Well, the cliche about learning something new everyday is certainly accurate. I learned something from one of you dear readers. I learned that a Catholic priest would NOT use a King James Bible. He would use a New International Version. John told me that. I'd always heard the term 'King James Bible' and I assumed that was the universal book. I will not be correcting the error in the text of the story for continuity reasons, but I wanted to let you know that I'd learned the difference. THANKS JOHN!!
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Crown Vic to a Parallel World: Stolen Love The third and final installment of the ongoing adventures of Church Philips
54 Paul's Decision and Cass's Revelation
I genuflected and crossed myself as I slid into the pew next to Shawn. He and I took our normal seats in the last row of the chapel for the noon service. Shawn and I had gone through our morning routine of cleaning up and getting dressed, then we ate breakfast in my kitchen, and made our leisurely way to the chapel. We'd gotten there on the early side, just a little after eleven-thirty, but we didn't have anything else to do.
That Sunday was to be a blank day, a recovery day, a day to relax after the festivities of the previous day. I was still tired and somewhat irritable, though most of my irritation had gone down the shower drain while Shawn and I cleaned up.
We didn't get into having a full session, but Shawn had let me rim him once he was scrubbed clean. I even managed to spin him around and suck a mouthful of rich cream from his throbbing cock before he stopped us and said it was time for breakfast. I didn't bother to get off and that was fine. I'd gotten what I really wanted out of the morning and the brief intimacy had brightened my mood.
I cooked breakfast for Shawn and me. I did it in my kitchen and was able to eat it with my husband and no interruptions from anyone. That brightened my mood even more. By the time we made our way to the chapel, I felt decent. I hoped for a nap after the service and a quiet rest of the day. Many of our friends had remained on the estate after the party, and I hoped to catch up with a few over dinner. Cellarius had promised me a quiet dinner in the main dining room, much like the one we'd had the night we welcomed Paul.
I folded the kneeler down for me and Shawn and crossed myself again to say a prayer before the service. Since Shawn and I had come back to the estate from our second honeymoon in Litus, I'd tried to do as Shawn had asked me to. I'd tried to open myself to a relationship with God. Instead of just going through the motions of Bem's services, like I used to, I'd been trying to participate in them. More than that, I'd been trying to believe in them.
I looked up at the poplar wood cross that I'd pegged together and hung on the wall. I folded my hands on the back of the pew in front of me and turned my mind toward what I thought I should be doing. I felt like I was trying to learn to ride a bike for the first time, but I felt like I was doing it all on my own. I asked myself what I was doing. I admitted that I didn't really know. `How does one pray?' I asked myself like I had the previous Sunday and the one before that.
`Lord,' I thought and stared at the cross on the wall. I didn't know what to do after that, so I knelt there with my hands folded and hoped for inspiration. I realized how silly that was. Inspiration, by definition, is something that comes from God. I felt silly hoping that God would show me how to speak to him.
I stared at the cross on the wall. I was proud of it. I wondered if that was a sin, pride in a cross. I remembered Cass and his theology. As I thought about him, I couldn't help but love that old man. I loved watching him run mental rings around Bem, all without meaning to. I loved watching him test Bem's faith. My mind replayed Cass telling Bem, `I don't see that, my boy. I don't see pride in one's own flesh and blood could be a sin. The next time you see that Jesus fellow, you tell him I said so.'
I grinned at the memory. It was true that Cass got under my skin, but it was hard to stay mad at him. His heart was in the right place. He was a sweet man. I remembered the early days when Cass first came to live at the estate. I remembered catching him, so many times, bawling his eyes out in some corner of the place. I remembered asking him, quite a few times, if there was anything I could do.
"It's all so wonderful here, my boy." He'd say to me. "An old man can't help himself. So, so very much love here. Cherish it, my boy, hold it close and cherish it."
I never knew what to make of that. I assumed the poor man had been lonely all those years by himself. He never remarried when Bem's mother left. He worked and he raised Bem. Once Bem left, I guessed there wasn't much for him to do. When Bem went to get him, to bring him to live on the estate, Cass had arrived like a man out of the wilderness. He arrived like Bem had rescued him from a desert island. He immersed himself into the goings-on of the estate. He insisted we all call him `dad.'
Old Papa Cass, he loved being something of a mascot. He was friends with everyone. "It's all so wonderful here." He'd say to me. "So very much love here."
His words echoed the wisdom of Paul, wisdom I'd quoted to Joe just a few hours earlier. I remembered Paul's towering anger the night Primis had shown up out of the dark. I remembered Paul as he shouted at me. "Life and love is all there is!"
Poor man.' I thought. He's had a hard life; born fatherless, orphaned, then the tragedy in South America...compared to what he endured, I had it easy.' I reminded myself that Paul wasn't dead yet and if he stayed on Solum, he could have a long life ahead of him. I realized that he and I hadn't spoken about that, his staying or going, in a while.
`I wonder if he's made up his mind. I wonder what he'll do about his vows. He and Lenis seem to get along so well. I wonder...' I thought about the two of them and wondered in a vague kind of way.
I came back to myself and realized that I was supposed to be praying. I focused my eyes and looked at the cross again. I remembered where it came from. I remembered that time, in the canyon. I remembered when I'd almost died beneath the quarry. I remembered the first time I proclaimed my true feelings for Shawn. I remembered when I held his hand to my chest and spoke the words I'd said several times since then. "This heart belongs to you. If you ever tire of it, I'd rather you stop it instead of leaving it lonely."
With that statement, I bared my very soul to the man who would one day be my husband. I'd gone way out on a limb, that night in the hot bath behind the waterfall. To my everlasting joy, Shawn had accepted what I offered him. He accepted my heart, and he gave me his. He gave me his heart and his life and his love. I heard Paul's wisdom echo in my head again. `Life and love is all there is.'
I agreed with him. I agreed with my friend, and I told God that I agreed. Lord,' I readdressed myself to God, thank you. Thank you for the gift of my life. Thank you for my husband and my friends and my family. Thank you for the love that I have in my life. Thank you for the miracle of the life that I built with my husband. The deepest wish of my heart would be that this could go on forever just the way it is.'
I thought about that and quickly reconsidered. Lord, my husband wants children.' I realized with some surprise that it wasn't only Shawn who wanted children. I told God of my discovery. I...I want children. Bless us with children. Bless us with children, Lord. I want them too. I...I think...I want to, I want to raise children. I want to have them with Shawn and raise them and watch them grow. I want a family, Lord. Bless me with a family. I want to be a dad.
`I have so much, God. I have so much happiness in my life, so very much love. Cass is right. Paul is right. I should cherish it. I should share it. I should share it with children, a bunch of them. Please. Thank you. God. Uh, Amen.'
I crossed myself and sat back in the pew. I noticed my face was wet. I wiped it with my hands and realized I'd been crying. I'd been crying tears of...I don't know. I didn't feel sad. I didn't think they were tears of joy. I decided they were tears of reconciliation. I'd hated God for many years. For many years I refused to believe. In the words of my first real prayer, the first time I'd spoken to God because I wanted to, I surrendered that hatred and that lack of faith. I opened my soul to the Lord, and I realized that he'd been there the whole time.
Shawn leaned into my side to get my attention. "Are you OK?" He whispered.
"I am now." I said and wiped my eyes again.
"You don't seem alright." Shawn pressed.
I scrunched down in my seat until I could lay my head on Shawn's shoulder. "I promise I'm fine. I love you, you know that?"
"I do."
"Good. I love you and I want a bunch of kids. A whole bunch of them."
Shawn scooted off the pew and crouched in front of me. He took my head in his hands and held it between them. "Do you? Do you really?" He asked and used his frozen gaze to look inside me.
"Yes, a whole bunch of them, four, five, six...as many as you want and more. And I'll even raise them. I'll raise them and love them and teach them to live in the world. I'll make our kids my life's work."
Shawn lunged at me and kissed me deeply. I kissed him back. We kissed until I felt a sharp poke on the upper part of my back between my shoulder blades. I disengaged from my happy husband to discover Bem with a pleading look on his face and Mary at his elbow. I didn't see Tobit and assumed he was being looked after by someone.
"Alright," I said, "alright, Bem. What number was that? I assume making out in church breaks one of them."
"Have you seen my dad?" Bem demanded instead of gigging me for sucking my husband's face in God's house.
"We haven't seen him all morning." Mary added.
"What?" I asked.
Lenis appeared next to Bem, on the opposite side from where Mary stood. She seemed worried about something as well. "Have you seen Paul?" She asked.
"What?" I asked her and Bem. "I don't understand. Are they missing?"
"It's after twelve." Bem explained. "My father never misses a service, not ever."
Lenis took up the thread of what Bem was saying. "And Paul promised to escort me here for Bem's service. I waited and waited. I even went to his apartment to meet him, but he was not there. Paul is never late. Such a punctual man. So attentive. The perfect gentleman, always. I thought maybe he had overslept himself, but I rang and rang and rang and he did not answer. I am worried."
Shawn moved around me to try to calm his mother. "What's going on, mom?" Shawn asked Lenis.
She explained. "Paul and I were up all night. We had so much fun. We danced at the party and Paul sang for me. He sang these crazy lyrics to the music that was playing. I laughed myself silly. Such a lovely man. When the party was over, he invited me onto his balcony to look at the stars. It was cold outside. He held me against his body, such a big, solid man. We looked at the stars and talked about everything. We talked of things, things I have never spoken of with anyone, ever. Paul is very deep, a philosopher.
"He told me...he told me about his whole life. He told me things, terrible sad things. Poor Paul. He told me things that I cannot imagine that it would be possible to live through and still be a human being. He asked me about myself. I told him my life. I told him my whole life. I told him of my youth, and of growing up, of meeting your father and falling in love with him.
"I told him of the joy of being a mother to your brother and you, my lovely boy. I told him of falling out of love with the man your father became. I told him of meeting your husband and of finding the courage to strike out on my own. He listened to my story like it was the most amazing thing he had ever heard. Such an active listener.
"When there was not one more thing to say, Paul asked me what I saw for the future." Lenis paused and raised her eyes to mine, then she turned them to Shawn. The expression on her face was tentative. If I didn't know she was Ars Summas' sister, I might have thought she looked worried about what she was about to share with us.
"Boys," she said to me and Shawn, "I think I was too forward with him. I think I may have pushed things too far too fast. We had such a night, though. I felt so close to him, so very close. When he asked me what I saw in the future, I told him I saw he and I together. I told him, if he would let me, I would take his sadness into myself and give it back to him as love."
Shawn was completely taken away with his mother's story. He listened like she was telling a fairy tale. "Mom, that's beautiful." Shawn said.
Lenis grinned bashfully at Shawn. "I thought so too. I hoped so, when I said it. I think Paul thought so, because he kissed me. He kissed me for the first time, a real kiss, a kiss from a lover. I was so happy. He kissed me and held me close. He called me a beautiful person. He called me `his Lenis.'
"We did not talk much after that. We stayed up to watch the sunrise. When it was up, he brought me to my apartment so I could get some sleep before the service. He told me he would be back to serve as my escort, but he never came. I am so worried."
I was happy that Paul had kissed Lenis. I was thrilled that they seemed to be getting on so well. They seemed the perfect couple. Even as I had that thought, I knew I was getting ahead of myself. I also wondered what it meant to have Cass missing at the same time as Paul. I wondered if that meant something, or if it was coincidence, or what.
I scanned the chapel with my eyes until they landed on the back of my nephew's head. I called him to join the conference that had formed around me. Andy moved up to the group with Comet beside him.
As the couple came near, I found myself smirking in Comet's direction. I wondered if his enormous cock was as sore as Andy's butt was. Andy admonished me for my thoughts. "Uncle Church!" He scolded.
I glared at my nephew. "Andy, you could learn to control that power of yours. A person's thoughts belong to them. You can either learn that and shut your damn magic off once in a while, or you can learn to keep your comments to yourself. Six in one hand or a half dozen in the other to me. Either way, I'm through being scolded for the thoughts that I have in the privacy of my own head. Get me?"
Andy didn't apologize, but he didn't argue with me either. I assumed he saw my point, but like his father, wouldn't admit that he'd been wrong. `He's definitely an apple off that tree.' I thought to myself. My mind made a fruit joke that was a reference to Andy's sexuality, but because that insulted me as well as him, I mentally strangled the joke and set it aside.
"It happens that power of yours is useful at the moment. No one seems to know where Paul and Cass are. Can you find them, please?" I amended my request with a modifier. "Without letting them know you found them? I don't want either man to know you were inside their heads."
Andy closed his eyes to concentrate. He announced his progress slowly. "I found Mister Paul...and Cass. They're together. They're in the statue head. Paul, he's upset about something. His thoughts are all over the place. They're moving so fast, I can hardly keep up. It's just a muddle. Cass is yelling at him. Not yelling really, but Paul feels like he's being attacked. He's trying hard to defend himself, but he feels like he's losing."
Bem listened to what Andy said, then came to life. "Come with me." He said and set off without waiting to see who would follow.
Bem left the chapel, with Mary a half-a-step behind him, and moved along the servant's corridor toward the barracks. I let the others get ahead of me, Lenis, Andy, Comet, and Shawn. As I left the chapel, Joe appeared next to me with Primis in tow. "What's going on?" Joe asked.
"I don't know." I admitted. "Something is going on with Cass and Paul. We're trying to figure out what it is. Bem seems to know something, so we're going to see."
"Where are they?" Joe asked.
"The statue head."
"Why are we going this way then?"
I shrugged at my own lack of information. "You know as well as I do."
Joe quieted for a minute, then put a hand on my arm. "I did what you said, or maybe what Shawn said. I talked to Preem...Primis."
Primis looked up from Joe's side. He realized we were talking about him and not to him and lowered his eyes like he hadn't heard us. Joe didn't notice. He went on with what he'd been saying. "We're going to take things slowly. See where it goes. Thanks...for the advice."
"Sure, Joe." I agreed. I was quite surprised that Joe had thanked me. I was even more surprised that he'd done as we'd suggested. I was even more surprised that he'd opened himself to the idea of a romantic relationship with a man. The whole thing deserved a lot more thought on my part. I thought it might also deserve some rage, some shouting, and some angry holes punched in some innocent walls, but there wasn't time for that.
Bem led us along the hallway and into the barracks. As we entered, I saw that the room had been changed. All the bunks had been removed and the big room had been subdivided into smaller nooks. It seemed the barracks had been surrendered to Bem's temporary security force.
The first several of the new subdivided rooms looked like small offices inhabited by grey-uniformed guards. These guards had patches on their chests that suggested higher rank than the normal grey crew. I suspected they were in charge and took orders from Bem. After the offices, on the right, was one room with a couple remaining bunks. I assume this was for the occasional nap or rest period during an extended shift. Opposite that was what used to be the end of the main room of the barracks where the culinarian was built in. The food synthesizer remained, as did two of the picnic tables. I guessed that was a breakroom for the guards.
Bem led us to a small room behind the rest area. It looked like a simple conference room with a little table in the center and six chairs. We crowded into the room and stood around the table. Bem took a small, black controller from the table, pointed it at the wall that was closest to him, and pressed a button. The wall became a screen and lit with views from all over the estate. Bem navigated through the views until he brought up one of the mountain and the statue.
"What the fuck?" I asked what I thought was an obvious question.
"I had cameras installed." Bem announced.
"I see that. Why?"
"Security. They're only in the public areas. No one's privacy has been compromised."
Bem continued to navigate the screens until the view lit with an image from inside the statue head. I objected. "You mounted cameras in there?"
Bem tried to soothe me over his shoulder. "I supervised the work myself. None of the art was touched. The units are so small, you won't even see them."
I wanted to be angry at Bem's invasion of a space that I tended to think of as my private space. I was angry, but that wasn't the time to discuss my anger. Bem used the controller to navigate until the stone banquet came into view. Paul stood at the foot of the table. He looked like he'd just risen from the chair I'd added. Cass was opposite, next to the statue of the old servant. The two men stared at each other like they were at a loss of what to say.
"We found them at least." I said.
Bem shushed me. "Let's see what's happening." He said.
I leaned toward the screen and listened. I hadn't expected there to be sound on a closed-circuit security installation, but Solum technology was better than Earth tech, so I guessed sound wasn't much of a leap. I waited to see what the men would say to each other.
Paul broke what looked to be a staring contest. "Thank you, Cassius. You are a wise man."
Cass replied. "Certainly, my boy. Happy to help. If you want to thank me, call me `dad.'"
Paul grinned broadly. "Thank you, dad." He said as he moved around the table. He came even with Cass, shook his hand, and the two men headed toward the spiral staircase that led to the surface of the mountain. Presumably they were on their way to the elevator that would take them to the ground so they could return to the estate.
Bem was the first to comment. "Whatever happened, it looks like it's over now." Bem rewound the footage to when Paul first entered the statue head and pressed `play.' He drew a chair from the table and offered it to Mary. When she refused, Bem sat to watch.
I registered an objection and Bem paused the footage to hear me out. "We shouldn't look at this." I argued. "If Paul was up there, he went there for privacy. Whatever took place was private. It's not right."
Lenis took the opposite opinion. "It must have been serious, for him to miss the service. For Paul...for him to miss the service and to break his promise to escort me, it must have been very serious."
"All the more reason to let him have his privacy." I interrupted my mother-in-law.
"No," Lenis objected, "I want to see it. I want to know if he needs help. I need to know."
I stopped the proceedings with a warning. "I'll let this continue on one condition. The condition is that we tell both of them we watched. Otherwise, I'm going to insist this footage be deleted."
"I will tell Paul." Lenis offered. "And I will tell him why. If he is angry, he can be angry with me."
Bem agreed with Lenis. "I'll deal with my father."
I shrugged, defeated. "Go ahead then."
Bem pressed `play' and we watched.
Paul entered the statue head. He stopped at the foot of the spiral staircase and looked around. He started toward the eye-windows, but stopped halfway across the room and changed his direction toward the stone banquet. Paul paused near Fidum and scrutinized the celebrating statue. He looked across to Pravus and nodded a greeting to the king like I do.
Paul moved around the table and sat in the chair I'd added. He lifted his hands like they were weighted-down and set two books on the table. I hadn't noticed the books before. Bem paused the footage and zoomed in. One book was Paul's Bible and the other was the copy of Fidum's Bible that I'd given him.
Paul opened the King James version and flipped the pages. He read a passage, then flipped some more pages, then shut the book with what looked to be either frustration or disgust. Paul dropped his head in his hands and held it. He raised it to look at the ceiling and scanned the paintings Fidum had put there. Paul turned his eyes to my stone friend and asked a question. "What shall I do? What would you do if faced with my dilemma?"
Paul shook his head, seemingly at himself. "I'm sorry to disturb your peace. I'm sorry to bother you with my troubles. You're beyond that now."
Paul shifted his hands to Fidum's Bible and opened it. He repeated his routine of reading from the page and flipping and reading and flipping, then he closed the book with the same emotion he'd shown the King James version. Paul looked around some more and then crossed himself. He seemed to do it for lack of anything else to do. He folded his hands on the table and prayed aloud. "Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been one month since my last confession."
Paul stopped himself and unfolded his hands. He wiped one of them over his face from his forehead down and let it slap onto the table. "That's great," he said, "who will give me my penance?"
As if to answer Paul's question, a single dry cough sounded from the lower corner of the room, just out of sight of the camera. Cass entered the frame from the area that was at the entrance to the long, stone staircase that Fidum had cut from the head of the statue, all the way to the base of the mountain. Cass's appearance from that location meant that he had climbed a thousand feet of stairs. He entered the room with his hands thrust into his pockets like he normally had them.
Paul startled and stood up at the appearance of the other man. "Cassius," Paul said, "I didn't expect anyone to find me here."
Cass puttered his way to the table like the act of climbing over a thousand steps had left him no more winded than he might be from crossing a small room. As he reached the table, he took his hands from his pockets. With them came the red rubber ball. He bounced it on the floor and caught it with his telekinesis. He sent the ball to do some calisthenics between his hands as he addressed Paul.
"I didn't. I didn't find you. I didn't find you because I wasn't looking. I wasn't looking for you, my boy. I can't say that I found you because I wasn't looking. Since I know where you are, I suppose if I was looking, I could say that I found you. Not quite the same thing, though, is it?"
Paul stared at Cass. I guessed he was trying to process the words Cass had thrown at him. When he caught up, he grinned indulgently at the older man and his red rubber ball. "You're right, Cassius. It's not the same thing."
Cass grabbed his ball out of the air and looked up at Paul from his disadvantaged height. "What's the trouble, my boy? You're upset about something. I can tell. A man who has been a father can always tell. I always knew when my Bem was upset about something. I used to say to him, `unburden yourself, my boy.' I always spoke to my Bem like he was an adult. Helped build his vocabulary. Must start when they're young. My poor boy, I wish he would have, I wish he would have unburdened himself to me. Maybe I could have helped."
"What could you have helped with?" Paul asked.
"My Bem's trouble. The hurt in his heart. Maybe I could have helped him with it. My poor boy. He's been through so much. He didn't want his old dad to know. Didn't want me to know the places he'd been or the things that he'd done. He tried to protect me because I'm a silly old man. He held it all inside and it hurt him. Makes me thank almighty God for his friends. I thank him every day for my Bem's friends and his lovely wife. He told them. He must have. My poor boy."
Mary put a hand on Bem's shoulder. "He knows." She breathed behind him.
"He can't know." Bem objected. "He couldn't know."
"He must." Mary argued.
The couple quieted to watch the scene play out.
Paul pressed Cass for understanding. "What are you talking about, Cassius?"
"Nothing." Cass shook his head. "It's not nothing. It's something, but it's none of my business. It's my Bem's business. It belongs to him. If he wants to tell me, then it will be mine. Until then, it belongs to him and not to me. Not to me because I'm just a silly old man." Cass raised his eyes to Paul again and renewed his original question. "What is your trouble, my boy? I cannot help my Bem, but perhaps I can help you. Maybe you'll share your trouble with this silly old man. Will you, my boy?"
Paul sat down heavily. He sat like he was defeated. "I'm lost Cassius. I'm a lost lamb in search of a shepherd. I've come to a fork in the road, and I do not know which way to travel. I didn't think...I didn't think at seventy years old, that I'd have to make these kinds of decisions. I thought I was near the end. Now I find my road may not be as short as I once thought it was. Here I am, in this wonderous place, and I feel like a much younger man. I feel like my life may still have possibilities. Like I could still...like I could...Cassius, I think I'm in love."
Lenis gasped next to me. "OH!" She exclaimed and latched onto her son's arm for support.
Cass seemed to have no use for uncertainty. "Are you, or are you not?" He asked.
The abruptness of the question caught Paul off guard. "Am I what?"
"In love, my boy. Don't say you don't know. If anyone knows it would be you. You would have to know. I certainly don't. Which is it? I was in love once and when I was in it, I well knew it. That was a long time ago, but I remember. I remember and I remember knowing. Are you, or are you not, my boy?"
Paul seemed to take Cass's words like they were a direct challenge. He drew himself up in his seat and replied boldly. "I am! I am very much in love."
Lenis gasped again. "OH MY!" She exclaimed.
Shawn expressed his pleasure at the news. "Congratulations mom."
I waited to see how things would play out. Paul was in love, that was all well and good, but he hadn't gone up to the mountain for no reason. He was in love, and he was troubled about it. There was more to the story. I waited to see.
Cass bounced his red ball on the table and caught it in his hand. "Well, my boy, you're in love. What's the trouble?"
I watched as the enthusiasm ran out of Paul. He deflated like a popped balloon. "The trouble is twofold. The first issue is there was another woman. Long ago there was another woman. I failed her. When she needed me the most, I let her down. I couldn't protect her, Cassius. I failed her and she died. The man that I was died with her."
Paul looked miserably sad. Cass was unmoved by his story. "Lenis isn't in love with him." Cass announced. "If that man is dead, then let him stay dead. Lenis is in love with this man. She is in love with you."
Paul seemed to consider Cass's logic. While he chewed that over, I looked along my eyes at Bem. Paul hadn't noticed that Cass had drawn a conclusion about who he was in love with. It was a conclusion that may have been obvious to everyone on the estate, but it should probably not have been obvious to someone with a screw loose. The fact that the man with the screw loose had come to the same conclusion everyone else had, implied that the man with the screw loose, didn't actually have a screw loose.
I wondered if Cass just had a lucid moment or if there was more to the story. I waited to see if Bem would react. He didn't do so visibly, but I presumed he noticed as I had. Bem had an eye for detail.
Paul reached his own conclusion over what Cass had said. "I hadn't thought of it that way, Cassius. You may have a point. It's an odd way of looking at things, but you're right in one respect. The man that I was is not the man that I am, the man who Lenis knows. She knows the man that I am now. It is that man who she seems to be in love with. It is certainly that man who loves her."
"That's done with then." Cass said quickly, like he'd disposed of an unpleasant topic. "What else? You said the trouble was twofold. We've done with the first. What is the other? Well, my boy?"
Paul raised his shoulders and dropped them in a deep, expressive shrug. "I promised my life to God."
This was the objection that I expected to be the difficult one. The biggest concern was Paul's vows. I wondered what he was going to do about them.
Cass didn't see the trouble. "How is that a problem, my boy? If you promised your life to the Lord, then live it for him and love Lenis at the same time. How does the Almighty stand between you and Lenis?"
Paul tried to explain. "I took vows. I took vows of poverty, of chastity, of obedience. I vowed to live a life of service to the Lord. My vows stand between me and my love. I cannot love a mortal woman when I have promised my life to God."
Cass released the red ball into the air and made it hover between his palms. He held his hands about eighteen inches apart, the palms turned inward, and made the ball float between them. Cass tilted his hands like they were on a pivot. He lowered the right and raised the left. As he did it, the ball moved toward his right hand like it was rolling down a hill. When the ball neared Cass's right hand, he tilted them in the opposite way and made the ball roll toward his left hand. He rocked himself back and forth several times, then slapped his hands together with the ball between them.
"What do you believe, my boy?" Cass asked Paul.
Paul didn't get the point of Cass's question. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, what do you believe?"
Paul still didn't get it and said as much.
Cass leaned into his question. "I don't mean what do you believe about everything you believe. I want to know what you believe as it pertains to this situation. Tell me what you believe."
Paul argued. "It's not a matter of belief. It's a matter of commitment. I took vows..."
"Break them." Cass said and bounced his ball on the table.
Paul was indignant at the suggestion. "I can't just break my vows. They were a promise I made to God to..."
"So what?" Cass asked and bounced his ball again. "People break promises all the time. Even I have broken promises."
"It's not that simple..."
"Didn't say it was, my boy. No, a broken promise is not a simple thing. It's something to consider. It's a commitment to break a promise, perhaps even a larger commitment than the original promise. Once you commit, that's it." Cass bounced his ball again. "If you love Lenis, then you must break your promise to God."
"I can't."
"Yes, you can."
"No, I can't. I can't break a promise to God."
"Why not? Tell me why. What do you believe?" Cass bounced his ball again and caught it between his hands.
Paul was getting frustrated with Cass's questions. I could see it on his face and hear it in his voice. He tried to maintain his composure. He tried to answer Cass's questions because he was a kind man by nature. "I believe that a promise is a promise. I believe that a vow cannot be broken."
Cass shook his head. "That's not a belief, that's a value. They're different, my boy. You believe in God. You value your commitment to him. There is a difference. What do you believe?" Cass asked and bounced his ball again.
Paul's frustration started to spill out of him. He was growing tired of the questions. "Why do you keep asking me that?"
"Because you haven't answered me yet. What do you believe?" Cass bounced his ball again.
"Why do you keep bouncing that infernal ball?" Paul asked as his anger started to show.
"To punctuate the question you haven't answered yet. What do you believe?" Cass asked and bounced his ball again.
"Stop asking me that, Cassius." Paul said in a voice that had gained a tone of menace.
"I will when you answer me. What do you believe?" Cass pressed Paul and bounced his ball again.
The questions and the bouncing ball pushed Paul beyond his patience. "Cassius!" He said with a medium shout. "Stop!"
"I will...when you tell me what you believe." Cass said and bounced his ball.
"CASSIUS!" Paul shouted in his great big voice.
Cass bounced his ball, caught it and used the hand that held the ball to point at Paul. "You're afraid." He accused Paul like he was taunting another child on the playground. "You're not worried about vows. You're scared, scared to love, scared to live, scared to tell a silly old man what you believe. What do you believe?" Cass demanded and bounced his ball again.
Paul seemed to give up on his anger. His tone turned to one of pleading. "Cassius...Cassius, please. Please stop."
"I'll stop. I'll stop when you tell me what I want to know. What do you believe?"
Paul sank in on himself and lowered his head. He propped his forehead in his hand and his elbow on the table. "It's true. It's true that I am afraid. Are you happy now, Cassius?"
Cass bounced his ball twice in a row and caught it out of the air. "No, because you still haven't answered my question. What do you believe?"
Paul shook his head without raising it off of his hand. "What are you trying to get me to say, Cassius?"
"I'll tell you." Cass said like he'd won something. "You believe in God. You were called to his service. You spent many years of your life in the service of the Lord. Now, you've met a woman. You want the woman, but you're afraid. You're afraid of giving yourself to her. You're afraid of the challenge of a new chapter of your life. You're afraid of taking yourself from the Lord to give yourself to the woman. You're afraid of serving a new master. You're afraid if you break your vows, that everything you did before will be a lie."
Paul lifted his head from his hand. He looked at Cass with nervous eyes. "How do you know that? Can you read my thoughts?"
Cass bounced his ball and grinned impudently at Paul. "I don't need to read your mind to know what's in it." Cass bounced his ball again and went relentlessly forward with a fresh question. "What is God?"
Paul tried to explain God as he knew him. "God is the creator, the ultimate power."
Cass bounced his ball and shook his head. "Try again."
"What do you mean, try again?" Paul demanded, suddenly uncertain of his footing.
"You told me about God's power. You didn't tell me what God is. Tell me what he is. What is God?"
"God is the almighty, the maker of heaven and Earth, of all that is..."
Cass bounced his ball and shook his head. "Try again." He insisted. "Do not quote prayers and creeds, my boy. Tell me what God is."
The muscles of Paul's jaw bulged out as he ground his teeth. The muscles released and Paul's face smoothed. He gave up. He sank down in his chair again and rested his head on his hand. He shook his head in a motion made ridiculous because his forehead rested so heavily on his hand. "What do you want me to say, Cassius? I cannot endure your questions anymore. I'm so tired of them."
"Tell me," Cass pressed, "tell me the nature of the Lord. If you had to use one word to describe almighty God, what would it be?"
"Love." Paul muttered the word like it made him sick. "God is love."
Cass bounced his ball on the tabletop like he was dribbling a basketball. He bounced it until Paul looked up to tell him to stop. When he had Paul's attention, he shouted. "God is LOVE! So, WHAT'S TO BE AFRAID OF?" Cass bounced the ball a final time and caught it. He waited to see if Paul would see the meaning in what he had said.
Paul paraphrased what Cass had said. He repeated it to clarify it for his own mind. "If God is love, then what is there to be afraid of?" Paul asked himself.
"EXACTLY, my boy!" Cass exclaimed. "You get it now. Whether you keep your vows or break them to give yourself to Lenis, the master you serve is love itself. It's the SAME!"
"I would serve love itself." Paul repeated Cass's words again.
"Make love your master, my boy. Live a righteous life. Walk the path the Lord has set before you. Serve the will of almighty God. You said yourself that God wants his children to be happy. You said you were going to seize this chance to be happy.
"Don't think for one moment that you are here by accident. Don't think for one moment that you've found this love as a punishment. Don't think that you've found this love for it to be denied to you. Love, my boy, is the absolute power. Make love your master. With love as your master, your guiding light, you will do no wrong, you can do no wrong."
"My God." Paul said to himself.
Cass crowed in triumph as Paul arrived at the conclusion Cass wanted for him. "Your vows were a promise made and a promise kept for as long as the Lord wanted you to keep it. Look at what he's offered you here."
Cass's tone changed as he quoted The Bible. "Think of the wisdom of Psalm one hundred and three. `Praise the Lord who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.' Isn't that precisely what has happened here? Isn't it?" Cass demanded. "Don't you feel younger? Hasn't the Lord offered you good things here? Hasn't he offered you love and compassion in the arms of a beautiful woman?"
Paul was silent as Cass continued to make his case. "You yourself called this place the promised land. Why should you not embrace it? You're not Moses fated to die on the mountain. Your name is Paul!"
Bem paused the footage and breathed his surprise at the screen. "He knows Moses. He said no one had ever heard of Moses."
Mary whacked his arm again. "Let it run!" She demanded.
Bem un-paused the footage as a self-satisfied smile spread over Cass's face. "Welcome, my boy, to the land of rich milk and sweet honey. Welcome to where love lives and reigns!"
"My God." Paul said again.
"My God." I said to parrot Paul.
"My God." Bem said.
"Impressive." Joe said.
"Impressive?" I asked my brother.
Joe didn't answer me. Instead, he directed a question to Bem. "What type of attorney did you say your father was?" Joe asked.
"Contract, why?" Bem answered without taking his eyes from the wall screen.
"He'd make a heck of a trial lawyer." Joe observed. "Did you notice he treated Paul like he was examining a hostile witness? He didn't give Paul an inch. Cass kept on his single-minded path until he forced Paul to say what he wanted him to say. I am impressed."
"My dad was a trial lawyer, before I was born." Bem explained.
Joe smirked with vindication. "It's obvious. He's quite skilled. The way he pushed the witness, even the act with the ball, that was brilliant."
"What about the ball?" Bem asked and turned his face toward Joe for the first time.
Joe explained for the uninitiated. "It's a tactic. You ask a witness for information, then distract yourself with something else. You check your watch, fix your hair, straighten your tie, you do anything but pay attention to what the witness has to say. It makes the witness want your attention. When you won't give it to them, they try to get it by giving you the information you want. No judge would allow an attorney to bounce a ball in their courtroom, but Cassius wasn't in a courtroom. He used what he had to maximum advantage."
Bem seemed absolutely rattled by what Joe said to him. I guessed he was rattled by the whole experience he just had. He turned his face back to the wall screen and stared like the man it displayed was a stranger. In many ways, I guessed he was.
I thought about Joe's words and the scene we'd witnessed between Cass and Paul. If what Joe said was true, about Cass being a skilled tactician, that meant Cass didn't have a screw loose. If Cass didn't have a screw loose, then...then that meant...that meant he'd been acting like he had a screw loose. I refocused my eyes on Bem to see if he'd drawn the same conclusion I had. The look on his face told me he did. "Are you OK?" I asked my friend.
Bem shook his head. "No, not at all. Me and my dad...we've got some things to discuss."
"Sounds like it."
Lenis interrupted the moment. She tossed her arms around her son's neck, kissed the side of his face, and practically danced toward the door. "My escort is on his way, and I am going to meet him." She said and dashed out.
I looked back at the wall screen. I assumed there had been some more talk since Paul had arrived at the idea that God is love, but I'd missed it. When I looked at the screen, Paul was coming around the table to shake hands with Cass. The scene had come back to where it was when we first witnessed it. I waited until Paul and Cass left the space together and ascended the spiral staircase. When they were gone, I gathered my wits to leave the room.
I noticed that Bem still stared at the screen, even though his father was gone from it. I figured he was going to need some time to process everything he'd just witnessed. I decided to give him some privacy to do just that. I herded Joe and Primis, and Andy and Comet from the room. I took a chair from the table and offered it to Mary. She accepted it and sat down next to her husband. I took Shawn's hand and left the room.