Steve and Mike

If your not 18 you shouldn't be reading this come back when you're old enough. This story contains sex between two males without the use of condoms. I strongly urge any male out there having sex with anyone to use condoms. Being safe is the only way to play and live a healthy life without the fear of std's. Be smart. Be safe. If you enjoy this story let me know I am enjoying writing this and might continue with some more of this story and what happens between Mike and Steve. All rights belong to the author. Contact me at Aragon76@aol.com (mailto:Aragon76@aol.com) with comments thoughts and suggestions you might have. Enjoy if nothing else! Thanks in advance to any and all replies they mean a lot to me and my writing ideas.

When I came to I was on the floor and the back of my head was killing me. Steve was kneeling next to me and had my hand in his.

"Come on Babe, come on, wake up for me, can you hear me, Mike can you hear me?" I could hear him but it seems like I just couldn't open my eyes no matter how hard I tried they just weren't coming open for me.

"Gary, call 911 he isn't answering me, he isn't coming to." I could hear by the tone of his voice that he was worried. I couldn't think straight. I

was trying to think what had happened and it just wasn't coming to me. It was just foggy. And it seemed that the harder I tried to think or get myself to open my eyes the harder it was to stay awake. I drifted out again.

"Come on Michael, answer me, come on, talk to me Michael." I could hear his voice. I wanted to talk to him, but it just wasn't happening no matter how hard I tried to say something to him. I wanted to say it, I wanted to say I was okay. I wanted to...and I was back out again. The next time I could think and listen to anything I could hear other voices in the background. I was trying to listen to who they were, I wanted to know who was in the house. But I didn't recognize any of them. All I could do was lay there and listen to Steve's voice. I could hear his the best it seemed to be the closest to me.

"I don't know what happened he was walking up the stairs and the next thing I knew he was down on the ground right where he is now. He didn't say anything or yell or anything, there was nothing like I said all of a sudden he was laying on the ground." I don't know who he was talking to I was trying to open my eyes but it just wasn't happening no matter how hard I tried. It was becoming aggravating at the same time. I knew if I tried to hard I would pass out again.

"Do whatever you have to, I'll come with you to the hospital, I want to stay with him I want to know what's going on." I could still hear that Steve was close to me and I was beginning to feel better at least I didn't feel like I was going to pass out again. Slowly and surely I began to realize where I was. I opened my eyes and was looking up at the lights and looked to the side of me. I could see a paramedic directly to my right by my shoulder and I could see Steve to my right and down by my feet.

"Hey there bucko." I looked at Steve and smiled. I could tell that he was relieved that I had come to.

"What the hell did you do Mike, what happened?" I just looked at him for a minute I still had to think about everything and where I was. Before I could say anything the paramedic cut our conversation short.

"How do you feel Mr. Mathews?"

"Not sure yet, I'm still trying to figure out what happened in the first place." I was being honest I still hadn't put my finger on what actually did take place and how I landed here. I remember walking up the steps and the I remember thinking about.....Gary....Gary said something. I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Gary said something Steve I heard Gary say something to you in the living room." And it came flooding back, I knew what he had said, everyone knew at work and not just at work but some of the regular customers.

"I know what it was, I know what made me pass out." The paramedic looked at me as if I was going to tell him and I couldn't I couldn't tell him what I knew. And I thought why can't I, it seems the rest of the world knows and who do I have to thank for that Roy, my brother the fucking asshole.

"That fucking asshole Steve, it was him, that's how everyone knows he told everyone he could that's how they know. I'm going to fucking kill him, there's no reason to be nice to him anymore when I get to him I'm going to fucking kill him I'm going to shoot him to death that's what I'll do I'll just plain and simple fucking shoot him!" I was beginning to scream and thrash around on the bed I wanted to get up.

"Calm down Mr. Mathews, please calm down." He looked over to Steve while he was holding me down.

"Get him to quiet down if you can, his blood pressure is starting to shoot up to much I need him to calm down and stay relaxed."

"Michael listen to me, come on, stop this, you can't do that and your not going to. You can't kill him, I know how you feel but right now it isn't going to help anything if you keep getting excited, I need for you to calm down Babe." He took hold of my hand and squeezed it hard, he wanted to get my attention. I looked over at him and started crying I couldn't help it, the tears just kept coming and the more I thought about what my brother had done to me the more I kept crying. I felt like a piece of shit for crying I always do.

"Come on Mike don't, don't do this you need to take a deep breath for me. Come on please, take a deep breath for me and relax we're almost at the hospital." I was trying to listen to him and I was trying to stop I didn't want the doctor t o see me like this. I hated when people I didn't know saw me crying. Especially other men, it made me feel like a jerk.

"All right we're here Mr. Mathews we'll be inside in just a few minutes, just try and relax." Steve was right behind him talking to me.

"Come on Mike, I'm right here and I'll stay with you don't worry, I'm right behind you." We backed up to the entrance to the hospital and the rear doors opened. Within a few minutes I was in the door and was in a room with a few nurses hovering around me. They were talking to the paramedic getting information from him about my blood pressure and everything else they needed to hear from him. It didn't take long before he and his partner were out the door leaving Steve and I there with the nurses.

"Are you related to the patient" The nurse had turned and was talking to Steve.

"No, he's my.."

"Then you'll have to wait outside in the waiting room until we're done here. For now you'll have to go." I didn't want Steve to leave I wanted him here I didn't want to be alone.

"I want him here he's not to leave this room." The nurse looked at me for a minute.

"I'm sorry Mr. Mathews but only family members are allowed in here until such time that the doctor is done determining what is wrong with you and what steps he's going to take, whether you'll be admitted or discharged." This was ridiculous I wanted him with me plain and simple, what was the problem. I was determined to have him here.

"Look at it this way he is my family as far as I'm concerned and HE IS GOING to stay in here with me and he is the only family I want in here understand?" I was pissed there was no way that he was going to be in the waiting room while I was here.

"I'm sorry Mr. Mathews but those are hospital rules. He can come back here as soon as the doctor says he is able."

"Michael, let me just go out for a few minutes..."

"Steve if you move from this spot, you and I are going to have a problem when we get home, I want you here and until I talk to the doctor your staying put, don't you dare fucking move Steve." I was getting more pissed by the minute and my head was starting to really hurt the madder I got. I was trying to take a breath because I felt like passing out again and now was not

the time otherwise Steve would be pushed out of the room and he wouldn't be here when I came to. It didn't work everything went blank. I don't know what happened in the next few minutes I just remember coming to again. The first thing I did was look around for Steve. He wasn't there. Damn. By now the doctor was standing next to me and was starting to flash his flashlight into my eyes. It felt like the old fashioned camera bulb going off in my eye. I slammed my eyes shut and tried to brush his hands away from my face.

"Mr. Mathews I'm just trying to see your pupils and how they're responding to light." I didn't want to hear it I was pissed that Steve wasn't here.

"Where's Steve?" The nurse spoke up, Mr. Mathews I told you I had to send him to the wait...."

"And I told you, he is to be here with me, he is my family and he is to be here, now I want him now before you do anything else I want him in this room!" I was pissed and although I wasn't screaming I was getting close. I grabbed my head because it was starting to hurt again.

"Mr. Mathews I need to examine you, please, relax your friend can come in when we are all done and I've decided what.s wrong with you and ..."

"And nothing, either he's here now or your not touching me. Now get away from me and get him in here, I want Steve in with me, he's the only person I trust." I pushed the doctor's hand away from me. I was trying to make it clear that if Steve wasn't in here nothing was going to happen. The doctor looked at me for a few seconds and then looked at the nurse.

"Go get his friend Nurse." The doctor stood there and looked at me I waited for the nurse to leave.

"I'm sorry for the first time in my life I'll say it. He's my partner and any and all decisions that happen in here will be with him here got it?" The doctor just looked at me for a minute I don't think he realized what I was saying at first. But finally the light went on in his head and he understood what I was trying to tell him.

"I'm sorry Mr. Mathews I didn't realize what you meant at first. If you want him here than I'll make sure he knows everything that's going on while

you're here is that what you want?" He was being sincere I was glad for that.

"That's all I wanted was it really to much to ask?"

"No, you're not asking to much I just didn't realize at first. I'm sorry for not understanding you." Steve walked in with the nurse behind him his face was all red either he was mad or he had been crying I couldn't tell which.

"You okay Michael?" He had been crying I could hear it in his voice.

"I'm better now that you're here with me." He looked at me and took a deep breath.

"I hear that your not cooperating without me here is that true?"

"That's not entirely true, I just made it clear that you are to be here with me until such time that the doctor is done with me, that isn't to much to ask is it?"

"You let the doctor do what he has to do so that I can get you out of here and we can go home, got it?"

"Whatever you say, just don't leave me."

"I won't."

"He made it quite clear that you are to stay here while I examine him. If you don't mind would you go over there and sit down and I will get this exam over with and hopefully get you two on your way, sound okay to you?" He was being nice and was showing respect to both Steve and I.

"Let me get out of the way and you do what you have to." Steve moved to the other side of the room and took the stool and sat down. He looked at me and nodded to let me know that he would sit right there until the doctor was done. He proceeded to examine me from head to toe. He checked the back of my head which was still tender to his touch.

"I want to take a few pictures of your skull I want to see if there was any damage. I don't think so, but I want to make sure. I'm going to have them take an X-Ray and we'll go from there. I'm also going to order some blood work to be done. Perhaps that might tell me something. You don't know why you passed out? You don't remember anything before you passed out? Did you feel queasy or nauseous?" It was like a barrage of questions I had to stop and think a minute.

"I just remember feeling weird for a minute and light headed like everything was spinning. That's all I really remember the next thing I knew I was on the floor and couldn't get my eyes to open and the more I thought and tried to open them the more my head hurt and the next thing I knew I passed out again. That's all I can really tell you Doctor, you'd have to ask Steve about what happened after I landed because I don't know, I started to wake up and realize what was going on when I was in the ambulance."

"Okay, then let's run these tests that I want and wait for them to come back and then we'll see if I can figure out what happened. For know just lay here and rest, it will take some time to get the results from the blood work so just be patient. If you need anything in the meantime just ask the nurse. Do you want something for your headache?"

"No, I'm good if it doesn't go away then I'll ask for something but for now I think that I'll be okay doc." He left the room and the nurse was right behind him leaving Steve and I to ourselves to talk.

"I'm sorry Steve I didn't mean to scare you. I don't know what happened to make me pass out. I just remember hearing Gary tell you that everyone at work knew and that some of our regular customers knew as well. I remember just feeling sick to my stomach and light headed and I just remember letting go of the railing and falling backwards."

"Well I just happen to be looking towards that way because I was thinking of going upstairs in a few seconds and then I saw you landing on the floor. I ran over to you and started to try and wake you up. You were out for a few minutes and finally I told Gary to call 911. And between the time they came and got you here you seemed to go from being awake to passing out again. You were scaring me I won't lie to you about that. I'm glad to see your awake now and not passing out." By now he had walked over to be by my side and had brought the stool with him to sit on. He took my hand in his and just held it.

"We could be here awhile, do you want to go and get something to eat or drink for yourself?" I could see it in his face that he was getting tired. I needed him to keep his strength up.

"Go on, go get yourself something pretty soon I'll have to go and get that X-Ray and then I'll be back. Tell you what as soon as they come in to get me, you go and get something for yourself, and don't argue with me, you do as I tell you, understand?"

"You win, but I'm not leaving until they come to get you for the X-Ray." He just sat there and continued to hold my hand. Before to long the aide came in and told me he was there to take me for my X-Ray. Steve and I left the room together.

"Something to eat and drink for yourself and don't argue with me you won' t win this one mister." He just nodded his consent and walked the other way. I watched him for as long as I could his confident walk was gone as he disappeared down the long corridor. I had never seen him like this I had to cheer him up when he came back to the room. The X-Rays didn't take that long

they took a bunch of my head and neck and my chest and the aide took me back to the room. By the time he pushed me back in Steve was already there waiting for me. I had to cheer him up.

"What great delight did you find in the vending machines at this hour of the night? I can't imagine that you didn't find something that was beyond incredible." I was trying to joke with him but I didn't seem to have to much success.

"Hey, what's wrong? Don't go and get all bummed out on me. As soon as the tests are done the doctor will see that nothing is wrong and that for whatever reason I just passed out. Believe me I'll be fine Steve, nothing is wrong with me. I haven't been feeling sick at all, I haven't felt like passing out since we got here. So whatever it was, is gone and I will be okay, you'll see." I motioned for him to come over and sit back down again like he was earlier.

"Come on no long face I can't stand that. Why are you being like this?"

"I just don't want anything to be wrong with you that's all. I couldn't stand the thought of something being wrong with you. I just don't like hospitals and I don't like when things like this happen. Just out of the blue all of a sudden you pass out. That's not a good thing I don't care how you look at it Michael. I just get this feeling that there going to find something." He really was worried and he was breaking my heart to watch him like this.

"Listen Bucko, you better smarten up. I need you to pay attention to whatever the doctor says. So wipe that worry right off your face and pay attention. I need the Steve that knows how to deal with things, the one that deals with any problem that comes his way, head on, no holds barred. If you don 't I'm going to have to smack the shit out of you, you got me mister?" He looked up at me and smiled perhaps I had finally gotten through to him at least he was smiling at me.

"Okay okay you win, I'll take a deep breath and smarten up as you requested sir!" The jovial Steve that I loved so much was back. We spent the next hour just shooting the shit and joking with each other passing the time and

waiting to go home. The doctor walked in with X-Rays in hand. He looked at the both of us for a minute and proceeded to put the films up the lighted board to see the X-Rays.

"I want to show you something before we go any further." Steve and I both looked at each other and then to the doctor to see what he wanted to show us.

"You didn't break anything and that's a good thing, I don't see any swelling where you hit you head. But what I do see is on the right side of your

head there's something in the X-Ray, look here on this side." He pointed and you could see a small round shape close to the skull.

"Could there be something on the X-Ray? Can we take another one to make sure there is something?"

"I want to have you take an MRI, it will take about forty five minutes but the results will give us a definite answer as to what it might be." I got to feeling sick to my stomach like I wanted to throw up.

"I need to lay down or I'm going to be sick." Steve put his arms around me and helped me over to the gurney and helped me lay down. He looked at me for and started talking to the doctor.

"Let's get the MRI done as soon as we can. I want an answer before we leave here if possible." His gaze never left me. The doctor walked out of the room letting us know that he would set it up right away. He just kept holding onto me and didn't say anything.

"Let's not jump to conclusions or project the outcome, you don't like doing that to begin with so let's not start now, okay?" I didn't want him to know that I was scared to death. What if it was something bad what if there was nothing they could do about it? Here I was doing exactly what I told him not to do I was projecting.

"Come on let's just wait and see okay? Promise me that you'll just wait to see what the doctor has to say." I was trying not to cry and he just wrapped his arms around me and held me tight with his head on my shoulder and my head on his shoulder we just stayed like that until the nurse came in and

disrupted us.

"If I take you right now we can get you into get your MRI done." I nodded my consent to her and let go of Steve. I couldn't say anything to him or I would have started crying and I think he would have to. I left the room in a wheelchair with him right behind me. We stopped at the nurses station to check out of the emergency room. Steve got behind the wheelchair to push me the nurse didn't object this time she just led the way. I hate MRI's I'm extremely claustrophobic I hadn't asked the doctor for anything to calm me down to get through this I was just going to have to bite my tongue and pray to God to get this finished.

Steve stood there next to me while we waited for them to get the room set for me to come in and begin my test. I could feel the nervousness between us and neither one of us was saying a thing. I couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"It's going to be okay, whatever it is we'll deal with it and that will be the end of it. So let's not worry to much just know that whatever it is there will be some kind of treatment or medicine that will take care of it and we'll move on after that right?" I don't know if I was trying to convince him or myself. The orderly came at the right moment because neither one of us had time to say anything. It was the longest forty five minutes of my life. I can't imagine what it felt like for Steve to standing out there waiting for me to be done and come back out. I tried to make coming out of the room something fun but it didn't work. He just helped me sit back down in the wheelchair and started the trip back to the emergency room. Back to my room to wait to hear what the doctor had to say. I was hoping that we didn 't have to wait to long to get the answer we probably didn't want to hear. It was almost an hour and half before the doctor came back in and he wasn' t alone there were two other doctors with him. Doctors in numbers never means good news. I thought I'd take the bull by the horns and get the ball rolling.

"Wow three of you to tell me what the problem is, this can't be good at all." Steve was standing next to me I took his hand and wrapped both of mine around his. I was scared to death and I wasn't worried about what the doctors thought if I held his hand. I was beginning to get the feeling that I was going to need all the strength that I could get.

"Who's going to be the first to alter my life?" No point in beating around the bush I could see it written on their faces that it wasn't going to be

good.

"Mike my colleagues are here to help me answer questions you might have and to tell you what your options are going to be. I'll explain which one does what when we're done telling you what we found." I was really beginning to get worried.

"I don't know how to tell you this it's never easy telling a patient that we've found something that isn't good. With that being said, I'll just lay the cards out on the table. You have a tumor in your brain. It's called a

Glioblastoma Tumor. Why you haven't had symptoms we aren't sure but let me ask you this. Have you had any headaches lately or feeling like your confused? How about nausea or vomiting, any weakness in your legs or arms, problems with your vision or memory?" I had to contemplate the things that he was asking me.

"I've had some headaches lately I thought were just from tension. I'll admit that they seemed a little more severe than usual, but I just blew them off. And tonight I was feeling confused right before I fell. And coming to I had a hard time concentrating and remembering what had happened. But I thought it was just due to the fact that I had passed out and fell down and bumped my head good on the floor."

"Those are symptoms of this tumor you have Mike." I wasn't sure where to go from here or what to say or what to ask. I looked at Steve and just started crying. I couldn't help it I was overwhelmed with everything that he had just told me. I leaned into his chest and just held onto him. I felt him wrap his arms around me take my head in his hand and kiss the top of my head.

"Can we have a few minutes alone please, we need to talk and then I have questions to ask you." Steve was taking control, the one that knew we had a problem to deal with and he was doing what he does best, he was going to handle this head on he wanted to deal with it now.

"Michael, I want you to look at me and try to stop crying. We need to collect our thoughts and handle this head on. I need you to compose yourself for me, can you do that please?" That wonderful voice of reasoning was coming

through I needed to hear that, more than anything else I needed to hear his voice of reasoning. More than ever I realized that I loved this man and wondered how I had been so lucky to have him in my life.

"I want you to know something Steve, before we talk about anything else, before we say anything else, before they come in and tell me how bad it really is, I love you no matter what else happens from this point forward I love you and how I was so lucky to find you and share my life with you I'll never know." I leaned into him and kissed him as hard as I could and with all my might. He just held me in his arms for a few minutes and looked me in the eyes.

"Your not the lucky one, I am. You're the one that walked into my life and changed it forever. You're the one that opened my eyes to what love really meant I never would have known what love is if it hadn't been for you Michael and don't you ever forget that. So no matter what they say we're going to fight this do you hear me? This whatever it is, is not going to win. We are going to be the ones that win I asked you to spend the rest of your life with me and I intend to live a long time since you said yes that you would share your life with me then you have a commitment to uphold and I'm keeping you to it. I love you and I'm not letting you go." He hugged me tight and kissed me once more and walked out of the room to get the doctors. The four of them walked back in about five minutes later I don't know what took them so long but it gave me time to pull myself together and to stop crying. I wanted to put a good face on for Steve I wanted to fight this just like he said we were going to. I had to do this for him.

"So spill it, tell me all I need to know." I sat back on the gurney and waited to hear what they had to tell me.

"Michael the mass that we saw on the MRI is a Glisblastoma Tumor as I said before and it is a cancer I wont lie to you or try to sugar coat what I m about to tell you. There is a surgery that can be done it's called Neuroedoport Surgery. What that translates into is they will make a dime size incision into your skull that provides a channel to the brain. This is a minimally invasive approach that offers minimal scarring, fewer side effects and

fewer complications, it also allows for a faster recovery time. While they are doing the surgery they will place a pill in your brain. That will be your Chemotherapy and the dosage will be slowly released, hopefully eliminating any part of the tumor that they might not be able to remove at the time of surgery. There might be some radiation treatments required but that will remain to be seen and decided upon after surgery is completed." I'm not sure I heard anything of what he said I was counting on Steve to have taken it all in. He was the one that spoke first.

"What are the chances of his being cured? What's the survival rate of this type of cancer? The question that I didn't want to hear and it's the first one out of his mouth. That's my Steve hitting the problem head on.

"Not good, most don't last a year once it's been discovered." There it was, no way of trying to hide and think it wasn't happening to me. I had a year to live maybe if I was lucky. A year a fucking god damned year! This wasn't fucking fair what the fuck did I ever do to anyone that made me deserve this? I could feel myself coming unglued as hard as I thought I could handle this I couldn't not this not this fucking deal. Why did God hate me so much was this his way of punishing me because I'm gay is that what this is? My punishment for being queer, keep my mouth shut all my life and the first time I say hey world I'm gay the man upstairs decides to smack me down by giving this to me. I couldn't hold it together any longer I broke down and began to ball my eyes out. I started to shake and just sob to the point of wanting to throw up.

"Can't you give him something to help him calm down, he's going to need something please give him something to get him to calm down and sleep?" Steve looked at the doctors and waited for them to say something.

"Yes, I'll get the nurse to give him a shot that will put him to sleep." The doctor left the room and a few minutes later a nurse returned with a syringe. She put it into the IV and pushed the plunger. I was still sobbing and holding onto Steve I couldn't talk to him there was nothing for me to say to him. I was going to die and we weren't going to share our life together like we wanted it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair. It didn't take long before I began to feel a calming feeling spread throughout my body. I looked up to Steve and told him I was getting drowsy he pushed the gurney all the way down so I could lay down he brushed the hair off my face and kissed my forehead.

"Go to sleep Babe, rest for awhile I love you and I'll be here when you wake up." I lasted long enough to take hold of his hand before I fell asleep. \ When I woke up the sun was shining into the room and I saw Steve sitting in a chair next to the bed with his feet propped up at the end of my bed. During my sleep I had been placed into a private room and put into a real bed. I just laid there and watched him sleep and wondered what was going to happen to us. I wondered if we were going to have a year before I died. I wondered what I was going to do how was I going to handle this. I started to cry again and hated myself just like I always felt when I cried. I tried to be quiet I didn't want to wake him up I didn't know how much sleep he had gotten during the night. I knew that I had slept for at least six hours. He

opened his eyes and looked up at me.

"Hey there, come on now, crying was for last night. Today is a new day and a new beginning. We're going to fight this Michael and you're going to win this one I don't care what they say the odds are. Your not going to fight

this alone Babe, I'm going to be right by your side the whole time, whatever it takes I'll be with you and we are not going to quit until we win, understand me?" By now he was off the chair and sitting next to me on the bed with my hands in his.

"I'm going to get the nurse and see about getting you some breakfast its time you eat you have eaten since yesterday at my mother's. So what do you want me to get you?"

"Steve, I'm not sure that I'm even hungry right now maybe later."

"No sir, your going to eat now, it's time. Like I said you haven't eaten since Mom's yesterday, so your going to eat now. I'll either get the nurse and ask for some hospital food or if your good I'll go down to the cafeteria and go to one of the restaurants that have in this place. And if they don 't have anything good I'll go across the street to the diner and get you something. So pick what's it going to be? And if you don't make up your mind and pick something I'll just go to the diner and bring back a bag full of breakfast's and demand that you eat all of them!" He was poking at me trying to get me to laugh it was working.

"You're an idiot you know that a real goofball. All right get me some pancakes and bacon from across the street and a muffin. And you better bring back something for you to. Oh yea and I could really use a cup of coffee to go with that breakfast." He was scrambling around the room looking for something.

"What are you looking for Steve?"

"Paper I need to write this all down or I'll forget when I get over there."

"If you need to write this amount of food down I'm beginning to wonder why your working in the restaurant with me. Stop goofing off and get moving."

At least he had me laughing and I realized that had been his intention all along. I knew why I loved him so much. He came over to the bed and kissed me. I grabbed him by the neck and held onto him I wasn't done kissing him that quickly. The next thing I knew the nurse was standing at the end of the bed and was just looking at us and for once I didn't care what she thought.

"Excuse my gentlemen, that will be enough of that!" At first I thought she was going to be a pain in the ass about the whole thing but I saw her crack a smile the longer I looked at her. I pushed Steve away from me and motioned for him to get going.

"Go, go get breakfast and hurry back. I am hungry after all." He touched the side of my face and winked at me, turned his back to me and walked out the door. I wondered how long I was going to watch him walk out this door and how long it was going to be before I went home with him. The nurse broke my thoughts and brought me back to reality.

"Mr. Mathews I need for you to take a shower and get yourself cleaned up. You have some tests later on this morning and I won't have my patients showing up dirty. Actually I'm kidding with you Mr. Mathews I do need to tell you that you do have tests scheduled for later on this morning. Is there anything I can get for you or is there anything you need besides what's here for you to clean up with?"

"I'm not sure I don't know what's here I haven't been off the bed yet to look in the bathroom. As long as I have a razor, shaving cream and soap I think I'll be all set. By the way what's your name I have a feeling I'm going to be here for a little while I guess I better get to know everyone's name while I'm here."

"I'm Donna Marsh and I'll be your nurse until seven tonight. Oh and before anyone else walks in here, I'm not opposed to the little performance I walked in on just a few minutes ago there are some others in here that won't be like me and if they knew you might not get the same treatment once they know. I think that's sad but I'm just being honest with you, just try and be a little discreet that's all I'm telling you."

"Thanks Donna I appreciate that and just so you know I'm not in the habit of public displays of affection, that actually was really a first for me. I've been gay all my life but just recently started letting people know. My

partner on the other hand doesn't have a problem letting people know and if I told you the whole story of how we met and how we got together you wouldn't believe it. I'll tell you this much he didn't grow up like me knowing he was gay, he just discovered this within the past year." She laughed when I finished telling her all this. It made me feel good about us.

"Okay, I'll leave you to get yourself cleaned up, I'm sure you other half will be back before long with your breakfast. I'm sure your not going to want a cold breakfast they never taste good that much I can tell you for sure." And with that she was out the door and was gone. I got up and headed for the bathroom to get myself cleaned up and ready for the day. The next few days consisted of tests, needles, more tests more needles and more tests and even more needles. I was beginning to dread anyone that walked into my room that had a white coat on or a white uniform for that matter. Steve and I talked more and more about everything that was going on and listened to what the doctors had to say about the results of the tests and what it all meant. For the first forty eight hours we kept everything quiet from the family only Gary and Eileen knew what was really going on and neither one of them wanted to be the ones that broke the news to our parents. But I knew the time was coming and I had to talk to Steve about how we were going to handle it.

"How do you want to this Steve? Should I just call them and tell them or should we have them come to the hospital and then tell them?"

"I'm not sure Mike I haven't told mine yet either and I was wondering the same thing. What do you think if I call all of them and tell them to come? They're going to want to know what's going on before they just come don't you think?"

"Yes, your probably right, they're going to want to know something. And I don't want to tell them the whole story over the phone. We've got to come

up with something in order to get them here. I hate lying about this but at the same time I have to this time at least just to get them here. I think that I'll have you call my parents and tell them I'm in the hospital and I want them to come here because I need their advice about a surgery their going to do. It's not a lie and you won't have to tell them the whole story. If they start asking just tell them that your not real sure about the whole thing and that's why I want them here. What do you think, think it will work?"

"Sounds like the best idea so far, I don't know how else to get them here Michael, I know I can get mine here without to much detail, because it's you not me that's in the hospital. So why don't I just make the calls and get them here for tonight? Think your ready to handle the four of them together? This could be interesting you know having the four of them here together under these circumstances. I'm going to be honest Michael, the gay issue will be pushed aside once you tell them what's really going on at the moment. Every cloud has it's silver lining, I guess this would be the silver lining. They won't think twice about us and the gay issue at all." I had to laugh because he was right, once my Mom and Dad found out what was really going on they wouldn't be concerned about me being gay anymore. How sad it' s taking a cancer to make them realize how unimportant me being gay really is. Steve made the phone calls to his parents first and then to mine.

"How did it go, your mother didn't want to hang up from me, she knows that this isn't good because I won't tell her over the phone, she told me straight out that I was lying to her. It wasn't easy but I finally got her to say that they would be here I didn't have any problems with my folks my mom said they would be here and she didn't ask any questions. How do you want to do this tonight? Do you want the doctors here to tell them because I can ask Dr. Grisales to be here to explain it to them?"

"No, you can explain it to them because I don't know if I can get through the explanation without becoming unglued Steve. I hate to ask you, but I' m asking, will you do this for me I can't look at my mother and try and explain this, I know I just won't get through it?

"You know I'll do whatever you want me Michael. Surgery is tomorrow how are you doing? You getting scared yet?" We hadn't said to much about the surgery coming up. It isn't that we were avoiding the subject it's just there wasn't much to discuss anymore. We pretty much were taking it day by day. Steve was at the hospital every minute that he wasn't at work. He hadn't told them at work what was really going on he just told them that I was having a surgery of some kind. He told my boss what was really going on because he wasn't sure what was going to happen to me and going back to work after the surgery. The doctor wasn't saying that I couldn't but he was saying that I could right away either.

"Yes Steve I'm scared the doctor said I could have some sedatives any time that I wanted them today. I haven't taken any so far but I think you should go ask the nurse to get me whatever he ordered, I want to stay calm the rest of the day until our parents come and especially for when their here." He walked out of the room to find the nurse and I began to contemplate how my mother and father were going to take the news. I knew my mother wasn't going to handle it well but I wasn't sure about my father I started to cry again the last few days I was doing that I a lot. I tried to stop I didn't want to let Steve see me like this I hated crying in front of him for some reason even if I did have a good reason this time. I didn't stop in time and he walked back into the room. He walked over to the bed and sat down next to me and just put his arms around me and pulled me into him.

"Come on now, your going to be fine, the operation is going to go off without a hitch and you'll be on your feet in no time and back home with me where you belong in a few days. So don't cry besides I don't want your eyes all puffy and red when our parents get here, they'll be lost before I even begin to tell them what's going on." Thankfully we were interrupted by the delivery of my dinner tray. I uncovered the plate and looked at this bland looking piece of meat and vegetables that had no color it was the last thing that I wanted to eat.

"Do me a favor go downstairs and get me a sandwich there is no way I'm going to eat this dinner, it looks like paste potatoes, colorless vegetables and boiled meat. Please don't subject my last dinner before surgery to this. " Steve got up and smiled and looked at my dinner plate and agreed with me.

"What kind do you want? Anything special?"

"I don't care at this point anything will be better than what's sitting in front of me right now, surprise me just get me something you know I'll eat Steve." With that he was out the door and on his way downstairs. I put the lid back on my dinner and laid my head down. Donna walked in the door the

second after I had closed my eyes.

"I have your juice Mr. Mathews." Donna was always happy and put a smile on my face whenever she walked into my room

"I wish that you would stop calling me Mr. Mathews you make me sound old and I'm at least half your age, will you please just call me Michael or Mike? Either one is good I just feel like Mr. Mathews is so formal and stiff sounding."

"Okay Mike I'll try but I've always addressed my patients as Mr or Mrs when I talk to them. But I'll work on calling you Mike. Now, give me that IV I have what the Dr. Grisales ordered for you. This might make you sleepy and you might drift in and out a little but don't worry about sleeping tonight. I saw your orders for bedtime and if you want it Dr. Davenport left orders for some good sleeping pills. Even if you take another dose of this sedative before bed you'll be able to order the sleeping pill to. Now relax and eat your dinner, your not getting anything after midnight."

"I can't eat that meal, I sent Steve down to get me a sandwich from the cafeteria. He'll be back in a few minutes with some real food." We both laughed and Donna took my tray and left the room. Steve wasn't long before he walked back into the room. There was just enough time for the shot that Donna had given me to start taking effect.

"Oh boy Donna gave me my sedative, boy this is good stuff, I'm really starting to feel relaxed. I should have asked for this earlier. I hope I don't

drift off on you and the parents. Forgive me now if I do."

"I'll think about it, for now I bought you a BLT with the bacon extra crisp just the way you like it. So come on and sit up and eat this before you do drift off and then it will get soggy and gross and you won't want to eat it an hour from now." I did as he said because he was right I hate eating a sandwich once it's been sitting to long. He had gotten one for himself so we ate our dinner together, he had to tap me once or twice so that I didn' t nod off but we got through dinner and I finished my sandwich. Then he pulled out another bag and brought out a brownie for me. I love brownie's their my favorite.

"I know why I love you now, you bring me brownies!" I started laughing because I was getting really drowsy. I finished half of the brownie and told him to hold onto the rest because I couldn't finish it. He ate it instead. We talked and watched the television for a little while and I drifted in and out a little as Donna said I would. She stuck her head in the door a few minutes before seven to let me know that she was leaving.

"I'm headed home but I'll be in tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you to get back from recovery. You'll be gone in the morning before I get in, so take

care and don't worry you have some good doctors taking care of you tomorrow Mike. Listen Steve, I told Lisa to get you a bed in here for tonight I figured you'd want to stay so I just told her to put one in here."

"Thanks so much Donna I'll see you tomorrow, have a good supper ready for me for when I wake up!" She laughed and waved good bye and was out the door. A few minutes later Steve's parents walked into the room. Mrs. C came over to me and gave me a hug and Mr. C came over to shake my hand at the same time he looked me in the eyes for a few seconds and just continued to hold my hand.

"I'm sure everything is going to be okay, no matter what's going on I have faith in the man upstairs and I've asked him to make sure that you get well soon." I was unprepared for his sentiment and it caught me off guard I began to get tears in my eyes but tried desperately not to let the waterworks start we still had a long evening ahead of us and they didn't know what lay in store yet. He shook my hand vigorously for a few more seconds and walked away. I had held myself together I was thankful for the hearty final handshake and his decision to walk away when he did.

"How are you feeling, you look okay Michael?" Mrs. C was the one to get the conversation going. I was grateful that the silence was broken.

"I feel okay, I'm not really feeling sick at all but we'll get into more of that if you don't mind my parents are coming and I'd like to wait until

they get here so that we can tell you all at once what's happened and what' s ahead, please be patient a little while longer." They both nodded their heads in agreement and we all continued to make small talk while we waited for my parents to arrive. We didn't have to long about a half hour later my parents walked in the door. This was the first time that I had seen my father since the phone call I was nervous how to act or what to say to him. He was the one that made the first move and it surprised me a lot. My father was never the one to take the first step when it came to mending fences. He leaned into and put his arms around and pulled me towards him while he was still in a standing position. I felt like he meant it that's how hard he hugged me, everything between us was at that instance, mended. No matter what happened from this point forward I felt like that everything between him and I was good. My Mother finally patted him on the side and pushed him aside so that she could hug me to. I could hear her trying to control herself so that she wouldn't cry at that moment. My savior was the one that kept things moving along.

"Dad, will you come and help me get some chairs, there are some right next door in the waiting room. They won't mind if we take a few for a little bit while you're all here." Steve and his father headed out the door and my father followed right behind them. It took them all of two minutes to have enough chairs for them all to sit down. I looked up at the clock for some reason it was eight o'clock on the dot I wondered how long this discussion was going to last tonight. I looked at Steve and gave him a nod to let him know that it was time to let them all know the truth.

"Mike and I have talked about this and we decided that I'm going to tell you what's going on and why he's in the hospital." He came over to the bed

and sat down and took my hand in his. I wasn't ashamed or uncomfortable in front of my parents for the first time in my life, and I didn't even know why.

"Mike had an accident the night we came home from the dinner at our house Mom. He was half way up the steps, lost consciousness and fell back down and cracked his head good on the landing. We ended up calling 911 because he wasn't coming to that quickly and I was worried. After they took some X-Rays they discovered something in his brain but they couldn't be sure so the doctor ordered a MRI for him. That's when we got the answer as to what the problem was. There's no easy way to say this so be patient and just let me finish telling you what's going to happen tomorrow and why. Michael has a Glioblastomas Tumor and tomorrow morning they are going to perform what's called Neuroedoport Surgery on his brain. What that means is that they're going to make a small hole in his skull go in and take out as much of the tumor as they can. At the same time they're going to put a capsule in his brain that will be his Chemotherapy. Depending on the results of the surgery and the Chemo they may or may not give him radiation treatments after that. Because of the type of surgery they're doing they explained it to us that it' s the least invasive surgery they can do and it offers the least amount of scarring. The other benefits are that there are fewer side effects and fewer complications and his recovery time will be faster because of how small the incision is. He'll be in surgery for a few hours then go into recovery for a few hours but he should be back up here in his room by mid afternoon but the doctor thinks he'll be awake enough to have dinner tomorrow night. That's pretty much it, I think I've covered what's happened and what's going to happen in the next few days." I sat there thinking that I couldn't have done or said it better my hero had said it. My mother was the one that asked the inevitable question.

"What's the prognosis's down the road, what are his chances of success in his recovery process? And I don't want to ask this question but I have to know you two, what's the survival rate with this type of cancer?" It was the one word I hated using not because I was trying to hide from the truth I

just hated the way it sounded and what it implied when you told people that you had it and how they reacted to the whole thing. It just didn't seem so bad when you used the tumor instead of cancer. Don't ask me why it's that way it just is.

"We're not going to lie to you, Michael doesn't want that but the truth isn't good. The success rate is very slim, Mike has at best about a ten percent chance of surviving." There it was the bombshell I just couldn't bear hearing and right then and there I had to hold myself together for my mother's and father's sake. It didn't do much good my mother just dropped her head into her hands and started crying as did my father. Mr. C was holding together and Mrs. C was fighting back the tears trying to be strong for me I guess. My hero was the one that tried to get them to focus and help them collect themselves.

"Okay now that you know the whole picture we want you to know that Michael and I and I mean Michael and I have made the decision to fight this with everything that we can. I've been looking for any kind of treatment that's new and even remotely successful for this kind of tumor. Up to this point I haven't found anything but we aren't giving up either. The both of us are continuing the search. My mother finally collected herself and asked the only question that no one had uttered out loud yet.

"How long if they can't beat this, just tell me how long Michael." Again it was my champion that came to my side because there was no way I could look my mother in the eyes and tell her this one, this was going to have her become completely unglued, this was the thing that was going to push her over the edge. I thought more than once that if I had children and they came to me and had to tell me what I was telling my mother and father I would want to kill myself before I watched my child die in front of my very eyes. I couldn't imagine what this was like for them to have to listen to this news and what the final out come was going to be. I was still fighting with myself to keep it together. I wanted so badly to be strong for them.

"Maybe a year." There wasn't a nice way to say it or sugar coat it. The reality was what it was. How else can you say it? Twelve months, three hundred and sixty five days, eight thousand seven hundred and sixty hours, five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes. What difference did it make how you broke it down I wouldn't see my twenty third birthday if the cancer won. I lost it and so did my parents my mother ran from the room and my father looked at me held up his hand to let me know that he'd be back but he had to go get my mother and try to get her to calm down. Mrs. C. came over to my bed and hugged me and kissed my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry Michael, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this when your so young I wish it was me instead of you." She was being so wonderful

and loving she was being a mother. Mr. C came over to me and hugged me just the same as she had.

"No matter what happens Mike as far as I'm concerned your part of the Craigen family. Whatever you two boys have decided to do with your lives you don't deserve this you two have just begun to have your lives together. It may not be the time for this but we need to do something for you two to signify your being together. As soon as you get out of the hospital and are strong enough we'll do something at the house. I want you and Steve to plan something. And we'll pay for everything, we've set money aside over the years for all the kids for when they got married. I know you two can't get married legally but the money is there for you to use as you two wish. Just because you can't get married doesn't mean that I'm not going to give Steve the money that we've set aside for him to use. So since your going to fight this, the first step is going to be to plan whatever kind of ceremony or party that you two want to have. That's your responsibility in getting better is that a deal?" To say that I was in shock was an understatement. I never in a million years expected to hear Mr. C. say what he did. It certainly made me think of something else other than crying and feeling bad about everything.

"There's something else I want to do for you two right now. I want to put some money into your checking account Steve. I know with Michael not working there's no money coming in to help with the rent and bills and phone and pretty soon the medicine will start and that's going to cost plenty. It' s not a loan consider this part of a wedding present if you want to call it something. But I don't want you two stressing out over money and food and prescriptions you'll have enough to worry about besides money and I want you to use all your strength in getting better. I'll get the bank to put twenty five thousand in your account in the next couple of days Steve, I'll use the account that you have at my bank and then you can transfer it to Mike' s account so that he has the access to it whenever he needs it. I don't want Mike to have to worry, I'm sure your mother agrees me on this one." Mrs. C nodded her head in consent. I was overwhelmed with both their emotional and financial generosity. I was at a loss for words but I had to say something to them both.

"I don't know what to say, I know you don't have to do this, I'll be forever grateful to you both. I'm in shock I don't know how to say thank you or if that's even enough for what you've just said and done, the money the ceremony or party you want us to have. Your both wonderful and have been so supportive when you could have turned your backs on us. But you didn't and just for that I will be forever grateful. It has helped me in more ways than you know. Between Steve repeatedly telling me to stand up and live my life the way I want to without being ashamed and your support from the whole family has given the strength to stand up and do just as he says. I love the both of you more than you'll ever know." I was dumbstruck I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders knowing that there was going to be that kind of money in my account. I'd be able to stay living where we are and be able to eat and buy the drugs I was going to need in the next couple of months. That had just helped me in more ways than they knew or perhaps they did know what it meant for me to have that money to count on. It wasn' t long after and my parents returned to the room my mother looked pale and my father was helping her walk.

"Listen you two we're going to leave and let you two talk to your parents Michael. We're going to go home and I'm going to call the kids and let them know what's going on. Steve before we leave I want you to write this all

down so I know what I'm saying when I tell your brother and sisters. I'll never remember what you've told us in the last half hour. And you know me by the time we get home I won't remember a thing of what you said." Steve and his parents were getting up to leave Mrs. C came over and hugged me again and Mr. C shook my hand.

"We'll be back tomorrow Michael probably while your still in surgery. We' ll be praying for you. You go in that operating room tomorrow and know that

God is on your side. I'll be calling my prayer group the minute I walk in the door at home, count on it." The three of them huddled together and walked out the door headed for the elevator leaving my parents and I alone for the first time in a long time.

"I want you to know that no matte what Michael your mother and I love you very much. We'll do everything we can to help you fight this. We want you to come home after you get out of the hospital. We want to take care of you so that you don't have to worry about money or anything else while your fighting this tumor." It made me feel good that they were offering to take care of me and that I knew I could go home and feel safe if I needed to.

"Thanks and I mean that. I won't need to come home I'm going to be staying with Steve, not that I feel like you don't want me home I know that your sincere in telling me that I can come home and have a place to stay that's safe. But in all honesty we live a lot closer to the hospital than if I was living at home with you guys. And I need to be with Steve, I know you two are having a hard time with Steve and what that means, but he's what I need right now more than anything. I know you don't realize how much strength he gives me with support and love that he shares with me. He's the one that' s helped me get this far. And I know you haven't known up to this point so I want you to know that I don't think that you wouldn't give me all the support you could if I was at home. But believe me I'm still going to need to draw on you and I'm still going to need the both of you to help me get though this in the next couple of months. I'll need everybody's help believe me."

I don't think my mother was to happy that I wasn't going home I know she wanted to take care of me, it's just a mother's instinct to want to take care of their young and since I was the youngest she really wanted me to come home. The only thing I could do was try and reassure her that if need be I would move home in an instant.

"Mom, if it anytime it becomes necessary I will move home so that you can take care of me alright?" I knew she wasn't happy that I wasn't going to change my mind but she resigned herself to accept it.

"How are you going to survive financially Michael, your not going to be able to work like you might think. What are you going to do for money, Steve does not make enough money for the two of you to live on. And they are going to be prescribing drugs and things for you that your going to need, how are you going to handle that, I don't see that you have any other options other than to move home." My father was thinking about my finances and I was thankful but with the gift from Steve's parents money at the moment wasn't going to be a problem I couldn't live on it forever. We were going to have to be careful but I knew we could make it last for awhile as long as we kept an eye on our spending. The thing I had to do now was tell them that they had given the money to us.

"Well to be honest with you Steve's parents just gave Steve and I a present, I'm a little embarrassed to say that they're putting twenty five thousand dollars into my checking account for Steve and I to use as we see fit while I'm out of work." I thought maybe if I didn't go into details we could leave the details out of the picture as to what the gift really represented otherwise it would bring up the gay issue and for right now we were pretty much not discussing it and everyone was getting along just fine.

"They just gave you a gift of twenty five grand? Just like that? There must have been a reason besides that your not working so they just gave you money to survive on. That's pretty generous just so you and Steve will be able to stay in the townhouse. There must be more to it than that." My father always the one to look further into things, never satisfied with things the way they are he's got to dig when he doesn't like the answer he's getting and he'll keep digging until he gets to the bottom of whatever he's asking about. I figured I might as well get it over with and tell them what it really was for it would be interesting to see what he had to say about the whole thing.

"Since your asking and I know you, you'll keep asking until you find out all the details. Mr. And Mrs. C. gave the money to us as a present. I don't

know how to say this to you other than to say you could call it a wedding present. I don't know how you'll take this because I know how you feel about me being gay Dad, I know you don't approve. So telling you all this isn' t going to be easy for you to hear but since your asking I'm going to be honest with you. And I'm being honest not to hurt you or to rub your nose in it or anything like that I'm being honest because for the first time in my life I have someone in my life that's standing beside me and telling me that it's okay to say I'm gay and that I should stand up for what and who I am. With that being said Steve has asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, funny, I guess that might not be that long now. But if I do survive this then I've already told Steve that I would because I love him more than anyone I have ever loved in my life. I know you don't understand that but that's the way it is. We told Steve's parents over dinner last Sunday and they have taken me in with open arms. They want us to have a ceremony or party after I get out of the hospital and am capable enough to do it. I hope that you will both come it would mean a lot to me, I'll understand if you don't but it will hurt me if you don't. And in the past few days I've come to learn one thing very clearly, life is to short Dad we might not have much time left I'd rather spend what time I might have left with us not fighting. I guess I'm asking you to forget how you feel and think about gay people, just love me and accept Steve and I for who we are. Can I ask that of you? Will you do that for me Dad?"

He just looked at me and didn't saying anything to me. I wasn't going to say anything I was going to wait for him to say something, good bad or indifferent I was going to wait. The silence between us was broken by Steve walking back into the room. He walked directly over to my bed and stood on the

opposite side of my mother and father he reached down and took my hand and put it in his, never saying a word.

"It's not that I hate you Michael I don't you're my son and I love you. I'm not ashamed of who or what you choose to be it's your life to live and

you're the one that has to live with the decisions that you make in it. Your right in that fact that I don't believe that two men should go to bed with each other it's not what God intended but I'm not going to get into that argument with you. If sharing the rest of your life with Steve is what you want then there is nothing I can do about it. But I won't shut you out of my life by ignoring you or by not accepting Steve along with you. I will go to this ceremony thing if that's what you want. Just as Steve's parents gave you a gift your mother and I will do the same, we put money aside for you to get married the same as for your sister when she got married and when your brother got married. I hope yours lasts longer than your brothers. But I'll wait until your ceremony to give you two your wedding present as you put it. Can you live with that, can the both of you live with how I feel?"

I was surprised but I think that because of the tumor his views were forcefully changed about how he felt about me being gay but if I survived this he might feel the same way for a very long time.

"I can deal with that Dad and I think Steve can to at least your being honest and that's the one thing that Steve has taught me the most about living my life, it's just to live it honestly." I felt good with the way that our conversation had gone at least I felt like I could go to bed and sleep knowing that my father didn't hate me like I thought he did. I could tell by the look on my mother's face that she was relieved that my father and I had worked out our differences it made her relax a little I think.

"I think it's time that we get going Frank, Michel needs to get some rest and the boys will want to talk I'm sure." My mother and father came over to my bed and both of them hugged me at the same time it had been a long time since I had been hugged by both of my parents at the same time. It took me back to memories of my childhood and with those thoughts running through my head the flood gates opened and the tears came flowing out I couldn't stop them no matter how hard I tried. They both just hung onto me. My father let go first and sat down in the chair with tears in his eyes my mother just hung on and rocked me back and forth the same way she had done so many times when I was a child after I had skinned my knee or fallen off my bike. It was her way of trying to make me feel better, I did. Steve walked out of the room and I wondered where he was going perhaps he was just giving my parents and I some time to be alone. He was so good to me since we had heard the news I knew why I loved him so much. My mother let go and wiped away her tears and gently kissed my forehead.

"We love you Michael and we'll be here in the morning. Do you know what time Steve is coming here?"

"He's staying here with me for the night my day nurse has arranged for them to bring a bed in for Steve to sleep in tonight so he can stay with me."

At the mention of his name he came back into the bedroom followed by Jason

my nurse. He was carrying a syringe and I knew then what Steve had done when he left the room. Jason asked how I was feeling and put the needle into the IV line and pushed I knew in a few minutes that I would be able to relax and would calm down.

"He just gave him a sedative that's where I had gone. I knew he was going to need it. I suggest you say good night I'm not trying to push you out believe me I just know that he's going to really start to relax in a minute because this sedative had something in it that will also help him sleep, doctors orders." I hadn't counted on that I wanted to talk to Steve after my parents left.

"We'll see you in the morning Steve, are you going to wait here in his room while he's in surgery or in a waiting room somewhere else?"

"I'll be here in his room, they'll let me know when he gets out of surgery and goes to recovery. I told my parents to come here to so feel free to come when ever you want to. I suggest you come around lunchtime he'll probably be out of surgery by then and in recovery and hopefully be back in the room shortly after that."

"Good night Michael, we'll see you tomorrow." My parents walked out of the room and Steve went with them to walk them to the elevator. I was grateful that he did I knew my mother would appreciate him doing so. By the time he returned I was getting groggy and was having a hard time keeping my eyes open.

"That wasn't fair, I wanted to talk to you before I feel asleep. You shouldn't have gone and told the nurse to give me that shot now."

"You needed it you were getting to upset and I don't want you getting that upset tonight. I wanted to make sure that you were calm and relaxed I know it wasn't easy because of telling all of them and then dealing with their reactions but I think you did really well with both sets of parents. Im proud of the way you handled your father you didnt pull any punches and you let him know exactly where we stood. I didnt walk my parents all the way to the elevator I said my good byes to them right outside the door. I wanted to be close by in case things between you and your father didnt go well. I wasnt sure what he was going to say to you and I wasnt going to leave you alone." I took his hand in mine and pulled him onto the bed.

"If I haven't told you lately I love you your to good to me. I'm going to have a lot of paying you back for all this time that your taking care of me I'm feeling spoiled by all you do."

"Don't worry I'm keeping track and making a list, you'll be busy for about two years after this surgery and the treatments are over with. So be prepared to being busy kissing my butt when your all better." We both laughed over his idle amusing threats. He crawled up into the bed to lay next to me I remember resting my head on his shoulder right before I fell into a restful sleep. Jason was the one that woke me up at five thirty in the morning Steve was still laying next to me and was sound asleep.

"I thought I would wake you before any of the morning crew started showing up and it just so happens I need to draw some blood from you at the same time."

"Did you actually let me sleep all night Jason without any interruption? I 'm so glad that you did. I haven't been able to sleep all night since I was admitted you guys seem to take great delight in waking people who sleep at night for some silly blood pressure test or take my temperature!" I was joking with him because it seemed in the past two nights that every time I drifted off he would come in to take my blood pressure or my temperature. The both of us were laughing which in turn woke Steve up.

"Good morning sleepy head Jason was nice enough to not bother us all night so I had a good nights sleep for once since I've been here. Probably because I got to sleep with you in my bed."

"Listen Mike after I've done taking your blood I have to go and get a shot for you that was ordered for your prior to be taken down for surgery. The

surgical team called about fifteen minutes ago and said that they would be up for you around six fifteen so I have to give you this shot to help you relax and not get stressed out before you go down there. I also wanted to give you the chance to go the bathroom before your wheeled down." Surgery day was here and all of a sudden I wanted to throw up. Jason had finished with the blood work and left the room reminding me that he would be back in a few minutes with a syringe in his hand. He kept his word about five minutes later he was standing at the door waiting for me to get back in my bed.

"Jason can I take a shower quick once you give me my shot I really want to clean up good before I go down there. I don't know when I'll get the chance after the surgery.? I thought I would have more time than this I guess they moved up my surgery time. I promise to take just a few minutes, I'll be just long enough to wash the highlights good and then I'll get out, I'll have Steve standing by until I'm done and back in bed."

"Steve you have four minutes to get him through the shower and dried and back in bed this medicine I'm going to give him will make him really relax and he might not feel like standing up once it starts to take effect. Promise you'll watch him?"

"I'll push him to get this done quickly." Jason was busy disconnecting my IV tube and wrapping it up so that I wouldn't get it wet. I proceeded to get off the bed and head to the bathroom. Steve was already running the water for me to get it to the right temperature. I reverted back to my military boot camp days and whizzed through the shower. By the time I was back in bed the medicine was doing exactly what Jason had said it would I had no intention of standing up. Steve pulled the sheet up over me and then the blanket making sure it was straightened up and that I was covered. I knew the surgery room would be cold. Jason had told Steve that they would be taking me down in the bed I was in that way when the surgery was done they could put me right back into while I was still passed out and easier for them to deal with me. I had a hard time trying to keep my eyes open for to long but I didn't feel like going to sleep not at that point anyway. I had things I wanted to say to Steve before they put me out and I knew that it had to be now while we were alone. I didn't want anyone to hear what I had to say.

"Listen to me Steve, first of all come over here and sit down next to me. I have something that I want to tell you. I love you number one, more than you'll never know. I was the lucky one that had time to love you before we actually got together. I want to thank you for being my friend none of my friends have meant as much to me as you do. If I don't make it if something goes wrong during surgery...." Steve stopped me in my tracks.

"Nothing is going to go wrong during surgery you'll be fine and you'll be back in this room and we'll be having dinner tonight together. By the way what do you want for dinner? I'll make sure it's here and waiting for you when it's dinner time." He was rushing he didn't want me to continue this

conversation I could tell he was nervous because he was playing with his hands again.

"Surprise me for dinner whatever it is make sure it's not the same thing that we can share what were having for dinner. Now let me finish what I had started to say in the first place. I love you very much and want to thank you for asking me to share the rest of your life with me. You will always be in my heart no matter what, I will never forget that you taught me what it means to really love a man and have that man love you back like you do. I have been truly blessed for having had the privilege of knowing you and for opening my eyes to a world that I thought I knew all about and in the process I`ve discovered that I didn't know anything. It's been a wonderful

adventure up to this point and if I don't make it I will be forever grateful for having been touched by another human being in a way that I never thought possible. Thanks for the ride." It was really getting hard to concentrate and talk to him at the same time. Besides the drug making me wacky one of the side effects of this tumor is that it makes concentrating on any one thing next to impossible at times. I was getting frustrated quickly and he could tell.

"Be quiet now and let the medicine do what it's designed for. I don't want you going into surgery and being upset or unable to think straight like you want to, understand what I'm saying?" He stepped back but didn't let go of my hand the whole time. I understood and nodded my head in agreement with him. I don't remember falling asleep at all. The next thing I knew I was in the operating room and they were moving me from my bed to the operating table. And I didn't care at all I just wanted them to get the ball rolling and have this done and behind me. The doctor that was going to put me to sleep for this whole affair was standing right behind me or should I say at my head because when I looked up I could see the bright lights of the ceiling and I could see up his nose. I felt like I was at a carnival side show of some kind it made me want to laugh in his face but he was to high up for me to reach him. He looked down at me and started talking to me all of a sudden.

"Are you comfortable right now Michael?" I just shook my head yes, there was no way that I could form the words and get them out of my head. I thought that was really stupid and silly and just started to laugh at him.

"He's just about ready a little juice in the old IV and he'll be in la la land in about thirty seconds. Unless he holds out for some reason but I don't think he's going to have the will power to do anything. He told me to start counting backwards starting at twenty one.

"Twenty one, twenty, nineteen, eighteen, fifteen, sixteen, fourteen, thirteen......eleven...........night..........eight.............and the lights went out in georgia. " I was really warm and felt like there was about one hundred pounds of blanket laying on top of me it felt really marvelous to me. Besides that fact I was really thirsty and wanted something to drink I was so dry in my throat that panther piss would have tasted good at this point in time. Thank God I had an understanding orderly taking care of me in the recovery room.

"What time is it and when do I get back to my room?" The orderly that was taking care of me came up beside me\by the bed so that I could see him without moving my head and having pain at the same time. Just get me something to drink please I'll be forever grateful to any man or woman who does so." My throat and tongue felt like the Sahara Desert at about two hundred degrees. I knew that pretty soon I would convert to begging if I didn't get something to drink. The resolve to not beg didn't last very long within minutes I was yelling for an orderly or nurse, to anyone that would get me something so that I could quench my thirst. The orderly came back into the room with a Dixie cup in his hand about the size of the one that you get when you go to the dentist and they give you that cup to drink from that holds about an ounce or two of liquid. As far as ice chips went it held about a dozen pieces all about the size of a baby pea. Those in the cup were melting fast to say the least. I didn't disregard what the doctor had said completely but I put about half the cup of those little bitty pieces of ice on my tongue, waited about four seconds and swallowed the entire contents of whatever was in my mouth. God it was like heaven when I finally got to swallow the rest of those ice chips.

At least by this point I was looking all around and still I wanted to know how long before the nurse at the desk would let me go back to my room.

"As soon as you can stay awake for ten minutes without nodding off and continue to play the game of staying awake. Then I'll tell them to let you go back upstairs to your room."

By two o'clock I was able to stay awake for a solid ten minutes when the head nurse finally told them to push me back to my room. I was glad it was all over I was happy to get to my room. I was happy to see Steve standing there when the elevator doors opened. I was glad to see his smiling face and it made me feel better just knowing that the surgery was over and he was there just as he had promised me.

"Hey big guy, your awake and looking good, love the turban you should keep that look especially that nice bright white makes you look like you have some color in your face."

"Funny very funny mister, what are you going to do for your next act?" He had taken my hand as they pushed the bed down the hall back towards my room. I could see my parents standing there waiting and the closer we got I could her Steve's parents talking. To say the least I was glad that they were

there, I was happy to see all of them as tired as I was I wanted them there I wanted people around me more than anything else in the world.

"Well don't you look like a million bucks coming down the hallway." My father came towards bent down and kissed the top of my forehead. My mother was right behind him took hold of my hand and kissed it. They both had tears in their eyes. I was so glad that they were there. The orderly's that brought me back pushed my bed into the room and got me situated and all the things that needed to be hooked up were done. Donna was right behind them making sure I was back in place and that I was okay.

"You look good, they said everything went well, but you knew that. I'll let you tell this group what they said. Please everyone not to long and not to much, he might be bright eyed and bushy tailed right now but pretty soon he's going to get tired and I don't want my patient over worked right now I want him recuperating like he's supposed to." Donna had taken the time while she was talking to make sure my bed was straightened out and that the sheet and covers were pulled up she made sure I was comfortable.

"Thanks Donna I'll make sure he doesn't overdue it. Would you just please get him some fresh water and ice?" Steve was taking care of me and seemed to be glued to my bedside.

` "I'll take care of that and if there is anything else just ring for me and I'll come running." Donna was out the door in a heartbeat to get my water refilled and refreshed. I just laid there for a few minutes and looked at all of them. I never appreciated them all as I did then. I was happy that they were here. I just had to tell them what the doctors had said to me before I came back to my room.

"I don't know what they've told you all this point. But they are pretty sure they got everything there's nothing left that they could detect but to be on the safe side they put the capsule for the chemo in anyway. If there was anything left that should take care of it. They won't take any MRI's for at least two weeks to see if there is anything in there still. They were happy with the way everything went and the outlook is good as we speak." There was a sigh of relief from all of them. We all sat there for awhile making small talk and them telling me that everyone wished me the best and that most of them would be staying in touch with our parents instead of bothering me in the hospital. Some said they would come by the house once I was at home. My brother was never mentioned either by me or more parents. I wondered what he was thinking about all of this. The last time we talked it hadn 't been very good we had parted on a bad note. Before to much time had elapsed the folks said their goodbye's and left. I was thankful that they didn' t stay that long Donna had been right for the short time that they had been there I was getting tired.

"How you holding up Mike? You getting tired or do you want to talk some?"

I could hear the concern in his voice. And the unspoken question that neither one of us wanted to say out loud. But it had to be said we had to face the reality of what was happening. Steve was the one that broke the ice.

"What are we going to do if they didn't get it all, what if there's more in there, what if they missed some and it grows back Mike, what are we going to do? He was talking fast which meant he was nervous. I motioned for him

to come over and sit next to me on the bed.

"First of all Steve, that's why they put that capsule in just in case they missed any the capsule will hopefully kill any that remains. If that doesn't do it then we'll talk about radiation treatments. And we will face each bridge as we get to it, there's nothing else we can do beyond that. And don't worry in the meantime I'll do enough for both of us. They told me in about a week the chemo will be working and I'll probably get sick. Not everyone does but most do so be prepared to handle me being sick. If I don't that will be great." He wanted to hug me and I could see the hesitation in his body language.

"If you want to hug me you can, I'm not going to break you know!" I tried to sound upbeat and jovial with him I needed him to relax some he was to uptight over this. He leaned in to me and hugged me and I squeezed him really tight. I wanted to show him that I wouldn't break which is what he thought I made do for some reason.

"I know your not going to break Babe, I just don't want to hurt you."

"Well they only cut my head open they didn't cut anywhere else. So relax now and hug me like you always do I need that the most. I just need to feel like everything is normal and that it's going to be okay with us. I don't

want to lose you over this."

"You are not going to lose me Babe, I'm not going anywhere, we are in this together and just like I told you before we are going to beat this together do you hear me? What kind of man would I be if I walked away from you now? I'd be a shit head a low life that's what I'd be. Certainly not a man."

The next couple of days went by pretty quickly and before I knew it I was being let out of the hospital to go home, home with Steve. I had been wanting that since the night we had come and I had been admitted. I thought that

I would feel so much better just in the fact that I would be at home in my our environment able to kick back and relax. When Dr. Grisales discharged me he told me off the record that he felt smoking pot might help me not get so sick when the chemo started really kicking in. He told me that some of his colleagues didn't feel the same way he did about pot and it helping me going through chemo and radiation therapies. I realized then why I liked him so much he was always so honest with me and had been since the start of the whole journey. I had to laugh when I thought about that I wondered just far into the journey I really was. In the scheme of things I had just begun and I felt like I had been through so much just up to this point. Would I be able to make the rest of the journey and survive? That was the big question that kept coming into my head, would I be able to survive? I wasn't angry with God anymore it wasn't his fault, he didn't give me this it just happened. Everyone has a cancer cell in their body and at some point in your life the coating around that cell breaks down and if it's exposed to something cancerous then you face the possibility of getting some kind of cancer. So I couldn't blame God anymore. I was still angry but not as much as I had been in the beginning. At least I wasn't swearing at God anymore. The ride home was different for me I was looking at everything with new respect life wasn't the same as before. Now I sat there looking and wondering was this the last time I'd see the trees like this, was it the last time I'd see this time of year, would I be looking at this this time next year. Those kind of thoughts just kept running around in my head and I couldn't get them to stop but somehow I had to get past this I had to move on and get my head to a new way of thinking, this wasn't going to be the last, whatever it was going to take for me to change I was going to find it. I was determined to be here for more than one more year I wanted more than that with Steve we had just begun and I didn't want it to be over before we had the chance to experience life together. He asked me to share my life with his I didn't want to be the one that let him down, he deserved more than that from me. He deserved more from me than just giving up and not trying, he deserved for me to try one hundred percent to be with him five years from now, ten years from now. And I discovered that I owed myself that. I deserved to be here ten years from now.

"A penny for your thoughts blue eyes." Blue eyes I hadn't heard that one before true I had blue eyes but he had never mentioned them before.

"A penny that's all I get? I think I'm worth more than that. I didn't want to tell him what I was thinking not yet anyway that was for another time

another frame of mind.

"Well since the surgery you haven't seen me with my bandages off, how you going to feel when you see me with no hair, they shaved it off when I had surgery. Steve liked to run his fingers through my hair any time after we had sex and I liked when he did. He knew they had but he hadn't seen me yet. Every time they had changed the bandages he had been at work I made sure they did it that way. I don't know why I just didn't want him to see me like this but he was going to now there was no way around it.

"Why do you think I'm going to love you any less because you have no hair? That would be pretty shallow of me don't you think? And how much love is there when your judging someone by their looks alone? Michael I love you for who you are not what you look like. I'll admit I got lucky that your totally hot!"

"You must be horny saying that!" I was teasing him he was making feel uncomfortable with what he was saying. I grew up thinking although I didn't consider myself ugly I certainly didn't think what someone would consider hot. I could feel my face turn red.

"Oh my god your blushing Babe, that's way to funny. You think your not hot don't you?" He was half laughing as he was saying this to me. I back handed him for laughing at me. He reached over and took my hand in his.

"I don't want you to think that your not hot in my book, you so are. Why do you think I always want to jump your bones? What, just because I'm horny

you think that's when I come looking for you? I come looking for you because I need to show my love for you, or I need to feel like you love me at times. And that's not to say that I think you don't love me I know you do I know that because you take care of me in the little things that you do for me."

"Okay I get it, I understand what your telling me and thank you for saying it, it means a lot to me to hear you say things like that. And not that you don't take care of me but in the next couple of weeks Steve your really going to have to take care of me. They don't want me doing any housework or doing a lot of work, they want me resting as much as possible. We're going to have to tell George that I won't be coming back to work right away. Your going to have to move into my position at work and take over as manager. You can bring some things home for me to do and I'll help you as much as I can from that point. I know you hate doing the schedule so bring that home and I'll do that for you. Bring me home all of the paperwork that has to be filled out for the state and I'll do that to. I don't know what else I can do from there but I'll help you as much as I can."

"If your staying home to rest Michael, your staying home to do just that. There will be no work, your function for the next couple of months is to rest and get better. I want you to do that the most. Please Michael that's all I want you to focus on."

"Alright Steve alright. But I have to find something to do I can't just sit in the house and do nothing I'll go crazy."

"We'll think of something Babe, we'll think of something but for now your only thing to do is get well, understand me I mean it Mike I really do." He wasn't angry but he was adamant in the way he told me.

We pulled into the parking space outside the house and I realized that my mother's car was parked beside us.

"Did you know my mother was going to be here?

"Yes, she came to help for the next couple of days."

"You didn't your going to make me stay with my mother for the next couple of days are you trying to be cruel to me?" I wasn't mad but at him but the last thing I wanted was my mother staying with me and fussing over me. I could just see it now, she wouldn't let me move I knew how she was when I would be sick as I kid.

"We have to change this Steve we have to there's no way I can put up with her staying here with us and taking care of me all day. She's going to smother me, she already things I'm defenseless in this condition. But I'm going to have to be able to move around the house and do little things. Promise me that you will help me get her out of the house and back to hers, promise me that mister right now."

"Alright Michael, calm down. Let her stay tonight and I'll work on something to get her to back down. You know she's just doing this because she cares and wants to see you get better."

"Maybe so but I won't be able to take her after a few days."

"Let's just go inside and for me just pretend that your happy to see her and that your glad she's come to help you, please for me"

"I will for your sake but your going to owe me for this one big time. And that's another thing how can we have sex in the house with my mother here. You make way to much noise when you cum, I'm surprised the neighbors haven' t complained about our lovemaking at this point. I'm not going without sex I can tell you that right now mister." I watched the smirk develop on his face.

Steve got out of the car while I waited for him to come around and help me. I just resigned myself to the fact that my mother was here and it wouldn' t be that bad perhaps it would give us a chance to mend the fences that had been broken. Maybe we could do some talking and I would be able to explain

more about why I had never said anything to her about being gay. It was either that or we would end up killing each other. I got out of the car and walked up to the front door. I leaned over towards Steve and kissed him before we opened the door. I was glad that I had.