Steve and Mike

If your not 18 you shouldn't be reading this come back when you're old enough. This story contains sex between two males without the use of condoms. I

strongly urge any male out there having sex with anyone to use condoms. Being safe is the only way to play and live a healthy life without the fear of std's. Be smart. Be safe. If you enjoy this story let me know I am enjoying writing this and might continue with some more of this story and what happens between Mike and Steve. All rights belong to the author. Contact me at Aragon76@aol.com (mailto:Aragon76@aol.com) with comments thoughts and suggestions you might have. Enjoy if nothing else! Thanks in advance to any and all replies they mean a lot to me and my writing ideas.

I wasn't even going to turn over to face him or acknowledge him he was the last person on earth that I wanted to see at this moment. I had a million thoughts running through my brain thinking about what exactly I wanted to say but for now I just laid there and ignored him. I was in no mood to deal with him even if I told him to go fuck himself he wasn't worth the energy it would take for me to tell him. I just closed my eyes and kept quietly still. Sleep didn't come this time. I rang for the nurse and asked for my sedative I was going to need it with him still sitting there. Kevin came in and came over to my bed. I watched him push the sedative into my IV line but said nothing to him.

"You know you have a visitor sitting here to see you Mike. Why don't you get up and visit for a little bit it will do you some good and I know you don't want to right now but just do it for me just so I don't have to call the doctor and report to him that there's been no improvement since he was here last."

"Using guilt doesn't bother me Kevin so don't bother. And as far as the visitor goes there isn't one good reason why I should even give him a few seconds of my time. He was the one person who took constant delight in tormenting and bullying me a few years back. He let everyone know what kind of faggot I was even though he really didn't know for sure whether I was or wasn' t. I've worn his fist work more than once so really there's no reason for me to give him the time of day Kevin." I was fuming I could feel my face was burning I was becoming furious again. Maybe I could talk to him maybe I could take it all out on him just like he had taken it out on me all those years ago. He couldn't do anything to me here in fact I could have him thrown out just by saying so to Kevin. But I just laid there while Kevin left the room. That calming effect was taking over and it was taking the fight out of me but if I kept thinking about the fucking asshole sitting behind me I could get my anger going again really easy. I finally turned over and sat up and looked at him I just locked into his eye sight and didn't flinch or stop looking.

"It wasn't enough that you fucked with me all those years in school. You have to come here and do what exactly make fun at me because I'm dying? Thought you'd come in here and have some laughs for yourself? Just what the fuck do you want from me can't you just leave me the fuck alone and never come back into my life, like it's been for the past four years from the last time I saw you. Face it Randy I don't want any thing to do with you so just get out of here I'm not interested in anything you have to tell me." And I didn't not from him. All through my last years of high school he had been one of those that took great fun in making me his target to pick you and use as a punching bag. Why I don't know Randy was one of those kids that moved into my neighborhood just as we were beginning high school and from day one I was the object of his ridicule and torment.

"I guess I had that coming to me Mike and the only thing I can say about it is that I'm sorry that I did those things and said the things that I did. You didn't deserve the way I treated you, you never did anything to me so the only thing I can say is that I'm sorry for everything that I ever said to you and I'm sorry for the times that I used you as a bunching bag, you didn't deserve it." I wasn't sure what to think this certainly wasn't the Randy that I knew in high school but I wasn't ready to just pack up all those feelings of hate that I had towards him not with the way I was feeling. But I began to wonder how he knew how did he find out about me being in the hospital and being sick with cancer how did he know? As mad as I was my curiosity started to kick in and as much as I didn't want to talk to him I wanted to know how he found out. Just the same I wasn't ready to talk to him just yet as far as I was concerned he deserved to be treated like a piece of shit and in my current state of mind treating him that way was relatively easy for me. But I'm not a vengeful person in reality and as mad as I was at the world and everyone in it I began to think that maybe I did owe him the chance to say whatever he had come to say. Why would he come to the hospital just to torment me and he had said that no matter what he wasn't leaving here until I acknowledged him. I rolled over to look up at the ceiling first and just laid there for a few minutes before I pushed the button to make me be in a position that I could look at him.

` "Whatever you came here for I'm not sure but you have two minutes to make me understand why I should even give you the time of day after the things

that you used to say about me, the things you used to do to me and the times that you used me as your personal bunching bag." I just kept staring at him I wasn't going to blink not this time I had time to do some growing up since high school and I wanted him to know that I wasn't afraid of him anymore.

"I'll say it again Mike I'm sorry I should have never done any of those things to you. All I can say is this I was afraid of you and what you represented to me. You made me take a look at myself and at the time I hated it I hated you because you never did anything back to me, you just kept going like everything I said it didn't seem matter to you, you just kept on going. And I was determined to win I was determined to make you cry or something I `m not even sure what I was trying to do I just know that at that time you just kept on going on."

"Like it didn't matter?! Do you realize how afraid I was of you? Do you realize how I tried to avoid you? And it seemed the harder I tried the more you did it. You had to be Mr. Cool in front of all you jock friends at every opportunity you had. I lived in fear of you all those years in high school I lived in fear of Randy Crawford. I didnt do anything to you because I was afraid of what you and were friends might do to me if I did. I was only one person. You had the whole jock crew hating me. And I never did anything to any of them to deserve the treatment I got. And then when we finished school I thought I was free of you that I would never see you again. And to my horror here you sit for what reason Im not sure. So please enlighten me. Your time is running out."

"I had that coming to me probably you should say more you've earned that right. I was exactly what you say I was and for that I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say it. I'd understand if you never forgave me you have every right. But as to why I'm here, I'm sure you're wondering how I knew you were here." He hesitated for a few seconds like he was struggling with what to say to me.

"First I'll tell you how I knew. Do you remember a nurse named Donna Stevens? She's my mother. I know we don't have the same last name she remarried when I was in high school. Anyway she was talking to me about this patient that she had been taking care of and one day she used your name just your first name but with everything else she had said for some reason I just knew it was you I don't know why I knew but I just did. So I asked her if your last name was Mathews and she told me it was. So that's how I knew you were here. She's been keeping track of you since you came back in for treatment and I began to realize that I had to come to see you I had to set the record straight with you for once and for all. Perhaps it's guilt that made me come to see you perhaps it's because we have some things in common and you need to know about that." I was beginning to soften towards him this was truly a Randy I had never seen in high school.

"I'll tell you that I'm at least interested in what you're going to tell me. Your mother was nice to me while I was here. And unlike you she didn't

judge me for who I was. Yeah Randy you're right I am gay all those years you were right. It just hurt me to hear you say all the things you did it hurt me physically because I was the bag you liked to hit. I hated you because you never even asked me how I felt about it. I wouldn't have told you anyway back then but that's not the point. The point is that without knowing me you just assumed I was gay and you used that to torment me. But since then I've found a man that loves me and has taught me to stand up for who and what I was so say what you will to me it won't matter anymore because I'm not the one with a problem anymore you are."

"I guess I have that coming to me probably a lot more to be honest. But I' m here to tell you that because of you I faced the truth for the first time in my life. I finally did what you did and admitted to my mother that I was gay, yeah me. The guy that made your life miserable in high school. I guess I did it because you made me look at myself and I realized that I hated who I was and I took it out on you. Without having the right to do that. But I was afraid of it I was afraid of being gay and you just seem like it didn't matter to you. You would just keep going like whatever I said didn't matter or it didn't effect you. And I couldn't understand how you could be that way knowing that you were gay. And the more you didn't do anything the more I wanted to see you crumble I wanted to see you run away and hide because I thought that's what queer's do. I thought being gay meant you were weak why I don't know it's just what I thought back then. I've had a chance to do some growing up since then just like you and I've learned some things along the way that to say the least I'm not proud of and one of those things was that when I found out you were here and why I just felt like I had to find you I had to make up for what I had done to you because you didn' t deserve what I did to you. All that I can keep saying is that I'm sorry for that." He sat there and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. I wasn' t sure what to say I believed that he meant everything he had said I believed he was sorry. And as much as I might have wanted to keep hating him I couldn't if I did I would be no better than he had been to me all those years ago. I just sat there looking at him still of unsure where to go from here of what to say. A few minutes passed and we kind of just looked at each other.

"I guess I should leave I can understand why you don't want to talk to me but I had to come here and say what I did. I just wanted to clear this up with you I don't know if I was looking for forgiveness or what I'm not sure, like I said I just felt like I had to come and see you." He got up and started to leave the room. I couldn't let him not after what he had come here for.

"Don't go Randy sit down and maybe we can talk." I wasn't sure about what I didn't know how to take all that he had come here to say. At least he didn't leave he came back into the room and sat down in the chair.

"I'm a little surprised to say the least to hear you tell me you're gay. As you can tell from what I said earlier. I just don't understand why you kept up those things if you knew that you were gay. Were you hoping that it would change you that it would somehow fix what you thought was wrong with you? Maybe I shouldn't say that. Maybe it's better if we just let it go as to why. Does it really matter anymore anyway? What's the point of keeping up with fighting I've grown tired of fighting lately. Since you knew I was here I'm sure your mother must have told you why. It's changing the way I think about a lot of things since I found out, fighting is one of them." I was getting tired I didn't feel like sleeping but I had to stop for a few minutes and just lay back and close my eyes.

"Mike maybe I should leave to let you get your rest I'm sure you need all you that you can get. I didn't come here to fight with you or to get you to tired. My mother told me that you're a fighter and she was sure that you would beat this. That's one of the things that told me when she talked about you that made me realize who she was talking about." Me? A fighter? The one person in the world that would make me realize what I needed to do was standing in front of me and I would have never guessed he would do that for me. Not Randy Crawford.

"Sit down Randy and stay, just give me a minute to rest my eyes. Part of this is because they gave me that shot it was a sedative and it's working." I motioned for him to sit and just wait a few minutes.

"It's ironic that you of all people should show up here today. I believe that there are no accidents in life and that everything happens for a reason. And of all the people to show up here and remind me about fighting this cancer turns out to be you. The guy I hated the most in high school. And yet here you are at a time I needed someone to walk into my life and make me realize that I needed to keep fighting." I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the whole situation. I knew he didn't understand what I was laughing at but it didn't matter. What mattered was that I knew what I had to do I knew that I had to keep going and more importantly I had to call Steve and tell him how sorry I was for treating him like I did.

"Let's talk some more Randy maybe it's time that you and I become friends instead of enemies." He smiled for the first time since he had come here.

"So Mike tell me how you met this guy and how you two got together. I bet this is a conversation you never thought would happen between you and I." He was right I was certainly thinking this was a strange conversation to be having with him.

"That's putting it mildly to say the least. But now that we are talking how's your mom doing she was really nice to me and took good care of me while I was in the hospital the first time. I wish she was my nurse now, not that these guys are doing a lousy job, they're not. It's just that your mother was fun to talk to. And now I understand why she was so accepting of Steve and I. I take it that she knows about you being gay?"

"Yeah I ended up telling her not long after we got out of high school. Not because I wanted to come out then it was more because I hated who I was and was living dangerously to say the least and she was the one that confronted me and my behavior and kept at me about why I was acting the way I was. And finally I just got to the point that I told her just to shut her up in hopes that she would hate me and kick me out of the house. But she didn't she hugged me and told me that it wasn't a problem and she help me to understand and like the person I was instead of hating who I was."

"That's really something Randy. But I can understand why your mother got it out of you and knew how to help you. She was a big help to me. I take it

by living dangerously that you were drinking and doing drugs?"

"Yep I was and if I had kept it up she was right I would have ended up dead along the road somewhere because I would get so messed up and then go driving hoping that I would get into an accident. But it never happened but for the grace of the man upstairs I'm still here."

"Well let's talk about something else for now, you're hear and in one piece and obviously living more comfortably with yourself than before. I'll tell you about Steve and I. I met him a few years ago and he was dating a girl at the time if you can believe that one."

"Oh so he was hiding like I was is that what you're saying?"

"No it wasn't like that at all. He had no idea about me and it wasn't until after he and his girlfriend broke up that things between us got started.

After they broke up Steve and I spent a lot of time together and I mean a lot. We were always together, we were working together and we were living together. It wasn't until we were living together that things happened between us. I won't go into the details of how the light went on for him but the first time we had sex was the first time he had ever been with a man in bed. Don't ever tell him that I told you that he'd kill me I'm sure." The conversation between Randy and I kept going and before long I realized that I was hungry and that we had been talking for almost three hours.

"Man I didn't realize that we'd been talking so long. I hope they bring dinner soon I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day."

"Why don't I get you something it's going to be another hour before they bring your supper I know how they are around here believe me. Let me go downstairs and bring something back for you, what would you like?"

"Randy you don't have to do that you really don't."

"Let me do this for you I want to really I do. It's been fun to sit here and talk to you all this time. I wish all those things that happened in the past didn't you're a really nice person Mike and I regret what happened really I do. So let me make it up to you a little and let me go get you something to eat. What would you like?" I had to think for a few minutes but I finally gave him my order. Randy looked at me for a few seconds and got this serious look on his face.

"Hey listen, while I'm gone why don't you call Steve? I think you'll feel better about what happened between you and him last night. With all that you told me about him and what you told me that happened last night with the way you acted I'll bet you'll feel even better if you call him. Even if it's nothing more than saying hello." And this coming from a guy that used me as his punching bag.

"Maybe Randy maybe I don't know if I can yet I was pretty rotten last night. He didn't deserve the things I said to him he's done nothing but stand by me and hold my hand the entire time this has been going on. It seems like it's been so long and yet it's only been weeks." I was ashamed of what I had done to Steve the way I treated him how was I going to call him and tell him I was sorry for being such an ass? While Randy was gone Kevin came back to take my blood pressure and temperature. He was another one I had to say sorry to.

"Listen Kevin I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the way I talked to you earlier you didn't deserve that you didn't do anything to deserve it. So

please forgive me and my stupid temper."

"Nothing to forgive Mike. You've been a wonderful patient the whole time you've been here with me as far as I`m concerned. Under the circumstances you have every right to lash out and be angry from time to time and no one blames you. You wouldn't be human if you didn't act like that at least once or twice. We all understand what you're going through and anger is just another part of having what you have and dealing with it. So we would worry if you didn't act like you did earlier. And I mean that I'm not just saying that to cheer you up I wouldn't do that to you."

"Thanks for saying so but still I'm sorry and it needed to be said as far as I'm concerned. I had to set the record straight."

"Then since you're on a roll why don't you call Steve he's called here several times today to check up on you. He's worried and since what happened last night he told me that he won't come to see you until you call him. So if you want to see that guy of yours then I suggest you get on the phone and straighten it out with him. He knows how you feel he does understand more than you realize Mike he really does understand what you're going through. " He made me feel like an ass even more. Between what Randy and Kevin had said I knew I had to make that phone call. I didn't know what I was going to say but I had to think of something and the sooner the better. I didn't want Randy to hear what I had to say so I knew I better just call him before Randy got back with the food. I picked up the phone and dialed our number.

"Hello." It took me a few seconds before I seemed to be able to talk.

"Hello." There was silence on the other end he was leaving it up to me. I knew he was right I was the one that had to do the talking.

"I thought I would call you and say hi."

"Hi." He wasn't going to make this easy for me. I knew he was right and he was making a point that I had over stepped my bounds with him. I had hurt

him when I shouldn't have.

"All right Steve I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said and the way I treated you. You didn't deserve that from me. You've done nothing but take care

of me and stand beside me since this started. And all you wanted was what was the best thing for me and that was staying in the hospital to gain that weight and get my strength back." I was trying not to cry I wasn't going to do that to him and I didn't want his sympathy because I was crying. He didn't say anything there was just silence on the other end of the phone. I was waiting I wanted him to say something I didn't care what I just wanted him to say something to me even if he yelled at me. Something would be better than the silence I was getting.

"Maybe I shouldn't have called you yet. Maybe I made a mistake and you just need more time before you want to talk to me. I'll just hang up now and when you want to talk to me I'll be waiti..."

"Don't, don't hang up Mike." He was crying I could hear it in his voice and he was trying not to let me know that. It was breaking my heart because I knew I was the one that made him do it.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry Steve please don't cry please don't I feel bad enough for what I did." I had to stop I was going to cry if I kept talking to him. I had gone to far. I had hurt him to much.

"Listen just don't say anything just listen to me. I did I went to far last night I realize now how much I hurt you and I didn't mean to I was just angry Steve. I was just being my stupid self. When you're ready to talk to me call me back I'll be waiting just take your time I understand. Take all the time you need before you call me back Steve. I know what I did." I didn' t give him time to say anything I just hung up the phone and cried. How could have been that insensitive to him? Why is it that I let my temper take over and make me lose control like I do? I wouldn't blame him if he didn't call me back. I had hurt him and all he had done was love me. Randy showed up about a minute later.

"Wow, come on now Mike it can't be that bad. Just take a few deep breath and let it out slowly." Of all the things for him to say he sounded just like Steve telling me to take a deep breath. And I couldn't do anything but just sob louder. He came over to the bed and rubbed my back and told me to just settle down to try and take a breath it was hard to do in between the sobs. I finally managed to get a deep breath in and slow down the tears.

"Do you want to talk about it or should we change the subject? How about we change the subject and eat what I brought up for us to eat. I realized how hungry I was once I got down there and started looking at all the food. I hope I got you what you wanted. Come on Mike try and eat for me. Do you want to talk?." Randy and I had really made a lot of progress in those few hours that we sat and had that chance to talk to get to know one another. At least he knew where I was coming from and I understood him a lot more.

"Shit Randy I was so stupid, I hurt Steve last night so badly. I called him and tried to tell him I was sorry and I think I only made matters worse. I didn't give him much time to talk and I thought I was just giving him time to pull himself together and yeah, me to. Now I`m not sure if I should call him back or wait and see if he calls me."

"Why don't you just give him a chance and give him some time to think about what you said and I'm sure he'll come around and before you know it he' ll be calling you Mike." I wasn't so sure I was thinking that this time I had gone to far What if he didn't call what was I going to do I couldn't go anywhere I was stuck in this hospital and was going to be here for at least another seven days and possibly more depending on how much weight I regained and how much my strength came back. I resigned myself to the fact that all I could do was sit here and hope he called. Randy stayed a little longer and we talked some more by the time he left I had the experience of an enemy become a friend and realized how small the world was. We promised to keep in touch with each other once I was out and he promised to come by and see me after I was out of the hospital. I was glad that he had come to see me and I wanted to tell Steve what had happened. I watched the clock keep moving and he still hadn't called. I turned on the television and tried to watch whatever was on but it wasn't holding my interest. Kevin came in and let me know that they had gotten my room set and I would be moving within the next hour. At least it gave me something to think about besides Steve. I tried to focus on getting myself and my things together and just waited for the orderly to come and get me. Perhaps I lucked out but I was in another room by myself but this time I had hoped that someone was with me I needed someone to talk to I was having to much time to think and no one to say anything to. The hour was getting later I resigned myself to the fact that he wasn't going to call. I asked the nurse for my nightly mix of sedative and sleep aid I wanted to sleep and not think anymore about him and what he was doing and why wasn't he calling. It was a restless night I woke several times and every time I did it took me a while to get back to sleep. All I could think of every time I was awake was Steve and why hadn't he called and was he even going to bother with me after what I said to him and the way I had treated him. How was I going to fix this I knew in my heart that I had gone to far this time never mind the reason for my anger it didn't justify my treatment to him.

The morning finally came for what is was worth, the nurse's made their customary rounds of blood pressure checks and temperature readings. For me that included getting weighed in. I was up a pound and a halt this morning. Oh

boy only twenty five and a half pounds to go to get back to my normal weight. The doctor had come in early to see that I was settled in and was okay. He was glad that I had gained the weight but was looking to see at least two pounds by tomorrow. I didn't know how I was going to pull this off my hunger still wasn't back to normal. And my problem with Steve wasn't helping either. I was trying not to think of that now I just didn't want to start

the day that way. I was hoping that someone would come in and occupy my time and mind anything to get me to not dwell on missing Steve. I just wanted to hear his voice to let me know that it was going to be okay, even if he yelled at me I'd listen because he'd be talking to me at least. I thought about Randy and how strange it had been for him to show up yesterday. And again how small the world was that Donna was his mother. I was surprised to find out that he was gay he was the last person on earth I would have thought was. Maybe I had made a new friend only time would tell. The clock kept ticking and seem to stand still every time I looked at it. Why wasn't he calling why wouldn't he talk to me? I just turned over in bed put my head on my pillow and cried I wanted him I needed him and I couldn't call him this time I had to wait for him to come to me. I guess he was just making a point about what I had done to him and that he wasn't going to keep putting up with me treating him like I did and I guess he had every right. I cried for a while and finally stopped and drifted off to sleep. My nurse woke me up to let me know that my lunch had arrived and she would appreciate it if I would wake up and eat. I wasn't really hungry but I had to eat it was the only way I was going to gain any weight. My first visitor for the day walked in while I was eating.

"Hey Gary I'm glad to see you how are you?"

"I'm good the question is how you doing today?"

"I'm holding up at the moment. Trying to eat all these calories up they want me to gain some weight, seems I lost twenty seven pounds during radiation treatments. So the doctor has put me on this high calorie diet to see if I can gain some weight. So far I've gained a pound and a half. He wants me to gain two today. I'm afraid he'll tell me I have to gain three tomorrow. " Gary was laughing he was one of those that ate everything in sight and always looked like he could stand to gain ten pounds to be healthy. He was always one to poke fun at me for having a stomach. He was never cruel to me about it, he just like to bust my chops about it and I'd bust his about being a living walking stick man. I use to tell him when he stood sideways and stuck out his tongue he looked like a zipper. What can I say he was my cousin and we respected each other and had grown up having a good close friendship. He was six months younger than me, he called me the old man and I'd call him youngster.

"How's work going for you these days? Is the restaurant been busy lately? And how's George doing working all these hours lately?" I wanted to ask him about Steve in the worst way.

"Works going good we've been busier than usual at lunch this past week and a half. And George is tired he's not used to working the hours that he has been. But he's hanging in there and he's hired a guy to help him take your place. And no he's not there for good I know George told him that he'd be let go the minute you came back to work full time. So don't worry about your job George wouldn't do that to you, and you know it."

"How's Eileen? Did she end up getting that job that she was going after?"

"She's good and she has another interview coming up next week it's down to her and one other girl. I'm betting she gets the job mostly because she really wants it. But mostly I think because her job that she's at now gave her a really great letter of recommendation and told the company that they would be crazy not to hire her. So hopefully she'll end up working there."

"Have you been staying at her house lately or at our house? I'm never sure with you where you might be. I don't know why you and her just don't get a place. Not that I want you to leave our house, but as much as you stay at her place. I don't know why you guys aren't living together at this point." Both of us were making small talk and I could feel it. I figured I might

as well take the plunge and break the ice and get it over with at least we could go on from there.

"Gary, have you talked to Steve lately? Like in the past twenty four hours?" I could tell by the look on his face that he knew why I was asking and I

knew Gary he didn't like getting involved in things like this. Gary was the type that felt if you were having problems in your relationship that it was problem and your problem alone. No one else should be involved or talking to you about it. I had to smile in spite of everything.

"Yes I talked to him this morning." He was drumming his fingers and not looking at me. I was getting the picture that he didn't want to tell me whatever it was. I wasn't going to push. That was a habit of Gary's when he didn't want to talk about something.

"I won't push it Gary I'm not going to put you in the middle of this, this is between Steve and I and either it will work itself out or it won't there's nothing I can do about it anymore. I did everything I could. I've told him I was wrong and that I was sorry. Beyond that I don't know what else to tell him. I just wish he would call and talk to me or come and see me and either yell at me or tell me to get fucked or oh I don't know just something I just want to hear something from him Gary. I'm going crazy not knowing anything right now. I know I was wrong but now I just need to know where we stand. I'm sorry I don't want to drag you into this I know how you are with these things." I stopped talking and just looked out the window for a minute and Gary just sat there with me and didn't say anything. I was just going to have to wait for him how ever long he took I was going to wait.

Gary and I started talking and watching the television and he told me finally about his mom and dad and what they had to say about Steve and I. His mom wasn't happy at all and his dad was close behind in how he felt. I loved my Aunt and Uncle but they were staunch church goers. And the bible as far as they were concerned was the word and law of man and homosexuality did not fit in anywhere according to the church they went to. They told Gary that they realized that we were bound for hell and that he shouldn't be living with us. I think they were sure that we would make him gay and didn't we molest little kids so that they would turn gay? I hated the small mindedness of how some people interpret the bible and what it means. I don't hate them I just feel sorry that they don't understand that I didn't make a choice to be gay I was born that way plain and simple. God decided that not me but society made it difficult for us to be accepted for who and what we are. Maybe some day down the road someone will stand up and make a change. Someone will make a difference. We sat for a while and Gary had to leave and go get Eileen she wanted to come up and see me to. She had sent Gary in first to see how I was doing and if I was up to company yet. I told him to tell her that as long as she didn't rub up against me she wouldn't catch what I had. We both laughed and he was out the door to go get her. It would be nice to see her I hadn't seen her since the day I came home from the hospital the first time. For now I had to sit and watch the hands of the clock move at a snails pace. It didn't take to long before I drifted off to sleep, I was in a deep sleep when I was awakened by the gentle kiss on my forehead. My eyes flew open and I tried to focus to see if he was here if he had come to tell me everything was okay. I threw open my arms and leaned out to get myself out of bed and close to him but he walked over to the bed and caught me before I fell on my face. I just hugged him as tight as I could and didn' t let go. All I cared was that he was here neither of us said anything for a few minutes we both just enjoyed the embrace.

"I'm sorry Steve I'm so sorry I was going out of my mind worrying." I kissed him hard. And right back to putting my arms around him and not letting

go.

"Okay Babe let me breath a little. He stepped back just a step and looked into my eyes. It was then that I could see it in him. He looked like hell. He had bags under his eyes and he never had those. He looked tired like he hadn't slept for a while. And I knew it was because of me I instantly felt like a piece of shit.

"How come you don't hate me? You have every right to after what I did to you. And with that being said why did you wait so long to come here or call

me? Where you trying to make a point to make me realize what I had done was wrong? Because if you were I've learned that no matter what I can't treat you like that ever. You're the one that has stood by me the whole time I' ve been going through this. You're the one that made me believe that together we could beat this. And I treated you like trash and worse." I got out of my bed and stood up with him and put my arms around him again and just held on. I didn't want to let go not for one minute I had missed him to much to let go just yet. He backed up just a little and put his hand on the side of my face and gently rubbed it.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I love you Michael that's what and over this past thirty six hours I've realized just how much." He held me by my chin and pulled my face to his and kissed me gently and sweetly. I was promising myself that I wasn't going to cry this time there was no way I was going to do that.

"I understand why you acted the way you did and I don't blame you. But you were right this time, you hurt me Mike and I didn't deserve that. I'm not going to keep beating this issue to death. It's over and done with never to be discussed again. From this point forward it's water under the bridge and there's no point in talking about it. It won't change the fact that it happened. Now that I've said it I'll say this I love you more today than I did yesterday and the day before that one." He picked me up off the floor and got me back to my bed and sat me down on it.

"Our next course of action is to fatten you up and get you stronger than you are now. That's the name of the game plan buddy. Now crawl up into that bed and let me pull the covers up so you're covered up and not possibly getting a chill and catching cold that's one thing that you don't need right now."

"Yes sir mister yes sir whatever you think I should be doing. And just to let you know big boy I do love you oh so very much I do love you with all my heart and soul." I put my head on my pillow and took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. For the first time that day I felt at peace and felt like I could rest for the night.

"Will you stay tonight?"

"Maybe if your good and behave yourself and do as your told maybe I will."

"I think you need a good nights sleep as much as I do. You have bags under you eyes and I know why, I know I know we aren't talking about it. But that doesn't change the fact that you have bags under your eyes and you look like shit you need a good nights sleep. And whether you say it or not I'm sorry that I was the one that made you look like you do at the moment. Dr. Grisales put a bed in this room for a reason . And tonight is a good reason for you to stay in it and put it to good use. And it will make me feel like trying harder to eat and gain weight. Just like you want me to." I put my best smile on to try and convince him to stay with me. I was trying hard to play at being sexy and it wasn't easy the way I really felt inside. But I wasn't going to let on to him that I wasn't feeling that great. Hey it was to be expected anyway I was still working on getting better and my week had just begun.

"Hey I have a story to tell you, do you remember the guy I once told you about his name was Randy Crawford?

"Yes and why would you have a story to tell me about him I seem to remember that he was a pain in your ass and gave you all kinds of trouble. Did you hear something about him?"

"Oh I heard plenty believe me and you'll never in a million years guess who I heard it from."

"I have no idea, who was it?

"You have to guess, you have to this time I'm not going to just tell you that would be no fun and what's the point in not having any fun?"

"I don't know I don't even know where to begin because I don't know who' s been here and since I haven't talked to you Michael. I haven't a clue as

to where to begin. Remember I didn't go to school with you and him. So someone you went to school with could have come to see you and they told you what ever it is that you're going to tell me. So it's not fair that you're making me guess. So come on spill it Babe tell what you heard about him."

"Okay you have a point you didn't go to school with us. Ready? Here's the real bombshell for you......he's gay." It was like he knew I thought for sure he'd be surprised by that piece of news.

"How did you find that out? But more importantly you mean to tell me that the guy that picked on you and beat on you all those times is fucking gay?"

"Honest to god it's the truth. I also heard how sorry he was that he did what he did to me. And it seems that he wants to make amends with me can you believe that?" I was playing with him because he still hadn't asked me who it was that I heard it from.

"Whoever told you this did they have anything else to say about him. And the more I think about it, I'm sure it was someone you went to school with because they had to know the history you two shared. So see I told you I' d never be able to guess who it was."

"Perhaps your right but I just have this feeling that if you thought about it enough that you would be able to guess who it was." I wanted to keep stringing him along. I sat there waiting to see if he would guess anyway to see if he would at least take a stab at it.

"Hey by the way I have to go ask the nurse something I'll be right back in do you need anything from them. Do you want to get your shot now or later I don't know when you had your last one so what do you want?

"But you haven't guessed and I haven't told you yet who it was. Aren't you the least bit interested who it was?"

"Yes I am but I just remembered I had to talk to the nurse about something."

"Okay but hurry up I want to tell you because I know you'll be shocked when I tell you who it is and no I don't need my shot not since you got here you were my shot tonight, I'll wait until it's almost bed time then I'll need some help to get to sleep." He just nodded and walked out the door. I only had to wait a few minutes but I turned on the television to see what was on that might be good that we could watch while we sat here and talked. The next thing I see is him poking his head around the corner of the door.

"Close your eyes and keep them shut, as a matter of fact use your pillow to cover your face because I know you and you'll try and peek and see what I 'm doing. So pick up your pillow......go on just do it." What did he have up his sleeve? I didn't trust him all of a sudden and the pillow would not let me peek in the least, he was right I would.

"The pillow Mike on your face now. Otherwise I'll still right here and make you wait even longer before I come into the room. Go on get busy put the pillow up!

"Fine alright but don't you do anything to me or I'll scream and get you in trouble with my nurse. I'll tell her that you're putting me under unnecessary stress."

"Fine tell her that I'll lie my way out of any trouble you can get me in. They'll believe me first I'm better looking than you!"

"You will so pay for that insult, trust me you will pay for that. And fine I'll put the pillow on my face but make it quick whatever you're up to because if you make me wait to long or if it gets to quiet in here I'll take the pillow off my face to see what you're up to Steve." I did I put the pillow over my face. I couldn't hear anything and I was listening to hear if anyone was walking into the room with him or not. I couldn't hear anyone besides him. The lights stayed on which I felt better about that. He just kept telling me not to look and not to let the pillow down or he'd kill me. The suspense was killing me.

"Come on Steve what are you doing what are you up to. This is taking to long come on just let me look. Im starting to get a bad feeling about this. I know you wont do anything bad, well you might but come on already."

"Don't you dare just another few more seconds and I'll let you look, I promise." He was doing something with my tray table I could hear him moving it closer to me. I started to back up in my bed.

"Don't move and don't worry there's nothing bad going on, I promise you' ll like this. Just remember when you see this that I love you, promise me that you`ll still love me." Now I was really getting nervous.

"Stephen Alan Craigen what in the hell are you up to?"

"Wow he used all three names if he doesn't like this I'll be knee deep in trouble." He started laughing but still made me keep the pillow on my face. I felt him take a hold of the pillow and started moving it from my face. I was stunned and speechless all in that one second that it took for me to realize what exactly was in front of me. On my table sat this beautiful arrangement of two dozen long stemmed yellow roses. And in front of that sat two gold rings held together with Steve's gold chain that he always wore. I just sat there and cried. I took his hand and pulled him into my bed and hugged him with all the strength that I had in me. Of all the color of rose that he could give me he gave me yellow I don't know if he realized that it meant friendship when you gave someone yellow roses. I couldn't stop kissing him. I was finally able to pull myself together and talk to him.

"That's so not fair that you did this now. Is this for me to put on now or are we going to wait until we do something in front of the family I think

they'll be disappointed if we don't. At least Laura will and probably Tiffany and your Mom."

"No we are going to wait until later. You can't have it yet. But I wanted to show you that no matter what you and I aren't going on without each other. No matter what the future brings for us it will be together. For now I want you to wear them together around your neck as a reminder of how much I love you and how much you mean to me Michael. The other night made me realize how much you hurt and even more it made me realize how much I meant what I said when I asked you to share my life with me. I'm not walking away from you no matter how much you yell at me or scream at me. Because I know no matter what you still love me. The only way you can say the things that you said to me is because you love me you trust me enough and feel safe enough to be able to let go and just let out all those emotions that where bottled up inside of you." He tilted his head and leaned in to kiss me. I couldn' t say anything to him I just kissed him back and let the tears fall down my cheeks and didn't care any more. I don't know how I was this lucky to have this man in my life and I just knew I had to stop asking and accept the fact that I did have in my life and was lucky enough that he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

"Steve I will wear those rings until we have that ceremony with pride and if anyone asks what they are there for I'll be proud to tell them that the man I call my husband gave them to me until we get married." He took the rings and opened the chain and put them around my neck.

"This chain is yours from now on Babe. It looks better on you than me. I want you to have this."

"Steve your grandmother gave you that right before she died. I know what this means to you. You need to keep this when we put the rings on our fingers."

"No argument Michael Wayne it's yours from now on. Just be quiet and I' ll hear about this no more." I went to try and argue with him but he put his finger up to my lips to quiet me. I let it go there was no point he had made up his mind I could tell.

"The other night made me realize everything it all became crystal clear that it was time to find the rings and make that step forward I wanted you to know I wasn't going to leave you ever."

"You have Steve you really have. But that only leaves one thing left."

"What's that exactly?"

"You still don't know or haven't guessed who told me about Randy." He started to laugh.

"This has got to be pretty good for you to come back to that conversation I thought for sure this would make you forget any conversation we might be having when I gave you this."

"Well it came close but I know you'll be shocked and that's why you have to know."

"All right all ready just who the hell told you about this Randy Crawford? "

"I really wanted you to guess but since you gave me all this I'll just tell you........it was..........."

"Shit Michael just tell me the fucking name because weakened or not the next thing I will do is tickle you. And I won't show mercy I know your neck is the worst place I can attack and I will go right for the neck, so spill it."

"He did, Randy sat here and told me." I thought Steve was going to fall over.

"Are you kidding me? You mean to tell me that he came to see you here in the hospital? Did he come here to tell you that he was gay? What the fuck was the purpose of him coming here? Did he want something from you? How did he know about you being here? He was spitting out questions like a sub machine gun fires bullets. I put my hand up to signal him to stop. I hadn't expected this kind of response from him it wasn't like him.

"One thing at a time and I'll explain how it all happened from the beginning to the end I promise. He showed up the next morning and I told him I didn't want to hear anything that he had to say and he told me that he wasn' t going to leave until he had said what he had come here for. So with that in mind I finally let him start talking. He found out about me because Donna, you remember her? Donna is his mother and she was talking about me at their home and because of things that she said about me and she said my name, just my first name but she talked about my attitude about not giving up and being a fighter, well he asked her my last name and she told him so he knew it was me. So he came to see me and to apologize for all the things that he said to me and did to me. He told me that he did all those things because he hated himself for being gay and I was the object of his hate. But he thought that I never let it bother me that I was a fighter in my own way with him. And it just made him madder when I didn't acknowledge his insults and beatings, I just acted like it was nothing to him. But anyway so like I said he apologized he bought me some food and we talked for a few hours and by the time he left I realized that I had made a friend. We made plans to keep in touch and I told him that I wanted him to meet you because I told him all about you."

"You better hope I like him and don't beat the shit out of him for doing all those things to you."

"Steve you will do no such thing you're not going to be that childish. You're to old to act like a high school idiot. I think you'll like him he wants to go to school to be a chef. And we could use someone like that at the

restaurant, so don't go and ruin that. And I really think that you'll get along with him. He's certainly not the person I knew in high school Steve."

"We'll see about that when I meet him." I heard an unfamiliar tone in his voice and I couldn't put my finger on it. Was he jealous?

"Your not jealous because I said he was my friend all of a sudden after he was someone I hated so much are you?" He didn't look at me directly he just kind of looked off to the side and didn't look at anything in particular. He was, he was actually jealous of Randy.

"Don't be jealous Steve you have nothing to be jealous of believe me. He' s a nice guy and that's all there is to it, no more and no less. I just liked the fact that he went out of his way to come and see me and apologize for all those things he did. Believe me I treated him pretty shitty when he was first here. And I'm not going off to meet him without you with me I told him all about you, in fact he was the first one to tell me that I should call you because I told him about what I had done to you and how I felt. So he told me to call you and he left the room to get me something to eat. And the second he left Kevin walked in and gave me the same advice as Randy so I called you and said what I said. I was crying when he got back because I had just hung up from you. And he was nice enough to try and comfort me and that was all he did. And it helped me and that was when we just sat here and made small talk and watched the television. So you have no reason to be jealous of Randy he's nothing more that a friend and when you meet him you'll see that so stop it right now." He didn't say anything to me and he didn't argue the point so I decided to just let it drop and forget about it for now. I knew once they met he'd be okay and they would become friends. They really both had a lot in common.

"Are you going to stay the night with me? I'm scared and need someone to protect me mister. I need someone to stay here and check under my bed for monsters." I wanted to move onto another subject so that he would forget about Randy for now. I tried to coax him into a more jovial mood.

"Monsters under the bed huh? Aren't you afraid of the other monsters?" He had this smirk on his face and I was glad to see it he wasn't thinking about Randy and that was all that mattered right then.

"What other monsters are you talking about pray tell?" I really wanted to laugh because he was walking like a mummy in those old black and white movies with his arm up by his chest and dragging one leg. I loved his sense of

humor.

"Those monsters that walk in the night and take advantage of the weak and helpless." He looked crazy with eyes crossed. I had to laugh at him.

"It's not nice to laugh at those monsters that lurk about. And there's still another monster that you have to fear my friend." By now he was right next to my bed and I was leaning away from him because I didn't know what he was going to do to me and I had this feeling that he was going to tickle me. He had a habit of acting crazy like this then get close to me and tickle me. I was being wary.

"Why this monster sir......" He put his hand on his crotch and shook his cock and balls. I couldn't help but laugh at him.

"But I'm not afraid of that monster mister." I was trying so hard to stop laughing at him.

"You're perverted you know that you really perverted. Something happened to you at birth I swear it did." He was sitting on the edge of my bed by now and holding my hand. He stayed the night and I did have a good nights sleep knowing that he was with me. I went to sleep holding the rings in my hand and dreaming of what kind of ceremony we could do. I really did want something special. I thought I would suggest that perhaps we would write something that we could read to each other. That would be our way of exchanging vows. It would be short and significant and mean something to the both of us because we would be writing our own vows. I thought it would be a good idea. I dreamed of Steve I dreamed of Randy and I dreamed of wedding vows that were really screwy in a weird way. I just shrugged it off I wasn't going to spend time trying to interpret dreams at this stage.

The next couple of days went by pretty well and without incident, I was gaining weight and Dr. Grisales was happy with the amount. I was back up nine pounds after being there five more days I only had two more to go but I wanted to hear Dr. Grisales confirm that. I didn't have to wait long to find out.

"I'm happy with the gain you've made Mike as of this mornings weigh in you're up to nine and three quarter pounds. And your looking good your color is coming back so you don't look so pale anymore. There's a day and a half left before I should spring you."

"Before you should spring me or you're going to spring me? You're not sounding very convincing about the actual word of letting me go. Does this mean you want more time in here that you don't want me to go yet? And we haven 't yet so don't start lying now and you don't sugar coat it either remember this is me you're talking to Dr. Grisales." I wasn't sure how to read his facial expression he didn't look like he was afraid to tell me or anything like that but I just couldn't read him.

"I'm not sure what to do Mike to be honest with you. I'm happy with what you've gained and on the other hand I'd like to see you gain a little bit more before I let you go. I do however realize that you want to go home and that you don't want to be here. Your spirits are back where they were when we first started fighting this and I'm ecstatic over that, so I don't know what to do. So this is how I'm going to handle this decision. I want you and Steve to talk it over, I don't know how many more days you'd have to stay and it would depend on how fast you continue to keep gaining this weight. But I'd like to see you with about fourteen to fifteen pounds total weight gain before you leave here. I know I'm asking a lot so that's why I want you and Steve to talk it over and think about it. You have a day and a half to do this so don't hurry and think you have to tell me by today. Because if you tell me at the last minute and decide to leave I would still have

you out of here within an hour of letting me know. And I promise to keep my word whatever you decide, does that sound fair to you?"

"Well I don't like it but you're being honest and I thank you this time that you left it up to me at least if I decide to stay and that's a big if right now, then it will be an easier pill to swallow pardon the pun it wasn 't intended Dr. Grisales." He smiled at me just the same. I called Steve and told him that when he came to visit me later on that we needed to talk about being released. I wasn't angry this time Dr. Grisales had been slick this time throwing the ball in my court.

It didn't take long for Steve to come to my home away from home which it pretty much felt like these past couple of days. I didn't waste any time in explaining what was up and what we had to decide or I should say that I had to decide. We talked for about two hours back and forth debating the good and the bad. It was decided that we would give it some more time how much we weren't certain but I would try and hang on to the goal that he had wanted, and that was fifteen pounds. I convinced myself that I was going to eat like a pig and eat anything and everything I could. Steve said he would bring me a sheet cake that would serve fifty people and I would have to eat it all myself. I agreed to his terms and we both laughed over the whole thing at least it was my decision and I felt good about staying this time but I informed Dr. Grisales that it was going to cost him this time he told me he was willing to pay within reason. So he changed my diet again and added some protein shakes loaded with carbohydrates on top of some more food intake.

Fifteen pounds happened sooner that I thought and release day was finally upon me. I was so excited to go home with a clean bill of health. The most recent MRI had shown nothing remained and due to the location of the tumor to begin with they were ninety five percent sure that it really was gone this time. Things were looking up. And I was on my way home at least. The weather went with my mood the sun was shining it wasn't freezing even though it was the middle of winter I was in my glory.

"I'm so glad to be going home Steve I thought I would never see this day. Twenty five days in that place I was beginning to forget what home looked like. I can't wait to crawl into my own bed tonight and curl up with you and just lay there and be held by you. I have missed curling up with so much. And I'm not talking about sex although if your really good you just might get some."

"Sex what's that? Oh that's right boners balls tits you mean those kind of things? You mean we could like really touch each others pee pee's?" I couldn't stop laughing he was making himself sound so overly excited like a little kid let lose in the North Pole the day before Christmas being toldhe could have whatever he wanted and Santa would bring it to him.

"You better not get so excited just yet mister or you'll shoot your load in another minute or so. Hey tell you what do me a favor and take a little bit of a ride on the way home nothing to long. I just want to enjoy the outside and the scenery I've been locked up for so long I could use the fresh air for a little bit, okay? Unless there`s a house full of people again waiting for me to walk through the door?"

"No sorry not this time I'll admit that I made sure everyone stayed away this time I'm being selfish because I want you all to myself for the rest of the day and tonight. I told Gary not to come home tonight either I told him if I got lucky he wouldn't want to hear you and I going at it till all hours of the morning."

"You're a pig Steve you are really a pig. And you're so sure that I'm just going to crawl in bed tonight and spread my legs and let you have your way with me?"

"Well I wasn't positive but yeah pretty much that's what I expected as far as our first evening together would be like."

"Damn straight that's exactly what I want to happen tonight and anyone that just happens to show up will be shot on sight no questions and we'll just bury the body later. The sex will come first." The both of us got to laughing.

"So about that little ride is that possible will you take me for a drive?"

"Yeah we can go for a ride Mike do you want to stop and get anything to drink do you want to stop and get a real coffee for a change instead of hospital coffee?" It was one thing I was looking forward to was a good cup of coffee at home. The only thing they would give me at the hospital was decaf. I 'm sorry but I've got to have my regular cup of joe. So we stopped at my favorite Dunkin Donuts and picked up two coffees to go and we took off for a scenic ride to nowhere but those were always my favorites. I scooted over on the seat and sat right next to Steve it really had been a while and it felt good to stretch out across the front seat while he drove. I loved when he drove me around like this I could totally relax with him. We drove for a while with the radio playing and us singing along when we felt like it. Luckily Steve had left a joint in the glove box before I went into the hospital and he had forgotten about it. So we lit it up and smoked it until we couldn't hold it anymore in our fingers we both were pretty buzzed. And a good high always makes me horny. I didn't say anything to him but I knew what I was going to do to him. I just put my hand on his leg and started just rubbing my hand back and forth on his leg being careful not to go to high right away. Slowly and surely I rubbed further down the inside of his leg and got a little closer to his crotch. I was rubbing lightly really lightly my elbow backed into his cock he was rock hard and a moan escaped his throat.

"Michael your making me so hard which since we haven't had sex in over three weeks all you have to do is tell me to get hard and I would just by you saying do it."

"You mean I gave you hard on? I was just rubbing your leg so you'd relax while you're driving."

"Yeah, bullshit babe you did this on purpose. So now that you did this what 's your next move? Should I find a place to pull over? Perhaps in a wooded area?"

"On no we can't do that I don't want a cop to catch us doing anything in the middle of the day."

"So what should we do?" I started to loosen his belt buckle and unsnap his jeans. I kept pulling on them and I got him to lift his ass off of the seat and I pulled his pants down to his knees. He was hard as rock and leaking like a faucet. I wrapped my fingers around his erection and gently went up and down his cock. He was moaning with pleasure. Telling me how much he wanted this and how much he needed me to put my mouth around his cock. I couldn't refuse the man I loved. I bent down and wrapped my lips around his cock and licked the hole back and forth. I ran my tongue around his head and sucked him hard to get all the precum he was making. It was like nectar to taste him I had missed his essence I had missed his cock in my mouth. I wanted this to last I wanted him to enjoy this as much as I was.

"Oh Babe I have missed you so much I have missed your touch in bed so bad. Our bed is a lonely place without you in it. I slept on the couch most nights because I missed you so much." I stopped for a second and kissed him.

"I want you to just drive and not talk and enjoy this because I'm going to." I went back down on him and engulfed him until I had his cock down my throat. I was almost gagging but I held back and didn't. I went up and down and played with his balls while I soaked his cock with my saliva. I couldn' t help it that velvet hot steel cock made my mouth water when it was in my mouth. My cock was rock hard in my pants but I didn't touch it I just let it

go. I worked his cock with my mouth all I could. I sucked hard and then softly sometimes making the suction as hard as I possibly could with my mouth. His precum didn't stop and I kept swallowing it. I was beginning to feel the precum escaping from the head of my dick starting to soak the fabric of my underwear. I continued to play with him and tease him. I got him close and then back off I'd get him close and back off again. My cock was aching confined inside my pants. He was begging soon for the release I knew he wanted, he hadn't cum in over a week I had purposely got him to promise me that he wouldn't jerk off or play with himself so that I could take care of him when I got out of the hospital. I promised him an endless day of sex if he withheld jerking off. He did and this was the beginning of his reward. He kept his hand on my head sometimes shoving my head down on his dick. He reached down and pinched my dick through the fabric I was leaking so much precum and my cock hurt from being confined in my pants. But I was concerned about his pleasure now not mine. Mine would come later. I squeezed his balls hard and sucked even harder he was moaning and begging for me to suck him dry he wanted desperately to empty his load in my mouth he wanted to fill my mouth with his seed. And I wanted him to in the worst way I had missed his taste but I had missed his touch even more. Several minutes passed and I decided that he deserved his release that he was begging me for. I made a cock ring out of my fingers and held his balls tight and pulled them as far down as I could. And I began to suck him for all I was worth everything I did then was to bring him to his climax to bring him to his release. He pulled off the road and begged.

"Babe now babe make me cum now please do it please suck it all suck it all out of me oh my god suck it man suck it. I can't take any more Mike." I could feel his balls try to pull up and I let go of his bag and he screamed as his cum came up through his cock out into my hot mouth and I drank him down all that I could hold of his load. And as I sucked him down I came in my pants I could feel my cum soaking my underwear and spread all over my skin. I had a hard time keeping his cock in my mouth. I let him just hold my head in his lap as he came down from his orgasmic high. He rubbed my back and rested his head back on the seat. I sat up and directed his head so I could kiss him. He kissed me and opened his mouth and I let him taste himself as I let his cum enter his mouth I pushed what I had left into it. I put my head on his shoulder I was still hard but knew that it would be later until I was completely satisfied. But I knew he would make me happy and I knew he would reward me with more of his loads. I could wait.

"Oh my god babe that was so hot I have never had that done to me. That was a first for me and I'm guessing that it was your first to."

"Oh yea that was a first for me to and you know that shit head! Don't get smart or you won't get any more today and I have this unbelievable hunger today. I'm not sure if you'll be able to keep up with me. It's been over three weeks since I've emptied myself of any loads. So this one I just had was only the beginning this one just took a little of the edge off. You'll have your work cut out for you when we crawl in bed tonight."

"Your incredible Babe that was totally awesome and totally unexpected. Did you know that you were going to do that when he started this little ride as you put it?"

"Yep, I thought about it right after I called you a pig."

"You have the nerve to call me a pig and then you go and pretend to want to go for a ride just so you could suck my dick is that pretty much what this was all about?"

"I'll admit that this was the idea I had in mind, rather good don't you think so?" He was fixing his pants by now and buckling his belt back up.

"Do you think you can keep your hands to yourself at least long enough for us to get home and then if you want to take my pants off again you can. Can you do that?"

"I promise nothing other than I'll do my best to not seduce you or rape you while we finish our little ride that you insisted we take in the first place!"

"Oh my God you have some much nerve I can't believe you have the balls to sit there and say that to me. You have got one big set of balls Babe, absolutely one big set of balls! And it kills me that you can sit there with a straight face like it's nothing at all when you say that. And you're calling me the pig, you're the one that's the pig I pale in comparison to the master." I couldn't help but to laugh at him.

"Do me a favor Steve just drive me home now will you? And no more funny business I promise I'll be good but all bets are off when we walk into the house." The rest of the ride home was pleasant and we sang to the songs we wanted to again. It was just such a beautiful day out and I wanted to enjoy it. We stopped on the way home to pick up dinner so that we didn't have to cook when we were ready to eat.

We got home and into the house and a ringing phone. It was his parents and they informed us that they were coming over for a short visit they hadn't seen me in over two weeks and they wanted to come see me. How could I say no to them. There went our quiet evening of being alone and untold glorious sex games. Damn maybe I could call them back and think of something to hold them off until tomorrow. Steve informed me it was to late for that and it would be unkind to lie to them when they really wanted to see me so bad. I had to reluctantly agree with him. Steve came in with all the stuff from the car that I had built up while staying in the hospital. It took him three trips in and out to bring everything in. I was beginning to feel like I had been on vacation and I had to unpack everything and put it away. Fortunately I didn't have to worry about washing any clothes like you do when you get home from vacation. By the time I had it all put away Steve's parents had arrived and Steve was sitting in the living room with them when I came downstairs. I was glad to see them and I knew Mrs. C. was glad that she was able to really see me and give me the once over mother approval review.

"You look a lot healthier Michael than you did the last time I saw you. How much weight have you regained all together now?"

"From the twenty seven that I lost I have regained seventeen pounds to be honest with you. I stayed in the hospital on purpose to gain a little more than the doctor wanted me to so that I could afford to lose a pound and not

worry when I got home. So Dr. Grisales gave me the thumbs up with letting me out. And the other doctors were happy with all the lab results and all the levels being almost normal. Some are still a little off but that's to be

expected after everything with the radiation treatments. And the latest MRI is completely clean. I have to go for a monthly MRI for the next six months to keep an eye on things and to make sure that nothing starts growing again. I can live with that to be honest with you."

"Michael we are so glad to hear that you must be so relieved."

"I am I feel good I know I'm not out of the woods yet and I'm not kidding myself or telling myself that I'm cured for good because we still have at least two years before I can say that I'm cured. And even then they don't consider you cured. It could come back after that who knows when and if it would. For now I'm just taking it day to day and I try not to think about it to much. I'm just going to stay optimistic and keep on trucking."

"I'm glad to hear you say that I know you and Steve had a hard time during this and I'm delighted to see that you've gotten past that and things are going well between the two of you." I just looked over at Steve and he just looked up at the ceiling I knew then that he must have told his mother what was going on when I threw him out of the hospital that night. I cringed with a bit of guilt.

"We're doing good, things just got a little complicated I was having a hard time but I got past that thanks to an old friend who just happen to show

up unexpectedly. He helped me get past the hump of being angry and move on with everything." I could see that look on Steve's face again I just couldn't figure out why he was feeling this way about some one he didn't even know yet. It wasn't like him to be like that. Steve always gave people the benefit of the doubt until he got to know them. I didn't know if he really was jealous of Randy or not. It bothered me to see him like this.

"Well since I'm here and things are going so well have you two thought about the party at the house and what you want? Laura and Tiffany are excited to get this into gear and they want to work on it with you Mike. They want to know if they can come tomorrow and talk about ideas they have and what you want. And don't let Laura start running the show ask Steve he knows how she can be, she means well she just likes to be the organizer to much some times. Don't let her talk you into things you don't want Mike and I mean that if you don't like something tell her no and if you can't because you don't want to hurt her feelings then you tell me and I'll kick her butt and get it straightened out for you okay?" I had to laugh to myself Mrs. C was being so serious I had no doubt that she would do as I ask if Laura got out of hand.

"To be honest Mom Steve and I have just begun to talk about what we wanted. The one idea that we like is that we thought we would write something to each other and just say that and then present each other with our rings. Speaking of which have you seen the rings Steve has picked out for us?" I was

excited to show what he had picked out. I took them out from inside my shirt and took off the chain they were on so she could see them up close. She liked them and thought Steve had done a good job picking them out. The night he gave them to me I just held onto them and went to sleep I'll never forget that night. I kept six of the roses he gave me and now they were in the biggest book I had with more books on top I wanted to keep them so I'm flattening them out so I can have them put in between glass with the date he gave them to me printed behind them. I'd like to have a picture of the rings taken and incorporate that into it also. It would make a nice reminder of our special day. Mom loved the rings little did I know that she was with Steve when he picked them out giving her advice on the matter. I thanked her when I found out for not ruining my fun when I showed them to her and she acted like she never saw them.

"So should I let Laura loose tomorrow or call her off?"

"Let her come I can deal with her we get along just fine. And like you said if she's a problem I'll just send her back to you!"

"Thanks you're a real nice guy. I'm just kidding you don't you worry about her."

"I won't Mom I won't and besides Steve will be here he knows how to deal with her I'm sure."

"Don't forget she's the big sister for him and she can corner him in sometimes when she puts her mind to it."

"Just tell them to knock it off if they get out of hand on you or tell them you'll call me to come and talk to them. Tell them I'll be using their two first names loudly." I had to laugh she didn't pull any punches with them. I'm sure I wasn't going to have a problem with either one of them and I knew I wasn't worried about Steve at all. After all I could just threaten to him with no sex. That would keep him on the up and up and on my side to boot.

"Don't worry Mom I can handle him just fine I'm sure he won't be a problem. If he is I'll threaten him with something god knows what but I'll think of something." And then Mr. C spoke up having sat there the entire time not saying anything and what came out of him mouth shocked the shit out of me.

"You could cut him off from sex!" Mrs. C reached over and hit him on the shoulder and scolded him for saying such a thing. Steve and I both laughed because he was the one person that we both thought would never talk about our life style in that manner. It was just so unexpected from him I had a hard time believing that he actually said it. The rest of their visit didn't last long Mrs. C didn't want to get me to tired my first night home. I reassured her that I had plenty of time to rest while I was in the hospital. And that making me tired from visiting was a pleasure for me. They were out the door leaving Steve and I alone. My mother had called while Steve's parents were here and I had to call her back. We talked for a little while she was glad that I was home and looked forward to coming and seeing me. I told her that Laura and Tiffany were coming tomorrow and why so that she knew I was going to be busy for a while. I didn't mind if she came but I didn't think she would. She was still having a hard time with Steve and I even though she tried to act like she didn't I could still tell that she was. We talked for almost an hour before we hung up. I had promised that we would see each other in a few days and we would have lunch or something.

We finally were alone for the evening. There was going to be no more phone calls and it was late enough to know that no one would show up. Steve was going through the mail because he hadn't done so the past couple of days and he threw an envelope at me like he was disgusted with it. It was from Randy, I was a little surprised to see him send me anything but when I really looked at it I had a feeling it was a card. I opened to see that it was a get card well card. He had written a short note in it with his apologies again and with hopes that I was getting better and would be home soon. I thought it was a nice thing to do. Steve for some reason wasn't happy that he had sent it. He couldn't figure was this guy all of a sudden wanted to be all chummy and friendly after all the things he had done to me. Steve told me that I should be wary of this guy and not let him get to close that he felt that he was just setting me up to harm me in some way. I was having a hard time with his attitude and behavior towards Randy it just wasn't making any sense to me that Steve was being like this he was never like this to someone he didn't know. It was beginning to annoy me.

"What is your problem Steve what makes you like this about Randy? He's done nothing to you, the one person here that should hate this guy is me and I don't. You've never met him and usually you give people you don't know the benefit of the doubt. You're not doing that this time. You've decided to hate him and it seems that you're not going to give him the time of day. Let me tell you something Steve I like him we seem to hit it off pretty good that day. Maybe he'll become a better friend maybe he won't but I won't have you treating him badly or being rude to him before he and I get that chance. If you have a problem with that then I want a really good explanation as to why. Otherwise this conversation is over about Randy. Is there something you'd like to say or explain to me why you already dislike him before you get the chance to meet him?" I just looked at him and waited for a response but he didn't have one he just looked down at the pile of mail and kept going through it. I wasn't really mad at him but I was mystified with his behavior I had never seen this in him before. More than anything I wanted an explanation but it wasn't going to be just then. I went into the kitchen to make up our dinner and put it on the table. We made small talk during dinner but there was an underlying current between us about what was not being discussed. Close to the end of the meal I just couldn't let it go I needed to talk this out with him I wanted to know what his problem was and maybe we could work it out whatever it was.

"Steve we're sitting here talking about everything but what's really going on. What exactly is up with the way you feel about Randy? Something has to be wrong for you to be acting like this. I want us to get this cleared up

whatever it is. Talk to me tell me what's eating at you."

"I just don't like him that's all. I don't like the things he did to you when you were in high school that's all. He hurt you and tormented you all

that time and never thought anything of it. And now all of a sudden he waltz's into your hospital room and says gee I'm sorry can you forgive and you do. How can you do that? I remember when you told me that story about him and I could tell how much it hurt you and now your sitting here telling me

to just let it go and that you want to be his friend. I'm sorry but I don' t buy this guys line of bullshit and that's exactly what it is Michael a line of bullshit. I can't make you not see him but as far as I'm concerned I don't want to see his face in our house. If you bring him here make sure I 'm not here." I was stunned by his admission and feelings towards Randy. I really was speechless for a few moments I didn't know what to say to him. I just kept eating my meal not saying anything to him. But I had to change his mind I didn't want this animosity he was harboring towards Randy to go on. I wanted Randy to be a friend I liked him enough the day that we talked.

"Steve if I can let it go and forgive why can't you? I'm grateful that Randy showed up that day. He really was the one that made me realize that I needed to keep fighting. He was the one that made me realize I needed to call you. For just those things alone I'm grateful that he came to see me. Why can't you see that? Why can't you trust my judgment of him and what he had to say? You know me I believe that there are no accidents in life. For whatever reason he came back into my life perhaps it was just so that I realized that I needed to keep fighting. If that was the only reason I met him again don't you think it was worth it? You could almost say that he gave me my life back. Why is that such a problem Steve I just don't understand you this time it's just not like you to be this way with someone you don't know. I'm just asking you to give him a chance that's all."

"There's no way I'm giving him that chance as far as I'm concerned he's here for one reason and one reason only and that's to hurt you in some way.

That's been his track record all those years. It was his mission in life to hurt you and try and destroy you in some way. I can't believe that he since he hated himself so much all that time which drove him to beat the shit out of you both physically and mentally that all of a sudden he's okay with being gay. And he wants you to forgive him and he's okay with being gay now and likes himself that's a huge change for someone like that. I just don' t buy it Mike you do what you want but I want no part of it. You want to be friends with him then you do that but I'll keep my guard up and I can tell you this now if he hurts you in any way either physically or mentally I swear to god as my witness that I'll kill Michael I swear I'll kill him." He got from the table picked up his plate and glass and went into the kitchen leaving me sitting in the dining room. I was stunned I didn't know what to do. I knew I couldn't fight with him over this. It wasn't worth it. I thought I should let him cool off and perhaps he would change his mind if I did. Maybe all he needed was some time.

"Okay Steve I'll drop the subject for now. I'll let you know if he's coming over to visit or if I'm going to see him so that you are aware of me seeing him. I'm not going to hide the fact that I might end up being his friend. I'm just stunned by your behavior I've never seen you like this and I' m having a hard time understanding it Steve. I've just never seen you like this and it bothers me to say the least. I'll finish cleaning up this mess from dinner what little there is why don't you go and watch the TV and relax don't worry about this anymore and I won't talk about it anymore to you alright? I don't want us fighting over this it's not worth it right?" I tried to change my tone of voice and sound more upbeat and that I wasn't going to let it get to us.

"Whatever Mike but don't think that I'll change my mind over this one because I won't. he's a fucking jerk as far as I'm concerned and it bothers me that you don't see that. He's playing with you and I don't like it at all. And I don't like the fact that you can't see that." Now I was getting mad but I made a promise to myself in the hospital not to let my anger run my mouth anymore especially with Steve. But he was pushing me to my limit and I knew that I better leave the room and stay away from him for a little while so that I could regain my emotions and not let the anger take over.

"I'm only going to say this only one time to you. You're making me mad now because you're pushing the wrong buttons Steve. I am not stupid about people I'm a pretty judge of people it's part of my job reading people. And after talking to him for as long as I did I think I would know if he was being sincere or not, if he is lying then he's damned good at it and I'll be the first to admit I made a mistake. And if he's doing this to just set me up to hurt me as you seem to think then I will be the one to deal with him not you. I'm older now and not totally defenseless as you seem to think all of a sudden. And you're being childish to make the threat that you would kill him if he hurt me in anyway. First of all I'm not going to stand there this time and let him just back off and hit me. I'm not the kid I was back then I was afraid of him then because he always had his friends with him and I wasn't as sure of myself then as I am now. So if it would come down to it I'll defend myself before he gets the first punch in. But I'm not worried about that because I know that's not the situation. Now I suggest you go watch TV and not be here with me. I'm not going to turn this into a fight. So just leave me alone for a while."

"I swear to God sometimes you just don't think. All you want to see is the good in people and some people just give you a snow job and you believe them you're too gullible sometimes Mike and this is one of those times. I know Randy believe me...I know.." I could tell by the way he said it that he knew Randy somehow he knew him. But how, how did he know him what circumstances had they met under? This conversation just took on a new direction and I wasn't going to leave this alone not now.

"What do you mean you know this Randy? What's that supposed to mean Steve?"

"That's not what I meant by it when I said I know... I just meant..."

"No Steve the way you said I know Randy you meant it, you meant what you said when you said it. How do you know him Steve how do you know Randy? And don't lie to me do not. You better tell me how you met him."

"I told you that wasn't what I meant Michael." But he wasn't looking at me I knew he was lying he wasn't telling me something.

"Steve look at me look me in the eye and tell you never met him before this that you never talked to him before this, tell me Steve look at me and tell me." I was mad as hell now because I knew he lied to me. Why I didn't know and it didn't matter what mattered now was the truth I wanted to know the truth. All of a sudden Steve and I had a new problem he lied to me and I had never lied to him and as far as I knew he had never lied to me I began to wonder if that was true.

"I'm waiting Steve come on look at me." He was walking around in the kitchen and not looking at me. I knew that he knew Randy, he had talked to him before that day in the hospital when Randy came to see me. That meant Randy had also had lied to me? Why were the two of them lying to me?

"Mike it's not what you think. It's just that..."

"It's just what Steve? How long have you known him? What else am I supposed to think Steve ? And what do you think I'm thinking it is Steve? And I 'm sure you and he have talked now. I can tell by the way you're acting and you still haven't looked me in the eye and told me different. So tell me what I'm thinking if you know what I'm thinking is the wrong thing." I was

getting really pissed off now. I knew for a fact he had lied and that hurt I had never lied to him, never. I was hurt and I could feel in my gut how sick it was making me feel. I didn't want to even look at him anymore because I had the time to think how they knew each other. By the way he was acting and by what he said there was only one logical explanation to his behavior and why he didn't want me to have anything to do with Randy.

`Listen Mike I can explain I can make you understan...."

"No, no you can't Steve you can't even begin to make me understand anything right now. Because I realize now that you and him have been fucking each other. Isn't it Steve isn't that what you've been doing together? Fucking! The whole time I've been in the hospital you two must have been having a wonderful time in our bed laughing at me while I was laying in the hospital? The tears started to fall and I hated myself more than usual I didn't want to cry in front of him this not this time. I chocked back the tears I cut them off and wiped them off my face. I'd show him I wasn't going to break I'd show him I wasn't going to become unglued.

"It just happened it didn't mean anything it was only one time you have to believ....."

"You want me to fucking believe a fucking liar? The man I love went to bed with another man? What I wasn't enough? I wasn't good enough for you is that it? You thought since I was in the hospital that if would be okay to just have a little fun that I would never know? What Steve What?"

"Mike I'm sorry I hate myself for letting it happ.."

"You fucking bastard you lying fucking bastard! Why? Why? How could you do this to me? What? You figured you better line some one up in case I didn' t live through this. What was Randy your back up plan? And you knew who he was and what he meant in my life before I met you and you did it anyway? I just want to know who's idea was it for him to come to the hospital and see me."

"I don't know why he came to see you I didn't tell him to come to see you. I dont know what he was thinking or what he had in his mind. Youve got to believe me Mike you`ve got to."

"You know what Steve this hurts more than Randy hitting me like he did in high school This hurts more than all the insults that he ever said to me. He must have been laughing his ass off sitting there in the hospital and feeding me a line of shit. It's no wonder that you knew what kind of guy he was when you said it earlier to me. You knew real well because you were fucking him. Of all people to do this with. Did you go out of your way to get him in bed once you met him? How long did it take you to find him?"

"That's not fair Mike you don't know how it happened."

"What in the fuck is there to know Steve and who fucking cares how or why it happened I certainly don't fucking care I can tell you that much. What are you trying to say that if I knew how it happened it would make it okay because why it happened changes the fact that you fucked each other. I`d love to hear you try and explain that one to me to change my mind."

"You have every right to be mad at me Mike. ... I don't blame you for..."

"MAD? MAD? Oh Steve mad doesn`t even begin to explain how I feel. The first person that I ever loved who I thought loved me the first person I trusted with all my heart and soul I trusted you with my life without even blinking an eye when in reality you just used me to get a piece of ass until another one came along that you could fuck over to."

"That's not it at all, its not like that I didn't want this to happen I ... .."

"That's such a line of fucking bullshit Steve, if you didn't want it to happen then it wouldn`t have happened its that simple. You could have said no. What did he do rape you? The problem with that is that you can't rape the willing! Big powerful mister I'll fucking kill him if he hurts you... .bullshit Steve admit it Steve it was all bullshit. I know why you didn't want us to be friends because he was fucking you. What did he mess those plans up when he came to see me in the hospital. You didn't know he was coming to see me did you? That wasn't in the plans that you were making with him was it? And that's another reason you were so mad at him you wanted to kill him for another reason, you wanted to kill him because what he was going to tell me about you two that's why you're afraid of him meeting me another time because you were afraid he would tell me the truth."

"He was going to tell you because I told him that it couldn't go on that what happened that one time was a mistake that I should have never done anything with him in the first place Mike. I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how. He was the one that played me Mike. And I let him I dont know why I did it I knew the minute it was over I had made a mistake. And I told him that it was a mistake and it wasnt going to happen again." He dropped his head and just stood there not saying anything more he looked defeated but at that moment I didn't care I was furious with him and didn't care how bad he felt at that moment I wanted to hurt him worse than anything I wanted him to really hurt inside. Just like how my heart felt it was breaking I felt like I was being shredded to pieces. I yanked the gold chain from my neck and threw the chain and rings on the kitchen table and walked out leaving him standing there. I grabbed the car keys and started walking towards the front door before I left and turned to him and told him how I felt at that moment.

"You're a fucking god damned liar you're a piece of fucking scum asshole. I hope you fucking choke on his cock. Go see your new boyfriend Steve I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. Because I'll never trust you again as long as I live Steve, never." I could feel the tears beginning to start and I was damned if I was going to let him see me crying I wanted to go out the door with my head held up I wasn't going to let him see me crumble. I grabbed the door knob and pulled the door shut as hard as I could. I ran to my car got in and started the engine. I could see him opening the front door and coming towards me he was yelling for me to stop. I threw the car in reverse and stepped on the gas. I almost hit the car that was parked directly behind me. He was getting closer and I could hear him yelling for me to stop and wait for him he wanted to talk to me he didn't want me to leave. He kept yelling for me not to leave like this not to drive away. I watched him disappear in my rearview mirror and I began to sob harder. How could he have done this to me? How could he have hurt me so bad? This wasn't fair it just wasn't fair for this to happen not after what I had been through with the cancer. We had been through so much together. Since the first day I met him until that day in the shower. The first time we made love. I sobbed harder and the tears kept flowing. I hated him how could he have been so willing to just throw it all away with Randy? Randy fucking Randy Crawford the one person that he had to go and fuck with. Steve was right I had been gullible I believed him and I knew I shouldn't have Steve was right I just wanted to see the good in people and this time I let him fuck with my head. I believed everything that mother fucking cock sucker said to me. I'll never trust anyone like that again. Yea right everything happens for a reason right the reason this time was to teach me a lesson in life about not trusting anyone that pretends that want to be your friend. All I could do was see his face laughing at me all I could see was Randy Crawford sitting in that chair in the hospital talking to me and then laughing. And Steve standing behind him holding his hand the two of them together just laughing at me. I was so hurt I couldn't think anymore I couldn't think straight I couldn't see straight and all I felt was I hurt I was. The only man I ever loved had been a joke he had used me to have his fun. I couldn't stop crying no matter how hard I tried.

I never saw the car that hit me broad side as I ran the red light. I remember being pushed towards the passenger side door. I felt the snap in my left leg right before the cars came to a stop and I remember feeling the ungodly pain that began to radiate through out my body. And I remember reaching up to feel the blood that was starting to run down my forehead and into my eyes. I got light headed and I thought thinking that Dr. Grisales wasn't going to be happy to see me like this not after he had gotten me back together and sent me home in a healthy state.