. We kissed and groped in a frenetic frenzy, each of us desperate for the other. This orgy of touch continued long into the night with one hand finally snaking its way down someones pants; at which we crossed the point of no return. Eventually, after the explosion of hormones and the cleanup of the messy aftermath I fell asleep. I was too tired to really think about the days crazy events. Indeed my last thoughts were hopes that my snore would not awaken Scott.

It was Monday and I was having a good day. My first class went fine; German, what a great class, English was next. That went fine as well. Even Trig was great, I got a 95 on my quiz. But then it was time for ROTC. I was prepared though and my uniform was the most immaculate it was ever going to be. We all lined up. Colonel Jones slowly went down the line inspecting each cadet. Eventually he appeared in front of me.

"Good morning Cadet Mitler" he said.

"Morning, sir," was my reply. He stood in front me for a very, very long time. He inspected my pants, my shoes, my epaulets and every other seemingly inconsequential aspect of my uniform. Finally he looked into my eye and saluted me. I saluted back. "Looking sharp, Cadet." He said "Thank you, sir!" I smiled. Things were finally starting to go my way. And there, after class, to share in my triumph were my sister and my wonderful boyfriend!

Things continued to go my way. I finished off the last quarter of school with almost straight A's (except Trig). Luther and I became even better friends. He continued to date that girl Melodie and it really developed into something special. And although I befriended Matt, Luther and I never talked about the incident with him again. I think it was something he just didn't want to think about and while Scott and Luther hit it off will I never told him about my relationship with Scott. Brennan of course continued to be an asshole though he did keep his distance from me and didn't harass Matt again. Apparently he really was a talent on the football field because I heard he got a scholarship to play football for UT. It pissed me off but I decided not to waste any energy on it. Emma and I started talking the very next week. It began with me apologizing for being a real jerk to her. As always Emma was forgiving and soon we became friends again. By the time summer came along, I could even say we were close. I started sharing my life with Tori again and we were as we had always been, best friends. She dated Elliot throughout the school year however after she got accepted to Rice but chose Stanford the relationship got a little less serious. And Scott? Well, we had a glorious three months together. I think the fact we both knew that I was moving in the future made us appreciate each other even more. We were more forgiving to each other and seldom got into real arguments over disagreements. We went on dates to Barton Springs, San Antonio and other places. We watched movies, went hiking and of course studied' together. But finally, as all good things do, it came to an end. My father got orders in June and was assigned to TACOM in Warren, Michigan. So, on a hot, muggy June afternoon I said goodbye to Scott and headed north to Michigan and another new beginning. And Texas, that big sweltering state, filled with ultra-religious, football worshipping, close-minded jerks' kept my heart, which it had stolen in a night of moonfall.

The End.

(There, and if anyone died, it was only in the victorian sense of the word ? Comments and criticisms are welcome, thanx - Morpheus