The way Charlie treated me like his brother and not his child put me in a good mood. I wasn't happy, but I was far from depressed. It seemed like things might really change for the best and I was open to that possibility. When we reached my school, I felt strange getting out of the car. I missed my makeup and my hair protecting my face from the stares of others. I hadn't noticed it the day before because I was so angry with Charlie and so wrapped up in Tom, but Tom and I were okay and Charlie wasn't as bad, which meant I had time to let the gravity of my appearance sink in. From the moment I got out of the car I could feel their eyes watching me and I knew for sure that the buzz of noise around me contained whispers about me. People were noticing me. I could feel it and I didn't like it.
I fought the urge to start running but I couldn't fight the urge to keep my head down. I couldn't look at them looking at me. My feet seemed to drag along the ground despite my best efforts to walk faster. There was no escape and then it hit me: I was better off outside. There was more space and more air for me to breath. The hallways would be packed with people and all of them would be waging an assault on my space and my air. I knew everyone was seeing me and that terrified me because I knew there were no layers for me to hide behind.
I was having a hard time breathing until I saw Tom. Tom had his back to me but his presence was enough to fill my lungs with air and remind my brain that I controlled my breathing. He was waiting for me at my locker. As I got closer, I saw that he was talking to James so I was cautious about my approach. I walked over slowly and stood next to Tom.
"Well speak of the devil," James said. Tom put his arm around me and kissed me on the cheek. I blushed and avoided eye contact with James. James touched my arm and I looked at him. He hadn't come across as caring the last time I had spoken to him. "You're looking really good and those scars seem to be healing. So what happened to your head, did you try another Superman move?"
"No."
"One of these days you're going to kill yourself trying to fly, or is that the goal?"
Tom stepped slightly between us. "Okay James, you can go now."
"But we were having such a good talk about Brian."
"James, shut up and walk away."
"What? Why don't you want Sam to hear about what you and Brian have been up to? I mean you seemed to be good friends with your ex-boyfriend until yesterday when your new boyfriend came back. I'm just wondering what happened."
"James, you know nothing happened. Brian and I are trying to be friends. That's it. Period. I love Sam."
"But does Sam love you?"
James looked at me accusingly. "Yeah. I do."
"You don't sound too sure about that."
"I am sure. I love him."
"Didn't I see you leave here yesterday with that new kid? It looked to me like the two of you were pretty chummy, especially when you disappeared in to that house across the street. Does Tom know about that?"
Tom answered, "Yes. I even know who that kid is and I'm not threatened by him. Sam is allowed to have other friends. I'm not going to try to own him the way Billy owns you."
"Hey, hey, now you fucking crossed the line there. Billy and I are just friends. He doesn't own me."
Tom sneered. "What because he let's you off your leash sometimes that means you're free?"
"You know what Tom, Sam is starting to live up to his potential. Once the other gay guys around here get a good look at him, I'm sure you're going to have some competition." His words, though meant for Tom, somehow got me. The words were like tiny punches in the gut. James was assuring me of the one thing I least desired. I didn't want that kind of attention. Truthfully, I didn't want any kind of attention unless it was from Tom or Matt. I wanted to ease my way in to pretending to be normal and too much attention would force my hand and certainly lead to the revelation that me being normal was all an act. I couldn't be normal. It was something I never learned how to be, but I could imitate what I saw and hope no one was astute enough to see through me.
"You're just upset because you could never have him."
James turned white. "How could you say that?" I knew it was close to the truth but not quite it. James still had a thing for Tom.
Tom got in his face and barked, "Because it's the truth. Why don't you spend a little less time watching my boyfriend and keeping tabs on our relationship and a little more time minding your own business."
James looked at me and with contempt in his voice, he said, "It's not true. I would never want someone as pitiful as him. I'm not in to suicidal freak shows."
Tom grabbed James and threw him up against the lockers which drew the attention of the people around us. "Don't you ever talk about Sam like that or I'll tell everyone your secret. Do you understand me?" Tom slammed James against the locker again. "I said do you understand me?"
"Yes, I understand." Tom let James go and James walked away.
I was speechless. I unpacked my bag while Tom tried to explain that James didn't mean what he said. The damage was done and I was in damage control mode. The suicidal freak show comment didn't bother me nearly as much as knowing Tom had been talking to Brian. I wondered why he didn't tell me.
There was a loud squeal and a blur of hair before arms were wrapped around me. The arms let me go and the girl stepped back. It was Sarah. She pushed me. "How are you?"
I wasn't sure what was going on, but I wanted to try to go with the flow. "I'm fine."
"That's good! I've been so worried about you. I was upset when I didn't get to see you yesterday but I had an emergency cheerleading meeting during lunch." She touched my arm again and I had to scream at myself not to yank my arm away from her. "So did Tom tell you yet?"
"Tell me what?"
"Oh okay, he hasn't. That's all I need to know." She kissed me on my cheek and said, "I got to go, but I'll see you two at lunch," then she kissed Tom on his cheek, "I hope you two have a great time."
She left and I couldn't wait to ask, "What was that all about?"
"She helped me plan a surprise for you and she wants to make sure she gets credit for what she did."
"What did she do?"
Tom grabbed my hand. "She helped me set up breakfast for us."
"But I already ate."
Tom moved behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "If you already ate that means we can spend our time doing other things."
"But what about class?" He turned me around.
"We'll cut the first few and we'll come back for lunch."
School was the last place I wanted to be anyway, so Tom's suggestion sounded great. I stuffed my books in my locker and we were on our way. He tried to hold my hand as we walked down the hallway but I found myself pulling it away and messing with my hair. In my mind, I was sparing him from the shame of claiming me and our relationship in public which was probably crazy because we kissed in the middle of the hallway the day before and he kissed me on my cheek and held my hand and even before we were a couple, we were always together so he had already publicly claimed me.
When we got in the car, Tom started staring at me. I ignored it for a minute then I had to say something. "What?"
His hand reached out and his index finger caressed my cheek. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
"You look amazing today."
"Thanks."
"Blue really is your color."
"I wore it for you."
"Would you take it off for me?"
"Huh?"
Tom covered his mouth for a second. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that. I meant you look great. You really do."
"Okay."
Tom laughed to himself and took his hand away so he could start the car. "Sam, I," he looked at me and giggled, "nevermind."
"What?"
"I just need a moment to get myself together." A few minutes later, he put the car in gear and we were on our way. We hadn't even made it out of the parking lot when Tom asked, "Do you ever dream about me?"
"Yeah."
"What kind of dreams?"
"Good dreams mostly."
"What kind of good dreams?"
"What do you mean what kind of good dreams?"
"Like good dreams or really good dreams?"
I finally got what he meant. "Tom, I swear to God if you're asking me if I've ever had a wet dream about you I'm going to shrivel up and die."
"Don't be so dramatic. I'll go first then. I dream about you a lot. In most of the dreams I start out helping you with something and then one thing leads to another and"
"Tom!"
"Don't act shy about it. I know you've thought about me that way. Haven't you?" I don't think saying I blushed would be an adequate description of what happened because I am fairly certain that my entire body turned red. Tom glanced over at me. "Yeah look at that face! I knew you had!"
I shifted in my seat. "Why are you talking about this?"
"Well I had this dream last night and you were wearing a blue shirt like the one you have on, with your hair pulled back in to a ponytail, like it is now, and we were both in my car, like we are now, and I leaned over to kiss you and we started kissing and really getting in to it, then you took off your shirt"
"Okay Tom I think I've heard enough."
"It's not going where you think it is."
"Right, so we don't hop in the backseat?"
"Oh we definitely hop in the backseat and we do some other things too."
"And what, you woke up with a sticky mess?"
"You're getting ahead of yourself. Let me finish."
I waited for him to finish but there was a long pause. "Just finish already."
"See, I knew you wanted to hear what happened! I'll skip ahead a little bit though. So we slipped in the backseat and you know and when we were done, you looked at me and said, `Let's start again' then I closed my eyes and we were sitting in the front seat talking again and then I leaned over and kissed you and we did everything over. Then I woke up with a sticky mess."
"Ew!"
"So what does the dream mean?"
"It means I was so good the first time, you had to have seconds right away." I laughed and Tom laughed with me.
"Maybe." He slapped my thigh and said, "Now tell me about one of your dreams."
"No!"
"We're best friends! We're supposed to share those kind of things!"
"It's too early in the morning to be talking about sex and it's too embarrassing to talk about sex with you."
"Who else are you going to talk about it with?"
"Hopefully no one, ever."
"Am I like bad in bed in your dreams or something?"
"Tom, you're great at everything, even in my dreams."
He stuck out his chest and beamed with pride. "Good."
Tom pulled in his driveway. "I think I've been here before," I joked.
"Ha, ha. Come on." When we walked in the house, he led me towards the kitchen. "I would have done this yesterday but I wasn't sure if Charlie was going to follow you around or not."
"Done what?"
He pulled me in to the kitchen and said, "This."
There was a huge banner that said WELCOME HOME SAM and balloons and a table that was set for a romantic breakfast for two. He had my favorite cereal on the counter. "Didn't your parents notice this?"
"No. They left at the crack of dawn and then Sarah came over and helped me clean the kitchen and make everything perfect for us."
I was threatened by his friendship with Sarah. They had hidden their friendship before, maybe Tom didn't think I could handle him having other friends, but they were suddenly flaunting their friendship in my face and forcing me to accept it. I liked things better when Sarah faded in to the background whenever I was around. It wasn't that I didn't like her, because I did like her, but I had an irrational fear that the more time Tom spent with semi-normal people, the less time he would want to spend with me.
"I'm not hungry."
Tom put his hand on my waist and slowly leaned in until our foreheads were pressed together. His hand went around my waist and he pulled me closer and kissed me. He had never kissed me that way before, with such passion and strength. To say the kiss took my breath away would be to say the ocean has a little water.
Tom broke the kiss and gasped for air the he said, "Wow! You've never kissed me like that before!"
"It wasn't me, it was you."
"Whatever it was, it was something. That's the kind of kiss that can get two horny teens in trouble," Tom snickered.
"Good thing we're not two horny teens."
"Yeah, good thing we're not," Tom said before he assaulted my lips with the same desperation as before. He wanted me in the worst way and his kiss was trying to tell me that. I thought about Brian and I wondered what Brian would do then I realized I had to make a move. I wanted Tom probably as much as he wanted me and it was dumb to keep slowing things down.
I dipped my hand down the back of Tom's pants and he pulled away from me. "Okay, I think that's enough."
I wasn't about to stop. I wanted to be with Tom in a way that was different than any other way we had been together. "You're right, we should go to your room to finish this."
Tom's eyes almost jumped out of his head. "You want to go to my room?"
"Yes."
"But," I grabbed his hand before he could object and I led him to his bedroom. We entered his room. "We don't have to do anything," he assured me.
"I know, but I want to."
"We're not ready."
"Yes we are."
"How do you know?"
"Because it feels like the right time. Doesn't it feel right to you?"
"Sam, it always feels right to me." Tom looked at the bed that we had sat on countless times watching movies then he looked at me, "What do you want to do?"
I pushed him backwards towards the bed and said, "I have some ideas. What about you? What do you want to do?"
"Whatever you want to do."
I smiled because that was the quintessential Tom answer. He didn't want to rush me or push me to do something I wasn't ready to do so he was putting the ball in my court. He loved doing that to me, dribbling around me, getting me all worked up and then passing me the ball and telling me to take the shot. He did it when he told me how he felt about me, he did it when he made me kiss him on my bed in my room and he did it when he gave me that mind blowing kiss in the kitchen and then backed off and left things up to me. He gave me the ball and waited for my next move.
I pushed Tom almost to the bed then I had an idea, "Wait!"
"What?"
"Let me undress you first."
"Only if I get to undress you." I didn't understand why he wanted to undress me but I agreed and I got things started. I helped Tom take his shirt off and then I pushed him on the bed and took his shoes and socks off for him. I had played that scene out a million times in my head. I moved to undo Tom's belt buckle with my teeth and he stopped me. "I don't think I can handle you being so close to that area." I laughed and kissed my way up his stomach and chest and neck, then I got off of him and he hurried through taking off his pants and underwear.
I wanted to worship his body because he was perfect. Everything about him was beautiful, even the way his dick curved slightly to the left. It was him, so it was just right. I put my hand on his stomach and felt the smoothness of it as I tentatively leaned over and kissed him. He kissed me for a moment then he pushed me off and I stood up.
Tom stood in front of me and reached towards my shirt announcing, "My turn." I was dreading him taking off my clothes and revealing my hideous body but he wanted to see me and it was only fair since I got to see him. I closed my eyes because I didn't want to be looking at him when his eyes filled with disgust. He pulled my shirt over my head and then he took some time to rub my chest and kiss my nipples, which made me giggle until he let one slip in his mouth and he sucked on it; that made me take a sharp intake of breath. I opened my eyes for a second to look at him with my nipple in his mouth. Tom stopped sucking on it and licked it roughly a few times then the tip of his tongue made its way down my torso and stopped at my belly button. "I think it's time for your pants to come off."
I kicked off my shoes and Tom unbuttoned my pants. He pulled my pants down but he left my underwear on. I closed my eyes again because I couldn't bear to watch him looking at my scars. I felt his fingers touching my scars and tracing a few of them, then his fingers were at the top of my underwear slowly pulling down. I stepped out of my underwear and I freaked. I opened my eyes and jumped under the covers.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
I was hiding my body from him because I was afraid the longer he looked at it the less he would want me, but I couldn't tell him that. "I don't know."
He grabbed the covers and gently pulled them back as he got on the bed and laid next to me. He was facing me. "I want to see you."
"I'm a little cold."
He gave me a wicked grin as he moved closer and pressed his naked body against mine, "Let me warm you up." I started laughing because I was so nervous, then Tom's lips made contact with mine and my nerves faded away. We started making out and eventually he rolled on top of me. His body felt like it belonged on top of mine and that made it easier for me to forget my inhibitions about my body and just let the moment carry me away. Tom's kisses became less passionate and he suddenly turned his head slightly away so we weren't kissing. "I'm getting close," he warned.
I took one of my hands off of his back and pushed his shoulder away from me to create a little space. "Stop."
He stopped immediately, almost as if he froze on top of me, then he panicked. He rolled off of me. "Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? Was this too much?"
"I'm fine, I just don't want you to cum yet because I want to," I wasn't sure how to tell him what I wanted so I took a breath and then continued as best I could, "I want to taste you."
"I can put some on my finger and,"
I interrupted him, "I want it directly from the source."
"Oh. You um want to uh, I mean you want like, um you uh."
"I want to give you a blowjob. There I said it!"
He looked away from me and I thought he was going to shoot me down, but when he looked back, he had a huge smile on his face. "On one condition."
"What?"
"I get to taste you too."
"Okay."
"Good, so how do you want me?"
"Huh?"
"You can have me any way you want me. So how do you want me? Do you want me standing, kneeling, on my back, sitting in a chair"
"I already heard the option I want."
"Which one?"
"Lay on your back and I'll take care of the rest."
He laid on his back and I started by kissing his face, then his lips then his chin and his neck and all the way down his body. I was stalling for time because the closer I got to his dick, the more I started to worry that I wouldn't be able to satisfy him. I was sub-par in everything I did, even living, so it seemed only natural that I would be sub-par in giving Tom pleasure. I finally worked up my courage enough to kiss his dick. He moaned and that encouraged me to open my mouth and let the head in.
"Oh Sam," he moaned. He said my name in a way that sent shivers through my body. I wondered if he could ever say my name like that again. He answered my question a few seconds later when he took a deep breath and said, "Sam, umph, Sam."
I knew I didn't know what I was doing, but I assumed I must have been doing okay. I put my hand at the base of his shaft and squeezed it, then I started jacking him while I sucked on him. My mouth started to get tired so I stopped sucking on the head and I jacked him while I licked the head instead. I started jacking him faster and suddenly I had the inspiration to lick his balls, so I did. His body twitched like he needed out of his skin because it was keeping him from something. It scared me so I went back to sucking the head and I tried to go a little lower, but I didn't make it very far. Tom placed his hand on top of my head and he put his fingers in my hair as he pushed my head down.
I heard him say, "I'm abou" then his words stopped like they had been cut off. I felt his body change and kind of tighten and then I could taste him in my mouth. He tasted salty and tart but I wasn't going to spit out any part of him so I swallowed and then I licked the head to make sure I had every last drop then I stopped jacking him and I worked my way up his body. He had his arm thrown over his eyes and he was still breathing hard when I reached his face. I tried kissing him, but he wasn't able to really kiss me back so I gave up and moved off of him. Tom moved his arm and he opened his eyes and looked over at me, then he giggled and looked away.
I began to wonder if maybe I was really bad and he was laughing at me because I was horrible. He looked back at me and gave me a quick peck on the lips. "That was better than anything I've ever imagined," he said.
I was washed over by a feeling of relief that I hadn't screwed up. "Thanks," I whispered. I was too shy to look him in his eyes so I stared at his lips. "Was I um, nevermind."
"Were you what?"
"Was I better than Brian?"
"Yes. You're the best I ever had." His hand started tracing a line down the middle of my body. "I guess that means it's my turn again." He pushed me on to my back and he climbed on top of me and kissed me like he might never see me again and he had to make the most of the moments we had. He didn't kiss a path down my body like I did to him, instead, he went from my lips to my dick in one motion. He seemed excited to get started and once his lips wrapped around my dick, I understood what he must have felt when I did that to him. It was a level of physical pleasure that I had never known before. Everything Tom did left my body begging for more. I began to feel the high I once only got from hurting myself only the high was magnified because of the sexual pleasure that I was also feeling.
It felt so good that it hurt to feel that good and I felt like I had no right to feel that way. I put the side of my hand in my mouth and I bit down. I bit gently at first, but the better my body began to feel, the harder I bit down. Right before I came, I bit down so hard that I tasted blood in my mouth.
I kept my hand in my mouth but I didn't bite down while I came. Tom was too busy swallowing to hear me sniffling and trying to fight back tears. The best feeling of my life was being followed by one of the low points. I went soft soon afer I came because I felt so bad. Tom let me drop from his mouth and he crawled up my body. I saw him looking at my tears so I shut my eyes, but it was too late.
He slid off of me. "What's wrong?"
I took my hand out of my mouth and said, "I'm sorry."
"For wha" I knew he saw it. He grabbed my wrist. "What happened to your hand?" The bite marks were obvious.
"I didn't mean to."
I felt the bed move and I knew he was getting up, that made me cry harder because I had ruined our first time. I cried until I felt him sit on the bed again. I opened my eyes to see what he was doing. "Give me your hand," he ordered. He grabbed my hand and I noticed he had a cotton ball. "I would say this is going to sting a little but I'm sure you'll enjoy it." His words hurt more than the alcohol as he cleaned my wounds. Tom put some neosporin on my wounds and carefully rubbed it around with a cotton swab, then he turned my hand over and did the same thing to the other side. He wrapped a bandage around my hand and looked at me with pity in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"No. I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry. I'm sorry. We shouldn't have done this today."
"It's not this. This was great. It's me. You make me feel so happy and I" His eyes were pleading with me not to say it, "I," I couldn't say those words to him, I couldn't tell him that after everything he had done for me, I still didn't feel like I deserved him, "it was an accident. I got really excited and I accidentally bit too hard."
He put his arm around me. "It's okay."
I smiled, "It's embarrassing, that's what it is."
"Come on, Sam, there's no reason to ever be embarrassed when you're with me. I'm just happy that you didn't do it on purpose."
I had done it on purpose and that made me feel guilty. "I almost cut myself last night," I said.
"Huh?"
"I almost cut myself last night, but Charlie stopped me."
"Oh." I got the impression that Tom didn't want to know the details. "Let's put our clothes on and grab a bite to eat before we leave."
He didn't even look at me while we dressed. When we got to the kitchen, he took out the milk and fixed his cereal then I fixed mine. It wasn't romantic in the least. He was off in thought and we ate in silence until the silence was too much for me to bear. "Our we okay?"
He gave me a quick look. "We're fine."
"Why aren't you talking to me?"
"I'm just thinking."
"About what?"
"I thought you were getting better but you're not."
"I'm eating. You can look at me and see that! I've gotten so fat."
He dropped his spoon in his cereal and pushed the bowl away. "That's the thing, you're not fat but you still think you are and you still don't think you deserve to be happy. I bet you bit yourself on purpose." I looked down. "You did, didn't you? Why'd you lie about it? You don't have to pretend with me. I want to know if you're not getting better."
"I am getting better."
"You're not acting like it."
"Tom I didn't mean to bite myself, well not really, it just happened and last night, when I was thinking about cutting myself, it took me a long time to decide to do it. It never would have taken me that long before. I'm getting better! I know I am, but you can't expect me to completely change overnight!"
"I don't!" He stood and pushed in his chair. "Are you ready to go?"
"I want to finish my cereal." He rolled his eyes then pulled out his chair and sat back down. He waited patiently while I ate a bowl of cereal that I didn't want but I had to eat it because I wanted him to see that I was making progress. I finished the cereal and put my bowl in the sink. "I'm done."
Tom stayed seated. "I need to say something before we go." He stared at the table. "I'm sorry for pushing you today. You weren't ready for it and I knew you weren't but I let you convince me otherwise."
"You didn't push me. I wanted to. I've wanted to for a long time. Everything we did today was good. In fact, it was better than good so don't apologize for it." I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "You did everything right, don't let what I did ruin it." I kissed him on his cheek.
"I love you," he whispered, "it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't."
"I know and I hope one day we don't have to deal with the faulty switch in my head, but you have to believe that I'm doing my best."
"I know." He stood and hugged me. "We're fine, I promise." He gave me a quick kiss on my lips and held my hand as we left his house.
As soon as we got in his car I remembered the banner and the balloons. "How are you going to explain the decorations to your parents?"
"I'm not. I'll have it cleaned up by the time they get home." He rubbed my hand and gazed in to my eyes. "Thank you for today."
He was thanking me when I was the one who should be thanking him. "Thank you for loving me."
Tom leaned over and kissed me. "It's my pleasure to love you." He started laughing. "That sounded better in my head."
"It sounded fine to me." We kissed again then we put on our seatbelts.
Tom was backing out of his driveway when a car came to a screech behind us and blocked us in. The driver's door went flying open and Charlie came charging towards the car. He opened Tom's door and grabbed him but luckily Tom's seatbelt stopped Charlie from pulling him from the car. Charlie let go of Tom and said, "Get the fuck out of the car! Now!"
Copyright Lustyville 2008 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out more of this story and my other stories at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville and my website at www.lustyville.com