If your not 18 you shouldn't be reading this come back when your old enough. This story contains sex between two males without the use of condoms. I strongly urge any male out there having sex with anyone to use condoms. Being safe is the only way to play and live a healthy life without the fear of std's. Be smart. Be safe. If you enjoy this story let me know I enjoyed writing this and might continue with some more of this story and what happens between Mike and Steve. All rights belong to the author. Contact me at Aragon76@aol.com (mailto:Aragon76@aol.com) with comments thoughts and suggestions you might have. Enjoy if nothing else! Thanks in advance to any and all replies they mean a lot to me and my writing ideas.
At last I laid there with Steve, in the arms of the man I was in love with. I wanted to pinch myself to make sure this was reality. But I knew this was real and here we were together in bed, the one place I had wanted to be for so long. And my mind went into that overdrive of fear that this wasn't going to last. This was after all the early eighties and being gay was still not the thing to be. As sure as he made it sound before we went to bed I wasn't so sure when he woke up that he was going to feel the same way about me. I had all my life to think about who and what I was. He just told me straight out that it was new to him, these feelings for me and the feelings of actually having sex with another man. He had been brought up in that heterosexual world of man meets girl, falls in love, gets married, has children you know the routine. What was going to be his reaction when he woke up and looked me in the face and couldn't escape the reality? I fell asleep with those thoughts running around in my head. But one thing is sure sleep after sex if totally restful, I hadn't slept like that in a long time.
I awoke to the sound of music blaring in the background and Gary and Roy yelling in the house. I was in automatic panic mode.
"Steve, Steve wake up." I whispered to him. I didn't want to have Gary and Roy hear me trying to wake him. I shook him by the shoulders to get him up.
"What, what's the matter? Why are you whispering?" He looked around and I began to see the realization that we weren't alone in the house anymore.
"Oh, they're home from work aren't they?" He said if flatly, the reality had set in and he was realizing the situation we were in. He was in my room, naked. He had no clothes in my room, how was he going to get to his room without those two wondering what he was doing coming out of my room with no clothes and from behind a closed door on top of everything else. I knew for sure my brother wasn't stupid and that he would jump to the correct conclusion in know time. I knew at that point that I didn't want my brother to
know but I wasn't sure what Steve's thought was on the subject. We really
hadn't had the time to discuss the subject and what we were going to do when the situation arose.
"You have a towel in here Mike?"
"Yea, I do." I began to realize where he was going with this and I thought it was a good idea. At least he could walk out of my bedroom and simply say that we were talking and he was on his way to take a shower. At least it was believable.
"Good, get that for me and I'll walk out of here and right to the shower, they'll never know what happened and everything will be okay."
"I'll get you the towel, that's what I think of the idea." I immediately grabbed the towel and handed it to him.
About that time there was a knock on the door. I dove back under the covers and Steve stood at the end of the bed.
"Open up Mike I need to talk to you for a minute." It was my cousin. At least it wasn't my brother, Gary wasn't one to jump to conclusions he was more in the habit of taking things at face value. So I knew when he came in he would just think that Steve and I were indeed just talking.
"Come on in Gary." The door handled jiggled but he wasn't coming in. Shit! I had left the door locked.
"Hold on Gary, the door must have locked when I closed the door." I was half trembling when I was telling him this, I was trying to think fast as to what to say if he asked me why the door was locked. I unlocked the door and
jumped right back into bed.
"Hey guys what's going on with you two? All of a sudden you need to lock the door when your home by yourselves?" I wanted to hide, I didn't know what to say all of a sudden.
"I must have hit the lock when I came in here to talk to Mike a few minutes ago." Steve had saved the day because I was still certainly dumb struck and couldn't think of anything to say to Gary.
"Mine does that all the time it seems almost every time I close the door it locks itself." Saved by the failing lock system of the bedrooms doors! I sighed a breath of relief upon Gary's declaration of his door.
"What's up Gary, what do you need?" I wanted to keep the conversation going in another direction other than why Steve was standing in my room with just a towel on and I was in bed at that hour with nothing on.
"Roy and I are going out, we're going to Ron's, just wanted to know if you two wanted to go along with us?" Gary was his jovial usual self at this point in time so I knew every thing was on normal mode and that he wasn't even wondering about the current situation between Steve and I.
"No thanks Gary, I don't want to go, It will end up being a late night and I have to get up to open up the restaurant in the morning. I think Steve is on the schedule to open with me to, but I don't remember, so it's up to him if he goes or not." I knew Steve was working the next morning but for some reason I just played dumb.
"Yea I am on the schedule for tomorrow morning, some asshole boss changed my time slot again, so I'm on mornings for the next couple of days I think I'll pass to. You and Roy can go, just say hello to Ron for me and tell him I'll be in at the end of the week to see him." Steve was being completely sarcastic when he referred to me as his asshole boss.
Ron's was one of the few places that we went to outside of the house when we were drinking. And the only reason we went there was Ron had become a good customer of the restaurant and I had begun to get to know him and he invited us to come and have drinks at his place since he came to the restaurant so often. That's how my friendship with Ron began and so we all started to frequent Ron's Place when we wanted to go out to have drinks instead of staying at home.
"Alright then I'll tell Roy that you two are whimping out on us." Gary gave a wave of his hand and was out the door and on the way down the stairs.
"That was close Steve, that was close." I sighed heavily as I said it. And before I could think evenly I just blurted out the next thing that popped into my head.
"What are we going to do Steve how are we going to handle this?" As much as I needed to know what he was thinking about our new relationship, I was just as terrified as to what he was actually going to say when he opened his
mouth.
He just stood there for a moment before he moved towards the bed and sat down. All to soon I had knots in my stomach again. The look on his face was hard to read at that precise moment. I wasn't sure what was going to come flowing out of his mouth. I didn't know if I wanted the side of Steve that just had his way with me to emerge or the analytical how do we handle the situation side to pop its head up. Why oh why do I have to let my emotions take a hold of me when this type of situation comes up? The air was literally getting thicker as we sat there without saying anything to each other. I couldn't talk because I was afraid of what Steve was going to say, why he wasn't talking I'm not sure, I still couldn't read his facial expressions. It was like listening to the movement of a second hand on a grandfathers clock. Time was standing still before me, and all I could do was wait for him to say something.
"Do you think we should wait until they are gone before we have this conversation? I don't want them to hear anything we have to say at this moment, right now it's none of their business, especially your brothers Michael."
"I'm not going to argue that point with you Steve, he's the last one I need on my back about this, he's not going to just take it and leave it alone.
I know how he feels about gays and believe me he doesn't have anything nice to say about it. I don't know what to do about it, he's not just all of a sudden going to change his mind about how he feels about it." I was talking almost in a whisper I didn't want anyone to hear us. I think when I used the word gays in front of Steve some of the reality of what was going on between us hit him square in the face. I don't think up to that point that Steve had considered the act between us had a label and the label was gay. Pure and simple no way around it I had put it out there on a silver platter for him to take in. I was making him look at the situation for what it really was for the first time. \ "I never thought of it in those terms Michael, I mean when I thought about it before I knew what it meant to want to have sex with you, I guess I just never put that label on it. I just thought about you and me and doing what we did, plain and simple no more no less. At this point in time I'm not really sure were we go from here as far as telling anyone else. Perhaps for right now we just don't say anything and go on as if nothing has changed between us and when we get the chance well steal some time together just for us."
"So what your really saying is that we won't say anything or let on that things have changed between us. But whenever possible we'll sneak around for a quickie behind everyone's back and just keep playing the straight game?" I was pissed off, I realized of course I had not much room to talk about keeping secrets and not saying anything to anyone. But at that moment I realized that for Steve it was just going to be about the sex, a quick slam bam thank you man and off we'll go and for pretense we won't let anyone hopefully catch on as to what is really happening. I wasn't sure what exactly what I wanted from him, but I thought I wanted more than he was suggesting. I thought he would give me more than what he was offering . I wasn't sure how we could arrive at that situation and move forward, but what I wasn't looking for was just being a piece of ass for him to have when he thought we could get away with it. I knew I wanted more.
"Then I suggest we forget about this for now. You do your thing and I will do mine. I don't want you to feel like you owe me something, you don't. I just felt like before we hopped in bed you wanted more than just sex." I know I have no room to talk about not wanting to be found out, but I really thought we would work on it together and it's plain to see that's not what your looking at." Now I was really getting pissed, my Irish temper was beginning to boil and I can feel my ears beginning to turn red. That's not a good sign with me, when the ears turn red I have a habit of really getting mad and start to say and do things that sometimes I regret later after I have had time to cool off.
"I do want more Michael, it's just I don't know how to go about it at this point in time. I don't know what to do right now. You just have to give me
time that's all I'm asking of you, is that to much to ask?" His temper was
beginning to match mine he was being just as short with me as I was with him. All to often my Irish pride gets in the way of good judgment and I get on a fast track to destruction.
"Fine, take all the fucking time you need Steve, in the meantime don't come crawling into my bed looking at me to hold your hand or wrap my arms around you, and certainly do not come to me for looking for a roll in the hay."
I was moving around the room getting dressed the whole time I was ranting and raving at him. And the sad thing was I wasn't even sure why I was getting so pissed off at him. He certainly hadn't done anything to me to deserve this kind of behavior. But it was to late, the runaway train was like I said on a rail of absolute destruction. And I was the one behind the wheel feeding the engine that was about to blow up in my face.
"FUCK YOU MICHAEL! Just absolutely FUCK YOU!" Now he was in a full fury.
"I don't need this bullshit your handing me all of sudden, your the one that asked me to be patient with you because this had been your first time. This was a first time for me, can't you give me some slack and have some patience with me because the whole concept of having some kind of relationship with you is also new to me. Have you fucking thought of that Michael? No, you didn't, you just let your emotions get in the way, as you so often do, now you can take those emotions and shove them up your damn ass Michael." And with that Steve pulled the towel around him and walked out of the room leaving me standing there with my mouth open and cut off before he even gave me a chance to say anything at all. At the same time what exactly was I suppose to say to him, I had already said to much as it was. Now I was beginning to wonder how I was going to undo what I had just royally screwed up. This was not the way I wanted our relationship to get started, then again I never thought we would have a chance at a relationship at all. Somehow down the line I was going to have to eat crow and crawl on my knees and ask for his forgiveness. But I wasn't near being ready to do that. For now, things were just going to have to stay the way they were. It would give us both time to think about what really was important to us and what we both really wanted from one another.
When I first realized Steve was right and that I had had a long time to contemplate the whole gay situation and for him it was still very new. I needed to give him room to think about it all and let him decide what he wanted
to do with me. Maybe I had blown it and that would be the end of it or maybe time is exactly what we needed right now and I should just let things be and see what unfolds. That thought lasted for about a day. And then I began to worry. And shit, that's what I did best in my life, worry.
I knew he was right I was okay with that, what I wasn't okay with was that we weren't talking about the whole thing. Yes we were being civil towards each other both at work and at home. But I had one major problem, now I had felt his touch and I had felt his passion and I was craving both in the worst way. Before it was easy to ignore him and pretend that my life was the way I wanted it. I couldn't pretend so easily this time, not with Steve not after what we had shared in bed, now that we had been physical now that he had touched me in a way that no one ever had. And when I had shared his body we had connected, in a way that only sex lets you connect with another human being. It wasn't so easy to just ignore him and look the other way. Oh, yes I could look the other way, but I knew so much more about him, the way he smelled intimately, the way he held his lover, the way he kissed and not just mouth to mouth but I had felt his kisses from the top of my head all the way down my body. And that's what made it so hard to ignore him. How do you just turn that off? I realized I couldn't turn it off no matter how hard I tried. The question now remained how was I going to fix what I had so dramatically fucked up? It was time to swallow my pride and beg for his forgiveness.
But destiny was coming into play again and trying to get time together was not easy. And the more time that went by the more I stressed over not being able to talk to him and to make matters worse he wasn't making any signs or suggestions that said he wanted to get some time away so that we could be together to talk. My worrying was into hyper overdrive. And I guess a few of my friends and coworkers were beginning to pick up on the fact that something was wrong with me. And the one person I feared most in this situation was my brother, and he was starting to really needle me about what my fucking problem was as he so eloquently put it.
"What the fuck has crawled up your ass and has taken hold of you, you've been an absolute prick to so many people lately Michael and that's not like you at all?" He was being his gruff usual self when he asked me. How was I going to get him off my back about this.
"Nothing has crawled up my ass, as you put it. I've just had a lot on my mind lately, so I guess that's made me a little moody that's all." I was trying to blow him off. I just wanted him to go away and leave me alone.
"Oh Michael I know you all so well, and you seem to forget that. Yes I know it's been a long time since we've lived together as brothers, but since we are brothers and I am older than you, I still know you better than you think I do. So I'll ask you again, and I'll even be nice when I ask this time. What's the problem your struggling with? Since you were a kid every time you had a problem you'd turn inside yourself and you'll be short with everyone around you. That's how I know you have a problem. The question remains are you going to let me help you or not?"
I was for the first time in my life on a crossroad of major importance. Should I tell him knowing how he feels about gays or should I lie and just try to keep blowing him off until he gets the idea and leaves me alone? This was worse than the problem that I was having with Steve. My brother was someone I had loved without condition all my life and in the scheme of things I was mentally picturing him being in my life for as long as I lived. But could I trust him with the truth? Maybe it was time I was honest with someone for the first time in my life.
"Roy, I wish it was that easy to just tell you everything that's going on right now and the problem I'm trying to resolve."
"So just let it out, just say it fast before you think it over in your head, don't try and make sense of what your saying, just say it. And then we will take it from there and just talk it out until you feel better about whatever it is that eating at you." He was for the first time that I can remember being nice to me and it was confusing me. I had never seen this side of
my brother and I didn't know whether to trust him or not.
"I wish it was that easy Roy I really do, it just some things are better off the way they are. It's not just me I have to consider in this, there is after all another person involved and I don't want to see that person get hurt in anyway. H..that person doesn't deserve to be hurt at my doing. It's not for me to just not consider their feelings to."
"Your making no sense Michael, I have no clue what your talking about. What person are you talking about? Have you been seeing some girl outside of work and now there's a problem? Have you gotten her pregnant?
Funny that he automatically assumes that I'm having some kind of relationship with some girl. Does he pay that little of attention to my life? I mean when was the last time he saw me with a girl? Okay so from time to time to
put others fears to rest I would "Date" a girl. But never for more than two or three times, god forbid I would take a chance on some girl having feelings for me. I didn't want to put a girl through that, not when I knew from the start that nothing would happen.
"No Roy, I haven't gotten a girl pregnant. With the schedule at the restaurant when do I have time to get a girl pregnant?" I was trying to joke about the whole thing, redirect the subject and get him off my back.
"It doesn't take hours to fuck some girl Michael. And that makes me have another question about you. Are you still a virgin? I almost chocked on the question. I was rapidly trying to think of how I was going to answer him.
"No I'm not as if it's any of your business."
"Then I have another question for you. And don't just automatically answer the question. Think before you speak. Look at it this way, engage your brain before inserting your foot into your mouth." He said it so calmly, without any expression what so ever. I didn't know how to read him. Did he know or was he baiting me into revealing the truth about me.
"Was it with a woman or a man?" I tried hard not to show any emotion or reaction.
"And which do you think?" I didn't answer his question on purpose. I was fishing to see if he knew or not, or if he was just guessing and trying to get to admit that I was gay.
"To be honest, I'm not sure Michael. I'd like to think that it was with a women, but I've never seen or heard of you going with a girl long enough to get to that stage. Unless I've been totally wrong about you and on the second date with a girl you've already jumped in bed with them. Or you've been going behind everyone's back and been getting sex with men when no one is paying attention. But I have a hard time with that because I don't see you
sneak away for any time that would allow you to hook up with a guy. But that doesn't mean anything."
I just couldn't be sure with him, I still didn't know whether I should tell him or not. More like I didn't know if I could trust him or not and the was the whole key to the problem facing me, could I really trust my brother?
You know what they say in for a penny in for a pound. Maybe it was time I shared it with someone. I just knew that I couldn't tell him who it was if he asked. So with all the guts I could muster and with all the courage I had in me at that exact moment. I was going to take the plunge.
"Okay Roy, to answer your question, and so you'll stop wondering, it was with a man." I said it, out loud, and fast to someone else for the first time in my life. I never told Steve, we just discovered that secret on our own. But this was my brother, the homophobic brother. And suddenly there was electricity in the air, and he wasn't speaking. He sat there just looking at me not moving not doing anything but just looking at me and time just kept passing. The seconds were ticking by longer and longer and nothing was being said by either him or myself. Finally I couldn't stand the silence anymore.
"Are you going to say anything? Are you going to acknowledge what I just said to you? Are you going to hit me, hate me, just do something please Roy, I just can't stand the silence right now."
"Michael, I'm at a loss for words at the moment, I truly wasn't expecting you to tell me that piece of information. You've never been that honest with me and I am for once in my life lost."
I hadn't expected that, the reaction I got from him was not the one that I had played out in my head a million times. Before I had it all figured out I knew how he would scream at me, call me names, faggot, queer, homo, all the bad ones that you could think of I had imagined coming out of his mouth if he ever found out. Well know he knew and he wasn't spewing any garbage
out of his mouth. I was ready for the assault I wasn't ready for the silence that I was listening to. And again the silence just kept lingering with neither of us saying anything. I didn't know what he was thinking and I didn't want him to hate me, so I thought it best to just let him come to me this time, let him say what ever it was he wanted to say to me. I got up and started walking around the kitchen and cleaning up, seems I always clean up when I'm at odds with myself. And I began to wonder for the first time in my life would my brother really and truly disown me now that he knew his brother was gay? I have never given it serious thought because I always assumed in my head that he would throw me across the room, bash my head in and do whatever bodily harm he could do to me. He was after all a homophobic, and aren't all of them people who beat us gays up? Me, I was stereotyping with my own brother. Perhaps I had been wrong all along, perhaps he wouldn't hate me.
"I'm still don't know what to say to you Michael, I thought I would hit you and hate you. But I can't your my brother, whether I like it or not, you are my little brother." And he said it with such compassion that I began to
wonder if it was my brother who had just said that.
"You don't hate me? Really?"
"I'm a little surprised with your admission, but no I don't hate you. I don't understand it, but I don't hate you. I don't know what it is that you see in wanting to go to bed with another man, it's just weird, that's all."
"First of all let me tell you that it's not just wanting to have sex with another man. I could have sex with any one. I want a man that's going to love me for what and who I am. Isn't that what you want with a relationship with a women, someone who's going to love you for what and who you are? Or is sex the only thing that matters to you?
"Let's not get to deep here Michael, I just wanted to help you with what ever problem was eating at you over the past couple of weeks. That's what started this whole conversation, so let's get back to that. Now can you tell me the problem?"
"I have to go back to the answer I gave you before, it's not that simple. I just can't tell you everything and how can you possibly help me if I don't tell you the whole story?"
"Is it because the other man is someone I know? That's it! That's why you can't tell me its because I know the guy your involved with! You have to tell me who it is!" He was getting excited only because he thought I was going to tell him and I couldn't. I couldn't betray that small piece of trust that I had with Steve right now. Our relationship if you want to call it that was to fragile at this point for me to go and blurt out that he was gay to my brother. I mean at this point in time it was still just between him and I, but what was going to happen when we were in front of others. Would he start telling people that he know knew I was gay?
"First and most importantly Roy, I cannot tell you who it is. They have their right to keeping their sexual preference quiet as do I. It's not something that I go around telling everyone, your the first, I have never told anyone that I'm gay. And I expect you not to tell anyone about me. You are to
tell no one, is that understood Roy? NO ONE! This is something I have kept secret all my life, do you know what would happen to me if people knew? Some will hate me and walk away from me, some of my male friends will begin to keep their distance and not really want to have anything to do with me. I can't take that chance, so please, please never tell anyone even if they ask. If they do ask, send them to me and I will deal with it just as I have always dealt with people who think I'm gay. Promise me you won't."
"You mean it don't you? I can't tell anyone? What about the rest of the family, what about Mom and Dad? What about your sister?"
"I repeat, NO ONE ROY!"
"Okay, Okay I get the picture, I won't tell anyone. Now are you going to tell me the problem or not?"
"Let's put it this way. There is another guy, who for the first time in his life has discovered sex with another man. And the whole concept of a relationship both physical and emotional is a lot for him to handle at this moment in time. But I know he's not nearly ready to say anything to anyone about this and I'm sure he doesn't want anyone to know about us. And I also believe, and I only believe this because we have not had the chance to discuss it in depth. But I think he wants to have a physical and emotional relationship, but he just doesn't want anyone to find out. And I don't want to run around with him feeling like I'm a there for the sex and the relationship just as long as no one finds out. Does this make any sense?"
"Well then let me ask you a question, didn't and don't you want to keep it secret? Didn't we just have this conversation about me not telling anyone, no matter what? If that is indeed the case, then you need to shut up, tell him your sorry and that you will take the relationship anyway you can have
it at this moment in time. Stop being an asshole. You can't have it both ways Michael and when and if you two decide your ready then you'll tell people. Feel lucky that you have anyone right now."
I realized then and there that I had highly underestimated my big brother. He was totally right I had to go to Steve and tell him that we would take it as it comes and we'll just work things out slowly and cautiously. I was on cloud nine, I was in heaven, he had solved my problem quickly. I wanted to hug him but thought better of it. I wasn't sure since he just found out I was gay that he would want a hug. But what the hell?
"Can I hug you Roy?" And he let me and he held on for a few minutes and at the moment I was never closer to my brother than I was then. I will never forgot that hug for as long as I live. For a brother who wasn't the emotional type, I felt like he really loved me and was proud that I had confided in him when I told him I was gay. I was sorry that I had doubted him all those years. I was sorry on what we might have missed out on because I had held out that secret all those years. Now I just had to get Steve alone so that we could talk but mostly so that I could say I was sorry and what a fool I had been and how selfish I had been and I could go on and on how much I screwed up, but you get the point. The only question was when.
Being the boss and being in charge of making the schedule has it's advantages. At least I could schedule his hours for the next few weeks to co-inside with mine. I was going to make sure that we got some time together and I really felt the sooner I made it happen, the better. And on top of giving him the time off, I also had to make sure that in that time off we would be able to sit down with each other and talk. Okay so I had most of the talking to do, But every time I started thinking about what I was going to say and how I was going to say it, the bigger the feeling in the pit of my stomach got. I kept telling myself to not worry and to calm down that it would be easier this time because the hardest part was over, he already knew I was gay. And that was what I thought the biggest issue was so what could possibly go wrong this time, he said he just needed time to think about all of this and time to think about a relationship and were it might be going. But what if in the time that had passed he was having second thoughts? What if he had decided that it's not really what he wanted? Perhaps he was facing the fact about what people would say if if got out that we were having a relationship. Especially our friends and even more so with what his family would think if they knew. I had to make this happen and soon, I had to know what he was thinking and feeling, guessing wasn't going to cut it.
It took more time than I thought and another two weeks had elapsed before any opportunity to talk even presented itself, but at least we were going to be able to sit down and talk. My brother and cousin were at work and wouldn't be home for several hours and I knew Steve wasn't going to be leaving the house. This was the chance I had been waiting for the time that I needed to really sit down and talk to him.
"It's been awhile since we've been alone. I've been wanting to talk to you and perhaps we can clear the air between us. I don't like the way it's been these past couple of weeks. You and I haven't really said two words to each other, here or at work and I can't stand that anymore. I have some things I have to say to you and I hope you'll listen and hear me out Steve." I had an awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach and I wasn't sure why, I just knew I felt uneasy.
"Yeah, we do need to talk Michael, I don't like not talking to you either we've been through a lot since our friendship started, but especially since the day we had sex, that really did change everything. I don't know what you want me to say at this point in time so maybe you should go first." He was being honest with me but I had a feeling he was holding back I began to hope that what I had to say would calm whatever fears or doubts that he was
having.
"First of all I'm sorry for the things I said and the way I reacted that night. You'll never know how much I regretted saying what I did. I had no right to jump on you like that. I should have automatically known that you were going to need time to think about what happened between you and I. I realize now that all of this really is new to you. Whether you enjoyed it or not I can't say, I would like to think you did, but I can't be certain. I know you said it was good, but now you have had time to think and analyze it. I guess what I need to know now is how you really feel about everything and how you feel about us and where we go from here." Well I said what I wanted to and at least I felt good that I had apologized to him, but at the same time I was afraid of the next thing he said.
"Thank you Michael, at least you realized you were wrong. And it was good, so don't worry about that, I enjoyed every second we spent in bed it's something I will never forget." He had a smile on his face and he was saying it with a sincere emotion but I knew he wasn't finished yet.
"It was more than I thought it would be I have never felt like that in my life, not even all the times with Sandy made me feel like I did that night. And right now that's scaring the hell out of me." The pit in stomach just got bigger why did I feel like this was going to end badly. Just like I have so many times before when it comes to things like this the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I hated myself at that moment more than anything I didn't want to do this in front of Steve, I didn't want to show any weakness not now, of all times I didn't want this to happen.
"Michael, don't do that, I can't stand to see you cry. I don't know why it bothers me so much but it does. Please don't, take a deep breath for me." Please..."
"I'm sorry Steve I just know in my heart that this isn't going to go well..I know that your going to..."
"You don't know anything, stop projecting things. It pisses me off when people think they know what's going to happen." He was getting angry and I didn't want him to go there, for sure things would end badly if it went in that direction.
"I won't. It's just that I know you well enough to know that by the way your talking that what happened isn't going to go any further between us. And I guess I let my emotions get away from me and had hoped that we would get
back together and try to work things out, that's all." I was biting the inside of my cheek trying not to cry.
"YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!" He was screaming at me and man was he pissed off now. I had never ever seen Steve act like this, it was a new side of him. And now I wasn't sure where we were headed. I was in place I had never been before and I didn't know what to say to calm him down. I just stood there waiting thinking and trying not to cry.
"First of all Michael, I don't know where this is going between us, like I told you before this is new to me I never once in my life thought I could even think about going to bed with another man and enjoy...no that's not the right word, more like love the way you made me feel. All those times with Sandy never made me so alive no where near the way you made me feel. I never wanted anything more than I wanted you that night and when I was inside of you, we connected in a way I never thought possible." It was him that had tears in his eyes now and I was really lost as to what to say but right then I wanted nothing more than to just put my arms around him and hold him tight. I wanted to make him feel better more than anything. I walked over to him and took him by the hands.
"Steve, stop talking for a second, let me just hold you, can I do that, can I just put my arms around you?" He answered by lifting my hands to his face and kissing my hands and then I put my arms around him and gently put his head on my shoulder. And there we stood for a few minutes just holding one another and quietly enjoying the embrace.
"If you think you don't like seeing me cry, I can't even begin to tell you what it does to me to see you cry Steve, I'm sorry, so sorry for hurting you, I should have known better I should have known you as my friend and I should have known you would never just walk away even if you weren't sure what was going to happen between you and I."
We finally looked at each other and for a few moments we just stood there and looked into each eyes, into each others hearts and each other souls. There is no other way that I could put it. That's just what it felt like, like we were looking into each others souls.
"Listen Babe, and yes it's Babe. I don't know where we are going from here, I'll admit that I'm scared to death about our future, because I don't know how everyone is going to react. I know that it's something you've hidden all your life, but I've always been honest with people, I've never backed down because I'm doing something that others don't agree with, and you know that. So our first problem isn't so much for me as it is for you Babe. Are you ready to let others know who you really are."
"I've hidden for so long, worked at hiding who I was its not going to be easy for me to start telling people I'm gay. How come it's so easy for you to say that your gay all of a sudden when all your life you've been straight? I don't get it I guess."
"Because Michael, I won't live a lie. Yes I'm sure that some of our friends are going to turn their backs on us. That can't be helped, are they really our friends if they walk away from us? Do you really want to keep friends
that don't and won't except you for who you are? And the same goes for family, if they can't or won't except us, it's there problem not ours. And I will be really hurt if my family turns their backs on me. Yes I'll be hurt but I won't walk away from you again, once was enough for me."
"Well I know that my brother won't."
"He knows about us?"
"Not about us, but he knows that I'm gay, he's the one that made me realize that I had to get to you and apologize for what had happened. He let me know that I was the one being an asshole to you. And he was the one person on my list that I thought would hate me when he found out that I was gay. Boy did he ever surprise me."
"So, the question remains Babe, are you ready to let the world know who you really are?"
"Aren't you scared to tell everyone Steve? Your really that sure of yourself that your ready to let the world know that not only are you gay all of a sudden but that you also already have a boyfriend all in the same sentence?"
"I'll admit that I'm a little scared about that I won't lie to you, but yes I'm ready, I said before Babe, I'm not going to live a lie. So if your ready to take on the world on a honest level than I'm ready to go forward with you in my life, if you want to keep hiding than it will be by yourself and not with me. It's up to you Michael what is it that you want?"
I hadn't expected this turn of events. He and I could go forward as long as I was willing to admit to the world I was gay. And if I did, I had a boyfriend for the first time in my life, someone to share my life with for the first time. I was scared to death. I was so comfortable living my life the way I had it, was I willing to give that up and live my life with Steve by my side?
"Do me a favor Steve, just hold me for now don't make me make this decision right at this very minute, just hold me close."
"Okay Babe okay."
And he held me, close. I was comfortable in his arms I was safe in his arms everything just felt so right with him by my side. I didn't want to lose this feeling he was giving me, I couldn't turn my back on him, he was willing to stand by with me no matter what that meant. Would I ever find another
man like this to share my life with?
"Steve."
"Yea Mike."
"Are you sure this is what you want? Are your sure your ready to hear the name calling, the insults? Are you ready to be possibly be beaten up over this? Because I can assure you those are all the possibilities. I've grown up with those insults and being called names, I've grown up with being punched and kicked because someone thought I was gay, and that was just because they just thought it, they weren't even sure. When they know for sure I know what will happen."
"That's just people with small minds people that are afraid of what they don't know or don't understand. As far as being beat up, I can assure you that if anyone tries that I won't be cowering in the corner, I will fight back. I will kick anyone's ass that even tries to lay a finger on you. I know
your not a fighter, physically anyway. You fight your battles in other ways. Your a pacifist and I'm not. I will stand up for what I believe in, and right now I believe in you and I."
"You make it sound so easy Steve, I wish I could have the confidence you have. You've lived your life being so sure and stable. And I've lived my life hiding and trying to watch every thing I do to make sure that people just
leave me alone and not bother me."
"Maybe it's time you stood up for yourself Babe maybe it's time to start enjoying your life and living it the way you really want to, isn't that the way you would like to be."
"Yes, it is the way I want to live my life I just wish I was as confident as you are that's all I'm saying."
"Then let's practice it, why don't we tell your brother first since he already knows that there is someone in your life? Why not practice with him?
I was a little shocked that he had someone picked out that we could tell but he was right, my brother was a good person to tell first. He already knew that I was gay and that there was someone in my life. It would be interesting to see what he had to say when he found out that it was Steve. Because I knew that he didn't know it was Steve otherwise he would have said something when I told him the truth about me. At the least he would have tried to guess who it was, but he hadn't, so I was sure he didn't know it was Steve.
"Your on, we'll tell him together what do you think?"
"Okay we'll tell him tonight when he gets home from work and then we'll tell Gary right after that."
"Pushing it a little aren't we Steve." I was feeling really good at the moment. He was making me feel comfortable with him by my side. I was just hoping I was going to feel the same way when we were standing in front of Roy and Gary later that night.
"So what would you like to do until then, we've got the house to ourselves for a few hours want to make up for some lost time? I've been missing that touch of yours Babe, I could use that right about now...wanna just kick back with me." He said so softly, so gently I could have melted in his arms right then.
"Come on Studly lets just go sit on the couch and watch some TV for a little bit and maybe just maybe and if your good, I'll reward you." Now I was the one being sarcastic and I wanted to tease him a little, I wanted to get him worked up a little. Besides I didn't want to let him think I was just an easy lay, even though at that moment I would have dropped my clothes in a heart beat and yelled at him to do what ever he wanted to.
"Going to play hard to get Michael?"
"Maybe, but that's for me know and for you to find out, and I do intend for you to find out mister." I took him by the hand and led him into the living room and turned on the TV before we sat down on the couch. I pushed him down so that he was sitting in the corner of the couch. I picked up his feet and put one across the couch and dropped the other on to the floor and then crawled in between them as I laid down on the couch. I was in heaven laying there with his arms wrapped around me.
"What do you want to watch?" He was still talking just above a whisper, it was so incredibly sexy the way he was talking.
"Whatever you want to I just want to sit here with you at this precise moment. I don't really care what we watch. I'm not sure we'll get to the end of anything we start to watch now." He was running his fingers back and forth on my arms, ever so lightly. It was making me relax that's all I knew at that moment in time. And it was turning me on it was igniting a fire deep within me. A fire that only he could ignite and a fire only he could put out. We just laid there on the couch for a little while watching the television, not saying anything just laying there wrapped in each others arms.
"I really do love you Michael more than I have ever loved anyone." He whispered it in my ear and slowly kissed my ear and then started down my neck. So softly, so gently he just kept kissing me and I laid my head upon his shoulder and let him.
"Oh Steve you make me feel so good, I never dreamt it would be like this with you. I never really believed that you and I would be together like this." I was in heaven and I was with the one man, the first man who loved me for who and what I was.
I rolled slowly around so that I was facing him and I began to unbutton his shirt one button at a time. Slowly I pushed the material aside and looked upon his chest and I began to kiss his neck and down to his chest and to his nipples. Kissing one then the other lightly biting it licking it and listened to his whimpers as I bit down on them. I could feel his hardness against my chest as I continued to tease him with my tongue. He was almost panting as i began to undo his belt.
"Babe, please stop...let's go upstairs, I want you more than anything, but I don't want you here, I want you upstairs with me." I didn't want to stop but I was going with him. He took me by the hand and let from the couch up the stairs and into my bedroom. Gently he pushed me on the bed and backed up so that he was about two feet away from me. He dropped his shirt off and then finished unbuckling his belt, slowly he pushed his pants down until he had to reach down and take them completely off. He stood there in his underwear, his erection was pulling the elastic away from his body. I held my hands out motioning him to come towards me. He did ever so slowly, he walked up to me and I took my hands to each of his sides and took his underwear in my hands and pulled them all the way down and took them off. His erection was beautiful pointing up and outward directly pointing at me. I pulled him closer to me and began to kiss the head of cock and slowly and gently wrapped my mouth around his cock and began to suck him further into me. He was moaning and had taken his hands and held my head on both sides as I continued to suck him.
"Oh Babe, yea, keep doing that. oh yea oh god yes...." His cock felt like velvet in my mouth I didn't want to stop giving him this pleasure. I was in
love with him I was in lust with him I wanted to give him everything I could at that moment. Time was standing still in my mind.
"Oh Michael oh my god that feels so good, your mouth is so good doing that. If you keep that up I'm going to cum in your mouth." I wasn't going to stop to speak to him I just kept doing what I was doing.
"God oh please oh Babe, I'm getting close Michael, don't do it not yet wait, please wait I want to give you this like I did the first time." He was panting the whole time he was talking to me. I knew he was close but I wanted to bring him closer to the edge, closer to losing control. He grabbed my head harder he thrust his hips a little harder.
"Yes, I'm going to cum...."
And with that I pulled my head off his cock grabbing his hips and holding onto them with all my might. He wanted desperately to shove his cock back down my throat. He wanted to cum more than anything but I had other plans for him to unload his sperm. and I wanted it inside of me just like the first
time But I was going to hang on to being in control of this I was going to make him beg this time. I stood up and put my arms around him he was grinding his hips against me, I knew he was trying hard to unload. I kissed him hard and pushed his hips away from me just enough so that there wasn't that much pressure between us. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and ran around every surface that I could.
"SShhss...Steve. Ssshhh...slow down, easy man easy, relax. slow down for me, you can do it. Come on man slow down for me. Why don't you lay down on the bed on your stomach and let me give you a good back rub." I don't think he thought I was going to go in this direction but he complied and did as I had asked. I straddled him sitting on his ass and I leaned down and slowly began to rub his back. I used pressure and at times I merely ran my hands over his back and his shoulders. I just kept doing that and finally he did begin to relax and settle down for me. I moved down a little and slowly I began to kiss the back of his neck and down between his shoulder blades. Running my tongue along those blades. I kept alternating between rubbing and kissing and slowly I worked my way down his back and I finally found myself holding his ass in my hands rubbing them and kissing those wonderful globes of flesh. Before I could think I ran my tongue from the bottom of his spine down the crack of his globes and right to his hole. I ran my tongue into it and he was gasping and moaning and bringing his ass off the bed so that I had better access to his hole. The more he rose his hips up the more room I had to pull back on his balls and I took one of them into my mouth and was sucking hard on it. I was driving him crazy and I loved every minute of it.
"Oh my god Babe, I've never felt anything like that before in my life. You can do that as long as you want." And with that I stopped and pulled on him to turn over and I spread his legs and crawled up between them. And I knelt on my knees and just looked at him the way he was. He was beautiful. How
did I get so lucky to find a man this beautiful that wanted me? I put my hands on his knees and took a deep breath.
"Why am I so lucky? How come I found you? How come you want me Steve? Maybe it wasn't the time to ask but he was making me feel so good about myself.
I don't know how he does that, but he does, he makes me feel like a million bucks when I am with him.
"I don't know Babe, I don't know. But right now you've given me all the pleasure if I can't explain why I make you feel so good, why don't you just let me show you?" There he was being sexy again and I just melted. He pulled me towards him and then on top of him and he wrapped his arms around me and began rubbing my back and kissing me.
"What I need right now is to be inside of you Babe, I want to feel you inside I want to make love to you like you should be made love to." He was so gentle with me.
He rolled me over so that he was on top he reached down and grabbed my legs and pushed my knees back to my chest. I knew what he wanted and I wanted to let him have it.
"Steve, do what ever you want I'm all yours and always will be."
He kissed me hard and gently at the same time he rubbed his cock back and forth against my hole and I quivered almost every time he did. The precum from his cock was making every thing wet around my hole and the more he went back and forth the wetter it got. At the rate he was going he wasn't going to need and lube to enter me. And then I felt him push the knob of his cock against me. I tried to relax for him. He reached down to take hold of his cock and lined it up with my hole and he started to push. I felt the ridge of his dick enter me and slowly and carefully he kept rocking in and out until I felt him bottom out and I knew he was all the way in. And as much as it hurt it felt good and he just laid there slowly rocking back and forth and in and out until it began to feel really good.
"Oh man Steve just keep doing that keep rocking back and forth. Oh my god you feel so good inside of me. Oh yea your hitting my button really good. Don't stop."
"No way I want to make this last, I want to keep being inside of you for as long as I can. This feels so good to be like this with you." And he kept it up and would go slow and then he began to speed up to the point of almost making me move in the bed. He continued like this for what seem like forever.
"Oh my God Steve, you have to give it to me, I'm going to cum soon and I want to cum when you do."
`"Oh yea, then let's do it, let's finish this love making." And with that he quickened his pace. He leaned down and kissed my face, my neck, all over
he kissed every surface that he could touch with his lips. And the moment was coming closer every thrust he made into me.
"OH MAN, I'm going to cum Steve, I'm going to..." And with that I exploded. It struck my chin and chest I erupted more and I felt him drive his cock into me and then hold perfectly still as he unloaded his cum into me, I grabbed onto his back and pulled him into me as much as I could. I wanted every inch of him inside of me I didn't want this to end, ever.
"Oh Babe, that was incredible, your so fuckin good. I thought my head was going to blow off." I just held him as hard as I could as he laid his body weight against me. I just wanted to lay there and let the whole experience never end. And he laid there and didn't move he just slowly started kissing my neck and shoulder as I held him tight. Laying there with him I thought about the first time we did this and thought had good that had been but this time was even better.
"Your the one that's incredible mister. No one has ever made me feel like you do, and I don't mean that sexually since your the first one I ever had sex with. You've spoiled me, if anything ever happens between us no one would be able to come close to the way you make me feel Studly." He slowly rolled off of me and laid down next to me. He was on his side propped up on his elbow and holding his head in his hand. He looked more adorable than before. And he just looked at me and smiled.
"I never thought in a million years that I would want to go to bed with a man, and I never thought it would be with you. Okay I did fantasize about it before we actually did it. And my imagination paled in comparison to the real thing Michael. Like I said before even Sandy never made me feel like this. You take my breath away. Do you know how hard it's been the past couple of weeks and we weren't talking? That is never to be repeated do you understand that?" He stopped talking and just looked at me again and he took his free hand and slowly made small circles on my chest and stomach and then laid his hand down and just rubbed my chest and stomach.
"I do know how hard it was, I wanted more than anything to just take you by the hand and bring you into my bedroom and just kiss you all over, I wanted to hold you so bad it hurt. But I was stupid and let my pigheadedness get in the way. But as soon as I realized the mistake I made and that I had to make it right I did. I hope that you will forgive me for that and forget it ever happened, can you do that for me Steve?"
"Then lets talk of it no more, the subject is closed for good. The next time you want to yell and fight with me tell me in advance and we will save a lot of time and grief, okay?" God how I loved when he reasoned with me, he
just had this voice that went right to my heart and soul. How can you not love a man that has that ability?
"Do you want to get something to eat, I haven't since breakfast Mikey?"
"Do not call me Mikey that drives me crazy I am not some little kid on a cereal box asshole." I was kidding with him and he knew it and I knew he was going to continue to bait me into fighting with him. sometimes he did that
just to get my goat and to see what I would say or do in order to get him to stop. I think sometimes he was just trying to toughen me up and not to be such a pacifist about things.
"And what pray tell could you possibly do to make me stop MIKEY?"
"For beginners asshole I happen to know that someone is very ticklish and hates more than anything to be ticked. Is that what you want? Is that what your looking for mister?"
"You haven't got the balls or the strength to do it. And besides that would be really cruel right now since you've trained me of all my strength just a few minutes ago, and you wouldn't do that to poor me would you?" He was trying not to laugh just as much as I was.
"Oh yes SIR, I could and would do that to you, you little shit!"
"Such language from my best friend and lover no less!"
I rolled over towards him and brought my hand to his side just above his waist and just let it lay there. I was half grinning at him.
"Now what were you saying about what I wouldn't do? I believe it was something like I didn't have the balls, is that about right STEVIE?" I wanted to just stop then and there but I couldn't. I had to do this to him he had earned it after all. He was the one that had started the whole thing. And I did, I began to wiggle my fingers into his side and he began to laugh and squirm all over the bed. And the more he laughed the more determined I was to really make him pay. I got up on my knees and took hold of both sides of him and began working my fingers up his sides and into his arm pits. I was laughing just as hard as he was.
"Don't Babe, I'll stop........I won't call.......you that.........I promise." He was trying so hard to say the whole sentence without laughing but he couldn't. I had him at my mercy.
"Stop.....or I will.....get you........back...... I"ll....."
"You will what? Just what do you think you can do, your mine I'm going to drive you crazy, I want to make sure you don't call me Mikey anymore. Say Uncle and I will let you up."
"NO....I won't...I...."
"I'm sorry I didn't catch what you said Stevie. Let me help you make your mind up!"
"OKay Okay....Uncle Uncle....there I said...it!" I stopped and let him go and we both just laid down on the bed and laughed. Once we had caught our breath I just had to ask him.
"So you think your going to call me Mikey anymore, and think before you answer, your still in a weakened state and I will take full advantage of that fact mister!"
"You win, I won't call you that anymore, but I reserve the right to possibly call you that again Babe."
"Then you know what will happen if you do. And if you do it when we aren' t in bed, then I reserve the right to wait, and get you back when I feel the time is right, say right after I drain your balls some night."
"You think your so smart don't you Babe?"
"Got you didn't I?"
He just looked at me for a minute and laid his head on the pillow and pulled me down so my head was laying on his chest. He took his arm and wrapped around me and started rubbing my back. I just relaxed and snuggled in closer and reached down to pull up the sheet and blanket to go over us. And we both just laid there not saying anything. I knew I was content and I believed he was to. Before long we both drifted off to sleep.
I'm not sure how much time had passed when I woke up, but someone was knocking on the door and wanting to come in. I just figured it was my brother I
knew he was off the schedule before Gary. Steve had come to and looked at me.
"What a second, I'm not..." And in walked Gary. Since neither of us had time to move the picture before Gary said it all. He stood there and just looked at us not sure of what to say or how to act. I could see it dawn on him the reality of the situation.
"Gary, let me say something before you do. I think we need to talk and to tell you what's going really going on."
"I can see what the fuck is going on, you two motherfuckers are fucking queer for each other!" He didn't hold anything back in the tone of his voice, Gary was definitely pissed off.
"I don't want anything to do with you fucking queers, this makes me sick to just look at you two." Well he certainly surprised me, he was the one I thought if I told would be the understanding one. By his reaction I was off by a mile guessing this out pouring of pure hatred that was coming from my cousin. I didn't know what to say because I just hadn't expected him to react like this. Thank God Steve is the one that can hold himself together in moments like this. He sprang off the bed and cut Gary off from leaving the room.
"Just one fucking minute Gary. You have no fucking right saying that to him or to me. But especially him, he's your cousin. And you owe him at least the courtesy of an explanation and also you owe me the courtesy of hearing me out. You and I have been the best of friends since about third grade. Now, your going to sit down and listen to him and then to me. Got it?" They both just stood there, Steve was standing against the door so there was no way Gary was getting out of the room that easily. It got really quiet and no one was saying anything.
"Come on Gary, please just let me explain, don't just hate me yet. Can you at least listen without passing judgment on me or Steve?"
"Do I have a choice?" It was like venom coming out of his mouth.
"First of all, of all the people I thought I could tell my secret to was to you. I thought you would be the one person who would understand and not
pass judgment on me thinking I was some kind of freak or some kind of sicko. And the one person I thought I couldn't tell, was the one person who didn' t even bat an eye when I told him, and that was Roy. He knows about me, but he doesn't know about Steve yet, we were going to tell you both tonight when you got home from work. Will you please sit down and let me talk to you? "
"Alright, I'm listening."
"Gary, I've known for a long time that I was gay since I was a kid. But I could never tell anyone because I was afraid of what they might say or more importantly what they might do to me. I have lived my whole life in fear of people knowing. Roy was the first one I ever told. And I wanted you to be the second. It's bad enough I have had to hide who I am for all those years. But Steve has convinced me that we aren't going to live a lie. So, now you know and I don't know what I can say to you to make you understand how it is and how we feel about each other. I know that it's a lot to handle but I really believe that you've got a big heart and that your not going to throw away your friendship with Steve or the friendship that you and I have developed over the years. We maybe just cousins, but to me it's more than that, to me your family, and as far as I'm concerned family sticks together no matter what, good or bad." Gary just sat there and looked from me and then back to Steve. Finally Steve spoke up and added his two cents.
"Bro..you and I have been through thick and thin over the years. We've gotten into trouble together, we've gotten drunk more times than I care to count. We've grown up together and I wouldn't trade that for anything I love you as I love my own brother, and you know that, and I believe you feel the same way. Are you really just going to say fuck you to the both of us and close the door? I don't think so, I know you better than that. And if you do then you'll be missing out on two friends that really care about you." He just stood there looking back and forth at us, not saying anything. I was still laying in bed and Steve was still standing at the door, naked to. I reached down and threw him his pants to put on.
"So let me get this straight, you've been gay all your life right?
"Yes, that's right."
"And Steve have you been gay all your life to, because I seem to remember you and I double dating a few times and it sure seemed to me that you weren 't gay, or were you hiding it to all these years and just didn't tell me either?"
"No, this is new to me Gary, I can't explain how and why it happened between Michael and I but it just did. He was there for me when Sandy and I split up, he was my shoulder to cry on, he listened and just seem to understand what I was going through at the time. And the more time that passed after Sandy and I went our separate ways, the closer Michael and I became. And for some reason that I will admit I don't understand I fell in love with him, he made me think about things I have never thought about, he makes me feel like no one has ever made me feel. I wish I could explain it to you so that you would understand, but at the same time I'm still not sure about everything I just know that he makes me happy and I have made him happy, isn't that all that matters?" I wanted to cry he said it so beautifully and with such heart. I felt a my eyes getting moist and I bit my tongue so I wouldn' t shed a tear, this was not the time for that.
"I still think it's gross the two of you in bed with each other. I don't know if I want to throw up or not. I can just see Eileen when she finds out about this. And what the hell are you going to tell your parents Steve, your father is going to flip and your mother is going to have a stroke. You two are fucking crazy if you think everyone is just going to go along with this and not say anything." At least he had calmed down and at the same time I knew he was right about parents and others but for now it was going to be one bridge at a time.
"Your right Gary, but I think that most people will be okay with it, Yes, your right about his parents as well as mine. But we will cross that bridge
when we get to it, for now we are just starting with you and Roy and I'm going to ask you to please not say anything to anyone about this, let us handle it the way we want to for as long as we can. I don't want parents finding out via the grapevine. I want them all to find out from us, will you do that for me please:"
"I suppose I can do that, but I wouldn't wait for to long to let them know, things have a way of getting around, I promise it won't start from me and I won't tell Eileen anything, but if she asks all of a sudden I'm not going to lie to her Michael."
"That's all I ask Gary that's all I ask. And just please think about this for now and don't turn your back on us to quickly, Steve and I both value your friendship. Just as you and Steve have been through a lot together, you and I have been through a lot also. I don't want to see that disappear just because you found out that we are gay." I felt like we had gotten through to him at least I truly hoped we had gotten to him. I didn't want him running to the family and telling them before I could get to my parents and tell them. And I thought for a moment about my father and how he was going to react, my father was brought up old school, man and wife, children the whole nine yards, He didn't bash gays per say, but he let you know that God didn't intend for man to lie down together. But one thing at a time. Roy would be home soon and he was next on the list to tell. We didn't have to wait long before he was home.
"Hey Roy can we talk to you for a minute?" I didn't think it sounded odd but he picked up on something.
"What's the matter? You having another problem, or is it the same problem and you haven't figured it out yet?" He sounded sincere just like when we talked the first time when I told him.
"Nothing is the matter, everything is good really everything is good." And without blinking an eye he turned around and looked me in the eye and in just a matter of fact tone of voice he blurted out...
"So it's you and Steve is that what your going to tell me?" I just looked at him. He's not stupid so my first thought was that he just put two and two together. But then I had second thoughts and began to think that Gary had
told him already. I was starting to get mad thinking that was what happened so I had to make sure before I opened my mouth and started in on Gary.
"Did Gary tell you this, or did you just connect the dots?"
"No, Gary didn't tell me, why, does he know? I thought about what you told me when you told me you were gay and the problem that you were having. I just started thinking about a few things and before long I just came to a logical conclusion that it was Steve that you were talking about. And then I started to pay attention to the both of you and I saw the way you looked at each other when you thought no one was paying attention to you. I also picked up on the way you two were all of a sudden not really talking to each other, it was more like you just talked to one another if you had to, and that wasn't like you two at all."
"Your right, it is Steve, are you surprised?" I was relieved that he had figured it out because he knew and didn't say anything to me the whole time,
he waited for me to actually tell him. I was beginning to realize that I needed to give more credit than I ever had he was becoming my strongest ally.
"I'm glad you know Roy I'm relieved that you also didn't say anything. But I owe you an apology for even thinking that you would freak out and beat me to a pulp when you found out, I was truly mistaken. Forgive me?" I didn't know what else to say to him I was grateful he was on my side.
"Don't worry about it, I'm not saying that I think everything is wonderful but your my brother and family comes first, no matter what. I don't agree with the gay thing one hundred percent, but I'm closer to it now than I was a few weeks ago. Since then I've had time to give it some serious thought and I realized that I've seen you in a new light and I'm sorry that you have lived your life in secret feeling afraid that you couldn't tell me because of things I have said about gays and what I would do to them. You've opened up my eyes Michael, so you may apologize to me about how you were wrong in what I would do to you, but at the same time I need to apologize to you for being part of the problem in your life and making you afraid to tell me from the beginning when you knew you were gay. I guess we've both learned something new about each other." I walked over to him and gave him the biggest hug I could, I didn't say another word I just hung on to him for a few minutes and wouldn't let him go. It was Steve that finally broke the air.
"Okay you two times up for the hugging, I'm getting jealous Babe." He was being his usual jovial sarcastic self god how I admired that in him.
"Oh, your gross Steve I don't want to hear that shit." My brother pushed me away as he rattled off to Steve.
"I don't want to hear about you two and how you feel for each other, keep a lid on it when your around me and there will be no hugging or kissing or things like that when I'm in the room, you two got that?" He was being as serious as he could be at that moment. He wasn't being mean he was just being Roy.
"I'm not sure I can live with those rules Roy, Babe here and me might get horny and just need to swap some tongue and sometimes he gets me to the point that I can't control myself." Steve was half laughing as he told this to
my brother who just stood there looking at Steve like he was out of his mind.
"As a matter of fact right now I'm really feeling like grabbing his ass and sucking on his neck for a few minutes. Hope you don't mind." And with that being said Steve walked up to me, wrapped his arms around me, grabbed my ass and started kissing and licking my neck.
"Oh you two are fucking sick, get out of my face, get a room or just go to your room, close the door and don't even make a noise I can hear. If you do I'll kill the both of you!" He was walking away from us as he said this and Steve and I just laughed and followed him into the living room, still laughing.
Well at least the first two people we told went pretty well. At least Roy had time to think about it before we told him. Unfortunately Gary didn't have that time, we just had to spring it on him because he had walked into my
bedroom and caught us. There was nothing we could do but confess to what the situation was. I really thought that he would be okay in the long run. Boy was I ever wrong about him the one person I really thought would be supportive when it came down to it. There wasn't going to be the time we had counted on to tell anyone in the family. Two days later the phone rang and my mother was on the phone. She hung up on me before I could even say anything, but she had said plenty in the short time that she had been on the phone screaming at me. I knew my mother might be upset when she found out but I wasn't ready for the tongue lashing I had taken from her. I finally put the phone down and made my way up the stairs and into my room. Steve was laying there watching the tube, he looked up at me.
"What's the matter Babe, what's wrong?" I walked over to the bed sat down and just dropped my head and began to cry. Steve was off the bed and came around to where I was sitting, took me in his arms and just held me, telling me that everything was going to be okay no matter what. And he didn't even know what was wrong I just couldn't talk the tears were streaming down my
face and all I wanted to do was throw up.
Let me know if you want to know anymore about Mike and Steve.