Jared
"Please I didn't mean that," I painfully explained as Matt shut the bedroom door in my face. I laid back down on the couch and cried. That's when Danny woke up and I went to get him. He calmed down as soon as he was in my arms and I looked down at him and whispered, "Sorry for waking you up buddy."
I took him back to the crib and decided to try my hand at singing him to sleep since he didn't seem to want to settle back down. There was a problem though: I didn't know any lullibies. My mind was still racing after what had happened with Matt so I settled on the first song I could think of: my alma mater's alma mater.
"Western we sing to you, brown and gold. Western we bring to you faith untold," I sang quietly as he giggled before he started to settle down.
"You challenge and inspire, your hope is our desire. We sing to you our alma mater, brown and gold." Once he was asleep I laid down on the couch and cried some more. I couldn't believe I'd let myself be so hurtful to him. We hadn't had a fight like that in years. I found myself nodding off and before I knew it I was dreaming. I hadn't been asleep for what felt like very long before I heard Matt's voice.
"What are you still doing out here?" he asked as he came out of the bedroom.
"I didn't think you wanted me in there," I replied.
"Jared I'm not mad at you I'm just really stressed."
"I really didn't mean to be hurtful. I didn't mean for that to sound like that," I started to backpedal before he stopped me.
"It's okay. It's over now. Did you hear what I had to say?" he asked.
"Yeah, loud and clear. I promise you I'll take a reduced schedule. I'll be home more. We'll get this figured out," I said as I brought him close and kissed him on his forehead. He flashed me those puppy dog eyes and I knew I was forgiven.
The next day I called my parents to see if they would be willing to take care of Danny for a day so that we could spend some time alone. I picked Danny up and held him with one arm while Matt came over to my other side and slid his hand into mine. We made the trip over to my parents' to drop him off and on the way home we talked about what we wanted to do.
"Should we go have dinner?" I suggested.
"I say we get dinner on the way home and get a bottle and get drunk," he replied.
"I haven't done that in a while," I replied. I was surprised by his suggestion.
"Neither have I," he replied. "That's why I want to," he said with that damn mischevious smile.
We stopped and ordered Chinese takeout and then a liquor store that was in the same strip mall. Matt got tequila and I got whiskey.
"Hey pull into Safeway real fast," he said right as we were coming up on the driveway and we laughed as I pulled a hard right.
"I'll be right back," he said with that grin now even wider as he ran in real fast.
"I guess I'm staying here then," I said to myself after he shut the car door. He returned a couple minutes later with a pair of limes in a bag. I smiled and laughed. Matt hadn't changed after all these years.
We pulled into the garage and headed inside. I sat down on the couch and flipped on the TV while Matt retrieved the shot glasses from the kitchen. Some years before he had bought one from Spencer's at the mall that was painted in the rainbow and it said "I'm gay but I take my shots straight." He'd used that glass every time we'd drank since.
He sat down next to me and handed me a lime wedge and the salt shaker.
"What's that for?" I asked looking at the salt.
"You've never done this before?" he asked.
"You know I've never been a tequila drinker," I replied.
"You put some salt right here," he said pouring some salt on that piece of flesh that connects your thumb to your index finger. "And you lick the salt, down the shot, and then suck on the lime," he said before he demonstrated.
"Damn that shit is strong," he recoiled after his first shot. "Your turn!" he said cheerily.
I chuckled and shook my head before I did as he said and that stuff tasted awful.
"All right I'm ready for my whiskey," I said as I cracked open my fifth of Crown Royal. We cheersed a few times before we were oiled enough to be able to let it all hang out.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," he said.
"No I deserved that," I replied. "You were 100% right that I was being selfish. You've done way more than your fair share and you shouldn't have to sacrifice to make it better."
"But what other option do we have?" he asked as he took another shot.
"That's a fair point. It doesn't have to be right away, but the longer we wait the longer I'm going to be out of the house all the time," I said.
We kept taking shots and before long we were totally plastered. We decided to stop talking about serious stuff and just put something on the TV. I put the footrest up on the couch and Matt drunkenly got on the floor, pulled my socks off, and started rubbing my feet. His drunken smile was so cute and he flashed me his puppy dog eyes. He reached for the bottle and had a few more shots and that's when I saw that the tequila was completely empty. I was so drunk that at that moment I couldn't comprehend what that meant.
He sat down next to me and moved in for a kiss. When our lips met he ran his hands up under my shirt and it was on. I moaned as he guided me onto my back and pulled my shirt over my head. He went for my waistband and pulled my pajama pants off. My member was rock hard as I staggered to my feet to undress Matt. He had to help me pull his shirt off because I was so drunk and it was a good thing he was wearing pajama shorts because I don't think I would have had the coordination to unbutton his jeans.
We staggered to the bedroom and I pushed him by the shoulders onto the bed. I took him in my mouth and the smell of his skin sent the dopamine bursting through my brain like a broken dam.
"Roll over," he instructed. It took him a few tries to get the nightstand drawer open but he got the lube bottle out and before I knew it he was inside me. He came close to kiss me again as he started moving inside me. It was sloppy but it brought back memories.
"I feel like we're back in our dorm room," I said slurring my words. He stopped fucking me for a second and replied "I wish we were 22 again."
"Just for tonight we are," I said and he moved to my side. He pushed back inside me in the spooning position and I let out a sigh of pleasure as I closed my eyes and pictured us in that twin bed inside Spindler Hall in 1997, just two gay boys against the world. We moaned with pleasure as he went to town and he took a few sudden deep breaths before he let out a loud moan as he finished.
The next day when we picked Danny up from my parents' house we decided to sit them down and find out how they felt about the idea of moving again. I still felt like a dick for wanting to bring it up with how it went mentioning it to Matt but he was warming up to the idea the more he thought about it.
We walked into their apartment and Danny came running to us. I scooped him up and he laughed with delight as I hoisted him over my head and then set him down. Their apartment was on the 29th floor and the view through the panoramic window was just breathtaking.
"We wanted to get your opinion on something," I said after we sat down at the dining room table.
"What's that?" my mom asked.
"I need to be home more and the easiest way to do that would be to stop commuting. We haven't made any plans yet but we're thinking about moving and we wanted to know what your thoughts on that would be."
"Well that's one of the reasons we decided to rent and not buy when we moved here," my dad replied.
"It's not something I'd be opposed to in the longer term as long as we have time to plan and get ready," my mom began. "I'm glad you're letting us be part of the decision making instead of just announcing that you're moving and expecting us to come."
"Mom we wouldn't do that. We haven't even decided we're doing this yet. It's just an idea," I explained.
"I'm not even sure how I feel about it yet," Matt chimed in. I was glad he did because sometimes it's hard for him to express when he disagrees.
"Well you boys keep researching and keep us updated," my mom said as we got up to head home.
Just a few weeks later our lives took a few more dramatic turns. On May 14, 2008 the California Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage and just like before we got everyone together to go down to the courthouse. Back in 2004 the courts quickly swooped in and stopped San Francisco from issuing any more marriage licenses, rendering our marriage not even worth the paper it was printed on.
I held Danny with my left arm as I filled out the license application. This moment was just as exciting as it was four and a half years earlier. The line was dozens of people long and just like in San Francisco the first time around there were TV cameras everywhere. We had made sure to read the exact same vows word for word from four years before and I had to try not to laugh as we pulled our rings off and handed them to each other to put back on our fingers.
What was really cool was that this time our marriage was officiated by the mayor. She had made it a point to officiate marriages that day to mark the occasion, aside from it being a good photo-op for her re-election campaign that fall. We both said our "I dos" and after we kissed I was overcome with emotion. We really were a family now. My dad was right, Danny really did become my world. All my sleepless nights melted away when he would walk up to me, say "hug," and wrap his arms around my shins.
Two weeks after we got married, Proposition 8 qualified for the November 2008 ballot. It would immediately reverse that decision by amending the state constitution to say that marriage could only be between a man and a woman. The Mormon church and the Catholics had both poured millions of dollars into the effort to get enough signatures to place it on the ballot and then to run TV ads for the general election.
On Danny's second birthday, September 9, 2008, Matt and I took him to a No on 8 rally in downtown. While I have political views I had never gotten involved in politics before and now I knew I needed to more than ever.
"Should we leave Danny with your parents?" Matt asked when I posed the idea of going.
"No, we should bring him with us. It's important that we bring him so that if there's anyone on the fence that they'll see that we're regular people just like anyone else. We even raise kids."
"I like the way you think," he replied slyly.
Watching the campaign unfold that fall was so painful and infuriating. The TV ads in favor of the measure were so overtly homophobic but the language they used was plain enough that the average person wouldn't think that it was hateful. They talked about "protecting marriage" and "religious freedom." The most insulting were the ads featuring parents saying that same-sex marriage would reuslt in children being recruited to be gay in school.
We were pretty close to the back of the crowd and I hoisted Danny up on my shoulders. I felt a tap on my arm and I turned around. It was a cameraman and a reporter from the local news.
"Hey care to do an interview?" she asked me. The reporter was a blonde woman in her 30s that I recognized from the station I usually watched the news on.
"Sure," I replied. When she asked me what I thought the anger I had in me over this whole thing just boiled over and I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"This whole thing is such a joke. Explain to me how my husband and I being able to get a piece of paper is a threat to anyone else's marriage. We're everyday people just like you. I'm an airline pilot, does the fact that I have a husband at home and not a wife make you feel any less safe onboard one of my flights? Do you know that because the federal government doesn't recognize our marriage that if one of us dies the other can't get Social Security benefits? That's what this is about for us. Nobody's recruiting your kids because there's no need to. Nobody chooses to be gay and this kind of ignorance is why nobody would choose to be gay if it was. How could you possibly think something so pure and beautiful as love could be a bad thing?"
She looked lost but she eventually gathered herself.
"Is this your son?"
"My husband and I adopted our nephew after my brother and his wife died. Should he have gone into foster care instead of being raised by two family members who love him?"
She asked me to spell my name and then went off to talk to some other people. We went home that afternoon and turned on the news and sure enough they aired my interview. I started getting calls from people all over the area. The No on 8 campaign offered me a job, which I declined. That night Matt pulled up the article and read me some of the comments.
"This guy gets it, god bless his family, fags go to hell. I think that about covers it," he said imitating my sarcasm. I laughed and he flashed me that damn mischevious smile.
Two months later election day rolled around. The polls closed at 7:00 and as soon as they did the networks called California and the election for Barack Obama. That was just the beginning of the night for us though. We sat up watching the returns come in late into the night and around 2 am it was clear that Proposition 8 had passed. Matt and I held each other and sobbed.
I was so angry. We were so hurt. The most liberal state in the country that prided itself on being accepting and welcoming to the LGBT community told us to fuck right off.
"I think I'm ready to move," Matt said to me the next morning while we were eating breakfast. We started looking at real estate listings and decided that Seattle was our destination the following week. When I went on my next trip I put in my paperwork to change bases and aircraft to the Boeing 757. Little did I know that our lives were about to change again in the coming weeks.
One afternoon when I was home the phone rang and I answered it. It was a social worker from the state. I hadn't heard from them since we adopted Danny so I wasn't sure why they would be calling.
"Hello?"
"Hi is this Jared or Matthew Graves-Ryan?"
"Speaking," I replied.
"Hi there. I'm calling because we have twin boys that we need a placement for and I was wondering if you two would be interested." I almost dropped the phone.
"How old?" I asked.
"They're both two, the same age as your son. That's why I wanted to call and see if you'd be interested."
"Would we be able to adopt them?"
"That would be possible."
"That's obviously something I'm going to need to talk to my husband about first but I want to keep the option open," was what I decided to say.
"Okay. Let me know if it's something you'd be interested in."
I was shaking with anxiety. I knew it was something I had to bring to Matt's attention but I didn't want him to think that this was another idea that I was trying to push on him. I wasn't sure I should tell him but I knew it wouldn't be right if I didn't.
"Hey Matt," I said when he came through the door.
"What's wrong? I can hear it in your voice," he replied.
"Nothing's wrong. I just have something I need to tell you about."
"That still sounds like something's wrong," he answered and I sighed. It was time to just spit it out.
"I got a call from a social worker today. She wanted to know if we'd be interested in fostering a set of twin boys and we might be able to adopt them if things go well."
"What did you tell her?" he asked with a surprised look on his face.
"I told her I needed to talk to you first."
"Does that mean it's something you want to do?" he asked with some real annoyance in his voice.
"See this is why I didn't even want to tell you about it. I didn't want you to think that I was pushing it on you but I knew that I had to tell you."
"Oh Jared I'm sorry I said that. I'm sorry I made you feel that way."
"Matt it's not your fault. I was the one who was inconsiderate of your feelings."
"So what do you think?" he asked with pain in his voice.
"I don't really know what to think. I think Danny needs a sibling but I don't know if now is the right time."
"This has been so hard," he said in a low tone of voice.
"I know it has. If you want to say no then say so," I said. "It's just an idea and nothing more at this point."
"I actually like the idea but I don't know if it's the right time," he said with a small smile that appeared genuine. "Why don't we sleep on it for a while?"
"Okay," I said smiling back. "We'll sleep on it."
"Jared don't ever think that you have to keep things like this from me. I'm glad you told me. I don't want you to think that it would upset me."
A few days later Matt said something to me that caught me completely off-guard.
"I think we should call them back and schedule a playdate. Let's see if Danny would get along with them."
You could have knocked me over with a feather. I thought it would be a hard no from him. I couldn't help but smile. Two days later I held Danny's hand as we walked through the parking lot at the social services building. The social worker said it was a great idea for both Danny and the twins because they didn't get a lot of play time with other kids at their temporary placement. I was still really reluctant on the inside. Matt and I had been doing a lot better as a couple lately and the logical side of me thought that adding two more kids to the mix right now would just be asking for trouble.
We got into the visiting room and they brought in the twins. My heart just melted when I saw them. They each had blonde hair and eyes as blue as the Pacific Ocean.
"This one is Nate and this one is Jack," the social worker said as they all went for the box of toys in the corner.
"I'm glad you're still interested. They're still in foster care but we haven't found a permanent home for them as of yet. Nobody seems to want two at the same time."
"Does it matter that there's a possibility that we might be moving out of state?"
"Not as long as that doesn't happen until after you're granted full custody," she replied.
Matt and I looked at each other and we didn't have to say a word. Telepathically we knew we were both onboard. A few weeks and a few formalities later we were in front of a judge again making our family complete. We didn't choose their names but I can't tell you how overjoyed I was when we learned that Nate's middle name was Matthew. Nathan Matthew and Jack Dylan. They'd been surrendered as safe haven babies by their teenage mother when they were born and had spent the last two years of their lives in foster care.
Matt and I began searching and we bought a four-bedroom house on an airstrip in Spanaway, Washington. It was a neighborhood built specifically for pilots and our house had a hangar in the side yard that I could store my plane in. Our yard was massive and fenced in and there was also a two-bedroom granny flat in the backyard for our parents to stay in when they came to visit. There was a road sign outside the neighborhood that said AIRCRAFT CROSSING and that's what you had to do to take off. You taxied down the road, crossed the street, and there was the threshold of the runway.
The inside was absolutely beautiful. The wood floors contrasted with the wood accents throughout the house. There was even a fireplace in the living room and a deck out back with a wheelchair ramp. It has quartz countertops and a breakfast bar for the boys to sit and eat at every morning. It had a bathroom just off every bedroom and a two car garage.
It was perfect in every way for us and around that same time I got approved to train to fly the Boeing 757 and 767. Since they have the exact same cockpit I could fly either one. That was a major pay increase too. Matt landed a job with the State of Washington in a role that was higher than the one he was in before and a pay increase too. Everything was falling into place and while it was far from easy our hearts were filled with joy.
Our boys were smart, goofy, and downright adorable. Jack was my sweet boy, he was the most docile. While Danny and Nate never passed on an opportunity to wrestle around in the mud or throw toys at each other, Jack was content to sit by himself and read a book. He was never shy about giving hugs and kisses and he always wanted to help when one of us was doing something. He sings like a bird and was the apple of his music teacher's eye from the day he started kindergarten.
Nate was your stereotypical rough-and-tumble boy. He loved The Hulk and loved to pretend that's who he was. His favorite activities were wrestling and play fighting. He liked video games the most out of our boys and Matt and I always felt like we were sitting on a knife's edge in terms of when to step in and make him do other things. Naturally he became our athlete. He played football and hockey starting when he was 7 and he really was given a gift.
Danny on the other hand, Danny became a special case. He was the most eccentric of the three and my god did he look like Brady. It was so bittersweet and that was something that I really had to do a lot of soul searching to learn to cope with. He had an interest in tools and I couldn't keep him out of my toolbox, much to my chagrin. His imagination was mind-blowing. Sometimes he'd be content to sit in his bedroom and pretend to be building a house. I'd hide behind the doorframe to watch him because he was easily embarassed and I could tell that he was picturing every single detail in his mind.
There were a few months that were rough after we first moved as I was in Atlanta training for my new aircraft and Matt was by himself with three kids and my parents living in our backyard for the time being but once that was over things improved drastically. Matt and I had finally figured out how to be a couple while dedicating the necessary time and effort to raising our boys. Every milestone, every heartwarming moment just served as the adhesive that kept us together.
The first day of preschool was one of the hardest days of my entire life. Matt and I went together to drop the boys off in the morning and we held each other and cried in the car when we got home. Little did I know that wasn't going to be the worst of it. When we picked the boys up later that afternoon I noticed a confused look on their faces. I had a feeling I knew what was coming next. It was the conversation Matt and I had been dreading. Sure enough I practically heard the words come out of Jack's mouth before he even said them.
"Why don't we have a mommy?"
Matt and I looked at each other like we'd both seen a ghost. His voice had all the innocence of the four-year-old who's mainly interested in his own bodily functions he was and before he could say anything I decided I'd handle the situation for the moment.
"That's a great question Jack. Why don't we go get some ice cream and when we get home Daddy Matt and I will explain that to you guys."
Matt looked at me with a forced smile. He appreciated that I'd bought us some time but it was officially time to get this one out of the way. I slid my hand into Matt's as we got out of the Aspen and walked into the Dairy Queen. The workers inside all had huge smiles on their faces as the boys sprinted through the door and up to the counter before Matt and I had even gotten to the sidewalk. At that time all three ordered the same thing every time: a twisted cone with sprinkles. Twisted meant it had vanilla on one side and chocolate on the other.
After they'd destroyed their treats Matt and I wiped their mouths with napkins before we loaded them back into the car. It was a ten minute drive back home and then it was showtime. These were the days when Matt and I started getting good at communicating telepathically when it came to the boys. The look in his eyes said that he knew that I knew that I was going to put this into words a 4 year old could understand a lot better than he could. And on top of that, Danny really needed to hear it from me.
We sat the boys down on the couch in the living room while Matt and I sat down on the loveseat. They looked at us intently and I took a deep breath.
"Jack asked me a question earlier that I think all three of you want to know the answer to," I began. They looked at me intently and I knew they knew what I was talking about.
"Everyone has a mother but not everyone has a mom," I said and they looked at me kind of confused. I figured it was also time to let Danny know the truth. I took a deep breath and sighed.
"Danny's mommy and daddy are in heaven so he lives with us. Some boys marry boys and some boys marry girls. Some girls marry girls too. It's all normal."
They looked at each other, Jack shrugged his shoulders, and then they went back to playing.
"That was easier than I thought it would be," I said to Matt.
With that crisis solved I went back about my business. Matt and I were just as happy as we were before all this and that was something I never thought was possible after some of the issues we'd had. Everything was going well until it wasn't.
Early one morning I got up at 3:30 AM to get ready before I had to head to the airport. As I was getting the coffee pot started I noticed that the toilet was still running long after I'd flushed it. Thinking nothing of it I went back in there to fix it and lifted the lid off the tank. Inside was a half-empty bottle of vodka. My eyes were as wide as saucers.
Hey everyone, thanks for reading! Sorry for how long it took to get this one up, my personal life got really crazy for a minute there. Thank you so much for being patient and as always, please let me know what you think at AlexCenturyErotica@yahoo.com. I love hearing from my readers and I always write back. I hope to hear from you and stay tuned!