Still I Rise

Still I Rise 6

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 Wrath is One of the Seven Deadly Sins You Know?_

wrath [rath, raath]

n

1. Great anger: strong anger, often with desire for revenge

2. Divine retribution: in some beliefs, God's punishment for sin

3. Vengeance: the vengeance, punishment, or destruction wreaked by somebody in anger (literary)

Synonyms see ANGER

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10 days, 14 hours, and 16 minutes.

You'd think that after a certain amount of time has passed things would get better, or that I would stop counting the days and everyday would just sort of blend together.

That just wasn't the case. The only thing I succeeded in was admitting to myself how I really felt about Trey.

I love him.

It was still hard to admit that, and to say it out loud sounds weird no matter how many times I say it. You would think that with that revelation, there would be a happy ending, or a sense of calm and peacefulness, and that I'd be finally able to move on with my life.

Only in the movies.

I was still stuck in the past.

The investigation into Trey's death was still ongoing, but was quickly turning into a cold case. They didn't care about him. He was a criminal, and as far as the police force was concerned, criminals didn't deserve the same rights as everyone else. The same damn rights that they were given! But no, they couldn't put aside their own bias opinions, and do their damn jobs and find the bastard who murdered Trey. So what; kill one criminal let another go free?

I had so much anger bottled up inside of me that I didn't know where to begin to take it out.

I was angry at myself for letting my Pride get in the way of letting Trey know how I felt about him until it was too late.

I was angry that the person that killed Trey was still out there; Free.

I was angry that Trey left me so easily; that a couple bruises and two gun shots in the chest killed him. He had been shot more times than that before. He was no 50 cent, but he was a survivor, he had to be with his occupation. So how could he been overpowered that easily? How could he leave me?

I was angry that everyone around me seemed to be sad about his death, yet they sit around feeling sorry for their own damn selves, rather than do something. They just cry and pray. Like that was gonna do a damn thing.

Crying and praying. Pathetic.

The only thing that would make all this better...make some of the pain go away...was...to find the person that murdered Trey...and seek...

Retribution.

And when I found that person...I intended to make them pay with their life..

I got up from my bed and slipped on my sneakers. Its been three days since I last been to school. What surprised me was that Brandon hadn't stopped by once to check up on me. He must've still been mad about the fight we had four days ago. If he wasn't going to talk to me, that was fine, because I didn't have any intentions of talking to him, or anyone. I walked out of my apartment and down the hallway. Trey's apartment wasn't on the trip but I made a detour. I haven't been there since he died. When I reached the door I saw someone standing outside of it. As I got closer, I recognized the person. It was the same woman from the funeral, Trey's `grandmother'.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

She turned to me and smiled, "Ah its you...looks like you took my advice...faced your problems."

"Sure lady." All of a sudden I didn't want to be here anymore. I turned and walked away from her.

"Wrath is one of the seven deadly sins you know?" She yelled at me from down the hall.

I stopped and looked over my shoulder. "And so? What's that got to do with me?"

She lifted her bony finger and pointed at me. "Its what drives you. I can see it." What was she talking about? Why was all this weird stuff happening to me? First I get attacked in my own house, then Trey dies and there are no clues or leads, and now I have some crazy woman following me making all these accusations about me when I've never met her in my entire life. Who the hell did she think she was?

I turned around and walked back towards her. "Look here lady, I don't know who you are and honestly I don't care. You have no idea who I am, or what I've been through. So before you keep popping up and making assumptions about me...DON'T. You know NOTHING about me."

She seemed unaffected, like she kind of expected it. Crazy old woman. "Well that was quite the rant." She added with a laugh. "Your just like them. Stubborn, strong willed, and full of pride."

Just like who? What was she talking about? What did she know that I didn't?

"Don't bother asking," She said crossing her arms and closing her eyes. "I'm not going to answer your questions?" And I was the stubborn one?

"Fine lady, I don't have anything else to say to you." I said trying to force her to tell me.

"That's not going to work either. Reverse psychology."

"Seriously you really need to get your brain checked. I think you're a few crayons short of a box."

"Really?" She replied unfolding her arms and walking up to me. She stood close to me, to close and just stared for a while. "The same could be said for you."

If she wasn't an old lady, I definitely would have pushed her out of my face. It took all my will power, and I do mean all of it, not to say anything offensive to her. She wasn't making it easy either. I was getting more and more pissed by the second. I took in a deep breath to calm myself before I said something that I wouldn't regret.

"I don't have time for this. I have an idea. How about you disappear and leave me alone." I said turning my back on her, this time for good.

"I have a better idea," She started. I kept walking trying to ignore her. "How about I tell you a story."

I kept walking, "No offense lady but I don't care about your story; besides I think I'm a little too old for story time and I think you are too old to tell them."

"Ah but I think it's a story that you would be interested in a lot. Especially if it involves your past."

I stopped in mid step. What did she know about my past? What kind of game was she playing? Did she really have the answers to my past? I turned around quickly only to find that she was gone. Where did she go that fast? Was I going crazy? Maybe I imagined she was there. Maybe I was imagining it all, this was all just a dream.

No it was real.

Then what the hell was that? She must be crazy. Yeah that the logical excuse. She had to be crazy, senile, suffering from some kind of disease and forgot to take her meds or something! I shook it off. Whatever the case I had a job to do and I intended to see it through. I walked towards the exit with one thing on my mind.

Retribution.

I didn't even know what I was going to do. My wrath would decide for me.

When I finally reached outside I saw a car that looked familiar but I ignored it and kept walking.

"Noah! Long time no see." A person said stepping out of the car.

I rolled my eyes. Someone somewhere in the divine cosmos must really hate me. I tried to ignore them and keep walking.

"So your just going to ignore me? Typical Noah." The person said walking ahead of me and stopping in front of me.

I sighed. "To what do I owe this unpleasant appearance to Justine?"

She just gave me a look, "Well seeing that I am your social worker or therapist, whatever you choose to call it, I have come to check up on you and see your progress. And if we can fit a session in, then that would be fantastic as well."

Justine was my social worker and psychiatrist, not by choice. A psychiatric social worker from hell. She was a fair toned woman with a curvy body and large breast. She doesn't like when I make fun of them, of course that only make me want to do it even more. She always wore her hair pulled back in one of those bun things that teachers wear in those typical high school movies, and she always wore blood red lipstick. I think it's a permanent side effect from her night time job as a vampire sucking the life out of all her victims. It would certainly not surprise me. She wore a pair of small rectangular glasses that framed her face and a dress jacket with a matching skirt that stopped a little past her knees and a suitcase. What was in it; I didn't care.

"Okay first incase you hadn't heard the news, now's not a good time. Second, I prefer the phrase annoying woman who sticks her nose in where it doesn't belong for a living. And lastly, I will not nor will I ever partake in another one of your `sessions'. So if you don't mind I have business to take care of."

She just continued to stand there with her arms crossed and her ruby lips pulled down in a frown. "Same old Noah."

"Stop saying that like you know me!"

"Oh but I do. I know everything there is to know about you Noah. I have your file with me right here." She said taping her suitcase, " And besides whatever business you have can wait, its either that or I'll just tag along."

I really didn't want to talk with her, but I didn't want her tagging along more. She would probably find some way to mess everything up for me and I was NOT going to let that happen. "Okay you win, we'll talk."

She smiled wickedly, "I knew you'd see it my way. Now how about we take a little ride."

"Wait I never said anything about going anywhere with you."

She smiled, "We're just going to my office to further discuss matters. Now be a good boy in get in."

I crossed my arms, "I don't think so Justine, whatever we can talk about we do it right here or I walk."

"I'll just follow you, either way you will talk to me."

I really hate this bitch. "Whatever." I walked over to the passenger's side and opened the door and climbed in. I made sure to slam the door shut harder then necessary, just to piss her off.

"Well you never cease to amaze me Noah, that's for sure." She stated starting up the car. I rolled my eyes. This was going to be a long ride. I could be doing other things right now. More important things, but I was stuck here with her. Damn my life sucks.

~

"You look good Noah, considering the last time I saw you, you was almost arrested for setting your apartment on fire." Justine said from behind her desk. She was scribbling on some papers trying to look like she was actually doing her job.

"Cut the small talk; I know you didn't drag me all the way here for that."

She let out a chuckle, "You've always liked just getting to the point of thing. Your right I didn't bring you here to make small talk. We need to talk about what's been going on in your life...more specifically the death of your friend." She smirked, "Or shall I say boyfriend?"

I was shocked but I wasn't going to let her see it. Smug bitch must've been keeping tabs on me. Isn't that illegal? Invasion of privacy, breaking some kind of constitutional law or something? "Sounds like you know already. I don't see the point in saying anything else."

"Ah but your wrong. What I don't know is the details my dear. That's what I brought you here for."

I grimaced, "Okay don't call me your dear, because well that just nasty your like fifty something, you should really be looking for someone your own age. As for telling you the details, there are none. Trey was murdered and they don't know who did it. End of story."

The smile on her face faded quickly and was replaced with a scowl. "You should really learn to respect your elders Mr. Bennett. Now take a seat and listen to what I have to say and listen closely."

I wasn't threatened by her angry tone for one second, it was going to take a lot more than that from her. I did sit down though. Anything to make this conversation go along faster.

She straightened her glasses before continuing, "I know about everything that has been happening since our last meeting six months ago. I guess you can say I've been keeping tabs on you."

"Oh did you see all that through your magic bowl?" I replied childishly.

She continued unaffected, "I know about Trey's death, your problems with Janice, your problems at school, I even know about your little tryst with that Brandon boy."

She really was keeping tabs on me. I didn't know if I should be pissed off at the fact that she had been watching and recording me this whole time like I was her test subject, or freaked out that she has been doing it under the radar, and knew everything that has happened. Was she watching me when I slept to? No that's not creepy at all.

"Look here Justine--"

"As your psychiatrist and social worker, as well as your superior, I would suggest that you communicate with me by calling me Ms. Lacy." She added smugly.

"Yeah not gonna happen. Like I was saying Justine," I stressed her name just to piss her off even more and by the look on her face I can tell I was succeeding. "The whole spying on me thing, its creepy. I'm pretty sure that your job doesn't include spying on your patients as part of the job requirement and I certainly don't think your superiors would be happy to learn of that information. So my suggestion to you, stop." She tried to interrupt again but I didn't give her the chance to, "And since you know everything that has been happening in my life, why don't you do me a favor and tell me why your really here. Don't play dumb with me I know your not here to just talk about my issues and that there's more this then your telling me so spit it out now!"

She reclined in her chair. "Okay you want the truth. Since you think you can handle it. I'm here to relocate you. That little detail is...part of my job." She said grinning. The son of a bitch. "Oh what's the matter? Big bad Noah doesn't have a witty little comeback? Surely you aren't going to let that go."

Was that it? Her big revelation?

"I'm not relocating anywhere." I stately flatly.

"Oh but you see you don't have much of a choice. In the state of Detroit, Michigan you the legal age recognized as an adult is 18, and as your social worker I have the right to suggest a change of scenery if your current one is `compromised'. With the consent of your guardian you will be shuffled into a foster home quicker then you can blink your eyes." She crossed her arms and sat behind her desk like she had won. This was far from over. I had the upper hand, I always did.

"Well little miss social worker, did you forget that my birthday is less then a week away?" The look on her face told me that she had forgotten about that little detail. Dumb bitch. "Yeah so it looks like I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here." Now it was my turn to smirk.

"You don't understand Noah, I'm doing this for your own good." She pleaded with me, "This environment isn't good for you Noah. There's nothing keeping you here anymore. Can't you see I'm offering you a way out; a chance to start over again. Take it!"

"Your wrong..." I whispered, "I do have something keeping me here."

"What, what could possibly be keeping you here?"

"Retribution..."

"Retribution? Retribution for what? Trey's murder?" She asked astonishingly.

Why was that so hard for her to believe? It was a simple concept actually. Find the person who killed Trey and make them pay. Yup simple enough.

"Wrath is one of the seven deadly sins you know?" She asked snapping me out of my trance.

I shrugged my shoulders, "So I've been told."

"Then you should know that nothing good is going to come from your quest for vengeance." She had left the comfort of her chair and was now standing in front of me, "Your anger is not the answer Noah. When are you going to realize that? Give it up, or it will consume you. That's if it hasn't already."

"Save me the psychiatric analysis...I don't need your shit." I replied coldly, "No one else is going to do a damn thing about Trey so I have to take matters into my own hands, now if we are done here I have a murderer to find."

I stood up from my seat and stared at her for a while. Who the hell was she to tell me to give up my anger? If she had lost someone close to her she wouldn't feel so passive. She didn't understand, nobody did. I had to do this, even at the cost of my own life. I turned and walked away from her.

"You know I never had any intentions of taking you away really." She shouted as I was leaving, " I hope you understand that I just really wanted to help you, and I also hope that you will find peace and give up this juvenile notion of finding his killer. I'll be in touch."

I continued to walk out the door. Her words fell on death ears.

I rode the bus to the police station, it was definitely too far to walk. I stood outside the building contemplating if I should go in or not. I didn't have to think for long, I climbed up the stairs to the station, letting my wrath lead the way. I opened the door and headed straight for the front desk.

The man sitting behind the desk looked like he was in his late twenties and wasn't that bad looking for a cop. He definitely was in shape and his dark brown skin was flawless. I shook my head, no I was here to do a job.

"Excuse me Mr. Officer," I could help but think of Lil Wayne's Mrs. Officer song as I was talking to him, "Is there someone I can talk to about a murder?"

The officer looked up at me with a serious stare. If it were different circumstances I would have found that sexy, but it is what it is. "Did you witness or commit the murder?" He asked in a baritone voice.

"No its nothing like that." I reassured him, "Actually this crime happened ten days ago, Trey Carter was shot and killed."

The cop seemed to know exactly who I was talking about. The frown on his face was more than enough. "Well yes the investigation is still pending. We have no leads or witnesses so there's not much to go off of."

I looked at the officer suspiciously, "You mean to tell me that Trey was murdered in broad day light in his apartment, and nobody heard or saw anything? That's bullshit!"

The officer looked at me like I was crazy, maybe I was. "Look here sir, this is a police station so I would appreciate it if you would lower your tone of voice." He gave me a stern look, I guess to intimidate me. It wasn't going to work, I've seen worst. "I didn't say no one heard anything, but when people reacted to the noise, the murderer had long since vanished."

"Oh so your saying Superman killed Trey?" I asked sarcastically crossing my arms.

"No, what I was saying that the killer managed to escape the scene of the crime without being detected, either that or he blended in with the other people at the crime scene. I would appreciate it if you weren't so sarcastic, I would certainly want to help you more." He replied looking me up and down. He was unbelievable, he wasn't even trying to hid the fact that he was checking me out.

"I know what you thinking, and I'm not interested okay? The only thing I'm interested in is finding the person who killed Trey now you can either help me or not."

The cop just continued to gaze at me like I was something to be conquered. "Of course I'll help you. What do you want me to do?"

He was persistent I'll give him that. "Well for starters you could tell your fellow officers to get their asses out there and look for the person that killed Trey instead of sitting in here on your fat asses eating doughnuts and drinking coffee." I was drawing attention to myself but I didn't care. The other officers were looking at me like they were five seconds away from attacking me.

I guess my initial charm was wearing off on the officer because he didn't seem to be looking me over as much as before. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." He stated firmly.

"Funny because I had no intentions of leaving until you get off your lazy asses and do something about Trey's murder. You're the god damn police act like it!" I yelled slamming my hands on the desk that the officer was sitting at. That was when another officer came over to see what the commotion was about.

"Is there a problem?" The other officer asked.

"Your damn straight there's a problem!" I yelled at the officer, "Your little buddy here isn't doing his job."

The officer looked between me and the other one sitting behind the desk. "Well my name is Officer Hernandez. Maybe I can help you."

At least this one seemed a little nicer. I sighed, "I`m Noah, I was wondering if there was any news on the case of a 23 year old man by the name of Trey being murdered ten days ago."

"Well are you family?" Officer Hernandez asked.

"No."

"Are you a DA?"

"No."

"Then I'm sorry I can't reveal that information to you at this time. It could compromise our investigation."

"Would that be the same investigation that is more or less nonexistent?"

"Sir I must reassure you that there is an investigation, and that we are doing all we can." Hernandez replied.

"Is there anything else that we can do for you?" The other officer asked, who's name I found out to be Jackson. "Or if there is anything that I can do personally."

Bastard. "And what exactly do you mean by that?"

He was trying his best to seduce me with his eyes, it wasn't working. "Anything that you need...or want me to do."

What shocked the hell out of me the most was that his friend, Officer Hernandez, was just sitting there watching him flirt with me like he was used to it. I smiled a fake smile, "Your right Officer Jackson, there is something I need for you to take care of for me."

"Oh really?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

"Yes sir," I replied. This jackass must be really stupid, I guess they'd let anyone join the police force nowadays. "Get me a pen and paper; you might not what everyone else to hear what I'm about to say." The jackass quickly found a pen and paper and gave it to me. He must have thought he was getting my number or something. I quickly scribbled on the paper and gave it back to him.

Officer Hernandez stood on looking between us both.

He looked at the letter quickly scanning it. The letter was simple really it read: NOT INTERESTED. In capital letters. So he didn't understand when I said it, I thought writing it down would help. He crumpled up the letter and threw it at me.

Okay I initially came here to get a lead on who killed Trey, but now I was thinking why not handle other business while him here. I walked over to Officer Jackson and smiled at him.

"Get out of this building right now!" He yelled at me from behind the desk, "There is nothing we can do for you, not that we would want to anyway. Run back to your little life and get out of this building or I will arrest you for disturbing the peace."

"Fake charges from a fake cop, that's funny." I laughed a little to further damage his ego.

"Look here you little--"

"Poor little officer, mad because I turned him down...pathetic." I interrupted.

I could see his face turning red. He was pissed. Good.

Officer Hernandez spoke up, "Okay I think we should calm this down. Noah I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave, if you have any more questions feel free to contact me directly. " He gave me his card with his cell phone and email address on it. I just took the card and walked off.

"Good luck finding the person who killed your friend without our help." Jackson yelled out.

I stopped and my tracks and turned around. "Excuse me?" I asked walking towards the desk again, "What did you say I didn't hear you?"

"Your friend was a criminal himself. We are the police, you do the math." Officer Jackson replied haughtily.

The nerve of this bastard. Did he really just say that? At that moment I've never felt so pissed in my entire life. My whole body was shaking with anger and I felt like I could cry I was so mad. This bastard just said that he wasn't looking for the person that killed Trey because he wasn't worth it. He was a criminal. So what they didn't even bother? How could people be so damn...heartless? I was a lot of things, but heartless I was not. I still cared. Deep down somewhere...I cared.

I was no longer in charge of my body. Something else took over and I was pushed to the back. "Well Jackson, to tell you the truth I was never really good in math." Even my voice sounded different. Colder, deeper.

"Well allow me to help you to understand. Trey was a criminal, a wanted one at that but for many reasons was untouchable to us. We are the police. We stop criminals and bad guys. We couldn't stop Trey, but someone did. I look at it this way; whoever killed him did us a fav--"

He didn't get to finish his sentence because he was lying on the floor holding his face cursing and ordering for his buddies to arrest me.

I punched him, he had it coming.

The next thing I knew Officer Hernandez was cuffing me. "I'm sorry I have to do this, but you left me no choice."

I smiled to myself. One look in Jackson's direction and I knew, "It was so worth it."

Hernandez led me to a holding cell and took off the cuffs.

"Don't I get my one call?" I asked.

"I take it you've been in here before." He replied not really asking. He took me to the phone. Now who to call? Brandon was my most likely bet. Janice wasn't even a thought and Justine was out of the question, so Brandon won by default. I dialed Brandon's number.

"Hello?"

"Brandon its me, Noah."

"Noah where are you at, what number are you calling me from?"

"I'm in jail."

"WHAT!" He yelled into the phone causing me to hold it away from my ear, "Why are you in jail?"

"It's a long story, just please come down and get me out."

"Noah, damn it!" He sounded frustrated, "What the hell is wrong with you? Never mind don't answer that just...shit...try not to get into anymore trouble...please. I'm on my way." He hung up the phone without waiting for my response.

While I waited for Brandon to get here I sat in the cell talking to Officer Hernandez. He wasn't really that bad. His buddy on the other hand...

"You know your in no trouble right?" He asked after a while of silence.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I figured as much, he did throw that paper at me before."

Hernandez nodded, "Yeah more than likely he will get suspended for a while for handling the situation like he did."

"Serves him right."

"So what's your connection to this Trey guy? If you don't mind me asking."

"He was someone special to me."

"Boyfriend?"

"You could say that."

"Well that certainly does explain a lot." He stated, "Especially why you punched Jackson. Hell I don't blame you, I would have done the same if he was talking about someone I loved. Between me and you I'm glad you punched him. He needed an attitude adjustment."

"Happy to have done it." I replied, "So since I'm not in trouble why am I in this cell?"

"For entertainment purposes." Hernandez said in a nonchalant manner, "But when your friend gets here you'll be free to go."

"I see...this is my punishment?"

"For lack of a better word...yeah."

"Fine."

It was ten minutes before Brandon came into the police station, with Justine. Great just what I needed. They both talked with Officer Hernandez for a while before leaving.

"What is she doing here?" I asked once we reached the car.

"The bigger question is what the hell where you thinking hitting a cop?" Brandon asked changing the subject.

"It was his fault."

"That's not what I asked." Brandon said looking me in the eyes.

I just ignored him and climbed into the back seat. Justine didn't say a word to me she just silently got into the passenger side. Brandon got in the driver's seat and slammed the door shut.

"What the fuck is your problem?" He shouted at me starting up the car and taking off down the road.

"I don't think there is anything wrong with me? Do you doc?" I asked directing my question to Justine., "I hit the cop because he said something I didn't like."

"He said something you didn't like?" Brandon mocked, "Grow up Noah. A lot of people are going to say things you don't like, you gone hit them all?"

"Maybe, it depends on if everyone says something about Trey."

That got Brandon to shut up. The whole car was silent.

"Its not his fault." Justine said breaking the silence.

"What?" Brandon yelled, "How can it not be his fault?"

"Because..." Justine started, "He suffers from a behavioral disorder...more specifically ODD."

Brandon and I were both speechless.

She continued, "There's more. Noah the real reason why I am here, and why I've been keeping tabs on you, is because I was paid to."