Steve and Mike

If your not 18 you shouldn't be reading this come back when you're old enough. This story contains sex between two males without the use of condoms. I strongly urge any male out there having sex with anyone to use condoms. Being safe is the only way to play and live a healthy life without the fear of std's. Be smart. Be safe. If you enjoy this story let me know I am enjoying writing this and might continue with some more of this story and what happens between Mike and Steve. All rights belong to the author. Contact me at Aragon76@aol.com (mailto:Aragon76@aol.com) with comments thoughts and suggestions you might have. Enjoy if nothing else! Thanks in advance to any and all replies they mean a lot to me and my writing ideas.

The noise of the ambulance brought me back to reality. I could hear the paramedics getting closer to me. I could hear the cop in the background yelling something about redirecting traffic to the southbound lane. I listened as the paramedics made their way to get me out of the car. I could hear them talking they were going to need some kind of help to get me out of the car the doors were mangled shut and they couldn't get them open. I was slowly beginning to comprehend more of what was going on. I felt like I was waking up from a bad dream and was feeling numb. I tried to move and the registration of pain made me stop. It was worse in my legs the pain trying to move my legs brought me back to reality instantly. My left leg was radiating pain from below my knee up into my hip. It was hurting like a motherfucker. I couldn't see out of my right eye, I tried to use my right arm but it was stuck by something I couldn't get around. I tried to use my left and was able to move it some but it was blocked by the seat cushion it was bent out of place and although I tried raising my head I couldn't, it hurt too much to move it at all.

"Sir can you hear me?" I wanted to say something to answer him but it seemed to get stuck in my throat. I had to clear my throat in order to speak at all.

"Sir! Sir! Can you hear me?"

"Yes, I can hear you." It kind of came out as a dry croak more than anything else. I cleared my throat again.

"I can hear you!" This time my voice came out loud and clear. They have to have heard me this time.

"We'll be with you in a few minutes hang in there mister."

"Do you know if you're hurt anywhere? Can you tell me anything?"

"I'm pretty sure my left leg is broken. I can't tell if anything else is broken and I can't see out of my right eye. I think there's too much blood from my head. I think it's covering my eye. I'm not sure but you have to call the doctor."

"We'll get you to the hospital sir as soon as we can. What's your name?"

"Mike Mike Mathews."

"Well Mike its going to take some time to open the door for us to get you out:" There's going to be some loud noise pretty soon they're going to be using the jaws of life to get the door open so we can get in to help you." He threw a blanket over me and I felt a hand touching mine I figured it was the paramedics trying to reach me.

"Hang in there Mike you're going to be fine we just want to protect you from any glass or debris that might come from us using the Jaws of Life. So just sit still in there and hold my hand. We'll be in to get you as quickly as we can. My name is Cory by the way.

"How are you doing?"

"I hurt bad in my leg the one that's broken. Listen you have to call the hospital and tell them to get in touch with Dr. Grisales tell them I'm a cancer patient of his. I need him when I get there."

"Do you have cancer Mike?"

"Yes, well I'm in remission for now but I had a brain tumor they recently operated on and took out of my brain. I need him to know before I get to the hospital I trust him with everything."

"Mike I'll let my partner know, are you going to be okay for a few seconds if I let go and tell him what you told me?"

"Yes go tell him I want him there. He has to know." I was getting a little frantic now I was becoming more uncomfortable the more time that was passing. My senses were beginning to come alive and not in a good way the pain is what was actually starting to register in my brain.

"Ughh....FUCK!" I was screaming my head off. Cory was back at my side trying to comfort me as best he could. The vibrations from the Jaws of Life were making my body start to feel more and more and it fucking hurt big time.

"Mike....Mike listen to me, take my hand" I reached over to get a grip of his hand. I squeezed it hard.

"Okay Mike that's it. Just hold on we're almost ready to take the door off. I'll be in soon to help you out. I called the hospital your Dr. Grisales was in the ER he'll be waiting for you just as soon as we can get you there."

They finally got the door off and Cory slide in to get to me with a blood pressure sleeve in his hand. He took my arm and wrapped it with the cuff. As it squeezed my arm the pressure created pain all the way to my fingertips. I wanted to scream in agony. I couldn't remove it on my own my other arm was still trapped by the seat cushion. I was begging Cory to take it off. He couldn't he needed to get a reading. What took only a few moments seemed like an eternity to me. I was still begging for him to remove it, he kept trying to consul me.

"Almost done Mike a few more seconds and I'll take it off I promise you. Just hang in there almost done...."

"Take it OFF NOW Cory I can't stand the pain in my arm anymore. Please get it off, I was close to tears and didn't care. The pain felt like it was coming from everywhere and was racking my body constantly at this point. The pain in my arm pushed me over the edge of trying to maintain any type of composure I may have had left. I started screaming my head off and loudly. By now the other paramedic was on the other side of me and was beginning to clear the debris away from around me to help get me out when they had a clear shot to do so.

"Mike, I'm Charlie does your neck or back hurt anywhere?"

"No, it's my left leg and my right arm that are hurting the most. My right shoulder feels like there's a lot of pressure on it and my head it hurting pretty bad right now to. On the right side it's bleeding and I think it' s coming from where they did the surgery to remove the tumor. I'm afraid to know but I think that's where the blood is coming from." The paramedic felt around my head but said nothing as to where the blood was actually coming from and I was afraid to ask. I didn't want to know. Cory was wrapping my arm and Charlie was tending to my head.

"I need something for the pain Cory it's getting really bad, I need something please." If I sounded like I was begging I didn't care at all. I needed something and I needed now not later.

"As soon as we get you out of the car Mike, I've got to get an IV into you and as soon as I do that I'll ask the doctor if you can give you something for the pain. It's going to be up to him but I'm sure he'll give you something at least to calm you down enough to get to the hospital. You'll be out real soon I promise that kiddo." I didn't want to hear that the pain was really starting to push me over the edge again and was certainly pushing me past my limit of tolerance. And that was the last thing I needed right now I just felt like I couldn't handle that. I pleaded with Cory to give me anything but he just kept telling me that I just had to hang on a few more minutes. For the pain that I was in the time was dragging slowly. I was crying now and sobbing I couldn't hang on any longer. Both of the paramedics were beginning to get me out of the car and the movement of my left leg really sent me over the edge, I couldn't handle any more of it and started to scream in anguish. I used my left hand to hang on to the backboard they had me on my knuckles were white from the pressure and my fingernails were beginning to penetrate the flesh of my palm.

"God Please God just let me die! Just take me now I don't want to do this anymore PLEASE let me die!" Cory was trying to get the IV in my arm but the pain was making it hard to just lie still while he got the needle inserted into my vein.

"Almost Mike, try and calm down its going to be okay I'm almost done and I'm going to take care of you and as soon as I get the IV in I promise, I' ll give you something Charlie already has a syringe with morphine in it all ready for you. Just hold still I'm almost done. It's in Mike just let me get it all secured." Charlie was by my side the instant Cory was done and moved away from me. He pushed the pain medication into the tubing I could feel the warmth of the morphine as it spread through my body. The pulsating of the pain began to subside Charlie stood next to me and held my hand, trying to sooth me and consul me.

"How are you starting to feel Mike? That should be working soon and help stop some of the pain. I'll just stand here with you till its working good." Charlie took me by the hand and gently stroked the top of the it. The whole time he's telling me to breath in and out slowly. The morphine was really grabbing a hold on my system and the pain was at a manageable level finally. Cory and Charlie lifted the gurney I was on and placed me in the back of the ambulance. Charlie climbed in with me and Cory went around to the front to drive us to the hospital. A few minutes later the ambulance was in motion on its way.

"How you doing Mike? That working for you now? It should be keeping you pretty well numb by this point in time. If it isn't let me know I can give you some more it you need it. Dr. Grisales said it was no problem if you wanted it. He told me that you're a tough guy and might refuse it so don't do that if you need it don't be afraid to ask that's what its for."

"No, it really helped its not all gone but it's nowhere near the level it was while I was in the car." Charlie had a relaxing manner about him; it was easy to get comfortable with him while we talked.

"Do you remember what happened that caused you to have the accident?"

"Hmm...To be honest I was crying I was upset and wasn't paying attention to what was going on when I went through the traffic light. I don't know if I ran the red light or the other guy ran it." All of a sudden I realized that I didn't know what happened to the other driver. I didn't know how many were in the car I didn't know anything about the car that hit me.

"Was the other driver hurt Charlie?"

"No, he was okay, he's just got some cuts and bruises. But they didn't think any thing serious he went to the hospital just to be checked out and make sure he was okay, and there was no one else in the car in case you're going to ask that next." He smiled when he looked down at me and it made me feel just a little bit better. The ambulance wasn't running at full throttle so we still had about a ten-minute ride before we got there.

"You're blood pressure is doing well, do you feel like answering some questions? It will save me some time at the hospital if I can get some of the information I need now. And that way I won't have to wait around for the nurses to get everything and then in turn they give it to me."

"Sure Charlie whatever you need is fine."

"What's your full name?"

"Michael Wayne Mathews."

"What's your address?"

"529 Ringold Street, Unit 3 Hatfield.

"I live by there right around the corner. I live on Lancaster Avenue."

"Geez Charlie you're like a block and a half away from me. You ever shop at that store on the corner of Smith and Ringold?"

"Yes almost daily I'm ashamed to say. I'm in the habit of buying enough food for just a day or two at a time. So I'm in there a lot."

"I'm surprised I've never seen you in there, but then again I guess I wasn't looking for someone I didn't know." I half laughed I was feeling pretty good from the morphine.

"Oh I've noticed you in there Mike." I heard what he said but because of the drugs in me it didn't really register what he meant by it. The morphine was really kicking in and I just lay there thinking how kind he was to me and how much better I felt since I got into the ambulance.

"Okay let's get back to the questions. Are you on any medications at this time?"

"To be honest Charlie I am, but I don't know their names off hand there all because of the tumor I had and because of the radiation treatments I was going through. I think I'm only going to be on them for about two more weeks and then I'll be done other than that there isn't any others."

"Do you take any street drugs?" I hesitated a few seconds. Long enough that Charlie took my non-response as a yes.

"What kind do you use?" I wasn't mad at him for assuming anything, after all he was right. I had to chuckle in spite of myself.

"What makes you think I do drugs, what just because I didn't answer the question right away?"

"I'll just say this when people hesitate like you just did it usually means that they do and they just aren't sure how to answer the question. They hesitate mostly because they realize the doctor might give them something that wouldn't mix the wrong way with whatever they've taken. How am I doing? Do I sound about right?"

"Okay you're right I smoke pot and sometimes and only sometimes I'll do some cocaine but that's it. But coke I only do maybe every two or three months or so. But pot I smoke a few times a week."

"That's okay between you and I most people I talk to are about the same as you, at least those around your age range." It made me laugh listening to hear what Charlie had to tell me, he made it sound like some big dark secret. I really took a liking to Charlie he had been nice to me and put me at ease and made sure I was comfortable. I like the way he carried himself. Just like Steve he was sure of himself and it showed.

"Were you high when you were driving?"

"No. No I wasn't I wish I had been the accident might not have happened if I had been. No I wasn't high I was just too upset to think or focus straight. I was out of control of myself. My boyfri..I meant to say that I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to be driving." Charlie just gave me this look I couldn't explain it but he just looked at me kind of funny. If I wasn't so mellowed out by the morphine I might have realized he was gay to. I thought at that point that I'm sure he's heard and seen a lot of things being a paramedic. And I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed like I use to be but for some reason I just didn't want to blurt out that I was gay. I just felt like it wasn't the time or place I don't know why.

"Okay back to the twenty one questions I started. Any other illnesses or diseases the doctors need to know about?"

"I recently had a brain tumor removed from my brain and had radiation treatments but Dr. Grisales already knows all this about me. Hence the nice hair style that I'm sporting these days!" I made a joke out of it in order to keep the conversation on the light side and hopefully keep it moving.

"What's the outlook at this point in your treatments Mike?" This was the question I hated answering to anyone who asked. Because I always ended up using the word cancer in my explanation and I could almost predict their response.

"It's better than it was but I'm not out of the woods totally, however I' ll keep fighting it as long as I have to so that I can out live the prediction they gave me." I waited to hear how sorry he was, how it's so awful you have to go through this, or how I know you'll win this you're such a fighter, blah blah blah.

"Glad to hear you have such a good outlook about it. Most people don't." That wasn't the response I usually get. It's the kind of response I got about one percent of the time. From his answer I took an even stronger liking to him. I think mostly because I didn't hear how sorry he was come out of his mouth. I always wondered why should any one feel like they need to say sorry to me, just because what. What are they sorry for they didn't give it to me? Why do people feel the need to say it? I realize they feel bad I guess they just don't know what to say to me. So for lack of anything else I' m sorry is all that's left for them to say. Don't get me wrong I still appreciate their thoughtfulness. Charlie just gave me a better answer than most.

"Are there any other health concerns I need to be aware of?"

"What? Like that's not enough for one person, it really is don't you think!" I said it jokingly I wanted to get him to laugh and he did. It also gave me the chance to see he had the cutest dimples how cute is that?

"That's all the medical questions I need, I have some paper work that when possible we try and get it started on the way to the hospital as long as the patient is well enough and can handle it, do you want me to go on or stop?"

"You can go on Charlie I know we'll be there in a few more minutes anyway. I'm doing okay the pain is really under control thanks to the morphine. But tell you what I'll take that other shot before we get in there since the doc said it was okay. Once I get in there they might make me wait because of tests. This way they can't do anything about it. Charlie smiled and got the syringe ready and slipped a little more into the IV. I hoped I would be able to function by the time they got busy with me. But I was damned if I was going to hurt right now if it wasn't necessary.

"Okay man, shoot ask me whatever."

"Next of kin to notify in case of emergency?" I had to stop and think, a few hours ago I would have said Steve but I couldn't this time I had ended that one. I slammed on the brakes hard over that relationship. There would be no more Steve. Yea no more Stephen Alan Craigen in my life. The cause of my breaking heart. The cause of my accident. The cause of wanting me to die rather than go on. I looked at Charlie and wanted to tell him that he could call my sister she would handle any medical emergency better than my mother. She could be the one to call my mother and tell her any bad news that might need to be conveyed. The only thing that came out of me was a river of tears and I couldn't make them stop. The heartbreak was in full control of me. I hid my face with my one good arm placed across the front of my face. I didn't want him to think I was some kind of weakling. Charlie handed me some Kleenex to wipe my eyes and blow my nose. I felt like a jerk what else was new?

"Do you feel better Mike?" I blew my nose and finally got myself under control.

"Sorry about that, it's still new to me and I haven't been able to control myself yet when the thoughts of him come up."

"You don't have to apologize to me Mike. I'm sorry that you're going through this no one should treat you that way."

"You're right I shouldn't have to go through this, not with anyone especially him!" Charlie just looked at me and smiled and went back to looking at his board of questions.

"Who's the person you want to be notified in case of emergency?"

"My sister Cindy Marie Kennedy, her phone number 789-8765."

"Anyone else you want notified?"

"No, she'll know who to contact from that point."

"What's your martial status? Single, divorced, widowed?"

"Single, very fucking single."

"What's your religion?"

"Lutheran."

"That covers all the basics I'll let the hospital get the rest, they'll go into more with you. But we aren't going to have the time to get to anymore. We'll be pulling into the hospital any second. I could feel the ambulance come to a stop and then it be put into reverse."

"In case I don't have the chance or time once we get into the ER I want to thank you and Cory for all you've done for me. You've been very kind to me the entire time. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and care that you showed me. I will always be grateful to you both. Cory opened the doors of the ambulance and started pulling the gurney out, Charlie jumped out while I was still halfway out and he caught the end of the gurney and they popped the wheels down so they could wheel me in. I saw Dr. Grisales as we turned the corner. The paramedics followed the doctor down the hall and to the room he wanted me in. Cory and Charlie moved me from one gurney to another and made sure I was settled in while they translated what Dr. Grisales needed to know. They both said goodbye to the doctor and then to me, they were out the door never to be seen again. Oh well I thought to myself guess I'll never know anything more about Charlie. I wish that we'd have had more time to get to know one another. He really seemed like a nice guy. Such is life, back to believing that there are no accidents for guys like me. I tried to remind myself that I still had a very long life to live ahead of me and Charlie just wasn't going to be a part of it. I tried to convince myself that someday there would be someone else. Someday perhaps, for now it was a long time away. I needed time to get over Steve. I didn't need anyone else in my life and just like it was before Steve came into my life. I could survive without anyone in it now.

I was thinking that I was single again lucky old me single again. The sad part was that time with Steve made me realize how much I didn't want to be alone anymore. If I didn't beat the cancer I didn't want to die alone with no one there to hold my hand in the end. Yes I knew my family would be there for me but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted a man to be by my side in the end. I wanted to have known love before I died. I just wanted to be able to know what it was like to have really loved someone, to have shared my life with him. Dr. Grisales brought me out of my thoughts. He told me that since I had just been released from the hospital that they were going to proceed cautiously. They'd be doing X-Rays to get me started and of course drawing blood. Once those things were done I'd be doing my favorite MRI fun time thing. He just wanted to make sure no damage had been done to the inside of my brain during the course of the accident. I didn't blame him so did I. They had known that I had hit the windshield pretty hard. Dr. Grisales was concerned of there being any tearing or anything else going on inside my brain with this happening so soon after the surgery. What else could I do except lay there and let them do their thing? How else were they going to put me back together unless they did all these tests? Dr. Grisales and I talked a few more minutes after he finished detailing all that would take place in the next couple of hours. He knew they would be working on my leg in surgery even without an X-Ray you could tell by just looking at it that it was broken and would require surgery. He walked out the door. A few seconds later he poked his head around the curtain.

"Hey Mike just to let you know I put a call into Steve to let him know that you had been in an accident. He told me he'd be down soon. I told the nurses to let him in to your room." He waved his hand as he left. The last fucking person I wanted to see. Had I not told Charlie that in case of emergency that my sister was to be notified? Maybe in the state I was in when he asked me I told him Steve but I was almost one hundred percent sure that I had named my sister to be notified. I didn't want to see him especially here of all places I did not want to see Steve. I couldn't help but start to cry again. The orderly came to get me about fifteen minutes after the doctor told me about Steve. I thought it would be good to get away from the ER.

Steve would have to wait before he could get in to see me. At least I had some time before I had to face him. I was hoping there wasn't going to be a scene, not in the hospital. I'd rather have it out with him at what use to be our home anywhere but not here it just wasn't the right place. Sooner than I wanted the X-Rays and the MRI were complete. I had to return to the ER. About halfway there I asked the orderly to stop. I wanted him to find out if Steve was there or not. I really didn't want to see him I needed more time before I could face him and talk to him logically and rationally. It took him almost five minutes to go find out if Steve had been there yet, if he had, did they know where he was. No one seemed to know if he was there or had been there or what the story actually was regarding his whereabouts. He finally told me it was time to return to my room. Waiting was the name of the game now and unfortunately I knew it meant that Steve was going to show up and I was going to have to face him. Whether I liked it or not.

I was back in my room about five minutes laying there trying to relax waiting for all the tests to come back in and waiting for a surgical team to be called and put together so that they could operate on my leg. Fortunately the morphine was allowing me to drift in and out of consciousness. I was glad that Dr. Grisales didn't mind dispensing pain medication when it was necessary. He was of the school that there were pain meds in the hospital for a reason and when you were in pain you should get enough of a pain killer to make sure that you weren't. Don't get me wrong once you left the hospital it was another story, he wanted you to get better without the use of pain meds. He only handed them out sparingly.

I'm not sure what brought me to my senses but something woke me and he was standing there just looking at me. He knew I was awake I couldn't pretend that I wasn't. I wasn't going to talk to him I was to mad at him. I closed my eyes again anyway. Maybe I wasn't asleep but I didn't have to acknowledge him if I didn't want to.

` "Are you awake Mike?" I just laid there I didn't move a muscle I just continued to lay there silently.

"Come on Mike I know you're awake I can tell that you're not sleeping." I didn't give a shit if he could or couldn't tell I was awake or asleep. I just cared that he leaves the room as soon as possible I guess that meant I needed to talk to him, to acknowledge his presence.

"Okay I'm awake, and so now you know I'm awake. What does that mean to you exactly?" By now I was looking directly into his eyes.

"What exactly do you fucking want from me Steve? To be forgiven? I was shouting loud enough that I'm sure the entire ER was listening and I couldn' t care less at that moment I really didn't care who heard what or who knew what about me and him. I wanted to hurt him and so yelling this out and making it public knowledge wouldn't make him happy I knew that much at least.

"Perhaps you're just pretending that you want something. God knows what? I sure as hell don't know what you want." He was motioning for me to be quiet and motioning with his hands to keep it calm. It was the last thing I felt like doing.

"I just want to talk to you to get this straightened out. I just don't want you to hate me. I've hurt you and I'm sorry and that isn't enough, I know that. It will never be enough. Randy doesn't mean anything, never did and never will. So I won't be running back into the arms of Randy. I won't be running back to anyone. If we aren't together neither of us will have anyone."

"Whose fault is that exactly just whose fault is it that we don't have anyone? It sure as hell isn't mine. That's for shit sure Steve. You make me fucking sick just to look at you. My stomach is rolling over while we speak" He kept trying to get me to be quiet to not yell or scream. He didn't want anyone to hear this that's for sure.

"And since you fucked every thing up I was driving and I shouldn't have been, but I had to get away from you. I couldn't stand the sight of you when I left. I'm finding that I still can't your time is growing shorter the longer you stand here. I really think it's better if you leave here. I'll face this battle on my own I'll make it on my own terms. But next time I won' t be so trusting the next man I meet I'll run him through the wringer before anything happens between us because nothing will until such time that he can prove to me that he's one hundred and ten percent trustworthy." Steve just stood there looking at me with both hands in his pocket neither one of us were saying anything.

"Will you let me tell you what happened, how we got together and why it doesn't mean anything? I realize I got played and Randy was the one that played me. I know I could have said no I know I could have stopped it. The mistake I made was that I even talked to him in the first place. I let him get close to me and when he did he started getting me hot and bothered and I just caved in I let my dick do the thinking Mike not my head. I know that does n't make it okay that it doesn't change anything I just want you to know that all he did was give me a blow job nothing else happened no one fucked anyone. And I didn't give him a blowjob either if you want to think that. He had me going and I was almost ready to cum and I realized the mistake I was making and I pushed him away and I left I ran out of the room. I swear that's all that happened Mike." He had said most of what he had to say just above a whisper trying to hide what he was saying to not be heard and I wasn't giving a fuck what people heard I was out to hurt him just like he hurt me I wanted people that were listening to know what a fuck wad he was.

"And so now I know it was just half a blow job well gee that makes it so much easier for me to handle. Do you really think that makes a difference to me? Do you think I'm going to reconsider? Get the fuck out Steve....LEAVE and don't come back I don't want anything from you. When I get out of here I 'll be moving out. I'll be moving back to my parent's house. The last place on earth I want to move but thanks to you I have no other options. You do what you want with the townhouse I could give a fuck you cock sucking fucking prick!" I was so mad I was shaking and it was making the pain get worse in my leg and arm I buzzed for the nurse and asked for more pain medication. All I wanted was to go to sleep. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I wanted whatever I could get to make me numb. I wasn't looking at him and I was done talking to him. I had nothing to say to him anymore. I wouldn' t ever let him hurt me again he and I were done there was no going back.

"Mike?" I just kept my eyes shut and didn't move.

"Michael Please." I wanted to roll over so I wouldn't have to face him but I couldn't I couldn't move my leg in order to turn away from him.

"Please Michael Please talk to me." I raised my left arm slightly and stuck up my middle finger at him.

"I won't stop loving you Michael. I can't, even if you say you don't love me I still love you with all my heart. Perhaps in a few weeks you won't be so mad and you'll let me at least talk to you." I just wanted to ignore him but reality is what it is and I knew I loved him still with all my heart I still loved him. You can't just turn off loving someone just because they did something to you that breaks your heart. Even if they lied to you, love just doesn't get turned off like a light switch. But I bit my tongue hard because I wasn't going to say anything to him. If I opened my mouth now the only thing that would come out would be the words, I Love You. I just kept my eyes shut there was no way I was going to open my eyes. If he was still there I would let him stay I wouldn't throw him out of my life and I knew it. I just had to keep my eyes shut. The next thing I was aware of was the nurse standing next to me. I turned my head to see her pushing the syringe into the IV tubing. I was afraid to look towards the end of the bed I was afraid to see if he was still standing there. I had stopped trembling at least. I was thankful of the nurse standing there if he was still there I could have him thrown out. I looked up and whispered to the nurse.

"Can you just tell me is there anyone still here in this room besides you and I?" She patted my arm.

"No Mike he's gone he left here crying if you're wondering. I'm sorry but most of us heard the fight. You did the right thing as far as I'm concerned. They're some others out there that don't agree with me but that's only because they have small minds. Now I need you to rest I got word a few minutes ago that the surgical team is in and they'll be coming to get you real soon. Besides the pain medication I just gave you I have you some Valium in that syringe that will help you relax for when you go upstairs. That way you won't be so nervous. I think that between the two you'll probably be asleep when they wheel you up to surgery. I'm leaving so just close your eyes and don't think about him anymore. I'll make sure that he doesn't come back in here so don't worry about that. Go to surgery with a cool and relaxed head. And good luck in your recovery and with the recovery of your heart as well."

"Thank you very much that was kind of you to say that to me, you've made me feel better already. I'll be fine after surgery I'll be okay." I'm not sure if I was trying to convince her of that or myself. But I did know that I was moving home after this I didn't want to but I didn't see any other options at this point in time. Unfortunately I was going to have to move back. I wouldn't be able to work regardless of how I was feeling from the cancer. I probably could have gone back to work within a week or two after this last round of treatments but I won't be able to work with this leg and arm in casts. I was screwed my whole world had changed all because of a fucking blowjob. Boy I was starting to really feel the medications she gave me, pretty soon I was going to be asleep that's for sure. I decided to just close my eyes and tried not to worry about anything what was the point? In a few more minutes I'd be out like a light anyway.

I woke up groggy and warm. I certainly recognized this place. I was in the recovery room and the surgery was over I had to look down and see how far the case went down my leg. I tried to prop myself up but I had just enough strength in me to barely lift my head. I buzzed for the nurse.

"Ah a happy customer returning so soon Mr. Mathews?" My friend the head nurse the one I had to stay awake ten minutes for before she'd send me to a room somewhere in the hospital. But she was pleasant and it was nice to see her smiling face in spite of the situation I was in.

"Hello and yes I know the rules but can I raise myself up I want to see how big the cast is on my leg. At least the one on the arm is manageable. I thought it would be more than this."

"Well you've been good so far and haven't been yelling for anything to drink I suppose I can help raise you up and let you take a peek, but its not that bad really it could be worse, not by much I grant you but it could be." She was smiling the whole time she talked to me and she was raising the bed. I looked down towards the end of my bed with my eyes half shut I was still leery of what I was going to find. I looked to see what certainly was going to be a pain in my ass cast.

"Holy Shit did they have to make it that long?" I didn't mean to swear there was no reason really. I was just taken by surprise at how big it was. It ran from just above my toes to half way between my knee and my crotch. Actually it was closer to my crotch than my knee.

"I'm sorry Janet I didn't mean to swear I was just surprised by the length of the cast. I didn't think it would be that long."

"Mike you broke your leg in two places you're lucky that's all you got, but you'll fine and I know compared to what you've been through this will be a cakewalk in the park for you."

"I'll tell you what Janet I'll go home and come to work for you and you can take that cakewalk in the park for me, how's that sound?"

"Sorry but I'm not the one that broke their leg!" I had to laugh at her at least she made me smile. I knew the routine that I had to stay awake I wasn't sure if I was ready to stay awake just yet.

"I think Janet you can lower the bed I'm not ready for the ten minute test yet."

"I'm pretty sure you're not either Mike!" Janet lowered my bed back down and asked me if I needed a drink of water just to tease me.

"Will you make that a double?" I put my head on my pillow and closed my eyes. The anesthesia was still not out of my system completely it took another two hours to pass Janet's ten minute stay awake test. And soon after I was transferred to a room to be all by myself again. I was beginning to think that Dr. Grisales made sure every time I had a room I was by myself. But this time I was glad I wanted it that way. I wasn't there long enjoying my peace and quiet before I had my first visitors, my mother and father had arrived. My mother approached on one side and my father the other both wanted to hug me. I grabbed my mother first and then I grabbed my father.

"Steve called to tell us you're here but he didn't go into details he just said you had been in an accident and that they were taking you to surgery and then he figured out about when you would be out of surgery and into a room. What happened? How did you get into this accident? Who's fault was it? " Always wanting to get to the bottom of things my father never quit.

"Well it was probably my fault to begin with I think I ran the red light I wasn't paying attention like I should have been. So yea Dad it was probably my fault.

"What were you doing that you weren't paying attention to the red light?"

"Dad it doesn't matter I just wasn't that's the bottom line. Let's just talk about something else for now. I don't want to talk about how or why I was in the accident okay?" I wasn't mad but if I didn't bit my tongue I'd say something I might regret later. I could tell by the look on my mother' s face that she had an idea what the reason was but she didn't say anything or push the issue. Which is why I felt she had an idea what the reason was for not paying attention.

"Let it go for now you two. What did the doctor say about where they did the surgery on your head? Was there any damage there or do they for see any problems because of this accident?"

"No Mom everything is fine with that Dr. Grisales was called from the accident I told them to let him know I was coming in, so he was in on this from the minute they brought me in here. So don't worry about that okay?" I could see the wheels still turning in my fathers head, he still wanted to know what was distracting enough to not pay attention to a red light and traffic. It's just how my father was always digging to get to the bottom of things. I had to change the subject. I guess moving home would do it but that would bring the one subject up that I didn't want to talk about, Steve. I wasn't sure what in the hell I was going to do. For now I just didn't want to talk about the accident or Steve. I laid there and just closed my eyes trying to think of how I was going to do this. Where else could I possibly go to live? My father didn't seem to mind that my eyes were closed and I wasn' t talking, he was still chewing the fat over the accident I could tell by his pacing back and forth from the window to the bed.

"I'm going to ask you something Michael and its all right to tell me the truth." He's put two and two together and now he's just looking for confirmation on his theory. I knew he couldn't leave it alone.

"I take it you and Steve had a fight before the accident?" How did he know that? Steve didn't say anything when he called them or he'd already know that answer. I wonder why Steve didn't say anything because he knows whose fault it was he knows he was the reason for the accident and he's feeling guilty serves him right. But it left me sitting here with my father waiting for an answer. And he wasn't being mean I know he just wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to understand the cause of me being hurt. I couldn' t keep laying here and not saying anything I had to talk to him and tell him something. I just wasn't sure what that was. My mother was the one that broke the silence.

"Let's not worry about that right now dear, if they did and Michael wants us to know he'll tell us what's going on between them I'm sure." Guilt, she knew how to use it so well when we were growing up as kids. Without touching you or yelling at you or threatening you she would use guilt on you to get to the truth. It was just the way she said it and how she emphasized certain words. And here she is again pulling out the old I can make you feel so guilty if you don't tell me what it is I need to know. She was good, so smooth and she never lifted a finger or her voice. I hated myself at that particular moment. I was going to tell them and I knew it.

"Yes we did we had a fight and I was upset and the rest is history. Now I' m here and you know why." I felt like shit because saying it out loud to them did nothing except make me want to cry. And I did not want to cry in front of him it just made me feel like a piece of shit for crying. I knew how much he despised me doing it. I was trying with everything I had in me not to let the waterworks start. And the last thing I wanted was to talk about it. I just knew he wasn't going to leave it alone I knew I had to head him off before he started doing the talking.

"Have you called Cindy and told her I was here yet?' I directed it at my mother trying to focus on her and in hopes she'd kept the conversation flowing in that direction.

"No I haven't called anyone because I wanted to get the facts before I called anyone and tried to tell them anything. But I can do that when I get home since you're really okay. Mostly it's just your left leg and right arm that are the problems. What are you going to do when you get out of here? Do you want to come home? I've got a lot of time built up at work so I could take time off to help you with getting around and making sure you get fed and just anything else."

"So what happened Michael what were you two fighting about that got you that upset?" I knew he wasn't going to leave it alone and now my mother had asked me if I wanted to move home. Without the words being spoken it implied that my father wanted to know the whole story. Before I moved back into the house. But I wasn't ready to tell him the story yet.

"Dad I'm sorry but for right now I don't want to talk about this it's that simple. Yes I do want to move home for now. Hopefully it won't be for long I like my independence and living at home has rules I don't like living by and I don't mean to be disrespectful to you or Mom but I can't live by your rules and I like being on my own. It's just that I've been on my own long enough that its going to be hard for me to have to live by your rules now that's all Dad.

"To be honest you're old enough to know what's right and wrong. I just ask that while you're living at home you do that. Don't worry about any of the "rules" As you call them." I was surprised to say the least at him saying not to worry about his rules he ran a tight ship when we were growing up.

"I can do that but what if I invite a guy over? Are you going to be able to handle that?"

"Does that mean that the fight you had with Steve was over the fact that you and him aren't together anymore?" Shit, I set that up for him perfectly now I had to deal with this and I didn't want to, not now.

"Dad I don't want to talk about Steve right now, okay? It's over does that answer your question?"

"Michael I'm not trying to pry I just am trying to make sure you're okay, and if and when you want to talk about Steve and what happened then I'll be there to listen if you don't want to talk about it then we won't it's up to you." He would be willing to talk to me about Steve's and my relationship, wow that was a big step for him.

"Thanks Dad maybe at some point I might but not now." I felt better it was out on the table they at least knew that something had happened and that Steve and I were done and I was moving home. The last place on earth I wanted to be but I had no other choices and maybe it wouldn't be so bad living at home again. At least I knew the rent would be cheap, I'd be paying less than I was at the townhouse. The few days that I spent in the hospital went by pretty quick and I was looking forward to being discharged. My day of freedom came and I was excited to get dressed and be out of my second home I felt like I had lived here more in the last five weeks than any place else.

My parents were being really good about me coming to live there again and to my surprise my mother decided not to take off work nor stay here and take care of me. Instead they were going to place an ad in the paper for someone with a medical back ground to come in on a daily basis to help me with my current needs. I agreed to the setup as long as I had final say in who they hired, they agreed to let me handle the whole interview and hiring process I was excited at the thought of being the one to handle it. My mother of course stayed home while I went through the process of trying to find someone. Honestly I could get around most of the times as awkward as it was but there was no way I could stay home all day by myself, especially if I fell. And my biggest problem was the bathroom and trying to sit on the john with the cast the way it was and the setup of our bathroom it wasn't an easy task. I would be able to take showers thanks to the setup of our shower stall. As long as the casts were wrapped up and there was a stool in the shower I could do it myself. I just needed help getting in and out. My parents and myself were just worried about the water on the tile and the possibility of me going face down if the crutches slide out from under me. Not being able to walk on the cast presented the biggest challenges and that was really the reason I needed the help. Being alone for an hour or so wasn't so bad but I couldn't go longer than that.

The ad was placed and within a few days there was a stampede of applicants looking to be hired. I didn't mind handling weeding people out to be hired. Since I was the one that was going to be spending nine to ten hours a day with this person. So the process began of talking to everyone. It went easier than I thought but I wasn't finding anyone that I seem to hit it off with. I thought there had to be at least some kind of chemistry between us before I hired them. Keeping that in mind I kept talking to people. After fifteen there were two that were good possibilities but I wasn't totally comfortable with either one. I began to think that I was just being too picky trying to find someone. My mother kept reassuring me that I would find someone and just to keep looking but I wasn't getting to many more applicants I was beginning to think that maybe I should just pick one of the two that I had already chosen, if they didn't work out I could call the next one on the list. It sounded like a good idea to me. I called the one I thought was the better of the two. It ended quickly after the third day, I felt like I was in a prison camp and taking orders from the warden. How can I have been so blind on this one? I was beginning to doubt my abilities to interview and read people. Maybe it would have been better if my parents had done this and picked the person out. So I called the second on the list. Maybe it was just me and I was looking at the wrong people either that or my ability to judge people went out the door during the accident. I went from the warden from hell to being told that I could do it by myself that I didn't really need the help like I thought. He kept telling me that I had to learn to do these things on my own because what if no one was around to help me. Wasn't that the reason I hired him? Since there wasn't anyone else on the list that I really liked I was getting desperate I didn't want my mother here every day and she was beginning to think that just maybe she should stay home with me. But she surprised me one day after coming home from work and she told me that one of the ladies she works with has someone who is out of work and is interested in doing this. He would be there in the morning to talk to me. I figured what did I have to lose it couldn't be any worse than what I' ve already been through. Figures the morning rolls around that I'm supposed to meet him and I feel like crap and don't want to get out of bed. I asked my mother to talk to him and if she likes him tell him if he can start today he's hired. About forty-five minutes later I hear my mother and who ever it is walking towards my bedroom. Oh great he's going to start today I heard him say that much. That was my one absolute stipulation whoever got hired it had to be a guy I didn't want some sixty year old grandmother type taking care of me. I just felt like it I would feel a little more comfortable if it was a guy.

"Michael I have your care taker here, he's agreed to start in two hours he has something to do and then he'll be back. Are you going to get up? Come on at least say hello to him."

"Hello, later Mom I'm trying to sleep a little and I just got rolled over and comfortable. I don't want to get up just yet, I still don't feel that good. I don't mean to be rude it's just that it's a bitch to roll over with this cast on."

"Language Michael please."

"Oh Mom bitch isn't that bad of a word." I heard him laugh a little, whomever it was I knew based on that fact alone that we would hit it off. At least I was hoping we would otherwise I was just going to let my mother do the job. Eating nails and sandpaper would have been better than letting her take care of me for all those weeks. I then realized that no matter what I was going to like this guy even if it killed me I was going to like him. Soon enough he was back as promised.

"Michael its time to get out of bed and move a little you've been in bed long enough. I'll leave you with him he's not usually like this he's just complaining today that he doesn't feel well. I think he's just being lazy and doesn't want to get out of bed."

"Don't worry Mrs. Mathews I'll take care of him and get him moving I don' t like my patients laying around all day!" Oh great another warden on my hands, well it's either him or my Mom, okay I like him, I like him, I like him. I decided to roll over and meet the new warden.

"CHARLIE!"

"Hi Mike I thought that was you laying there when I first came in, but since you were covered up so much I wasn't sure. I was wondering how you made out that night after Cory and I left you in the ER."

"Oh man am I glad to see you. Mom Charlie was one of the paramedics that took care of me the night of the accident. Oh man Charlie I've already gone through two people trying to find someone that would take this job and that I would get along with. As long as you don't play warden we'll be all set. I just need some help with a few things. Its just little things that I need help with. Man am I glad to see its you. I was worried, this morning I was forcing myself to like whoever walked in the door, as long as I didn't have to put up with my mother for the next eight to twelve weeks." My mother waved her arms at me and turned to leave us.

"Good by Michael I'll see you later tonight I'm off to work. I'm glad you found someone to help you that you seem to like."

"Bye Mom."

"First things first, I'm not the warden type number one. I'll help you with whatever you feel you need help with. I'll make sure you're fed and have something to drink. Does that pretty much sound like what you're looking for?"

"Yes that's all I require really but how come you're doing this don't you have your job being a paramedic?" I was glad to see a face that I kind of knew. At least in the sense of how he'd take care of me. I knew from the way he treated me the night of the accident that he'd be okay to take care of me now. He had an easy way of talking to people that's for sure. He seemed like he cared about people and he cared about what he was doing.

"Well the township had to make some cuts in the police and fire department. Since I was low man on the totem pole I was the first in the fire department to go."

"That's to bad Charlie, did they let you know if they would take you back?"

"That's going to depend on how they work the budget for the township next spring. They'll take me back if the fire department gets the funding to afford me." I felt bad for him he really was a nice guy, but I realized how the budgets work in government. Charlie was a few years older than me I figured maybe twenty eight to thirty years old. He wasn't what I would call a hunk but he still wasn't ugly either. He had jet-black hair and emerald green eyes. That bright green emerald. And he was hairy with dark hair and his arms were thick with it. I was sure if he was without a shirt he'd have a hairy chest and stomach. I had no doubt that he had a girl or perhaps a guy after him.

"I hope its not to long and they call you back. You did a great job that night you and Cory took care of me. I really appreciated it believe me after what I'd been through prior to the accident the hospital was the last place I wanted to be."

"Why's that? If you don't mind me asking."

"Remember I told you I had been diagnosed with cancer. They found a tumor in my brain, then they had to take it out which they did and then they put me through chemotherapy. A few weeks later they decided I still needed radiation treatment. Which made me lose twenty-seven pounds for some reason. So I had to stay longer in the hospital because they wanted me to gain some of the weight and strength that I had lost. So I did that and then I went back to the townhouse with my boyfr...." Why did I tell him that? I didn't want to go in that direction.

"I'm sorry I really didn't mean to say.."

"Mike you're fine I have no problem with the fact that you have a boyfriend most of us don't say that when we first meet someone for the first time. It takes guts to just say it like that." So he's gay well at least we have something in common now.

"I don't usually tell people that the first time I meet them. And I don' t have a boyfriend anymore. It's ironic that you end up here taking care of me. The reason I was in the accident was because of him.

"Why? What happened, if you don't mind me asking: I didn't mind Charlie was just someone you felt comfortable with. I didn't feel like he was prying. His questioning made it easy for me to open up with him.

"Steve and I had a fight, I found out he cheated on me and I was I guess you could say I was breaking up with him. I got so mad at him that I left the house and I was furious I was hurt I was crying and he ran out of the house trying to stop me but I just took off and I was crying to hard and wasn' t paying attention to the lights and I ran the red light. And the next thing I know is you and Cory are there taking care of me and getting me out the car. I don't mean to ramble on about this."

"It's fine and you're not rambling. We're going to be spending a lot of time together I guess we're going to be doing some talking along the way. Speaking of spending time together how about you get up off this bed and do you want to get dressed or do you take your shower now or later how you do you run your schedule? Because I'll do it which ever way you want it done."

"For now I just want to get up and throw on my sweat pants and another shirt or maybe a sweater. How's the weather today? Cold or warm?"

"Cold I suggest a sweater Mike."

"Sweater it is there's a blue sweater and pants to match right over there next to my desk they're sitting on the hamper although they are clean, I' ll wear those." Charlie proceeded to swing my leg off of the bed and got me in a sitting position. I took off my t-shirt and Charlie noticed the scraps on my back from the accident.

"Nice job you did on your back was that all from the accident?"

"Yep, I have this cream I've got to put on it so everyday you get to put that on whatever it is it smells like shit to me I hate the stuff but my mother says its doing a good job. I put it on after my shower, which I usually do that in the afternoon, it's my big project for the day. Mainly because it's so much work getting the bags on my casts and taping them up so they don't get wet."

"Yea I can imagine, can you handle the shower yourself or do I need to help you get it done?"

"I can do it myself I just need help getting in and out everything else I can do. My Dad set up a stool in the shower for me to sit on. So we just have to worry about any water on the tile floor and the crutches sliding out from under me." This was going to be awkward at shower time. I liked Charlie not that I wanted to go to bed with him. But when a guy has what I consider to be a better body than mine I just tend to be more self-conscious. Charlie had a better body. Charlie was about the right weight for his height. At least from my viewpoint he was.

"We'll handle that easy enough I'll just make sure the floor is dry before you get in. Then you'll only need my help getting out if you need it."

"Oh yes sir Charlie I'll need help getting out I have no intentions of landing on my ass in the shower I can hear Dr. Grisales now if he saw me in the hospital again so soon after everything else I've been going through. He' ll begin to think I'm trying to kill myself." With my history as soon as I said it I realized I wouldn't be the first to try that. Cancer patients are made aware of the reality of those thoughts when first diagnosed especially those whose cancer probably won't let them survive. Doctors told me straight out that if I had those thoughts I was only being normal. And I did have them in the very beginning but I never once dwelt on them. I was hoping Charlie didn't take what I said the wrong way. I wanted to clarify the thought anyway.

"Charlie I don't or haven't thought about killing myself, seriously anyway. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea about me."

"You're good seriously Mike I had a feeling it wasn't something you'd consider. You just don't come off like the type, your personality from what I' ve encountered up to this point is upbeat. You have what I call a survivor mode and to me that means no matter what you fight whatever battle or road block that comes your way you just keep on trucking. Am I right about you? Is that how you are?" I thought for a second how he was the second person that told me I'm a fighter. But I guess I really can't count the first one. He was pretty much lying to me I don't know if Randy had really meant it or if it was just a line of bullshit. And like a ton of bricks it hit me I realized when Steve and Randy did their supposed blowjob. When Steve didn't call me back in the hospital and he looked like shit when he came in to see me. Maybe he wasn't lying about walking away from Randy right in the middle of things. That's why he looked like shit he hadn't slept because he felt guilty about it. Maybe just maybe he wasn't lying about that part anyway. No matter how you sliced it, he had still lied to me.

"Hey Mike you in there?"

"Oh yeah sorry just had this revelation all of a sudden about something. What were we talking about? You asked me something I just don't remember."

"I was telling you that I thought of you as a fighter not someone that would contemplate suicide. It was just an observation I made about you, remember now?"

"Oh yeah, the fighter thing. It's funny you say that because I've never considered myself as a fighter. I'm a pacifist not matter the situation."

"That's okay you're not a physical fighter I just mean you're a fighter when it comes to other issues in your life."

"You're right Charlie I do tend to fight the conflicts I'm confronted with like the cancer and now this. But when it comes to physical confrontation I'm chicken shit, I'm running the other way. Believe me I'm running. There were too many times growing up that I got beat up and it just made matters worse for me because I would run away instead of trying to fight back. Which in the long run made me an easy target for the guys that were out to prove how tough and mean they were in front of the girls and other guys. How was if for you growing up did you get beat up because people just thought you were gay?"

"I only had two guys that continually picked on me just because they thought I was to. They did it mostly because they were the class bullies I wasn' t the only one they picked on out of the crowd. Most of the class ignored them just because they were bullies to lots of people. And luckily most of the kids didn't bother me they just left me alone I had a few friends that I became good friends with and I'm still friends with them today."

Charlie finally had me dressed and out of bed. We progressed through the day well. He made lunch and he had me set the table for us. He didn't think I should be sitting down doing nothing for lunch so setting the table was my job. He put all the dishes on the table I had to put everything in its place. He helped me get up and down because that was my awkward time and the easiest time to fall on my face. Shower time was fast approaching and I began to feel my over self-conscious kick in to over drive. Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn't it be just no big deal? Because I lacked self-confidence I guess when it came to the way I looked without clothes on. Maybe I could push it off until tomorrow. I'll just play like I'm not feeling well, besides all I do is sit all day its not like I get dirty doing something. Yea right how lame am I going to look playing like I'm not feeling well he's not stupid and then I'll look like a real idiot because he'll look right by that little game. And the thought of him having to wash me God what if I do the unthinkable and pop a boner? I'll die of embarrassment and shame. Why did I tell him it was part of my daily ritual I should have told him that I take a shower every other day? Thank god I could wash my own crotch. He didn't have to touch that. But it had to beat my father helping me in the shower like he had been. God that was uncomfortable with him. I'm not sure who was more uncomfortable with it, him or I? Thank god that was going to be over with no more father son bath time. The only thing that made me weirded out about the whole thing with him was that he felt he would just take his shower at the same time I was taking mine. That was fine when I was four or five but not now. So maybe it wasn't so bad with Charlie being the one after all.

"When did you let people know you were gay Charlie? If you don't mind me asking. And feel free to tell me it's none of my business any time I ask you something you feel I shouldn't."

"I don't mind you asking Mike. I told my parents when I was senior in high school. My mother was okay with it she told me she knew all along anyway. And I thought I was hiding it so well from her. My father didn't take it so well he still doesn't talk to me. He thinks gay people are nothing but sexual perverts and that they are out to molest small children and any other men they can get their hands on. I think he was afraid that I was going to go after him once I told them. So it hasn't been easy. He'll talk to me at family functions only if he absolutely must address me. But every time he does it's like acid coming out of his mouth."

"I'm sorry he feels that way towards you that must really hurt you." I thought of my own parents and realized how lucky I was they were handling my sexuality they way they were.

"How about you when did you come out?" I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time when he asked me that question.

"I don't even know where to begin except to say it's been very recent. The first person was my brother, which turned out to be a mistake, and someday when you and I are sitting here I'll tell you all the sorted details. But everyone I know pretty much knows now. As for my parents they found out right about the same time I found out that I had cancer. And so luckily for me that issue kind of pushed the gay issue on the back burner. So now they' re pretty good about it. Not a hundred percent but I'll take it the way it is for now." I felt so good telling Charlie I didn't mention Steve I didn't see the point.

"Wow, well now I just tell people that I feel comfortable with but I don' t advertise like some do, I'm sorry I just don't see the point in screaming out to the world I'm gay. And its not that I'm ashamed I'm not I just don 't feel its necessary to go all postal letting people know something that should be personal in my book.

"I'm pretty close to feeling the same way Charlie I really am." From that point on Charlie and I had a great time talking to each other. As comfortable as I was the inevitable happened it was shower time and Charlie was just moving things along to the point that I knew I wasn't getting out of it. Perhaps he was sensing my apprehension.

"So Mike do you shave in the shower or not?"

"In the shower I always found it easier and I like standing in the hot steam those extra few minutes it takes me to shave."

"I'm the same way." I kind of laughed it was more of a nervous laugh than a funny ha ha laugh. Charlie picked up on it right away.

"Don't be nervous about this Mike you have nothing to be nervous about. Just trust me okay believe me I've done this before for three other guys and one woman. I've seen it all being a paramedic it'll be fine believe me."

"I wish I could feel the way you do, its just things like this oh I don' t know how to say this I don't know why I'm just.." I was wringing my hands and looking at them while I was searching trying to put my feelings into words without sounding stupid or worse even more self-conscious than I already was.

"Just tell me what it is Mike, I'm here to help you I can't if you don' t tell me."

"It's not you Charlie... it's me. I'm just... I don't know.. Shit this is so aggravating and silly it's stupid it's really stupid." How could I tell him what was wrong, it was so immature I felt like I was back in junior high the first time I had to take a shower in gym class. On top of feeling inadequate about how I looked I just felt uncomfortable with the whole thing. I have showered in high school, in the military and yet here I was feeling like I was back at square one, I was getting angry with myself.

"Look at me Mike just for a second look at me in my eyes. Now just relax and let me help you with this. Now just let your body feel all loose, I don' t want you to think about anything. Think about just laying on the beach, and the sun feels good on your skin you can hear the waves gently rolling in as they roll up on the sand and quietly fade in sound. Now take in a nice deep breath and slowly exhale." I just lost it, everything that I had been holding in and not talking about just let go and the tears were just rolling down my cheeks. I felt like an idiot. I couldn't stop. It went wrong when he told me to take that nice deep breath it was like Steve was standing there. My guard was down I wasn't expecting him to use that phrase. Charlie came up by my side and put his arm over my shoulder.

"Whatever it is Mike just let it go just let it all out. I'll just stand here with you until you're ready to stop. Let it all go until you don't have anything left, you need this I think, you've been through a lot and I don 't think you're dealing with all of it like you should be." And he stood there for what seemed like forever but I was finally spent there was nothing left. Charlie got a face cloth and made it hot and handed it to me to wash my face.

"I don't know where that came from Charlie I don't know why I started crying like that you had me feeling so relaxed and the last thing you said... I know what started it but I don't know why it made me cry like that."

"You want to tell me? You don't have to if you don't want to Mike. I don' t want to push or pry into something that's not my business." I just shrugged my shoulders and figured why not.

"The ex-boyfriend use to tell me to take a deep breath and breathe whenever I was uptight about something. When you said it I don't know what happened I just started crying and you know the rest.

"How long ago was it again was it the night of the accident?"

"Yea we had it out that night I found out he cheated on me and he cheated with a guy that use to torment and beat me up in high school he use to make my life miserable. That's who he cheated on me with. I was furious that night I couldn't see straight and I wasn't paying attention. I should have never been driving that night Charlie. I should have never been in my car."

"Have you talked to him since that night?"

"The doctor called Steve from the hospital that night he didn't know what had happened and Steve showed up in the ER. I yelled some more at him and told him to get out. I told him that I was moving out and that I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. About two years of my life flushed down the drain."

"That's to bad Mike I'm sorry to hear that after all you've been though I'm surprised you haven't broken down before this. I'm not a doctor but lets look at it this way. One, you get diagnosed with cancer, two you go through all the surgery and the treatments, three you have a bad break from someone you obviously love and last you have the car accident, am I right so far?"

"Yes that's about it."

"And all this happens in what about six to eight weeks?"

"Bingo, good on the second question."

"I'm going to suggest you talk to your doctor about all this you may need something to help your nerves. He might even suggest you see someone; I'm surprised he didn't or hasn`t at this point in time, but from your outward appearance he might not realize how much this is really affecting you. You' re being brave and trying to hold it all together but we all have our limits, maybe you've reached yours, we all need help at some point Mike, no one can do everything especially after what you've been through."

"Maybe you're right Charlie, maybe you're right." I had to admit that if nothing else I felt better than I had in a while I wasn't feeling as stressed as I had before the dam broke.

"Now that we have that under control lets tackle the shower that's what we started to do let's finish it okay?" Yeah that's what we started but I still wasn't feeling good about doing it. I felt like an idiot maybe I wasn' t the adult I thought I was.

"Let's get you hobbling into the bathroom and start the process. I know in your condition it's always a process, so let's go Pal." Charlie got me up off the couch and into the lion's den we went. I hated myself for feeling like this. Maybe if I just blurt it out to Charlie I wouldn't feel so stupid.

"Charlie I'll be honest I don't know why but I am so self conscious about doing this I feel like an idiot even just telling you."

"What in the hell do you have to be self-conscious about Mike" I almost started laughing was he kidding me was he really serious?

"Look at me isn't it obvious?"

"No am I missing something? What the casts? The short hair? Am I missing something?"

"Do you have eyes Charlie? Or are you blind or something wrong with your eyesight?"

"No, none of those and yes I have eyes that work fine. So again I repeat myself what am I missing that you think I should be seeing?"

"Okay I get it I guess it's just me, it's just me!"

"Mike tell me why you feel this way I'm serious what short comings are you thinking you have that you should feel this self-conscious about and I want them all in detail."

"My weight for one I mean look at me! I'm fat to begin with."

"And the problem here is what?" He was making me feel like an idiot the way he said his response. I was beginning to wonder should I even bother to go on because he was going to be just as flippant with anything I probably had to say I realized he was trying to get me to see that what I thought was a big deal really wasn't it was easy for him to say he didn't even look over weight.

"Easy to say from a skinny guy."

"Yeah and you know what I think about me when you say your so skinny. I feel like I need to put some weight on. Who wants to make out with someone whose hip bones stick out when he lays down?"

"You're not that skinny Charlie."

"Yes I am, my hips do stick out like that Mike, it's disgusting to me."

"And I'd kill to have some weight on me. And believe me I've tried no matter what I eat I don't gain weight and of every two or three pounds I gain within a few days it's gone." I was beginning to see where he was going with this. He was trying to show me that we all have things about ourselves we don't like. I don't know if it was making me feel any less crappy about myself.

"I see what you're saying Charlie but still there's things I just.."

"Forget about it Mike you'll be fine you have nothing to worry about. You and I will get through the shower I'll help you and it will all be good." People with confidence why am I drawn to people who are that sure about themselves?

Charlie was right and he got me into the shower and out without me feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation. It was the first of many in the weeks that passed with my recovery. We spent our days passing the time with talking, playing cards, watching television and just enjoying hanging out together. I learned a lot about Charlie and his life growing up and he learned a lot about mine.

He took me where ever I wanted to go which was only a few times getting in and out of the car tended to be a pain in the ass the only place I could sit comfortably was the back seat where I could stretch out with my leg across the seat. I had my doctor appointments to check on the cancer and was passing those with flying colors. I was happy to get the news every time. But in the back of my head I kept that seed of doubt alive and well. Anytime I looked at a calendar or measured time in some way I found myself thinking is there any real time for me left would I make it past that first year anniversary of the cancer being discovered?

And I thought about Steve a lot. I couldn't get him out of my head or out of my heart. Some days where better than others and nights were the worst times. During the day I had Charlie to keep me and my mind occupied so it was easier to steer my mind clear of thinking about him to long. But at night I had the time to dwell right before bedtime was the worst. That's when I had the time to really think about how much I missed his touch, I missed his kisses and I craved to have him put his arms around me. He called several times trying to get me to talk to him I was able to hang up on him. I didn' t want to talk to him and I cried every time I did hang up that phone. I kept telling myself how it was going to get easier as time went by and I repeated over and over that time heals all wounds. And right after that I would ask myself why did I still love him so much why did I crave him so badly still? Maybe if I talked to him I could finish this off once and for all. Perhaps I could finish it and just walk away with a clear head and possibly a heart that would mend.

Charlie and I were having fun spending our days together laughing and joking and just killing time. As those days passed I began to grow fond of him and I looked forward to Monday mornings and his arrival. I found myself missing him over the weekend. Due largely to my insecurities I wasn't sure if Charlie felt the same way or if he was just doing his job really well. And I was stuck wondering if I should say anything to him or not. And then I think to myself what if I don't have the time? What if the cancer comes back? I had to think to myself about that reality. If I knew the answer would I ask him to go out on a date with me? I should ask him in case I don't have the luxury of time at least I might have a chance of some fun and if I have the time maybe it would work out who knows. But if I just keep wondering and asking myself these questions nothing is going to happen and I'll never know if I missed out on an opportunity or not. I decided to ask him out on a date for this Saturday coming up. This would be interesting here I am asking him on a date and I can't pick him up at his place. I can't drive him anywhere and any place we'd go he's going to have to help me. What a date I 'll make I can see it now. I'll ask him would you go out on a date with me as long as you pick me up, you help me into your car, well he could use my car, that's one plus. So anyway after that I could ask him to help me into my car and oh yea would you mind driving? I'll pay wherever we go and then you can drop me off at my house and then drive yourself home. Oh yea, I'm a hot date prospect! So Charlie aren't you glad I asked you out after all? The alternative is asking him to my house and have either my mother or father maybe prepare a lunch for us or a dinner. Just what I'd want my parents doing, being here while they make us a dinner or something. And I'm sure it would really make Charlie want to come over. If I still had Steve I wouldn' t have to be thinking about any of this. But I didn't have him. I had to pick up the pieces and move on. And it finally dawned on me how I could pull this off. It might be a little over the top for a first date but it would eliminate all my problems! And all I had to do now was get my balls up enough to ask him. This would be interesting to see if I would chicken out or not. Why is this so fucking hard for me? The worst that can happen is that he says no. Yeah no and then we have to see each other everyday until the casts are off. Maybe I should wait until then, that's another month at the least, yep another month gone and perhaps one more month less to live. It was now or never. At some point tomorrow I was going to grow those balls and ask him. I haven't been this nervous since oh shit I can't remember being this nervous.

"Good morning Mike, I'm here to start your day as usual, you ready to hit the old bricks and hobble out to the living room first or do you want to take your shower first. What do you want to this fine glorious bright sunny day?" I wondered if he was really this happy every day when he crawled out of bed or did he act like this just for me. I'm a morning person myself but even I'm not that spunky until I'm up for a little while.

"Do you crawl out of bed in this mood or does it take you like eight or nine cups of coffee to get you in this mood? It's either one of those or I want some of the drugs you're on."

"Oh you're funny this morning this happens to be my usual self that happens between crawling out of bed and my first cup of coffee. No drugs honest! "

"Then I want the coffee brand you're drinking Charlie."

"Come on you big brute lets get you moving this is your lame attempt of not getting out of bed and moving you don't con me I know what you're up to. It's been long enough that I know when you're trying to delay the inevitable. You start out with questions just like you're doing now."

"That is so untrue well maybe its half true, it's just my bed feels really good this morning and the blankets are calling my name honest Charlie."

"I'm going to be calling your blankets in a minute, I've already let you stay in bed an extra forty-five minutes. I don't want you getting lazy on me and besides I'm bored sitting in the living room all by myself with nothing to do and no one to talk to." He was sounding so pathetic and sad while he's telling me all this.

"That's bullshit I know you, you take great pleasure in coming in here and torturing me and pushing me out of my warm comfortable bed."

"And if you don't get up I'm going to pull those sheets and blankets off of you in a minute."

"See what I did I just say? Did I not just say that you take great delight in torturing me?" We were both laughing but it was how most of our mornings started since Charlie had started coming to the house to take care of me. It was just his way of getting me going in the morning especially those days he could tell I wasn't my usual self. It did help that we were both morning people. As I lay there and feigned sleeping I could hear Charlie getting closer to my bed I clutched the blankets as tightly as I could I knew he was going to uphold his promise. I was determined to make him struggle in order to get the blankets off of me. All was quiet for a few seconds and I was beginning to wonder what he was up to. I didn't want to look to see what he was up to and then I felt him sit on the bed close to my waist.

"Oh Mike remember what I said?"

"No I have short term memory loss."

"Well in that case since you can't remember I won't do what I said I was going to. Instead I think I'll stick my fingers into your side and begin to see if I poke around what exactly would happen to you."

"Don't I promise I'll get up." That was the last thing I wanted was for him to start poking me in the sides. I couldn't fight him off the way I was laying.

"But Mike I don't see you moving fast enough and for that one must be taught a lesson." I grabbed the blanket to throw if off of me to show him I was going to get up. In the same instance Charlie began poking my side I was laughing and trying to get untangled from the sheet due to my casts trying and trying to move to fast it just wasn't happening. He was being victorious at the moment.

"Stop Stop I give I'll get up I swear I'll get up."

"All right we won't have that again we will Mike."

"No, I swear but that wasn't fair if I didn't have these casts on you would not have won that round I promise you that."

"Yea sure somehow I don't believe you I could keep you pinned down anytime. I know your weak spots Mike."

"I request a rematch when the casts are removed." I had said it joking around with him. But somehow it made me feel encouraged to ask him about going out.

"You're on Mike I'll take you up on that rematch when the casts are off I' ll show you how I can still whip your ass little man."

"LITTLE MAN! Oh big talk from a guy that just beat a guy with two casts on. I will show no mercy on you when it comes time for that rematch. You will regret the day you did this!"

"Yea, Yea, Yea, so what's it going to be the living room or the shower its t time to get your ass in gear Mike?"

"Fine lets get the shower out of the way first today, that way I won't have to do it later on. Yeah I know what difference does it make in my busy schedule?" Charlie got me up off the bed and I hobbled into the bathroom. As I get ready Charlie did his shower ritual of making sure the floor was dry in the shower so I didn't have to worry about slipping on the water. I sat down on my stool and Charlie started wrapping my casts with the bags and taped them up. I sat down on my stool and lost the shorts I was wearing and Charlie left me so I could turn on the water and shave and then get myself washed up and rinsed off. Once I had that accomplished he'd come back into the shower stall and get me dried off and take the plastic off the casts and then we'd get out and he'd help me get dressed.

Having gotten a glimmer of hope when Charlie agreed to a rematch my balls got a little bigger to ask him out. I figured now was as good a time as any. I felt like throwing up. I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

"Hey what are you doing this coming Saturday night?" I held my breath and crossed my fingers and toes. I would have crossed my eyes but he would have seen me looking like I had gotten retarded all of a sudden. He would have said no just out of fear that there really was something wrong with me.

"Nothing just hanging out at home as far as I know why?"

"Um.. I was wondering if you're not opposed to it I'd like to ask you out for a dinner date?" He just looked at me and I didn't know what to think by the reaction on his face. I just held my breath and waited.

"Well okay, I`ll go."

"Don't sound so enthusiastic I don't want to force you and don't say yes out of pity, geez."

"No it's not that. I'm just wondering if you want me to pick you up or how..."

"You let me take care of that, I'll pick you up don't worry about that okay?" He was looking at me like I was out of my mind.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"If you don't mind me asking but how in the hell are you going to pick me up?"

"You just let me worry about that I already have it figured out so you don 't worry about anything. The only thing is that you'll have to do is help me get around that night and oh yea cut up anything I can't on my plate, just like we do now."

"All right Mike we have a date on Saturday night." I was really pumped that he said yes to going out. I had something to look forward to and plans to make before then and I had to think of something to do after dinner. At least he said yes and I had some thing to look forward to and occupy my mind. Perhaps this is what I needed to help me focus on something other than Steve I had to work on getting by him and on with my life with him out of it. I just had to set my sights on Saturday and plan the night with Charlie. Which wasn't going to be to easy since he's here all day with me. How was I going to make phone calls and make any arrangements? I believe I'll need him to run an errand somewhere along the line god knows what but I have to think of something for him to do.

"Hey you in there?"

"Sorry got lost in thought there for a second didn't mean to be rude and ignore you."

"Can I ask where you're taking me?"

"No you may not and in answer to your next question dress casual nice. Does that cover it?"

"Yes anything else you want to answer before I ask the question?"

"No I'm good I turned off the crystal ball already due to the fact that I knew you had no more questions."

"Wow you are good I never knew."

"You have a lot to learn little one, be patient and I will teach you the way."

"Boy aren't you just full of yourself this morning I can't wait to see what lessons you have planned to teach me."

"Patience will be your first lesson little one." By now it was hard to say anything I couldn't say anything and keep a straight face. And so our day continued on this light jovial mood carrying us until it was time for Charlie to leave. It had been a good day for me I hadn't had such a good day like that one since the accident. I was beginning to feel that maybe just maybe things were on the up swing for me. And maybe this was the first step in putting Steve behind me. I accomplished my plans for Saturday night with help from my mother of all people she was the one that said she'd do whatever I needed her to. Everything was set for Saturday night.

The mood between Charlie and I on Friday was upbeat with under lying feelings of some tension. By the afternoon I was ready to bust and I needed something to relax and unwind a little. I asked Charlie for one of his backrubs. He was happy to oblige and as usual he did a great job and it did seem to cut down on some of the tension between us. I was happy when the day came to an end and he went home. There was no way I would have been able to avoid any more questions that he had.

I woke up Saturday happy and excited and was looking forward to the evening ahead. The weather however wasn't cooperating it was way to cold and looked as if snow was going to be falling before our evening began, but I wasn' t going to cancel I had this planned out and I wanted to go out with Charlie that night. Not just because of our date but I needed to get out of the house and have some fun if had been a while since I had been out. This was really my first date with a guy was another reason I was happy but mostly I was glad of the way I felt and it was because of the fact that it was with Charlie and not Steve. I was a nervous wreck by the time the limousine showed up. My Dad helped me get into the limo and cautioned me to be careful because it was snowing and he warned me not to fall and be extra careful. He told me that he would hold Charlie responsible for my safety if anything happened. I knew he was kidding and with the closing of the door I was off on my date with Charlie.

He was surprised to being picked up in the limo he admitted it was the one option he hadn't given any thought to me doing. He was sure that I was having a friend or my cousin Gary drive us around in my car. I told him that I thought of that but wasn't sure if they'd want to sit around waiting while we had dinner and whatever else we decided to do. I explained by hiring a limo they were at least getting paid to sit and wait.

"Can I ask where we're going to dinner or is that a secret and you won't tell me?"

"You may ask but I'm debating the answer."

"You're evil sometimes Mike."

"What can I say you bring out the best in me?"

"Funny, very funny ha ha ha."

"This from a guy that wants to know where we are going."

"Oh forgive me I meant no disrespect sir."

"That's better little one as a matter of fact we're going to the Bull Tavern, it's right outside of Valley Forge do you know it?"

"I've heard of it it's suppose to have a good reputation and I've heard it's a nice place."

"You're right I know the head chef and the manager there. They are customers of mine at the restaurant I work at I talked to them about tonight so they've set us up at a good table. And Andy the chef is making something just for us it's not on the menu but I know some of the things you like so I' m sure you're going to like this."

"You seem to have thought of every thing, can I get really pushy and ask what's on the agenda afterwards?"

"I'll tell you this much we'll be going into downtown Philly for something that's going on there. Can you be satisfied with that answer and just trust me that I won't disappoint you?"

"Mike you've made me trust you not long after we met. You could have put on a blindfold on me for the night and I would have trusted you." He moved over in the seat to sit right next to me and took my hand in his brought it up to his kips and kissed it.

"Thanks Charlie thanks a lot."

"For what Mike I didn't do anything."

"You did more than you know by that simple beautiful gesture."

"May I ask what I did?"

"You reminded me that there are nice guys still out there. I knew you were by the way you've taken care of me to start. That kiss on the hand was the icing on the cake."

"I'm glad its nice to see that smile on your face this past week was the first time I had a glimpse of that smile I knew was there."

"I hope you don't mind taking care of your invalid date tonight. I hope you don't think I'm taking advantage of your willingness to help people that need it."

"Mike I don't feel that way at all and this is time for just you and I not Charlie and the patient Mike."

"I'm glad to hear you say that I was afraid to ask you, you know?"

"Oh we make a great pair, good thing one so us jumped in to ask the question or we might not be having this date for a few more weeks yet."

"Well now we're here so lets have fun at dinner and just enjoy the night. "

"I agree Charlie lets enjoy this, come here and let me kiss you, if I may be so bold?" And Charlie leaned into me and I put my arm around him and kissed him. It was wonderful to feel his lips on mine. It felt good to have him touch my face and just lightly stroke along my jaw. About that time we pulled up to the restaurant.

"Wait here Mike and I'll come around and help you get out, if there's snow on the ground please let me carry all your weight so you don't fall okay? "

"You're the boss here Charlie I'll let you give the orders." When the door opened the driver had a wheelchair next to the door for me to get into. Charlie was his usual medical self and got me safely from the car to the chair and into the restaurant. Jared came towards us with a huge smile on his face I hadn't seen Jared in some time but he knew everything about my health because of the crew at the restaurant kept him informed.

"Michael it's great to see you out and about you look great, okay the casts are out of style and don't meet the dress code here but we'll let you in anyway!"

"Thanks Jared it's good to see you it has been a while since I've seen you. Jared I'd like you to meet Charlie, Charlie this is Jared. Charlie is one of the paramedics that was on the scene of the accident that night. He's been taking care of me while my parents are at work."

"Nice to meet you Charlie. You two ready to eat? Andy's got something great for you guys I think he's out done himself he's been having a ball in the kitchen getting your dinner ready tonight."

"Great Jared why don't we get out of your way and get us seated? I don't want to block your customers coming in." He leaned into me and whispered in my ear that they could wait till he was ready to take care of them. We both laughed knowing he'd be back up there in a minute kissing their asses and apologizing for making them wait. It's just the name of game in the restaurant business. Sometimes you wanted to punch people in the face instead you smiled and told them how much you loved them being here and loved waiting on them and taking care of them. Anyone that works in that business knows what I mean by that.

We had a wonderful dinner of Beef Wellington with Red skinned potatoes mixed with Garlic and Celery Root. For a vegetable he made sugar Glazed Carrots in Burgundy and for dessert we had a French Chocolate Mousse with Mango dusted with Cinnamon, it was to die for. Andy was a great chef and created these wonderful dishes. I knew when I got back to work I was going to owe him big time for doing this for me. Charlie and I had a wonderful time over dinner and we had a chance to bond in a different way that when we were at my house and he was taking care of me. This dinner gave us a chance to be intimate for the first time since we had gotten to know each other. With dinner over we got back into the limo and headed into the city to really put the icing on the cake of our date. We arrived downtown and by now the snow had stopped and it made all the snow that was on the ground that was dirty look like huge mounds of freshly fallen snow. It was beautiful. We were here to see the ice carvings that were left over from New Years. They were huge and some were lit up from inside giving the ice carvings this magical surreal look. They had melted some since they were erected and sculptured but it gave them a beautiful softness that made it easy on the eyes for you to look at them. It was a marvel to see what some people's imagination with a chainsaw and various other tools could produce. Charlie and I both agreed that we had a deep respect to those that did this. Charlie was great and pushed me around in the wheelchair the entire time and never complained.

"How you hanging in there Mike? This is Charlie the paramedic asking. You warm enough out in this weather? We've been out here a while do you want to see some more or would you like to get something hot to drink like coffee or hot chocolate?" I was shivering when he asked I just didn't want this wonderful evening to end.

"Maybe we should I am cold I won't lie to you and when I shake it makes my leg and arm hurt a little."

"Come on we'll go into one of these bars and maybe have a shot to warm us up on the inside and a cup of coffee. Did you bring your pain pills with you? I hope so otherwise you're going to be hurting in a little while when we are on the way home."

"Yea I brought them but I left them in the limo."

"Let's get inside I'll get us our drinks and I'll run to the limo and get them okay?"

"That would be great but if you want we can wait you don't have to run to the limo, why don't we just wait instead?"

"If you're sure Mike all you have to do is say the word and I'll head out there to get them promise me you'll tell me."

"I promise Charlie, I promise." He found a bar that looked promising mostly it looked like the easiest one to get into with the wheelchair. Charlie handled it well and got me inside. We got to a table towards the front and were able to watch the people milling about the ice sculptures. At least we were able to see them in the comfort of the bar we were in.

"You have out done yourself Mike, this has been wonderful tonight I am enjoying this immensely. You have surpassed everything I had envisioned that you might have cooked up. Nothing comes close to what I thought you would do. " He leaned over and kissed me. I was surprised at his boldness and his display of affection in this public place. I guessed it showed on my face.

"I'm sorry maybe I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay Charlie it just surprised me I'm not use to being in public and doing something like that. I guess it comes from hiding most of my life, so don't be sorry it's okay really." We sat and chatted some more while we watched the people outside. We got to laugh at some of the people and what they were doing while people watched and they were thinking no one was. By now the snow began to fall again and by the time we left the city it was really coming down and the limo driver was crawling along at about fifteen miles per hour. We still had a good twenty-five miles to go before getting back to Coatesville. The snow had never stopped out side the city so the closer we got the worse the roads were becoming. The driver was slow and careful but at one point he asked who was the closest to get dropped off and would it be possible for the both of us to be dropped off at the same place. Charlie lived the closest and we both agreed to be dropped off at his house. It was after midnight closer to one o'clock before we arrived. The ride from the city to Charlie's is usually about thirty-five minutes it had taken us almost an hour and a half to get back due to the storm. Getting out was easy but getting into Charlie's was going to be tough, he lived on the second floor. The only thing that helped was that the stairway was wide enough for Charlie and the driver to help me up the stairs. We got to Charlie's door and I realized for the first time I was going to be spending the night here. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea after all. It sounded fine in the limo all there was to think about was the weather and the snow and the roads being icy and getting somewhere safe.

Charlie opened the door and ushered me through his threshold. I'll admit it wasn't much but it was his. It was what he had worked for and put together himself and to him it was his palace and I wasn't going to diminish his kingdom.

"Charlie this is great I like it. Reminds me of my last place, and it really did. Nice and comfy and where the hell can I sit down sir?"

"Come on let me get your coat off and get you on the couch. And Mike you need to call you folks to let them know where you are and what happened. He was right I'm sure at this hour they were getting worried I had told them I figured to be home around midnight. That was before the snow came down. I called and spoke to my Dad he was glad to hear I was back and safe I could hear the relief in his voice after I explained it all. I told him I'd see him in the morning or as soon as we were able to get out and moving it all depended on the snow.

"Your folks okay now that they know where you are?"

"Yes I could tell he was relieved to hear my voice. I think he was actually glad to hear that I was with you. He likes you, you know that? And my mom worships the ground you walk on."

"Must be my witty charm and dashing good looks."

"Oh my God, the shits getting deep in here."

"Always the joker always the wise guy."

"That's not true and you know it. Look at the evening I set up for us tonight. Take away the snow storm and you've got to admit it was a lot of fun. "

"On the contrary the snow was perfect the perfect ending to a near perfect date in my book."

"How do you figure that Charlie how is a near perfect ending?"

"The truly perfect ending would be you in my bed." I was shocked and delighted at the same time as much as I may have wanted exactly that in my current state I wasn't expecting it. Only the snow forced this ending. As I always say there are no accidents. I lowered my voice.

"Charles are you suggesting what I think you are?" His answer was him coming and sitting next to me on the couch. He leaned against me and took my hand in his and kissed it. It felt good to be here with him like this.

"Mike I have a confession to make and I hope you don't get mad at me." He had me curious to say the least everything really had gone nicely that night and I didn't doubt that we both enjoyed ourselves.

"I'll try but I doubt I will be. So why don't you tell me your confession and lets see if I can find it in my heart to forgive you okay?"

"I paid the driver to make it seem worse that it really was, not that it wasn't snowing really hard and piling up. I just asked him to make it seem bad so that he would drop us off here. I've gotten to know your heart pretty well since I started taking care of you and the decency you have in you would have prevented you from asking me to let you stay the night."

"I forgive you on the grounds that you're right. The other reason you didn't mention is my slight inability to do the things I might like to but can' t because of these casts. You have to admit that they do and will get in the way."

"Mike my mother always taught me that there was more than one way to skin a cat!"

"OH, does that mean I'm the cat and your going to skin me?"

"Well if you'll consider your clothing the skin, then yes that would be correct."

"I'll have to thank your mother for that when I meet her for teaching you that lesson Charlie."

"Careful what you ask for you might get your wish Mike."

"Why's that?"

"She's coming over tomorrow afternoon and if you're still here then you' ll get to meet her."

Charlie turned towards me and started unbuttoning my shirt and kissing my neck slowly and gently. I could feel my cock responding as he kissed me more and lower down my neck towards my chest and my nipples. It had been a while since I had had sex and my excitement gave me goose bumps and made me shiver.

"Are you excited by this Mike?"

"Yes very much, it's been a while."

"It's been longer for me Mike."

"Take off your clothes for me Charlie I've wondered how you look. I wish I could do this myself."

"Tell you what lets go into the bedroom I have an idea for you so its special for you to okay?"

"Yes whatever you want." Charlie got me off the couch and we slowly made our way to his bedroom. I was happy to see a king size bed in his room. He took me in and sat me down and slowly began removing my clothing piece by piece and kissing me gently and sweetly between each piece he removed. I was naked in a very short time and Charlie pulled the sheets and covers down and help me get into his bed. He propped me up and kept kissing me he sat down next to me and wrapped his fingers around my cock and gently stroked it up and down.

"I've been waiting for weeks to do this Mike I've waited maybe to long I was just so shy and hesitant to ask you out. But right now I'm so happy you 're here with me and I want to show you how much so lay back and close your eyes. I did as he requested. The next thing I felt was his lips around the head of my cock I used my left hand to run my fingers through his hair it felt like silk to me in between my fingers. He was slowly sucking my cock in and out of his mouth while playing with my balls it was so wonderful I had to see him I had to watch him. I looked at his angelic face as he made love to my cock with his mouth. I ran my fingers along his jaw line and loved the smooth roughness of his five o'clock shadow. He slowly let go of my cock and brought his face to mine.

"Did I make you feel good?" He ran his fingers around my neck and face I took his hand and kissed his fingers. I took his middle finger and sucked it into my mouth without losing his gaze. I looked into those beautiful emerald green eyes and gently sucked his finger in and out just as he had done to my cock.

"I want to do something for you Mike I want you to put you head back and watch. Since you can't take my clothes off the way you want. I'll take them off slowly for you. You just tell me what to do and I'll strip at you direction okay." He leaned in ad kissed me I took hold of the back of his neck and kissed him hard using my tongue to gain entrance to his mouth. He took my head in both of his hands and kissed me passionately and with hunger. I was so hard it hurt I reached with my hand and slowly stroked my cock and groaned. He just felt so good. He pulled away from me and pulled my hand from my cock.

"Not again till I'm back in this bed with you and I touch it okay?" I just nodded my consent to him I just wanted to see him now. I wanted to see the body that he'd been hiding all this time. He went down and stood towards the end of the bed but to the side so that I could see all of him. He stood there waiting for me to tell him to begin.

"Unbutton your shirt slowly." He bent his head down slightly and looked up at me and one by one he unbuttoned his shirt. He pushed it back off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor.

"Slowly lift you t-shirt off I can't wait to see your stomach and chest." He pulled the fabric from inside of his pants and slowly lifted one side up a little showing me a glimpse of his side and part of his stomach. I caught a flash of dark hair on his stomach. He put one hand in the front by the hem and pushed his hand up to touch himself revealing his stomach and more hair I was mesmerized by it.

"Take it off Charlie lift it up over your head." He took both sides and lifted he was everything I had imagined. He was covered in jet-black hair fully from his pants up to his neck; it wasn't long but just long enough to be able to run my fingers through it. He dropped his t-shirt to the floor. He was beautiful to look at like this. His eyes were hungry and vulnerable at the same time. And slowly and very intimately he felt himself. Running his fingers all over his stomach up to his nipples and he pinched them. I watched the delight on his face as he did this. He put his fingers in his mouth and soaked them with his saliva and then he traced down his chin his neck and to his nipple. He played with them with his saliva soaked fingers. He never lost his gaze with me and all I could do was watch him with lust and desire.

"Open your belt and take it off." He did

"Unsnap your pants and peel back the fabric I want to see your underwear." He unsnapped his pants pushed the fabric aside. I could see his cock it was pointing up to the left and the tip was just poking out above the elastic.

"Take off your pants, but not your underwear, you can take those off when you're ready Charlie, surprise me." He dropped his pants and stepped out of them. His jockeys looked so white against the blackness of his body hair. He ran his fingers along the inside of the elastic pulling them up and over his cock head. He used one hand to reach down and cup his balls and the other to press against his hard on. I could see the spot of wetness spreading further around as he pressed his hand harder against his erection. With both hands he slide his fingers inside the elastic and began to slowly push them down he slowly began to turn around by the time I was looking at his hot ass his underpants were just riding along the bottom of his cheeks. He then pushed them all the way down. As he bent over I caught a small eye full of his hole. He kept turning around and he used both hands to cover his erection. I was so hot watching him do this for me.

"Please Charlie I want to see it please let me see your cock." He slowly began lifting his hands away and there was his beautiful thick cock hanging there. He was so handsome to see him in his nudity it was better than I had imagined in those fantasies I had of him with my right hand at night at home in my bed. I held my arm out to him up my palm up offering to come take my hand in his. He walked over to the other side of the bed and crawled in he took my hand and placed it on his stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair it was so fine and soft. I traced my fingers all over his chest up to his neck and slipped my hand behind it and pulled him into me to kiss him and press his body into mine.

He slipped his hand down between my legs and grabbed my balls in his hand. Kissing my neck and up to my ear licking it and running the tip of his tongue into my ear all the while stroking my cock and using his thumb to smear my precum over my cock head. He whispered into my ear.

"Fuck me Mike. Let me ride your cock and you can fuck me."

"Oh yea Charlie let me get you ready first, turn around and stay on all fours and back that ass up to my face I want to eat that hole of yours. Charlie turned himself around and backed up to my face and I began to drill my tongue into his hot hungry hole. He was begging me to fuck him as I ate his ass. I was using my saliva to get him all wet and I was spitting into my hand and stroking my cock to get it wet for him to sit on. I grabbed his balls and pulled them to my mouth and sucked them in I was chewing on them and he was almost screaming with pleasure. I pulled his cock back so that I could suck it. He wanted to sit on my cock so bad and I wanted him to. I wanted to feel the hotness inside of him and to feel his tight hole wrapped around my cock as he impaled himself on it.

"Come on Charlie come sit on my cock. I want to see your face when you have my cock in your ass. Come on baby get up here and sit on it." He turned around and came towards me and stood over me straddling me his cock was just out of reach of my mouth but I reached up with my hand and pulled him closer to me. I let go and ran my hand up his stomach towards his neck as he slowly lowered himself down onto my rod. He bent his knees and I could feel the entrance just waiting to be broken into. He reached down and lined his cock up and began to impale himself on my dick. Oh God he was so tight as he continued his decent until he had my cock all the way in it was hot and marvelous. He began to slowly rock back and forth using my dick to stroke his prostate he was in his glory with my cock in him he loved it and he began to bounce up and down on me. I grabbed his cock and wrapped my fingers around it so I could stroke him as he fucked himself on my cock. It had been a while and I knew I wasn't going to last at the rate he was going up and down on me.

"Oh God Charlie I'm going to cum soon I can't hold on much longer."

"It's okay Mike give it to me when ever you want." I reached up and grabbed behind his neck and pulled his face to mine I kissed him hard and was moaning the entire time. I pulled him back and pushed down on his shoulder I looked into his eyes and as he drove down on my cock I raised myself up driving my dick into his ass. I pushed as hard as I could on his shoulder to keep him in that spot and the cum fired out of my cock that had been boiling in my balls. I was in orgasmic bliss as I kept cumming in his hot ass. He kept pounding at me as my cock convulsed inside him. I could feel the excess begin to run down my balls as I emptied myself into him. He held still and I grabbed his cock and started stroking him as hard and as fast as I could.

"Oh yes Mike beat it oh yea jerk me off Mike. Do it make me cum on you I want to cum all over you chest and stomach."

"Come on big boy come on give it up for me give it all to me Charlie."

"Yes, oh yes its cumming Mike." He leaned into me and let lose a torrid of volleys of his cum on me, thick and white it glistened on my chest and neck as he spewed it all over me. He was finally spent and shivered from his orgasmic high. I pulled him to me and rubbed his back with my cum drenched hand. It had been a wonderful hot raw round of sex desired by both of us.

"Oh God Charlie that was so good I've wanted to do this with you for weeks."

"You, I liked what I saw the night of the accident. I was going to look you up. I kept your address that night I didn't really need it for the hospital I was just asking you questions to get the information so I could find you later on."

"Boy talk about sneaky and taking advantage of a guy when he's in a weakened state." "A guys got to do what a guy has to do Mike I just got lucky when I heard about someone heeding a nurse maid to take care of a guy in his early twenties with a broken leg and arm. I knew it just had to be you so I came and applied. I have a philosophy in life, there are no accidents everything happens for a reason." I looked at him in total shock over what he had just said.

"What's the matter with you all of a sudden? You look surprised did I say something I shouldn't have?"

"No you didn't, when did you hear that phrase or where did you hear it?"

"What about there are no accidents?"

"Yes that one when did you start saying that phrase?"

"I really don't remember Mike I just know I've been saying and believing it for a long time. But there's one other thing right now we've got to deal with."

"What might that be my dear man?"

"I've got to get up my knees are killing me staying in this position."

"But it feels so good to be inside you like this."

"Be that as it may I've got to get up." Charlie put his hands against the headboard and pulled himself up and off of me. He was groaning the whole time.

"What are you that old that you're groaning over being in that position for a few minutes?"

"You have no sympathy what so ever Mike you're heartless after all the pleasure I just gave you."

"No I'm just teasing you perhaps after they remove these damn casts I'll give you the same pleasure. And when I get up off of you I'll groan just like you and then you'll be justified in busting my balls like I just did you, sound fair?"

"If I'm going to be the one laying down like you were then yep sounds fair to me. But if I hear louder or longer moans than mine then I will bust your chops unmercifully, mark my words Mike mark my words."

Charlie and I cleaned up or I should say he cleaned us both up and then crawled into bed with me. It was nice to curl up with someone or I should say it was nice for me to have someone I could hold onto he curled up next to me and put his head on my chest. We went to sleep holding onto each other.

We woke up in the morning and the sun was brilliant outside. Have you ever noticed how the snow sparkles like an endless sea of diamonds the day after a snowstorm? Everything looks so clean and pristine until the cars and trucks start moving on the road. Then all the sand and road salt destroy its beauty. I was born living in the wrong part of the world. I should have been born in the tropics where there's a constant tropical breeze and its landscape is never touched by cold and snow. For now the current reality was eight inches of fresh fallen snow and twenty-eight degrees with a wind chill factor of twelve. It's just not fair life isn't fair I didn't want to leave the comfort of his bed.

"Do I have to start again on you or are you going to get up willfully Mike?"

"Come on have a heart, it's Sunday can't I sleep in today? And I'm a guest doesn't that count for anything? At least another hour or so anyway?"

"Would you like me to come in there and prod you out of bed like I do at your house because I will and after last nights romp in the bed I have this renewed found energy and poking you this morning would really be sweet."

"Go away and leave me alone I'm your guest here and it's not polite to treat guests in that type of manner. Now perhaps if I knew there was a breakfast waiting for me of say eggs and toast and bacon a blueberry muffin would be good and of course a nice big cup of coffee."

"Oh boy he doesn't ask for much in the morning does he?"

"It's small price to pay to bribe me out of bed Charlie, really it's it small price."

"How about this for a bribe, my mother will be here in a hour, would you like to meet her in the living room with your clothes on or naked in my bedroom?"

"It would be interesting to see her reaction if I stay naked in bed, but would I be covered up by the blankets or totally nude?"

"Oh he's really fresh this morning you have five seconds to get in a sitting position with feet on the floor. Or I'm coming in poking buster brown."

"Such threats you wouldn't do that to a helpless cripple who's warm and comfy in your bed would you?"

"Four, Three, time is running out Mike."

"You're such a brat didn't anyone ever tell you that? If they haven't told you well..BRAT!"

"Two, One,,,I'm coming in now." I tried to move myself so that I could swing my feet off of the bed but the blanket kept getting stuck on my cast.

"I'm trying don't you dare, honest I'm trying the blanket is stuck Charlie don't you dare start poking me. I'll pee in your bed if you do." I was laughing and he hadn't touched me yet and I was hoping that he wouldn't.

"Fine since I can see you're trying at least I'll be nice and help you. Stop struggling and let me get the blankets off of you first. Mmm...if my mother wasn't coming I'd get in bed and have you cumming!"

"Quick call her tell her not to come over or tell her to come later, lie to her anything just postpone her arrival."

"You're a pervert, a sex crazed pervert there's no question in my mind I' ve gotten involved with a sex crazed maniac, which to some degree has its advantages. No sir buster brown you're getting up now come on and I'll help you I can't get you into my shower so I'll force myself to give my patient friend a sponge bath and I'll wash your hair and get you cleaned up and presentable to meet my mother."

"All right you won but only because of that sponge bath offer. Are you going to wash Mr. Peter Pecker to?"

"No you're going to was Mr. Pecker but I'll help with the rest."

"You're absolutely no fun Charlie I'm deeply disappointed on your unwillingness to meet my needs."

"Your needs don't include me washing your dick buddy both hands ain't broke so suck it up and deal."

"Speaking of sucking up I could and would be more than happy to suck you up and deal."

"Get off this bed and get your ass in the bathroom the clock is ticking and my mom will be here in, lets see oh now in about forty minutes and if she 's early and you're not ready I'll kill you."

"Such violence and I haven't done anything wrong." I lifted myself from his bed and made my way to the bathroom. As promised he helped me get washed and dressed pretty much as usual. I was on the couch a few minutes before Charlie's mom rang the doorbell. To my surprise I was introduced as the tentative new boyfriend with much kidding from Charlie. She was a typical mother asking about the accident, what I did for a living, what was the status of my cancer. It surprised me when she talked about that and then I remembered how Charlie came to me so it made sense how she knew. She was warm and funny and I knew where Charlie got his sense of humor and his caring demeanor from. Charlie made lunch for us and we talked for an hour or so once we were done. His mother left shortly after that and Charlie was faced with the task of shoveling his car out. I wanted to go out and watch him but he insisted I stay put so I wouldn't fall down the stairs. I gave in knowing he had a point while he was out shoveling I called home and let my folks know that I was okay and that I wasn't sure what we were doing because he was out shoveling and we hadn't decided before he went out. I was hoping to stay the night again but wasn't sure if that's what he wanted. The only problem I was facing was not having enough pain meds if I needed them. I had been doing better without taking them as often as I was a few weeks ago. I had to wait for him to finish to find out what I was going to be doing. I rested my head on the sofa and closed my eyes while Charlie was out shoveling.

I woke up sometime later with a blanket covering me. I wondered how long I had been out I looked around for a clock but couldn't see one. I heard Charlie rambling in the kitchen.

"Hey you what time is it?"

"You really want to know?"

"No I thought I'd ask that question to see if no one would answer me. Of course I really want to know bonehead."

"Such names ouch! For your information buster brown you've slept a good part of the afternoon it's five thirty and I'm making dinner for us. I think somebody was really tired from his outing last night in Philly."

"I think it was more from that round of sex we had after the night in Philly."

"It could be it could be."

"Hey Mike you want anything to drink maybe a cup of coffee or do you want something stronger? And do you have to pee?"

"No I don't have to pee just yet, a cup of coffee would be great I still feel groggy from that nap."

"I'll put on some fresh coffee it'll be ready in a few minutes Mike."

"Can you give me a hand I guess I do have to go after all? I need some help getting off this damn couch of yours. I feel like I'm sinking in it."

"It's the same thing for me when I get comfortable so it's not you, one sec and I'll be out to help you." True to his word and he came out to help me the off the couch. I was getting tired of needing help to do the little thins in life and this was one of them I tried telling myself that it wouldn 't be that much longer and I'd be free of these casts and crutches. I guess I was struggling a little more than usual and Charlie stepped in immediately to help me.

"Don't! Don't do it I'll fucking manage myself I can take a fuckin piss by myself."

"Fine Michael you're on your on handle it!" He turned and went back to the kitchen in about three steps. I was just being short tempered with myself and he had seen it a few times since he'd started taking care of me. And as usual I was going to have to tell him I was sorry for being an asshole. I finished up in the bathroom and turned to go back down the hall. I guess I caught the tip of the crutch on something and down I went. I had been in a hurry because I was mentally yelling at myself when it happened. He bolted out of the kitchen and was by my side in a heartbeat.

"Are you okay?"

"I think so, nothings screaming at me yet Charlie." I was lying on my side and I covered my face with my arm.

"You want to lay here a few minutes or you want to get up?"

"Not sure yet."

"Want me to sit here with you?"

"Yea." He sat there and I laid there for a few. I was wallowing in self-pity, neither of us was saying anything. And in the quiet I started to cry and I wasn't even sure why. He made no movement and I kept my face covered trying to hide my shame. After a few minutes he got up and went into the bedroom and came back, sat down beside me and handed me a box of Kleenex and still he said nothing.

"I'm sorry Charlie I was just feeling sorry for myself and I was short with you and all you do is help me. It was just a moment of being aggravated by these casts. I'm sorry." It was quiet and he just sat there. He reached over and took my hand away from my face and wiped away the few tears that were left. He just looked into my eyes.

"Don't be."

"But I ..." He placed his hand over my mouth.

"Nothing more okay?" He hadn't taken his hand away from my mouth so I shook my head in agreement.

"Good then lets get you up and on the couch there's a cup of coffee waiting for you on the coffee table." He got up and got me back on the couch a little sore but at least in one piece. He went into the kitchen and came out a few seconds later with a glass of water and two of my pain pills.

"If I take two I'll probably pass out Charlie."

"I know that but you're going to be hurting soon and if you wait until you do it will take longer for the pills to work because the pain will have gotten ahead of you. And it will take longer for the pills to work because the pain will have gotten to far ahead of you. This way you won't hurt at all Mike, trust me just take them for me and shut up okay?"

"But what about me getting home if I take these I'll never make it down the stairs and there's no way you can carry me down those stairs my man."

"Well I guess you'll just have to stay the night won't you Pal?" I looked at his face and all I could read was that this is what he wanted, he wanted me to stay the night again.

"That's why you let me sleep when you came back in so I wouldn't talk about going home. Am I right?"

"Could be but I have a confession to make to you."

"HHHMM..another confession this sounds interesting."

"Maybe, maybe not but just in case promise you won't be mad."

"Only because I don't mind having to stay over tonight and I'll bet for being forgiven for whatever you're going to confess to I'll get sex out of the deal true?

"I was right you are a sex crazed maniac. But maybe we'll have sex, that part remains to be seen. As for the confession did you like the ice tea at lunch time?"

"Yes it was just like I like it nice and sweet."

"That would be to cover up the taste of the ground up sedative I put in it. I wanted to make sure you took a nice long nap hopefully long enough that I'd make you stay for dinner. And then my ace in the hole was that the stairs were to slippery with ice to get you down the stairs safely."

"You're slick buddy boy, you're slick. That must be why I like you so much and asked you out. You're a deviate just like me that's why we get along so well. We only have two problems. One I have to call my parents and tell them I'm staying again. Two I don't know if I'll have enough of my pills to get through tonight and into tomorrow morning."

"No problem I have another confession to make. I took a few of your pills on Friday when I left your house hoping that I could get you to stay on Saturday, the snow just was lucky and helped my plan even more."

"Man first you slip me a Mickey to knock me out and then you were planning to get me to stay here last night before we even went on our date. I'm really going to have to keep my eye on you."

"Only when it comes to me finding ways to get you in my bed."

"And you call me a sex crazed maniac you got some big balls buddy. And just how am I going to explain this to my parents, staying here another night? "

"Don't you remember me telling you that the stairs were to slippery for you to go down safely?"

"Like I said you're a slick little bastard Charlie."

"Now you can call and I'll get us set up for dinner, you want to eat out here in the living room and watch TV while we eat or in the dining room?"

"The living room sounds good to me, would you hand me the phone so I can call my parents and lie to them." I talked to my Dad again and let him know I was staying because of the stairs not being safe enough for me to get down them. He wanted to know if he should bring anything for me. I felt like a rat telling him I would be okay until tomorrow. I told him that if the stairs were okay I'd be home or if not Charlie would run up after supper tomorrow and get some things for me. And he did the next day. He got me enough stuff to stay more than a few days. Explaining with the snow and everything that me staying with him was just easier for him to take care of me. My father continued to pay him and gave him extra money for food and whatever else I might need while I was here with him. So I stayed a while and we eat slept and had sex whenever the spirit moved us. But I had to go home I couldn' t stay I still had conflicts and as much as I liked Charlie I wasn't in love with him. I knew I was still in love with Steve and staying with Charlie just proved it to me. And every one of Charlie's touches, his kisses, and the way he held me I just kept comparing him to Steve. I couldn't tell him that I couldn't level with him I liked him enough not to hurt him I couldn' t tell him that I kept comparing him to Steve. Whatever it meant, whatever was going to happen I had to talk to him. I had to find out why and how Randy walked into our lives and destroyed it the way he did. The question was would he still be in love with me.

Just two more weeks and the casts would be off. I was set up for an appointment in one week but I wasn't counting on them coming off at that point but I couldn't lie to myself I still had my hopes up that the doctor would change his mind I just had to watch the time go by what else could I do?

Charlie and I kept going out on dates but it wasn't getting serious and I think both of us knew that it wasn't going to go anywhere either. We both were using each other for sex that's really what it boiled down to we were fuck buddies it just so happened that we were friends and I had a feeling that if Steve was back in the picture seriously Charlie and I would just drift apart no hard feelings and no regrets. We learned a lot about each other during my period of recovery. We shared our childhood secrets our insecurities our doubts and hopes about our futures in life. These talks of the future didn't include the words us or we and I never spoke of Steve, and Charlie didn't ask. I'm not sure why we talked about so many other things I just felt that bringing up his name would shatter everything we did have with each other. I don't think either one of us wanted the sex to end at least not at this point in our friendship. I think or at least I believed that everything between Charlie and I would end the day the casts came off. That ride to the doctors office was quiet neither of us knew what to say and saying good-bye wasn't going to happen. When the day was over and he walked out the door with both of us promising to keep in touch and we'd call soon but we both knew it was a lie and our good bye kiss to each other was more of a friendly peck on the cheek. Neither of us shed a tear and I still remember him today with a tug at my heart and a smile on my face.

I was finally going back to work the doctors, all that I had had given me a clean bill of health. I felt like I was going to be productive again and at least I wouldn't be sitting on my ass and trying to get better. Granted the back to work schedule was only going to be part time for the first month with a build up of hours during the last two weeks. I knew Steve had left the restaurant already. Gary had told me when he left. He had gone to work in another restaurant in town I thought it was better that way but I knew I had to talk to him. He had been right about one thing he told me that maybe when a few weeks had gone by I wouldn't be so mad, and I wasn't. It just took a few months longer rather than a few weeks. Maybe he was just hoping that it was only going to be a few weeks. I kept wondering how I was going to get to him how could I make it happen. I wasn't really feeling like I should be the one having these thoughts it should be him wondering if he still loved me.