Bet you didn't expect that. Or maybe you did. Did you? I hope you're enjoying the turn of events. I also hope you won't judge my theology too harshly. Even if you do, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Just a few left now.
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Crown Vic to a Parallel World: Stolen Love The third and final installment of the ongoing adventures of Church Philips
55
Summary of Surprises
"It's called laicization." Paul explained from his side of the dining room table. "That's the term for when a member of the clergy returns to the lay state."
It was a couple hours later, that same day. Lenis had already told Paul that we'd witnessed his exchange with Cass. He was initially upset at what he saw as an invasion of his privacy, but he calmed down when Lenis kissed his face. We'd gone to the dining room as a neutral place to talk. The Sunday chapel service had been temporarily forgotten in the tumult of the return of Paul and Cass to the main house of the estate.
Bem had taken his wife and his father and went to his place to `have a long talk.' Cass had tried to pretend he was the same man as always, but Bem announced that he wasn't buying it. "You've been pretending to be someone else for years." Bem accused his father.
Cass hadn't flinched. He looked up at his son with his pinched and worried expression and accused him right back. "As have you, my boy."
That got Bem. It hit him right where he lived. Bem bit his lip, a sure sign he was defeated. He seemed to decide to meet his father half-way. "Alright, Dad," he said, "I guess it's time for some truth."
"Passed time." Cass agreed and joined his son and Mary to go where they could be in private.
In the meantime, Paul and Lenis and Shawn and me were in the dining room. The rest of the crowd that had gathered for the chapel service had been dismissed for the time being. The tentative plan was to have a service one hour before dinner. It would be simple to get everyone together a little early before the meal. That plan made the most logistical sense.
Paul went on with his explanation. "I would have to submit a request to Rome to be released from my vows. It would have to be approved by the Pope. In reality, I doubt the Pope himself would review my request. Likely it would be a member of his staff. Then again, to have a clergy member request to be released from what most of us consider to be a calling from God, is a very rare thing. Perhaps he would look at my request personally."
Paul drifted away from us, into his thoughts. Lenis took his hand on top of the table, her small and delicate hand a sharp contrast to the big paws of the large man. Her touch brought him back to the discussion. He cleared his throat and went on. "Either way, my request would have to be approved before I could enter into a relationship of any kind. I imagine it would be approved without question. The Church would not want an unwilling man to wear the title of priest."
"How do you know all this?" I asked.
Paul lifted Lenis' hand and kissed the back of it as he formulated his answer. He seemed reluctant, like by answering the question, he'd be admitting to something bad. "I confess that I researched the process, quite recently. I feel that I've been lost these last few years. I questioned my effectiveness, my contribution to the faith, to the lives of my parishioners. I thought that...maybe I'd chosen the wrong path, wasted my life."
I hated to hear Paul talk like that. I tried to argue him out of it. "No, Paul."
Paul held his free hand up to stop my speech. "I said that's what I HAD been doing. Because I felt lost, I looked in all directions for answers, even to the secular. I never expected to find my answers here, so far from where I started. For me to say that I'm not nervous, would be a lie of epic proportions. I am scared, but...but I'm also hopeful, which is something I haven't been able to say recently.
"Cassius was right in much of what he said. I am not Moses, and while this isn't exactly the promised land, even though I have called it that myself, I do not believe the Lord would bring me here to torture me or to test my faith. I don't believe that he would tantalize me with a love that I would not be permitted to accept and return. I will continue to serve the Lord, but I will do it as a man, not as a priest. My Lenis has promised to help me." Paul said and raised her hand to his lips a second time.
"Many would see this as a defeat." Paul went on as he made sweet, `sad puppy' eyes at Lenis. "Many would look at my request for laicization as a rejection of my faith. That is not what it is. It is a renewal of my faith. I believe that the Lord saw my struggles and brought me here to find the help I needed to remain faithful. I have found that help in the same place I have found deep love, a stimulating intelligence, and breathtaking beauty. I have found the renewal of faith and a new purpose in life, all within the person of my Lenis."
Lenis returned Paul's gaze with her unflinching frozen eyes. "Oh my." She whispered in response to Paul's praise and sweet words.
I enjoyed the sound of Paul calling my mother-in-law `his Lenis.' It sounded hopeful. I mentally wished my friend the best. I also hoped that Rome wouldn't make any fuss about one elderly priest who wished to change his life.
"This makes my disappearance in the Holy Land problematic." Paul reminded me. "I hope that will not be a stumbling block. I have to submit my application for release from my vows from somewhere."
Shawn had an idea. "My uncle can help. He'll be back here later on, for dinner. We can ask him then."
"He probably already has a plan." I muttered.
I don't know if Paul heard me and didn't know what I meant, or if he didn't hear me. Either way, he turned confused eyes to mine and asked me about what I'd said. "This is Ars were talking about." I reminded everyone. "I would guess that he likely anticipated this as a possible outcome when I asked him about letting you come here. He probably already has a plan and if not a plan, at least an idea about how to do what you want to do. He's always ten steps ahead."
Paul liked the idea that Ars already had a plan. "I very much hope you are right." He said and went back to making puppy eyes at Lenis.
After that, the discussion devolved into items of lower importance. The four of us eventually adjourned to my kitchen where I made us a snack to tide us over until dinner. That, and much more small talk, killed most of the time we had before the rescheduled chapel service.
We all went to the chapel, but I waited outside. I wanted a moment with Bem before the service. I wanted to check on my friend. I knew that Mary would make sure he was OK before she let him out of the apartment, but he was still my friend, and I was worried about him. Bem's father had inadvertently revealed something big about himself that day, and I assumed Bem was riding a roller coaster of emotions over it.
The Ecclesia family arrived about twenty minutes ahead of the service. Their group included Mary, Bem, Tobit, and Cass. Bem sent his family into the chapel and remained with me. I'd been leaning against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest and my leg bent with my foot on the wall behind me. When Bem's family was clear of us, I shifted my posture to lean toward my friend and asked the obvious question. "Are you OK?"
Bem nodded, then he shook his head, then he shrugged. "I don't know. I'm still in shock. My dad, I don't even know who he is."
"What did he say to you?" I asked. "What were his reasons?"
Bem's left hand made its expected journey across his body to knead the meat of his right shoulder, and his right hand slipped into his pocket. He assumed his thoughtful pose in preparation to explain the revelations I hadn't been privy to. "He told me he was a trial lawyer in the capital, Epistylium, when he married my mother. She wanted to have a family, but he kept putting it off for this case or that case. He wanted to make a name for himself. He wanted prestige.
"He finally agreed to start a family at my mother's urging. She gave him an ultimatum. Either he was going to give her a child and help her raise that child, or she was going to leave him. He got her pregnant, but he wouldn't take time away from his practice to raise me. When I was two, she got fed up and tried to leave him. She tried to take me with her.
"My father doesn't like to lose. He fought her and won. Then he didn't know what to do with me. He still had all the demands of his practice and a child and no idea what to do. He had a crisis of sorts. He gave up his practice and left the city. He moved to Levare, the farming community I told you about, and became a contract lawyer. When he did that, he did what he thought he had to do to be the father he thought I needed.
"He didn't want to be the stern serious man he was. He said that's what had driven my mother away. He was afraid to lose me, like he'd lost my mother, so he became the man you know as him. When I was grown, he didn't know how to tell me the truth, so he lived the lie for all those years."
"Sounds like you and he have more in common than you thought." I observed.
Bem nodded and bit his lip. "Big Guy, I don't even know what to feel. A part of me wants to be angry with him for pretending. Part of me wants to be angry at him for driving my mother away. A part of me wants to be angry with him for thinking that I couldn't handle the truth years ago. Another part of me loves him for being willing to go as far as he did for me.
"You know what's really weird? He didn't apologize. I asked him if he was sorry, and he said that he wasn't. He said he regretted not telling me sooner, but that he wasn't sorry. The other funny thing was, he already knew about me. He didn't know all the details, but he knew a lot of them. He wouldn't say how he knew."
Bem fell silent and didn't say anything more. I assumed that meant it was my turn. "How did you leave it with him?"
"I didn't. We ran out of things to say. I told him I had to think about things. I told him I needed time. What do you think I should do?"
I was jealous of Bem. I was jealous of Bem for having a dad that cared. "Love him." I said simply. "What choice do you have? You can hate him and send him away, or you can give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and be thrilled that you have a father who gives a damn what you think of him." As an afterthought, I added some religion to the conversation. "Besides that, God says you have to. `Honor thy father...'" I reminded my friend.
Bem looked up at me. He thought for a second then chewed his lip again. "You're right, Big Guy, and...and I'm sorry." He said to me with genuine feeling. Bem addressed the first part of what I'd said and left the religion aside. "I didn't think about how lucky I am. My dad did what he did out of love. Even if I think he should have done something different, he did what he did because he loves me. I'm sorry I didn't think about how you would feel listening to me talk like this. I didn't even consider my wife's feelings. Your dad was her dad too."
"It's OK, my friend. No hurt feelings here. I buried my father and all the hate that I had for him. I buried the man long ago. I buried the hate much later, but it's gone from me now. You're a lucky guy. You found out you and your dad are a lot alike. Now you get to have a real relationship with him, and you get to do it while he's still alive. Apologize to your wife and hug your father and love them both. Like I said, what else can you do?"
"Thanks, Church." Bem said.
I hugged him and we went in for the service.
Late that night, after a rowdy dinner with my old friends and the sadness of seeing many of them leave the estate to get back to their lives, Shawn and I settled in bed to rest. "I'm exhausted!" I complained as Shawn pressed his body against mine.
Shawn drew my right arm around him and used my bicep as a pillow. "Me too." He admitted. "We didn't do very much today, but it was emotional."
"And between my brother and his troubles and my nephew and his, we didn't get anywhere near the sleep we needed." I complained.
"True, but some of that is your fault."
"MINE?"
"Yes, yours." Shawn confirmed. "If you hadn't flooded the whole estate with your horny magic, your brother and mine might have gone a while longer before they discovered the feelings they have for each other. Also, Comitis might have shown some restraint in what he did to Andy. It wasn't just them you affected. Did you see Altus? He could barely walk. He must have worn himself to a frazzle with two women to please."
"I didn't think about that." I said as I realized Shawn was right, like he usually was.
"Even Met got into it. He spent the night with one of Cy's daughters. Our deadly friend was none too pleased about it when she introduced the two of them at dinner. You must have been tied up for that tense moment."
"Poor Met." I chuckled. "Cy would have taken him apart."
"It worked in my favor. I interceded on Met's behalf and Cy agreed not to break all his bones. I saved Met and I told him to pay me back he had to learn to be more gentle with our patients."
"You are Ars' nephew after all." I said to tease Shawn for using a crisis to his advantage.
I felt Shawn bristle at the teasing. He loved his uncle but didn't like being compared to him. Shawn had always been uncomfortable with Ars' ruthlessness. He understood it but didn't like it. Shawn's guard didn't stay up. He relaxed into me as he remembered that I was just teasing. He changed the subject. "Did you mean what you said earlier?" Shawn asked me. "Did you mean it when you said you wanted children?"
I'd thought about that on and off for most of the day. Whenever I had a quiet moment to reflect, I thought about what I'd said to Shawn after my prayers. I had to admit that I meant it then and I still meant it. I had to admit that I had two things to tell Shawn from that morning. "I prayed to God, my love. I prayed and thanked him for my blessings. I prayed and I told him I loved my life here with you. I said that the only thing that would make it better was a brood of children to share it with.
"You were right about a couple things. It does feel good to believe. It's positive and hopeful. I have love in my life. Paul said that life and love is all that there is. Cass said the same thing earlier today. He said that God himself is love. When I think about it that way, and all the miracles that I live every single day, I can't help but believe there's a God who cares about us and wants us to be happy.
"You were also right about me needing a purpose and about that purpose being children. I'll do as you said. I'll commit myself to raising our kids. I know you'll help me. There's a ton of stuff left to talk about and decisions to make and all that, but I want children and I want to have them with you. I want to share the happiness that I have and the love that we share and the wonder of this life with children."
"I'm so happy." Shawn gushed and kissed the side of my face.
"Me too."
"I wish I wasn't so tired." Shawn complained. "If I had the energy, I'd ravage you savagely to celebrate."
"Tomorrow." I said. "We're gonna sleep late and we can do whatever we want. Tomorrow, no brothers and no nephews and no big revelations. No nothing, just you and me and the future."
"The future." Shawn repeated like he was agreeing to a champaign toast.
"The future." I said again. "Maybe if we sleep long enough, we'll find ourselves there. I feel like I could sleep for years."
"Me too." Shawn agreed.
"Good night, love."
"Good night to you, love."
"I love you."
"I love you."
We relaxed into each other and slept.