Sublimation

Sublimation- Chapter 9

"Evening Mam. How many in your party tonight?" Charlene the June Bug waitress asked as Megan entered the restaurant.

"Hmm. let me count, I can't remember off bat" Megan turned around and began to count as the merry-go-round-like doors began to fill the entrance with high school kids. Charlene smiled politely but groaned inside at the realization that her potential early finish had been cancelled tonight.

"41.42.43. Anyone I'm missing?" Megan checked one last time at the doors. She noted altos Brent and Sandra happily stuck inside the doorframe, engaging in a passionate kiss. "45" she concluded with a smile. She knew if the kids felt comfortable enough to kiss around her she was doing a damn good job.

"Shall we pull some tables together for you?" Charlene asked

"Oh. just give us that half of the restaurant- we'll figure something out." Megan responded, carefree. Charlene was irked, but she headed off to grab a load of menus. She'd wait to see how they took to the gratuity.

Andy gazed in all directions as he and Seth walked in.

"Wow. This place is really.um."

"Random?" Seth completed

"Yeah" Andy decided. June Bug was the manifestation of the adage "one man's junk is another's treasure". The place was littered with all sorts of strange paraphernalia that managed to pass as art. The company had also managed to acquire spoof versions of famous art pieces, in which hamburgers were thrown into the paintings along with the subjects. The ceilings were covered with model airplanes; televisions glued to cartoon network were embedded in the floor. The place had been around for years, but Andy had never ventured inside, not wanting to associate with what he had perceived as inferior groups.

"I've never been in a place like this" Andy noted.

"Really? That's too bad. Everyone needs a little bit of June Bug in their life" Seth philosophized.

Wendy hollered over at the pair. "The tables are almost full you guys"

"That's okay," Seth replied, "We'll take a booth over here". Andy did a little dance in his mind.

*** Lisa Eldredge was working in the kitchen at June Bug, busily grilling hamburgers and preparing sauces and condiments. Normally she didn't mind her work so much- the pay was pretty good. But tonight, she had a funny feeling that something wasn't quite right. It was nagging her to no end, but she couldn't figure out what it was.

"Looks like things are going to speed up a bit," Charlene told her as she came in to refill some water pitchers. "The equivalent of 2 high school classes just decided to drop it."

Lisa smiled. "Well, lets show the new manager what we can do. It's a good opportunity"

"You're always so damn positive. What's your secret?"

"Free mozzarella sticks" she laughed. "But don't tell"

"Yeah, yeah" Charlene headed back out to the tables.

Lisa turned back to her work, finishing a sandwich and placing it up on the ledge. As she did, she saw a few of the members of the group that had just come in, wearing the letterman jacket of her school. She considered for a moment who it might be. No, the football game wasn't tonight. it must be the choir. Which meant Mark would probably be around!

"Hey Charlene!" she called

"What?"

"Let me help you out with the choir kids. I want to go see my brother for a bit."

"Fine, fine," Charlene replied, "But no doo-da-ing around- we're here to work, not to have fun."

"Aw, what kind of attitude is that?"

*** Andy and Seth had not been able to stay seated very long before the lure of the arcade had drawn them into its grasp. Seth had just won his second race in a row on the new Crusing game.

"Let me in there already! You're gonna have this game beat by the time we gotta order!"

Seth laughed and stood up. "She's all yours. Enjoy Lombard Street, San Francisco."

Andy sat down triumphant, secretly wondering what made Lombard Street famous enough for a driving game. He hoped it was the scenery.

A minute into the race, Andy wasn't doing so good. He had managed to flip the car twice already. He was beginning to lose patience when he felt a pair of hands set down upon his shoulders.

"Relax. Don't drive angry. You're the champ, not the chimp"

"He touched me" Andy silently acknowledged. In that moment, an incredible feeling washed over Andy. He thought he had finally gotten under control- he thought he could think of Seth as just a friend. But it was all back again. The pull, the attraction. And all the fears of what it meant to counter the positive feelings. Andy realized then that no matter what he did, he would never be able to repress his feelings for Seth. It all hit him at once, and his heart burned.

"Well, there goes the race" Seth noted as Andy's car flew off the hill upside down.

"Fuck it" Andy said, heading back to the table. Seth followed behind, trying to discern his behaviors.

"Aw, not gonna be a sore loser now are you?" he asked as they sat back down. Andy huffed and grabbed a menu as Charlene came by.

"What can I get you boys to drink tonight?"

"I'll have one of those strawberry mixers" Seth replied. He nudged Andy. "Hey, hotshot. Order your drink."

"Drinks. drink it away" Andy thought silently.

"Andy?" Seth asked.

Andy scanned the menu and cussed in frustration. "Just give me the orange mixer"

"I don't think you're old enough Sir" Charlene told Andy as he finished his order. Andy reached for his pocket to pull out the fake ID that Nick had gotten him, but Seth reached over with his hand and caught Andy's hand in his pocket.

"Don't push it- its obvious we're high school students" Seth whispered to Andy. "My friend was referring to the virgin drink," he told Charlene. She obliged and hurried off to the kitchen.

Andy was still as a statue. Seth had done it again. But now, Andy felt a reaction within his loins. He shook his head and trembled. The rise subsided, but now Andy knew he wouldn't be able to drink this away.

"Hello?" Seth called, waving his hand in front of Andy's face.

"Fuck off!" Andy cried.

Seth looked at him. His solid expression and his eyes slowly turned Andy's anger to shame.

"I don't deserve that, and you know it."

Andy wanted to melt, but he let his ego get the better of him. "Who the fuck do you think you are to order me around, asshole!"

Seth layed back in the seat- he wasn't going to let Andy get to him. "I don't order you around Andy. The only one doing that is your God-damned pride."

"Pride! What the fuck do you know about pride! Unlike you, some of us actually have to work to get respect in the world!"

Seth looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Everyone loves you Seth! They all think I'm destined to be a loser! They've always thought that! The only reason everybody doesn't treat me like crap is because I can beat the hell out of them!"

Seth stared back at him. "Is that what you really think?"

"Fuck yeah! Why would it be any different? Andy the asshole, king of the school!"

Seth's head waved in disagreement. "Can't you see? Can't you see that it doesn't have to be that way?"

"It IS that way. Moaning and crying like a fag over it isn't going to change things."

"Uh-huh. I'm sure you're an expert on that." Andy's jaw dropped, and Seth cursed himself for blabbing out the statement in total insensitivity.

But before he could apologize, Andy's fist flew out towards Seth's face. There was a flash of movement, and Andy felt pain shoot through his joints. Instinctually, his joints twisted opposite to avoid the pain, and before he knew it, Seth had trapped his arm in a painful hold on the table. Andy could not move without making it worse.

"I can kick your ass.don't tempt me" Andy grunted quietly.

Seth would have laughed, but it had gone too far. "The only person you need to beat is yourself. I wish you'd see that I'm not your enemy- none of us are. Kicking me out of your life won't make that pain go away Andy."

Andy made a noise that Seth later reasoned was a masculine version of a whimper.

"I hate you" he whispered, "You always make me feel powerless. Let me go, you mother-fucker."

"Allright. Fine. If that's what you really feel. But hear me out this last time before you shut me out for good." Seth was shivering, beginning to lose his hold on Andy. "I do have people that can't stand me, and before this month is over, you'll meet them. But this is about you. If you don't acknowledge who you are, you'll destroy yourself."

Seth released Andy. Andy stood up to leave.

"Don't go Andy"

Andy's face was flushed with tears, his pent up emotion bleeding all over it. He wanted Seth to hurt, just as he did.

"I wish I'd never met you! Go to hell, you butt-fucking faggot! I know that's where God will send you!"

Andy rushed out of the restaurant, knocking over a waitress. Lisa looked up at him as he pushed out the door. "Andy." she murmured in astonishment. Andy though, had not seemed to notice his old girlfriend.

Seth got up quietly and walked to the restroom. His technique had been good enough to keep things relatively quiet, and though only a few had overheard, he wasn't about to ruin it. He walked in to the restroom and looked around. Empty. Seth walked over to the sink, layed his head down, and cried.

A couple of minutes later, Mark Eldredge opened the door to the guy's restroom and peeked in. His group had overheard Andy yelling at Seth from his nearby booth and saw Andy and Seth go off. He had agreed to investigate. Seth was sitting on the floor against the wall, a distant look in his now reddened and puffy eyes.

"Seth? What are you doing?"

Seth didn't look over. "I really have no idea."

Mark came over and crouched down. "You ought to get off that floor. Its probably pretty nasty."

"The world is nasty. This floor doesn't bother me nearly as much as people do."

Against his judgment, Mark joined him on the floor. "Was Andy giving you shit?" Seth was silent.

"He's a complete asshole Seth. I'd avoid him if I were you." Mark told him.

"I'm not giving up on him. I'm the only one who can get through to him- at this point anyway."

"Look at what he's doing to you man! Seth, you're one of the nicest people I've ever met. Andy however, has done nothing but torture people. Come on, let's go back to a table."

Mark got Seth off the floor, helped him clean up a bit, then accompanied him back to the table Andy and Seth had used. Seth noticed a glean of hatred in Mark's eyes as Seth described what had happened. He called him on it.

"What did he do to you, Mark? You seem to have a particular grudge against him."

"Not me Andy. Lisa, my sister. She works here, actually."

Seth sat down at his table again, and Mark joined him, filling Andy's vacancy. "Tell me what happened with her."

Mark closed his eyes for a second, and then began to speak.

"Lisa and Andy used to be together. As short ago as last summer, they were a couple. She liked him- I could never understand why. But on the day they broke up, she came home with a black eye and. blood stains, down there." Mark squeezed the peppershaker, futilely trying to make it pay for his hurt . "She lied to my parents, but I knew better. All of these kind of guys are the same."

Seth was regaining his composure. "His background shouldn't matter to you. `Judge not, that you be judged.' I don't think you enjoy it when people stereotype you"

"Oh, for being a `Jesus freak'?" Mark grinned a little. "But my faith is nothing to be ashamed of. Jesus died for my sins, and I'll proclaim that to the world. Andy though- he's headed right for the pit."

That set Seth off. "How dare you! You don't have any idea about that state of his soul, and nobody is headed for any fiery pit anyway! His actions are one thing, but you have no right to judge his soul." Seth replied, adamantly.

Mark bit his lip. "Funny, I thought you were a Christian too. I've heard you quote the Savior many times. Although, I've never seen you at any of the youth group events or meetings, and my friends and I haven't seen you at any of the churches in town."

"I don't feel comfortable at any of those places. I'm focusing on good works right now anyways."

"So, are you a Christian?" Mark asked.

Seth thought for a moment. "Well, that depends on what you define as Christian."

"Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, who died for your sins?"

Seth shook his head. "You've got it all wrong Mark. That's not what Christianity is about. And he didn't even die on the cross anyways."

Mark was stunned. "That's the most insane thing I've ever heard. You may be a nice guy, but you sure don't know anything about God."

"That's what they told him too."

"Who?"

"Jesus" Seth said as he got up. "I got to go Mark. Andy needs my help- even if it hurts, I may be the only one he will listen to. I've seen the good in him, I know what he's going through, and I know in my soul that I can help him"

Andy was running again. He found himself running across the parking lot, into the woods. Then, he was running through blackberry bushes, careless of the thorns as they cut into his skin.

Finally, he cleared the bushes and found himself at the top of a hill. He was lost, but he didn't care. The valley fanned out below him, and above him the full moon stared down at him, as if to chastise him.

He sank to his feet and screamed at the top of his voice. His wail echoed throughout the hills. Unbeknownst to him, the parabolic shape of the hills amplified his keen at a point a few miles away. A group of children ran in terror from the "haunted" grove they were investigating; to later inform their parents that the local legend of the Banshee was a reality.

Andy poured out sound until his throat hurt so much that it silenced him. He collapsed onto the ground, and his tears poured onto the grass, to mingle with the dew that was beginning to collect upon the blades. His energy was gone, and he felt so weak that he couldn't move.

He was powerless. Powerless against the judgment of the world, powerless against the throne he had to occupy, powerless against who he was. He rolled his head barely to look at the moon. Once, he had been so confidant- a king among peers. Now, nothing would ever be the same. He didn't know who he was now, or worse- who he would become. Glancing at the lunar surface through wet eyes, he wouldn't have been surprised if he had started sprouting fur at that point. He felt like such a horrible mutant anyway. Even worse than that, he was a faggot. And the world would not let him forget that.

What would become of him now? He had no one left. His grandmother wouldn't understand. Neither would Nick, especially after what he had done to Sam. And Seth, the one person who might have, would be far from him now. It was hopeless. He would end up as nothing but a weak, feminine fag, who would travel from club to club in ridiculous clothing and probably end up infected with HIV.

Andy felt so undone that his senses blurred, drifting in and out of awareness. At first, he only felt the wet ground and the cold wind, echoes of defeat. He closed his eyes, and moved himself back to innocence, to an untouchable place in childhood.

A memory of the beach. His bare feet in the warm sands, the ocean spray blowing in his hair. Waves slowly pressing, then retreating in cycle. The clouds, purple and pink, streamed across the evening sky. He was young, and his father and his life were far away. And the ocean- it too, had no memory. Andy wanted to stay there forever. Perhaps he would.

His mind stayed there, though he felt a vague sensation of being lifted. He kept his eyes closed and lay on the beach.