This story is a work of fiction. Any comments or suggestions can be sent to shakes003@hotmail.com. Take care & be well.
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DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to those living or dead is not intentional, and is completely coincidental.
XxXxXxX
"Hey buddy," I whispered quietly as Jakob opened his eyes and looked at me in confusion.
My sister called, frantically telling me how Jakob and his parents were in a car accident. They were driving home from vacation on the highway when a truck that was driving way too fast crossed into their lane and hit them head-on. Jakob looked like hell. His face marred with bruises; his arm bound to his torso by thick bandages. There were IVs in both his arms and tubes coming out of his chest.
"What are you doing here?" He asked weakly. His eyes looked heavy, but he managed to keep them open.
"Jordan called me. She heard from a friend that you got pretty banged up." My hand found its way to his hair, and gently pushed it back.
"I gotta tell ya kid, you've looked better." I grinned.
Jakob smiled and started to laugh lightly before tears welled up in his eyes and fell past his cheeks onto the pillow beneath him. He looked away from me as he tried to get his bearings.
"You okay?" I asked.
"My dad and mom..." he stopped and took a deep breath.
"I know, sweet pea."
My fingers gently tangled themselves in his curls. He looked at me and nodded. His parents were dead.
"Can I do anything?" I tried, but Jakob shook his head.
"Can I get anything? Jakob..."
"I'm okay."
The overhead announcement letting everyone know that visiting hours were over was loud. Jakob sniffed and looked at me.
"Just stay until I fall asleep."
I gently took his hand and nodded. He smiled weakly before his eyes closed and his breathing became light and regular. I left an hour later.
XXXXXX
"Matthews! Snap out of it!"
I looked up out of my daze to find the angry face of the shop foreman--my boss, glaring at me. My mind was in a complete fog, and he could have been yelling at me for hours for all I knew. I was out of it. I slowly nodded and turned back to my lathe, and heard the sound of his pounding work boots fade as he headed back towards the front office of the shop. In the back of my mind I was surprised that he let in that easily, especially since the day started out so rotten. In the past, I've come to work with my share of hangovers and colds and flues, and you name it, and he'd be riding my ass and barking obscenities at me the whole day. I wondered vaguely if he knew what was wrong with me. Maybe he could read my mind and knew to just leave me alone today. Maybe he had better things to do and really didn't give a shit about my problems. I figured it was the latter.
I liked my work, but today this machine shop was the last place on earth where I wanted to be. I was running on empty before I even left for work. It might have been shock or something, most of the night I laid there with Jakob pressed up against me. His arms were wrapped around me, and it was as though the whole evening's events hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew in my head what had taken place, but I was shaken with disbelief when I finally found the words for it. Jakob had been violated. That I knew for sure, but I didn't know how it happened, or who was responsible.
I was a walking zombie as I tried to focus on what I was doing, but my mind kept drifting to the night before. I couldn't get the picture of Jakob lying there in the alley naked and torn out of my head; the fear in his eyes when I approached him. People don't just get over that kind of hurt, not without some serious therapy. I was angry. I was livid at whoever could be so sick and demented to do something like this, especially to somebody as sweet as Jakob. Jakob wouldn't hurt a fly. He was gentle, and in all honesty the kindest person I knew in my life.
I also thought about how it felt when I woke up with him beside me in my bed. Part of me could still feel him pressed against me. I could barely sleep after that; it felt too good and my mind was racing through every detail of the evening. I tried to focus on the sound of his breathing in hopes that I would drift off eventually, but that turned out to be feeble. My mind kept racing back and forth between the images of him lying there, and the guilt that I may have done the wrong thing.
`Goddammit I should have took him to the hospital! No. No he didn't want that. He was begging me not to. I did the right thing. Maybe I should have called the cops then. No he'd get sent to the hospital and be run through a battery of tests. He said he didn't want that. What if there's damage--internally? Is that possible? He was bleeding everywhere. I don't know. No, he would have said something. He was so afraid. Oh, my God! What the hell happened?' I absentmindedly played with one of his hands throughout the night while my mind continued to race.
Eventually I must have fallen asleep, although I don't recall what time it was. The alarm clock shrieked its battle cry at 6 am, and I seriously considered throwing it against the wall in hopes that it would break into thousands of pieces. Instead, I just turned it off and turned the lamp on, slowly rolling over to look at Jakob. He was asleep and oblivious to the previous blaring of the alarm, still looking surprisingly peaceful underneath the fresh bruises I noticed that must have surfaced during his sleep, most notably the ones on his wrists and arms, and ones that were all around his neck.
"Fuck!" I sighed in a quiet rage, under my breath while my finger gently followed the pattern of bruises on his throat.
Jakob didn't move or make a sound. I was half in denial when I managed enough energy to drag myself out of bed. I quickly showered and changed, ditched my usual morning ritual of reading the newspaper and chugging coffee, and decided to call in sick to work. I couldn't bring myself to leave Jakob alone while he was in the shape he was in. I made the call, but got yelled at and told to come in anyway. It wasn't as though the work was piled up. My boss just liked to be a prick; I think he even got off on it. Not a day went by that he wasn't trying to make somebody's life miserable. I guess my name was on the shit list this day.
I didn't make a production about it. I left early to get the day over with and decided then that I hated my job and my boss, and tried as hard as I could to concentrate on my work. I figured I could keep my mind off of Jakob. I didn't feel that I could deal with thinking about it. I didn't want to think about it. Of course, it ended up being all I could think about.
At 4 o'clock, I walked out of the shop and towards my Monte Carlo still in a daze, but was relieved that the day was through. It was a Friday afternoon, and the guys were going out to the bars for a night of heavy consumption of alcohol and most likely women. They laughed and snickered when I refused my invitation. Some rude comments were handed my way; if they only knew but I made no reply. I numbly slumped into my car and headed for home.
When I walked in the front door it was so quiet, and the air was still. I took off my work boots, hung my jacket at the landing, and proceeded upstairs to my bedroom where I'd left Jakob that morning. When I stuck my head through the door, I was almost startled when I didn't find him in my bed.
"Jakob?" I called into the room, but gathered no response.
"Jakob?"
I turned and called down the hallway, but didn't hear a reply. The house remained deathly quiet. I walked room to room throughout the house calling for him, but the house was empty. An uneasy feeling was inching its way through me. I started my way back upstairs after searching the basement, and spotted him through the glass door, sitting outside on the deck off of the kitchen. I felt overcome with a sense of relief. I sighed and headed towards the deck.
I studied him through the window of the door before I opened it to see how he was doing. He was still wearing his T-shirt and my pajama bottoms--appearing as though they were 2 or 3 sizes too big for his body. His hair was wildly disheveled, looking curlier than it usually was. He was sitting on the edge of the steps that lead into the hot tub I bought last fall, with one hand resting on his lap and the other hand resting on a glass that was filled with dark amber liquid. I noticed the half-empty bottle of whiskey at his feet.
"Hey kiddo," I said gently as I opened the door leading on to the deck.
Jakob jumped a little, and looked at me with a startled expression when I spoke to him. He then began to stare at me blankly as I approached him, not saying a word.
"Whatcha doin' out here, Jakey?" I softly asked as I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze.
Jakob, not making a sound brought the glass to his lips and swallowed its contents. He winced and clenched his jaw tightly as he slowly bent down to place the now empty glass beside the bottle that was at his feet. He let out a deep breath when he returned to his original position.
"That was a brand new bottle." I commented as I nodded towards his feet.
"You polish that off yourself today?" I searched the emptiness in Jakob's eyes for an answer, but found nothing. He remained quiet and emotionless, staring out into the back yard.
I'd never seen Jakob's eyes when they weren't dancing with light, and to see him so flat with no expression upon his face was ripping me apart. It was as though I was looking at a stranger, and I fought wildly not to get emotional. I slowly knelt down and gently placed a hand on his knee. Jakob's body immediately stiffened, and he drew in a sharp breath before closing his eyes. I realized that I was making him uncomfortable. I quickly took my hand off of his knee and placed it on the step beside his legs.
"Talk to me, kid." I pleaded.
I couldn't stand to see him like this. I wanted my Jakob back; my gorgeous, sexy, innocent, and beautiful friend, whose eyes laughed and danced and were always full of life. Jakob looked so much older than 18 to me now. His battle scars showing on his face and in his eyes even without the help of the bruises and cuts. I felt helpless.
Jakob kept his eyes closed, and quietly cleared his throat.
"Please don't tell anyone."
It was barely a whisper. He then opened his eyes and looked straight at me. Emotionless. Expressionless.
"I would never do that, Jakob." I stated firmly, and after a moment's hesitation he nodded his agreement, and then stared out into the backyard again.
We sat like this for probably half an hour, with the inevitable question hanging over our heads like a cloud of rain. He offered no information on his own, and I didn't want to push him too far or alienate him, but at the same time I wanted to know. I needed to know.
"Jakob, what happened last night? Who did this to you?" My hand went back to rest on his knee, and this time his body didn't push me away.
His eyes became shifty, almost as though he was fighting back the urge to cry. He looked up to the sky while he shook his head, and tears eventually flowed down his cheeks. I feared what he was going to say.
"It's my fault, Bryan. I'm so fuckin' stupid."
His hands came up to hit his head before he grabbed fistfuls of his hair and broke down sobbing. I got to my feet, and gently urged his face to lean against my body, wanting him to shed his tears onto me as if somehow it would absorb his pain.
"Shhh, don't you dare talk like that. It wasn't your fault and you are not stupid. I don't wanna hear that from you, do you understand me?" I whispered while my hands were stroking his thick black locks. Jakob was clinging to me while he wept onto my shirt.
"I couldn't get him off of me, Bry." He choked the words out.
I felt as though I had a chunk of ice in my stomach, and I almost debated whether to pass out or to throw up. I fought hard to keep the pictures from creeping into my mind. I tried not to think about Jakob being attacked and brutalized. I forced my mind to concentrate on the present or I was going to lose it.
I eased myself on the step beside Jakob, and looked at him intently while I was fussing with his messy hair. He stared at me, as though waiting for an answer when I had none. I nodded, and Jakob buried his face in my neck and finished crying. We sat on the step of the hot tub in silence, my arm around his shoulders, and his face buried in my neck. We sat there for a long time before Jakob finally sat up.
"Pour me another?" He pointed at the bottle by his feet. I looked at the bottle, and then at him and gave him a half-grin.
"You don't think half a bottle is enough?"
I tried not to make light of the situation, but Jakob wasn't known for drinking. Sure, we'd sit down and have a beer from time to time, but that was it. A beer. He was only 18, and just starting to explore what life had to offer before this happened. By the time I was 18, I had been drunk plenty of times and had my share of hangovers to show for it. Jakob just wasn't like that. He never seemed to be appealed to that sort of action. He was so different from me.
"I hurt everywhere. I just wanna stop hurting." Jakob commented and flinched slightly when I tightened my arm around him.
I gave a quick sigh and then poured the glass half-full of whiskey. I handed him the glass and then went back inside the house with the bottle to return it to its proper home. When I returned, his glass was empty, and Jakob was breathing deeply with his eyes closed.
"I can't get up." He looked at me helplessly, signaling me for help. I walked over to him, wrapped one of his arms around my neck while I wrapped one of my arms around his waist, and slowly eased him into a standing position.
"God, you're short." I joked lightly at the situation.
He was on his toes as his arm stretched over my shoulder and I held him up. Jakob gave a small chuckle before he winced in pain. He was as unsteady as he had been when I brought him home last evening. At first, I thought he couldn't get up because of the whiskey. I figured it had really helped knock him on his ass. I then noticed the blood on my pajama bottoms, and knew he was still hurting badly. Who knows how long it'd take for him to heal? I helped Jakob to his bedroom and to his own bed, and helped him get settled.
"Get some rest, kiddo." I softly commanded, and messed up the mop on top of his head.
"Thanks, Bryan." He mumbled drowsily, and I left him to sleep.
It was a boring evening, and not having much of an appetite, I had decided on a bag of Doritos and a few beers as my main course for supper. I went down into the basement that was finally renovated last year, and sat down to the big screen to flip absently through the channels. After a couple of hours and my mind being elsewhere, I swallowed the last of my beer, turned off the TV and decided to head for bed. On the way to my room, I popped my head through the doorway to Jakob's bedroom and found him fast asleep. I grinned wholeheartedly as he let out a couple of soft snores, and shut his door and headed for my own room.
I turned on the light as I closed the bedroom door behind me, and immediately began to shed myself of my clothing. Naked, I turned to face the full-length mirror on my closet door, and realized how little sleep I had gotten the night previous. My eyes had definite circles around them, and it dawned on me that I had forgotten to shave in the morning. I sighed and frowned in spite of myself, and turned the light off. In the darkness I crawled under the cool blankets of my bed, and quickly fell asleep as I rolled to my side and let my head greet the pillow...
I was running down a dark, endless hallway, searching aimlessly for Jakob who was screaming for my help at the top of his lungs. His voice was desperate and frantic, and I was running, trying to follow the sound of his voice. The closer I seemed to get to his voice, the farther away he actually was. I could hear him weeping and begging for my help, but I couldn't reach him no matter how fast I ran or how hard I tried. He screamed my name over and over again; a voice screaming in agony. I still could not reach him. My body was sweating profusely; my heart racing. It was black and damp. I was surrounded by darkness and I was getting nowhere...
...I jolted up in my bed into a sitting position, and tried to catch my breath.
`It was just a bad dream,' I told myself over and over, until it hit me that it wasn't a dream. Life at the moment was a fucking nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. I felt hot tears sliding down my face and I inhaled as deeply as I could, finally forcing the tears to stop. I covered my face with my hands for a few minutes, and vigorously rubbed my eyes and my hair before I decided to try and sleep again.
As I flopped back down onto my bed I heard a groan and almost jumped back up. I turned my head and could see Jakob curled up beside me in the moonlight, this time making his own way underneath the covers. My heart leaped and I had to control the stirrings that were happening in the pit of my stomach and the center of my groin. I wanted to wrap him in my arms, and feel him there all night. The night before had felt so natural when he was in bed beside me. I lay down on my back and consciously had to pace my breathing and to try and slow down my heart.
After I let some time pass, I closed my eyes, focused on the rate and depth of my breathing, and found myself relaxing. I was almost asleep when I felt Jakob shifting in bed. I felt him position himself next to me, with his head resting on my shoulder, and I opened my eyes to watch him. I quietly watched as he slightly shuffled to get more comfortable, and then he tilted his head back to look at me, almost as if to ask me for my permission.
I smiled down at Jakob and moved my arm so that it was encircling him closer to my body. For the slightest moment, I thought I saw that sparkle back in his eyes. It was only for the briefest of moments, caught only by the dapple of moonlight through the window, but it was there and I saw it. When he finally settled, he was in my arms where I wanted him. My heart started pounding again, and I became nervous as a familiar tingling started to increase in my groin. Jakob, still wearing the same T-shirt and pajama bottoms as the night previous seemed oblivious to my nakedness next to him.
Oh, God,' I internally scolded myself. Why didn't you put some fuckin' pajamas on, you idiot? He's gonna freak out.' But he didn't seem to notice at all. After a few moments, I somehow regained control over my body, and things began to calm down.
"Night, Bryan." Jakob said softly as he curled slightly closer to me and found a more comfortable position for his head.
I had to clear my throat before being able to respond.
"Good night, Jakob."
I felt his arm slide across my stomach and hold me there before I let myself drift off from exhaustion.