Steve and Mike

If your not 18 you shouldn't be reading this come back when you're old enough. This story contains sex between two males without the use of condoms. I

strongly urge any male out there having sex with anyone to use condoms. Being safe is the only way to play and live a healthy life without the fear of std's. Be smart. Be safe. If you enjoy this story let me know I am enjoying writing this and might continue with some more of this story and what happens between Mike and Steve. All rights belong to the author. Contact me at Aragon76@aol.com (mailto:Aragon76@aol.com) with comments thoughts and suggestions you might have. Enjoy if nothing else! Thanks in advance to any and all replies they mean a lot to me and my writing ideas.

Steve put his hand out to open the door but the door handle turned and opened before he had the chance to grab it. The door swung open and before me was a townhouse full of people. No one screamed surprise and no one hooray but there was a round of applause as I was ushered into the room by my other half. I was surprised to see all of them standing there looking at me I didn't know what to do so Steve helped me out by nudging me in the back and pushing me forward. I walked into the living room where most people seem to be they had a seat for me and I was ushered to sit down in it. Steve looked at and smiled as tired as I felt a few moments ago a new energy seem to bubble up from within and all of a sudden I felt like a million bucks. I didn 't know for sure who was behind this but I had this nagging feeling that it was him. I'd have to think of a way to thank him later somewhere in between the sheets preferably. Everyone gave me a few minutes to settle in and someone was nice enough to get me something to drink. Sitting there in those minutes I looked around the room to see who all was here. I could see Steve 's family was here, people from work where here including my boss and his wife and my family was here at least my sister was here I didn't see my brother but I thought maybe he was in the kitchen or somewhere else in the house. I know when I walked in that I had seen several people in the kitchen and I knew I saw people walking into the den, so he could be anywhere and I just hadn't seen him yet. The noise of the crowd finally settled down and grew quiet everyone was looking at me. I was beginning to realize that they were waiting for me to say something, what I wasn't sure.

"I want to thank all of you for coming here today. You don't know how much this means to me to see all of you here. To say I'm surprised is an understatement to put it mildly. I'm assuming that most of you know what's going on by now. But raise your hands if you need to get caught up on the latest prognosis of my newly emptied brain." No one really raised their hands but I heard a few comments of who heard what last and they weren't sure what the latest news was. So I decided to give them all a quick synopsis.

"Just so everyone is on the same page I'll tell you anyway that way you' ve all heard the latest piece of information. The doctors are happy with the

way surgery went and they feel that they got it all. The put that capsule thing in my brain for the chemo and they feel that if there was anything left that the chemo should get the last of anything that's in there. In about two weeks maybe three they will do some more MRI's to see if anything is left. If that is the case they will try radiation treatments. And then we will go from there, but as I said up to this point every thing looks good. I want to thank all of you for the cards and flowers that you have sent to me. I'm going to tell you that all the flowers that were sent I left at the hospital to be sent to some elderly patients that were there and weren't getting visitors or flowers of their own, I hope you don't mind that I did that. I didn't want to see them go to waste just sitting here in this house just for me to watch them die. I know that those that got them were cheered up to see fresh flowers being given to them. So I thank you for cheering me up with them and for letting me cheer them up from you." There was a round of applause and agreement that I had done the right thing by leaving the flowers there.

"One other thing that I will ask you and explain to you at the same time. If you want to talk to me that's great, but please come sit next to me one at a time. I still hard a hard time trying to talk to more than one person at a time, its one of the side effects of the tumor the doctors assured me that within a few more weeks that this will go away and I won't have this problem any more. So just be patient with me when we are talking I get confused easily and I don't want to hear any comments from that. Another side effect is me trying to concentrate on one thing for to long I have a hard time doing that. Again no snide remarks from the peanut gallery, I can hear you all snickering in the background. My hearing hasn't gone yet. With all that being said let the party begin and I'll just sit here and wait for you all to take turns to come and talk to me."

And so the parade of guests began one by one they came and sat next to me and talked to me. I was surprised to see some of my coworkers here and was surprised to hear that they thought Steve and I being together was a good thing and that I had their support in the matter. One of them told me that one of the regulars had told them it was my brother who was going around telling everyone hoping to get me in trouble. They also informed me that he told Bob Johnson, Bob happens to be a cop that we had become friends with outside the restaurant. Seems Bob set my brother straight about going around and saying things that might get him in trouble with some of his police friends if he kept it up. He suggested Roy might get stopped more frequently if he persisted with running his mouth, he reminded him how expensive tickets get when you get to many. I had to remember to thank Bob the next time that I saw him. My boss and his wife both sat down with me but kept it short they said they didn't want to break the rule about one person at a time. He assured me that I still had a job when I was better and was ready to go back to work. He also assured me that my health insurance would not be cancelled because I was not working and that he would pay my portion of the insurance until I was back and working full time. It was relief to know that I didn't have to pay that bill I was grateful and told him so. He and his wife both thanked me for all the work I had done helping them open the restaurant in the first place. If I hadn't done the paper work and set things up the way I had it would have been almost impossible for him to have stepped back into working the restaurant full time without my record keeping. And so the flow of people went and slowly and surely the crowd began to wane and soon we were down to just a few family members. Steve finally came up and sat down next to me in the guest chair.

"How you holding up there bucko? Are you tired do you need something? Are you hungry for anything? Do you need any of your pills for your head?"

"Slow down with the questions will you. First of all I'm holding up pretty good, I am feeling a little tired but I'm doing okay. I could use something cold to drink and with that drink I could use one of those head pills they gave me to relax. As far as something to eat I'm a little hungry but not

sure for what or how much right now, give me a little longer and maybe then we can think more about food and something solid to eat okay?"

"Let me get that for you and I'll be back in a minute." Mrs. C. sat down next I hadn't talked to her all day.

"Your looking good but I think a little tired don't over do yourself, Bud and I are going to leave in a few minutes is there anything you need me to

do while we are here? Do you want me to run to the grocery store for you before we leave? I'm not sure what to get but if you and Steve sit for a minute and make a list Bud and I will go and pick up whatever you need."

"Oh Mrs. C.. you would have to talk to Steve about that I don't know what 's even here I haven't seen the inside of fridge since the night I fell down the stairs. But give me a few minutes he's coming back with something for me to drink and a pill for me to take I'll ask him then and have him tell you if anything, but thank you for asking, you don't have to do that you know."

"First you have to stop calling me Mrs. C. you should be calling me Mom you've been around long enough to begin with and soon you will be part of the family.. Well you know what I mean by that. So I know I don't have to do it, but I want to so stop arguing with me and tell Stephen Alan to make me a

list."

"Stephen Alan..oohhh..that means he's in trouble if he doesn't. Can I tell him that?"

"Yes tell him I used both of his given names and he knows what that means when I do, so there will be no back talk and no hemming or hawing just make a list or I might just go and fill the basket with random items and heavens knows what I might come back with." She had me laughing the way she was talking to me.

"The minute he gets back I promise to do my part I don't want you calling me by my given names I don't want to be in trouble with you!" By now the both of us were laughing and Steve was coming back into the room carrying my drink in one hand and he had the pill bottle in his other hand.

"What are you two laughing about so much? I have a feeling that it isn't any good or somehow I'm going to be the one in trouble."

"I'll tell you this much she used your first and middle name. And with that in mind I am to tell you to make a list for the grocery store because your mother and father are going to the grocery store before they go home and

it's either make the list or get whatever she pulls off the shelf and brings us. Keep in mind she used Stephen Alan together in one sentence." Now I had him laughing to. He got up and held up his one finger to signal that I was to wait a minute while he went and got a piece of paper to make that list. Mom just smiled at me while she waited. We made a list in record time and tried to keep it short but I had a feeling that they would be back with a carload of things we didn't ask for. My father finally made his way to my quest chair I was happy to see him sit down next to me.

"Don't over due yourself the first day that you get back here Mike, I don 't want to see you going back to the hospital."

"Don't worry Dad I won't as you can see everyone is really leaving and most already have I'm sure it won't be to much longer and the house will be empty except for Steve and I and maybe Gary if he's staying here tonight. I want to thank you for coming today I was happy to see you here I'm sorry that we didn't get time to talk much." I really meant it I was sorry that we hadn't time to talk while he was here not that it would have been some deep conversation but just the same even a conversation about nothing would have been good I thought.

"Is there anything you two need before we leave?"

"Before you and Mom leave? I thought Mom was staying here for the next couple of days?

"Not that I know of but if you want your mother to stay I'm sure she will. She'll just have to go home and get some things so that she can stay here."

"No no that's okay, I must have misunderstood Steve when he said something earlier to me about Mom that's all." I was going to kill him he led me to believe that she was going to stay here, no he out and out lied about her

staying here. He told me that it was going to be for a few days that she would be here to take care of me. When I get my hands on him I am going to really let him have it. About that time Steve turned the corner with a plate of food for me.

"Here I just made a few things for you to snack on in case your hungry you don't have to eat it all."

"Oh Steve you shouldn't have, guess what Steve I was just talking to my father and he was telling me how he AND my mother would be leaving in a few minutes! I told my father that I must have misunderstood something you said

about my mother staying here." I was being sarcastic talking to him but he knew what I meant.

"I can explain about that later, okay.....I didn't mean ...... oh forget it we 'll talk about it later Babe." He was smirking the whole time knowing that I was going to kill him for what he had done and had me believing earlier. And just about that time I realized that he had used the Babe in front of my father. I slowly turned to try and read the expression on my fathers face. I wasn't sure what to think of his expression, I just couldn't read it this time.

"Anyway Michael I just wanted to know if you need us to go to the grocery store or something at least let us do that for you. If you two make a list we'll be more than happy to go get some things for you. I want to make sure that you have enough food in the house to keep your strength up and keep yourself healthy." All of a sudden I didn't want to tell him no and I didn' t want to tell him why.

"That's okay Dad, I'll tell you what, you come next Saturday and pick me up and you can take me to the grocery store and fill my fridge then how's that?" I don't know why I just didn't have the heart to tell him that Steve' s parents were already there buying groceries for us. Not after he already knew about the money they had given us to. I wanted him to think that his idea of going grocery shopping was a good one. The fences had just been mended with him and I and I didn't want to take a chance of them getting broken again not at this time. I didn't want to lose the ground that we had made since he found out about me being gay. I guess I was still looking for his approval with my life and his approval of me.

"Well if that's what you want then next Saturday I'll pick you up and I' ll take you shopping. Make a list of anything you want and don't worry about the cost I want you to have a full fridge and full pantry you hear me? Sit down with Steve and make up a good one okay Mike?" I wasn't going to let him down no matter what I wasn't going to let him down.

"All right Dad I look forward to going, it'll be just you and I so don't bring Mom and we'll go out for lunch if you want to, my treat I insist." He got up and motioned for my mother it was time to leave. She left Steve standing in the doorway to the kitchen and headed towards my father and I.

"Thanks for coming Mom I'm sorry we didn't have the time to talk, why don 't you stop by one day this week after work for a few minutes and we'll sit and have tea, well you'll have tea and I'll have coffee?" I wanted her to feel like I might need her for some reason I wanted her to know that I loved her for being my mother. They were gone a few minutes later and so was every one else the house was quiet with Steve and I there. Gary and Eileen had left and he wasn't coming back until tomorrow when he had to work.

"I hear Bob told my brother in a nice way that he should and would be better off if he kept his mouth shut about you and I. Next time I see him I must remember to thank him for being so kind and watching out for you and I guess it's nice to have friends in the right places."

"Yea, I heard something in the wind about that to. I wonder if that's why your brother hasn't been around lately or has come to see you in the hospital. He would have to be driving around and with the police around town he might be a little hesitant about showing his car and face in town." We both sort of laughed over the whole thing.

I wondered where my brother was at this particular moment and what he was up to. And sadly I was glad that he wasn't around me or near me for now I didn't want him in my life for awhile not after the things that he had done to make my life miserable. They say that every dog has its day as far as I

was concerned I was having mine. But I knew I hadn't heard the last of him some where along the line and down the road he'd be back in my life but next time I was going to have my guard up and never again would I trust him. But for now I had other things to do and think about he was for another time in my life.

"Hey you in there you seem like you're a million miles away there bucko."

He was right I was.

"No I was just relaxing for a second or two. What are we going to do now, I'm a little more hungry than I was earlier. How about we order out and have it delivered that way no one has to cook. I haven't had a good pizza lately how about that for dinner?"

"Sounds good you call and I'll do some clean up of this mess."

"I'll help you right after I make the call and we'll get this place cleaned up in no time."

"You aren't cleaning anything mister, your sitting down and relaxing and concentrating on getting better remember?" I did remember I just wanted to get up and do something I had been sitting all day now and I was getting restless. How was I going to handle sitting down all down while he was at work. There was no way I could sit here all day and just watch television and what else was there to do but that if I couldn't get up and do things.

"Steve listen to me I've got to do something I can't just sit here all day and do nothing or I'll go crazy in no time."

"Stop your whining Mike it isn't going to change my mind about it. You know how I feel about you doing anything right now maybe in a few weeks the doctor will think differently but for now its time to sit your ass on the couch. This is not up for discussion or debate so don't try and don't think your going to con your way out of it either. Because I'm not going to listen to any argument that you may think up to try and change my mind. And oh yea, threatening me that you might deprive me of sex won't work and trying to over sex me will only bring me great pleasure but you still won't win, you'll still going to be sitting on that couch when the sex is over."

"OH your impossible you know that, I don't like you right now go away and don't talk to me your useless to me. What do you want on your pizza? And just for aggravating me I'm going to order anchovies on the pizza!"

"You won't get to kiss me if you do, so order as many as you like Babe!"

"You're a pain in my ass mister a real pain in my ass."

"Yep but you love me anyway and I know it."

"Alright I'm sitting on the couch and ordering the pizza in a few minutes. And since I have to sit here mister I could use a cold drink if you wouldn't mind PLLLEEEAASSEEE!" And that was the beginning of my staying home and resting and recovering. The days dragged by and each day I was feeling a little sicker. I didn't tell Steve but I think he knew. I was arguing less about sitting on the couch and leaving a mess in the kitchen so when he got home there was things for him to clean up. We weren't having sex because I just didn't want to I wasn't feeling like it either. He was being good and cleaning everything up and helping me more with getting around and taking showers. But when I could hardly walk from being sick he knew he had to take care of me.

"Why didn't you tell me you were getting this sick Michael, I would have had someone come in to help you. Your mother as much as you don't want her here would be more than happy to help. Will you let me call her and let her come to be here? Please don't argue with me or give me a hard time Baby I want you to have help here while I'm at work I don't want you left alone. Right now I'm going to call the doctor and see if they can prescribe anything to help you not be so sick or something that will at least make you a little more comfortable. First I'm going to get you in bed now lets go."

"All right Steve all right, you win, call the doctor for me and then call my mother ask her if she'll come and stay for a few days. But just for a few Steve, promise me that you will tell her it's just for a few days like two for now."

"Okay okay I will tell her to come for two days." He got me to the bathroom and stripped my clothes off me and started the shower he got undressed and walked me into the shower. He was slow and washed me all over it took all I had to finish before he walked me out and dried me off. He sat me back down and went to the bedroom to get some shorts and a t-shirt for me to wear. I got myself dressed at least I could do that but the shower wiped me out. I crawled into bed and asked him to get me the pills for my head it was really bothering me for some reason. He pulled the covers up over me and made sure I was comfortable.

"I'll be back in a few minutes let me make those phone calls." I don't know how long he had been gone I had drifted off to sleep right after he left the room.

"I talked to your mother and she will be here in the morning to help you, she said she's not going to spend the night but would stay with you everyday while I'm at work. So you won't have to put up with her day and night okay? The doctor is going to call in a prescription for you to help you feel a little better he said it won't make you feel like one hundred percent but you'll feel better. I'm going to go the pharmacy and pick it up are you going to be okay while I'm gone? I nodded my head I didn't feel like talking to him at the moment. I was just feeling tired.

"I'll be back Babe I'll be right back just hang in there until I get back." He kissed my forehead and almost ran out the door and down the stairs. I

closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep for a few minutes. A few minutes later I was off the bed and stumbled my way to the bathroom I made it to the toilet and began losing anything that was left in my stomach. He found my laying there on the floor still holding onto my stomach when he woke me up.

"I'm calling the doctor Mike this isn't good this can't be right."

"Did you get the medicine Steve?"

"Yes."

"Give it to me and let me take it and then we'll wait and see if I feel better, if I do then we won't have to call the doctor if I don't feel better than we will call him. Let's just wait and see if this will help."

"All right, I'll give you two hours no more than that then we'll make a decision." He kept his word and gave me two hours and I did feel a lot better. At least I could sit up and not feel like I was going to throw up and I could walk without feeling like I was going to fall down.

I went to sleep that night and slept the night without interruption and I felt better in the morning that I had the night before. My mother arrived just in time to Steve leave for work. She and I spent the talking and resting I stayed on the couch all day I wanted to feel better for when Steve got home. We didn't discuss anything important but we talked all day just the same. By the time Steve got home I was in better spirits and had color back in my face. He was delighted to see me looking and feeling better. My mother left and said she would return in the morning to take over. We repeated this little play for another few days and I felt better everyday by the end of the week I was feeling like my old self. I missed the shopping day with my father but I wanted to make it up to him and so I called him to ask if he would take me the following day I knew he worked and I asked him if he wouldn't mind taking the day off to spend it with me. To my surprise he agreed and told me that he would pick me up in the morning and we would go shopping and out to lunch. I was looking forward to spending the time with him. I was ready when he arrived to pick me up.

"Good morning Dad how are you?"

"I'm good the real question is how are you this morning? I've been told by your mother that you weren't looking to good a few days ago. You look pretty good now."

"She was right a few days ago but the doctor gave me some medicine that seemed to work pretty good. So I wanted to take you up on that shopping trip to the grocery store. Besides that I haven't been out since I got home from

the hospital I'm starting to go a little stir crazy sitting in the house for so long."

"Well I can take care of that this morning, would you like to do anything else while we're out? I don't want to get you to tired, your mother warned me to not over do anything with you and don't take you out for to long. But mother's don't know everything all the time, some times a guy just has to get out and do what he wants for the hell of it."

"Dad are you trying to get me in trouble by corrupting me?" We both laughed because we knew that my mother would pitch a fit if she heard my father saying this to me. She wanted him to pick me up take me to the store and take me home so that I was back on the couch as soon as possible.

"Because if you are, then I'm all for it, please corrupt me while you can!"

"Your wish is my command sir where ever you'd like to go we shall!" And with that in mind off we went and the first place we went was the grocery store just like we had planned. We walked up and down the isles I had made a list and was getting the things I needed and he would keep picking other things up asking me if I or Steve would like whatever it was that he had in his hand. By the time we were done about half of the basket were things that he had picked up and threw in and the other half was what we actually needed at the house. He loved paying for all of it, it made him feel like he was really doing some thing for me. I was grateful that he had taken me. We left there and he thought it would be a good idea to stop by the butcher shop. I never went to the butcher shop I always just bought our meat at the grocery store. But he wanted to fill the freezer for Steve and I and he told me that straight out. I was a little surprised to say the least but I didn 't argue with me this is what he wanted to do from the start. I didn't want to say anything about what Steve's parents had done for us I knew my father well enough to know that he would feel like he had to do one better then them and I didn't want that to happen. I wasn't in the mood to watch my father have a pissing contest with the Craigen's it wasn't necessary to begin with but mostly it wasn't going to prove anything to anyone. We spent almost an hour in the butcher shop and when we were done I insisted that we go back to the house and unload everything and then we would go to lunch. I told him that since he had done everything at the grocery store and the butcher that I was the one that was going to treat for lunch. I knew it was never going to happen but I wanted him to know that I appreciated what he had

done that morning, it was the only thing I could think of as a way of saying thank you. He laughed at my attempt to tell him that I was paying for lunch.

"You haven't paid for anything this morning and that was my intention Michael. I wanted to give this to you and Steve I really wanted to take you out and spend some time with you not just spend money on you. I can do that any time but since I found out about the tumor I've just wanted to spend time with you. I know that we had our problem with the gay issue but it seems to be unimportant any more. I just want to spend time with you and I'll do whatever it takes right now to have that time. So don't think for a minute that you are going to pay for lunch because your not. Now let's get to the house and get these groceries put away and then go have lunch we've been looking at food for awhile now and I don't know about you but I'm getting hungry." He stunned me by his admission I hadn't expected any of it not one word of anything he had said. I began to really look forward to our lunch together. It didn't take long to put the food away except it took a little bit of time to get all the meat put into the freezer. I got it all in and wondered how long it was going to take us to eat all that was there.

"You and Mom are going to have to come to dinner a few times in order to help use up some of this meat you just bought. I feel like we just bought the butcher home here with us, I think if the butcher runs low he could call us. Thanks Dad, thanks for stocking us up you don't know how much Steve and I appreciate you and Mom doing this."

"Don't worry about it that's what parents are for. For when you run into a storm and have to face some tough weather. We're here to make sure you weather it okay." Always the one to compare life to the seas somehow. But that was his thing that's what comes from being in the Navy for more than twenty five years. All I could do was reach over and hug him. He isn't the hugging kind but he put his arms around me and we just stood in the kitchen and didn't say a thing to each other for a few minutes. We let go of each other and finished putting things away.

"I'm starving Dad where do you want to go for lunch? What are you hungry for today?" Oh no I'm not picking where that's your pick I'm the one that

gets to pay so it's your choice little buddy." He hadn't called me that in years it was a name that my father had bestowed upon me when I was about eight and for several years he didn't call me by my name, he would always just call me little buddy. About the time I entered high school is when he must have thought that I had out grown the name. It made me feel good to hear him call me that again after so long. Lunch was wonderful and I over ate. We finished the meal with a cup of coffee and a little bit of small talk.

"I want to thank you again Dad for everything this morning and for lunch I had a wonderful time all day. We haven't spent any time together like t his in a few years. I can't remember the last time that you and I sat down and

had lunch together. We should do it again and soon, how about next week we do the same thing but next time we won't go shopping first we'll just go to lunch just the two of us, what do you say? I could see in his eyes that he was getting teary eyed and I didn't want this to go in that direction.

"You know what I'll do? Next week I'll make lunch instead of us going out that way you won't have to spend any money. Lunch will really be on me next week, how's that sound?" I caught him just in time and by talking right away it gave him the time he needed to compose himself.

"Your on but only under one condition."

"I'm almost afraid to ask knowing you but what condition would that be Dad?"

"If it's not to much work for you and I mean that if it isn't that much for you to do or if your to tired to make ....."

"Dad! Just tell me what you want, what's this condition?"

" Will you make that shrimp dish that I like so much, you know the one with the orange sauce on it?" I started to laugh I couldn't believe that he wanted me to make that dish for him. It was a dish I taught myself to make when I still lived at home and was being creative in the kitchen one night for dinner. I messed up the original recipe but in doing so I created another dish all together and my parents loved it. For a while after that we were eating it about once a week and finally I told them that I refused to make it anymore.

"Not a problem if that's what you want then that's what I'll make. Hey listen Steve will be home soon do you want to stick around and visit or do you have to head home for Mom. I know she had said something about you two going somewhere I think but I don't remember if that's today or tomorrow that she was talking about."

"It is today we're supposed to go to the Jarvey's for cocktails and then we'll probably be playing cards. Just what I want to do tonight, play cards

with Dave's wacko wife! I swear that woman is a total nut job Michael I don 't know how he puts up with that broad." It was rare to hear my father refer to a woman like that it wasn't usually in his nature to speak like that.

"DAD! How can you say that I thought she was really nice the last time I talked to her." I knew he was right she really was wacko but I just wanted to tease him. We both got to laughing over the whole thing we were interrupted by the door being opened Steve was home from work.

"Hey Babe I'm home!" He yelled out and walked into the kitchen to realize that my father was still here evidently he hadn't seen my father's car out in the parking lot.

"Mr. Mathews I didn't know you were still here I thought you'd be home by now. How has the patient been behaving today? He hasn't over done it has he?" By this time Steve had come up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders giving me a quick shoulder rub while he stood there talking to my father.

"He's been alright but I've had to put a leash on him a few times." My father had a twinkle in his eye as he looked at me and smiled.

"He's lying Steve I've been the perfect patient, he's the one that's needed to be put on a leash a few times. Wait until you look in the fridge and

freezer and the pantry. We won't need to shop until about three months from now.." Steve opened the fridge and freezer and whistled out loud.

"Man oh man are we going to open a grocery store in the neighborhood anytime soon?"

"All right you two that's enough of that sarcastic shit, I have not gone overboard I just made sure you had a few selections to pick from this week that's all I did." We all laughed at his admission of guilt in over spending and over stocking our food supply.

"Well I just wanted to make sure your alright Michael that's all. Listen guys, I better head out the door and get home your mother is going to be calling soon and wondering where the hell I am. Steve take care of him this week I'll be coming for lunch next week and he's promised to make one of my favorite dishes and I don't want to be disappointed. So make sure he stays healthy like you have been. I want to thank you Steve for taking care of him like you have he's looking good and healthy and sounds healthy more importantly. So whatever your doing keep up the good work I approve." I was surprised to hear him talk to Steve the way he was, my father really was changing the way he felt about the two of us I could tell. I suddenly felt like my father understood me and although he might not approve of our relationship whole heartedly at least he was making an attempt to make us feel like he was okay with it. I walked him to the door and gave him a hug.

"I love you Dad and I'll see you next week this time for lunch. Don't tell Mom what I'm making or she'll want to come along, but I'll make enough for you to take some home for her to have to." With that my Dad was out the door.

"How are you hot shot I've missed you today and have been thinking about you all day."

"You have?" He was putting his arms around me and was leading me into the living room.

"Yes Steve I have and you know what I've come to the conclusion that you and I have not been able to have sex for a long time."

"Really? You've been thinking that have you? And pray tell do you think that we should do about that Babe?"

"Several ideas did come to mind I just was having a hard time deciding on which course of action to take to remedy the problem."

"Would you care to share these ideas with me or should I take the matters in my own hands and decide which course of action we should pursue?" He had the sexiest smirk on his face and I just wanted to put my arms around him and hold him tight against me.

"Perhaps we could mutually come to a conclusion as to which course of action should be taken in this matter Studly. I'm sure that two intelligent human beings like us should be able to form some kind of conclusion."

"Oh Babe I love the way you talk to me like this I swear I'm getting a hard on just listening to you."

"Would you mind if I check to see that what your thinking is correct or would you like to check yourself Big Boy? And I do mean big, Big Boy." I was having fun with our conversation of sexual banter that was going on between us it really was turning me on. Then again having gone more than a week and a half without sex, a warm breeze across my nipples would make me hard at this point in time.

"I think it would be better if perhaps you check the current situation and I'll go by your observation and analysis."

"I think without to much exploration into the problem that our current position of being in direct bodily contact I've determined that you are indeed showing a heightened state of arousal mister."

"And in coming to this determination Babe what would you propose or recommend that we do in order to eliminate this problem that you seem to have given to me?"

"I believe that you are not alone and that you in turn have also bestowed upon me the same condition that you seem to suffer from. Perhaps I could recommend that we mutually agree to assist each other and relieve the tension that is causing this dilemma."

"But Babe the question remains is how were going to solve the problem." The banter between us had given us time to go from the living room where the conversation started and up the stairs to the landing and the entrance to our bedroom. I was trying not to laugh because he was continually sticking his fingers into my sides in a spot that tends to be ticklish on me.

"Might I suggest that we go into our bedroom Steve Studly and remove each others clothing and see what develops from there. Would you agree with this

suggestion?" Before he could answer I couldn't hold back any longer and I began to laugh and I couldn't help it, it was one of those laughs that once you get started its hard not only to stop but the worse it gets. It was not the time to be like this and yet I could not stop myself and the harder I tried the harder I laughed. After a few minutes I finally was able to get control of myself.

"I'm sorry Steve I don't know what caused that I just couldn't help it. I think it started when I realized that I had just called you Steve Studly and thought to myself that I had just found your perfect nickname from me. >From now on you'll be Steve Studly, Mr. Steve Studly, he looked at me like I had three heads and I couldn't help it but I just had to laugh to myself all over again.

"All right no more I won't say it again but that's your pet nickname from now on."

"Now that you have that out of your system Babe, I have a serious problem that you have given me and I am desperate to have it taken care of and at the same time take care of the same desperate situation that you have." He took me by the hand and led me to our bed and pulled the sheets and covers down. He took my t-shirt that I was wearing by the bottom hem and pulled it up and over my head. I took his shirt and untucked from his pants and began to unbutton his shirt and slowly push it back off his shoulders. He took by belt and loosened it and unsnapped my Levi's and pulled down the zipper peeling back the material from my engorged penis. The elastic of my underwear was pulling away from my body. I unsnapped his pants and peeled his pants away from his cock I took the elastic of his underwear and the material from his pants and pulled them both down to his ankles he picked up one leg and I removed his pants and then he lifted the other leg and I removed his pants. I ran my hands up the side of his legs and up to his hips and stood all the way up. He leaned over and repeated the process on me the only difference was that once he removed my pants he took a few moments to kiss my cock and balls before he stood up and reached out for me to walk into his arms. He sat down on the bed and pulled me towards him. With his other hand he reached for his pillow to lean it against the headboard. He realized that there was a piece of paper underneath his pillow and picked it up to unfold it. I had put it there earlier not knowing that we would be here at this time. I wanted him to forget about it.

"Let's leave that go for now you can look at that later, it's just a little something I wrote to you so that you would find it when we went to bed tonight. It's nothing really Steve, can't we just forget it for now?"

"No Babe, you have me curious now I want to know what it is. Or just tell me and then I'll put it down."

"I can't it's just something I wrote to you for you to find as a little surprise. Come on I'm horny let's forget it now and I'll read it to you later."

"Just hold on one second and let me read it and then we'll pick up right where we left off just now. Obviously you wrote something that was meant for me because you left it under my pillow, so now you have me curious as to what it says." He unfolded the paper and began to read what I had written to him. I had done it while I was in the hospital I was just waiting for the right moment to give it to him. I was thinking that tonight when we went to bed it would help set the mood for us to do some lovemaking since we hadn' t had sex for the past week and a half or two it had been a while so I was beginning to wonder how long it had been. He started to read it out loud to me even though I knew what it said.

Walk into my heart And breath deep, All that I have to give Is yours to take.

Walk into my heart And hold still, And know that our love Is for us to share.

Walk into my heart And close your eyes, And think of me now I am because of you.

Walk into my heart And never leave, And know that I have Felt your touch.

Walk into my heart And just know That you are my friend, You are my lover, And that I would be lost without you.

"You wrote this for me?" He had tears in his eyes and it melted my heart.

"Yes Steve I wrote that for you for all the things that you've been doing for me and the way you've taken care of me. It's just a little something that's all."

"It's more than a little something to me Michael. It's way more that just a little something. Come here and lay down." He stood up and turned me towards his place in our bed and let me lay down. He looked at me and lightly ran his fingers up my leg and past my cock and continued up my stomach to my chest and to my neck and up to my face. He sat down next to me and stroked my forehead lightly feeling what little peach fuzz of hair that had grown since they had shaved it off. I took his hand and placed it on my mouth and kissed the inside of his palm. I kept kissing his hand working my way up his finger tips and then I sucked his middle fingers into my mouth. I worked his fingers as if it was his penis in my mouth. I reached down with my other hand and held his prick in my hand and I as sucked his fingers I stroked his cock slowly and gently. In that short time I had missed his touch and I wanted him to know what it meant to me that we where here now. I took my hand off his cock and took hold of his wrist and held it shoving his hand into my mouth like it was his cock. I began to use two hands to shove his hand and fingers in and out of my mouth. My mouth was getting wet from the saliva around his fingers. I took his hand from my mouth and held it as I directed his hand and fingers to my crotch. I opened my legs and placed his fingers at my hole. He looked into my eyes and knew what I wanted nothing needed to be said between us he knew what I wanted, And I wanted it in me in the worse way. I needed his lovemaking as much as I needed his ability to fuck me without mercy. He leaned down towards me and looked directly into my eyes.

"Are you sure that's what you want? Are you sure your ready for that Michael?" I just nodded my consent I couldn't talk anymore. I was hungry for what he was going to give me a hunger that needed to be fed. I let go of his

hand and there was complete silence between us as he gently placed his fingers at my entrance. I could feel that he had two fingers resting there I looked into his eyes and mouthed to him that I loved him. He shoved two fingers into my tight opening and held his hand still while his fingers probed the inside of me looking for the button that made my world explode when he touched it. He ran his fingers over it back and forth on and off back and forth I wiggled with his movements pushing down on his fingers to get more of them in. The assault on my prostate lasted several minutes but not long enough for me. He withdrew his fingers and crawled up on the bed pushing my knees towards my chest and scooting his body up as close as he could to mine. His held his cock in his hand and lined the head of it directly at my opening. He looked down at me again and took my dick in his hand and wrapped his fingers around it and roughly pumped his hand up and down keeping a tight hold of my cock the entire time. He looked into my eyes and smiled sweetly and sincerely.

"I love you Michael with all my heart I'm in love with you. Are you sure it's what you want?" I just nodded my head in consent again and said nothing. He leaned in towards me and I could feel his cock beginning to push at my opening and he leaned further in and pushed hard until his pubic bone smacked against mine. I threw my head back and clenched the sheets into my hands that were like white balls my fingernails dug into the tender flesh of the palms of my hands. He was motionless against me and his cock felt like a spike of hot granite steel pushing hard against my prostate. His face dropped to mine and he began to kiss my face with small kisses from eyelids to my chin. From jugular vein on my neck to the center of my adams apple. He traced his tongue in between kisses around my chin and up the length of my jaw. And he began to slowly rock back and forth inside of me not pulling out and not pushing in it was just a small rocking motion. The pace began to increase ever so slowly and gently he pulled out and pushed in. He pushed he rocked he pulled out and he licked the length of my neck and kissed the side of my face. His pace continued and his moving motion didn't stop with the head of his cock rubbing over and over again on my prostate. I held onto him and stroked his back with one hand and with the other I pinched his nipple from gently to roughly I worked on his nipples. And he slowly picked up his pace and his gentleness got rougher his lust and hunger for my body grew bigger. His cock began to swell more inside me his kisses on my neck turned to small bites on my shoulders. And his words were whispered in my ears. He told me that he loved me he told me that he needed me he told me that he couldn't live without me. He needed to be inside me, he wanted to be inside me. He told me over and over again and his pace was growing his hunger was getting bigger and the love in his eyes was wild with passion. I held him tighter I held his ass in my hands and kneaded his globes of flesh with my fingers I racked his back with my fingernails as he began to pound at my hole harder and faster. I could feel the sensation in my balls fueling my hunger for what I wanted him to give me.

"Your so fucking good to me Steve you know just what I need. You know how to take care of my hunger for you." I wanted him more and more my need to cum was getting stronger. I wanted to cum and I didn't want him to stop the fucking he was giving me. I didn't want to stop this lovemaking.

"Make me cum make me cum Steve do it make me cum." I was begging him for that. I wanted to cum without touching myself and he knew how to make me do

that. He could bang against my prostate hard enough and long enough to make me cum without touching myself. I loved that he could do that to me. And he began to make it happen.

"Cum for me Baby, cum for me. When I tell you to cum I want you to cum do you hear me?" I was in his control and would do as he asked. He could make me cum with the beating of my prostate and the tone of his voice he could command me to cum without being touched. He kept telling me that he was going to make it happen.

"Soon Baby soon don't cum yet don't you dare cum yet I want to keep fucking your ass so bad and so hard." He was driving hard he was driving his cock so hard without stopping he continued his assault on my hole and my mind.

"Get ready Baby get ready when I say it you will do it. When I whisper that one word in your ear I want you to explode. Are you ready Baby?" I shook my head to let him know that I was. I was drenched with sweat and so was he my hands were almost sliding up and down his back as I attempted to hold on to him. I could hear his breathing getting shorter his pounding getting harder. He leaned down into me again and started licking my ear.

"Get your Baby get ready I want you to ............ now cumm for me baby cum." And I exploded all over myself the more he told me to cum the more my cock spewed ropes of white semen on my chest and stomach. I was groaning with pleasure and being racked with spasms of orgasmic overload. I was almost convulsing from my orgasm.

"Yes Steve Yes, don't stop keep fucking me fuck me harder. Come on Big Boy, do it do it some more to me. This is so good you're so good to me. Give it to me give me what I want Steve, you know what I want, give it to me please." I whispered in his ear as he kept up screwing me and kept making love to me. I wanted one more thing from him I wanted his cum inside me.

"Come on Steve give it to me, do it now Steve NOW." He thrusts got almost violent as his climax got closer. The cum was boiling in his balls and he was on the brink of an orgasmic explosion.

"NOW Steve NOW!" He did he jammed his cock of steel as deep as he could inside of me and moved me back in the bed pushing me into the headboard. He dropped his head down on my chest and couldn't hold himself up any longer and he collapsed on top of me. I held him with all the love that I could give him. I didn't want him to move I wanted his cock to stay inside me. It was so hot it felt so good the heat of his cock felt good against the walls

of my ass. The ass that he had just mercilessly fucked into making me cum without touching myself. I was praying that he just stayed where he was I prayed that his cock wouldn't move from my ass. I used my legs to wrap them around him and hold him closer to me. He cock began to soften and it slide out from my ass leaving me feeling empty and alone. But I wasn't he was there he was right next to me.

"I can't move Babe, I can't move you're going to have to pick me up and move me in the bed."

"How in the hell do you think I'm going to move you off me?"

"Oh wait I know Steve, I'll just start rolling and I'll roll over and when your underneath me that I'll just let go and you'll be all set. And I'll

keep rolling until I'm on the other side of the bed. What do you think about that plan?" I was starting to laugh when I got a mental picture of doing what I was saying.

"Don't start the laughing again, I'm not going to listen to that and wonder what in the hell your laughing so much for. Nor do I wish to start laughing like that after the round of sex that we just had my sides couldn`t take that kind of pain right now." It was to late the laughter began and I grew to weak to push him off and his arms couldn't lift his own weight to get off of me. It took almost five minutes for the laughter to die down before we could help each other out.

"That was wonderful Mike god you know how to drain everything out of me. I don't want to be touched for at least twelve hours before you even think about another round of sex."

"I have to wait that long! That's next to impossible for me to do, how about two hours?" I was trying hard not to laugh again and so was he.

"You're insatiable you know that you really are what demon god put you on this planet in the first place!" His eyes were sparkling as he spoke. I thought he looked his sexiest any time after we had sex.

"That's not fair you're a horn dog just as much as I am so don't even go there with me Steve Studly."

"So now that's done I'm ravenous and since I can't eat you at the moment what are we going to do for dinner tonight? And don't get smart and don't

be cute I want a serious answer."

"Moi?"

"Yes, you and see that's just what I'm talking about there you go being all cute on me well it won't work this time because I know it's your turn to make supper and you'll try to get out of it I know you better than that."

"You're no fun and when do I ever try and get out of making dinner for you? All right that's to be taken as a rhetorical question don't you dare answer that." He was laughing and pointing his finger at me and shaking his head up and down so I threw a pillow at him.

"Fine I'll go downstairs and make dinner but if you continue to aggravate me you'll get leftovers for supper and there isn't very many of those."

"I was thinking Mike what do you think you want to do about exchanging rings. I have some ideas in my head but I'm not sure which one I should use. I need to have some input from you as to what you want to." What I really wanted was for him to work this out himself and surprise me but I couldn't help but feel like I had to help him out.

"Let me think about if for a day or so and I'll get back to you on this. Don't tell me anything else for now about what ideas you do have and just maybe I'll tell you something that will help make your decision easier how' s that?"

"Okay I can deal with that we're not in a hurry anyway." I wasn't so sure if we were or not. As good as I was feeling at that moment I remembered some of the symptoms that the doctor told me to watch for and I was beginning to get this nagging idea in the back of my head that perhaps something wasn't right. I didn't want to tell Steve I thought I'd wait until they took another MRI and did some blood work before I rang any alarm bells. I had another week and a half before that happened that wasn't to long to wait any how. I got off the bed got dressed and went downstairs to make our dinner.

The next week went by pretty quickly without much fanfare. Steve was working a few more hours a week without me being there and my mother came a few days to sit with me not so much for her to watch and take care of me but more for just keeping me company so I wouldn't go stir crazy sitting in the house. Going through this chemo process weakens your immunity defenses so going out of the house wasn't look upon as a good thing for me to do often. We got close during that time period my mother got to fuss over me and make my lunches and she would usually make a dinner for Steve and I so that he wouldn't have to cook when he got home from work and neither did I. I didn' t mind and she enjoyed doing it. Test day came, Steve had taken off work to be there with me so he could hear the results with me. I just wanted to hear that I was okay and that radiation treatments wouldn't be necessary.

We sat in the doctors office waiting for him to get there. I hated playing the waiting game and it took forever for them to do the tests and get the results for him to translate. I couldn't read his facial expression when he finally came through the door but my gut was telling me what I felt in my heart that I already knew, he didn't really need to go over the details I just wanted to know what it meant in terms of treatment and my overall recovery and the big question of survivability.

"Hi gentlemen I'm glad to see that both of you are here for this. Mike you know I don't sugar coat anything so I'm not going to start now. I know that you both like it that way. Let's go over what's happening and where we go from here alright?" Steve and I nodded our agreement. Steve took my hand in his and squeezed it three times. His little gesture at least made me smile for a minute.

"There has been a small amount detected. It could be that we just missed it in surgery. It could also be a piece that was left and is shrinking and the chemo is working. But I've talked to my colleagues and they agree that to be on the safe side we should set up some radiation treatments Mike. Beyond that I can't tell you two anything else because I can't be certain at this point in time. Also I want this done as soon as possible and I want you to be in the hospital for this Mike this form of radiation that we need to use won't be easy for you body to tolerate and I don't want you going back and forth exposed to the elements outside. You'll be isolated in a sterile environment during the treatment. The fewer visitors you have the better, I just don't want to take any chances of someone passing a cold on to you when your system will be in a very weakened state. I think I've told you everything do you two have any questions?" I wanted to cry but I what he told me wasn't a big surprise I knew it wasn't going to be smooth sailing before we even walked into his office a half hour ago. Steve was another story I looked over and I could see it in his face he looked like someone had just kicked him in the stomach about twenty times.

"Steve look at me for a minute." I could see the tears in his eyes and this was one time that I had to be the strong one I had to make him believe that we were going to beat this, cancer wasn't going to beat me I was determined to win. I was determined to be on the survivors list of this type of cancer granted it wasn't a long list but I was going to add my name to it.

"Remember what you told me from the beginning that we would fight this together that we would win this fight remember? So don't do this I've cried enough for the both of us in the past few weeks. We knew this could happen and the probabilities were pretty good that this was going to happen the doctors all told us that this was going to happen so this isn't unexpected news. I know you were thinking that it was gone after the surgery and I wanted to think that to but in the past week I was pretty sure that what the doctor was going to tell us today I already knew. So Bucko chin up and let's do this last round and finish the fight we started. Don't back out on me now I need you know more than ever." I just kept a hold of his hand and kept my gaze locked onto his and I sat there with all the will power I could muster within in me to not cry. But he couldn't hold back and the damn that was only coming out a little at a time let loose. He bent his head down and put it in his hands and sobbed. I got up and pulled him up from the chair and just held him until he was spent. Dr. Grisales had left the room while I was holding Steve on his way out he just patted my back, held up his finger to signify that he would be back in a few minutes. We just stood there for a few minutes, he finally lifted his head and apologized to me for breaking down.

"Steve there's nothing we can do but keep fighting I know what you thought before we walked in here today but I didn't want to talk about it with you perhaps I should have and you wouldn't have been so shell shocked when he gave us the news. I had time to prepare myself because I knew or I should say that I was pretty sure what he was going to say before he said it. I' ll be sure to let you know from now on if I think there's anything wrong. It was just hard for me to see you being happy and not worrying so much about all of this I just didn't want to ruin your happiness. I guess I was being selfish that I just wanted to hold onto your happiness a little while longer. The way you felt I guess I was feeding off of that and it made me happy to. So come on now and let's talk to the doctor about when they want me in here and take the next step that we have to deal with and let's deal with it."

"And here I thought I had to be so strong for you and you're the one that 's lifting my spirits to keep fighting this some kind of partner I am."

"You're the person you are, no more no less and what you have given me is the strength I've needed to get to this point. I'm the one that picked you up this time. Maybe the next one that needs picking up will be me and you' ll be the one doing it. That's why we have each other to fall on that's what this relationship is all about Steve." The doctor knocked on the door before he walked in and by that time we both were composed and ready to hear what he had to say.

"I want you in the hospital tomorrow morning I've already advised admissions and they will call you later to let you know when you isolation room will be ready. You haven't asked me yet but I know that you will sooner or later so I'll tell you some more about what to expect. You're going to be here about two weeks maybe less but count on two. About half way through any sickness that you're going to have will be at it's peak, advise your family and friends that that would not be a good time to come and see you. Try and limit your guests to family only I know that may be hard but it's better for you in the long run. What little hair you have right now is going to fall out. I think that's everything you two any other questions?" Steve and I just looked at each other and then back to the doctor and nodded that we didn't. I don't think either one of us could talk right then anyway. We left his office to go home pack up and wait for the phone call regarding admission time. The ride home was long and quiet it didn't help that the weather had turned colder and was cloudy and damp. It just made everything else seem so bleak and dismal and it made the future look gloomy. The day dragged on and the hospital finally called about my admission time. The rest of that evening was quiet and we watched television and called family members to let them know what was going on. My mother didn't take it well and my father wouldn't get on the phone with me I think he didn't want me to hear him crying even though I knew he was. Steve's parents said they'd be down in the morning to get us to the hospital neither one of us argued with them. We couldn't we just didn't have the energy to fight their decision. Everyone else was just pretty quiet because they really didn't know what to say. I knew how they felt I didn't know what to say to them either.

The following morning wasn't much better we got everything together that we thought I would need and had coffee and breakfast for what it was worth. It was more like we were just going through the motions of life we just weren't feeling it. It comes to a point when being numb is the only thing you can do for cancer. Not being numb eats the rest of you alive. His parents showed up and put the suitcase in the car. His mom cleaned up the kitchen from breakfast and we loaded into the car for the trip to the hospital. It felt more like I was going to serve time in a prison than it felt like I was going to a hospital. But I knew that I was the one that had to change the spirit of things everyone was walking on egg shells afraid to say anything to me. No one wanted to upset the apple cart, neither did I but it was what it was and there was no way around it.

"Look everyone this is what I have to do in order to get rid of this once and for all. I haven't given up fighting yet and I won't. If I give up now then what's the point of me going in right now and having these treatments done?" I may have been talking to everyone but I was looking at Steve.

"I'm glad to hear you say that Babe I was getting worried you weren't really saying anything since we left the doctor's office yesterday. I know it' s hard for you right now but we have to deal with this and like you said before this is just the next round of what we have to fight." Steve's parents were quiet the whole time we talked. By this time we had pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. It was time to do what had to be done I couldn 't turn away from this now.

The room was what the doctor had described to us, it was isolation at it' s best. There were actually two rooms involved. The first room was the room that you had to take off any street clothes and put on a set of scrubs. There was a place to wash up any open areas that the set of scrubs didn't cover. Any guest also had to wear a hat that covered their head and hair it only left your face open. Then you could walk into my room and see me it was almost a fifteen minute process to get in to see me. Dr. Grisales had a separate bed put in for Steve if he wanted to stay for a night or two but Dr. Grisales instructed him that only one night at a time and that he couldn't make a habit of it. Al least on those nights I was the sickest Steve would be able to stay and help me with whatever he could. Mostly it would be to get a nurse when I needed one. And from that point the first week of treatment began. The first few days went well and I was holding my own but reality soon set in and the sickness from the radiation began to take its hold on me. If left me weak and unable to get out of bed. Steve was good the first night and stayed with me holding me and holding my head up as I continued to throw up. The doctor gave me as much medicine that he could to try and ease the discomfort that came with the treatments.

Time seemed to stand still while I was in that room. Family members came and went. Friends stayed away as asked but sent cards and more cards knowing that I couldn't get flowers in my room. It's a strange feeling to be cut off from the world as I was in that isolation room and as sick as I was I looked forward to getting out and being at home in my own bed in familiar surroundings. It's just that you feel better when your at home and your sick

it's another when your sick and in a hospital. The staff was wonderful and was patient with me when my patience grew short and my temper reared its ugly head. I began to realize that these people that were taking care of me were truly a special breed of character. They needed ten times as much patience as the normal person and a special ability to guide you into doing what you think you possibly can't do anymore. And yet they convince you that you can and by some miracle they get you to do the impossible. If it wasn't for them I would have never got through till the end. And the end finally came at least the isolation room came to an end. I had lost to much weight and lost to much strength the doctors wanted me to stay in the hospital until I regained some of both. It wasn't easy to take the news that I wasn't going home as planned.

"Fuck this Steve I don't want to be here anymore I'm done dealing with nurses and doctors and needles and all the other fucking shit that goes along with this, I'm done I won't do this anymore I'll sign out if I have to. And don't sit there and tell me I can do this, because maybe I can but that' s not the point, the point is that I don't want to I just want to go home and be in my own bed to get better. The doctor told me two weeks and now they want to make it three. And what after that they'll think of something to make it fucking four!" My patience was gone I had had enough and I wanted nothing more than to go home.

"Listen Michael I know you don't want this and neither do I. But you have lost to much weight and to much of your strength. You're having a hard time just getting from your bed to the bathroom and it's only eight feet away from your bed. How are you going to get to our bathroom from the bed? That' s almost fifteen feet away from the bed. Please do this for me if you won't do it for yourself please Michael please do this for me." His was using his best reasoning voice ever and I wanted to hit because he was. He just kept sitting there next to my bed looking at me waiting for me to tell him that I would stay. I didn't want to I was beginning to really hate everything this room and this hospital had come to represent. At in that time I was hating everything I was drained of everything that was in me and I didn't know how much more fight I had in me. What was the point I had maybe a five percent chance of surviving after all this anyway. Five fucking percent who was I kidding really who did I think I was that I was going to survive this fucking cancer anyway? I hated every one and everything at this point and I was lashing out at the world. I don't know what it was maybe quilt that made me do it whatever it was I just nodded my head yes to him and closed my eyes I just wanted the world to go away and leave me alone I didn't want anything anymore.

"Go home Steve leave me here I don't want to talk anymore I don't want anything anymore, just go home tonight let them do whatever it is they want who cares any more?" I was defeated and all I did want was to be left alone and didn't want him to look at me this way. I didn't want him to see that I finally felt defeated over this.

"Come on don't be like this Michael don't shut me out over this it will get better I promise it will get better for you."

"Really Steve, Really? Is that what you think? Really? Because I don't I don't think that at all. They have taken everything out of me there's nothing left for me to draw on. Go home and leave me be I might as well just curl up and die right here and now." I was angry and I was taking it out on the one person that I shouldn't be doing it to. He picked up his coat and put it on.

"Fine Michael, I'm going home. If that's what you want then that's what you'll get. I'm sorry this isn't what you wanted I didn't want it either.

No one asked for this and if I could take this away from you and put it somewhere else I would but I can't. Don't crawl inside yourself and shut me off Michael. But that seems to be what you want so that's what I'll give you. When you're ready to talk to me and not treat me like I'm some asshole for putting you here then call me at home you know the number." He walked out the door angry and hurt. At that moment I didn't care I got what I wanted and that was to be left alone. A few minutes later my nurse Kevin came through the door with a syringe in hand. Kevin knew the score with Steve and I and took it in stride.

"That was pretty loud a few minutes ago." He was putting the syringe into the IV tube.

"What's this for?" I was being short with him I didn't want to hear it from him either.

"It's to help you relax and something to help you sleep. I think tonight you might need this. I couldn't help but over hear the discussion that you and Steve had. Don't think I was listening in we could hear it at the nurses station, remember your right outside your door." I didn't care what he heard I didn't want to talk to him either.

"Should that make a difference to me? You're not the one going through this and I'm done I just can't fight anymore Kevin I just want to go home and be left alone what's wrong with that? Is that to much to ask after all I' ve been through in the past two weeks?" I just laid there and didn't say anymore I wanted the medicine to do its thing and just maybe I'd go to sleep and not have to think anymore. I was tired of thinking and fighting.

"Mike its not easy to go through what you're going through I'll grant you that and no one said it was going to be easy did they? Steve knows that you're having a hard time with this. Don't forget that he's having just as hard of a time as you are. He knows that you don't want to stay here anymore and no one blames you for not wanting to. But just think about it tonight until you go to sleep. Think about his point of view about this. He's doing everything he can for you because he doesn't know how to take the cancer away. No matter what he feels helpless to help you and it's frustrating him to no end. He and I have had a lot of time to talk since you've been here and he'll be lost without you that's what he told me. Don't over do it right now but maybe in the morning you can think with a clear head. I called the doctor at Steve's request he asked me to call the doctor and see if we could up the dosage of your sedative and sleep medicine that you get because he felt you're to upset to think straight. So you're going to have a really good nights sleep and you will be able to relax and in a few minutes you won't have to think at all." I was mad as hell at him now. Why did he do that to me why couldn't he just have gone home and left me alone like I asked him to. Kevin told me to have a good nights sleep and walked out of the room turning the overhead light off and closing the door as he left. I watched the door close and my room grew dark. I tried to think but I was beginning to relax and I could feel my body start to melt into the mattress. I tried to focus with all my will power I wanted to think about this some more and couldn't the sedative and sleeping aid were really starting to get into my blood stream. I woke up and the room was filled with sunshine it was bright I looked at the clock it was almost ten o'clock. I couldn't believe that I had slept that long without the constant interruption of blood pressure checks and temperature checks. A cold breakfast tray was sitting in front of me. It didn't matter I wasn't hungry anyway. I turned over and closed my eyes again I just wanted to go back to sleep again. My short nap was interrupted by my friends the doctors.

"Mike were going to move you today into another room. I understand that you're upset over this having to stay a few more days in the hospital. I'm sure that's not what you wanted to he..

"No you're right I didn't want to hear this I'm sick and tired of being sick. I just want to go home and stay in the comfort of my own bed. Is that really to much to ask after all I've been through these past two weeks, can't I just go home? What's the point of staying here? What's the point of trying to gain back the weight and get my strength back up when I'm just going to end up dead anyway, why prolong the inevitable?" I was still angry the night's sleep didn't help I guess.

"Is that what you think now that you're going to die that it's over with? "

"Let's not kid ourselves Dr. Grisales, I've got a five percent chance of surviving this isn't that what you told me? Five percent that's pretty slim if you ask me and just look at me look at the way I look. I've lost almost twenty seven pounds in less than two weeks. How's my body going to fight back? I can't fight back by the time I could possibly gain any significant weight it will be to late how am I going to gain that much weight back?

"We're not sure Mike but are you willing to give up now after what we've been through this far? Maybe you can't gain all twenty seven pounds back but maybe you could ten or twelve back. Any weight you gain will help increase you chances of fighting back. We know that you want to go home but if you do you're taking the risk of catching something to easily. You're body is in a weakened state and we need to build your strength back up in order to get you home. You have trusted me so far and I haven't lied to you and I have sugar coated anything I've been up front with you since day one have I not? Then trust me just a little bit longer and maybe just maybe we'll beat this and you'll be on that five percent survival statistic list. Will you just trust me one more time Mike?"

"Do I really have a choice? What's the difference anymore anyway? Just do whatever you want to. It probably won't make a difference any how." And I didn't care at that point in time I no longer cared about living or dying as far as I was concerned my fate was sealed the minute they told me what the problem was anyway.

"We'll get you into another room within a few hours. I'm going to put you in another private room. I'm just going to ask to keep your visitors to family still. But I'll put another bed in your room so if Steve wants to stay he can. Speaking of Steve well hold on one minute I'll be right back." He and the other doctors left my room and Dr. Grisales was back a few minutes later.

"I wanted to talk to you about Steve I just didn't think that everyone needed to hear what I had to say. I talked to Steve this morning he called me. He's worried about you big time and so am I. Your attitude isn't where it needs to be or I should say it's not where it was a few days ago. A few days ago you were determined to beat this you were mentally in the right place to be when it comes to fighting this cancer. I need you to get back there Mike I need you to want this. I can't make you and neither can Steve, it' s up to you and only you. I don't know what else to say to you or tell you that will get your mind set back to where you first had it. But I can tell you this ninety percent of the patients that survive and kind of cancer do so because their mental attitude is where yours use to be. Do you hear what I'm telling you? It's all up to you from here on out whether you survive or not is largely up to you I guess is what I'm saying. I'll leave you for now and I'll come see you again when you get transferred to another room. I'll see you then and maybe you'll feel like talking." I watched him as he walked out of the room. I didn't want to talk to him either he was the one that had wanted me to spend another week in the hell hole. I rolled over and pulled up the covers and closed my eyes I wanted sleep to come back I didn't want to think anymore I just didn't want to.

I laid there and drifted in and out of sleep for a while. I heard them when they brought my food tray in with my lunch. I could smell the food but had no appetite or desire to eat it. I just pushed it away and rolled back over. I hated everything what was the point of any of this? I could tell that someone had walked into the room I was facing the wall and didn't roll over to see who it was I didn't care anyway. I went back to trying to go back to sleep.

"I'm not going to leave or go away just because you won't acknowledge me. I'll stay here until you do whether you like it or not. And you can hate me all you want but I`m staying put. So get over yourself Michael."