Disclaimer: This story, though maybe not in this chapter but in subsequent chapters, will have celebrities in it. I have no knowledge of their sexuality and this is not intended to imply their sexuality. This is all from my own mind. Scary!! People actually get a glimpse into my mind!!!
Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, Angel and all related characters created by Joss Whedon. Copyright 20th Century Fox.
Batman, and all related characters created by Bob Kane. Copyright DC Comics and Warner Bros.
X-MEN, and all related characters created by Stan Lee. Copyright Marvel Comics and 20th Century Fox.
Star Trek and all related characters created by Gene Roddenberry. Copyright Paramount Studios.
I don't know for sure if I will use all the above elements, but just in case, I have myself covered.
In this story, which has been floating around in my head most of my life, you will find many universes merging, as the above copyrights reveal. I hope you all enjoy this. I appreciate any feedback that you may want to give. This story doesn't deal so much with sex, sex, sex, but more of my feelings that I struggled with and am starting to come to terms with. Part of his background is mine. I do hope that you enjoy it!!!
Any emails you send, please tell me what chapter you are commenting on. Thanks.
jmsotc@yahoo.com
Chapter 36 Reconciliation
Jessica and I walked in no particular direction. We just walked. As we walked, Jessica shared with me more about how she reacted to her previous boyfriend being gay.
"At first I was angry at every gay person I met, every person I assumed was gay. To me, every one of them took my beloved away from me. And I was going to make every one of them pay for it. I was nasty to them, bigoted and vengeful."
"Much like I'm turning into towards heterosexuals," I said.
"Yep. Much like that. You would not believe the people I hurt. I became just as dark as you. No, darker, because I took the goodness and purity of God and used it to back my vengeance and hatred. Fortunately I had someone to help me through it. Now I'm turning my experience into something to help you.
"I took my frustrations out by training. Lots and lots of training. Then, I went to PFLAG meetings and met people, real people, who went through finding out someone they loved is gay. I became friends with them and learned that it's not something gay people choose. Gay people are normal just like everyone else. It was quite enlightening. Since then, I reconciled with my former boyfriend and we still remain good friends."
"That's good to hear," I replied.
"Yep. Sure is."
"Jessica, I'm glad that you and I didn't fall out. It almost came to that, especially with the way I talked to you. I'm really sorry about it."
"I forgive you. I understood where you were coming from. It didn't make the words any less painful, but I did have understanding. I'm glad we didn't fall out, either. I hope this makes our friendship stronger."
"Me, too."
Our walk lasted about a half hour and we ended up at Garrett's. I looked over at Jessica. "What are we doing here?"
"I told you part of my healing process was to get the frustration out by training. We are going to train."
I followed her into Garrett's mansion and we descended the stairs to find Garrett in sparing clothes.
"Hello, Eric," Garrett greeted.
"Hello."
"Get changed," Jessica said as she headed through one door.
I went through the other door and found some clothes for me to spar in. I changed and went out.
"I'm glad to see you here, Eric."
"Thanks, Garrett."
"Jessica told me what has been going on. I admit I was getting scared."
"For me?"
"No. For the people who may cross you. I would hate to think my training was used to harm someone. That's the one trepidation that I expressed to Jessica when she first proposed me training you. After what happened, I don't know if I want to continue training you."
What Garrett said made me feel very bad inside. A day ago I would have gotten very angry and resentful. But now...now I know he's right.
"I don't blame you, Garrett. That's a fear I have as well
"But I assure," Jessica said as she came out of the other room, "That if Eric gets out of line, I will kick his ass back into it."
Garrett and I smiled.
"Then, I have nothing more to fear," Garrett said.
"You don't, but I do!" I replied in mock resentment.
"Keep in line and you won't have to," Jessica said.
The three of us trained for almost two hours. The skills and moves that the two taught me would help me get control when I get angry. I learned many breathing techniques as well as slow positions to help me gain control of my body. I was so tired and yet invigorated by this training.
I showered and left the two feeling a new hope in my life. Then I realized someone who I had been a bit nasty to. Actually some ones who I kept rejecting and denying things to. The X-MEN. I headed over to the Professor's west coast campus.
When I arrived, I met a Cajun gentleman.
"Hello, I'm..."
"Can I help you?"
"I'm here to see Professor Xavier."
"Does he know you?"
"Yes," I replied. I'm a friend. Eric McCoy."
"Oh, I've heard about you. Wait here."
The man closed the door on me. He left me standing outside. I took the opportunity to look around the grounds. I walked to the bottom of the steps to the driveway and took a long look around. It was so beautiful and peaceful here. No wonder they are weary of strangers. Most are probably people who treat the mutants that attend school here as evil much like most people treat gay people. And the sad part is that neither gays nor mutants can control the fact they are different. No matter which you group you talk to you will always find some who would be willing to change who they are if they could. I, at one time, did. But, now, I don't want to change either fact.
The door opened up and the Cajun man called out, "Come in." I walked inside. "Follow me."
I followed him down a long corridor and we turned at the first intersection. "So you are Eric McCoy."
"Yes. Have we met?"
"No," he said. "But I've heard about you. Logan doesn't think too kindly of you."
"Logan?" I asked at first. "Oh, I know who you are talking about. He helped me out the other day."
"Yeah, against his better judgment."
"Really? Why is that?"
"You are a mutant who denies his mutation. Like a blind person denying the fact he can't see. It's not a very wise thing to do. You end up hurting yourself and offending everyone else. You are not true to yourself."
"But isn't that my problem to deal with?"
"No. Not when it gives other mutants a bad reputation. They expect all of us to not be happy about our mutation. Some of us are proud of it."
"That's good. I still have much to learn. I'm hoping that Professor Xavier can help me with that."
"Only if you are willing to be open-minded about it."
"Believe me, I am."
We turned and entered an office. "Sit down," the man ordered and went through another door. Moments later, he came back. "Go on in."
Hesitantly I entered the office. There Professor X was sitting with Ororo, Logan, Dr. Grey and a man who was wearing red sunglasses.
"Hello, Eric."
"Hello, Professor."
"What brings you here?"
"I came to apologize to each of you for how I've acted. I've denied a basic part of my humanity, just like I did years ago concerning my sexuality."
"It's nothing like your hormones," Logan shouted out. "Mutation gives you power over others."
"As did my rage over what happened to me."
"What happened?" Dr. Grey asked concerned.
"I was raped last week because I'm gay. If you haven't heard the news lately about the activity of Batman I could easily spell it out for you."
"That's quite all right," the man in the red shades said.
"You apologized," Professor X said bringing us all back to the reason for my presence. "Is there anything more that you would like to add?"
"I want to be taught how to use and control my mutation."
"You want to be an X-MAN?" the man with the shades asked.
"Scott," Dr. Grey interjected, "let's here him out."
They turned their attention back to me and I continued. "I don't think I could ever be completely part of your group. After what I said and how I acted towards you guys, it wouldn't be wise. I'm sure some of you feel the way I do about me joining. But I would be willing to help you when you need me if you will only help me deal with being a...a mutant."
I couldn't believe I said the word out loud. I said I was a mutant. It was very liberating.
"Saying you want to be one of us doesn't make us accept you."
"Logan," Professor X said.
"Professor, remember what happened with..."
"Logan!"
Logan stormed out of the room. He was definitely angry about something and he didn't trust me.
"Eric, I would be happy to help train you. You have much to learn and I have much to tell you."
"Such as?"
"Would everyone be kind enough to leave us?"
The room filtered out until only the Professor and I remained.
"What's going on, Professor?"
"Eric. I've studied the results of your tests. It seems, as I said before, your mutation is that of being able to control atoms and molecules. You won't be able to change an object into another. But you will be able to manipulate atoms in the air around you. That is what gave you the ability to create the heat and move things around."
"Something else happened. I was able to concentrate my mutation and make a type of laser the other night."
"That's not surprising. You just concentrated the atoms available to you to make it. If the atoms are not present, you cannot do it. That simple."
"Well, that is good to know."
"It's also when you experience great emotional distress the greater the power of your mutation."
"So, only if I'm feeling distressed can I use my mutation. I can live with that."
"But it also means that, as you are exposed to life and death situations, your emotions will become less sensitized. The times that you can use your mutation will be less and less unless we find something more."
"Is it possible that I could lose my mutation?"
"No, just like you can't use your sexual orientation. It will always be there and will react when you become emotionally stirred. I may be able to find a way for you to control it but it will take some time to study you."
"I've got time, Professor. I've got time." The Professor smiled at me. "Oh, by the way, who was that Cajun guy who let me in?"
"That's Remy. Code name Gambit."
"He's a mutant?"
"Yes. He can charge objects with kinetic energy and use them as bombs and what not."
"Interesting. He doesn't seem to like me."
"Can you blame him after the way you talked to the others and rejected them and yourself? If you can't accept yourself, don't expect others to accept you."
"I completely understand that, Professor. I do."
"Good."
I left feeling grateful for the opportunities I had today. I was able to reconcile with Jessica and her Watcher, and now the X-MEN. And in the process I was reconciling with myself. I could feel part of me healing. Who else did I need to reconcile with? Right away my mind went Justin. How can I reconcile myself with him?
The following day I went to work bright and early. I sat down at my desk and looked through the previous days clients. It felt good to be back. Then Debbie buzzed in.
"Eric. Your first client is here."
"Thanks, Debbie."
My first client was new. I wasn't told anything about him since he did not give information. I got a folder ready, tape recorder as I sometimes taped the first session much like Joshua did, and a new notebook ready just for him. I stood up and walked over to the door as it slowly opened to reveal...
"Hello, Dr. McCoy. I hope you don't mind me coming to see you. I'm sure you've heard of me. My name is Justin Timberlake."
My heart froze. What was he doing here? Was he going to yell at me or say how disgusting I am? But, the way he introduced himself...it was as if he didn't know me. I decided to play it cool.
"Hello, Mr. Timberlake. I'm a fan of your music." I reached out my hand with great reservation. Could I handle being touched by him? He grasped my hand and shook it firmly. Inside, a battle raged between my feelings and the truth. "Please, have a seat." I motioned for him to sit on the couch. "What can I do for you?"
"I don't know where to start."
"Wherever you feel comfortable enough to start."
"Okay. First, though, please, call me Justin." I nodded and he began. "A few months ago, I had that missing time stuff. You know, when you forget what you've done for a half hour or so, like blacking out?"
"Yes, I've heard of it."
"But it wasn't a half hour. It was more like three or four months."
"Really?" I was writing this down, not because I did not know what happened to him, but because I wanted to keep a record of what he told me so I wouldn't give away knowing more.
"And when I became aware of what was going on, I was in a warehouse that was all smashed up. I remember my friends being there and three other people, but I don't know whom. My sight wasn't that good.
"Anyways, JC told me that I had a boyfriend. Now, I don't hate gay people. Let them live the way they want to. But I know I'm not gay, and the thought of me being with another guy grosses me out."
More proof of the homophobia that reeks in our society. Not that someone who is uncomfortable being in a same-sex situation is wrong. It's the attitude that comes along with it. That's where the problems and the dangers lie.
"What's worse is they told me he was a vampire. I couldn't believe it. Vampires don't exist. That's crazy.
"Then, just recently, I found out that one of my best friends is gay. That threw me for a loop. But now that I know someone who is gay, someone I care about as a person, my world and ideals seem to be crashing down. Now I'm wondering what's right and what's wrong and if a God even does exist."
"What I'm about to say may sound like I am indifferent to your pain and fears, but I assure you, it's not the case. What is it you would like me to do for you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Justin, would you like me to help you deal with these fears and phobias and get perspective, or would you like me to justify your fears? I can only help you as you want me to help. If we are going to be successful I need to know what your expectations are of me."
I was becoming detached from Justin emotionally. It wasn't an "I don't care what you are going through" detachment. All my old feelings for him seemed to dissipate as I looked upon this man who was dealing with his own issues. I finally saw him for who he really was, just an average, ordinary heterosexual man. He wasn't the pop star. He wasn't the sex symbol. He wasn't the teen god that most teenybopper magazines portray him. He was just him.
"I don't know. I want some facts about these things. Once I get facts, I will be better off, you know? Once I know the truth, I can deal with it."
"Good. I'm glad to hear that."
"Why is that?"
"Because most people don't want the truth, Justin. Most want a pretty little lie that fits into their ideas. Not all the world is like that. Believe me, I've faced it myself."
"What's the first thing I do, then?"
"Let me think. God does exist. He is very much in control of those things which people allow Him to. People don't realize they can tie His hands by their actions and choices. Homosexuality, despite popular belief and most religious dogma, is not a sin, because it's not a choice. People are born gay." Or put under a spell to be gay, but I didn't say that out loud. "Many of them have the same beliefs as heterosexuals, including religious beliefs. I can get you a book or two on the subject for you to read between now and our next session."
I stood up and walked over to the bookshelf. I was glad Joshua had thoroughly researched this issue, as well as many others, and kept a nice selection of titles for me to read and refer others to. I took out a piece of paper and wrote down some titles: What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality by Daniel A. Helminiak, Homosexuality and the Bible (Pamphlet) by Walter Wink, and Stranger at the Gate by Dr. Mel White.
I handed him the piece of paper. "There you go."
"Thanks. What about vampires?"
"All I can say is don't invite people into your home who you do not trust."
"Thanks," Justin said standing up. He reached out his hand and I took it in my hand.
"You're welcome."
I watched as Justin left my office. I felt good that he was searching for answers, but I wondered if I should tell him that I was his boyfriend while he was under Turic's spell. That would ruin this new relationship we have, plus it might damage his search for answers. But if I didn't tell him and he found out, he would no longer trust me, and perhaps no other gay person. People tend to transfer feelings and emotions to other people who may have no direct link to their pain. That's the folly of labels. I had much to think about.
To Be Continued...
Finally, Eric admits his mistakes and failures and apologizes for them. It's about time. I was wondering what was going to happen. Could he have possibly taken the darker path and turned evil? What do you think?
And now he's met Justin again. It's good his feelings for him have changed. But what should he do about his previous relationship with Justin? Should he tell Justin now or wait? Should he tell Justin at all?
Also, the books I mentioned are real books, very good to read. They helped me. In fact, some of what Dr. Mel White has dealt with I dealt with (i.e. religion, etc.)
I'd love to know what you think!