Is there really just gay and straight? Does bisexuality exist, and if it does is it always 50/50? Does it fluctuate so one day you can be really into dudes, another day really into girls? Or does it only apply to some guys or some girls - like, perhaps you're basically straight, you've got a girlfriend but there might just be that one guy you know - perhaps a friend, a classmate, a workmate - who for whatever reason, he... he bucks the rule. You find him immensely attractive. You get on with him, you don't feel the need to be too macho around him. You can be gentler, more human... It doesn't make you any less of a man, or even any less straight, or any less into women. But that guy... you think about it. You would, given the chance.
Well, I think I might be that guy perhaps. I never really fitted in with girls or most other gay guys. Not that I'm against anything, I've never really been homophobic; just we ran in different circles I guess. I was into stuff straight guys were into, I played sports, fixed cars, etc., etc. But there was something different about me. I wasn't aggressive and always looking to fight or put another person down with my words. I guess I was `gentle' but very much still masculine. "The strong silent type" as a teacher of mine once wrote on my report. I think I made my straight friends feel good about themselves. I wasn't a threat to them, but I was still like them. And what's more, it made me happy to see them happy.
On entering puberty, I quickly realised that guys fascinated me in the way girls were supposed to. Similarly, despite the obvious excitement of my friends at discovering the wonders of girls, I searched but could not find that same excitement. I mean, yeah sure Wendy looked good, or Nicole had some big breasts... but for me it was just that. No spark, no excitement, no electricity. Consequently when my buddies would try to set me up with such and such a girl, it always ended up in abject failure on my part... I simply wasn't interested. I had no motivation to be anything other than a friend to these ladies. It embarrassed me that I wasn't like my buddies and could only feign the same excitement that they had for women... I always felt I wasn't aggressive enough, wasn't enough of a cocky bastard which is what these girls seemed desperately to be craving, though they wouldn't openly admit it.
For me, my excitement was Joey, sitting across from me in Maths class. I'd stare and wonder what was going on in that mind of his, behind those intense, brown eyes deep in concentration. My excitement was Kenny, who when he'd sit next to me my heart would beat that little bit faster, that little bit harder. It was almost as if I could smell and sense the testosterone emanating from his body... and it seemed to do something mysterious and wonderful to me. And when they'd look at me, look me in the eye - I saw something mysterious inside them also, like their own curiosity, as if they were scanning me to try and find what was deep inside my own heart. When they spoke to me they weren't rowdy and raucous like with their other guy friends. They spoke to me softly and respectfully.
I say these guys were straight, or perhaps bisexual... none of this business some people go on about of being "closeted gays" in denial about themselves. Nope. I didn't know back then when I was just a teenager, but now in my late twenties, I've come to be able to recognise various patterns and traits amongst peoples. Some people refer to it as gaydar', but I think that's a bit of a sexualised oversimplification... not to get all technical and such, but I maintain these guys were straight, and just for some reason I pricked their sexual interests too. They were homophobes - told homophobic jokes and laughed raucously with their friends at them, they told lewd stories about sex with girls and I could tell it was genuine. I'm sure I wasn't the only guy that they broke their kayfabe' for, but that's the thing, there was a great deal of secrecy and implied trust about the things between us. I guess for any guy who has sex with another guy, trust is the most important thing. I guess it's true for girls too when they have sex with guys, they need to feel they can trust them - like if I suck your dick, it's not gonna be plastered all over the school or workplace walls tomorrow. No girl, and no guy having sex with another guy wants that.
So maybe that's that - they felt they could trust me. And they could. I'd keep it a secret between us for your reputation, for your sake. The first time with another guy for instance, it was one of my best friends Andrew. He was captain of the rugby team. One night I was sleeping over at his, and he suddenly pulled out some of his elder brother's straight porn. It was magazines in those days, no internet... He said we should look at it together and I was really excited. Porn in those days was like gold dust. Not like today's world. So, he pulled out this magazine with crumpled pages of girls spreading their legs revealing shaved and trimmed pussies, while fondling large breasts and looking suggestively at the camera. Perhaps she'd be wearing some suspenders or high heels or maybe the top half of her bikini would be pulled down letting her voluptuous tits hang freely over them. The pictures turned me on to be honest, at least that's what I believed at the time. Looking back I think the truth was that I was what turned me on was that I was looking at them with Andrew next to me.
We lay there on the floor in just our boxer shorts, our bodies touching as he flicked through the pages and made comments about the various women in various poses and various states of undress. Clearly he was aroused and was hard under there. I know I was too. Then Andrew started asking me questions. Like did I masturbate, how did I do it, how often, etc., etc. Then came the moment. He started asking me questions about my cock. He made it seem like he was concerned about himself, like "Do you have any marks on it?"
"No" I replied. I lied. I do have a pretty visible circumcision scar on the underside of my penis.
But he continued "Cause... err, I mean I've got this big vein on the top of mine. I'm... not sure it's supposed to be there. Here, have a look." He didn't wait for any response from me and quickly got up and stepped out of his boxer shorts revealing a very thick and I have to say very beautiful and enticing cock.
There was certainly a big vein running along the top of it, but I guess that made it all the more beautiful. It was like a reassuring cable supplying power to the machine that gives life. He started wanking it in front of me and I got up onto my knees to get a better look. He wasn't circumcised like me and I was fascinated by his foreskin moving over the head. There was a large drop of sticky precum too hanging from the tip. Oh wow... I gulped.
"Here, you touch it, compare it to yours."
I rarely went against Andrew's word and I did has he said, taking another guys cock in my palm for the first time. It was great. It felt great. This was the excitement which I never felt with all those girls. This was electric. I don't quite remember if he made the first move towards me putting my lips on it or if it was me. I think it was me... I remember that precum looking so inviting, just begging me to suck it all up, so I did. I kissed the head like I was kissing someone's lips... and I felt Andrew's strong hand reassuringly on the back of my neck as I did so. He liked this and he wanted me to suck more of him. So I opened up wider and took the whole thing into my mouth. I went up and down on it, slobbered on it and made it nice and wet. I liked this. A lot. I wasn't really interested in getting him off as quickly as possible. I just like the feeling of having another dude's cock in my mouth. I wanted to enjoy it, to lick and kiss and suck to my heart's content.
All the more better that he seemed to be enjoying it too. He encouraged me softly, whispering "Yeah, baby that's it... Aahh, you're pretty good at this." I was happy he was happy. If it wasn't for my own now raging and throbbing hard-on I think I could have stayed there moving my lips over and around his cock for hours... letting it fall out of my mouth and letting it slap me in the face leaving trails of wet saliva and precum in its path. It was simply... heavenly. I remember getting closer and grabbing a hold of his muscular thighs and arse, caressing up and down as I tried to go as deep as I could for him. He'd let out whimpers and moans to let me know what he felt was good.
Eventually, he started to lose control as his sounds became more intense and more frequent. He gripped my head for sturdiness and started pumping his cock in and out of my mouth with more vigour. I was still trying to savour every moment, but I knew he was about to blow his load. He warned me "Aaahh, fuck... I'm gonna cum" I think expecting me to pull off him, but I wanted to taste his seed, I wanted him to cum in my mouth. And he did, thrusting and pumping load after load of thick boy cream into my mouth. Intense. Very intense. Very enjoyable.
He was spent and I was happy. I thought he might get funny after what we had just done. But he thanked me and told me that it was awesome. I guess he knew I wouldn't tell anyone what had just happened. Interestingly with Andrew there wasn't a repeat of this scene sadly. One time a few years later we did some other stuff together, but otherwise he dated girls and he fucked girls, and he seemed happy doing that. He kind of acted like it never happened, and he never treated me any differently. I never told anyone, except for you now, but of course you don't know who I or Andrew are... so his secret is still safe with me.
But this was my first encounter with a straight guy who just wanted to do something gay one night of his life with me. And I think that's cool. He certainly wasn't the last.
There's a certain pleasure at `taming' a wild, otherwise straight guy, if only for a night or a moment in time. I'm not trying to make anyone gay, I'm no scientist but I just think sexuality can be quite a bit more fluid if the situation is right, if it feels right between two guys at any particular moment. And after that they go back to their life, more relieved, more happy, and so do I. What do you guys think?
If you like, I can tell you some of my other stories too... Let me know. Cheers.