String Bean, Chapter 2
That evening, Laura cooked a beef roast as the centerpiece of a welcome dinner for Lyman. With mashed potatoes and green beans, and a salad, it was comfort food at its best. On top of that, she had baked a chocolate cake for dessert. Lyman was touched. He decided he would say "yes" to the offer of living and working at the stable, at least for the time-being.
After dinner, Ethan drove him to the Walmart at the edge of Marion to purchase a few practical pieces of clothing he'd need immediately, such as socks, underwear, jeans, and warm shirts for the months ahead. He looked at coats as well. It was like building up his wardrobe from scratch. At least he had the cash to do it. He'd saved as much of his military pay as he could spare, and he had the insurance money.
The third night, Roly followed Lyman into his bedroom and slept on the floor at the foot of his bed. It was as if he knew he might be needed.
Sometime in the wee hours, Lyman had a very bad dream. He cried out in his sleep and woke up with a big furry head rubbing against his shoulder. He patted it and fell back to sleep after a few minutes of talking to the dog.
The next morning, Lyman arose when he heard Ethan stirring. They met, naked, in the bathroom. Neither had worn anything to bed the previous night. Lyman was rationing underwear until he could get his new things washed, and Ethan had decided it was silly to pretend he didn't sleep in his birthday suit. He grinned as Lyman blushed.
"Hey, let's not be embarrassed. They called us `privates' in the army but it was anything but private. We shared open showers in the field - when we could get them. And, after our weekend of R and R in Manbij, I don't think we have a lot of secrets."
"Um, about that weekend, I didn't mean to end up wrapped around you all night."
"As I recall, it was mostly me holding you. We didn't cross the line."
"No, but it felt very intimate."
"Was that a bad thing? You'd lost Kevin and your family all at the same time. I was still reeling from nearly getting killed by a road-side bomb. You were my support through a couple of those endless nights."
"I just didn't want you to think I was using you as a substitute for my boyfriend."
"If anyone was using anyone, it was mutual."
"Ethan, you saved my life back then. You gave me the strength not to wander into enemy territory and make a target of myself."
"Wow, it really was mutual then! You kept me from taking the easy way out too. I'm so glad we survived and I'm really happy you're here with me," Ethan sniffled as he pulled Lyman into a hug.
They stood there with soul-cleansing tears streaming down their faces. Roly's whimper broke the spell, bringing them back to reality and making them realize they'd both begun to chub up from their close contact.
"Um, sorry," Lyman mumbled, as he looked down at his rising problem.
"Don't be," Ethan grinned. "I suspect both of us have been celibate for a while."
As they worked together that day, there seemed to be bit of distance between them. Lyman paid attention to everything Ethan was teaching him about the job, but he appeared to zone-out during odd moments when he was doing something that didn't require thought.
Before bedtime that night, Lyman opened up about what was on his mind.
"About this morning, I promise I won't try to convert you to my orientation. The `gay-agenda' is a myth invented by people like my parents."
"Don't obsess, Man. We have a deep emotional connection. We've been through hell, and we walked the road back out hand in hand."
"You're right, of course. I know it'll take time for me to move on. I loved Kevin. We were soulmates. But we both knew I might not return. Before I left, I made him promise he'd find another guy if I didn't."
"And did he make you promise the same?"
"Yeah, he did. I was sure he'd be fine, but I did make the same promise to him."
"So, if you should find a special someone, you'd have Kevin's blessing?"
"Yes, I guess I would," Lyman sighed. "I'm so screwed up in my mind."
Having had that discussion, the two young men seemed more tranquil. No one was expecting anything of the other, except understanding. As a result, their souls became more closely knit together.
After living with each other for a month, they could finish the other's sentences. They laughed and teased a lot – just like a couple of brothers.
When Jordan and Jackson came home for Thanksgiving break, they noticed how close the two had become.
"Lyman's the best thing that's happened to Ethan in a long time," Jordan remarked.
"Yup, next to Roly anyway. If I didn't know better, I'd say those two were headed for the altar. They remind me of you and me," Jackson agreed. "Do you think they might be falling in love? It's kinda quick if they are."
"Who knows? I'm not sure how quick it is. How long did it take us to become a couple?"
"You're right, it HAS been like a whirlwind. In our case, we both knew we liked other guys. I'm not sure if Ethan has the same thing going on in his head. Besides, it hasn't been a whole year since Lyman lost his boyfriend. That's got to be tough. I don't know how I'd move on if I lost you." Jackson shuddered. "It would be like losing my whole family."
"But you'd have to. I'd want you to. You're too sweet a guy to end up alone. And you wouldn't lose my family either way."
"I feel the same about you. I don't even want to think about the possibility! Hold me tight and let's dwell on happier thoughts!
Laura made the traditional holiday meal with the help of "her four boys." The young men pitched in so the burden wouldn't all fall on her. Jordan and Jackson put the green bean casserole together while Ethan and Lyman baked the pies.
They all received compliment for their contributions. However, John said he could compete with the pies if someone told him which bakery to go to.
"Never, Dad," Jordan shook his head. I can't remember any pie you brought home, much less made. These guys, on the other hand, are a couple of master-bakers."
"Thankfully, your casserole was more successful than your lame pun," Laura laughed. "That one's worthy of a fifth-grader."
"Mom, I'm shocked! "You weren't supposed to get that."
"Living with your father for 25 years has been an education in double meanings."
"Um, what do you mean; didn't you just celebrate your 23rd anniversary?"
"My point exactly..."
Jordan blushed upon learning something he'd not known about his parents' relationship.
"So, you guys were `living in sin' before you tied the knot?"
"Your grandmothers thought so. We had a different perspective. Don't be judgmental. If your grandmothers were alive, they'd feel the same about Jackson and you."
"Um, sorry. I wasn't judging you. I was just repeating what people think."
"No problem. I'm teasing," Laura grinned. "But we need to break the cycle of how we view others. As someone wisely said, `Let Jesus to the judging.'"
The time between school breaks went rapidly. There was about a month of classes left before Christmas vacation. Jordan and Jackson were busy with everything they had to do. It seemed like most professors assumed theirs was the only course anyone was taking.
John had a lot on his plate in resuming his old job. There had been several tech advances during his absence, and he was aware of the steep learning curve during the first several weeks. He would master it, but it would be time-consuming.
Ethan and Lyman had their hands full too. The recently completed additional stables needed to be properly outfitted for the horses on the waiting list.
They also spent some time checking with a counselor on which core classes they needed to take to get their two-year degrees, and which would transfer to the university with no problems.
Some grim remembrances would soon be marked, if not celebrated. It was in December that Kevin had died. John and Ethan had had their close call the same month. And, of course, Jackson might have frozen to death shortly before the New Year had he not been rescued by a big dog.
"I got an email from Kevin's parents today inviting me to a grave-side memorial service to commemorate the anniversary of his passing. They're planning to bury his ashes. Um, I probably should attend. What do you think?" Lyman asked of Ethan.
"When and where will it be held? I believe you should go if they want you, and if it won't mess you up emotionally. I'd be happy to drive you there if it's not clear across the country. Even then, I might be persuaded."
"It's in Peoria. I looked the distance up on MapQuest and it's about a three-hour drive each way. They want to do it next weekend, which is pretty short notice. What about our chores? We can't dump them on John and Laura."
"That's not a bad drive. The boys will be home from college by then and I'm sure they'll take care of the chores. It should work out fine."
Jordan suggested that Ethan should take his Jeep for the trip. It might not be as posh as Laura's sedan, but it was more fun to drive than the pickup, which might be needed for hauling stuff while they were away.
Ethan accepted the offer, feeling he should get over his dread of driving a vehicle like the one he'd nearly been killed in. Facing his fears head-on had always been his way of dealing with them.
So, early on Saturday morning, the two departed for Illinois. Not surprisingly, Laura sent a Thermos of hot chocolate and several things for them to snack on.
The young men talked about the weather and inconsequential things for the first half hour. Then everything got quiet. Ethan initially assumed Lyman had drifted off, but after seeing tears flowing down his cheeks, realized he was grieving.
"Wanna talk about it?" he asked, placing his right hand on Lyman's left.
"I guess. It's so unfair! I went into the warzone knowing I might not come back. Kevin was in the US where it's supposed to be safe. It should be my ashes being buried today, not his! Why did God take him instead of me?"
"Life doesn't always go the way we think it should, logically. I don't believe God took him. I think it was all the fault of an impaired driver. Shit happens. My therapist would say you have survivor's guilt. I've had some of that too. You're alive, and possibly for a good reason. You CAN find happiness again. I'm not saying you should ever forget Kevin. But we've already established that he wouldn't want you to quit living, and you wanted him to move on if you didn't come back."
"I know you're right," Lyman sighed. "But it's so hard!"
"I know, man. Believe me I know."
They stopped at the Spoon River rest area on I-74 about three-quarters of the distance to Peoria. It was time to stretch their legs and have some refreshments.
Despite their break, they made good time and were among the first to arrive at the cemetery. Luckily, Kevin's parents were there ahead of them, so they didn't have to search for the gravesite.
Marlys and Ted Kirchhoff hugged Lyman tightly, and embraced Ethan as well. To Ethan, they appeared to act like one's own parents should. He was glad he had the opportunity to meet them.
A few minutes later, Curt and Brittany, Kevin's siblings arrived. Brittany was home from DeKalb where she was a sophomore, and Curt was a junior at the local high school. Both were cordial and outgoing like their parents.
Almost immediately, Pastor Heather Fleer exited her car. She was dressed casually as the rest were and might have been mistaken for one of Kevin's school friends but for the colorful liturgical stole around her neck and the prayer book in hand.
Just as she was about to begin, four young men and two young women arrived in two cars. From their apparent ages, Ethan guessed they were Kevin's school chums.
The service was simple and short but meaningful to all the friends and members of the family who attended. Pastor Heather read a few passages of scripture about the hope of life beyond this world and read Kevin's obituary. The list of his survivors included his "special friend" Lyman Henderson.
Everyone was invited to share stories about Kevin, and several of them contributed. When it was his turn, Lyman found it difficult to speak. He managed to say that Kevin had meant the world to him and that they'd planned to set up housekeeping after his tour of duty.
He couldn't continue speaking because it hurt too much. Ethan put his arm around Lyman's shoulders to steady him. It was a caring touch that Marlys didn't miss.
When the stories wound down, Pastor Heather nodded to Kevin's mother who handed the urn containing his ashes to Lyman and asked him to place it in the hole near his headstone. Then, each person present was invited to sprinkle a handful of dirt. (The cemetery worker would complete the task after they'd left.)
"In committing Kevin's ashes to the ground," the minister continued, "I'm using an old English form that impressed Kevin as a teen when he heard it at his grandfather's funeral. It may sound harsh and strange to our modern ears, but I will follow it with a brighter response.
"So here goes: `In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.'
"We know Kevin is in a better place. The grave is not the end. Let us dwell on a few words from A Psalm of Life by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I want you to pay particular attention to the last part of it that I quote today," she said.
"Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal:
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul."
Pastor Heather then offered a final prayer.
"Gracious God, we commit the ashes thy servant Kevin Dean Larson Kirchhoff to their final resting place. We know he is already in paradise with you. We look forward to the time we will all meet again in that place where you will wipe away all tears. Bless all who are gathered here today. Keep us in your loving arms. Amen."
There were no dry eyes in the group when she finished.
A small procession of vehicles followed Ted and Marlys to a restaurant where they'd reserved a private room which would accommodate them away from the hubbub of the main dining area.
Marlys announced that she had paid for tickets to the buffet so each person could choose what they wanted to eat. They were welcome to go back as many times as they wished. She wanted them to relax and visit.
It didn't take long for discussions to ensue. Of Lyman's high school friends, it appeared that at least two of the guys were a couple. Though the schoolmates had more in common with each other than they did with the rest, they were careful to include Ethan and Lyman in their conversation.
Toward the end of the meal, Ethan went to find the restroom, and Marlys took the opportunity of his absence to have a more private chat with Lyman.
"I'm pleased to see you're moving on. That's a fine young man you've found. I wish you both a lot of happiness."
"Um, I haven't moved on. We're not, um, together. We work for the same man and share quarters at his stable, but we're not in love. I'm not sure he's even like me."
"Perhaps you don't think so, but I can't miss the love in his eyes. It's just like what I saw in Kevin's when he was with you."
"But he's never given any indication..."
"That's because he doesn't want to hurt you. I'll bet he'd wait a lifetime pining for you rather than to rush you before you're ready. That's real caring.
"I know you might not feel you can love again but take it from someone who's been there, it's possible. Kevin's father died when he was only a year old. There I was, a widow with a baby feeling like my world had been destroyed. Ted came along and gently filled the emptiness in my life. He even adopted Kevin and always treated him the same as the two he fathered. It's possible to go on, and you should.
"'Life is real, life is earnest, and the grave is not its goal.'"
"Thanks, Mom," Lyman whispered as he held her close to his chest while tears ran down his cheeks.
Perhaps he could find happiness yet. He had her blessing.
Author's notes: Wow! I forgot to do my usual list of thank-yous last week.
My faithful editor, David, has worked with me again on this story, and I appreciate his contribution to the effort.
I mustn't forget to mention Nifty. This site has been posting my stuff for the past 15 years. I appreciate them too and encourage readers to contribute if they can.
http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html
Of course, I should list my email, if I want people to respond. Please contact me at dlee169@hotmail.commailto:dlee169@hotmail.com if you wish to comment.
Finally, here is a list of those who have emailed since the last chapter was posted: Ott H, Paul R, Walter S, Joe W, Bill K, Tim T, Bob K, Rich H, Avid R, Randy Mac, Neal H, Marty H, Marco A, Gordon, Tom A, Hotrod, Skip M, John L, Tim W, Joe W, Bill T, and Johnathan R.
Thanks,
David