********** DISCLAIMER: This isn't real. This is fake-- I don't know *NSync or BSB. Got that? Don't know if they're gay, bi, straight, or otherwise. If they were otherwise, that would be mighty interesting, but anyway...
Delays, delays. Writer's block sucks, 'specially when you're trying to write the last few chapters. Chapter 18 was supposed to be the end, however, the story just keeps on going, and going, and going! Chapter 19 has been started, and I will TRY to end it either with that one, or chapter 20. Keyword: try.
Thanks to everyone who's e-mailed me (Scott!), the nsyncslash list, Red, Dara, Dayse, Jayne, Joey, and all you wonderful people who are reading my story. If I've forgotten anyone, I'm sorry-- I'm an idiot who doesn't even remember her own name sometimes! Feedback (if you choose to give it) to reader_colleen@yahoo.com. My website has moved and is now found at http://www.envy.nu/colleensfic. Now, onwards!
Chapter 17: A Time To Heal
The next morning found Lance awake later than usual, although Justin was still asleep. JC was nowhere to be found, causing Lance some alarm before he heard the sound of the shower in the bathroom. He just lay back for a while and waited for JC to come out. When he did, his face was slightly pale, but he looked better than he had the night before.
"Morning, Josh," Lance said softly so as not to wake Justin.
"Morning!" JC said with a start. He obviously hadn't noticed the younger man was awake.
"So..."
"What?"
"About last night..."
"Lance, I am never going to tell Justin I heard every word you two said-- and neither are you. Is that clear?"
"But, Josh..."
"Lance, NO."
"I think you're both nuts," Lance muttered, settling back into his bed on the floor. JC let out a short laugh.
"After dealing with YOU for seven years, what do you expect?"
"HEY!" Lance threw his pillow at JC, narrowly missing the older man, but it landed on Justin, waking him up.
"WHO THREW THAT?" Justin demanded angrily. JC and Lance both pointed at each other, proclaiming their own innocence. "You're both dead," Justin growled, launching himself at JC, who doged and tripped over Lance. Justin pounced on top of them, starting an all-out war. The amount of noise soon brought both Joey and Chris running.
"What the?" they both exclaimed. Lance looked up at his boyfriend, face red and hair ruffled.
"We're wrestling," he said simply.
"No shit, Sherlock!" Lance stuck his lower lip into a pout he knew Joey couldn't resist, and was soon rewarded with a groan. "Lance, stop it." The pout grew and Joey groaned louder. "LANCE-"
"What?" Lance asked, fluttering his eyelashes, setting Chris giggling. Justin threw himself at Chris, tackling the oldest member to the ground and started giving him a noogie. Joey nearly fell over laughing, and even JC cracked a smile. Chris overthrew Justin after a while and jumped for Joey, bringing the big man down. Joey grabbed Lance, who grabbed Justin, who grabbed JC, and they all ended up in a huge dogpile. Shouts of laughter could be heard throughout the hotel rooms as the five men wrestled and laughed themselves silly. When they were all exhausted, JC scrambled out of the pile and sat on the bed. Lance joined him, leaving Joey, Chris, and Justin sitting on the floor.
"Justin." The one word brought Justin scrambling across the floor to sit at JC's feet. JC laughed softly and started playing with Justin's hair- his favorite comfort activity.
"Well, after that bout of silliness," Lance started, "maybe we should talk about yesterday." Justin felt JC tense up behind him.
"Can we avoid that topic for now?" JC asked quietly. "I don't even want to think about that right now."
"Josh, he can't hurt you," Chris said. "The police took him away yesterday."
"Chris, it's not easy to forget."
"I know, Josh. But you have to move on."
"MOVE ON?"
"Wrong choice of words, Chris," Joey muttered. "Josh..."
"I know, I know. I'm sorry, Chris," JC said with a sigh. "It's just..."
"Not easy?" Lance supplied. "I understand you, Josh."
"I assume you two will be continuing your appointments with JoBeth?" Joey asked.
"Kev said something last night about all of us getting counselling," Chris said. "That would be a good thing right now."
"I don't need counselling," Joey ground out.
"Yes, you do," Lance said tiredly, indicating that this was an old arguement. "We ALL do, Joey. Like Chris said last night, rape affects everyone."
"I'm fine."
"Whatever," Lance said, sighing. That effectively ended the arguement, so they turned the topic to other things.
"What is Backstreet doing today?" Chris asked.
"I can call," Joey offered. Four nods met his words, so Joey picked up JC's phone and dialled.
"Hey," Kevin's voice came through.
"I thought this was Howie's room," Joey said, confused.
"It is. We all stayed in Howie's room last night. Why, did you want to talk to him?"
"No, not really. You'll do."
"Thanks, Joey," Kevin said dryly. "Now, what do you want?"
"What are you guys doing today?" Joey asked.
"Hang on a sec," Kevin said, then went away for a minute. He came back after a short pause. "Brian called Lance and JC's therapist, and we're all going to talk to her. You guys want to join us?"
"Not rea..."
"Yes," Lance said, grabbing the phone from Joey. "I heard what you said, Kev. What time are you guys meeting her?"
"In about an hour."
"We'll meet you downstairs." Lance hung up the phone and turned to the others, ignoring his boyfriend. "We're going with Backstreet wo meet JoBeth in about an hour. We ALL need therapy, whether or not you think so, Joey."
"I DON'T NEED THERAPY!" Joey yelled at Lance.
"I don't give a flying fuck!" Lance yelled back. "You are going. Close your mouth, Joey- I'm not letting you out of this one."
"All right," Joey grumbled. "But only 'cause you told me to." Lance smirked.
"I've got you trained already!"
"Oh, you!" Joey laughed, all tension forgotten for the time being. Lance ran through the connecting door before Joey could grab him, and slammed it. The lock clicked into place, leaving Joey speechless.
"Looks like you're stuck with us," Chris said with a snicker. Joey glared.
"Lance, open the door."
"Nope!" Lance sang.
"Lance-"
"Joey, use the door in the hallway."
"Um, sweetie... I'm kinda underdressed to do that," Joey said, looking down at his boxers and wifebeater.
"I won't mind."
"Lance, open the damn door!" Joey was losing his patience, so Lance unlocked the door and opened it bit by bit. Once it was wide enough for Joey to get through, Lance ran out the other door, Joey following quickly. The connecting door was slammed and locked. Minutes later, Lance let out a yell, followed by a THUD. The three remaining members looked at each other and laughed.
"Somebody's gonna get it!" Chris said, laughing. JC and Justin both gave him 'looks', so he stopped laughing quickly. "I'm going to go get ready now."
"You do that," JC agreed. Once he was gone, JC and Justin looked at each other, and then broke out into laughter. Once they were over it, Justin wiped the tears from his eyes and turned to face JC.
"It's so good to hear you laugh, Josh," he said softly. JC smiled almost sadly.
"There hasn't been much for me to smile ABOUT. Nothing 'cept you." Justin blushed and JC grinned, his momentary sadness forgotten. They sat there for a few more minutes, enjoying the other's company. Just as JC got up to hop in the shower, a noise was heard from the room next door.
"What was that?" Justin demanded. They fell silent again, listening. It sounded again, and JC let out a giggle.
"That was Lance!"
"You sure?"
"It sure as hell wasn't Joey!"
"What are they doing?"
"You really want to know, JuJube?" JC asked, eyes twinkling. "I would have thought that your mother would have explained the birds and the bees to you by now. Or the bees and the bees, in their case."
"JOSHUA! That was disgusting!" Justin yelled, but he was laughing too hard to make it sound serious. JC giggled for a minute, the sobered up.
"Ju, we really need to have our showers if we're going to make that appointment with JoBeth," he said. Justin glanced at the clock and ran out of the room in a big rush. JC laughed at his friend's hyperness, and got in the shower himself.
***** JOEY AND LANCE'S ROOM:
"Joey," Lance somehow managed to moan through the haze of lust that had overtaken him. After bursting through the door, Joey had chased Lance around their room until Lance tripped over one of his stray shoes and went down. Joey was on top of him in an instant, looking very much like he wanted to devour Lance.
"Where do you think you're going?" Joey asked, lust creeping into his voice as he looked down at his boyfriend.
"If you keep looking at me like that, I'm not going anywhere," Lance said with a grin.
"You're not going anywhere, even if I stop looking at you," Joey said as he leaned down and gave Lance a soft kiss before standing up and pulling his semi-dazed boyfriend into the bathroom behind him.
"We need a shower," Joey said by way of explaination.
"I already took one this morning... WE?"
"Yes-- we." Lance raised an eyebrow, but he grinned and got naked quickly. Joey was two beats behind him and they hopped in the shower and started washing each other. Halfway through, Joey's hand started heading south on Lance's body, receiving another moan.
"Fuck!" Lance exclaimed as Joey's hand closed around his cock and started pumping. It was all he could do not to come right then.
"You like?"
"FUCK!" Lance was barely keeping himself together. Joey grinned deviously at Lance's choice of words.
"Is that an invitation?"
"You don't need one, baby," Lance got out between more moans. Joey grinned again and soaped Lance's backside before slowly beginning to push his own cock into Lance's willing body. Lance let out a loud groan and both men faintly heard a giggle.
"What was that?" Joey whispered as he buried himself deep inside his boyfriend.
"FUCK! Josh and Justin laughing about the noise, probably... Joey, oh my god..." No more words were spoken as the two men sated their sexual appetites for the time being.
Half an hour later, all nine men met downstairs in the hotel lobby. Joey and Lance couldn't look at JC and Justin for fear that one of the four would start laughing, sending them all into hysterics. For their part, JC and Justin were also ignoring Lance and Joey, trying to fight the blushes that threatened to creep over their faces.
"Where is the office, anyway?" Howie asked, oblivious to the silent semi-discomfort among the four.
"Not too far from here. I call Josh!" Justin yelled, running outside. JC followed, laughing quietly, with Brian and Nick in tow. That left Howie, Kevin, Chris, Lance and Joey for the second car. Lance and Joey fought over the car keys, which was decided when Howie grabbed them out of Joey's hand and jumped in the driver's side, locking the door behind him. Chris grabbed shotgun, so the remaining three got in the backseat. Conversation was minimal on the way to the office, only perking up when Kevin asked about what kind of therapist JoBeth was. Lance had LOTS to say on that subject, so it was mainly them talking. The arrival at the office was uneventful, and somehow they had managed to beat Justin's car.
"We beat Justin," Kevin said, amazed. Everyone laughed just as Justin's car screeched to a stop right behind Joey's. JC jumped out of the car, his face looking a little white. Brian followed and put an arm around JC while Justin and Nick got out more slowly, talking excitedly. JC and Brian made it over to the others after a minute.
"What happened?" Kevin asked his cousin.
"Justin decided to drive like he was participating in the Indy 500," Brian explained. The motion was making JC sick, so we had to stop for a few minutes. Once he was OK, Justin took off again."
"That was NOT good for my stomach," JC agreed, instinctively tightening his hold on Brian. Kevin noticed the look on his cousin's face and made a mental note to ask him later what that was all about. Together, they all walked into JoBeth's office, where she was waiting, sitting on the receptionist's desk.
"Morning!" she greeted them cheerfully.
"Morning," they grumbled back.
"How do you want to work this-- one big group or individual?"
"Group!" Lance and JC said instantly. Everyone gave them weird looks.
"I know I'll feel better if Joey is with me," Lance explained.
"And this way you can be sure I talk to her," Joey said dryly, causing everyone to laugh because it was so true.
"So group?" JoBeth asked in conformation. Nine nods met her words and she stood up. "Shall we?" The ten of them made their way into one of the larger rooms in the office and settled themselves in various places around the room. Joey and Lance were sharing one couch. Howie and Chris shared another. JC fell into a chair and Justin sat at his feet. Nick and Brian sat not far from them, leaving Kevin to sit beside JoBeth. From the look on his face, he didn't mind too much. He may have gotten married, but he sure as hell wasn't blind!
"So, what happened yesterday?" JoBeth asked for starters. JC and Lance studied the floor while everyone else just looked uncomfortable.
"We found out who raped Lance and JC," Howie finally supplied. JoBeth raised an eyebrow.
"How?" Chris smiled a little at her question. Not "who", but "how did you find out". He liked this woman already.
"He tried to rape me and Justin," JC said in a small voice. Justin stood up abruptly and motioned for JC to get up. Once he did, Justin sat down and pulled JC into his lap. Lance bit his lip to hide a smile while the others just looked confused. JoBeth's eyebrow went up again, but she didn't say anything as JC curled up slightly so that he resembled a child. They looked very much like a young couple in love, and Lance let out a small snicker that only Joey heard. Tossing a look at his boyfriend, Joey's face demanded to know what was going on. Lance just shrugged, feigning innocence.
"And?" JoBeth prompted once the room was settled again. Howie finished off the account of the events of the day before and when he was done, the entire group let out a sigh. "Wow," was all JoBeth could say.
"We thought we could all use the therapy," Brian added after a silence. "It's not easy finding out one of your best friends raped two other really good friends, and tried to rape a third!"
"I imagine it's not," JoBeth said. "How do you all feel about the fact that AJ is in custody now?"
"Relieved," Joey put in. "I know he can't hurt Lance anymore."
"Shocked," was the reaction from the Backstreet camp.
"It's just something that we NEVER expected," Nick explained. "But now that we think about it, how could we have NOT seen this earlier?"
"You didn't know," Chris said. "None of us did."
"I know, but it's still hard to accept. I mean, for the last five years, AJ did these horrible things to Lance and Josh, and we never noticed!"
"But it's over now," Joey said firmly.
"It's never over," JC disagreed. "We'll carry these scars for the rest of our lives, Joe."
"But that's what this is for-- to help the scars heal," Kevin said.
"Gentlemen!" JoBeth called as the room erupted in talk. Her single word silenced everyone. "Both Kevin and JC are correct. The scars will never fully heal, Kevin, but the therapy will help them heal a bit."
"What can we do for Josh and Lance?" Chris asked. "From a therapist's standpoint."
"Just be there for them whenever they need to talk. It seems that you have a support system for them anyway..."
"What do you mean?" Brian interrupted.
"JC has Justin. Lance has Joey. The rest of you have each other."
"But we did that to begin with," Joey commented.
"Keep doing it. It's what they need most right now is the support of their friends and families. Do your families even know about this?" Lance and JC both shook their heads, both of their faces indicating that they didn't really want to tell their families the whole sordid story.
"It's not like I can call up my parents and say 'hey, I'm being raped by someone I trust!' It's not possible," JC said. JoBeth smiled slightly.
"Well, you should tell them that this has been going on. The more you talk about it, the more the scars will heal. When are you all going back to Orlando?"
"In a few days for us," Kevin spoke for Backstreet. "Unless the police need us to give statements and stuff against AJ."
"We'll probably go with them," Chris said. "There's no reason for us to stay here, after all."
"It's probably better that we get away from here," JC mused, lifting his head from it's position rested against Justin's shoulder. "Might help us block some of this out."
"Don't block it, JC," JoBeth said. "Accept it happened and try to get over it. It's in the past, and the past can't hurt you." JC nodded and put his head back on Justin's shoulder. Justin moved slightly to get more comfortable, catching Lance's eye as he did so. Despite the seriousness of the current conversation, Lance's eyes were sparkling with restrained laughter. Justin glared across the room, causing Lance to look away. Their eye-battle hadn't gone unnoticed, though.
"What was that all about?" Brian asked Justin softly.
"Long story," Justin whispered back. Brian smiled and settled back beside Nick, sharing a fond glace with his young friend as he did. Maybe his feelings weren't what he had thought they were. The look on his face that Kevin had noticed had been him realizing something: If he was truely in love with JC, seeing him and Justin would have caused his heart to break, yet he felt nothing except the utmost fondness for both of them. It was probably just the IDEA of being in love, Brian said to himself. No true feelings. Thank God! I'm glad JC has Justin, though... they're so cute together!
"Bri?" Nick said, trying to get his friend's attention.
"Yo!" Everyone burst into giggles, including JoBeth. "What?"
"Joey asked you why you were smiling," Howie said, snickering.
"Just thinking," Brian responded, throwing his bandmate a 'you're dead later on' look.
"Don't hurt yourself," Chris and Kevin said at the exact same time. "Jinx!" they both yelled, again in unison.
"Boys," Lance drawled, rolling his eyes.
"Yes, Daddy?" both said, fluttering their eyelashes, causing everyone to start giggling again.
"I think I've lost you all," JoBeth said, laughing. "But we got through a lot, actually."
"Don't suppose you can come to Orlando with us?" Lance asked hopefully. JoBeth shook her head.
"Sorry, Lance. But I can give you the names of a couple of therapists in that area if you want."
"Please," Joey said. Lance laughed at him.
"I thought you said you didn't want therapy!"
"You told me I needed it," Joey muttered, blushing. Justin, Brian, Chris and Nick started laughing. Kevin just looked confused while JC had fallen asleep in Justin's lap. Justin tightened his hold on his friend, taking comfort in his closeness.
"It's been an hour," Lance said in wonder, checking his watch. "We need to get going. And Joey, dear, you get a treat when we get home for being such a good boy today," he drawled. Joey's face went red while everyone else laughed hysterically, nearly waking JC.
"Someone wanna help me with Josh?" Justin asked quietly once the group had settled down again. He didn't want to wake the sleeping man.
"We've got him," Nick and Kevin said. Each took a hold of JC and gently lifted him, allowing Justin room to stand. He led the way from the room, tossing a 'goodbye' over his shoulder to JoBeth. The others followed at a more leisurely pace, each giving JoBeth a warm hug, and Lance even gave her a small kiss on the cheek after she scribbled down some names on a piece of paper for him. Just before Joey escaped, JoBeth called him back.
"Actually, can I talk to you alone?" Joey shot a look at Lance, who shrugged.
"Sure," he said.
"I'll be in the waiting room after I tell the others what's up," Lance said as he ran after the other seven. JoBeth closed the door of her office and motioned Joey into a chair.
"How are you holding up?" she started. Joey sighed.
"I'm fine! Everyone has asked me that. I AM FINE."
"No, you're not."
"WHAT?"
"You can't be 'fine' with your boyfriend being raped, Joey," JoBeth said sensibly. "Unless you don't love him as much as you claim to."
"How can you say that?" Joey demanded angrily. "I love Lance!"
"Then how can you be fine with all this?"
"One of us has to be."
"What do you mean?"
"If Lance is the one who needs therapy, I need to be the one who's strong," Joey said quietly. JoBeth sighed.
"Is that how you see it?" she asked. Joey nodded. "Just because someone needs therapy doesn't mean they're weak."
"I didn't say he was!"
"But you implied it by saying that you had to be the strong one. Even the strong ones have their moments of weakness."
"But that's not what Lance needs," Joey protested.
"What Lance needs is a boyfriend who will be there for him, and who will feel the emotions he's feeling. Anger, sadness, the need for vengence. Joey, you need to be able to comfort Lance, yes, but you also need to be able to have stable emotions yourself. By being the 'strong one' you've become someone that can't help Lance because you don't understand him. It's been said before-- rape affects everyone."
"What can I do?"
"Think about how he feels. Try to be a human being. All humans have flaws, Joey, and emotions aren't one of them." Joey silently nodded and got up. JoBeth opened her door and followed Joey to the waiting room, where Lance sat.
"What did she talk to you about?" JoBeth heard Lance ask as he greeted Joey.
"She gave me food for thought," Joey responded and JoBeth smiled slightly. Maybe now they could truly get over the events of the last few days.
See, told you I'd deal with the Brian-loving-JC issue... hope I dealt with it OK. And the angst hasn't finished yet! I'm the Princess of Angst, so consider yourselves warned. For more angst of mine, check out "Scarce Heard". JC/Chris angst! K, enough self-plugging. Hope you guys liked this chapter!