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Symmetry-10
Evan's Story
Evan sat up and looked at Ron who was lying next to him. His green eyes had darkened as they continued to demand a response to his question. Evan knew that look; it expressed Ron's anger when things went unexpectedly and it was directed him.
"What? You can't be serious," Evan said.
"You heard me. Is this about you or Cece?" Ron said unwaveringly.
"How can you ask that? Ron, I...I...."
"You what?"
Images ran through Evan's mind. They strung themselves together in his head, forming a collage of contrasting colors and shapes. One thing was clear, his world as he knew it had ceased to exist since the moment the two of them had admitted their feelings. His world had changed; that was a big deal.
"It's just too...too...soon, too sudden. I'm still wrapping my head around this. I'm ready for you, I'm ready to love you. You know that. I'm not ready to tell Cece. I'll be ready soon, I promise," Evan said looking pleadingly into Ron's eyes with as much love as he could transmit. If he ever lost Ron, his world, this new world would be over. He needed Ron on his side, by his side. There was only one way and Ron was it. Surely, Ron understood how profoundly their connection went?
"Okay." Ron said and his green eyes relaxed and lost their incensed look.
Two weeks later and Evan knew he still wasn't ready to tell. Ron had not asked him about it anymore but he knew it was simmering under some surface, somewhere. The issues with Cece and her husband's political life had somewhat mellowed out. However, she still remained cautious. His new job was challenging and unexpectedly demanding but Evan loved. And Ron. Ron was writing with a zeal that overrode any doubts that he was meant to be writer. More than once, Evan had woken up in the middle of the night to find Ron starring at his computer screen, his fingers running over the keys without pause. The creative juices were flowing and Ron was the source. During those moments, Evan would watch shocked anew by the intensity of the man before him. How did he get so lucky? They were still so high on each other and they kept reeling with the bliss their feelings afforded them.
If he had not told Cece about Ron, there was no way he was gong to tell his parents who had both called him coincidentally on Sunday. His dad calling after he and Ron had returned from a vigorous squash match and his mum later that evening, as they made out lazily on the couch. It had not crossed his mind to tell his parents about Ron. Why should he? They had washed their hands off him and Cece and had instead chosen to pursue their own lives selfishly. The phone calls were simply a means to diminish their guilt. Evan felt that the only connection that was left with his parents was the DNA, the detached chatter once every other week and the trust fund he thought little about. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw did not matter. Really, they didn't.
Ron's Story
His mum never called him in the office. Never. That is why he was startled to find a message awaiting him on his after his lunch break on Friday. Now he was driving to his parent's home replaying the message in his head.
"Ronald, this is your mother. We need to talk. Come over after work. I am very disappointed in you." That is the terse message he found. He replayed it mentally, unable to believe the chilliness in his mum's voice. He could never have believed his mum had that tone in her repertoire.
He pulled up the driveway of his childhood home. His mum's car was parked in the driveway and he felt dread run through his spine. He knew instinctively what was at stake. The front door was open so he let himself in, inhaling the fragrance that he had grown up taking for granted, but now it hit him as distinctly homely and magnificent.
"Mum!" he called walking in through the lobby.
"I'm in the kitchen." Did her voice sound a little cold?
He braced himself and headed in the direction of the voice. He found his mother sitting in the large breakfast nook, students' papers covering every square inch of the table, her glasses perched on her high nose looking like the stern professor Ron knew she wasn't. He stood at the doorway looking at her trying to discern what was going through that smart brain.
"Sit," she said watching his every move until he was settled across from her on the large oak table. She looked at him, studying him as if she couldn't figure him out. Ron remained stoic awaiting her wrath.
"Why didn't you tell me? What were you thinking? Why? I mean, why didn't you tell me?" She never asked one question at a time.
"About what?" Ron replied trying to bid his time. He knew exactly what.
"About Evan."
"Oh."
"I had to literally force it out of your father. I knew he was hiding something from me. I just knew it. I sensed it two weeks ago. He told me this morning." Ron should have known. His parents never kept secrets from each other. Once when he was younger and just discovering how to pleasure his body, he had confided in his dad that he had pulled out white stuff out of his wiener because he had sensed since his dad had the same equipment, he would understand. It had been meant to be Top Secret. The next morning at breakfast his mum had said "Your father tells me you pulled out white stuff out of your wiener." Telling his father something was like telling his mother and vice versa. Now he looked for words to explain himself.
"Oh," he uttered. That is a word, isn't it?
"Don't "oh" me. When were you going to tell me? I am your mother, you know."
"I was waiting for the right time. I knew you'd be upset. I didn't know how to tell you."
"You're right, Ronald. I am upset. Really upset."
"But..."
"No, no, it's my turn since you couldn't talk with me before. I am upset that you did not want to share with me the biggest thing that's happening in your life. You must have somehow found me unworthy of this information. I mean, you told your father. I should have been a part of that. It's always been about the three of us. You excluded me deliberately. Why didn't you have faith in me?" She ended it on a sad note.
"It's not that. I know how you have dreams of me meeting a nice girl and starting a family. Mum, it's all you talk about. You even named my children. How am I supposed to tell you when you've had this dream for so long? I did not want to take that away." It made perfect sense to Ron.
"Forget the children. Those were my silly wishes. Don't you know that more than that I want you to be happy? That's all that matters. Your father and I, that's all we want for you. And now you've found someone and you're in love and that's important." Oh god, she was going to start crying. Ron could see the tears glittering in her eyes.
Oh shit! Ron felt the tears form in his own eyes. In an effort to fight them, he started talking. He told his mother everything. From the first time he had sensed his burgeoning feelings for Ron all those months back, to the squash moment, to the sleepless nights of torment, to Evan saying he loved him, to the present moment. He left out the sweet fucking. The words kept the tears away. His mother cried.
"Why are you crying?" Ron felt his heart constrict at the sight before him
"You and Evan; both of you are so strong. You'll do just fine." Ron walked around the table and hugged his mother, kissing the top of her curly-haired head.
Ron tried not to think about it as he sat majestically naked staring blankly at the computer screen. It was 3 o'clock in the morning and the ideas had not stopped assaulting his mind. Finally, he had left Evan's sleeping form and headed to his desk. He needed to write and when that need assailed him, he responded to it immediately. Now, he tried to push the thoughts away from his mind. He turned around and looked at the bed where Evan lay, halfway uncovered and tangled up in the sheets, the bottom of his magnificent left ass cheek exposed. His now boyish-looking face was slightly upturned allowing Ron to once again be in awe of how splendidly that visage was put together. Ron knew for a fact that he was passionately, madly, single-mindedly in love with Evan and that love seemed to grow with every passing day. They were now almost a month into their relationship and the desire had not abated. Everything was perfect. Well, almost.
Ron turned back to his screen in an effort to distract himself from his innermost, haunting thoughts. Perhaps he was being irrational about the whole thing. Perhaps he expected too much too soon but come on; this was the love of his life. He felt entitled to his feelings about the subject. The subject, now that it had taken over his mind, involved Evan and his reluctance to tell his family about their relationship. They had celebrated to no end the fact that his own parents had been so accepting. When he had told Evan about his mum's reaction a week ago, Evan had picked up the phone and called her to express his gratitude. Ron had watched fascinated as Evan and his mum shared an almost thirty- minute conversation (given, she did most of the talking and Evan only had opportunities to give short or half-answers). Ron had been so moved as he had watched the exchange. It had meant so much to him and he wanted the same; he wanted Cece to know that they were now more than best friends and he wanted Evan's parents to understand that their son had found someone to love and be loved by. Perhaps he was asking too much. How did these things work? How did other gay men deal with this stuff? Was it okay to demand more? Did he have any rights to demand more? Was it normal to want...
"Baby, how is it going?" he heard Evan's deep, sleep-stained voice ask, knocking him out of his thoughts.
"Fine. Go back to sleep. It's still dark out," Ron said in a low voice and turned to face Evan's slowly rousing form.
"How's the writing? I didn't hear you typing," Evan said supporting his torso on his elbows.
"I was just thinking. I stopped writing a while ago. Is my desk light bothering you? I can turn..." Ron said gesturing to his writing light.
"No, it's fine. What are you thinking about? Is the plot giving you problems again?" Evan asked. The last time Ron had admitted the plot was problematic, they had ended up fucking like crazy on the chair in front of the computer in search of "inspiration". This was different.
"No, the writing is fine. I was thinking about other stuff."
"You feel like talking about it?" Evan asked.
"Go back to sleep, babe."
"I'm awake. What is it?" As if to prove his point Evan sat upright and leaned against the headboard. Even at three in the morning the man was a sight to behold, Ron thought. Running his hands through his curly hair, Ron wondered if now was a good time. It was as good a time as any.
"Evan, when are you going to tell Cece, or your parents or anyone?" Ron said and then focused his eyes on Evan, trying to catch his eyes in the dimly lit room.
"I thought you said I could wait till I was ready," Evan said.
"That was a while back. I told everyone, Evan. My parents know, Uncle Leo and his family know, my mum told my grandparents, everyone knows. They know about you. They know you exist for me. They know of your place in my life and they're happy for me, for us. Don't you see?"
"It's not so simple. I mean...I am not...I cannot...I am not at the point where I can do it...that. Cece is not ready," Evan said slowly, searching for words and failing to get them.
"Stop that! Stop saying Cece is not ready. You are not ready. Why?" Ron could feel his anger mount. This was so infuriating.
"You know that I love you. You don't doubt that, do you?" Evan asked softly.
"No, of course not. You love me. So, tell them," Ron said.
"I can't. Really, I just can't...not now..." Evan said his voice weakening.
"What do you mean you can't? I told everyone, Evan. My mum and my dad, they.."
"You can be so blind sometimes. You don't get it!" Evan cut him off sharply.
"What?! I don't get it?! Evan, I' m the one who came out to my whole family. I get it!" Ron said, his voice rising in anger.
"You don't get it!" Evan shouted his voice sounding hollow and sharp. "Not every body is as fucking lucky as you! You with your worldly, liberal, PhD-holding, faultless parents! They fucking adore you! The dinners, the funny stories, the shows, the i-love- yous. Ron, you can do no wrong in your parent's eyes. You are so precious to them. You can't fucking know!"
"What?!" Ron had not expected that response and it shocked him. He was speechless. Evan had never spoken to him like that before. The anger, the emotions were so raw. Ron felt his body tremble.
"Yeah, not everyone is as lucky as you. Surprised? Well, how about this? I can say with absolute sincerity that I possess no fond childhood memories of my parents. None. My father worked all the time and when he wasn't in his office, he partied with his rich friends and my mum planned the parties and got her hair and nails done. They are and have always been so overbearingly egocentric! My father thought that the best way he could be a dad was to make sure I had a ridiculously high allowance, credit cards and anything money could buy. My mum thought the best way she could be a mum was to hire a nanny from the most expensive and exclusive agency. There. Don't you see; I am not like you. I can assure you that my parents will not fucking want to take you to dinner or talk with you on the fucking phone!"
Ron was stunned. It was the first time Evan had talked extensively about his childhood. They had shared their childhood interests and experiences before but Evan had never opened up about his parents like that. Even when he explained his parent's divorce and subsequent relationships, he had done it in a very detached and factual manner, devoid of emotions. Hearing the anger in Evan's voice made Ron want to punch a large hole into the wall. How could anyone hurt his Evan?
"I had no idea, baby. I'm so sorry. I wish I..." Ron started only to be cut off.
"Don't be sorry. I have learnt not to be hurt by it anymore. I grew up with them like that and I never expected better. It was just the way things were. I attended the best schools, played sports in exclusive summer camps, vacationed the world, I got so much. How could I complain? I thought that was how it was meant to be. I am doing fine. Look at me, my job, my sister and now us." Evan spoke in a low voice that cracked with emotion.
"But baby..." Ron tried but was cut off immediately
"Ron, I wasn't lonely. No. Cece and I, we always had each other. I had always been comfortable with that." Evan paused.
"I..." Ron tried again.
"And then I met you and now I love you with a passion that threatens to uproot everything I have ever believed in. Ron, I'm so happy your family knows. I have never met parents more worthy than yours. Your parents deserve to be a part of this because it means something to them, because they are so selfless when it comes to you. Why should I share this with my parents? It is mine, it is ours, and they have no rights to it. Ron, they do not deserve to be told because they know nothing of love."
"What about Cece?" Ron heard Evan sigh dejectedly and it broke his heart.
"She must be told. I'm just so scared of losing her." That was it. Ron got up, turned of his desk light and walked to the bed. In the dark, he knelt on the bed between Evan's spread legs, took his hands and brought them to his lips. He could feel Evan's poignant eyes boring into his own and they held their gaze even in the darkness. He heard and felt Evan moving from his sitting position and in the next moment he felt those strong arms encircle him. Ron returned the embrace, his ears overwhelmed by the pounding in his head. Evan's naked body pressed hard against him, his arms tightening around Ron's back. All the emotions of the night blended into that embrace. Ron shifted his knee and Evan must have thought he was letting go.
"Don't...," Evan whispered desperately.
"I won't," Ron promised. How could he ever let him go? Needing to seal his promise, he kissed the hot pulsating skin on Evan's neck and that unique scent filled his nostrils and rose into his head intoxicating him. He tightened his hold around Evan literally attempting to pull that hot body into his own; hard maleness against hard maleness. When Evan said Ron's name in an anguished whisper, Ron knew what he had to do to take away the pain. He grazed his teeth along Evan's neck, biting gently as he went along, his strong hands kneading the hard muscles on Evan's back down to his clenched ass cheeks.
"You are mine!" The words jumped out of Ron with such power, they came out as a breathless and raspy shout into the night.
"Show me!" Evan commanded as their rapidly awakening cocks crushed against each other.