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When I had a hard time, and it happened frequently, Francisco was there to listen to me and accepting my grieving. He was the shoulder I could cry on. He never, never complained and was extremely patient with me. Going back to "normal life" took me over six months. I started to write again. My editor had understood my situation and hadn't insisted too much on the second volume of the trilogy. My inspiration returned, but the book took a new turn with the death of one of the characters. It was my way to cope with my grief. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness I felt were transferred into the book. I thought that it was a kind of therapy and it actually helped.

The appreciation I felt for Francisco grew every day. I even started to miss him when he was not there. He was the one who brought a smile on my face almost effortlessly. We were that often together that I told him he should bring over some clothes so that he wouldn't have to go back to his house every five minutes. I was so happy when I saw him arriving one day with a suitcase. It was almost a year after Alex's death that our friendship took a new turn.

It was the day of the anniversary of Alex's death. Francisco, in a desperate attempt to cheer me up and making me forget what day it was, invited me to a new restaurant that had received quite good critics. He told me he would come and get me around seven and as usual he was quite punctual. We took my car. Francisco just loved the convertible and I let him drive almost each time we went out together.

The new restaurant was in the older part of town that was quite folkloric. The new place was run by a couple of Francisco's friends. The interior decoration was quite in contrast to the outside as it was super modern and minimalistic. It offered two different menus. One was pure "nouvelle cuisine" where the other was more traditional. Each evening they also offered a degustation menu where you actually had no choice as it all depended on what they found at the local daily market. What they served that night was absolutely exquisite, but I couldn't identify what I was eating. A Spanish white wine was included in the menu. The night was very nice and I almost forgot the date. When we got our coffees I looked at Francisco at saw so much friendship in his eyes that it was almost love. On impulse I took his hand in mine.

He smiled and squeezed my hand. He kind of played with my fingers and we didn't give a damn if anybody could see it. We paid the bill and went out, just wandering through the old part of town, looking at nothing in particular and to everything at the same time. Since we left the restaurant, our hands had entwined and not left the other. We held hands all the time, once again oblivious to anybody seeing it. For me it was a strange sensation. I had held Francisco more than once while I cried on his shoulder or when he held me at the difficult moment. This was different. I was not in a grieving moment although I had been thinking about Alex. We had never walked like this, openly hand in hand. Alex had never shown his emotions in public, except maybe at a party at the house surrounded by friends, but never in the street. Francisco was different. I knew I couldn't make the mistake of comparing them both, but I couldn't avoid it. They were so similar in a lot of ways...

We sat at a little terrace to have a last drink before heading home. I had the very clear sensation Francisco wanted to bring our friendship to another level and I was starting to be ready for it. Oh well, I guessed nobody is ever ready to let go of a loved one and start something new, but I sure wanted to give it a chance. Once we had our drinks, I started to be bold again.

• Francisco? Am I right to think you want us to go to the next level?

• You are your good old self again I see, he said, straight to the point. Well, let me be straight to the point as well. I am in love with you since quite some time. I won't say it was from the first time I saw you, but it was damned near.

• Why didn't you say anything? I asked.

• You know very well why I didn't say anything. You were in a relationship with Alex. I told you then that I would never interfere in any relationship even if that meant I felt miserable and unhappy. I preferred to have you as a friend than not at all. I so much enjoyed being next to you although it hurt some times to see you in another guy's arms. I respected what you two had.

• I am so sorry Francisco.

• You shouldn't. I have lived very nice and happy moments although I couldn't reach you the way I wanted. I guessed that Destiny had other plans for me. Bit by bit we built our friendship and I was happy for that as well. We got to learn to know each other and that filled me with joy. Then there was that conversation I will never forget: you and Alex inviting me into your lives and relationship. That was a real challenge. I so much wanted to give in, but I couldn't. It would not have been fair. I appreciated Alex's friendship enormously, but I was not in love with him. Coming into your lives like you suggested was going to be pure hell for me, because I would have been obliged to play a game, pretending to love you both equally. It would have been one big lie and you know how I hate lies.

• This must not have been easy for you!

• No, it wasn't, but I was determined to keep to my principles. If I had given in, I would not be honest and true to myself. From that day on I tried very hard to keep my distances and it was a real struggle. I wanted you so much. As you know, I came over to your house a few times, knowing perfectly Alex wasn't there. In some of those occasions I would have let it happen if you had made a move, but as soon as I was near you, the intentions vanished. Then Alex passed away...

He paused for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts.

• It was Tiffany who told me to hang on. She apparently knew about my feelings although I hadn't mentioned them to her. She's a very special lady! Often when you were out, sleeping, we talked for hours. She had a very strong conviction about you, me and us. Hanging on, as she said, was difficult because I still couldn't tell you my feelings for you. I knew I had to give you time to say goodbye to Alex and I have the feeling you have. Am I right?

• Yes and no, I said. I don't think I will ever be ready to say goodbye completely to Alex. He has been my man for some years and we were very much connected. I know he is not here anymore and if he had had the opportunity to say goodbye in a proper way, I guess he would have told me to go on living. I don't think he would have wanted me to shut out any other chance life would give me. But, yes, I think I am getting ready to open my mind and my heart to a new chance.

• That's what I thought when you took my hand over the table at the restaurant. Tiffany told me that life would tell me when it was ok to go a step further. She said that I had to look out for significant signs, not necessarily words. So, when you took my hand I grabbed it and I don't want to ever let it go again, if you agree of course. To answer your first question if I want to take our friendship to the next level, I can only tell you that I am already in the next level. I am just waiting for you to join me.

So, after all my intuition had been right, thinking that Francisco was in love with one of us and not both. I respected him even more for what he did: hiding his true feelings out of respect for my relationship with Alex. I realized that two of the three pillars I considered primordial in a relationship, were there: Trust and Respect. My question was now to know if I was falling for him or not. Was I able to love him unconditionally like I had loved Alex? I guessed I did. It was obvious that I was very much attracted to Francisco, but was it love or lust? I had not been sexual since Alex went, not even a hand job, but I wanted it. Yes, Francisco had held me in his arms more than once and it felt good. Did I love him? Yes, I did. Was I in love with him? There wasn't a clear answer yet to that. Did I want to go to bed with him? I certainly wanted, but then again: was it love or lust? I had to answer his last statement.

• I want to be open and honest with you Francisco, I said. As I said, I think I am ready to open up to a new life adventure. Your friendship is the most valuable thing I experienced so far, but if you ask me if I am in love with you, the answer is "I don't know". I feel comfortable with you and I am so grateful for everything you have done for me so far. You have been the best friend someone can have in his life. It is true that I always said that my lover, or husband, had to be my best friend first, and you sure meet the criteria. I want to join you in the next level, but I want to be sure of what I am doing. The last thing on earth and on my mind is to hurt you. Giving in to a sexual urge can have two consequences. The first one would be that I realize I made a mistake and that would be horrible, as well for you as for me. The second one would be that it is the key that opens the treasure box where we would find love. Please, give me a little time more to sort out my feelings and make the right decision.

• This is the nicest thing you could tell me. I appreciate your honesty and will certainly respect it. I guess you have to get used to my feelings now that you know what they are. As you said, we are friends in the first place and that means a total acceptance of the other, without questioning. What you ask me, in fact, is to go slow. Don't you think I can do that? I have been in love with you for quite some time now. I don't think I'll have a problem waiting a little longer, as long as you don't shut me out of your life.

• Shutting you out? You have to be crazy to think that. You have been my support and my friend. You are already living at the house for eighty percent. The only thing I would ask you, if you agree, is to not use the guest room any more. I really would like you to sleep with me even if there is no lovemaking involved. I want, and even need, to feel you close. I'd like to feel your energies flowing over to me and I would love you to feel mine. That alone would bring us to a new place where intimacy will open new doors.

He looked at me with so much love in his eyes that it almost made me cry.

We walked back to the car and drove home. As soon as we disconnected the alarm, the lights switched on automatically, as well in the house as on the terrace and in the swimming pool. It was still quite warm and the blue reflection of the water in the dark night was so inviting. We took of our clothes and dove in the refreshing water, naked. There was no playing or grabbing, just a leisurely swim to refresh our bodies and yes, probably our minds as well. After that, we sat for a moment on the terrace and had a nightcap before going to bed.

It was the first time Francisco would share my bed. We slipped between the sheets and he naturally spooned me. I could feel his chest hairs on my back. It felt so good to feel a human being against my body again. He wrapped his arms around my chest and kissed my neck before saying good night. We were soon wandering off to dreamland.

It seemed we hadn't moved at all during the night, as I opened my eyes with the sunshine coming into the bedroom and still had Francisco's arms around my chest. The feeling was wonderful and although I didn't want to move, my bladder was screaming for attention. Why was it that the morning pee couldn't wait a little longer? I tried to get out of Francisco's embrace without waking him, but failed miserably. I turned to look at him. He had a bright smile on his face and I thought I could really get used to that every morning. I gave him a quick peck on his lips before running to the bathroom. I was just flushing down when he entered the bathroom as well. I turned the shower on and stepped under the cascading water. He soon joined me, but didn't attempt to play or grab me. It was a morning shower like thousands of people had, just that we saved water by showering together.

In the kitchen I made us some coffee and when Francisco came from the bedroom, he was already dressed. He had to go to work. He kissed me goodbye and said he would be back around five. That gave me more than enough time to think over everything we had said the previous night. I knew I had to find the answers to my questions. I couldn't possibly keep Francisco on hold. It wouldn't be nice and surely uncomfortable to him, but I had to find the honest and sincere answers. Just as I sat at my computer, the beeping sound of Skype could be heard. I looked at the screen and saw it was Tiffany calling. She just knew when to call. After some small talk, she got serious and asked how I was doing.

• Francisco came out to me yesterday, I said. He opened up completely and told me his feelings. We slept in the same bed, but without any physical activity.

• Listen Gerald, she said, your life goes on. It is already over a year that Alex went away. Nobody is asking you to forget him and even if anybody did, it would be impossible because he was your soul mate. But that doesn't mean you can't love any more. He went away because his task in this world was accomplished. You stayed because it wasn't finished for you. You can allow yourself to love again and live your life to the fullest. Francisco is a very good man and I am sure you two can make it for each other.

• I know Tiffany, I know. But I don't want to hurt him. What if I don't love him enough? What will happen if I fall in love with someone else?

• How can you have so many doubts? You know he is already your best friend. You won't have any unpleasant surprises with him. You already love him Gerald, even if you doubt it. The risk of you falling in love with someone else is as big as for anyone on this planet. Why don't you just follow the flow? Francisco loves you and you love him. What's wrong with that?

I knew she was right, but it was good to hear it anyway. She went on and on about the fact I didn't have to live like a monk. She insisted that Alex wouldn't want me to live a miserable or lonely life.

• You don't have to be ashamed of your feelings my friend and you certainly don't have to doubt about them. Let him love you and love him back as much as you can. Follow your heart!

Following my heart! She had always said I had to do so, in any circumstance in life. She was convinced, and I became, too, that it was the only way to live life. Often it was easier said than done, but at the end it was so fulfilling. I tried to concentrate on Alex's memory. We didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. I still saw him laying on that ER bed, eyes closed but yet so peaceful. I tried to recall all the wonderful moments we had had together. I tried to remember all the things we said. I desperately hoped to receive a sign from him, telling me it was all right to go on and love again, but nothing came. Although I knew he would give me his blessing, I wanted to get a confirmation, but nothing... not even an intuition or a vision. Was he already so far away? The images in my head were in a blur. Alex's face faded away and came back, mixing with Francisco's. Some memories were confusing as it were things I had lived with Alex but it was Francisco's face that came up. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to do.

I realized I was living in the past far too much. Tiffany made her point when she said that the past was just that: the PAST! I couldn't and wouldn't be able to change a thing about it. The memories I had of my life with Alex were beautiful and nobody would ever be able to take them away from me, but they were memories, nothing else. Alex would never again walk through the door and shout: "Honey, I'm home!" He would never again take me in his arms and kiss me, but when I shut my eyes I could almost feel his strong arms wrapping themselves around my waist or my neck. He was gone and even his corpse was buried thousands of miles away. I was living in the present and had to stop mourning. There was no reason to be sad, as I had received some wonderful years with him. That was something I had to be grateful for. That was something that always would bring a smile upon my face. Thinking about it, I realized I had only good and happy memories with Alex. We never had a fight or serious disagreement. I didn't know if Francisco would be able to reach that point. Was that a necessity? I didn't know, but once again I caught myself comparing Alex and Francisco and I knew it was wrong to do so. Yes indeed, they were so similar. Was that the reason why I felt so comfortable with Francisco around? Probably! But was it right to feel that way because of that? I guessed it was.

Doubts, doubts and more doubts! Why was it that I had so many? In normal circumstances I was never so doubtful. Why was it that I had them now? I knew Francisco would wait till I was ready, but would I ever be? I suddenly had the vision of Alex's face nodding strongly "YES" without saying a word. The vision had been only a second or two. It was so clear that I could almost say he was in front of me. It was so crystal clear that I looked around to see where he had disappeared. Of course, I was alone and somewhere I knew Alex had sent me a sign. His image had disappeared so quickly that once again I had no time to say goodbye.

True to his word, Francisco came through the door a few minutes past five o'clock. The only change in his routine was that he came over to me and kissed me on the lips. I welcomed his kiss and even responded to it by wrapping my arms around his neck and pushing my tongue in his mouth, allowing our tongues to dance together for a while. If Francisco was surprised by my response, he didn't show it. He followed the flow and got a bit more passionate, letting his hands roam over my naked upper part of my body. It felt really good! As I was sitting and he was standing, I had the feeling he was overpowering me and the idea was not unpleasant at all. My hands went to his crotch and I could feel he was quickly reaching the point of a total hard-on. Nonetheless, we parted and he looked straight into my eyes with a bright and contagious smile on his face.

• I feel sweaty and unclean, he said. Let me have a shower or at least a dive in the pool.

He didn't wait for an answer and undressed quickly, running towards the pool and dove in with style. It took me only a split second to drop my shorts and join him in the refreshing water. He was a far better swimmer than I was and swam from one end of the pool to the other in record time. It was his way to work off the burdens of a day at the office. I was standing at the shallow end of the pool, with my elbows on the border, waiting for him to finish his exercise. As expected, he swam over to where I was standing and we resumed our kissing, letting the frenzy overwhelm us. Our embrace got stronger with the second and our mouths were glued together, letting our tongues dance once more in the hot caverns of our mouths. There was no doubt whatsoever that we were getting aroused and our cocks were deciding for us and stood at full attention, pressed together between our bellies. Francisco pushed his hips in mine, humping me slightly and making our cocks rub against one another. I hadn't realized it how much I missed this human contact. It was a little over a year since I had felt the sensation of hormones waking up to the friction of two bodies. Yes, I had felt Francisco's body against mine the previous night, but this was, of course, totally different. We were standing with water to just over our waists, chests pressed together and kissing as if there was no tomorrow. I could feel Francisco's throbbing cock against mine, but it was only when he threw his head back and moaned out loud that I was aware he was actually cumming. When he came back to his senses, he pushed his head on my shoulder, catching his breath.

• I am sorry, he said. I didn't want to cum so fast. Please understand I have been waiting for this so long that the excitement got the better part of me.

• You don't have to apologize! I think it is wonderful that I have that effect on you and I guess that now you climaxed, you'll be ready for a slower and even more intense lovemaking!

He came up and looked in my eyes. If you looked in a dictionary for the word "love", the picture of his stare would appear next to it. He leaned in again and we went on kissing. Even though he had had an orgasm, his manhood didn't deflate. We got out of the pool and lay down on the lounge chair under the umbrella. It felt good to have him on top of me. His chest hair tickled my nipples. They were erect in no time. His hands roamed over my body and sent jolts of pleasure to every nerve ending in my skin. His hard cock rubbed over mine and if his breathing was any indication, I feared he would cum again very soon. I squeezed him in my arms, avoiding him to move too much or too fast. I wanted this second round to last quite longer. The only action going on was the dancing of our tongues in each other's mouths. I released my grip on him when I felt he was calming down a little, but as soon as he felt it, he went down on me, nibbling on my nipples on his way to what he called the big prize. He was hungry for it and inpatient. He engulfed my cock as soon as he was at the right height. The warm moisture of his mouth made me almost cum right there and then, but I controlled myself. He worshiped my manhood like no one had ever done it before, kissing it, licking it and sucking on it as if he wanted to swallow it forever.

We had waited over a year before making love like that. The need and the urges had built up and were suddenly released. It was obvious we wanted each other and were giving in to that inner feeling that had brought us together over that time. The tender care and patient growing love were in the open now. We declared our love for each other in a physical way and we enjoyed it as our bodies were finally united. Francisco turned around and we found ourselves in a comfortable 69 position. I swallowed his cock as he did mine. We drank each other's pre-cum and after what seemed like hours, released the other's cock and went first for his balls, just to follow the narrow road over the perineum and reaching the rosebud that we found when spreading the buttocks. As soon as my tongue slid over his puckered hole, I felt him cumming on my chest, but that didn't prevent him to go on eating out my ass. I was amazed how he could cum twice and still didn't deflate. He was hungry for more! He ate me out with frenzy, using not only his tongue but also his fingers, touching my insides and rubbing my prostate. I oozed out even more pre-cum and he rubbed it all over my rock-hard cock. Once it was covered with my pre-cum and his spit, he turned around in a swift movement and impaled himself on my dick. I thought it would be difficult to open him up as I had sensed he was quite narrow, but he closed his eyes, relaxed completely and took my cock in one slow but determined thrust. His insides were a burning furnace. I pushed up while he sat down and his buttocks were soon lodged in my pubes. Once completely inside, he stayed still as if to savor the moment. I gave him the time to adjust to the invasion.

His eyes opened and locked with mine. He leaned down and we kissed with a renewed passion. He squeezed his ass-muscles in order to stimulate the sensations in my manhood and I just loved it. He started a slow and long up and down motion and I knew that at this pace I wouldn't last long. The feelings were incredibly hot and exciting. His hands rested on my chest and softly pinched my nipples while his tongue left my mouth and he started munching on my earlobes. My brains had problems assimilating all the sensations it was receiving and my breathing got really heavy. My heart skipped a few beats and the blood in my veins was rushing like a rapid in a river. I squeezed his buttocks and tried to return the feelings he was giving me. I was reaching the edge so fast! I knew I was going to fill his bowels with my juice, as I felt the cum boiling in my balls and asking the permission to run out. I felt my scrotum shrink and pulling my testicles inside my lower abdomen. My head was spinning and my whole body contracted in a nervous spasm when my juice started its way out. My cock was throbbing like crazy and Francisco must have felt it. Our brains and hearts were in unison and it was obvious when I started to spurt inside him while his seed covered my chest and stomach. We had a mighty orgasm and grabbed on each other. We squeezed each other in our arms and held on for dear life. Francisco collapsed on my chest, trying desperately to catch his breath. We could feel each other's heartbeat in our chests that were pressed together.

Slowly we came back to reality. My cock flopped out of his ass and he spread out on top of me. We softly and tenderly kissed.

• You just made me the happiest man on this planet, he said. I just hope this is the first of many, many times!

• You made me very happy, too. You sure know what I have been going through and you have been so patient with me. I am sure Alex is looking down on us and smiles broadly! He appreciated you so much and I am sure he approves of us being together. I didn't think I would ever say this again, but I love you Francisco! Please, don't ever leave me!

• I'll be around as long as you want me to and even when you don't want me to, he said laughingly. My only purpose is to make you happy and I prayed all the saints in heaven to convince Alex to send you the necessary signs to give you his blessing. I guess they answered my prayers!

• Yes they have. Tiffany explained to you what the visions and the intuitions did to me, right? Well, this afternoon I saw Alex and he nodded at me with vigor, telling me it was all right to go on and love and be loved. I have taken my time to realize what my true feelings were for you, and I can tell you now, with a hundred percent conviction that I love you Francisco. It is nothing compared to what I had with Alex but it is as intense and as strong as it was with him. Just as with him, I can tell you it is till death separates us!

Francisco's eyes were moist and even a single tear travelled from his eye to his lips. It was a tear of happiness if I read his stare correctly. I kissed him on the lips and could actually taste the tear that came down. Yes, I just made a promise that I had every intention to keep till my last breath. Life was offering me a second chance and I grabbed it with both hands. There was not a hair on my body that was thinking otherwise. Alex and I had not had the possibility to marry legally, but times changed and I was just waiting for the approval in parliament to do just that with Francisco.

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