Okay, this is not a story with a whole lot of sex. Some will come in here and there, but it is not the central theme. It's a story about love between men and self-acceptance, kinda like all of my stories are.
If you're under 18 or 21 or whatever, be aware that in some odd corner of the universe, you could possibly be breaking the law.
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IMPORTANT!!! This story includes excerpts of Paul & Morgan's memoir, which I will separate from the rest of the story with asteriks like the one's below. If this is confusing, e-mail me and let me know and I will try to figure something else out!
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Part Twelve
My insides were quaking but I knew I had to do this. I mean, I didn't have to do it, but I had to do it. I made a promise to myself that I was going to come out to Mike. Not just because he's my closest friend and he deserves to know...but mainly because I need to get some practice in on telling people so that Skit can understand how serious I am about him.
I talked to the MP about it...and all they could tell me was the usual parental bullshit about being true to yourself, making good choices, taking your time to figure things out. Well, sometimes, you don't need to take your time to figure things out. Sometimes, you just know.
And being with Skit was making me happier than I ever imagined being. I mean, I was okay before, but I was never...totally happy. Which is the way I am now that I get to spend most of my free time with Skit. Fuck, I've got this huge, ginormous grin on my face all the time and I've never had it before.
And he doesn't even have to do anything! I can just sit in the same room with him while he paints and I work on something else and I'm happier than ever. When I am with him, I feel like I belong. And I never want to lose that.
I never felt like I belonged with the guys on the football team. The only person who ever made me feel even remotely as comfortable in my own skin as I do when I'm with Skit is Mike. That's why I want to be honest with him about whats going on with me.
I will admit that I am scared about coming out. Just a few weeks ago, I didn't even want to work at the gay antique shop, but that was mainly because I was in denial about a lot of things...and some things I just ignored instead of trying to figure them out.
Now that I am taking the time out to really think about things, to think about what I want, I am trying to do the things that will make me happy.
So, I have this plan. And I'm going to stick to it no matter what.
First, I'm gonna tell Mike that I'm gay. And that should be cool because Mike is not the kind of guy who will rag on you about shit like that. I mean, he's no fucking gaybasher - first off, I'd kick his ass hands down - and he's not the kind of person who would be intolerant or prejudiced, you know?
Then, I am going to tell my parents. I have it planned to tell them at the end of the week because we'll all be home at the same time and they can sit down and talk to me about it. I'm not sure how it will go exactly because the only time we've ever talked about homosexuality at all was when I told them that I didn't want to work at the gay antique shop. And they made me do it anyway. So, I hope they don't change their attitude when they find out that its their son whose gay and not just some people that I work for.
The doorbell rang and I knew that it was Mike, coming over to play videogames. I also mentioned to him that I wanted to tell him something.
I opened the door and he stood on the other side, grinning at me.
"What's up, fucker?" he asked cheerfully and I smiled, letting him in. He was holding his Madden game, extra game controller and a two-liter of grape soda. I led him into the den where I had our usual bag of doritos, plastic cups and some huge pillows on the floor in front of the TV.
He plopped down in his usual spot and started messing around with the game console, putting in a memory stick and plugging in his controller. He started the game and I sat down next to him.
He was loading up his team and I was opening the bag of doritos when he glanced over at me.
"So, what's up with you?" he asked and I offered him the bag. He dug in and grabbed a handful and sat muching on them while I thought of what to say next.
"Um...I'm dating someone," I said after a minute. I had thought of everything but exactly how I was gonna tell him that I was gay.
He looked at me, then grinned.
"Girlfriend?" he exclaimed. "Like you're going out...not just a date?"
"Uh-yeah..except-" I started but he cut me off.
"I didn't even know you were going out on any dates," he said. "You didn't tell me that you asked anybody out. Is it a new girl from your job?"
"Uh...no," I said. "Yeah, we met at the antique store, but we know each other from school, too."
"You mean, she goes to West Central?" he asked, his eyebrows lifted. "And you got up the balls to ask her out. Why didn't you tell me about her?"
It was now or never.
"Him. He goes to West Central. Skit Tyler," I said and he was completely silent. Dumbfounded, really.
"What the fuck?" he asked, barely a whisper and he was staring at me. I threw him a shaky grin.
"You told me to be nice to him," I reminded him and he was still silent. I sat there for a minute, waiting for him to say something...and when he didn't I started munching nervously on the doritos.
"Anyway," I said when the silence was too much for me, "you're the first person I've told."
"You're serious," he stated, like he was telling himself that. I nodded.
"Yeah," I said. "You were right. He's cool."
"You're not gay," he said.
"Yeah, I am," I said. He stared.
"No fucking way," he said.
"Yes fucking way," I said, then because my chin was wobbling a little. "I'm still me."
That seemed to shake him out of it a little.
"Yeah," he said softly, then louder. "Fuck, yeah, of course you're still you. I just - damn, I never thought...God, I know its wrong to say this but you don't seem gay. I mean, you would never think that you're gay, Eric. You just are the last person in the world I would think of as gay."
"I know," I said, because I did. "I didn't think I was gay, either, but then I started to think about stuff...and Skit started seeing this kid named Drew... and I've been having these feelings about him. It just all kinda happened."
"It just kinda happened that you're gay?" he asked.
"No," I said, shaking my head. "Skit...Skit and I just kinda happened. I didn't like go after him or anything like that. It was just that I kept having these feelings about him...and I was trying real hard not to have them."
"I knew Skit was gay...of course, everybody does," Mike said. "And I could tell that he was crushing on you pretty hard back when he first started at West Central, but I...it never even crossed my mind that you might like him back. I can't believe...you two are going out?"
I grinned. "Yeah," I said proudly. Skit was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I wasn't going to play that down. I wanted everybody to know that.
"Yeah, he's pretty awesome," Mike admitted. "He's been through a lot, that kid."
"I know," I said. "And I want to make him happy....he really makes me happy." I was smiling.
Mike was silent, still staring at me. He started grinning.
"Man, I don't think I've ever seen a smile so fucking big on your face," he said and started laughing. "You're so fucking gay."
I started laughing, too.
"Fuck yeah, I am," I said and that made us both laugh harder.
I walked into the loading room at the gay antique shop and came up short. Drew was standing next to Skit...and fucking close, too. This feeling flashed through me, boiling hot. I know my face turned red. Skit looked at me and his eyes got big. I walked over to them and kissed him on the cheek, ignoring Drew.
"Hey, babe," I said and he kissed me back, his hand curling around my bicep instinctively. His hair was still white-blonde...and he had on cargo pants and a black t-shirt on that had the words: Queer emblazoned in white across the front.
"Hi," he said...and he was smiling up at me. It did things to my stomach even though I was jealous and I wanted to kick Drew's ass for even breathing the same air as Skit.
Drew stared at us for a minute, then he turned on his heel and left. Fucking fine with me. Skit watched him leave and I watched Skit. When he looked at me again, I kept my face blank. I watched the play of emotions across his face. Here I was bursting with the news that I had come out to Mike and Skit was about to drop something on me, I knew it.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said quickly and I put my arms around him and made him stare at me.
"What?" I asked again. He let out a deep breath.
"Do you think...you can try to be friends with Drew?" he asked. I let him go and turned away.
"I just don't like him," I told him. His hand was on my back, small and warm, a beacon. I leaned into it.
"He's hurting, Eric," he said. I turned around.
"He was sucking on your neck," I told him accusingly. His shoulders dropped.
"One time...and I'd had a beer," he said...like that explained everything.
"So," I said stubbornly.
"And I...pretended he was you," Skit said and I looked at him. I grinned.
"Did you?" I asked.
"Yes, you cocky bastard," he said with a small smile. He came closer but didn't touch me. Putting what I wanted within my reach.
"He wants to be friends with you," Skit said. "He just doesn't know how to do it...and he's getting over me. We can help him."
"Like anybody could get over you, Skit," I said...and I meant it. He beamed at me.
"What would Jesus do?" he asked and I snickered.
"Can I try...no guarantees?" I asked distastefully. He nodded happily, so I reached out and put my arms around him again. I kissed him, for a long time, until he started squirming against me a little.
"I gotta tell you something, too," I told him. He was looking up at me, those blue eyes smoking and his lips were kinda swollen and pink. I gave him a quick peck.
"What?" he asked.
"I told Mike," I said proudly. He just stared at me.
"Told Mike what?" he asked.
"About us," I said, rolling my eyes.
He paused, then breathed hard. "You told him?"
"Yep," I said.
"What did he say?" he demanded.
"He said that I don't seem gay," I said, burying my face in Skit's neck.
"You don't," Skit admitted.
"And he said that you're awesome," I said.
"He did?" Skit asked, doubtfully.
"Yes," I said emphatically. "And he wants to hang out with us some time."
"He wants to what?" Skit asked incredulously.
"Hang out with you and me some time," I repeated, then conceded. "Maybe you can invite Drew."
At least then there would be someone to distract me from the fact that Drew was around.
I said the right thing because Skit was smiling again...and this time he stood on tiptoe and kissed me. Just when we really getting into it, Morgan cleared his throat.
"I see I'll have to separate you two," Morgan said and Skit slid off of me and a little bit away.
"Paul wants you," Morgan said to Skit and Skit left, throwing me a quick, grin
over his shoulder as he left. I was grinning back at him. watching the way his narrow hips moved underneath the khakis when Morgan patted me on the back. I looked over at Morgan and he was smiling. He handed me something. I looked down to see that it was a five-pack of condoms, multi-colored. ********************************************************** More to come!
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